7 HOURS AND COUNTING

Man. This is just so crazy. The day began with snow starting to fall at about 10 o'clock this morning. And it was kinda like a sprinkle kind of snow. The sort you wouldn't even imagine would stick. The flakes were like the babiest flakes I'd ever seen and I was sure this would totally be a non event. Although I must admit... the temp must have been about 31 degrees I'll bet.

Thus... I figured no problem. I can go do my errands and be in tip top shape. It was only for a couple hours, anyway. Turns out: big mistake on my part. NONE OF US KNEW WHAT WAS COMING UP NEXT.
In the meantime... I left my neighborhood and started traveling down the main roads and I was pretty much chipper as hell. The roads looked slightly wet, but nothing was REALLY sticking. Besides, I needed to get some things done and didn't want to be a wuzz. So... feeling pretty confident, out I went.

As it happens I'm having a dinner party here for 15 of us on Saturday night, so I wanted to pick up some decorative items before I headed over to my manicure and pedicure. I figured both errands were on my NEED TO DO LIST so why not give it the ole college try. Which I figured would be easy enough. Of course all the while... the tiny sprinkles of snow were continuing to come down but still, all seemed okay. Oh man. Little did I know.

I didn't even think there would be a problem when the loudspeaker in the store came on and said: OOPS. APPARENTLY ALL SCHOOLS WILL BE CLOSING AT 11 A.M. DUE TO WEATHER. I know... whoever thought I'd even be OUT AND ABOUT at 11!! Regardless, even THEN I figured no big deal for trust me... the second I hear of snow coming my way, I'M IN FOR THE DAY. Apparently except for today. Even better... I wasn't even SUPPOSED to get snow today. To my south, yes. To my north, yes. BUT NOT ME.

On top of all this btw, as if my day wasn't freaky enough, someone I know is having MAJOR MAJOR HORRIBLE all day surgery today so I just KNEW I had to keep busy to help keep my head on straight. But anyway... the bottom line here is easy. I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THE WEATHER BEING NO PROBLEM.

I was even looking outside the entire time my feet and hands were being done just to be sure all was okay. Even then I seriously didn't have much concern. And even when I went to my car... which you can see up above... and SAW THE SNOW BEGINNING TO ACCUMULATE ON THE TRUNK I STILL figured I'd have no problem. 

UNTIL THAT IS... I GOT ON THE MAIN DRAG TO COME HOME. Holy ba holy. 

First of all, the traffic on the highway was crawling. No wonder. Because second of all, there were police cars with flashing lights all over the place. As in: accidents galore. Third of all, I could see my original route was going to take forever given there WAS an accident in front of me. In no time at all... I turn around to go a completely other way. Fourth of all, the other way wasn't nearly as ice free as I'd imagined. It wasn't black ice per se, but this time WHITE ice. Uh... I'm thinking sleet maybe?

Fifth of all, by the time I got onto the secondary roads I then knew all wasn't going to be kosher after all. The snow has fallen steadily alllll this time since 10 and I could tell right off the bat... there had been no salting, no plowing, no nothing. NOW I was getting scared. And I was traveling at what? About 10 mph maybe?? Don't even f'ing ask.

Sixth of all, by the time I got on the road that would eventually bring me to my house I saw that it was ENTIRELY covered with this white ice stuff. And I don't even have four wheel drive! Even the cars traveling on the road weren't producing enough heat to keep the street at least just wet. Seventh of all, you should have SEEN what accumulating on my car. By now, btw?? Oh man... I was totally freaking although I must say, I was beginning to think that if I HAD to walk home from there, I probably could have made it afterall.

Okay. So the weather man lied to me. How do I know?? Because I DID get over a couple inches of snow so far. And here I am 7 hours later and it's STILL going to fall for several more hours yet! Jesus. Were the flakes the regular big, fluffy kind I'd so be looking at snow up to my knees. As it is... I'm ready to down Ativan as soon as I finish this entry. Talk about ignorance being bliss.

OMG. NEWS FLASH: AS WE SPEAK, THE CITY'S PLOW TRUCK JUST WENT RIGHT SMACK UP MY STREET!!! FOUR TIMES, EVEN. Talk about timing is everything!!! On the other hand... I can see already that the white ice and/or sleet is so going to be turning to black ice any moment now. Uh oh... new problem. I just looked up and the falling snow has practically RE-covered the entire plowed street all over again.


What a friggin' day.

POP QUIZZES

For weeks now, my kid has been telling me to download this new app... QUIZUP... to my iPad so we can play together. For weeks, I basically forgot the entire deal altogether. Until that is, last night.

Apparently you need an iPhone but even with an iPad you can download the phone version and bingo. It works perfectly. The app will be coming to Android soon enough but until then, I'm using my iPad. Anyway... last night I decided to take the plunge. I downloaded this game and what a surprise... after five minutes of playing... I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. Seriously. I am so the Queen of Addictions thus you can only imagine how long it took me to find that an hour's time passed in what felt like mere minutes. I was playing this game over and over and all I know is:  IT IS SO FANTASTIC I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.

You can either play with a friend or the app will find someone with whom you can play. Each game lasts for about 5 minutes and there isn't a trivia category you can name that it doesn't cover. Immediately I went to the British Royalty topic, one of over 400 topics in all. The Music category is great too. You can do Beatles, 50s, Showtunes, whatever. And... if you are like me... you can lose as many games as you win. I also tried the Fashion category btw and totally loved it.

Plus... when you sign on to the app for the first time, they ask for your full birth date. At first you think: Huh?? Why do they need THAT? Turns out... if you're not playing with a designated friend, the app will instead then team you up with someone about your own age so that in the end, you're not playing with a 12 year old. Excellent move in the development department. Plus, I suspect maybe your age also helps to not ask questions about things which you wouldn't be even remotely knowledgeable. Granted... there is plenty of room on this app for hacking your personal information but my take is: everyone in the world ALREADY has access to God knows what about me so why start worrying now? 

I also got to choose from pre-made avatars or I could select a pict from my own computer. Naturally I uploaded Queen Victoria as my picture and then decided to use Queen Linda as my game name. Boom. I was ready to go. Within seconds I was playing with people all over the country and/or world. We had to win as many points as possible for not only getting the correct answer but also for answering faster than your opponent. Which brings me to....


You know how damn smart I am about a zillion things in this world of ours? Well, here's a News Flash if ever there was: Apparently I'M NOT. Turns out the world is WAY smarter than I am. Damnit. Shocking, right?? I decided the person playing the Royalty topic with me btw, must have been cheating or WAS part of the Royal Family altogether. They knew too many hard questions and FAST too. On the other hand... I easily know as much as several other players and often times, more. But believe you me... it wasn't a slam dunk by any means. 

I also love knowing I'm not playing against teen aged idiots high on dope. Well wait... time out here. Now that I think of it... I could maybe find a new supplier thanks to QuizUp?? Hey. NOW we're talking.  

UH... NO. I'M NOT KIDDING.

For a couple of weeks now, I have been meaning to write about my pearls of wisdom regarding Chris Christie, who is definitely on a downward spiral. But once I saw this new exercise equipment?? Oh man. I had to make a 180 degree turn on that topic immediately and switch to this one lickety split. I mean seriously... THIS IS A WAY TO EXCERCISE?? Uh... apparently so. Many, I'm totally sure, just HAVE to be thinking: WHOA. WAY TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, ALRIGHT.

Naturally one look at this picture and I just HAD to email it to my core training instructor in seconds flat. Why? Because we use these excercise balls ALL the time! Well, wait. Hold on a second. Not THESE particular balls but we do use the non X rated version in lots of classes. For all kinds of exercises, too. As in: laying upon them while doing crunches. As in: laying flat on the floor, body all stretched out and lifting the ball from the floor with our knees to our hands. As in: sitting upon the ball and merely bounce. As in: also sitting upon them and throwing another small ball to our partners, all the while balancing on the big ball. 

BUT THESE BALLS?? THE ONES IN THE PICTURE UP THERE? Oh man. So never going to be used at a gym, I'm quite sure. And thank God for small favors, too. Plus... get a load of the colors used on this piece of equipment! Geez. Oh yeah... you can only imagine one liner I added to Ansley's email, btw. 

On the other hand, SOMEONE is going to use these balls and I guess they're going to be mighty happy after their workout session. Hence the title... No. I'm Not Kidding. Obviously there IS such a workout  item on the market nowadays. Which means: talk about blending the world of a satisfying work out session with the world of working out for a satisfying session. Now THERE'S a tag line if ever I've heard one.

In the meantime, I actually HAVE switched out my exercise program. Get this: I go to core training still, I do yoga still but now... in honor of the New Year... I am trading in two of my evenings of doing yoga for a couple of nights of instead... sitting down??... walking the Mall. Holy shit. MY HAIR IS FRIGGIN' TURNING BLUE AS WE SPEAK. AND I AM AGING AS FAST AS YOU CAN SAY 1-2-3. I am soooo freaked I am doing the old lady Mall walking bit BUT you can't blame me. I have to! IT'S BLOODY COLD OUTSIDE DURING THE EARLY EVENINGS RIGHT NOW.

Apparently five times around the baby Mall near me is equalivant to two miles. Which of course I'm still working on accomplishing. I'm only at the one mile mark so far, thus hopefully by the end of this week, I'll be at two and half, maybe three times around. Needless to say there was NO way I'd ever be doing this switch up at 9:00 in the morning, so this early evening bit is perfect. Plus... you should SEE all the other people walking as well! I was absolutely shocked to see these folks. Families even. I mean really... this walking bit is BIG. Go figure.


Which, after all the health benefits are factored in, is the total reason I'm doing this walking bit in the first place. To sorta help punch up my chubby like figure. The good news however is that should it NOT help my figure... well, at the very least... I get to have some extra time for great shopping sprees. Bottom line: Either way, I win!

LADY VICTORIA HERVEY

Man. Now THIS is a way to make an entrance to a party, alright. This is SOME dress. Or... what there is of it, anyway. I know. I know. I must be one of a dozen women on the planet who finds this dress one hell of a show stopper and believe you me... were I a young Hollywood knockout, I'd be prancing around in this dress in no time flat. Whoa. Totally sexy.

Anyway, as it happens... this lady isn't a Hollywood sort at all. She's a British socialite. Which of course endears me to the dress all the more. Can you iMAGine greeting the Queen wearing this?? OMG. Lizzie would flip out right then and there. On the other hand... Philip would shine like never before.

All I know is... THIS black dress?? Totally an eye catcher. A major jaw dropper. Uh... okay. Let's be honest. An out and out prick teaser. But to me, it can also be the ultimate flirt skirt and personally, I love the Game of the Tease. How much you want to bet in the end however... that this chick is merely shouting: you can look but you absolutely can't touch? Well wait. You're right. Any female sporting this look, DEFINITELY puts out. But I bet she's crappy in bed, so there's the payback, all you horny guys out there. Unless of course it turns out she's totally great, in which case shoot me now. SO not fair. 

On the other hand... I can't even IMAGINE what the justice system might think if... God forbid... a woman in this dress were ever the victim of rape. Granted NO OUTFIT justifies rape but geez. I'll bet a hell of a lot of deliberation is going to go down before a jury nonetheless renders a guilty verdict to the rapist. But by the same token how much you want to bet the judge also kinda reprimands the defendant by stating "Hey lady. Pushing the envelope while in public is one thing. It's quite another to wear nothing more THAN the envelope". 

Thankfully, I doubt however any woman wearing this pretend dress is going to be raped. Afterall... not too many in the social settings where you'd find this outfit are likely to find a man who can't control himself. Would he look?? ABSOLUTELY. Would he want to touch? PRETTY MUCH. Would he go home and fantasize up a storm? COUNT ON IT. But is Victoria thrilled she's teasing him?? Oh man. WITHOUT A DOUBT.


Which is why it takes guts to wear an outfit like this to a fancy ass party. Not to mention the need of a fanTASTic looking body. Guts I have. However... a smoking hot body I don't have. So basically... there goes any chance I'D EVER HAVE of wearing anything NEAR this sort of flirtatious come-on. Not so much for Victoria though. She's headed to a Golden Globes after party, if I read correctly.

And... if you ask me... while all the others earned their well deserved honors that night, I am totally sure the stars are all second best to the buzz that went down about this dress. Seriously. I think this look SO takes the award of the evening. Oh yeah... in case you didn't get enough of it... here are more picts over which to drool. I even threw in an extra shot from some other evening. Some closet this Lady must have, huh??

  

I SURVIVED THE VOTEX

And frankly, I don't even have some stupid little T-shirt to prove it.

Man... that was some crazy ass way to begin a New Year. I can't even beLIEVE how cold it was last week. I mean seriously... with wind chill factored in, my evenings were like -13 degrees. THAT'S NORMAL?? OMG. It was nuts.

In the meantime, I pretty much have to thank God that all I had to deal with were cold temps. Had God thrown snow and/or black ice into the mix, I'd have been ready for the loony farm in seconds flat. On the other hand, during each of the sub zero days, I was in fact able to get out and about to do what I had to, but whoa. You can be sure I hightailed it home lickety split. Talk about running from house to car to building, back to car and then to another building and back to car again and then finally... back to a nice and cozy home.

Speaking of hightailing it home... last night my next door neighbors arrived back home after being away for a couple of weeks. Which of course now means... I am so ready for the soap opera to begin. I'm thinking it won't be so pretty. I think I may have mentioned this before: the wife is well readied to move back to her home state to be near her parents, family and friends once again. I think they've been here for what? 4 years maybe?

Apparently as much as she keeps telling the hubby that moving back is what she wants, the more he keeps telling her sorry. Not going to happen. Which of course has made her miserable for at least over a year . But not as miserable as he's going to be once he finds out that she's moving back, with or without him. While he's away at work, I might add. Hence one day soon the hubby will basically come home only to find the wife is outta there. THEN maybe he'll reconsider her request, but if you ask me this has NC Family Court written all over it.

 The only other thing I can add for tonight is that I am SOOO damn happy the holidays are over so I can finally get back to a NORMAL WEEKDAY SCHEDULE. I get totally screwed up on what day is what and this week was my first chance to have every bit of my routine back in place. It just makes me shudder to no end to imagine how I'm going to possibly keep things straight in my f'ed up head when I'm like in my 80s. Already I see that my caretakers can surely tell me anything they want me to believe and I'll have no mental arsenal at ALL to offer an argument. I just have to pray I'm not so outta my mind that I wind up turning over my bank accounts and safety deposit boxes without batting an eyelash.


And don't for one minute think this can't happen. I am completely a candidate for extreme senior moments.