Thursday, January 31, 2013

FIRST TIME


There's a first time for everything and let me just tell you... today was one of my all time favorites! I can't believe it... after all these years, Amber and I FINALLY got to meet face to face! It was fantastic, if you ask me.

Amber and I have known each other for at least 10 years. We have spoken on the phone many times and she has been THE most incredible help ever. WHY do we speak on the phone you may ask? Easy... Amber is my Blue Cross Blue Shield agent!

When I left South Florida in 2002, I came here and naturally one of the very first things I had to do was find new health insurance. Enter: Amber. One slight glitch however... her company immediately bought out the local agent I was using and Amber became my new one. But get this... Amber lives in a totally different city altogether... as in: Hickory NC. Thus, were I heavy into buying furniture several times a year, I could have seen her WAY before today. However, given I didn't need all fancy new furniture... we basically did all our business via phone. For years and years. Seriously... I could have been dealing with some far out and freaky punk rock chic for all I knew.

But such is not the case at all. Amber is a dream to work with and I never once had any problems in dealing with my insurance coverage since a.) we always signed me up for top of the line coverage and b.) Amber was Johnny on the Spot in walking me through any issue I ever had. SHE DESERVES A MAJOR RAISE, BTW. Because trust me, I had zillions of questions in the past 10 years.

TODAY'S questions however were all about getting me signed up for Medicare. Which worked out perfectly, since Amber had an appointment with yet another client in my city thus BOOM. WE FINALLY GOT TO MEET. And, go over everything about Medicare. Kinda like I did with Kenny a couple weeks ago, but he's now history. Amber is the one who's stolen my heart from the beginning. So bingo... I'm sticking with her as my agent. Hickory or not.

All I know is that if I was in love before I met Amber you can't imagine how crazy I am about her NOW. Talk about patient. Talk about knowledgeable. Talk about adorable. Talk about experienced. Man... who could ask for more. Anyway, we were so thrilled about our first time of actually SEEING each other that we had to document the event by taking a picture of us. Which as you can see, is there, up above.

We talked plenty of Medicare but we also yapped about other things as well. I felt like I was hanging out with a great girlfriend, who btw, happens to have an adorable soon to be 10 year old daughter. I can't WAIT to meet her... my favorite age for little girls. Could I ever show her a fantastic day of girlie delights! True... there's a 30+ year age difference between Amber and I but who cares. She still the best.

So all I know is I'm now signed up for excellent Medicare coverage AND I've got the the world's best insurance agent. Which reminds me... 

I find it soooo freakin' crazy that the two things Seniors need most is cost benefits for 1.) hearing and 2.) seeing. NEITHER OF WHICH MEDICARE COVERS. Are you kidding me??? How can that possibly BE? That's like a builder constructing fabulous homes, pricey or not, but ooops... just never includes the cost of a ROOF! For THAT you're sorta on your own. Way crazy ass in my book. But whatever. 

Bottom line: today was a great day in the hooking up department plus YIPPEE. I'm all good to go for Medicare. Given of course I don't kick the bucket anytime before 5/1.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

DEEP THROAT


I had the craziest morning yesterday. Well actually, it started OUT okay but then it got nuts. And that's just how I feel right now... like cracked nut shells are lining my entire throat. Don't ask.

I got all ready to go meet friends for lunch so was all spiffed up and ready for fun. Just before I left, as always, I took my daily vitamins and meds. About 7 in all I guess. And... rather than take 14 gulps of water let's say... I instead put them all into my right hand, and throw them into my mouth all at once. Then I take my drink and bingo. Down the hatch. They're all swallowed. 

Except yesterday. YESTERDAY for whatever reason, only 6 of my pills wanted to go down. The 7th?? Oh man... I had one hell of a war with it. Seems as if THAT pill only wanted to go down 3/4 of the way and then simply wanted to STAY THERE. I couldn't get it to move at all. Immediately, I started coughing for I felt the pill WAY down my throat and it was causing uncontrolled gagging and coughing and God knows what else. Women may understand this better than men, btw. Just saying.

The next thing I know I was coughing for 25 minutes STRAIGHT. I couldn't help it. My throat was automatically trying to clear itself of this tiny baby obstruction thus my eyes began watering all over the place PLUS my nose began bleeding. ALOT. I'm telling you... I felt like I was being exorcised or something. THIS WAS TOTALLY CRAZY.

All I can say is... that for all this time my body was completely taking over, trying like hell to dislodge this pill. But, it couldn't. Nor could I even compose myself to figure out what the hell to do. You can only iMAGine the palpitations going on, btw. Not to mention the roughness that was being created up and down my throat. Anyway, about a 150K coughs later, I decided, too bad. I was going to be late for lunch and had to high tail it out of here although I must admit... I couldn't even imagine HOW I was going to be able to eat.

But you can be sure... I WAS going to give it the good ole college try. By the time I got in the car, the outta control coughing subsided some but you should have seen me when I walked in the restaurant. I was holding onto tables as I walked by and basically looked like death warmed over, even if, dressed to the nines. I sat down at the table... took a few sips of a drink... coughed again and THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENED.

I gagged mildly and next thing I know... a half dissolved baby pill popped right smack out of my mouth and onto my napkin! Thank GOD is all I can say. My throat was FINALLY cleared. Raw as shit, but certainly cleared. For the first time in my life, I now know what a REAL scratchy throat feels like! 12 hours later and I was STILL raw only then it was more on the roof of my mouth.

I am happy to say I naturally went on to eat a simply delicious lunch which goes to show that I can basically overcome almost any odds when need be. And... I had been needing lunch, alright. I WAS STARVED. I felt like the postman who delivers mail whether rain, snow, sleet or whatever. Except with ME... I can down any meal anytime during any crisis. Call it a talent if you wish. I myself call it a blessing.

Monday, January 28, 2013

CITY ADVENTURE


Yeah... I know. You'd THINK I'd be talking about heading out to some big ass city or something, but instead I'm talking about this Hidden Objects computer game to which I'm addicted. Seriously... if left on my own, I could spend hours playing this series of games. It could almost border on pathetic if you ask me.

Which at the moment, I am. In fact, I'm ready to shoot myself. THEY'VE GOT ME OVER A BARREL, BUT GOOD. I've paid and downloaded maybe a dozen of these games and have loved every one of them. Except this San Francisco one. THIS game?? With this game I'M READY TO SUE THE DEVELOPERS, ALTOGETHER. I can't believe they have so totally screwed me over.

Case in point: I'm on level 31 of 60. You have to search out all these hidden objects, which by the way, get sneakier and sneakier in hiding the objects. They should be sued for that alone. Then...once you finish a round, you're not allowed to advance to the next round until you pass a little puzzle of some sort. There are maybe five different puzzles and in each round the puzzles become trickier and trickier.

THE ONE PUZZLE I'M ON NOW?? Oh man... all I can tell you is: THERE IS NO SOLUTION WHATSOEVER. I should know... I've attempted, with no success at ALL, to complete the puzzle ten times already! WTF are these people THINKING????

Well for one... if they think you're going to have fun playing they have SO got that wrong. Rather... having fun at this level, merely constitutes your just wanting to shoot your brains out. Plain and simple.

The task at hand here is simple: You're supposed to click on any two or more objects next to each other so they will fall and allow other objects to come down. Eventually you clear the entire puzzle and boom. You're on your way to the next level. EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT. For some reason, they've programmed this particular puzzle on the 31st level so that YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO CLEAR IT NO MATTER WHAT. Seriously. It's like impossible!!

As if that's not enough, there is no way whatsoever to bypass the puzzle and it's driving me absolutely CRAZY. To add fire to the flames... they also designed the puzzle so that you have to factor in lots of blank spaces where NOTHING can fall down. Geez.. this is SO not fun. This crapola game that I adore for vegging out and having meaningless down time??? Boom. It's now rendered me a total idiot and PLENTY frustrated. Let alone stuck at a dead end. 

I totally don't know what to do any longer. The game has come to a sudden halt and I have no Plan B. Plus... lets say that one day I DO happen to have incredible luck and in fact solve this puzzle... can you imagine what the NEXT level will be like??? Man... don't even get me started.

What games I'll now play for vegging out, I have no clue. Apparently it'll have to be either Free Cell (my alltime favorite) or Scrabble or Spite and Malice or my ole trusty standby... Hearts. At least THOSE won't make me want to slit my wrists. Maybe.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I'M LOST


I can't even believe this has happened. To most I am sure this is nothing, but to me... all I know is that I am so lost it's unbelievable. Others will probably think I'm totally off my rocker, but regardless.... to me... I am just so sad, it's ridiculous.  

I don't want to get into a whole big story here, but basically it began with my being out with friends for a fantastic seafood buffet dinner at the country club last night. Then, as soon as I finished half of my chocolate pie (naturally I got my priorities in order) I decided: Boom. Five hours straight of having constant heart palpitations was enough. IT WAS NOW TIME TO HEAD TO THE ER. 

And of course to make sure I wasn't kicking the bucket altogether. The crazy ass heart beating had been coming and going for the past four days, but last night, they just never let up... for hours no less. Hence... time to take action.

As it turns out, it was no big deal. According to the doctor, maybe some dehydration, maybe some lack of magnesium, maybe this, maybe that, but the bottom line was yes, the EKG showed some rapid heart beating, but the other tests showed nothing major for me to be concerned about. I should just have my cardiologist double check it sometime later this week. Okay... whatever.

In the meantime, while last night my heart felt like it was out of control you should only SEE what's going on now. Apparently, when I disrobed in the examining room, I removed everything from the waist up, including my beloved L necklace surrounded by this fabulous cut out heart. I wear it every day of my life and am lost without it.

Well guess what. I guess I'll now be lost forever and ever given... OMG... when I got dressed today to head out to the movies, I went to put on my necklace and discovered one slight glitch. IT WASN'T HERE. IT'S GONE. FOREVER. NEVER AGAIN TO BE WORN. By me, anyway. By the people who found it, maybe. But by me?? Never again.

Apparently, when I was discharged, I put everything back on EXCEPT the necklace that must have been way at the bottom of a plastic bag. Ergo: I've lost it and am so crushed I can't even tell you. The 36" chain was given to me by mother many many years ago. The 3" L was hand made specially for me by someone I know. And the surrounding heart was a fantastic find I got several years ago. All I know is that in addition to the sentiment the necklace had for me, the value of the gold alone was nothing to smirk about.

Anyway, remember when the psychic told me my Mother wanted me to wear the three initialed pendant she gave me? Well, wanna guess what's around my neck as we speak?? Don't ask. Apparently Mom KNEW that I could be headed for trouble with the L. Oh man... this is just so crazy. It was definitely a signature piece for me; one that I loved wearing each and every day. 

So what can I say? I know it's just a piece of jewelry and it's not the worst thing that can happen to me and it can easily be replaced (which I definitely will) but for now... I just can't believe I've lost it. Which BTW just goes to show... oh, I'm losing it alright. More and more, with each day that passes.

Friday, January 25, 2013

I'M INTO ORAL


Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get all exicted. It's not what you're thinking. 

Instead: 1.) I love Oral B products and 2.) I love to be stimulated. And right now, I am way into having my teeth stimulated with this fabulous new Oral B toothbrush that I bought last week. IT'S SOOO GREAT. Plus it does all the work FOR me which as you know is ALWAYS up my alley.

I happened to be in the drugstore the other day and saw this toothbrush. I don't know how long it's been on the market but I do know I've never seen it before. Thus, I read the front and back, checked out the brush itself and decided boom. Man... this is for me, alright. I couldn't wait til that evening so I could actually get to try out the deal. Which I might add was mighty successful.

Per usual, I brushed my teeth before my evening shower. Obviously, I brushed them with this new pulsating toothbrush and I am so telling you... GO OUT AND BUY ONE IMMEDIATELY! You will love it. God knows I do.

Turns out there are two baby buttons on the front and you merely have to press the top one and bingo. THE BRUSH BEGINS PULSATING which in turn not only cleans your teeth in all sorts of crevices but also stimulates your gums too if you want. I loved it so much that I swear... I doubled my brushing time just so I could keep on enjoying the feeling of getting my teeth REALLY clean. I know... takes way too little to amuse me but what else is new.

Anyway... when you finally stop brushing, you push the bottom button, rinse off the brush and then boom rinse out your mouth. I mean it... this brush is inGENious if you ask me. Plus it doesn't take up space on your counter top like the sonic setups do. Everything about this invention just knocks my socks off. I can't wait to send this to my kid. Hell... I may even wind up using this as hostess gifts the next time I have a dinner party. It's just that amazing.

The next time I go to the dentist to get my teeth PROFESSIONALLY cleaned I may just have to tell the hygienist their freebies of the regular Oral B's aren't going to cut the mustard anymore. I WANT THE NEW PULSATING MODEL ONLY. Besides, between this new toothbrush and the new whitening strips I see lately, I may be able to forget about the professional cleanings altogether.

Unless of course Medicare will now pay for them. Oh man. If so...  then for sure I'll be showing off my pearly whites but plenty.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

GULP... IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING


Well Lordy Lordy... I'm far from forty. So far in fact, that get this... I GOT MY MEDICARE CARD IN THE MAIL LAST WEEK. WHOA.  HOLY BA-HOLY BATMAN.

I just can't believe it. OMG... 65 here I come. Can you even iMAGine?? I just wished my parents were here to see this. My Mom would be amazed. My Dad would tell me it's not even possible.

But sure enough... my birthday is approaching in a few months and the card is here. There's the proof up above in the pict. No sooner did I receive it than I decided I better high tail it to my insurance agent and actually LEARN all about Medicare coverage. Which is where hillbilly Kenny comes in. Oh man... he knows his stuff alright but seriously... way too much of a twang going on there, for my taste. Regardless... I THINK I got the info correct. I do know I decided to go with the Enhanced Plan F but I have to go back to my notes and see if that IS my drug plan or if I actually have to choose that, as well.

Yeah. Yeah. I know this is supposed to be easy, but I definitely have to visit Kenny once again to solidify all the details. The good news is that my monthly medical insurance cost of $1700?? Boom. Will go WAY down, thank God. Which of course will counter act my measly peanuts of a Social Security check. But whatever. I am just so thrilled to be able to finally be eligible for Medicare, I can't even tell you. Which btw, I totally hope Congress doesn't F up now that I'll soon be a recipient.

Earlier today, I was telling my kid all about the card arriving and he made me laugh right out loud claiming I should so send the card back given my new look has rendered me, according to him, a mere 50 rather than 65. Does this kid have great eyeballs or what? 

On the other hand, I do have to say, I feel pretty damn good for an old fogey. I have thus far been pretty much blessed with no MAJOR medical problems with which to contend. Well, as long as my eyesight holds out, that is. Or as long as I don't have a heart attack somewhere down the road or if I don't God forbid ever have a stroke. Which I decided is all kinda unlikely given what the psychic told me. What?? You mean she doesn't REALLY know what my future health will be?? Say it ain't so.

When I think of my Grandmother at 65 btw, I am stunned that I even look like I do. She looked OLD at that age. While indeed I look oldER, I sorta gotta say I don't really think I look all that ancient. I'm not saying there aren't days when I get out of bed, I don't FEEL ancient, but all in all... I think I'm in pretty good stead. I do have to say however, I've already warned my kid that I think I'm past the babysitting stage for whenever he gets married and finally has a baby.

Which is good news for me. Afterall... I hired babysitters for him so boom. I think I'll do so for his kid as well. Why should I be stuck at home while he's out having a fantastic time somewhere?? Besides, my favorite age for hanging solo with kids is probably about 8 and up. At least then we can do almost anything I already like. As in: dining out, watching movies, hit the stores, and maybe even traveling. Now that's MY kinda babysitting no matter what my age.

Still and all... me at 65? Just so damn mind blowing if you ask me. Goodbye bustiers. And fishnet stockings. And lycra body suits, too. As if that could have ever looked acceptable on me even in my 40s, right??  

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I FLEW FOR THE FLU


Oh man... remember that idiot guy on the airplane who was sitting next to me and coughing up a storm?? Well... I have two words for him: F YOU. I swear to God... whether or not it was him who made me so damn sick, I'll never know. What I DO know however, is that I've been pretty friggin' sick for the past six days. Don't even ask.

It all began last Friday. I spent the first four days taking double doses of antibiotics given my major bronchial congestion, with last night being my last normal dosage. I've also been doing an inhaler every two hours even though it says to do it four times a day; and I've also been doing some sort of a steroidal nose deal. Factor in the Extra Strength Tylenol and the 17 billion cups of hot tea and boom. I am now pretty much on the other side of all this. Maybe.

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor. I decided it was time to collaborate on my personal diagnosis and subsequent plan for treatment. Up to this point, I had followed the Linda School of Medicine doctrine and sure enough... I was pretty much on target. Believe me... NO one knows my body like I do. Let's say I'm feeling perfect as 8:09. If at 8:10 I feel even so much as an iota of difference I know IMMEDIATELY wtf is going on and where it will lead. I WASTE NO TIME WHATSOEVER.

So now that I had a pretty good jump start on loading myself up with the meds, I figured the time had come to let the REAL doctor put in her two cents as well. Turns out my faux medical degree had it all down pat from the get go. The worst of the congestion and bronchial infection is kinda over although the doctor did tell me it could be another couple of weeks until I am in tip top shape once again. I can live I guess with just the cough and sneezing.

Plus, I told her to beam me up some new scripts to make up for the meds I just used. Bingo. Done. Oh yeah... I also told her to add in one refill just so I'll have plenty when the next bout or two comes along. I mean seriously... why anyone would waste time going to a medical office for just ONE prescription is nuts if you ask me. Like how hard is it to have them add a 1 on the refill line?? At least that way, if you can't get to the office for a couple of days, you're not suffering more than need be. So basically, I can do the refill any time within the next year. 

Anyway, I'm here and I'm alive. Hard as it is to believe. Oh yeah... to help make my stay indoors a little better, I called Direct TV today and told them I need the updated $400 DVR for free please, so I can now record five shows at a time with WAY more storage capacity than before. And, to please throw in the client box which then allows me to view whatever I've recorded in the bedroom, in the family room as well. BOOM. THEY SAID OKAY.

I knew they would. I began the conversation with: HI... YOU HAVE MY FILES IN FRONT OF YOU, RIGHT? GOOD. THEN PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF HOW LONG I'VE BEEN A CUSTOMER. (from the beginning) AND, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY PAYMENT HISTORY. (pristine) THEN... GIVEN ALL THAT... PLEASE ANTE UP THE NEW DVR GENIE FOR FREE, PLEASE. THANKS! Check. Done. 

So yippee. I'm sort of back to the Land of the Living and I'm getting a new DVR set up tomorrow. Which is good given they expect some slight snowfall tomorrow and plenty of sleet. And the high on Monday is only going to be 35 degrees. Which means three things:

1.) THANK GOD I had my flu shot since I swear... it cut my WishedIWereDead time in half. 2.) Thank God I was sick this past week rather than the upcoming week so I won't be contending with weather issues. And 3.) Thank God Direct TV is so cooperative with me so that I can now fall asleep in either of my two favorite rooms.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE


See this picture??? It shows EXACTLY why I'm never driving on the South Florida expressway systems ever again! Let alone any other, for that matter.

The blue line is road upon which we were traveling. The others?? All I can say is: I was totally FREAKED when I saw these hordes of red intersecting overpass lines on Laura's GPS as we were driving last weekend! The same sort of red lines I saw on my kid's GPS as well, I might add. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SOMEONE CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE ALL THIS OUT?? People can really DRIVE on all these crisscrossing highways?? I would totally be having a heart attack were I behind the wheel... GPS or no. Which of course is why I had to quick, snap a photo of all this to begin with.

I can't even believe that I once knew how to do all this. Of course THEN I could actually SEE the overhead signs but that's another story altogether. For now, all I know is: THIS IS NUTS. Absolutely crazy. And scary as shit, if you ask me. NO WONDER I'm now at the age where I need to ask Generation X to please be my chauffeur. Who btw, is next on my list of: PEOPLE I NEED TO HIRE. 

Plus... if you think deciphering what the hell lane you're supposed to be in... go ahead and factor in the fact everyone is driving at like 75 mph! Then for SURE I'm too old for all this crap. In fact, when my son was driving me to the Ft. Lauderdale airport, there was a huge stretch where all I saw before me was the road and nothing but CONCRETE CONSTRUCTION going on all around the sides of the road. Really. You saw nothing BUT concrete. In fact, I even had to say to him: DOES THE BUILDING HERE NEVER STOP?? I'm so serious. I told him it was DEFINITELY a concrete jungle!! Of nothing BUT ongoing, new construction of RAMPS AND ROADWAYS!! And... to imagine driving these roads during a thunderstorm???? OMG. SHOOT ME NOW. 

Suffice it to say.... a perfect reason if you ask me, to remain forever young. For oldie goldie ME however, thanks but no thanks. I will never drive on freeways, expressways, parkways, whateverthehellways ever again.

Granted... I can handle regular STREETS just fine. Unfortunately, I can't actually SEE the name of the streets until I'm way flush right up next to them, but that's where sheer memory kicks in. And why I love living in my sweet little comfy, slow moving, quiet kind of town. I already KNOW the streets by heart which of course is a big plus. And, if I'm feeling MAYbe just a bit adventurous, I MAY get on the interstate but for no more than perhaps ten minutes at most. After that, I'm a basket case.

Regardless... I am absolutely stunned that the area in which I drove for 50 years is now rendered literally impossible to navigate. Well... unless you take an Ativan first and have a GPS in perfect view and more importantly, have THE LADY ON THE GPS TALK TO YOU SPECIFICALLY as to where and how to proceed. Plus, she needs to give you PLENTY of a heads' up way before you're supposed to switch lanes, turn, etc. Without all that help... you're basically doomed.

Which means... I'm thinking I have what? About five more years before I begin taking applications for that chauffeur I mentioned before? Although I DID tell my eye doctor: I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO LIE TO BE SURE YOU NEVER RECOMMEND TAKING AWAY MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

I figure that's a job only the DMV can threaten to do. And probably will one day, too. Damnit.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

TOALLY PSYCHED


So while there are a bunch of reasons why I was so psyched about my recent trip to Florida, I almost have to say that one of the alltime best parts of the trip was... get this... THE PSYCHIC! I swear... she was outstanding. DEFinitely up my alley.

It went down like this: my niece called me a couple weeks ago, telling me about a woman she had just hired for the company at which she works. Enter: Randy. And then... not long after being hired, Randy says to my niece... OH YEAH. I KNOW YOU'LL THINK THIS IS KINDA CRAZY BUT I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M PRETTY PSYCHIC AND BTW... YOUR DAD IS DOING JUST FINE.

Whoa. Hold on Nellie. HOW'D SHE KNOW MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY??? It was startling, to say the least, but indeed, great as well. Randy then went on to tell my niece more stuff and it wasn't long before Laura was on the phone telling me... OMG LINDA. YOU WILL SO LOVE THIS LADY. YOU HAVE GOT TO HOOK UP WITH HER!

Which naturally I did.

SIMPLY FANTASTIC is all I can say. I loved everything she told me... well, except the part about my remarrying... but aside from that, bingo. I had the best hour and a half you can imagine. I can't WAIT til Claudia gets a load of her.

Anyway, Randy filled me in on a whole bunch of things, including the fact that my Dad is always beside me, protecting me and basically telling me: DON'T WORRY. EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS BE FINE. YOU WILL BE OKAY. Like how great is that!! I am telling you... I could have spent hours and hours with Randy since trust me... I love knowing about everything way before it even happens.

In the meantime, I completely got everything Randy shared with me and was indeed comforted to know that life will pretty much be fine for me. YIPPEEE. No major diseases, will live til about 86 let's say and my kid will be excellent. On the other hand, what totally freaked me out was the fact I'm going to remarry. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? THAT SO CAN'T BE!! I have no interest whatsoever in cohabitating, let alone marrying!! And, I told Randy that. Turns out however, I better be on the lookout for a new dress, for apparently, I just may wind up being a bride, like it or not. WHOA. This is so not what I had planned on.

I didn't have time to delve into this further but you can bet your bottom dollar I WILL. I can't even IMAGine who the man could possibly be, but if he thinks marriage is in the cards, then he better be THE most astounding man on the planet. I should only be so lucky, right?? Believe you me... I'm not marrying just ANYbody.  On the other hand, if he treats me simply angelic, borders on immensely wealthy, looks like an Adonis and treasures the air I breathe... then bingo. I'll begin wedding plans in a heartbeat.  

Oh yeah... another thing Randy told me was that my Mother apparently wants me to wear my beautiful brushed gold pendant, made of my initials which she gave me for my 18th birthday. Or maybe for my high school graduation, now that I think of it. Anyway, I'm thrilled to wear it, and DID everyday for years BUT I now have a huge dilemma given I so LOVE the gold L that I wear every day. Which only means I think I better go over this whole bit once again the next time I speak to Randy since just today I tried wearing the pendant and the look definitely falls short of the L. But whatever.

In the meantime, I feel like Nancy Reagan now. I don't think I'll ever again be able to make a major decision without first checking in with Randy. Who, btw, I only WISHED looked like the lady in the snapshot. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

OMENS


I wonder just how many omens one must need before they say to themselves: TIME OUT... MAYBE THIS IS A SIGN. And, not a particularly good one, at that. Case in point:

I was recently on an airplane. Something I'm not crazy about to begin with, but I do it nonetheless. And then of course, kiss the ground when I once again land, safe and sound. I'm not really a bad flyer, just a potentially nervous one. Which isn't surprising actually, given I'm easily unnerved about almost anything known to man.

So basically, when I have to fly, boom. I fly. And THIS flight I was taking to Florida, I was pretty thrilled about given that FINALLY, it was an absolute DIRECT non stop flight. Something that is VERY unusual from my small town airport. Normally, I have to go from here to the hub of the airlines which is in a different city altogether and then fly out of there. Consequently, I need to do two flights to get anywhere. Except south Florida that is. Which btw, only went into effect a month ago.

Thus I was pretty tickled pink about the trip. It was like the good ole days all over again. Get on a plane. Get in your seat. Boom. Get off in the city you want. On the other hand... as I said before... just how many omens must one have before they decide... uh... tell you what. You guys fly without me. I'll wait for the next flight. Thanks, but no thanks.

As it happens, I had five obvious omens presented to me before I even took off, that ALmost rendered my possibly getting off the plane from the get go. Get this...

First of all, the plane was arriving from a northern city. Bingo. It arrived a half hour late which meant by the time all of us boarded, we left the gate an hour late. That's omen number one.

No sooner had we pulled away from the gate, than the pilot came on the speaker system and made his announcement: OH YEAH, FOLKS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW OUR GPS SYSTEM IS NOT WORKING BUT NO BIG DEAL. WE CAN EASILY FLY WITHOUT IT. NO WORRIES. Whatttttttt?? Are you f-ing kidding me??? In MY mind, that's as good as the pilot saying: I'm totally drunk, haven't slept in days and I just had a HUGE fight with my wife. Just the mind set I want from my pilot, right? But okay. I went with the flow. I mean with: Omen number two.

Okay. So we're on the runway... next thing I know, there's ANOTHER announcement: OOPS. SORRY FOLKS. WE APPARENTLY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY AND HAVE TO TAXI BACK TO THE GATE. Holy sh%t. You have SO got to be kidding me. Whammo. We head back to the gate for this medical deal. My personal take is: the lady heard about the GPS problem and therefore was this far from having a heart attack. Not that I'd blame her, of course. It could have EASILY been me. But alright... so the EMT comes on board and ushers the lady off. Omen number three.

THEN they tell us: SORRY. WE NOW NEED TO UPDATE THE PASSENGER LIST SINCE IT HAS SUBSEQUENTLY CHANGED. Which means... geez. Another 30 minutes on the ground. All in all... it's now two hours after the original departure time. So yeah... you got it. Omen number four.

At which point... the guy sitting next to me... 58 years old and has two kids from two different women, neither of which he ever married and who tells me he just had four beers, GOES NUTS WITH COUGHING AND COUGHING AND COUGHING. As in: I'm now getting friggin' ZILLIONS of his germs spewing upon me and want to absolutely jump out of the damn plane already. Uh... Omen number five???

How long you think his germs were all over me before I immediately hopped out of my seat and ran up front to the flight attendants to tell them.... SORRY. I CAN'T SIT NEXT TO THIS GUY. CAN I PLEASE TAKE THE AISLE SEAT THE EMERGENCY LADY VACATED WHEN I GUESS SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK?? Bingo. I was able to move up about seven rows.

So basically, while I am normally VERY hip to omens, I can not beLIEVE that I allowed five to occur without my actually having gotten off this plane. Like how many signs do I NEED before I begin to smell something rotten in Denmark? I can only imagine the driving force in this case had to REALLY be something pretty powerful, to keep me on this flight.

And, indeed there was. As in: I was FINALLY going to be eating a real live hot pastrami sandwich in a mere couple of hours. Believe me... I wanted NOTHing to come between me and my sandwich! 

Which, as it turns out... wound up being a fabulous dinner at a fantastic Sushi restaurant, instead. A perfectly fine trade off however, given the next day I had a pastrami sandwich for both lunch AND dinner. Ahh... true culinary bliss. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

FLASH DIET

How much do I love watching videos of flash mobs! I would KILL to actually see 100 people gathering in a mall or somewhere... who all of a freakin' sudden break out in a fantastic, choreographed song and dance! Oh man... I'd go absolutely NUTS with excitement. If only there was a Google list of when/where these deals were to be held. I'd be there in... well... a flash!

In the meantime, I have my own sort of flash going on. As in: flash dieting. A term I sort of made up myself years ago, btw. I hate having to lose 30 lbs. in a mere three days, yet indeed, once again, I am on such a quest. The least one can do is give me at least a week's notice, before having to work my magic. However... no such luck this time.

Turns out I"m headed down to Florida in a couple of days for a nice, long weekend. In fact... as we speak, I'm taking a break from packing. It took me two full days to even go THROUGH my closet to pull out that which I thought I'd want to bring. Then of course, I had to go through those items I selected all over again, just to whittle down EXACTLY which outfits I'll take. Bingo. I made the final cut to about five outfits. Plus four pairs of shoes, I think. Plus the accessories. Don't even get me started on the meds, makeup, toiletries, lingerie, etc. Thank GOD I cut my hair since that takes away 3/4 of the work, right then and there.

In the meantime, ESPECIALLY given the holidays just now being over, I now need to get stick thin in a heart beat. Which is where the flash dieting comes in. As in: cottage cheese. For some reason, this is my go to miracle food that okay... might not actually take OFF the 30 lbs., but at least it helps in trying to LOOK as if I had actually made the effort. Growing up I detested eating cottage cheese. It was NEVER on my radar for suggested food intake.

That all changed however about 7 years ago, when I was still teaching part time and couldn't get through the day without stuffing at least 14 different snacks into my purse. Before I left each morning, I'd pack up cottage cheese, vanilla yogurt, an apple, peanut butter crackers and God knows what else. And, naturally, that never necessarily precluded the fact that I just may have to run on over to the cafeteria to grab an ice cream sandwich if need be. Regardless...

Come to find out, cottage cheese was the miracle drug for me. It helped to not only curb my appetite but also to actually help take off a pound or two. WHO KNEW? Thus ever since those days, I have always turned to cottage cheese and Lite Fruit Cocktail as my meal of choice whenever I needed my 30 lb. crash diet deal to kick in. Granted... the weight loss in 5 - 3 days isn't anywhere near 30 lbs, but I must say... it gives the best illusion I've ever come across yet. Can you imagine if I ever DID make this my total diet for two weeks straight?? Oh man... I'd be shopping for a whole new wardrobe two sizes smaller, in a heartbeat. If only.

So starting right this minute, my flash diet is pretty much in full swing. I'm not thrilled about it btw, but... oh... the thought of eating hot pastrami sandwiches with cherry cheese cake at every meal in Florida is definitely easing the pain. I can't WAIT for such scrumptious epicurean delights. Plus the food at the party I'm going to... the reason for this trip to begin with... is going to be EXcellent. TOTALLY up my alley.

But alas... until then, I'm heavy into Breakstone Fat Free Cottage Cheese. Damnit. Besides... whatever that doesn't help... well, maybe yoga will.