GOING SHEER

I don't know what happened, but I spent several hours last week checking out tulle skirts. You know... kinda like the Carrie Bradshaw look. Or the lead dancer in Swan Lake, let's say. To satisfy my thirst for the skirts, I not only stared at zillions of pictures on Pinterest, but I also checked out quite a few How To videos on YouTube. After watching a bunch, I immediately became so intrigued with how simple the skirts are to make! Seriously. Some are even no-sew types. Besides, I find tulle skirts so damn feminine and sexy that I could have viewed all of them for hours and hours. 

Then... the next thing you know, one thing led to another and whammo. I began to become pretty inspired by the videos to also check out mere sheer skirts, much like the one up above. Turns out that didn't take long. Goodbye tulle. Hello sheer. I guess what I loved about it was that given today's fashions, you can now so easily wear a very sheer skirt by simply wearing a pair of sexy leggings underneath, and bingo. Totally easy to wear. Better yet... the skirts don't necessarily have to be worn for mere formal attire anymore, either. Talk about win-win. 

Which by the way, reminds me. How I ever lived without YouTube I'll never know. Yes, Pinterest shows instructions, recipes, etc. but for ME? Watching is way better than reading. Meaning: thanks to YouTube, I can learn how to do almost anything I want, by watching a video... which in my lazy world... is nothing short of miraculous.

Okay. So back to the skirt. Once I determined I wanted a softer, flowier skirt than that of tulle, I hightailed it right smack over to my local fabric store and yippee. I had my two yards of black sheer fabric that almost looks like chiffon, but instead is actually polyester. It has alot of sway and flow and sews up really great. Enter: last Sunday. 

I woke up. Cut the fabric, did the side seams, sewed a straight line at the top, gathered the thread to the size of my waist, added an elastic waist band and in practically no time at all, voila. I HAD A FANTASTIC SHEER SKIRT. I totally love it! It's just what I wanted. And... just what I'll probably being wearing tomorrow night. Granted, the temps will be COLD but who cares when it comes to wearing something great. Besides... that's what my fur coat is for. Warmth.

Oh yeah. What a surprise. I dropped the corset look you see up above for the top, but it matters not. I have plenty of tops to still create a wonderful way to wear the skirt on the last night of the year. I also made mine calf length rather than down to the ankle. It kinda makes it appear more casual. Regardless, I'm pretty psyched, I have to admit.  

Speaking of which... HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! I myself love the beginning of each new year. I always have. In my mind, they are filled with great promise, lots of hope and basically, happy excitement. Which all in all... is a mighty fine recipe. I also like ending the year that's just passed, because it sort of has a "been there, done that" sort of vibe. Besides... I love looking forward to bigger and better. Which I hope all of us are able to enjoy. I hope we enjoy lots of love, lots of good health and lots of wonderful times. Yippee. I'm ready for it all!! 2015... I can't wait! 



   

THE SANTA SCAM

All day yesterday I thought about kids and Santa Claus. Specifically about kids who think Santa is real. And even MORE specifically.... about kids finding out Santa actually ISN'T a real person. I mean seriously... that can almost totally kill a tot's childhood, don't you think?

For instance... I would love to know what happens when some 6 year old is all psyched about Christmas, ready to sit on Santa's lap to list a slew of things they'd like for gifts, really getting into the holiday spirit, believing every second of the night and day that Santa is a real human being. Only to find out in school one day, when the kid sitting next to him/her in first grade let's say, opens up their mouth and suddenly boom. Ruins the innocent child for a lifetime.  

As in: WHAT?? WTF DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SANTA?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S A FAKE?? WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU SUCH LYING GARBAGE? YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FRIGGIN MIND, YOU IDIOT. 

Oh boy. This totally has got to be a parent's nightmare while calmly sitting in the carpool line, oblivious to the hell that's about to break loose as soon as their freaked out child climbs in the front seat.    

Not to mention the discussion that will go on in the lunchroom as each classmate confirms... UH... YEAH. SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU. SANTA IS A TOTAL LIE. IS NOT. IS SO. IS NOT. Good luck to THAT teacher is all I can say.

Somehow I find it easier for kiddies to swallow the fact the Easter Bunny is fake. Even that the Tooth Fairy is a scam. But their beloved Santa?? Man. That just seems to be to be a major bust out for children if you ask me. Who, come to find out... are usually about the age of 8 before they all pretty much have learned the truth. Uh... way too old in my opinion, but whatever. 

On the other hand, maybe it's not such a horrific rude awakening afterall. I myself don't remember how old I was when I found out Santa wasn't real. Nor who even informed me. Nor any earth shattering after effects from my learning the truth. Nor do I even remember any OTHER kid becoming devastated over the revelation. I do know however....

I ABSOLUTELY don't want to be the person to blow Santa's cover to some kid other than my own. Holy shit. Can you imagine the phone call I'd get from the parent? HOW DARE YOU TELL MY KID SANTA ISN'T REAL?? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY? IN OUR HOME... SANTA IS COMPLETELY REAL, YOU CREEPY FREAK. YOU GOT THAT??

Because uh... I so could turn out to be the spoiler alert. Which begs the question...


When DO you tell the kid? Well... if it's a kid who's going to be around ME... here's a heads up Mom and Dad. Tell them by the age of five, please. Any time after that, you're uh... taking a major risk in my breaking your child's heart. How the hell would I know if your kid hasn't yet faced the music, anyway?? Besides... I have a warning to all you parents who force your children to sit on Santa's lap while they're screaming from fright. DON'T! DON'T SIT THEM UPON HIM. DO YOU NOT HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHY YOUR KID IS SOBBING WITH HORROR?? ARE YOU NOT SEEING THAT THEY'RE SCARED TO DEATH FROM THIS OVERSIZED STRANGER?? I hate sooo those parents.

What I do think is sweet however, is when there are younger siblings and the older ones inherently just know: NEVER tell the little ones they are holding on to false hope. It's like it's a universal truth: don't tell your baby brother or sister the real facts about Santa. And basically, they never do. Well... until some little spat occurs in the toy box and boom. To hit the little brat hard, they just HAVE to blurt out: 

OH YEAH. AND BTW... NOT ONLY IS ELVIS DEAD BUT ALSO: THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS. So there. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it! 

Oops. So much for losing your innocence. Ho Ho Ho.

BREAKING POINT

Talk about feeling frazzled. At the moment, I'm kinda trying to figure out at what point I should determine whether or not I'm being harassed. Even better...at what point I should report this deal since it is for sure becoming pretty abusive. 

On the other hand, I don't want to wind up on my local TV news reports where you sometimes see people who are being scammed and are at their wits' end. Unless of course, I can become famous kinda like my video with the plastic surgeon. So exactly what is it that is bringing me to my breaking point? Here's the deal...

There are three phone numbers that show up on my Caller ID again and again... none of which are familiar to me. In fact one of them claims to be from ATT. Naturally I know better because I figured if it were legitimate, it would be AT&T. Big difference. 

Regardless, I'm totally about to slit my wrists because get this. THEY CALL 47 TIMES A DAY. EVERY DAY. ALL HOURS. I MEAN IT. SERIOUSLY. THEY CALL OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Naturally I never pick up the receiver but MAN are these people ever persistent. Not to mention a major pain in the ass. Plus... this has been going on for over a month now! And... they NEVER leave a message. 

To help me figure out this problem, several weeks ago I Googled the phone numbers and bingo. Sure enough there are all SORTS of complaints going on out there. It's CRAZY. And THEN.... guess what happened earlier today?? I get a phone call. I look at the Caller ID and guess who it is?? IT'S ME. CALLING ME!! Whaaaatt?? They now have my identification PLUS my phone number? These freaks now have me calling myself!! WTF IS GOING ON HERE?? 

Naturally I Googled this scam too and sure enough it's happening all over the place. Supposedly they are after my credit card information and believe you me... I'm this far from being so damn disgusted with all these phone calls that I'm almost ready to say: HERE. TAKE ALL THE FUCKING INFO YOU WANT. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE. JUST PLEASSSSSE STOP CALLING ME ALREADY!!! Trust me... if I thought this would work, I would so consider it.


I will say this however... apparently the harassers believe in Christmas because get this... today, Christmas Eve... I've gotten no calls whatsoever!! First time in over a month! I can't TELL you what a relief it's been!! Totally feels like Peace on Earth, afterall! If on the other hand, these idiots return to calling me 47 times daily, I'll so be ready for the funny farm. To which I can only say: it so won't be funny in anyway whatsoever. Best part of their taking a break? I won't be awakened at 8:00 in the morning! 

NO one who knows and loves me would ever call at such an un-Godly hour. Indeed... my beauty rest is precious. 

YIPPEE. ALMOST XMAS!

Yay! It's almost time to celebrate Christmas and as a special gift to my readers... I am including a little holiday message. I did it once before several years ago, so I figured it's time to do so again. Besides... since I've done the last one, I've accumulated way more readers so boom. You now get to see what I look like as well as hear what I sound like. I hope everyone enjoys their families, friends, and festivities. Most of all... thank you for being a part of Living As Linda! 

I know... kinda cool, right??

THE BIGGEST LOSER

See this guy? I have no clue whatsoever who the hell he is. And I assume neither do you. But man, did he ever make me laugh when he was a little kid. 

Well, wait. Not little in the least. Why? Because when I first found his picture, which was all over the Internet years ago, it was so absolutely hilarious that I completely burst out laughing my ass off but good. In fact, now that I think about it... maybe it was even on my own kid's Facebook page that I first saw it. All I know is that it struck me just so damn funny, I could hardly contain myself.

In the meantime, up above there the photo I'm showing you, is a shot of the same kid but now, all grown up. But when he first claimed his fame, he was a mere lad of what? 8 years old maybe?? And trust me... he was no lean, mean fighting machine either. In fact, he was maybe THE chubbiest kid you ever saw in your entire life. Then... as if that wasn't enough, legend has it that someone maybe... or maybe not... Photo Shopped something onto his Tshirt and bingo. The rest is history. Wanna see what this guy looked like as a little boy?? Sitting down?? OMG. It's hilarious.

 Can you BELIEVE this picture? I mean seriously... you don't know whether to laugh or cry for this kid. Whose name, btw, I can't seem to find anywhere. In the meantime, man. What a childhood this poor kid must have had. Forget the Tshirt bit. He's totally the fattest kid I've ever seen. In person or otherwise. 

Can you imagine what it must have been like for him on the school bus? Let alone at school? Packing his lunch must have been no easy feat, either. I mean seriously... it's one thing to be chubby. It's totally another thing altogether to look like THIS. And... children can be soooo damn mean thus what this guy's psyche must be like today, God only knows.

I remember being in Elementary School... and there was also a pretty chubby guy there as well. Not THIS size mind you, but still. He was definitely the chubbiest guy I remember way back when. He was pretty nice I must admit but again.... you have to sort of feel sorry for someone that young being that much overweight. Life for children like that totally can't be easy.

On the other hand... the smiling face of this particular kid just knocks my socks off. Let alone the message on his shirt. I mean seriously... is his face glowing or what?? Which just goes to show, as I've always said: I amuse easily. Apparently very easily. I guess the bottom line to all this is: I am thrilled for the grown up version of this totally overweight little boy; for while the man now is certainly no Adonis by any stretch of the imagination, he is certainly not a freakishly obese adult as when he was young. Talk about thank God for small favors, right? And by the way...

This reminds of me my theory that yes, while I am perfectly chubby myself, I figured that by the time I kick the bucket, and am old and finally thin, myself... I'll probably have JUST the figure I've always wanted when eventually laid in the casket. Which leads to my OTHER theory whereby.... to hell with dieting and trying to look like a string bean at my age. I'm perfectly happy having 15 extra pounds because it basically says to me: YIPPEE. I'M STILL ALIVE AND STILL HAPPY AND STILL HEALTHY. Hence: A few extra pounds = alive and smiling! Who could ask for more?

P.S. Oh yeah... for all those who keep asking: yes, my "pixie" style wig arrived the other day and it's GOING RIGHT SMACK BACK to the store. It looks horrible on me! Plus... I look 40 years older wearing it. It's a no brainer: easy come, easy go.

CURLY GIRLIE

I have always loved curly hair. Lots of it, too. Which is too bad... since I was born with FINE, STRAIGHT, PRETTY CRAPPY hair. And not much of it, either. Damnit. Therefore while I pretty much hated the home perms I remember my Mother giving my sister and I when we were little, I grew to love spending zillions of bucks as an adult for salon perms which in turn gave me a sort of crazy ass Gloria Estefan look in the 90s. I totally embraced it. And, I wore it like that for years. Here... THIS outta give you the idea.

Then a few years later... I cut my hair so boom. I was back to short, straight hair. And eventually back to my classic, parted down the middle, chignon which I'd worn on and off for 30 years. Which kinda looked like this at all different ages:

And THEN, not only did I finally go blond but I also tried my beloved curly hair look once again. It was iffy at best. No wonder. By my 60s my hair was very noticeably thinning, graying, etc. so my options for curly hair was totally limited. VERY disappointing. Besides... I was getting WAY too tired of all the products, primping, blow drying, etc. that was necessary to make myself look half way decent. Here... you can see why it was not such a hotsi totsi look at all. Plus... because of my thinning hair, I also had to keep cutting it shorter.

Until... I have the tresses that I wear today. As in: Little Boy Haircut.

Which I totally love, I might add. And apparently so do strangers. I have people come up to me allll the time telling me they love the look. Although in truth... I bet they just say that more for the fact that not just anyone would have the balls to go this short unless they really had to. Me? I guess have the nerve any 12 people put together but whatever. ON THE OTHER HAND....

You sitting down?? Want to see what my hair looks like NOW??? OMG. You so won't believe it. It's basically what I've wanted my entire life! Gulp. Take a gander:

Totally cool, right?? So here's the deal. I saw this wig on TV... fell in love with it about a year ago. Then I saw it again about a month ago. Bingo. THIS TIME I ORDERED IT! I also ordered another short "pixie" style wig, but it's out of stock right now, so they'll send it to me when it comes in. It's crazy excellent! I love this! And... the pricing was way cheap enough, too. What a deal!


I even went to my hair stylist last night and had her cut it exactly to my specifications. She did a great job, right? Turns out the wig needed some tweaking given that while I wanted a full, curly hair look, I also didn't want to look like a freaky clown and/or Little Orphan Annie with hair completely out of control. Plus... the length needed to shortened. So boom. I now have two looks for the price of one. My favorite little boy haircut PLUS... my favorite... curls galore. Who could ask for more?


Of course I haven't worn it out in public just yet but that day will come soon enough. Besides... this is a totally fun look if you ask me. Yippee. Yippee. CURLS!! Man I love that. 

SHIT. NOT AGAIN.

Lordy Lordy. No sooner do I happily get rid of the disgusting, unsightly Clemson van parked next door then boom. I now have a truck in it's stead, parked in the driveway of my idiot neighbor. What the hell is WITH this guy?? You can only iMAGine my reaction when I saw it coming down the street only to now have to stare out my bedroom window and see it forever. Plus... you should HEAR this thing. Think: sputtering. How it even runs I have no clue and frankly... I don't think it runs at all, given the amount of time the guy spends outside, trying to make it work.

So look. I've been in a family of cars for years and years and years beginning with my Dad and brother drag racing every weekend at the local race track in Miami. Wanna talk trophies? Don't even ask. Then they had a hard core dragster that some guy used to race for them. Then they even rebuilt some sort of '57 Chevy station wagon that was MAJOR fast and they raced with that, too.

Oh yeah. When my brother made his own bucks I remember sitting next to him, as he drove around plenty in everything from a Corvette to a Rolls Royce. Ferrari's, and Lamborghini's, too. And... everything in between. Which totally reminds me of...

When I was 16 years old and Bob was 21. He had his first Corvette who's engine you could hear from what seemed like miles away thus it was pretty damn easy to hear him coming up the driveway, pretty much below my bedroom window. Expect the one f'ing time when he got home, apparently without my hearing the engine, and he came up the stairs to our bedrooms and boom. HE CAUGHT ME SMOKING. What??? All of sudden his car is as quiet as a mouse? So quiet that I didn't hear him in time to quickly stash away my evil sin? Jesus. Don't ask. All I know is: thanks to Bob, my parents weren't particularly thrilled to learn I was into smokes. Regardless of the fact I stole the cigs from where else? Their OWN stash! But whatever. In the meantime...


Back to the eyesore. Basically... so yes. I'm not new to old cars. In fact once my Dad retired he even had a warehouse slash showroom slash garage of GRANDPA'S OLD CARS in which he collected and/or refurbished and/or rebuilt vintage cars from the 20's, 30s and 40s. Even earlier, maybe. Who cares. What I DO care about is this piece of crapola now sitting in the driveway next to me. The driveway that is apparently going to be the garage mechanic's work place. The mechanic of course being the neighbor himself. I mean seriously. If you ARE going to be a car buff... get a place to store it! And to work on it! Just don't make me stare at your stupid ugly cars/trucks right outside my otherwise stunning house and window! 

Besides, I hate this guy anyway, but that's a whole other story onto itself. I can't imagine his keeping it the color it is now but trust me... I shudder to think what it COULD be when all is said and done. If it turns out to be another homage to Clemson I'll shoot myself altogether. 


Oh yeah... as if I don't have enough to bitch about... get this. Now not only does he have this truck in the driveway but now, also a big sign of how Jesus is the Season. Or something like that. Are you kidding me?? I have to now live next to a church, too?? Because basically... I just have to tell you that for me personally, Jesus plays no big part whatsoever in my particular holiday season celebrations. Which kinda means: the entire deal is up for debate if you ask me. Anyway... 

I now have to figure out exactly how I'm going to approach this entire topic at the neighborhood Christmas Open House party next Sunday. I am totally praying he doesn't show up. But of course he will. Maybe even in the friggin' truck. Damnit. 

DRONING ON... and ON... and ON

Yippee. What a great time I had with my kid when he was here last week. I ALways love when he comes home. Of course to him... it's not really coming home. To him, home is in Miami thus in HIS mind, he's merely here to visit Mom. Big difference in my opinion, but in the end it accomplishes the same thing. I GET TO SEE MY SON. Besides... home is where the heart is, right? 

Plus... now that he's finished with school, he was able to stay here for five days with no worries of classes, time schedules, etc., etc. Which meant: plenty of time to do all the manly things I needed help with, plenty of time to decorate the outside of the house with Xmas lights, plenty of time to help me out with all my new techie crap and naturally... plenty of time to let me savor each and every delightful minute with him.


And then I remembered: his alltime favorite playtime activity while at home. Buzzing around with his remote control toy helicopter. 

OMG. It all came back to me within hours. How I used to tell him: STOP WITH THE BUZZING ALREADY. For while indeed, I love watching him play with his helicopters, there does come a point however when you just have to say: enough is enough. Well... for ME anyway. For him, never. Yet little did I know that on THIS trip home, there was going to be an upgrade to the entire deal. A GREAT upgrade, too I might add. Get this...


HE ORDERED A DRONE! A VERY COOL DRONE, TOO. Which in my kid's mind far outweighs all the other helicopters put together. And frankly, I can't blame him. THIS TOY IS UNBELIEVABLE. Because get this... it's like a helicopter AND a Go Pro all in one. IT TAKES HD VIDEOS OF EVERYTHING WHILE ALSO FLYING ALL OVER THE FRIGGIN PLACE! Oh man. You just have to see this toy. Plus... you can't believe HOW DAMN HIGH IT FLIES! This toy, made by Husban, is something to watch, alright. Let alone a great gift to buy for any gent on your shopping list. I was HAPpily going nuts while watching this drone deal fly allll over the house. And I do mean: all OVER the house! For not only did my son love playing with it inside, but you should SEE what it does outside. In fact... here. You can watch one of the videos for yourself. IT'S WAY COOL. CLICK HERE


We did videos at night and during the day and this is one from the daytime. Duh. Granted... this is one of the first, thus it's sort of a practice video. The controls are very sensitive and it's plenty tricky getting to work it perfectly, but regardless... IT'S AMAZING, RIGHT?? There is no sound, but who cares. It's a drone... not a microphone set up. LOOK AT HIGH IT GOES! It's the next best thing to being a bird, if you ask me. Plus, I guess if you REALLY needed to check out your roof for damage, boom. You'll have a first hand look in no time at all. I'll bet the insurance companies would get a major kick out of me were I ever in need to turn over roof damage videos, right? What can I say? This toy is cheapie enough AND it's incredible. Who could ask for more?


Well... other than wishing my kid could have stayed much longer, I guess. For as I said... we had a fantastic time, a fantastic Thanksgiving celebration (with 17 of us no less!) and a fantastic amount of laughs. We went to great restaurants, a wonderful men's clothing store and but of COURSE our mandatory visit to WalMart SuperStore. Best of all... I get to think of my kid every night when I look outside. HIS XMAS LIGHTS LOOK EXCELLENT.


I'm totally blessed, I must say. And man... in addition to all his other qualities... does he ever have excellent taste in toys! My son is by far my alltime favorite person in the entire world. Uh... next to myself, that is, but who's counting. Oh yeah. Get a load of how the house looks at night! It's a crappy picture, but you get the idea. THE BEAMS OF THE LAZER LIGHTS ARE INCREDIBLE.