Thursday, February 28, 2013


First of all, given the right situation, I cry easily. Secondly, I eat on demand. Third of all, I love to nap. And fourth of all.. most importantly... I normally like to go to bed on a somewhat full stomach. Kinda like a baby.

Enter: Popcorn. Man, I've got such an addiction going on here, it's crazy. Just the other day I was telling Janet, who btw I've known since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!! that I love going to the movies. But even MORE, I love popcorn. How ANYone could enter the theater withOUT first buying a bag popcorn is beyond me. Turns out Janet loves popcorn, too.

Oh yeah... point of information: I hooked up with Janet a couple of years ago on Facebook and its' been totally great being in touch with her again. She was a knockout in high school and is a knock out to this day. Long blond hair, fantastic figure, bright and funny and absolutely loves her dog. Or dogs. I can't remember which. Besides, I just got email from her today saying she loved my plaid slacks. So definite bonus points for THAT Janet! Anyway...

I developed a horrible habit about nine months ago, I guess. Get this. It all began one night, when I was looking for a low cal snack to eat before I called it a day. I searched all through my pantry and bingo. I found SMART BALANCE LIGHT BUTTERED POPCORN. I compared labels pretty carefully when I was buying it and decided this brand had the least carbs, etc. Anyway, it turned out to be a perfect fit for my late night feeding needs that fateful night all those months ago. I popped the bag into the microwave... no pun intended... and in exactly one minute and 43 seconds boom. I had an excellent food choice to gobble down as I watched the 11:00 news.

So excellent in fact that it's like NOW I can't even THINK of watching the news without first having my popcorn! I'M SO ADDICTED IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. I can't even believe what's happened to me. Man... just one night and all of a sudden whammo. It turned into an alltime mandatory munchie in mere seconds. WTF?? In fact, it's now gotten to the point where having popcorn in my pantry is all of a sudden as important as having staples like toilet paper, Diet Coke and bags of salad in the house. It's crazy!

Granted, I have an addictive personality, so I guess it was kinda easy to get into this crappy habit. But still and all, it's a habit I have no clue whether or not I can even break. Which is why I should be ever so thankful I never tried coke. And I'm not talking Diet Coke, either. That I'm ALREADY addicted to... WAY before the new popcorn bit kicked in. Trust me; had I ever put my nose to the line, I could have SO been the target audience for many a dealer.

Which I guess is good news that it's popcorn that's now my go to snack. Of course that doesn't necessarily rule out my mandatory edict whereby I begin each day with a sugar free cookie and go to bed with one, also. THAT I've done for years. I just need a couple of bites of something a little bit sweet and yippee. I begin and end each day perfectly happy. Unless of course I'm just too full from popcorn.

Oh yeah... and get this. I'd have to imagine a bag of this microwave popcorn is supposed to feed at least two people, if not more. Keyword: supposed. For me?? You can SO  be sure I down a full bag but easily. In fact, one day the store only had MINI BAGS... four baby bags to a box... and I figured OK, I'll fall for it. I'll eat the mini bag. Big mistake. How long you think it took before I told Bonnie...  Eeeks. I want the box with big bags ONLY!

Basically, I'm thinking the Mini Bags were probably for individuals alright. But in my book... individuals who were probably like five years old. Which only points to the fact that indeed, I'm a major baby. A baby wants a full bottle before hitting the sack. But me? I want a full bag of popcorn. And then of course I want to climb into bed and actually SLEEP... like what else... A BABY!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013


See this picture?? I so love it. Well, actually it's not the picture I love so much but rather it's the PANTS. No wonder I love them. I MADE THEM.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Plaid pants aren't real hot on the runways at the moment but who cares. I still love these. I'm just kinda crossing my fingers that I'm not too OLD to wear plaid. But whatever. In fact, I NEVER wear printed slacks. Always solid and if I wear print, it's always in my top. This time however I switched it out and I must say... I seem pretty okay with it.  

In the meantime, I had this fabric and decided a couple weeks ago that I was in the mood to see how this print would sew up. Oh yeah... get a load of all the lines and/or seams... notice anything?? THEY ALL MATCH. PERFECTLY, I MIGHT ADD. Just like The House of Chanel, right? Man, would my mother ever be thrilled to see this. Anyway, what I love even more is get this... I DIDN'T EVEN USE A PATTERN! That's right... I bet even Calvin Klein can't say that.

Instead what I did was grab a pair of slacks from my closet... a pair whose fit I adored... and bingo. Used THOSE as my kinda pattern. You know... the ole trick of taking one pant leg and putting it inside the other pant leg and then bingo... you lay it out and there's your pattern all ready to go! My take was: Geez. If little 12 year old girls in Indonesia can do this, then so can I. Oh yeah... if you think laying out the pretend pattern was easy so that the stripes would all match up... think again. Granted it wasn't all THAT hard, but the fact everything came together just as I wanted was happily shocking for me. I love when my plans actually work out.

In the meantime, I've worn these slacks twice already I think, and each time I've been happy as a lark. Talk about easy! Talk about comfy! Talk about fast! I mean seriously... I sewed the seams together, added an elastic waistband (but of course), did the hem and next thing you know... I'm dressed for the day. Add a heavy pashmina and boom. I'm ready to go almost anywhere.

As we speak, I have fabric laying on my dining room table waiting for me to cut out my next pair of pants... well, actually leggings if you want to get technical. Once again, I'll go to my closet, find a favorite of the 20 pairs of leggings I have and within an hour and a half I'll have yet ANOTHER pair of pants. Also printed, I might add. But that's a totally different look. Whatever.

BTW... about two months ago I bought a stunning eggplant colored tunic that I love but didn't have the right colored slacks for them. So guess what... I was at the fabric store and lo and behold what do I find?? COLORED FABRIC IN THE EXACT SAME EGGPLANT COLOR!! I was absolutely tickled pink, no pun intended. Boom. Made THOSE pants in no time and now I have a beautiful monochromatic outfit that is simply great, if you ask me. And once again, absolutely totally comfy!

Which IS my watchword when it comes to clothing. And/or shoes.  

Monday, February 18, 2013


Actually, I should only BE so lucky. As we speak, I am awaiting Adam, the 24 hour plumber guy to head on over here. Bear in mind, it's just after one in the morning. Don't ask. All I know is that 1.) I tried getting into the shower a half hour ago only to find I have no hot water and 2.) when I went to the garage to check out the hot water heater, pretending I have a clue as to what it's all about... boom. I see water leaking from it all over the floor. Jesus... SO not what I want to see.   

The funny thing is... I swear... my next blog was going to be all about the shower, too! In which case I'll just go ahead and tell the story now. So listen to THIS.

My take is that unless you're five years old, you never ever forget to shower for two days. Unless of course.... sitting down???... YOU'RE ME. OMG. I can't believe that four days ago... I went two whole days without showering. At all! I'VE LOST MY MIND COMPLETELY??? I BELONG LIVING IN THE WILD?? Apparently so.

Turns out that due to Claudia's edict 15 years ago, I began showering at night rather than in the morning. I wasn't totally crazy about it, but on the other hand, her command has really worked out much more to my liking, given it EASILY takes off 25 minutes of prep time when I brush my teeth, put on makeup, do my hair and dress for the day. It was like an ingenious switch up... and one that I've followed ever since Claudia made me do it. Her take was that not only does it cut dressing time in half but more importantly... who would get into bed each night withOUT being freshly showered?? Point taken.

However... come to find out.. about four days ago, I got just so busy that night that I was totally exhausted and eventually hopped right smack into bed... and slept like a baby, I might add. In the meantime when I woke up the next morning I literally said to myself: OMG. I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SHOWER LAST NIGHT!! Which I figured was no earth shattering deal, since I would do so in about an hour. Okay. That should work. That was also day one without bathing.

BUT... said shower never even came to pass in that hour since I had gotten a phone call, was told I was to meet with someone lickety split, so had to hurry up to do my teeth, makeup, hair, etc and head right smack out the door. Again, I figured it was no earth shattering deal since once I got home a couple hours later, I would just shower THEN. Seemed do-able enough.

HOWEVER... as the day rolled on by I then began to think: HEY... HALF THE DAY IS ALREADY GONE SO WHY NOT JUST WAIT TIL TONIGHT, WHICH IS MY REGULAR SHOWER TIME ANYWAY, AND SIMPLY GET BACK ON SCHEDULE, THEN?? Which is exactly what I did. Lived my entire day and night, doing all the things I normally do and eventually get to my shower bit.

Just one glitch though. I got done with my yoga really late that night and I was starved afterwards so had a really late dinner and then watched some late night TV, etc. etc. until boom. Before I knew it... I just HAD to get some sleep. I was completely bushed. Which only meant: Sitting down? EEKS. DAY TWO WITH AGAIN, NO SHOWER.  

Holy crapoly. I AM a good for nothing wild beast of a woman afterall!! TWO WHOLE DAYS AND NO BATHING WHATSOEVER. I was totally embarrassed for myself. AND praying that I didn't have to run to the ER or somewhere that night where I'd be humiliated that someone would find out what my personal hygiene practices REALLY are. Oh man... I can't even believe this happened.

The good news however is that FINALLY... on day three, as soon as I woke up... YIPPEE. I HOPPED RIGHT IN THE SHOWER AND FELT LIKE A NEW WOMAN IMMEDIATELY. And best of all, I got back on schedule. Thank GOD for small favors.

The bad news is... uh oh... I'm apparently going to bed without a hot shower yet AGAIN tonight. Totally screwing up my entire bathing practices all over again. So much for cleanliness being next to Godliness. Which believe it or not IS my normal guiding principle in life.

Now... off to go greet Adam. Whom I'm sure is freshly bathed. For which I'm way jealous, too. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013


I am so telling you... last night I was in sheer HEAVEN as I watched SNL. I had to be. ALABAMA SHAKES PERFORMED! And they were nothing short of astounding. You've heard of this band?? If so then you know what I'm talking about. If not, then you're mighty welcome for my introducing you to them right here and now. They win didn't a Grammy this year, damnit... but man they should have. On the other hand, I can't be too upset given my other favorite... FUN... did. If you remember correctly, I gave you all links to two of their best songs which are simply fannnnn-tastic.

So today I'm now offering up two more links... from last night's show. You will flip. Too bad you couldn't see the ACTUAL performance for the replay loses alot of it's umph, but regardless... you'll get the message. Plus, you can always go to YouTube to see the uncensored version and better sound clarity. The top video is the first song they sang and the bottom one is the second. Which was better?? It's impossible to tell... choosing your favorite kid would be easier, if you ask me. And oh yeah... in case you didn't know... parents DO have favorites, regardless of what they tell you. Putting that aside, however...

Check this outAnd then you too will agree: Now THIS woman knows how to rock. And definitely knows how to play the guitar! In fact all the musicians do. But Brittany seems to be especially one on one with hers and all I know is that the next time I toke... I SO have to listen to this band but good. My musical delights will surely explode. Just wait til you hear the second song... OMG. So knocks my socks off in that one. Man I could watch them playing it over and over and NEVER tire of it. 

It's kinda funny because I used to have a friend who adored the guitar and until they REALLY turned me on to it, my alltime favorite rock instrument was the piano. The drums were a very very close second. Yeah, yeah. I know. Pianos weren't necessarily made for rock but go tell that to Elton John. NO one plays a piano like he does. Anyway... when you see Alabama Shakes play THEIR guitars, man oh man will you ever be thrilled. Plus, the rhythm in the two songs I gave you up above is simply stupendous.

What is really freaky to me is that as I approach 65, I basically have no clue who is who in the rock world nor who sings what songs. I hear names bantered around all the time, but I have no idea what they look like or what they sing. I did however, pick up on Pink's GET THE PARTY STARTED lickety split as well as Kelis' MILKSHAKE. Whoa. If only my Mother were alive to hear some of these tunes... she'd so think the world's gone nuts. Which it basically has, but why get bogged down with details.

In the meantime, try to get into Alabama Shakes. There is no way you can regret it. They have become major famous and have played great venues and my take is: you ain't seen NOTHING yet. Granted... I may be late to their party, but late is better than never. Will they thrill me like Mick Jagger singing START ME UP? Definitely. As much as Rob Thomas though and BRIGHT LIGHTS or BACK TO GOOD?? Uh... only maybe. But who can blame me? It'd be like having to choose your favorite kid. 

Saturday, February 16, 2013


I love proverbs. I always have. Some of them are just so potent and so very true and even better, so many times there is simply no way for me to express my feelings better than with the use of a proverb.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE is one that I love for it says just what I mean and it means just what I'm saying. Kinda like: Nice try but it ain't going to cut the mustard, you flaming a**hole. That said... my very FAVORITE proverb and the first one I've ever taught my kid is: GOOD THAT COMES TOO LATE IS LIKE NO GOOD AT ALL. It conjures up an image in my head that basically says: F YOU and your flimsy lame excuses. Which as you might imagine is a simply PERFECT way for me to express myself to anyone who deserves it.

For my purposes here, however... I'm sticking with the too little too late bit. Because that is EXACTLY what I thought the minute I saw that tonight... FINALLY... here in mid February... we got our very first snow fall!!! There's a pict of it, up above. February?? First snow?? Are you kidding me?? Plus... that was it?? Like an inch maybe?? It's over? In half an hour? Oh man... this is SO not a real snowfall, if you ask me. It's more like a baby pretend tease. Besides, according to the Poor Farmer's Almanac, it was supposed to be a mean winter here this year. As it turns out however... a beautiful, perfectly mild, easy to do winter ever since December 1st.  

True, I shouldn't be bitching cause a couple years ago we had so much snow that I swear... I felt like I lived in New Jersey! Seriously... there was snow piled up on the curbsides on every street in the city for MONTHS. And I didn't even have my generator then, either. Nor James, my alltime favorite snowplow guy who replaced Jimmy. Granted... Jimmy indeed plowed my driveway well enough, but was also kind of an idiot. But whatever.

The good news is: Yippee. I have now have beautiful snow all over my lawn and deck. And, the flakes were fat and stunning as they fell. The bad news however is: now that I've complained about all this... watch. God is going to punish me with like 6 or more inches of snow sometime between now and the beginning of April. EEEKS. THAT amount screws up my getting out of the house altogether. At least with just an inch of snow I can still drive and go play with friends, dine out somewhere or shop or do whatever the heck I'd like.

Which now merely begs the question of a totally DIFFerent proverb: BE CARE WHAT YOU WISH FOR. I could SO be headed for trouble.  

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Ahhh... the holiday of love. Totally up my alley, right? And happily, I must say that I enjoyed several special holiday messages from several special people. One of my favorites is here in this picture. Did you ever SEE such a beautiful array of colors??

As it happens these 2 dozen roses were waiting for me when I pulled up into my driveway yesterday. Talk about a great surprise. Even better... while there are a few folks from whom I could have imagined these would have been sent, come to find out... THEY WERE SENT BY MY KID. Oh man... does HE ever know how to wrap me right smack around his finger. Seriously... what Mother wouldn't smile when she saw such a bouquet? And then wouldn't want to give her kid anything he ever desired. Mission accomplished on that front, by the way.

In the meantime, I enjoyed a lovely Valentine's Day lunch and then realized oops. I totally forgot to wear even a hint of red or pink today. Which everyone else at the restaurant did. But okay. So I'll have to remember green for St. Patty's Day or something. I did however come home and enjoy a simply wonderful treat.

Sitting down?? TWO OF MY ALLTIME FAVORITE VARIETY OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!! Oh man... now THAT is something I love, alright. I wouldn't dream of eating any other kind but the CARAMEL DELIGHTS. Which used to be called SAMOAS, btw. Nice try on the switch up but trust me... I don't fool easily. Man I love this time of year. I was even given two boxes of Thin Mints the other night, which if ever pressed, could possibly win my Number Two slot.

In the meantime, I'm all about lace, flowers, hearts, chocolates, and romantic cards. Apparently so is everyone else on the planet. Seriously... you have any idea how much money this holiday brings in?? Think: zillions and zillions. And then think more zillions. Boom. You have your final total. I'd almost have to say Valentine's Day could easily go head to head with Christmas. Which is also an excellent holiday now that I think about it. Holidays with presents?? You can SO count me in.

All in all however, I'd have to say my REAL favorite gift giving holiday is by far: MY VERY OWN BIRTHDAY. Which as I like to remind everyone is but a few months away. I even love the date upon which I was born. Even more, I love the fact I am a Taurus. Definitely a fantastic sign and it pretty much describes me to a T. And while Valentine's Day is all about the color red... on my birthday? I almost always wear white. Simply my alltime favorite color.

But for now... while I'm awaiting the big event in May, let me just say to all the lovers and dreamers out there in the land of love... I hope you too had a wonderful holiday today. I hope you love someone dearly and that someone dear loves you in return. 

And as for anyone who came home today saying... OH.. I'M REALLY SORRY. I  MEANT TO BUY YOU SOMETHING BUT I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME: Uh... you're SO a major loser.


Welcome. Well, okay, I'm not at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or anything, but still. I was totally thrilled yesterday, when I got email from Monika saying that thanks to Laura, she was now my newest follower of this blog. Boy... is SHE ever in for a treat. Besides, what could be bad... just look at how gorgeous Monika is, there in the pict.

I basically met Monika what? 8 years ago maybe? I can't even remember. I met her when she married my nephew, Jeffrey and trust me... ever since then he's been in 7th heaven. Kinda like the rest of the family now that I think of it. Never once have I ever heard an unkind word spoken about Monika from ANYone. Not that my hearing is all that good nowadays, but you get the drift.  

Unfortunately, I don't get to see Monika any too often given she's in South Florida and I'm up here. I'd say maybe the last time she and Jeff and Olivia were here was maybe a year ago?? Believe me... I get all abuzz when I'm told they are heading up this way. Yeah... I know I may not be first on their A List of People to See... but it doesn't matter. I still love every minute I get to spend with them.

I also love every minute I get to spend with Laura as well. Which I'm happy to say I did just last month when I was in Ft. Lauderdale for a couple of days. If you remember correctly, SHE was the one who introduced me to Randy... uh... the psychic. I know. I know. I'm not SUPPOSED to believe every word Randy says, but too bad. I love the info she offers up, regardless.

In the meantime, I've known and loved Laura for almost 47 years. Both she and Monika are just the sort of women who make your day happy as hell. Very girlie, very hip, very funny, very happy, very grounded, always smiling and most importantly... very loving. SO up my alley. I do have to say btw, that while I'm indeed way over Facebook... I'm sick of the posts completely about dogs, politics, freebies, etc... I do love seeing all the picts and info about these two women. THEY know what Facebook is SUPPOSED to be about. As in: giving me a frequent heads' up as to what's doing in their lives and naturally, the pictures to prove it. Unlike me of course, who merely posts crapola every once in a while, about whatever I may be thinking at the moment. Plus... from what I can gather on Facebook, both Monika and Laura are apparently wild about the men in their lives and trust me... I am heavy into that.

So on this Valentine's Day I do have send my love to both Laura and Monika. Not only are they excellent women to adore but best of all... they are apparently mighty astute. They'd have to be. THEY FOLLOW MY BLOG!     

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


See this picture?? Don't ask.

As I've written before, I am totally psyched that beginning 5/1 I'll be a full fledged Medicare recipient, able to FINALLY kiss my $1700+ monthly insurance payments goodbye forever. Man... it'll almost be like I'm getting a brand new baby paycheck each month, especially when you factor in my measly stupid little Social Security payment. Hallef'inglujah! I'm thinking the total of the two will at least cover the costs for all my house help each week and some of my many tabs from dining out. Two things which actually hold the highest priority in my life. Well, that and STILL putting my kid through school. But whatever. All I know is that I am now for sure... officially a senior citizen. EEEKS.

That's the good news about Medicare. The bad news is OMG you should so see the crazy ass stack of Medicare information that has piled up since I met with Amber the two weeks ago. IT'S NUTS. Even if I WANTED to read all the crap, I wouldn't know where to begin. Plus, I'm thinking this stuff is kinda IMPORTANT to read but too bad. I won't. I'm serious. I figure now that I've got the Supplemental Plans in place... thanks to my hero, Amber... who needs to now be bogged down with all the minutia of details? So not my style. I'd have to shoot myself before I settled down with all this reading material.

Which only points to my self diagnosis of MENTAL BLOCKS. I have several, actually. Case in point... anything to do with numbers and/or money. I hate dealing with all that. As in: tax preparations for example. ME??? DOING MY OWN PREP WORK?? So not going to happen. No wonder. I have a true and serious mental block about it! 

So much so that even when I play Canasta each week, I NEVER tally up all my points! I'm telling you... so many points for this, so many points for that, so many points for each Canasta and on and on it goes. Hell... I'd be just as happy never tallying ANY points. Just play for the fun of it all, if you ask me. Thus this is a job I hand right smack over to my partner. Making bank deposits on the other hand?? Definitely up my alley.

In the meantime, another thing about which I have a mental block is: important documents with zillions of written details. Like my Will and/or Trust for instance. I would NEVER sit down and read that. My take is: HEY. THAT'S WHAT I HIRED THE ATTORNEY FOR! Let HIM read that crap. Besides, he WROTE it. When we did go over the finished papers, you can so be sure I had him read it TO me as I followed along. And basically, I've never picked up the document ever since. 

Kinda like this Medicare bit. I am DEFINITELY having Amber gloss over all this mail, the pamphlets, etc. with me, after which you can be sure I'm basically planning on tossing most of it out. Who the hell can even house all these papers?? Yes, I have my home purchase papers, my car title papers, important medical and/or hospital papers and all my banking statements. Other than those, do you REALLY need anything else? I know.... I know. I'm totally lazy. But I sorta like it that way. 

Oh yeah... good luck to my son btw whenever he has to settle my estate or something and goes looking for all my papers. Which is where my assistant Bonnie comes in, actually. I've told her a million times... if I kick the bucket YOU tell my kid where everything is stored. Besides, she'll know in a heartbeat given she's the one who's filed it away for me in the first place. Thank God for small favors.

All I know for now is that I'm almost afraid each day to go to my mailbox. If any MORE mail arrives regarding Medicare I'll totally freak. If however any checks for deposit should arrive... boom. All of a sudden I'm not only reading it but will turn into a numbers kind of girl... uh... 1-2-3.

Friday, February 8, 2013


I learned to read via the Alice and Jerry basal readers. In the early 50s I might add. I sorta enjoyed the mandatory reading circle in elementary school but I didn't always love reading itself. No wonder. For the first 21 years of my life, I was busy reading whatever the hell the required books for school were... from Junior High to College graduation, at the very least. Plus... I wasn't a particularly fast reader.

However once I graduated college, boom. I was able to read whatever I wanted AND I could take my sweet little pretty time about it, too. One of my favorites from way back then was Prizzi's Honor and somewhere along the line came The Godfather. The story that REALLY set my pleasure reading in motion however was definitely A King's Story... the biography of the Duke of Windsor giving up his throne for the love of a woman. Oh man... talk about capturing the heart of a love struck 16 year old. A guy giving up his kingdom for some stupid ass woman?? SO up my alley.

Anyway, when raising my kids, I would escape but plenty, for heavy private relaxation time in my bedroom with a fantastically wonderful book. I read in my bed, while every once in a while peeking at the kids in the pool though my sliding glass doors which apparently was my method of "keeping an eye on the kids". Thus this is the period during which I became a really voracious reader given it helped mellow me out whenever the kids were screaming and yelling and having a bunch of fun playing. And/or swimming. And/or fighting. Well... that and grass, but who's counting. Before falling asleep each night, I also could read way late into the wee hours of the night only to of course want to shoot myself the next morning when I had to be up and at 'em bright and early. Bottom line: my voracious reading went on for decades.

Until that is, the deaths of my brother, my mother and then my father. I just couldn't stand the silence of the room whenever I read, and I certainly couldn't read with any background noise as in: TV or the radio or whatever. Basically I was screwed. 

Not so fast, however. Enter: THE KINDLE. To be more exact: THE TEXT TO SPEECH FEATURE ON THE KINDLE.

I totally fell in love with this new toy IMMEDIATELY since I could now not only read book after book after book, but even better... THE KINDLE BOOK COULD TO READ TO ME. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Boom. I could hear all KINDS of stories and I never once had to worry about any deafening silence. I was like THE target audience for this new eBook reader deal.

Which means... my Kindle can now read to me all day long if I want and even better... it can read me to sleep every night. That alone is a God send. Five minutes of reading aloud to me... bingo. I am fast asleep for the entire night. Until I have to wake up to go to the bathroom but that's another story altogether. Anyway... without my Kindle I'm lost. Which is why this morning, when like every morning, I got up, plugged in the charger and began to put on my makeup only to find... OOPS. NO MORE CHARGE WORKING ON MY KINDLE... I freaked. Huh? WTF is THAT all about? What happened?? HELP... I NEED MY KINDLE RECHARGED.

Lickety split I got on the phone with Amazon... spoke to a technical guy and tried all the fixes he suggested. Turns out... sure enough, something with the cable cord and/or charger is kaput. At which time... yippee... the guy said he'd send me the two equipment replacements for no extra charge. Bless his heart, right? Especially since I have the first generation of the BIG sized Kindle DX from years and years ago. And... he'd sent it overnight so I'll have it by tomorrow! This guy DEFINITELY deserves a raise if you ask me.      

Regardless, to this day, I do have admit I adore Alice, Jerry and Jip. Jane, Dick and Spot come in second. Besides, who the hell names a little boy Dick in the first place? I mean seriously... really?? But okay. Whatever. All I know is that even more than Alice and Jerry I love my Kindle. Which will be here in the morning. Until then... I'm going back to the good ole days when I listened to REAL people reading to me via my iPod.

Tonight's bedtime story btw?? Fairy Tale Interrupted... the biography of JFK Jr. Now THERE'S a face to smile about when one is dozing off in sweet slumber and/or sweet surrender. Trust me... either one'll work.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I just find this picture so amazing. I've been noticing it for about a couple of weeks let's say, and each time it just knocks me out. Study it closely.

It's a picture of my computer keyboard. Notice anything weird about it? Think maybe it's time I should buy a new one?? Well... maybe YOU would need a new one but ME?? Apparently not. I don't have to since I NEVER look at my keyboard as I'm typing. Instead, my eyes are always on the monitor as I merrily go along pressing each needed key. But seriously, is this NORMAL??

Does EVERYone have HALF THEIR LETTERS  TOTALLY MISSING?? Something tells me it's just me, right? Can you believe it??? I find this simply hilarious. Besides, I guess it's a good way to keep others away from even using my computer when I don't want them to. Without any letters they probably won't even know what the hell they're typing in the first place. Thanks to Mr. Napoli's typing class in high school however, I do.

So as best I can tell... I no longer have an E, R, A, S and L. Plus... check out the W, I, O, D, F, G, H, V, B and N. They too, don't have much time left in this world. What the hell do I DO to these letters, anyway?? I have never seen anyone else have THEIR keyboard disappear right before their very eyes. What's the deal with ME? I have freaky fingers or something? Besides, my fingers never even touch the keyboard... I TYPE WITH THE TIPS OF MY NAILS.

The funny thing is... I've never yet even thought to replace this keyboard. I never even SAW the missing letters until two weeks ago. Like how long has this been going ON anyway?? I can't even imagine how long it's going to take for all the other letters to disappear altogether, but you can bet your bottom dollar, I'm sure going to be on the look out from here on in. Typing without any letters whatsoever? Now THAT'S gotta be interesting, alright.

Speaking of keys, did you ever see an accountant type all the numbers on the right hand side of a keyboard? WITHOUT ONCE LOOKING?? To me that is one of THE most amazing talents ever. My accountant NEVER looks as he's keying in numbers and I find it sorta frightening, actually. Like how does HE know whether or not he's made a mistake on my tax returns?? His eyes are planted right smack onto a sheet of paper and his fingers are flying a mile a minute thus he has no way of cross checking, if you ask me. Well, unless all of a sudden I happen to be due a refund in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. In which case, I should only be so lucky. 

In the meantime, I have no clue when I'll have to eventually break down and buy a new keyboard. I am kind of fascinated actually to see just how long it's going to take for me to eventually have a completely blank keyboard. I'm like having a silent little bet with myself. Three months?? 9 months? Never?? Maybe by then I'll even have my new Mac computer anyway, which btw is the only computer my kid says I should buy. And even then I'm not so sure that after more than almost two decades with Microsoft, I CAN break away.

Talk about separation anxiety.

Saturday, February 2, 2013


So beginning two weeks ago I was in the unbelievable throes of having major irregular heartbeats and/or palpitations. I'm telling you... it was crazy. For all this time, these crazy ass heart beats would come for fifteen minute clips and then go away for about about a half hour let's say. It was actually kinda freaky. Anyway, last Saturday night I finally high tailed it over to the ER to see what's what.

I was tested, told I won't die, then released soon enough and was told to see my cardiologist ASAP. Therein lies the rub.

This past Monday morning, lickety split I got on the phone, called the doctor's office and TRIED to get an app't. Don't ask. It was like pulling teeth. I so could have f-ing kicked the bucket by the time I saw the doctor. Which BTW I SILL HAVEN'T.

Instead I was finally seen by an office nurse on Thursday and only then did they give me a 24 hour heart monitor to wear. Which I did. And which for point of information... NEVER EVER ONCE RECORDED A FUNKY HEART BEAT!! At all! Why not??

Because get this... by the time I got this medical help... after two weeks  of problems... ALL OF A SUDDEN MY HEART BEATING DECIDED TO BECOME ABSOLUTELY NORMAL AGAIN! Can you believe it?? For 14 days I was this close to dying. By the time they decided to monitor me?? Boom. No palps whatsoever! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??? Man, am I ever pissed.

So basically this entire episode has gone by totally untreated and completely not recorded. Well, unless the ultra sound from yesterday showed anything but I don't see how it could given my heart was definitely back to normal by then. On the other hand, the fantastic nurse, also named Linda, and I became such excellent friends that maybe it was worth it, afterall. In fact we became such fast friends that I even brought her five fabulous black lace sheer nightgowns from my closet, for her to choose from for an annual Valentine's dinner she's making for her husband. SIDEBAR: I also instructed her to wear absolutely nothing underneath, unless it's a black g-string and whoa is SHE ever psyched.

But... forget about her. I'm way more concerned with THIS Linda. Who 1.) was given a prescription of low dosage beta blockers should the heartbeats go nuts again and 2.) will FINALLY be able to see the doctor come this Tuesday to go over my results. Which as I said, can't be anything alarming, given the office didn't actually see me while this entire crapola was actually taking place. Geez... who the hell made these receptionists God, anyway?

In the meantime, here I am happy as a lark, and of course feeling just fine. What the heck was actually going on the past couple of weeks, I'll never know. What I do know is that come Tuesday I SO better not hear... according to the ultra sound...  that I've got heart troubles. I'm telling you right now... that kinda news will break my heart, for sure. Pun intended.

Exactly how I'll tell the doctor that the receptionist is a Nazi Wannabe, I have no clue. I did get a great tip however from Valentine Linda: speak to the nurses, instead. Forget the telephone receptionist. Trust me, mission accomplished on that one, alright. Since as it turns out... she did too little too late if you ask me. The Little Bitch.