IS THIS NORMAL??

So today I was pretty busy. Busy doing something I have been wanting to do for for over two years. As in: Go through my closet. Particularly... go through my black pants and my solid black tops, to weed out the undesirables, so to speak. Thus making things way less cramped.

For years... I have basically color coded my entire closet. Which by the way... I should also mention was one of three main reasons I bought my house in the first place. For the first time in many years, I now have a closet that actually fits all my clothing, which I will admit... is a wardrobe that could easily clothe at least 5 women beautifully. THUS I WAS THRILLED WHEN I SAW THE CLOSET SIZE. It measures 14 feet long and 6 feet wide. You'd think it would be large enough to house all my clothing, right?? Yeah... well guess what... NOT NECESSARILY.

There is about 12 feet of double rods on each side of the closet, double shelving above each rod, about 4 feet of shelving behind the door and then... I had additional shelving built, up against the back wall. Don't even ask.

Yet in spite of this wonderful space just how long you think it took me to fill it with all my clothes, accessories, shoes, handbags, hats, jewelry, nightgowns, etc. etc.?? And, that's not even counting my COATS which I keep in the hall closet. Oh man... I'm totally out of my mind. BUT... I'm also well dressed. So go figure. In the meantime, I have combed through the closet several times in the past six years, TRYing to shed all the unneeded apparel.

Lotta good that did me. BUT TODAY... today's task was to go through the 53 black tops I have. I already went through the 34 pairs of black pants. Unfortunately, when all that was said and done... I was able to discard only about 4. The tops on the other hand... whole other story. 

I LOVE MY BLACK TOPS. You can see them up above, all hanging on a garment rack which I rolled into my bedroom so I could REALLY carefully consider each. STAY OR GO?? I was able to get rid of about 15 tops, maybe. AND THESE aren't even the 10 black tunic tops I have hanging on the other side of the closet!! Nor does this include the 15 black PRINT tops I have, either. ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE IN MY CLOSET. So... back to my original question: IS THIS NORMAL???

Don't answer. I already know. F*$# NO THIS ISN'T NORMAL.

But, it does make it pretty easy to dress for any occasion and to pull an outfit together 1-2-3. And to look pretty damn decent every time I walk out the door. Thank GOD my mother isn't here to see this.

Mainly because these shirts in the picture above are only the BLACK ONES. Doesn't even account for the WHITES, REDS, PINKS, BLUES, YELLOWS, GREENS, and BROWNS... all of which are next in the color coded line of hangers. Oh man... I am soooo outta my mind. I know... it's major crazy ass... but I can't help it. I'm almost sure my Mother would tell me I'm way over the edge in terms of a needed wardrobe. My explanation however would be:

But Mom... I need light weight, heavy weight, dressy, casual, fancy fabric, everyday fabric, long sleeved, 3/4 length sleeve, round neck, vee neck, waist length, hip length... you name it, I need it. And uh... apparently I've got it.

So yippee. I AM making headway. Sorta. Which now only means: in a few weeks from now, I better then go through the OTHER two closets I have in the other bedrooms. Man... I SO have got to get these surplus garments to a woman's shelter lickety split. Or... buy a new house. Talk about separation anxiety.

YESTERDAY I WAS OLD...

Today I'm fat. I SO LOVE THIS! These apps keep me so busy and so hysterical that it's crazy. Can you beLIEVE this pict?? It's like I gained 300 pounds overnight!!

Oh man... I so wished they'd make more apps like this. Actually today I downloaded a new one...  the UGLY APP... so I suspect that pict will be showing up any day now. Can you even imagine what a combination of old AND fat would look like?? OMG... I'm laughing my ass off as we speak.

I know. I know. Most people are downloading the weather, news, movie, whatever apps, but ME? I'm way into the funny and freaky looking ones. Speaking of which, I sent the picture of the old me to my kid... his reply was that he hates these deals. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING?? HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THEM?? They keep me happily occupied way more than I'm  embarrassed to admit.

Now... if only I were high while doing all these. Then I'D really be rolling on the floor. Although I'm tickled plenty as is, believe me. A few years ago, I did a deal on Facebook that showed what I looked like as a high school graduate in about 10 different decades. IT WAS FANTASTIC. They were CRAZY looking. You can only imagine what THOSE picts were like. Me as a graduate in 1950?? 1970?? 2000?? Etc. Etc. You should SEE those hairdo's they put on me.

So all I can say is... for now.... I apparently have to go on a diet pretty quickly and lose my 300 pounds. Mainly because I SO don't want to have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Which they DO make you do if you're obese, btw. Speaking of which... a long time ago I wrote a blog entry about the laugh of a lifetime that I had when I was with my sister at a doctor's visit. The doctor had the NERVE to look at my body mass ratio deal and actually DEEM me obese!! WE BURST OUT LAUGHING given yes... I'm a bit chubby. Okay. I'll buy into that. But OBESE?? Absolutely no way whatsoever.

When THAT happens, I'll be the first to upload a shot of me as a WalMart shopper, I promise. Now THOSE pictures are just plain f-ing freaky! What ARE they thinking when they leave the house, anyway??

OLD ROSE

Remember the lady, Gloria Stuart, who played the old Rose in the movie, Titanic?? She was the one who was basically doing the narrative of the story all about Rose and Jack falling in love. Well... take a look at the old LINDA. Can you believe it?? DO I NOT LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE OLD ROSE DID??

OMG... I so LOVE this pict. I'M AGED 40 YEARS IN THIS SHOT!! Which of course is why I am SO in love with the AGING APP that I downloaded to my smartphone. ISN'T THIS GREAT?? I get to actually SEE what I'll look like as a friggin' oldie goldie lady! Oh man... I could play with this toy for days on end. My friends cant' even get over how much fun I have taking everyone's picture and then bingo. Aging them! They think I'm nuts. Which granted I very well may be, but who cares.

I think I'm merely easily amused, for amused I totally am! Every time I age a new person with the app, I burst out laughing and have the time of my life showing everyone within three blocks of my location. I'm telling you... you have SO got to get this toy. It will make you roar every time you find a new victim. Oops. I mean a new friend to age.

Today I was at a fancy schmancy luncheon when the shot up above was taken. I was dressed in a stunning deep charcoal knitted maxi dress, had on beautiful charcoal stockings, black patent shoes and was all dolled up in pearls. Very much your prim and proper sort of look. Everyone else was also dressed in very pretty outfits but THEY were busy acting lady like and sophisticated. I was busy snapping photos of anyone sitting within ear shot of me, then immediately applying it to my new app and then... busy laughing my ass off like crazy! I can't WAIT to show this to my kid! Oh yeah... I EVEN DID HIM from a picture I already had! TALK ABOUT FREAKY.

The best part is that I tell no one I'm going to age them. I just point my phone camera at them and direct them TO SMILE. These poor innocent people always comply and THEN within moments I get busy at work doing the aging deal and within just a few more moments... I go back over and tell them: HERE... TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR PICTURE. CAME OUT NICE, RIGHT??  hahahahhahaaa DON'T EVEN IMAGINE MY HILARITY. They are ASTOUNDED. I on the other hand, am practically rolling on the floor, simply crazed with delight and amusement. It's soooo sick, I know, but I just can't help it. I LOVE this toy. 

And, you will too... download it NOW. And then of course, send YOUR pict to me so I can once again laugh right out loud. I'm telling you... this will brighten up any bulls%$@^ day you are having in a NY minute. I promise. 

ETHEL

I can not even tell you just how heavy my heart kind of is, right now. Why you ask?? Easy: I watched the HBO documentary about Ethel Kennedy and am just AMAZED with this astounding woman. Just as I am with Robert Kennedy. Who btw, is as much a key character in the documentary as is his wife. 

I am so telling you... PLEASE WATCH THIS FILM. You will walk away with the deepest respect for this couple and an even greater sense of loss that Bobby is no longer with us than you might already feel.

We all know everything there is to know about Jack and Jackie, but I dare say there is still much to be learned about possibly Bobby and definitely Ethel. For me... certainly Ethel was the least known in terms of details about her personal life and her spoken words... and her part in the Kennedy clan at large. Jackie was always the one upon whom I clung to for admiration, for adoration and for familiarity. SHE always has been... and probably always will be... my alltime favorite. That said...

Move over Jackie... you have got some mighty stiff competition going on here. Man... the story of Bobby and Ethel just has me so moved, it's unbelievable. NO one can possibly walk away from this documentary without a well of sadness and perhaps even a tear, at watching the marriage of these two people unfold so beautifully yet ending so tragically. I just can't find the words to describe how mesmerized I was during this entire film. Besides... 11 children??? OMG.. what the hell was she THINKING?? On the other hand, I am thrilled knowing that while she lost her husband when he was only 42 years old... they obviously must have had one hell of a sex life while he was alive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... Bobby, as all the Kennedy men, had affairs outside their marriages. But to me... they were just that. Affairs. Nothing at all having to do with meaningful love and everything to do with mere hot and lustful sex. In the end, the devotion of both Jack and Bobby was such that they were highly committed to... and more importantly... very much in love with their wives. Joe Sr. and Teddy?? Not so much. But whatever.

Regardless... all YOU have to worry about is just how soon you can get to your DVR and record this HBO special. You will not regret watching this, I promise. The film footage is remarkable and plentiful and the continuous narrative of all of Bobby's children is stupendous. Ethel's narrative is sheer inspirational and movingly educational. I loved every damn second of it. 

TISSUE PAPER

And, I'm not talking the wrapping paper kind of tissue either. Nor Kleenex tissues for blowing your nose. I'm talking about the only kind that REALLY counts... toilet tissue!

To me, this could easily be THE most important discovery since caveman days. Yes, I live per the inventions of paper towels, Diet Coke and the computer, but bathroom tissue??? Probably this surpasses them all in the "must must have" department, if you ask me.

No wonder. I have been blessed, damnit, with a crazy ass digestive system, thus I get major stomach aches all the time. Plus, I apparently have a fine tuned bladder, so what can I say. I've pretty much been FORCED into analyzing this particular product like a retail marketing pro.

Over the years, I have obviously tried all the leading brands and have definitely come up with the only toilet tissue allowed in my master bathroom. CHARMIN STRONG AND SOFT. I think that's the name of it, anyway.

So with this in mind... today was Sunday, which btw, I've recently designated as the day to head to the grocery store. (yes, I'm still feeling the pain of Bonnie still recuperating) In the meantime, after all these years, not only have I become reacquainted with the supermarket, BUT ALSO I made a major discovery today! Get this...

While in the paper goods aisle, I went to buy toilet tissue and.. who knew??... there are actually three different sizes of toilet paper rolls!!! I WAS STUNNED. After examining all the Charmin products, so I could figure out which is the one I'm supposed to buy, lo and behold... I find that the rolls themselves come in either: REGULAR, DOUBLE SIZE OR MEGAROLL SIZES!! Omg... I had no clue. I DID know that I'm very particular about what size I want, but only Bonnie would know which to buy. Today however, I had to figure it all out myself.

Need I even tell you which size roll I always use?? Is there like even a question?? OF COURSE NOT... NATURALLY... THE MEGAROLL SIZE, ONLY. And, I get the huge one with about 12 rolls per package. Which is why today was such a discovery for me. I had to REALLY examine all the choices and only then did I realize for the first time ever... I had a choice of three different roll sizes. Man... where have I BEEN all this time, anyway?? 

On the other hand, at least I knew that I didn't want the blue package... that's the ULTRA SOFT. Which in case you care, is what I need for my kid's bathroom. Apparently he's as particular as I am. The color I want is the red packaging. So basically all this just goes to prove: you DO learn something new everyday, afterall.

Man, am I ever beginning to feel like such an educated consumer. Finally. I know... I know... better late than never, right? My mother would be so proud of me. I think, anyway.    

BOO!

I had a pretty good time last night. I went to a Halloween Party and I loved it for a number of reasons. First of all, it was Monica and David's annual party and each year they wear THE most fantastic costumes you ever saw. Tonight they were dressed as if they were nomads in the desert but I mean... not just any nomads... kinda like upscale Sultans of the desert or something. Definitely like those you'd find living in Mideastern Palaces.

Second of all, the folks that come to this party, by invitation mandate, all have to come in real live actual costumes. I can not beLIEVE the ideas people come up with. They are fantastic! Last year I went as a high class call girl. The guy I went with was dressed as my pimp. Boom. We totally had a great time dressing up. THIS year however, I went as that which I only wished I were: A SOCIALITE. You can see a picture of me up above. Talk about EASY. I got dressed in my regular clothes, added a few touches of fabulous bling and bingo. I was comfy and ready to go. Now THIS costume was an easy stretch for me, for sure. Especially since in my fantasies, I'd KILL to have been a famous, filthy rich New York socialite from about the 1900's. Man, now THEY knew how to live, alright. Oh yeah... check out the fascinator on my head. So like Pippa, right?? That and my ring were my favorite accessories, btw.

Third of all, the food selections at these parties are always fantastic... NATURALLY,  a big draw for me. Granted, it doesn't take much to please my palate, but doesn't matter. I love the delicious choices. I myself happened to bring major fudge brownies that I earlier decided I should bring just in case. As in: I wanted to be SURE there was a decadent dessert of sorts. Uh... mission accomplished.

Fourth of all, Monica goes all out in the decoration department. Even the bathrooms had spooky, life sized creatures greeting you. In fact, when you entered the front door to the party, there was like a six foot inflatable spider with fuzzy hair all over it's legs. Kinda freaky now that I think about it. Even the pictures on the walls were tilted with cob webs hanging all over the place. Am telling you... there is never a question what this holiday celebration is all about.

Which begs the question... what the heck will I possibly be, come NEXT Halloween?? I'm thinking: given my new little boy hair cut... maybe I'll just go as: Easy... a Little Boy. White shirt, long pants, red suspenders, saddle oxfords and a big lollipop with stripes all over it. Boom. I'm good to go. Of course, I have to be invited first.

THE BIRTHDAY BOY

Saturday night I went to a wonderful birthday party. Ed's party to be exact. Ed is a fantastic guy and he had this major celebration at one of his favorite restaurants. Thanks to me, I might add.

It went down sorta like this: Often I walk into this restaurant for lunch and boom. I run into Vicky and Ed. One day they were talking about his upcoming birthday and they were lamenting about whether or not they would have a party. WHAT??? I said. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? OF COURSE YOU NEED TO HAVE A PARTY!! IT'S ALMOST MANDATORY! 

Certainly, given Ed's milestone. Certainly, given his good health. Certainly given his love of happy times. And certainly given all the great family and friends he has who would LOVE to celebrate with him. Uh... including me. So... we chatted about it for a bit and while they were checking off all the reasons it might be tough, I was busy listing all the reasons why each constraint could be overcome. I couldn't be sure whether or not they bought into my theory, but I sure hoped so. REGARDLESS...

My seed was planted in their brain afterall... and what'da ya know?? Next thing I know I see a fabulous invitation addressed to me and bingo! PARTY'S ON. It was great, too. Excellent food, all our friends, his kids, her kids, and yippee. Even champagne!! Who could ask for more. The picture posters made by Vicky were outstanding, btw. All I can tell you is... the restaurant that night was all abuzz with fun, frolic and feast. And with all of Ed's gag gifts. 

My favorite being the one which you can see in the picture up above. HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE INFLATABLE WALKER?? Soooo hilarious!! I voted this the best gift of the night, actually. Although I must say I didn't see any of the others, but this one is surely in the top five if you ask me. I don't even know who gave it to him, but man, do they ever get major points.

So do I, come to think of it. For I am SOOO GLAD Ed decided to have a party afterall. He so deserved it and we should ALL celebrate wonderful milestones. Afterall... at our age, we never know how many we'll even have LEFT. Thus... there's a lesson in here somewhere. As in:

Don't ever pass up on reasons to share good times with friends. God knows, I don't. Besides, it's those exact good friends who will surely be by our side when not so good times roll around. And, they will, trust me. Especially at our age. So roll out the red carpet, find a reason to have a party and ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT. I know Ed did. Need proof?? Here he is, during his speech in which he mentioned ME! 

I'M EFFING STUNNED!!!

OMG... I went to the plastic surgeon for my AFTER shot today.... and just a few minutes ago... HE SENT ME THE PICTURES. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the before picts. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CHANGE?? I am soooo stunned that I just may have a heart attack over the difference which naturally, would be such a shame given the astounding make over!! IT'S NOTHING SHORT OF INCREDIBLE. I mean it.

In fact... JUDGE FOR YOURSELF DOWN BELOW. Whoa... soooo scary to imagine I had been walking around looking like this. Granted the before shot was taken about 6:45 in the morning, but still... would ANY man want to wake up with this creature like woman lying next to him in bed?? NOT EVEN I WOULD WANT TO WAKE UP seeing this.

Yet... alas... I did for way too many years, I'm sorry to say. THANK YOU DR. HARLEY FOR BEING THE GENIUS OF THE CENTURY. How much do I love this guy, anyway?? Especially since I signed a photo release form which I can only PRAY will appear on every type of media known to man. Talk about a walking testament to miraculous events. 

Gulp. Ready for the shots?? Uh... news flash: Maybe you should take a shot of hard liquor before you view these. They're not for the faint of heart, trust me. In which case... good luck eyeing these.

So now you TOO can be in total shock, right? Oh yeah... I so have to get the doctor's camera. DOESN'T MISS A MILLIMETER of your skin. 

LITTLE GIRLS

See these four women? The two on the ends are sisters and the two in the middle are sisters. AND... we were all friends when growing up. And I mean GROWING UP. The middle two lived on the street behind Claudia and I and we played together ALOT since we were like five and six years old.

NOW look at us. OMG... it's freakin' amazing. Turns out I got an email about a month ago from of of the girls up above telling me they were going to be in my area this week. IMMEDIATELY I jumped for joy and made plans to be with them when I got their arrival dates. We hadn't seen each other in over 55 years!!! WHOA. Talk about feeling old.

While I had first caught up with the girls the night before last, we all gathered again last night, here at my house before going out to dinner. There was SO much to talk about. Especially about all the OTHER kids we played with on the block... both boys and girls. Life was so easy back then. We actually had play time outdoors and we actually all played.

Tether ball was a huge hit with everyone and that we played in Ricky M.'s driveway. We also played baseball with God knows what for bases. We all figured the Biro family was nuts but I had no clue Chuck's Dad was an alcoholic until about 15 hours ago. Which reminds me... ANYthing you want to know about ANYbody we played with on the block... go to these two sisters. Apparently there isn't a moment they missed in getting all the gossip about the families then OR now.   

Susan... one of the sisters up above... and I played hopscotch four million times, I'll bet, while growing up. I told her I think about her EVERYtime my knees make a creaking sound lately. I'm so serious. There is no way all that jumping from box to box could have possibly been good for my youthful, developing knees! Besides, we never even heard of athletic shoes way back then, so I was jumping every friggin' day of the week in my crappy ass little red Keds, which I am SURE couldn't be so medically hotsi totsi on the pavement right smack in the middle of the street. Which reminds me... I guess I needed the red sneakers to naturally, go with my red 1955 Rollfast bicycle which I also rode every friggin' day of the week. Wasn't until I was 12 that I moved up to a three speed English Racer, but whatever.  

We also talked about how absolutely FANTASTIC the brownies their mother made always tasted. And, get this... their Mom is STILL ALIVE. Like in her 90's! We talked about everyone else's Mother, too. I mean it was like reliving your very own hardcore, REAL childhood right here on my outside deck with people who actually KNEW you as a child in your childhood. Don't even ask how many times I slept over at Susan's house, btw. Who could count???

All I can tell you is that Claudia and I loved being with these girls once again. If even for a couple of days. The memories and/or gossip was simply spectacular. We all remember our parents who must have been in their what?? 30s and 40s way back then?? We all remember the next door neighbors and the people who lived on every house lining the entire street. And NOW we all know what's happened to everyone of those family members in the past 55 years.

I'm telling you... this entire reunion was just so totally incredible. In fact, major suggestion here: I think you too, need to make contact with someone from your old neighborhood. First of all... they'll be thrilled to hear from you and second of all... if they are anything like these two little girls... you'll find out exactly what happened to everyone you ever played with while a still a kid. You're in for some excellent info, trust me.  

EXPIRING

I well remember how tough things were for my Dad once my Mother passed away. He lived two years longer than she did and during those years he was totally lost. Emotionally and intellectually. I would have done anything I could have to help him and I offered. Unfortunately, he was too stubborn to let anyone do for him that which I could see he wasn't able to really do for himself.

Case in point: after he passed away, Claudia and I naturally had to go through all his office papers, mail that had stock piled, etc. etc. We even found checks issued to him that went back a couple of years and which he never opened at all. He was TRYING to take care of everything but man, was he ever in need of secretarial help. He also didn't do so hot in the grocery and/or refrigeration department, either. As in: had my Mother been alive she would have for SURE gotten rid of alot of food in Dad's refrigerator she deemed out of date. Not so for him however. He figured if the food still looked sorta alive then it was still probably perfectly acceptable for eating. Dad apparently had his OWN timing on what expiration dates for food should be. Forget about what the packaging labels had to say. 

Turns out I think Dad was onto something.

Just after my recent surgery, I had to buy a few packs of frozen veggies so I could apply them to the swelling on my face. Which I did. And... given I love frozen peas and corn so much... I eventually wound up eating them myself. And I loved it. I even made frozen corn my total dinner one night, since I gotta tell you... once I took one bite, I needed another and then another and then another. Eventually I got so stuffed, I couldn't even eat anything else. Bingo. Frozen corn was my excellent dinner.

About a week passed and then one OTHER night I thought to myself: man, I'd sure love to have some frozen corn once again. At which point I literally began rummaging through my freezer and LO AND BEHOLD I found one more package of corn!! I was in ecstasy! Yippee! My favorite veggie.

Then I noticed: Oops. The expiration date was... sitting down???... FOUR YEARS AGO! I think something like 2008!!! Shows how often I check the dates in my freezer, huh?? Talk about the apple not falling far from Dad's tree. I IMMEDIATELY thought of him and then I thought: Well... let's say I was in a war zone or something and I was really really starving. And I found this corn, sitting in the freezer all this time... what would I do?? Would I obey the expiration date?? Or, would I eat it given I'd have been so weaken from lack of food for so long?? Boom. I made my decision: DAMN RIGHT I WOULD EAT IT!

Which is when I opened the bag of corn, thought of my Dad and started chowing down in mere seconds. With happy gusto, I might add. And... I was loving it! I was also thinking: if I have to go to the Emergency Room later in the evening from horrible food poisoning, then so be it. For NOW however... I was relishing the veggies. Thus the idea of my possibly expiring was but a faint concern compared to my momentary delight of eating the corn. Plus... as you can see... I'M STILL ALIVE AND KICKING, afterall.

Which goes to the entire point of exactly HOW TRUE ARE THE EXPIRATION DATES, ANYWAY? Granted, I definitely obey the dates on milk and eggs. Especially since they have never been frozen. But I bet there is a HUGE amount of foods that can EASILY go beyond the point of their life expectancies. Even oral medications, too, I bet. Which is good. I apparently just never know when I'll have to go scrounging again... especially in cases of unexpected veggie cravings.  

GUESS WHAT I DID YESTERDAY??

Yep... I cut it off. All off. As in: a little boy's haircut. And... man, do I love it.

I've been wanting to do this for years... and finally... I got up the nerve. Which wasn't easy. No sooner had I made the appointment last week, than my heart began racing. OMG... AM I SURE?? IS THIS GOING WORK?? CAN I REALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS?? Boom. In a heartbeat, I soon put all my doubts to rest by doing what I always do when I become really nervous. I took an Ativan and moved forward.

YIPPEE. Best decision I've made since... well since I made the decision to have my face all cut up I guess. Wait... that's not necessarily true. I also made another decision just a couple days ago, but that's another story altogether. Anyway...

I can't tell you how much I'm loving this. Apparently other people are, too. Especially Angie, who had the hard part. SHE had to actually CUT IT. She asked me a couple times if I was like "ready" for this... and my reply was pretty the same: ABSOLUTELY. I was psyched and ready for a change and luckily neither of us had any regrets.

I even made Angie save all the hair, which I swept up afterwards and put into a pile for a snapshot of the all the cut hair laying on the floor. It was a MAJOR relief for me. NO MORE crapola about what to do with my hair, when to wash it, how to style it, what product to use in it, etc. etc. FREE AT LAST... THANK GOD ALMIGHTY. FREE AT LAST.

When I made the appointment to have my hair cut, I told NO one. Not a soul. Not even when I went to play Canasta last Monday while with a bunch of friends. In fact... I made a conscious effort that day to see just how many others have short hair and it pretty much boiled to: nine of ten women my age go with short! Which kind of bolstered my resolve, actually. Then.. as folks began to see me in person and realized what I did... they bolstered my resolve even more. Turns out I was right on target in making this move. I got rave reviews.

So Yippee. I'm now hassle free and hair free all rolled into one. You think this was EASY to do?? Not in the least. BUT... am I thrilled I did it? Bet your sweet ass I am! Angie is too, since now, every four weeks, I'll be marching right into her salon, laying down my money and bingo... having my hair cut all over again. It's a win-win situation for BOTH of us. Talk about there's nothing to fear but fear itself.

Which reminds me... I'm now reading a biography about the marriage of FDR and Eleanor. I'm so loving it.

A $698K COAT

See this white coat?? That's exactly what it's called: a WHITE COAT. It's worn by doctors, lab technicians, chemists, etc. I'm thinking this particular white coat cost me oh... let's say: about $698 thousand dollars thus far maybe?? And, it's not over yet, either. This coat belongs to my kid... he got it from Physician's Assistance School the other day and man, is he ever thrilled with it. He should be. It's the most expensive article of clothing he'll ever own. Oops. I mean: I'll ever buy for him.  

My son began the P.A. Program last August. Apparently his first degree from the University of Florida wasn't enough. Nor did he have one inkling of interest in his major. Just my luck. THAT alone cost what? About $60k when all was said and done?? Don't ask. He couldn't have figured all that out in his FRESHman year?? Geez. Anyway, he's now in college again for two years, for this new degree and then he'll spend an extra year in Grad School. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. And believe me... that's not the sound of his eventual salary, either. That's the sound of what I'll be paying to help him GET that salary.

In the meantime, I am simply delighted for my kid. First of all, I love him dearly. Secondly, he is as much me as he is his Dad, if not more so. Thirdly, he's got the most fantastic sense of humor you ever saw. Fourthly, his personality knocks my socks off. Well, when it's not pissing me off, that is. Fifthly, he's so damn entertaining, it kills me. He makes me laugh more than anyone else I've ever known. Sixthly, I love being in his company. Especially since as I said... he's so much like me. Seventhly, he loves me dearly in return.

Soooo, as I said, I'm tickled pink for my son. He sounds great, loves the classes and is studying his ass off in all of them. Therefore, when others bitch that they are not willing to fund their kid forever, I take a different view. I'm more than happy to invest in my own child. Especially since I know it means so much to him AND I'll be assured that once and for all... he'll eventually be off my own particular pay roll at long last. YIPPEE. I'LL TAP DANCE FOR SURE WHEN THAT DAY FINALLY ARRIVES. Oh man. I so can't wait.

As for now... I'm pretty damn proud of my kid. Yes, for the fact he is working hard toward a wonderful goal. But even more so... for letting absolutely no price tag whatsoever stand in the way of a really great piece of clothing. See?? He definitely DOES have my genes, afterall. Talk about the apple not falling from the tree.

KILL BILLs

Geez... I'm so going nuts without Bonnie. Today is Monday and normally she's here to help me pay bills, etc. Except she can't come today given she's had knee surgery and as we speak, Bonnie is living in the rehab place for yet another a couple of weeks. Trust me... I'm in way more pain than she is. Well maybe, anyway.

All I know is that today, once again, I had to pay my bills all by myself. It's a total challenge for me, although I will admit it can't get any easier since I do it all online. AND most of the monthly bills are already set up for a re-occurring payment method. THAT I set up with Bonnie weeks before she had her surgery. So basically... yes... I know it's a completely Mickey Mouse chore. However, that still doesn't pacify me, but so be it. 

Anyway, in addition to paying the bills, I especially hate having to make all the phone calls due to bills that need questioning. There's ALWAYS something that is just a bit amiss. Actually, Direct TV and Blue Cross Blue Shield is high on that list. There is ALWAYS a question that needs to be addressed with those two companies thus that is something I let Bonnie do for me for SURE. I have a question, boom. I hand Bonnie the phone. Except today I couldn't.

Today I had to do it myself. Case in point: I had a bill from my florist and I see that on one particular day, I apparently bought eight stems of Calla Lilies. Except I normally only get four. HUH?? WHAT HAPPENED?? THEY DOUBLE CHARGED ME?? HMMMM. So lickety split, I got on the phone with Pam, asked her what the deal was and only THEN did she remind me that the last time I came in, I ALSO bought four stems for a hostess gift I needed for that evening. OOPS. I totally forgot. See?? My memory IS fried. Pam then said: WHAT? I HAVE TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR SOCIAL ACTIVITIES TOO?? To which I naturally said: YES! Man... I need reminding of EVERYthing at this age.

The other thing I hate about bills is that THEY ALWAYS KEEP COMING. Month in and month out! It's not like you can ever say... OKAY, YIPPEE. I TOOK CARE OF THAT AND NOW I CAN MOVE ON. For next thing you know, you turn around and bingo. BILLS ARE THERE ALL OVER AGAIN IN JUST MERE DAYS. I soooo hate jobs like that. This reminds me of way back when, I'd vacuum the carpet because company was coming over or something, and I'd have to tell my family: SORRY. YOU CAN'T WALK WHILE IN THE HOUSE. I JUST DID THE CARPET. SO PLEASE... JUST LEARN TO FLY OVER IT. But whatever.

At least today I did what I had to do. Pay the bills. And with only one phone call, no less. Which meant that when I went to play Canasta today... I went with a lightened heart, knowing my job here was done. Of course now, I have to go do the damn laundry. Now THAT'S a job that needs doing over and over and over again. Talk about never ending! In my next life, I definitely want a staff. And trust me... I'm not talking the kind that Moses used.

MEGA SHOES

Today I went to a shoe store that is pretty much my idea of heaven.

Granted... it's sort of a pain to shop in due to zillions of crowded aisles, but trust me... the HUGE selection way makes up for the warehouse type environment. Man, I've never SEEN so many shoes in one place.

I needed two specific pairs of shoes. To add to my already 4000 pairs, but who's counting. I needed a pretend UGG type of wool lined boot to take with me to Boston and Newport next month. Turns out the temps there could be COLD and I hate when my feet are not nice and toasty. I also hate paying $150 or more a pair when I can easily get the knock off look for a mere $49. In addition, I needed a pretty, feminine styled short suede boot to wear with slacks, skirts, etc. BUT which also have a smooth lining inside. I want to be able to slip my foot right smack into the shoe without screwing up my fancy schmancy thin knee high hosiery.

Sooooo... earlier today I headed out to this shoe mega store, about 20 minutes away. First thing I noticed when I pulled into the parking lot was WHOA. EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE CITY IS HERE? WTF?? I'm telling you... the parking lot was PACKED. This place must make money hand over fist, for sure!

Second thing I noticed was that if you can't find a pair of shoes HERE then you aren't even trying. It's simply unbelievable. There must be thousands of pairs of shoes on these shelves. However... I only needed two. So bingo. I began my mission which took easily, an hour of searching. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

For in fact... I'm thrilled to report I walked away with EXACTLY what I wanted. I got two pairs of black boots, both of which I'll use here this winter as well as on this trip up north. I had checked out plenty of other stores before I went out yet again today, but could not find what I was looking for. However... 'tis a problem no more, I'm happy to say.

And believe me... I could almost use these new shoes TODAY. It's cold as hell here right now. Seriously. The highs are like in what?? The low 50s?? With wind making it feel even colder. Like in the high 40s?? Actually, I am wearing the suede boots as we speak given I'm headed out to the movies pretty soon.

Anyway, it's always such a great feeling to find just what you need and therefore I'm feeling pretty spiffy at the moment. Factor in of course the uh... little extra pair of boots that I bought... and whammo. I'm feeling even spiffier. I know... I only needed two, but had to get three since I am a major sucker for anything black patent and I also found a pair of GREAT black patent boots. SO up my alley. 

The topper to the whole day is not only will I soon be munching on movie theater popcorn, but will also be doing Mexican cuisine for dinner, afterwards. What could be bad? Shoes AND delicious food all in one day. I'm totally smiling.      

SHOOT THIS GUY

Well... okay. Shoot may be a bit harsh but still. I need to do SOMEthing to my next door neighbor.

I live in what is considered a very pretty neighborhood. The houses are modern, lovely and everyone maintains their homes beautifully. Especially the lawns. Whether or not they are slobs inside their homes, I have no clue. But I can tell you this... from the outside, the neighborhood is pristine.

Enter: my next door neighbors. Very nice people, I will readily admit. I even forgave the shiny black pick up truck their teen aged son parks in the driveway since I figured the father wanted to give the kid a really "safe" car as his first vehicle. But NOW? Oh man... now I want to totally shoot the guy.

Turns out my neighbor... and his father and grandfather... went to Clemson University in South Carolina. The son probably will as well. And... all these men are MAJOR Clemson football fans. Which brings me to my being really pissed.

The guy is SUCH a Clemson fan that three months ago, I took a look out my window and lo and behold I see this monstrosity of a VW Van from the 1970s, painted in the most disgusting pea green color you ever saw. HORRIBLE eye sore, for sure! Huh??? How can you even THINK of parking this disgusting car in the driveway of a pretty, upscale neighborhood?? I wanted to throw up.

Little did I know however that the van was a mere canvas, for in about 6 weeks time next thing I know... the van is now painted TOTALLY ORANGE AND WHITE!! As in: Clemson's colors!! From bumper to bumper! To take to tail gate parties during the football season!! The whole f-ing thing is all rigged out in matching curtains, seat covers, throw pillows, spare tire cover, etc. etc. You name it, it's orange and white. I WAS STUNNED. And oh so nauseous. 

Of course the neighbor is on cloud nine. He LOVES his tribute to Clemson. He adored very second of labor that went into developing this crap. I even once asked him: UH... YOU PLANNING ON PARKING THIS IN THE DRIVEWAY??? I was told he was not. It'd go in the garage. 

Unfortunately he lied.

So now, every day during football season, I have to look out my window and see this damn van and I want to kill the guy for ruining my otherwise beautiful outdoor sight. THIS IS CRAZY. Too bad I like the wife, but trust me... several times I've gently let her know it completely sucks.

Only one thing can possibly make me hate this entire deal more. The VOTE FOR ROMNEY sign he now has sticking up on the lawn, by his mailbox! DON'T EVEN ASK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? That's all I needed to make me REALLY want to bitch. Which of course, I did immediately to president of the Home Owner's Association. I now so smell war.

THE JOISEY BOYS

So I had a pretty good evening last Saturday. I went downtown for a tribute performance to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.... the Jersey Boys.  Excellent show I might add. I love these kind of deals.

For about nine months of the year, there is a monthly tribute to everyone from Patsy Kline let's say to Elvis Presley. From Motown to the Rat Pack. From The Bee Gees to George Burns in Say Goodnight Gracie. So up my alley. Besides, I know every word to every song any of these people sing. Talk about being from "my era". And, everyone can just jump up and dance all over the place if they want. I particularly love when the oldie goldies... no pun intended... get up and dance to either BENNIE AND THE JETS or NEW YORK, NEW YORK or even SURFIN' USA perhaps. The place does sorta rock out, actually. I think the week after next is a tribute to Eric Clapton, but I'm not sure. Naturally I have tickets to that, too.

In the meantime, I did indeed have lots of fun Saturday but the day didn't quite begin that way. Wanna know why?? Get this... the guy I was seeing... boom. HE GAVE ME THE HEAVE HO. As in: IT'S OVER. NICE KNOWING YOU. WE'LL CERTAINLY BE FRIENDS BUT SORRY, WE'RE NOT A MATCH. Which is completely true but still. Can you believe it?? OMG. I was dumped. Which is pretty unusual since truth be told, it's usually ME who does the dumping. But no big deal. It happens to the best of us. 

On the other hand, maybe dumped is a harsh word. For the fact is: that although I had a lovely time being with him, and we did go out for like maybe nine months, the bottom line is: we just didn't ring each other's bell. And I DO love it when my bell is not only rung, but rung so loudly that it can be heard clear cross the city. This particular match was sorta like a meek ding dong at best. However... in spite of his calling it quits, I did find another who was thrilled to go with me, using HIS ticket of course, and whata ya know. Bingo. We had a great time at the concert!

Plus, we had GREAT seats in the second row, center. Perfect for scanning the adorable songsters to see which is the one that if I were only 30 years younger, I could try to bring home for fun and frolic. On the other hand... who wants anyone THAT age? Man, not me, thanks.

I much prefer men who not only know history but who, like me have LIVED history. As in: actually having LIVED life from the late 40s to the present. I always say that I love being from the era where I lived through the British Invasion, was in Haight Ashbury, was around when the Civil Rights Act of '64 passed, watched Kennedy's funeral live and who basically was there for the sex, drugs and rock and roll revolutions. Now THAT was growing up. None of this bullshit of seeing Sky King and Leave to Beaver and Make Room for Daddy and the Donna Reed Show in reruns only.

Anyway, the Jersey Boys sung a slew of wonderful hits and I sang right along with them. So did everyone else who was there. Now that I think of it, I have BEEN to New Jersey. Several times, in fact. No wonder... one of my best girlfriends live there. Back in the good ole days I even DROVE on the Garden State Parkway... something I wouldn't do now if you paid me MILLIONS. I'd rather just go ahead and have my heart attack right smack there in the parking lot of the car rental place rather than have it on the actual highway itself. I can't even believe I ever DID that, now that I think of it. Ahhh... to be young again. But whatever.

All I know is that the guy who dumped me missed a great show. And that I had a fabulous time, regardless. I know ... easy come easy go as they say. The good news however is that I still have an extra ticket for the Eric Clapton tribute. Anyone free next Saturday night?

LOCKJAW

I swear to God... I woke up Tuesday morning feeling as if I had just performed fellatio for like two hours and therefore MY JAW WAS IN MAJOR PAIN. I know... crazy ass description but it's TRUE. I couldn't believe it. Nor could I figure out why the hell I was hurting so much! Nor what could have caused it especially since I can't imagine giving ANYone oral for two hours straight.

But I had to explain the pain SOMEhow. Which is exactly how I did it when I got to my surgeon's office. He of course was outta control laughing when I told him what it felt like, but we DID have to come up with not only an explanation, but certainly a solution, as well. This was just the best way I could explain the feeling. I mean it... I couldn't even open my mouth enough so I could even eat. And trust me, I was hungry. So basically, after the doctor stopped laughing, he sort of got the picture of my pain situation. 

Anyway, we had to first rule out that it could have been caused from my surgery so that I could then run to my dentist if need be, and figure out if this was then a dental problem. Basically, the surgeon luckily ruled out any complication from his end, although to be on the safe side, he did prescribe some antibiotics and pain killers. Which by the way, did help, but only minutely. Therefore my next call was going to be to my dentist.

However a miracle happened. I had a bunch of people over for dinner last night and naturally, I had to tell them of my newest ailment. Then out of the blue, someone came up with the idea that lately I've been under alot of stress... thus maybe I was grinding my teeth at night which of course would then exacerbate any TMJ which I've certainly experienced before.

Bingo. I decided they were on to something. SOOO... to kinda relax myself while asleep last night, I decided to take an Ativan at bedtime. GUESS WHAT?? I woke up this morning and YIPPEE I could eat again! No more lockjaw!! It was gone as quickly as it occurred. I can not TELL you how happy I was to be able to actually open my mouth once again! This was sheer genius on the part of my guest's diagnosis!

I even tested the recovery this morning by trying to eat a bagel and was THRILLED I could! Didn't even have to take baby bites, either. My mouth actually worked again! Man... talk about thanking God for small favors.

On the other hand, I can promise you I STILL won't do oral for two hours. Locked jaw or not. And, btw... I recommend you don't either. There is NO way your jaw will feel good afterwards. HE might love it but you won't.

ONE MONTH

What can I tell you... a month ago today I had my face done and here we are 30 days later WITH NO CRAPOLA NECK AND NO POUCHES ABOVE OR BENEATH MY EYES.

It's incredible. I was thinking earlier about those folks who have been kind enough to tell me I look 15 years younger.... I need to tell them... I think maybe I look BETTER than I did 15 years ago! I swear. It's crazy.

There's pretty much nothing more I can possibly add to what I've already posted about this entire experience but suffice it to say... I SO WISHED my Mother were still here so she could see this. It would be SO up her alley.

She had a facelift when she was but 50... 14 years younger than when I did it.... and she was a beautiful woman still, when she passed away at age 84. So according to my calculations, when I kick the bucket, no matter how old I may or may not be... I'll be pretty damn decent looking no matter what.

Until then... yippee... mission accomplished. So many thanks to all of you who were such wonderful friends to me during this entire deal. What a blessing. I thank you and my Mother thanks you. Man... I miss her every day. 

THE EYES HAVE IT

Yippee. Thank God THAT'S over. I'm back in tip top shape once again. 

For the past couple of weeks or more, I have had to be at my eye doctor's every day and/or every other day. It was becoming a major pain in the ass, but then I finally had no choice and decided: forget about the bitching... which I'm pretty good at actually... and just go with the flow of it all. It's amazing how nicely things can work out once you just say the hell with everything.

Anyway... that's just what I did. Kinda like: if you can't lick 'em, join 'em. Regardless... I have to do all kinds of shit due to dry eyes and one eye lid not having fully closed yet after the surgery. Thankfully that part's over with. So... now with eye lid closing once again, I'm now back to just dealing with the dry eye bit.

Actually, that's a condition all my doctors knew about before going into this face bit so we all figured I'd have to be diligent about the drops, etc. during recovery. However, I also have to use a greasy sort of ointment just before bedtime on one particular eye to be SURE that it is getting enough lubrication. The reason to use it at bedtime only?? Get this...

Once you apply the ointment to the inside of the lower lid... boom, EVERYTHING BECOMES TOTALLY BLURRY. So you're supposed to apply it, hop into bed and boom. Turn off the nightstand light immediately. Well, that's what you're SUPPOSED to do, anyway.

Me? I had to switch things up a bit. As in: once I applied the ointment, I then naturally had to go to the bathroom, then naturally get a drink since I was thirsty again and on yeah... had to watch at least one short show on TV. Which of course I did relying way more of my other eye.

In the meantime, I decided every once in a while to kinda practice for when I become REALLY REALLY old and lose my eyesight altogether. How do I practice, you may ask?? Easy. I VIEW EVERYTHING WITH MY BLURRY EYE ONLY!! OMG... you can't even imagine. I actually now know exactly what it's like to not even come close to passing your Drivers' Test when you turn 90. It's crazy. You can't see shit!

I mean... I can see outlines of things, and can kinda get around my house and I can maybe see people on TV but as for details?? NADA. BLIND AS A BAT. You could never see that sort of thing. As in: DEFINITELY forget about putting on eye makeup or hand sewing or reading anything or probably even cooking. Well, other than MAYBE making a bowl of cereal but even that would have it's challenges. Couple that with the fact I already have macular vascular eye disease, and I'm telling you... I've got to start interviewing chauffeurs in a no time! God forbid.

The good news however is that by morning, the blurriness from the ointment is pretty much gone. Of course I then have to begin my daily regiment of applying liquid eye drops every few hours ALL OVER AGAIN. Geez. Talk about keeping me on my toes.

The other good news is that for now: I can still see! YIPPEE. Thank God for small favors. And thank God for my doctors. Oh yeah... did I tell you I'll need cataract surgery in like five years maybe? I'm so telling you... my freakin' body is aging... right before my very eyes. Literally AND figuratively.

BE CAREFUL WHAT I WISH FOR

Well, that didn't take long. After having gone on and on last night about needing a vacation... boom. Next thing you know, I think I'm actually going on one! I think, anyway. Whoa. Timing IS everything, I see.

So... as it happens, I got email last night from a friend of mine, asking if I wanted to make definite plans about going on a trip to the New England area in early November. As in: Boston, Nantucket and my beloved Newport which I'm DYING to see, given my sheer adoration of the homes... ahem... I mean mansions... of the Gilded Age that are located there. Maybe even a little of D.C and NYC thrown in, too. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? COULD THIS BE JUST THE FIX I'VE NEEDED??

Wow. Maybe it is. And... the more I heard about this itinerary, the more excited I sorta became. I can't even believe it... I'LL ACTUALLY GET TO SEE NEWPORT. I'll also be freezing my f***ing ass off of course, but what the hell. I'm thinking this could almost be FUN. Although I DID warn this friend that I could EASILY drive them totally nuts within mere hours, by way of my zillions of anxieties alone... but they were willing to take the risk. So what the hell. They've been duly forewarned is my theory.

In the meantime, we're pretty much going to be taking off just after the election. Which could put a wrinkle into my every four year annual election night dinner that I love hosting, but whatever. For now... I'll pretend I have no worries whatsoever. We've already got plans for a Pre-Thanksgiving celebration with their family and plans to make sure I get to eat lobster three times a day, every day. My mouth is watering PLENTY.

All I am supposed to be planning... for the moment, anyway... is the musical hours and hours they want ready to go so we can sing our way through like what? Five states?? While feeling a bit buzzed too, I might add. Always an added bonus, if you ask me. Supposedly we're to pretend we're in our 20s all over again.

Although even with my new "look" I can't really pull that off but who's counting. I'm calling this trip my GILDED AGE ROAD TRIP. With a bunch of Rock thrown in, I guess. I can't wait to sing every word to every song through every town we pass. Of course it should probably be called my GOLDEN AGE ROAD TRIP since as you know... I'm this far from becoming an out and out senior citizen. But I'll worry about all that next May.

For now... I'm just worrying about what to pack for this little jaunt. Geez... I'll need sweaters, warm jackets AND my heavy winter coat. Plus, not only walking shoes but my high and low boots, too. Not to mention all the other paraphernalia of hair products and meds. Man... it could take me WEEKS to pack. But, fear not. I'm up for the challenge. And for the fun.

I just need now to figure out exactly where all the bathroom pit stops are located and THAT my friend could be the biggest challenge of all.   

WNTD: VACA FROM SOCIALZING

Man. Either I'm too damn popular or I've got too many friends or I make way too many social plans or I just jam my calendar with far too many damn things. It's becoming crazy and frankly, and I don't see much end in sight. Unless that is, I just say F*** IT. I'M BECOMING A HERMIT.

Which I very well might do. As I walked in the door tonight from an hour and a half of intense socializing at an Open House, I decided: I'm just way too overwhelmed with all this socializing. I need a break. Or a vacation. Or SOMEthing. Which is when I figured I would back up a minute... like since a week ago, let's say... and I'd retrace exactly what's been keeping me on such overload lately.

It kinda boiled down to this: Last Tuesday: eye doctor, lunch with friends and an evening Board Meeting. Last Wednesday: eye doctor and dinner with friends. Last Thursday: core training class, manicure, and fielding zillions of phone calls all night long. Last Friday: eye doctor again, errands and then evening services. Last Saturday: sleep in LATE and then movies and dinner that night. Last Sunday: brunch with four others at the country club and come home and do all sorts of chores around the house. Last Monday: errands, Canasta and Chinese dinner with friends. Today, the ever popular eye doctor, errand and then the ever popular early evening Open House bit tonight.

Now I know that doesn't sound like alot and I KNOW I did way more running around when I was busy raising my family, but NOW? At THIS age? I'm telling you... I'm worn friggin' OUT. And basically... this wasn't all that much of a crammed week, either! Regardless, I just came home tonight and said: THAT'S IT. I'M BOWING OUT OF THE WINE TASTING PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT. I QUIT. MY SOCIALIZING IS OVER. Well, for a while anyway. 

Especially since tomorrow I've already got to hit the eye doctor, meet Betsy for lunch and then make a 3:00 appointment with my attorney. I'm telling you. I NEED A VACATION. Which is so ironic since I like have the most hum drum life you ever saw, to begin with. Honestly, I am a perfect poster girl for those who do so LITTLE. Is this the craziest thing or what?

Then, I'm thinking: Whoa. Wait. I've got a concert downtown on Saturday night, 6 people coming for dinner next Wednesday night, two fancy schmancy birthday luncheons in like a week maybe, a couple of major party invitations already for October and then of course, Thanksgiving. Not to mention, my regular card game, exercise class, etc. etc. Hence: what's up with all this socializing I do?? I feel like Susan Powter: STOP THE MADNESS. Oh yeah... I need to factor in the fact Bonnie's not even here for a long while.

But what REALLY gets me is the fact almost everyone I know does TWICE what I do in a day. Their calendars are FILLED with stuff. Really MEANINGFUL stuff too. Me? I do crap. Them? They actually ACCOMPLISH sh*t! In ADDITION to all the socializing, no less. Talk about having A personalities. I apparently am much more into the N personality. As in: nonsense.

Yeah... I know, I know. Busy hands are happy hands and I really shouldn't complain at all. I should be happy that I have a wonderful life, with plenty to do and plenty of friends with whom to do it. On the other hand, if I DON'T get some down time soon, how can I possibly find time to relish in my delight by sitting and watching Mitt absolutely screw up his very own campaign royally. For THAT? Man, I could book hour after hour, easily. Seriously... I'm SO getting off on his f*** ups.

Which definitely feeds into my desire to become a HERMITT. Boom. I can kill two birds with one stone. 

IT WORKED! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

So what can I say? I had a great moment last night and I must admit, I'm tickled pink about it, too. This was just unbelievable. Get this...

Turns out I was in my favorite movie theater here in town. It's an independent theater without seating like in regular ones. Instead, the entire place is dimly lit, totally filled with small round dining tables and two really nice chairs with casters that can lean back a little if you want, and it's like a cozy little restaurant let's say. Two to a table. Thus you make friends with everyone seated all around you plus you get the feeling while being there that everyone else is also happy and friendly and of course, equally psyched for a great movie. Which last night, btw, was ARBITRAGE with Richard Geer. Talk about being sweet on the eyes. I'm so telling you... don't miss this film!

Anyway, there we were seated at our table, chit chatting, having fun while I was major busy gobbling down my excellent pop corn and diet coke. This lady in front of us was enjoying a chicken salad sandwich and the people to our left were enjoying cheeseburgers. So I just happened to ask the lady in front of me... very attractive, well groomed, a couple years older than myself, lovely makeup and hair, etc. etc... what she was eating and next thing you know we were in a happy conversation. No wonder. She apparently took a major shine to me!

She began with asking me where I live. I told her I'm from Miami but have lived here permanently for the past ten years to which she replied: "I KNEW you weren't some run of the mill country girl! I took one look at you and could tell you're a REAL fashionista!" WHOA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? IS THIS LADY ASTUTE OR WHAT? Like how great is it that your date gets to hear a total stranger rave about you? Seriously. Plus whether or not this lady was a complete liar made no difference whatsoever to me... I was in sheer delight over this woman's comments. Which is why naturally, I fell in love with her immediately.

She began asking me where I shopped, etc. which was kind of surprising since I was basically wearing nothing more than a regular end of summer outfit. As in: black lace leggings, a black soft fabric-ed asymmetrical long tunic top with a scarf styled hem and black soft satin like flats. Which makes me think: it must have been the six inch Camellia Flower pin I was also wearing. But matters not. All I know is that after her rave reviews, the next thing to come out my mouth was: OH YEAH... YOU'LL LOVE THIS. TWO AND A HALF WEEKS AGO, I HAD A FACE LIFT!!

She then went wild with THAT news. I told her all about it and she was just so thrilled hearing me lay it all out. I finished it off with... YEAH, NOW I CAN ENJOY MY 65TH BIRTHDAY NEXT MAY FEELING PRETTY DAMN HAPPY, TOO.  Don't ask. That's all she had to hear. I thought I'd have to pick my new best friend up from the floor. WHAT?? 65?? YOU CAN'T BE!! I WOULD HAVE EASILY PEGGED YOU FOR NO MORE THAN YOUR MID 40s!!

Which of course is the exact moment I decided: OMG. IT WORKED! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I DO IN FACT LOOK BETTER!! Let alone younger. Which btw, is ALSO a great thing for your date to hear. Regardless, I think I better mark the calendar with yesterday's date since THAT is the first time since my surgery that an out and out stranger was basically fooled. I can't WAIT to tell my plastic surgeon! Since basically, I look at this like it was two party operation.

I supply the crappy ass hanging skin face and he supplies the perfect surgical procedure. All in all... a major match made in heaven. YIPPEE. IT WORKED.