IT TAKES COURAGE

My hat goes off to those with great bravery or great courage. Like those people who climb crazy ass high mountains just for the thrill of it all. Or go out alone in the desert or swamp for a week, where you just KNOW you’ll probably be dead by sunrise. Eaten by God only KNOWS what kinds of creatures. Let alone being shot by some hunter thinking you’re a nice sized bear. I even give credit to those who go on Space Mountain in Disney World, suggesting: YAY. WHAT FUN! LET’S GO ON A RIDE WHEREBY WE SCREAM THE HELL OUT OF OURSELVES, WHILE LIVING IN SHEER TERROR OF HEART THRUMPING THRILLS AND CHILLS IN THE HOPES WE BORDER ON A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE AND MAYBE EVEN HAVE A HEART ATTACK ALTOGETHER. TOTALLY LET'S DO IT! These people are nuts! Even conSIDering ziplining would put me into a state of panic. 

Holy shit. I would SOOO never do any of these activities even if you paid me zillions of bucks. Well. Wait. MAYbe for a zillion dollars I might, but even then, I HIGHLY doubt it.

Meanwhile, I am TRYing to think of something I HAVE done that was incredibly brave in my life and you know what? I CAN’T THINK OF ONE DAMN THING. Honestly. I like staying on the ground. I like sleeping in swanky hotels. I like safety over danger. And I like being a homebody for fun as opposed to embarking on a big “adventure”. I know. I’m a total loser. BUT… a very safe, secure and cautious one. I need extra anxiety like I need a hole in my head.

And then, one day recently, it hit me. You know what? I HAVE done something pretty courageous. You’ll never guess in a million years what it is. That picture above should give you a clue. Oh… you might think it has something to do with my touting that french fry, remembering it IS my all time favorite food. But that’s not it at all. BTW: SIDEBAR FOR A MINUTE, HERE.

That picture has a crazy story all onto itself. Turns out that a friend of mine has a daughter who is creating some sort of a pamphlet. I’ve mentioned this before? I can’t even remember. Maybe, but in any case, the daughter called my friend, needing photos of a happy senior citizen for her layout and bingo. My name came up. Now, if this shot isn’t one of me feeling absolutely happy and thrilled, then nothing is. Regardless, while the french fry DOES make me happy as hell... it has nothing to do with my courage.

Instead… ready for this?… what DOES depict my very own courage in this picture is actually: my HAIRCUT. Seriously. Walking around town with this pretty damn short hair is bravery, indeed!

Oh… you can mock me for my bravery all you want, but I am so telling you… VERY few people have the nerve to go so short, trust me. For in reality, I can totally tell you, this takes guts! I should know. I took the plunge, and to be very honest… I am thrilled I did. Going to this pixie kind of look is NOT for the faint of heart. But boy am I glad I did! 

Some people just get how fantastic very short hair can actually look on a woman. Well… IF the hair stylist knows HOW to cut great looking short hair. The person doing the cutting totally makes all the difference in the world between a disaster and a masterpiece. Down below I will show you some absolutely stunning Hollywood women who have gone very short and look INCREDIBLE, but for now… naturally… I’ll focus on me. And my courage for taking the plunge.

First of all… I had no choice, really.

For as it happens, I have always had very fine hair rather than beautiful, thick locks with a lot of bounce to it. Damnit. And… I never had a lot of those fine hairs, either. UH… THANKS GOD FOR GIVING ME NO WAISTLINE NOR THICK HAIR. In any case, I unfortunately, always had the odds against me in trying to have a really pretty hair style. But… I struggled nonetheless, and somehow was able to work with whatever I did have throughout the years, to look somewhat presentable. And oh yeah… aging and old lady meds didn’t help, either. The older I got, the thinner my hair became. Geez. Talk about getting the short end of the stick once again.

Anyway…about 6 years ago, I was pretty much forced to take a very big gamble and went with a pretty short hair style. Besides, as I said, I didn’t have that much choice. For nothing looks worse than stringy, fine hair trying to emulate a style that requires a beautiful thick mane like Farrah Fawcett, let’s say. So… I kind of knew what might work on me and what would not.  

I even remember being so excited that Prince George and I once had the exact same hair style when he was like 3 years old or something. Of course, even his hair was thicker than mine, but whatever. 

I was so impressed, I think I may have even posted it on Facebook. Yay! The eventual king of England was into copying me. What could be bad? Oh… and btw…

Not only is my hair thin, but it is also completely straight. Yet another delightful crappy look to throw into the mix, for I LOVE curly hair. And I even paid $100 a month for perms way back, when I was in my 40s. I WAS IN TOTAL HEAVEN, believe me. Did I look absolutely amazing with this long, curly hair? Uh… of course not. But I didn’t care. I still loved it. It was kind of like the Gloria Estevan look in the early 90s, maybe. Looking back on it today... it seems kind of freaky, but back then, I was living in Curly Hair Delight.

Okay. So I went from long hair in high school to long hair in my 50s but eventually after 65 I happened to see a picture of Charlize Theron. BOOM. I HAD AN EPHIFANY. I saw her with a REALLY short cut, and bingo. I ran to my hair dresser and said HERE. LET’S DO THIS CUT. Boom. 30 minutes later… I had that cut. Sort of.

And… believe it or not… it must look kind of okay on me for I am stopped all the time by strangers, telling me right smack out of the blue… OH, I LOVE YOUR HAIR! Especially since I let my natural hair color grow in about 6 years ago, maybe. Yes… most men want their women to have long, thick, voluminous hair but if that’s the case, then they don’t want me. For I totally could never deliver on that front. They also like thin, shapely figures which uh… again, I am unable to deliver. I won’t even get into how men also love young, firm bodies. That ship has SO sailed about 50 years ago. In the meantime…

To this day, when someone glowingly compliments me on my haircut, I always smile and thank them for I am pretty sure they are kindly trying to make me feel better about my probably having gone through treatment of some kind, whereby I must have lost my hair altogether, and now it’s just growing back. Thankfully, I never had hair loss caused from illness, thus these people should only know, this was a CHOSEN look; not a reactive look. Anyway…

While I know plenty of old ladies like myself who have short grey, white or silver hair, only one is as brave as I am to go REALLY short. Besides… I ‘m lazy. Which is no surprise to anyone who knows me.

WHAT? ME CONDIITION MY HAIR EVERY TIME I SHOWER AND SHAMPOO EACH DAY? SO NOT HAPPENING. HUH? ME BLOW DRYING MY HAIR EVERYDAY WHEN I STILL NEED TO GO PUT ON MAKEUP AND THEN SELECT AN OUTFIT ONLY TO THEN GO AND GET DRESSED? GEEZ... I'M EXHAUSTED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. 

All that prep is absolutely never going to happen ever again. Have any clue how much time is saved by my having short hair?? Think: PLENTY.

Instead… I now shower at night, using an upscale shampoo and boom. I’m done. I get dressed each morning, wet my short hair with my hands, let it dry a little, then run my fingers through it, pretending they are a comb and blow dryer all in one. Bingo. 30 seconds later… done! Talk about what you see is what you get. And yes… even my own kid, when he first saw me with very short hair, said WTF?? but not only has he gotten way used to it, it turns out he is totally no Vidal Sassoon, thus so much for his opinion. Besides, every once in a while he shaves his head altogether, so what the hell does he know?

All I can tell you is, if like me, you have no choice but to go short in the haircut department, making this courageous move does have it’s upside. Case in point:, it opens a WHOLE new world for earring possibilities. Nice big hoops, nice large dangling earrings or even a couple of large earring studs. For yes, I do have double holes in my ears, so I totally wear two pairs at once. They kind of frame your face with just a nice amount of interest. A 2.5 carat diamond stud in each ear for example totally fits the bill, if you ask me. Then, add a 2.5 inch gold hoop in each ear and boom. You’re off to the races.

Additionally, as I’ve mentioned before… you can’t ignore the 30 seconds it takes to wash and rinse your hair. Or, the next 30 it takes to dry and style your hair. Talk about wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Which brings me right smack back to my being so courageous, after all. Most women would NEVER consider this haircut option. Me? One look at Charlize and next thing you know, COUNT ME IN. One of these days I’ll have to see if there are any other brave things I’ve ever done, but I totally think I’ll draw a blank. For now however…

Get a load of these starlets who have also chosen to go for an updated, little boy, pixie haircut. They happen to look fantastic if you ask me. YAY BRAVERY. I dare you to do it, too.

 

AN OFFICIAL PROBLEM

Remember how, in a few posts back, I had mentioned I would make a might fine free lance editor, given I can spot grammatical mistakes in a flash? How I can catch spelling mistakes or refine sentence structure in a in heartbeat? And, how I should definitely get nicely rewarded in payment for this talent of mine? It’s true. I really WOULD make an excellent print editor. Well… guess what. Turns out I’m a total sham. And, I’m none too thrilled about it, either.

The craziest thing happened to me this evening. Shocking, almost. I can’t even believe it. Especially since I’ve been writing this blog for years and absolutely NO one… ever… has brought to my attention what a glaring, unacceptable mistake I’ve  been making all this time. I am STUNNED. Not so much over the fact no has ever alerted me about this crazy ass error, but more… the fact I even MADE this mistake in the first place. That I haven’t even caught it mySELF, is nuts. Indeed, I’m an embarrassment to all writers everywhere. Amateurs OR professionals. Talk about flunking Creative Writing 101.

So… I have this friend. We chit chat about all KINDS of things all the time. Naturally, my favorite topic being… that we are pretty much two of the brightest people we know. Why even lower ourselves to discuss weighty topics with others, when the two of us are far and beyond, above all others in the intelligence department. Yeah. Well… so much for our being so damn smart. Especially me. Apparently I am a major loser. Man… how easy the high and mighty fall.

As it happens, this friend of mine has a sister. A sister I am sorry to say, I have never yet met, given it’s hard for me to believe there are TWO of these people running around on the planet. If she is anything like my friend… and I almost want to say they possibly could be two peas in a pod… then I totally can’t wait to perhaps actually meet her in person one day. For from what I know about my friend, and from I’m told about the sister, I will so enjoy her company... laughing my fat ass off but plenty. And trust me… laughing is my third all time favorite thing to do in the whole wide world. You can almost guess my first and second choices. Eating french fries is one. You can figure out the other yourself. 

In any case, during a recent conversation between the friend and the sister, in spite of our thinking how fucking intelligent we are, it just so happens the sister is WAY more intelligent. Apparently SHE should be the editor of the written word. Why? Because in seconds flat of viewing this blog, she caught something neither my friend nor I ever did. And by the way… neither did any of you! Turns out…

During their conversation, my name came up, as did my blog. And apparently, the sister, being the astute woman she is, did indeed check out the blog only to discover… you sitting down?… that for about 15 years now, I’VE BEEN MISSPELLING PART OF THE TITLE ON MY BLOG HEADING!!

Are you kidding me??? This must be some sort of joke!! In alllll these years, I’ve never once caught it??? Oh man. Talk about humiliating! I SO have to give this woman a major prize for reading this one time and boom! She sees the mistake in a heartbeat! WTF???

Okay. So here’s the deal. Every time you, my reader, open my blog site, you see the blog title, first and foremost. And btw… the title is an IMPORTANT item, right? Some might even say THE most important item. It tells you exactly what you will be reading, so you get to decide for yourself: should I waste my time reading this crap from an old lady or shouldn’t I? Well… of course, if you ask me… I’d tell you ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD but more importantly, you might even want to find a way to get me published. But whatever. And besides, who ELSE is better at wasting your leisure reading time, anyway?? In any case….

For 15 years, I’ve had this title as my main introduction, only to NOW learn I HAVE ASTOUNDINGLY MADE A HORRIBLE, UNBELIEVABLY STUPID SPELLING ERROR. WHERE YOU ASK? NONE OTHER THAN… IN MY ALL IMPORTANT TITLE HEADER! And… it’s been like that for EVER. Omg. Blogger.com should throw me off the site imMEDiately for bringing them such shame. I would totally deserve it.

Alright, So about the heading. It reads: Living As Linda. That’s header number 1. With the next line, header number 2, reading: Who Is Now… OFFICICALLY… A Senior Citizen! I Know. Totally Astounding. 

Okay. That’s the way it has read for YEARS AND YEARS. Until recently, when my friend’s sister INstantly pointed out:

UH… SINCE WHEN IS OFFICICALLY A WORD??

Pronounced: uh-fish-ik-a-lee??? An additional C??

Jesus. I can not TELL you how embarrassed I am! Not to mention how SHOCKED I am. What the hell could I have been THINKING all these years?? Well… basically, I WAS thinking what a brilliant woman I am but NOW? Now I’m thinking I’m totally an asshole. Granted… in spite of proofing my posts 3 times before I upload it, I STILL miss a zillion grammatical mistakes, but seriously. IN THE TITLE HEADING?? Omg. That is SO not a cool thing. 

UH… ATTENTION ALL BLOGGER STAFFERS: CHECK OUT THIS IDIOT’S TITLE. SHE HAS NO CLUE HOW TO SPELL EVEN THE MOST COMMON OF WORDS. WE SHOULD REMOVE HER FROM THE SITE ALTOGETHER?? DISCUSS AND GET BACK TO US. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION... THE BLOGGER TEAM.

Don’t ask. In the meantime…

Hopefully, by the time you read this post, the correction will surely have been made. IF I can go back into the layout pages and figure out HOW. Talk about a feat all onto itself. Seriously… there are plenty of times I would have LIKED to have switched up my page design, but I totally have no clue how to do it without completely screwing up the layout. Just my luck. I make the changes I want, then maybe decide to revert to the original design after all.. and then… boom. I have no idea whatsoever how to get back to the layout I had in the first place. Talk about not fixing what ain’t broke. Regardless…

How happy am I now that I know what a jerk I am, finally finding out my writing skills are down the tube? Uh… not very. BUT… that doesn’t, for one moment, keep me from thanking the sister of this friend for giving me a heads up! Honestly… were it not for her, I would so go to my grave thinking I’m still the most brilliant woman I know. Man. Am I ever living in a fool’s paradise.

Now… all I’ve got to do is one day, meet this astute sister! What prize I will bring to her, I have not yet a clue what it will be, but it SO has to be something special. For me, on the other hand… I apparently have to give mySELF... a dictionary. She obviously doesn’t need one. 

And oh yeah… for those of you out there who were thinking you would like to hire me as your editor… uh, you might want to look elsewhere. Unless you are into hiring someone who merely makes up words no one has ever heard of before. If such is the kase… am I ever your gell! 

DWAI