Wednesday, May 18, 2016


Total yippee. This is my birthday week. Am pretty stoked about it, too. Here I am 68 years old and life has been pretty damn good, if I say so myself. Am thrilled I'm apparently not kicking the bucket any time soon by having some horrible disease. I'm also thrilled I can pretty much buy myself any damn present I want. Well... within reason, that is. And I'm certainly thrilled that my life is filled with wonderful family and friends. And to top it off, I'm thrilled with my birthday plans tomorrow!

To kick off the celebration, I got a box of DEEElious chocolate covered strawberries from my kid today along with an ecard they also sent. These strawberries are my alltime favorite and they are HUGE, as Donald likes to say. I've already downed two of them and have only had them for about 2 hours. What I loved best about the ecard btw, is that my son included a picture of us on the front, each wearing red framed glasses. His he probably ditched a long time ago by now but mine have fallen off the face of the earth as of a year and a half ago. I'm still heartsick over it but whatever.

I've invited 17 of my favorite girlfriends for a Girl's Night Out party. We will first start off with a simple dinner at Claudia's house where I will totally love my birthday cake for dessert. You have no idea how much I look forward to birthday cake each and every year! We'll have a fabulous time chit chatting, eating, maybe even getting soused for all I know. Then afterwards we'll mozey on over to the playhouse, which is not far, for THE best evening of rock 'n roll. You see that picture up above?

That's the play we're all going to see... a musical tribute of these 4 men. Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and Carl Perkins. The reviews have been fanTAStic and I'm SO looking forward to seeing this production! I can tell already I'll be singing every word to every song right smack out loud, meaning I'll probably ruin the music for everyone around me but I don't give a shit. I'm going to have FUN... much like Cyndi Lauper wants me to. Besides... I'm pretty much already a material girl, kinda like Madonna so perfectly depicted in her excellent song. Boom. Put the two together and next thing you know I'll be in my Birthday Glory. Anyway...

I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned this years ago but on every birthday I always wear an outfit of my favorite color... white... and this year will be no different. Believe me... I am dying to wear pale pink, but on the day of my birthday it totally has to be white. I already know which outfit I'll be too, and I'm going to love wearing it. Thank GOD the temps will be in the mid 60s which reminds me... the entire month of May so far has been so damn delightful it's more than I could have ever asked for. Three nights ago I even had the heat on for an hour! DEAR GOD: PLEASE LET THE WEATHER STAY THIS COOL RIGHT SMACK UP TO SEPTEMBER. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN. Regardless...

All I know is that who the hell can even imagine what next May could bring me, so it's pretty important that I celebrate every birthday like there's no tomorrow. God forbid. Which brings me to my last point: OMG. I'M GOING TO BE 68 F'ING YEARS OLD. I am STUNNED. Besides neither Bob nor Linda ever REACHED their 60s so every year is pretty important to celebrate, if you ask me. And... if you're in good health. And btw... when I turn 70?? Holy shit... I'll freak but PLENTY. Unless of course I look utterly fantastic in which case then yippee.

I never freaked out when I turned 40, 50 or 60. But 70?? Jesus. Now THAT'S moving on in years, for sure. That'll give me what? Another 10 years before I'm gone from the face of the earth forever?? Maybe even less for all I know?? Holy Mother F. 

What I do know is that whenever I'm sitting in some wheelchair, dribbling from my mouth, needing someone to feed me my birthday cake then THAT my friend is totally the time to call Dr. Kevorkian. If I can't feed myself french fries, cake and lobster then who even needs to celebrate anymore? Besides... even Cyndi and Madonna are looking older nowadays which is way too bad. I'd love to stay this age forever. If only.   

Wednesday, May 4, 2016


Wow. So what'd ya know. We now have a pretty crazed candidate for the Republican nominee in 2016. Although I do have to admit, I saw this coming from the very beginning, when actually, all my friends cringed in disgust and disbelief when first I spoke of this possibility way back in June. They totally thought I was out of my mind. My sister even yelled at me for even imagining the people of our country would EVER consider such a lunatic candidate.

Well guess what everybody. F.U. Because last night Trump got the last laugh. The exact kind of laugh I got when I first saw this painting of Trump, on the internet this morning. In fact... I even laugh now... hours and hours later. I'll probably keep on laughing each and every time I see this. Oh man... what can one even say when they see this? Other than I assume his member will be one of those that grows yet not shows. 

To me... this is just so, so funny.

Needless to say this was painted, and is actually hanging in a gallery in London. Apparently it was done by an Australian artist name Illma Gore. She titled it: Make America Great Again and is a direct take on what Rubio said in maybe his last debate about Trump's small hands signaling Trump's probable small dork. I SO LOVE THIS!

Illma is not a Trump supporter but still... it hasn't been easy for her. She got her face pretty banged up by someone who wasn't happy with her political expression in art and unfortunately the guy hasn't been found yet. Which is too bad given no one deserves to be physically attacked like this.

Besides... it's not Illma's fault our country has lost it's mind. Although I don't really fully blame our citizens, either. WTF did the Republican Congressmen THINK would happen when you no longer govern nor pass laws to help the people in our country create a better life? What did they THINK would happen when they are so partisan that they refused to pass ANYthing our President put before them? What did they THINK would happen when they wouldn't even have discussions with Obama's Supreme Court Nominee? 

Let alone listen to the constituents and allow gays to marry or women to have access to Planned Parenthood services? Or veto everything that MAY have had a chance to attract new, young voters? I mean seriously... for the past 7½ months Congress has done NOTHING. Yet they got paid mighty fine.

Hence... Hello Donald. Which of course brings me right smack back to this painting. The artwork as a standalone totally shows that the artist has talent. She's captured Trump pretty damn well although only Melania can vouch for the accuracy of the small penis that is depicted in the painting. 

I must say too... that having seen plenty of naked 69 year old men... her depiction of the rest of his body is pretty spot on. The lean, firm bodies of their youth is for the most part, gone. Pretty much like my own, now that I think of it. Trust me... aging is not for the young. But their time will come. One day they too, will look at their naked body and go: EEEKS. WTF HAPPENED TO ME?? Regardless....

I love this painting and am thrilled it's gone viral. On the other hand... I can only hope that Trump does not go to the Men's room and choose the urinal next to this rapper guy down below. Candidate or not... he will SO be jealous.


Sunday, May 1, 2016


Forget about Gloria Steinem. Gloria Estefan, too. Even Gloria Swanson or Allred. The only Gloria that matters in my book is Gloria Vanderbilt! OMG. What a woman. Seriously.

I never wore her jeans but you can be sure I adored her since my early 30s. Wealth, fame, and influence has always been my favorite go to attributes and believe you me Gloria V. has them all. Way before all the others did, too. I can not beLIEVE she is now 92. Who said money can't help extend life?

It was about 35 years ago that I first read POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL. Maybe even longer. Man did I love her tragic story. And of course her rise to fame. Gloria Vanderbilt has suffered more than any 15 people I can think of and still and all, she has come out it with such grace, such beauty and such dignity. Besides.... she is one of the wealthiest women in America and that alone perks my ears up but plenty. Yes, I'm totally jealous. Not only that... her kid is Anderson Cooper!

In the meantime Gloria was but 10 years old when her mother (also named Gloria) and her aunt, Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney went to court, both fighting for custody. Apparently Gloria Sr. was a very young run around, shall we say, when she married Reginald Vanderbilt who was way older. Boom. Shortly after the marriage Reggie died from chirrhosis  of the liver, given he was not only a playboy, huge gambler, etc. but also a major alcoholic. In Reggie's world, money grew on trees yet when he died he was totally penniless. Hence Gloria Sr. was screwed but good. Not only that... all the hordes of money that Reggie would have inherited did not pass to wife but instead to daughter... today's Gloria Vanderbilt.

I could go on and on about Gloria since I've read everything there is connected to her and in fact, I even saw her in person when she was on a book tour with her first book. Basically it all boils down to Gloria having had to withstand a horrible custody battle (her mother lost custody) a crap ass mother, several marriages, a beloved husband's death and then a tragic suicide of Anderson's brother, which Gloria actually witnessed. What impresses me the most btw, is that Gloria basically withstood this all without drugs and/or alcohol.

Instead she turned to writing, designing, painting and earning zillions of bucks on her own. But don't imagine Gloria came out of all this unscathed, however. She was in fact deeply affected by many things... thus she is terribly shy, even childlike at times. On the other hand... her many many paintings are BEAUTIFUL, showing her true talent yet even in those, you can often see some sort of muted, distanced figures in them. She married some mighty impressive men too, btw. In any case, she lives quite glamorously which naturally, is so up my alley. 

All I know is that Gloria is one hell of a woman... I would kill to become her friend. Which I guess would easily happen were I to ever befriend Anderson first. If only, right?? Okay... so that won't happen, damnit but still... Gloria is just so remarkable that she clearly lives on my list of alltime favorites along side Jackie O., Princess Diana and Tina. She may even have to move up to No. 1 now that I think of it since a.) she is oldest and b.) she has had to overcome odds even bigger than the others, which is no easy feat, trust me. 

NEWS FLASH: you SO have to watch Gloria's 2 hour special with Anderson btw... NOTHING LEFT UNSAID. So f'ing amazing. As we speak, I am reading Little Gloria and you can only imagine how much I'm loving each and every word in this book. Am also reading TransAtlantic btw, which is no comparison if you ask me. I am not enjoying Trans all that much but I'm stubborn... so will continue to finish it; but I won't like it. Anyway...

I do have to say that I find it astounding that given all of Gloria's money... PLENTY of it, I might add... she is not giving any of it to Anderson when she kicks the bucket. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?? Granted, Anderson says he's totally fine with it since first he doesn't need a dime of it and second he feels that inheriting money definitely keeps one from developing a strong sense of working ethics.

I of course would slit my wrists were my parents to have had hundreds of millions of dollars and not left me a thing, but hey. That's just me. I LOVE inheriting easy money although Anderson does have a point. I AM the laziest person you'd ever want to meet but then again... were I on CNN's payroll and I had a show all my own, I'd be thrilled to bypass an inheritance in exchange for a huge television paycheck. Well, maybe. 

In the meantime, my recommendation for the day is to clearly learn more about the Vanderbilt family. Beginning with Gloria's Great Great Gramps... Cornelius "Commodore" Vanderbilt. Not only are the men in this lineage unbelievably amazing but whoa... the women are equally so! I have biographies on all the big players in this family, men and women, and I totally treasure them. I also adore Biltmore House btw, which is about a half hour away and I'm so telling you... this is SOME summer home that George Vanderbilt built, alright. You can't even imagine the opulence. 

I so would use this shot to claim as my own home. COMING TO TOWN? GREAT. COME VISIT ME! I'LL LEAVE THE LIGHT ON.