Thursday, June 26, 2014


Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Social media today normally refers to information shared over networks either virtually or digitally. I myself decided however, that in the olden days, social media was probably done best via the television, telephone or even the U.S. Mail... all of which I still use in today's world regardless of the digital age. And yesterday... I discovered that the U.S. Mail may well be my alltime favorite way of sharing information. Why? Easy. Because get this...

Today who should I get a letter from but the Social Security Administration and believe you me, I was tickled pink from the information they shared with me. No. Wait. A better way to describe it is: I WAS ECSTATIC. Who the F knew??

First of all I must say I totally love Social Security. In fact, combine that with Medicare and I'm in hog's heaven. These two organizations totally make being in your mid 60s a major treat. And today I have to say that it became an even better treat!

All I know is that today I very innocently opened two letters from the Social Security Administration and guess what! THEY WANT TO TRIPLE THE AMOUNT OF MY MONTHLY BENEFIT!! I was in SHOCK. Happily in shock mind you, but still... in unbelievable shock. For a good long five minutes all I can tell you is that I stared at the letters and kept saying aloud: OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH, SOCIAL SECURITY! You're the best damn organization EVER. Well... except for Hospice Care, maybe.

I am so telling you... I couldn't believe it. I saw the numbers and my eyes bulged aplenty. I so never saw this coming. It's like one of those moments you almost think: Whoa. I'm not telling anyone one damn thing about this unexpected present for fear it could turn out to be a lie and I'm not REALLY supposed to be getting this increase. Yet in this case, I AM SUPPOSED TO. Which only means: Yipppeee hallelujah! Thank you ever so much Social Security! I love you! 

As you might imagine, I simply didn't know who to call first to rave about my extraordinarily good fortune. I decided two things right off the bat though: 1.) I would tell my kid last and 2.) I'll call my accountant first. Afterall... why let my kid know I have extra monies I could maybe spend on him if I wanted (which I don't want, btw) and yet I better clear this with my accountant to be sure it's not a lie. (turns out it's not) I mean seriously... due to both the postal service and Social Security... I am thrilled to no end.

And, in neither case did I have to go to a chat room, a web site, my mobile device or ANYwhere in the technological world. All I had to do was go outside to my own personal mail box at the front of my house! Now how easy was THAT? The least stressful social connection ever, if you ask me.  

Factor in the fact that I LOVE happy surprises and I LOVE presents of any kind so boom. Today was a red letter day all over the place. As it happens I know now exactly why I got the increase in my Social Security but that doesn't take away the thrill of it all in the least. I especially love the speed with which this organization got it's numbers tallied and got the adjusted info sent to me. SOMEone at this place is way on top of their game.  

Bottom line: granted... digital social media is here to stay. But the oldie goldie method of transmitting info is apparently working just as well for me at the moment. Besides, I adore the computerized automatic direct deposit I set up for all my Soc. Sec. checks. Basically meaning: who said you can't mix the old with the new? 

Dear God: thank you ever so much for this unexpected treat. I will spend it wisely. Maybe. Amen.

Thursday, June 19, 2014


Who knew great minds thought alike?? Talk about like Mother, like son. 

Meaning: how much did I love it when I was wearing my own pair of new red glasses, only to find that my kid was sporting a pair as well! What a great coincidence. And, I totally love his as much as I love mine. See? I KNEW summer was the time to bring out a splash of color for the season.

You can only imagine how glad I was to see my son again, regardless of his fine taste in frame selection. Although, seeing his color choice definitely upped my respect for him even more. I treasure every minute being with my kid which is nothing new, really. I ALWAYS love being with him. And... even better... I do believe he loves being me as well.

Not enough to want to move closer to NC, mind you, but whatever. Which is way too bad given I'd happily bribe him with pocket change aplenty, were he to reconsider. In the meantime, I'll settle for just seeing him happy.  

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


I'm so telling you. Don't go. Well... unless you absolutely have to, but even then, try NOT to go. Unfortunately, I myself HAD to go. So sure enough... I went. It's crazy ass hectic. It's oppressively hot. It's crowded as hell. It's the last place on earth I ever want to be. So where is this place of which I'm speaking??

Uh... it's Miami. Oops. I'm sorry. No. It's not Miami. It's SUPPOSED to be Miami, except it totally isn't. Instead... it's Latin American. Seriously. That's Miami now.

Within the 12 years since I've left for good... for much the same reasons I've just listed above... I can't beLIEVE what changes have occurred in the city of my birth and many many years of my youth and adulthood. Now don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against Latin America. It's perfectly fine for those wishing to visit Brazil, Columbia, Argentina, Venezuela, Ecuador, etc. etc. You'll see some of the most beautiful, vibrant countries in the world there.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO VISIT MIAMI... you basically can't. You'll have to instead, visit the pretend Miami since... as I've already said... it is now totally: Latin America. It's NOTHING like the real Miami in which I grew up. The architecture is Latin. The food is Latin. The shops are Latin. For SURE the language is comPLETEly Latin. In fact, several years ago, even TIME magazine called Miami the capital of Latin America. And trust me... IT IS. Man... it just blew my mind.

And.. get this. To drive home the point even further for me, I had to go to Miami at the height of the soccer World Cup deal no less! You have no idea what's doing down there. I was in the Brickell Village area on Saturday night and I'm telling you... it felt exactly like entire Latin America met Times Square on New Year's Eve! It was completely unbelievable.

I even had to whip out my camera over and over again to simply take in the entire scene. Processing all the restaurants, all the outdoor bars, all the zillions HUGE high rises that were under construction, all the cars, all the PEOPLE, all the noises, all the EVERYTHING was an onslaught to one's senses. Granted, an energetic, happy onslaught, but a LATIN AMERICAN onslaught nevertheless. What happened to the Coral Gables, South Miami and/or Miami Beach in which I grew up, I can't begin to even tell you. Other than it decided to basically not be a part of the United States anymore. It decided to be Latino.

By the way... speaking of how many people are living there now, you should SEE the size of the airport nowadays. I had to walk MILES before I got to baggage claim. I mean it... getting through that airport took actual miles to maneuver by foot. I WAS EXHAUSTED by the time I got from the plane and walked away with my one stupid little checked bag. Granted every Latin American who helped direct me, spoke English but I swear. I thought the walk to the claim rounders would never end.

Anyway... I went to Miami because I had to and in spite of it being a difficult reason, I must say: I had a fantastic time. I totally loved everything I ate. I totally loved seeing everyone I had to. Most of all, I totally loved being in a pool once again. Oh yeah. Heads' up: if you DO have to go to Miami... sorry, I mean Latin America... you SO have to be sure you hop into the pool for a couple of hours every day just to bring down your body temp. No wonder I was in my pool everyday when I lived there. IT'S CRAZY ASS HOT outside.

Just looking around at all the things, whether it be traffic, people, buildings, signs, whatever... is like major visual excess. On the other hand...

I better learn to live with it because in six weeks... guess what. I have to GO BACK THERE YET AGAIN. Oh man. I can't believe it. Granted, the next time will be for a happy reason indeed, but still. The entire experience gives a whole new meaning to sensory overload. Including your sense of taste for I do have admit... the food was absolutely superb. Exceptionally pricey, yes, but totally worth it.  

Sunday, June 1, 2014


Omigod. You won't believe this. Guess what! Today some people stole my shopping bag!! THE BASTARD THIEVES. I can't even TELL you how upset I am. Of course it was sorta my fault for having mistakenly left the bag in my cart but still. THEY STOLE MY BAG OF PERFUMES, COSTING ME $108.89 FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NOW!!


Man. What a crazy ass experience. So it all began this morning when I saw I had no more back up perfumes in my bathroom cabinet. Which meant: I better stock up and SOON. Thus after I got made up and dressed this morning I figured what the hell. I'll run over to the mall and hit the department store to buy what I needed. The department store which btw, no long sells my REAL perfume of choice: Opium. Don't ask. That's another story altogether.

In the meantime, the bottom line is I have to now buy my second choice of scents which is Youth Dew and just like Opium, it has a very strong, intense, beautiful scent. Oh yeah... I'm totally into strong, long lasting perfumes so that basically not only do I smell absolutely fantastic when near you, but more importantly, way after I walk away from you. Talk about leaving a lasting impression, right??

Anyway... it sorta worked out in my favor given Opium perfume... oops... I mean PARFUM... is now about $120 a bottle and Youth Dew is only $35. Okay. So I go to the store. I buy 3 bottles of perfume and bingo. The deed is done. Until that is... I spot a perfectly great handbag that I figured would be excellent for traveling, etc. I think and think and next thing you know, I'm paying for the bag, getting a nice little 30% off I might add. Then I head out of the store.

This is when the troubles begin. I approach the exit door, take my purse out of the cart, then the bag with the new purse in it and I leave the store. LIKE A STUPID IDIOT, FORGETTING TO TAKE THE BAG OF PERFUMES WITH ME, DAMNIT. I can't beLIEVE what an asshole I was but what can I tell you. I'm old.

Naturally, when I get home I realized IMMEDIATELY I've left a bag behind and in no time at all I call the department store and tell them: HELP. I'M AN IDIOT. I LEFT THE STORE WITHOUT MY PERFUME AND I'M FREAKING OUT AND THEREFORE PLEASE REVIEW THE STORE'S HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERAS AND FIND OUT WHERE THE HELL I LEFT THE BAG, PLEASE. Which they do, given I am sure they heard the pleading in my voice which totally sounded like a crazed lady who's completely lost her mind.

So while the Lost Recovery Manager is kindly doing that little chore for me, I hightail it back to the store hoping of course he'll find my bag. Oh... he finds it alright. For on the security camera what should he see but a nice looking older couple who saw my cart and looked into my bag AND THEN STOLE MY THREE PERFUMES!! Without a fucking care in the world the wife happily walks out of the store just KNOWING she's going to be smelling like a queen for the next friggin' three months or so. I TOTALLY HATE YOU, LADY.

Anyway to make a long story short: the security guy tells me the store can't really file a theft report to the police given it was no longer their property after I purchased the goods. So I should call the police, file the report, and then have the Sergeant call him for details on the thieves. (they had made a purchase with Mastercard so Mr. Security has their names) Sure enough the Sergeant came to my house, took down all the info for a report and boom. Mission accomplished. Maybe I'll get my perfume back, maybe I won't. I may even have to show up in court depending upon how things play out but whatever.

All I can say is: as soon as the officer left, I went BACK to the store to re-buy my perfume by which time, btw, they only had two bottles left. Bottom line? I wound up paying about $180 dollars for perfume today... two bottles of which I have, three of which I had stolen. Man.... talk about a comedy of errors.

Now... all I'm PRAYING for is that when/if the rotten people are found and they wind up being people I actually KNOW... yippee. I'm going to spread this story around town like WILDFIRE. And... I know exACTly which couple I pray is the culprit. For I would LOVE to make them out to be thieves, making their lives as miserable as possible given I truly hate them. But yeah... I know... I have way too much downtime if THIS is my fantasy, right? 

For now... the Sergeant will be getting on the case on Wednesday morning given what? My perfume ISN'T the most important criminal issue in the city?? After that I can't wait to see what happens. Besides... who wants another woman running around this town smelling as fabulous as I do? In closing let me just say: To Be Continued!!