Sunday, July 14, 2019

PRIME

It could be argued that I’m sorta still in the prime of my life. I particularly love prime steaks and I love lots of prime time TV shows, too. But MOST OF ALL… I love Amazon Prime!

It is by far one of THE best inventions ever. Seriously. Ever.

To me… anyone who isn’t a prime member by now, totally has to maybe be… well, let’s see. How can I say this kindly? Uh… maybe be a loser of sorts?? I mean, really. It’s like they are still living in the past century or something… although I will admit the whole Prime deal was launched in 2005 so okay. Perhaps just a partial loser. And btw… for those of you doing a school report, Amazon itself came into being in 1994 so you’re welcome for the info. And btw… I myself have been an Amazon customer since 1998.

Frankly, I am not even sure I can live without Amazon. My first Kindle was purchased in 2007 and I paid major bucks for it, but it was soooo worth it. In fact, again for those doing school reports, the first Kindles were sold out in 5 and 1/2 hours and took another five months to restock it. Now THAT’S what I call a retail winner.

Nor can I live without Amazon Prime. I click a button and it arrives at my doorstep in 48 hours?? What the hell can possibly be BETER? Nothing! That’s what. I use Prime for everything from toilet tissue to vitamins. I love never having to go to a store for non perishables. Like dog food, lets say. Or personal hygiene products. Or my favorite lip stick. Or gift wrap items. Or linens. Or ANYthing. Not to mention, techie toys.

Additionally... I ADORE my Echo Dot. I have two them, actually, and use it almost everyday. Goodbye alarm clock. Goodbye cooking timers. Goodbye radios. Goodbye home weather stations. Goodbye LOTS of things. The best part? Listening to Sirrius satellite TV stations! Plus… Alexa is a pretty kind lady. She’ll tell you to have a nice day if you say Good Morning to her. Or Sweet Dreams if you say Good Night. Okay… those last two make me laugh right out loud but still… she’s a really kind person. What?? Alexa isn’t real?? Talk about living in the Age of the Jetsons. Oh yeah… I love when she give me phone numbers although using a phone book is something I stopped using years and years ago. Oh and get this…

Amazon's Prime Day sales begin tomorrow!  All KINDS  of Amazon Deals for Prime Members are being provided. As if 2 day shipping isn’t enough, right? Already I purchased  four items for my dog from their Early Day offers and guess what. Boom. The  items are sitting here in the house, before Prime Day even begins. Man. What a set up, is all I can say. 

And yes, I get it that Amazon has driven plenty of stores and companies out of  business. And yes, Jeff Bezos probably breaks every privacy law known to man but… would I give up my Amazon accout or Prime Membership??? Absolutely not. I’m not only hooked. I’m grateful, too.

For a lazy ass lady like myself, this concept of online shopping is sooo up my alley. I’m just totally sorry I won’t be around to see what OTHER fantastic technical ideas are coming down the pike. Unfortunately I’ll be on the other side of grass in what? About 10 more years? Which means: I’ll miss seeing some even GREATER inventions. Damnit.

Of course, I’ll also miss seeing Prince William become King which trust me… breaks my heart but PLENTY.


   

Saturday, July 13, 2019

OCD

I think I may have written something about this before but I then figured, if I can’t remember, then I suspect you can’t either. So with that in mind…

It wasn’t until I was about 60… 11 years ago now… that I began to develop crazy ass behaviors that I’d not had before. Case in point… when I turned 60, boom. All of a sudden I became spooked by other people’s germs. Seriously. I would NEVER take a grocery cart today without first wiping it down with those fantastic little sterile wipes they offer us at the cart stands. Actually, it could possibly be THE most perfect invention ever. Before I was 60, no problem. I’d touch every cart in the store if I wanted… all without sterilizing the handles. TODAY however?? No way.

At 60, I also began my first entry into the world of OCD. Like… after my housekeeper leaves my house when she is finished cleaning, if there is even one item not placed exactly as I had it on a table for instance, it takes me no time at all to put it back, facing it in it’s original position. Like my Mother’s photograph, let’s say. I need her frame to be facing at a very specific angle and if when cleaning, my housekeeper puts it in a DIFferent direction, then I have to correct it the moment I see it.

Oh man. This type of deal can go and on in my house for all kinds of things. My eye has to have THE  exact spatial relationship and direction in which I originally placed an item. And, if you think this is an easy behavior to maintain, trust me. It’s not. On the other hand…

I’m not really too too crazy with my OCD. I mean… there are people who are WAYYY into all kinds of bullshit compulsions but luckily I’m not one of those. I don’t go check locked doors over and over again before I leave the house or anything like that. Granted… I won’t put up with men who come to my home and leave the toilet seat up but actually, I suspect that that disorder is covered by my germ phobia, so I’m kinda good to go.  Regardless…

My latest OCD problem??? You will never believe this! It began about 2 months ago and frankly, it’s become a major pain in the ass! Yet now, it’s officially and permanently ingrained in my OCD list of crazy ass everyday funtioning. Want to know what it is?? Sitting down???

As of about 8 weeks ago… I now HAVE to set the volume of my TV on even numbers ONLY! Seriously! IT’S NUTS! Watching a progam set on a volume number of 35?? Absolutely not! It now has to be set at either 34 or 36. Can you even IMAGINE?? Where the fuck did this new behavior even COME from?? For my entire life, I was able to set the volume, happily I might add, at 29 with no problem. Two months ago however?? Jesus. It has to be set at 30. Or 28.

I HAVE by the way, TRIED to do odd numbers, but something in me just won’t allow it. I know. I’M READY FOR THE FUNNY FARM and I’m not particularly pleased about it, either. If someone else had told me they just HAD to do this crazy volume control deal, I’d tell them to check into an institution immediately, But since it’s me, I just tell myself: Hey… do what you have to do and deal with it. End of funny farm worries. Oh yeah. And btw... what's with this every channel having a different volume level altogether?? No wonder I'm going nuts.

Which reminds me. Is the whole country having to go without Directv's CBS at the moment?? It's blacked out all over?? I can't believe I'll have to forego CBS Sunday Morning yet anOTHER week! It's maybe the finest show on the airwaves and bingo. It's gone! 

For which maybe I should be happy. At least there is one show for which I don't have to worry about volume numbers. The only problem is: I'm not happy. BRING BACK CBS, please! My addiction to Sunday Morning needs feeding.  



Thursday, June 27, 2019

URGENT CARE

Not in a lonnnng time have I been as shocked as I was earlier today. It was just so crazy that even now… hours later… I simply can’t get over the conversation I had with my son. I was floored, to say the least.

I’m always thrilled to hear his voice, so naturally, when he calls me, I am tickled pink to hear from him. Especially since he recently moved to a new job opportunity in another city, for a nice pay hike and in a position he is loving.

My son became a Certified Physician Assistant several years ago and for the past few years, he had been working at an orthopedic surgical office; seeing patients, being on call, making rounds each morning and assisting in surgery for legs, hips, etc. He needed to also submit very detailed reports for each of his patients, and during football season, he then had the additional responsibility of being at the local highschool games each Friday night in case there were injuries on the field. Bottom line: a LOT of work and very few hours for down time. Plus… he was on a salary thus, he could never earn overtime for lots of what he did. Anyway….

A couple of months ago, he was eager to move on. His first choice was to work in the Emergency Room but there were no openings at the moment so instead he began looking into Urgent Care possibilities. Bingo. He found a position that offered considerably more money, far less paperwork and MUCH better hours. That’s the good news. The bad news is… it was 4 hours away from me. Regardless… 

My son has been there about a month now, and everytime I hear his voice, he sounds happier than I’ve heard him in a long time. Basically… he is thrilled. I am pretty sad. Then again… when your kid is feeling so damn good, who can complain, right? Okay. So….

When we were talking today, he was telling me all about work, how he’s currently the main medical guy in the place, how the patients are, etc. etc. I then happened to ask him a question and it was at that moment I became stunned beyond belief! Off the cuff, I just happened to have asked what sort of ailments do the patients have, anyway.

OMG. He answers me by saying that for instance: in past couple of weeks, he had to do 3 internal exams on women who had discomfort, infections, problems, whatever.

WHAT?? MY KID IS NOW A  F’KING GYNECOLOGIST??? SINCE WHEN DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN??? HOW DOES HE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO INTERNAL EXAMS?? I could hardly beLIEVE what I was hearing.

You should have HEARD me after that announcement! SERIOUSLY. I piled on question after question, alright! My first question was: WAIT. ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU INSERT A  SPECULUM INTO WOMEN FOR AN EXAM?? To which he answers OF COURSE. To which I immediatlely said: HOW DO EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?? To which he said: I learned in P.A. School. By now, my head is spinning. I asked a hundred other questions about this, and he willingly answered them all, one by one. Throat exams. Okay. Body rashes. Okay. Nail fungus. Okay. Sinus infections. Okay. Prescribe drugs. Okay. Even vertigo. Okay. BUT INTERNAL EXAMS??? What the hell??  

I just can’t get over it. Sometimes I laugh at this newfound information. Sometimes I calmly process this info. But mostly… I FLIP OUT. It’s soooo not what I was expecting his having to do at urgent care. Man. Talk about being naive. I mean really. I would NEVER in a million years have figured he'd have to be THIS invasive with women but then again, I guess if she is in major discomfort and she can't get in right away to see a GYN then boom. My kid needs to help her out. And btw... I didn't even want to get into what he may need to do to help MEN in a critical situation. Don't ask. Oh... plus, he was telling me about how he has to deal with STDs the patients may have! Lordy, lordy, lordy. I can't even. In the meantime though…

My son is just so happy with his new job. He was telling me that this new position is exactly why he went to P.A. school. To be a part of medicine. Versus what orthopedics is about: which is more about bones and physiology. Hence, he is just sooo glad he made this move. And, I must admit… while I miss him alot, I’m am pretty damn proud of him.

Oh yeah. Not only does he love his hours, and salary hike, but he also loves his just built, brand new 2 bedroom loft! Now, that’s a bonus alright.







  



Monday, June 24, 2019

LONG TIME, NO BLOG

Dedicated to Laura: who has waited ever so patiently for me get my ass in gear. Finally.

Geez… talk about time flying when having fun. I mean, seriously… it’s been over a year since I’ve last posted and why it’s taken so long, I have no clue. Other than I just didn’t feel like doing it. Or… maybe I was just too busy watching my bustline getting way too close to my waistline. A great gift from the aging process, btw. Or maybe as I age, I'm just getting way too boring, even for myself. In any case…

A year goes by and then I think: Okay. Here I am, having turned 71 just a month ago, so what the hell. I might as well add an entry. I mean really. Just how lazy can one woman be?? Which means… those like Laura, and a whole bunch of my faithful readers, can rest easy. HERE I AM. Hallef'ingluyah.

Which is kinda good news for you, given many folks have written saying: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, ANYWAY?? Actually… Laura called, but it’s nice to be missed, regardless.

Well… wait no more. Yippee, yippee. Am happy to report all is great despite my being another year older. The first thing that comes to mind to tell you about, is the fact my main doctor… my internist… decided to fire me as her patient after about 6 years together. WTF???

F. HER is all I can say.

Who the hell fires a patient, especially one as cooperative as me?? I mean it… I’ve been with that practice for over 18 years and then all of a sudden I get fired?? Jesus. This doctor can rot in hell for all I care.

I should have gotten the gist of things when my original doctor at this practice, and then 3 more doctors after her, eventually left the practice altogether. Jesus. I so hate this last lady, now.

Turns out, unbeknownst to me, last month I had a bad urinary infection. Plus, I could hardly breathe, to boot. I was even admitted to the hospital and naturally, after I was all spiffy again, I was told to then follow up with my primary doctor. My internist. Which I did, about a week later.

That’s when the Witch Doctor basically got really annoyed with me because I had asked that we do a follow up urine test to be sure the infection was indeed gone. Reasonable enough request, right?? Apparently not.

The doctor got all hot and bothered over my suggesting such a test to which I told her… uh, how ELSE will we know I’m completely okay? I didn’t even have symptoms in the first place, alerting me to said infection, so how the hell will we know it is in fact gone if we don’t retest? What an asshole.

It finally got to the point where the doctor literally started walking out of the examining room and I was forced to say: HEY. TIME OUT. I’M STILL SPEAKING TO YOU. To which the medical bitch says:

I’ve DO have OTHER patients to see, you know.

I was pretty shocked, to say the least and all I could think of to say was: OKAY. YOU WIN. And bingo. She walked out, leaving me to find my way out to the check out desk.

GO TO HELL YOU F’ING DOCTOR. I HATE YOUR GUTS AND HOPE YOU DROP DEAD AND GO TO HELL. Come  to find out btw… about 35 other people have also left this office in the past 18 months, let's say. What a surprise, right?

So anyway… the very next day after this bullshit encounter with the damn doctor, I get a call from her office manager. UH… I’M CALLING YOU TO SAY THAT DR. SO AND SO DECIDED YOU’RE NOT A GOOD FIT AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. Huh??? After years and years?? Is she nuts?? Besides, WHAT other doctor?? The manager suggested I try someone else in the practice and I simply told her: THANKS, BUT NO THANKS. Code for: F you too, office manager. 

I was done. Of course I was also now without an internist and a way to have my scripts written.

Man… I never heard of such a thing!! Seriously… they can all go to hell as far as I am concerned. That’s the good news. The bad news is: you have any idea how hard it is to find a really good internist in this city?? Can’t possibly happen without pulling all sorts of strings. Which luckily, I was able to do. (I love knowing people in high places) So basically it all boils down to: on June 10th I consulted with a new physician, one whom everyone I’ve spoken to, absolutely adores. Granted, she’s about 25 mins. from me, but I can totally see she’s worth the trip.

Getting this new doctor was kinda tricky, btw. She doesn’t normally take on new patients and her desk is FILLED with new patient requests. Yet somehow, yippee. I was able to make the cut and set up an appointment and now, I can happily report the new internist is everything my last one wasn't. Well... unless she takes my Ativan prescription away from me, that is. I will choose to live without blood pressure pills if I have to, or even diabetic pills. But Ativan? Absolutely no way. 

I’m still sort of stunned that I’ve been kicked out of using the old doctor. I swear… I’d been nothing but an exemplary patient. My visits were short and sweet, I was always polite and patient, and once I got all my scripts, I was good to go for the next 3 months. Wow. I guess the lady has this crazy ass attitude about follow up urine tests or something. 

Oh yeah… I forgot to mention: the week before I was hospitalized, I was doing email with this idiot, and she kept telling me she had electronically sent a script to my pharmacist. She said this 3 times and 3 times I told her the pharmacy never got it. That was another argument altogether. Finally I said… I’m not questioning your not having sent the prescription, I’m merely telling you they never got it, despite your 3 attempts. Thus… CALL IT IN ALREADY, DAMNIT. Okay. That last sentence I didn't actually verbalize but doesn't matter. 

You can well imagine how long I dwelt on this latest little experience. And, how often I repeated the story, to make sure everyone I know, learns to hate this witch as much as I do. So far I have to happily admit… I’ve a done pretty damn good job in smearing her name all over the place. Yay me! Now…

On a much happier note let me just say that YIPPEE, I had a wonderful 71st birthday celebration! Friends and I gathered for a delicious brunch, which is totally one of my favorite meals. Especially since it was an upscale buffet which, despite all the germs people probably cough and sneeze all over the fancy food displays, is still my favorite way to down a meal. I totally love looking at a whole bunch of hot and cold entrees and then choosing some of all that I love to eat. I feel like King Henry VIII, feasting on hordes of specialties.

Oh… and by the way… I am pretty much officially now looking like a total old lady. Ugh. I mean it. That youthful glow I had for years and years is SO gone. Don’t believe me?? Here’s the proof:  



Make up and pretty clothing are just not doing their job like they used to, damnit. On the other hand, thanks to Publix FINALLY opening up here in town, I was able to serve a fantastic birthday sheet cake! First time in 16 years! 





Sunday, July 29, 2018

INDEED... IT HAPPENED


Dedicated to: Gail, who through a stroke of luck, happened  upon my blog and had such kind words to send my way. So happy you accidently discovered Living As Linda. And… had a chuckle or two while visiting.

So low and behold the big day has indeed now come and gone. The day I turned 70 years old.

Turns out it was a wonderful day, as was the big celebration a few days before. Am so telling you… a sure way to overcome the shock of becoming way old is to totally have a bunch of your favorite folks at a happy bash and bingo. Next thing you know, the disturbing realization of being much closer to The End is suddenly soothed by celebrating with family and friends.

For believe you me… turning 70 is a milestone, for sure. Besides, who even knows whether or not I’ll even be around for 75 so what the hell. Celebrate now. Serioulsy… know just how many people never even SEE 70?? I have too many friends who didn’t and don’t even get me started on celebrities, etc. who not only kicked the bucket before hand but more importantly… suffered from ill health. Uh… apparently my addiction to Diet Coke and a high carb diet has paid off pretty well up to this point. From here on in, who the hell cares whether or not I hold out to 75. Life has been pretty damn good to me and I’ve enjoyed the ride, plenty. Thus shed no tears if I happen to meet my Maker before 75. I’ve lived what I affectionately call a “lifetime” already, thank goodness. So what could be bad?


Besides… becoming 80??? OMG. I don’t even want to think of my physical condition by then. For I see no glory whatsoever in not knowing what the hell day it is or not being able to drive or God forbid… being in pain. Nor is there any glory in living beyond the monies one may have to support a somewhat comfy life style. No bucks, no life, is the way I see it. Anyway…


Sure enough, I had a great party. There were about 44 of us gathered for a great evening of excellent food, excellent rock and roll, bebopping on the dance floor and naturally… enjoying some outstanding birthday cake. The weather was delightful after days and days of rain and plans for having coffee and cake out on the veranda, amongst the stunning NC mountains, worked out perfectly fine. Yippee. My guests and I had fun, for sure.

Oh yeah… in case you don’t know exactly what 70 looks like in 2018… boom. There you have it in the picture up above. Thanks btw, to the photographer, Nick, whom I hired to make sure the momentous occasion was captured for posterity. Yes… I know. Jane Fonda looked about 40 at her 70th birthday party, but basically SHE is a freak of nature. Not to mention: stunning. I on the other hand am neither but who gives a shit. Which reminds me... you've checked out Christie Brinkley lately?? SO not fair. Oh well.

All in all I have about 175 pictures and I must admit, everyone in them look like they had a terrific time. The tables and centerpieces all looked pretty festive and thus I was able to capture just the vibe for which I was hoping. It was simple: fun and feast.  Bingo. Mission accomplished.

And just to assure we got off to the right start, btw, I had guests being served champagne as they entered the party. My take is: no sense being bummed when you can so easily be buzzed. Kinda like: why take chances your shindig is a flop.

I must admit… I would have loved to have had my brother and parents at my party. They would never have believed that I was so happy to celebrate this occasion. Nor that I am so happy here in my beloved little town, let alone how glad I am to have my sister and sister in law living here, as well.

So basically, the bottom line is: YAY BIRTHDAYS! For all of you who can celebrate in a big way or small… celebrate indeed! Life is to be enjoyed and while they say it’s the little things in life that count, believe you me, bigger, happy bashes totally don’t hurt in the least.

Now of course, I’m off to begin my pre-prep for a colonoscopy I am having this week. The actual prep begins tomorrow. Don’t ask. Yet another sign of being 70. Not a great sign mind you, but a sign nonetheless. Speaking of which: Dear God. Please don’t let me shrink one iota this coming year. I could almost handle the colonoscopy better than I might a short stature.








Sunday, May 13, 2018

PURGING


No. I’m not bulimic. Though at times I totally think it’s an optimal way to keep my weight in check. Instead, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m in the throes of purging a zillion household items.

It all began about two months ago, knowing my 70th birthday was just around the corner. For some reason, THIS birthday, more than any other, has affected me far more than I’d have ever imagined. I mean seriously… it hit me that when you hit 70, you have totally entered into old age. When you hit 80, you’re CERtainly looking towards the other side of the grass. Anyway…

The major reaction to my birthday this year is to completely rid myself of 50% of everything in my house. I have SO many things I no longer need nor use. From my beautiful fancy china, to jewelry, to lingerie, to crystal wine glasses, to vases, to books, to DVDs, to linens, to almost any and every thing. I’ve got so much stunning crap, you’d never believe it. But stunning or not... the time has come to purge with a vengeance.

I started with my closet. And… I'm not even close to emptying it. There are 3 pretty decent sized closets in my house, my personal walk in closet definitely being the largest. Which actually is why I fell in love with house in the first place. I’ve also got 2 smaller closets and another 2 even smaller. In the meantime, I’ve already carted off 6 huge bags of stuff I’m  finally ready to part with and as we speak… I have 4 more bags sitting on my bedroom floor ready to head on out next week. I’m way far off from completing this task, too, considering the 10 bags I’ve filled is only from ONE side of my closet. Eeks.

Plus… I haven’t even tackled my drawers, the linen closet nor the other two closets of clothes, either. I’m telling you… this is a project that could take me well into my 71st birthday! But that’s okay because I truly have to say… it’s a fanTAStic feeling to be cleansing myself of all this beautiful, adored shit. You’d almost think I’d be so sad to rid myself of so many things I’ve enjoyed for so many years but actually… its like lifting so much weight off my shoulders. Talk about conspicous consumption!

Oh yeah… and I’ve got to eventually get to the garage, too. THAT will be like 4 projects rolled into one. It’s just that the time has come for all my crap to find a new home. To I hope, a really nice home. Actually, my kid should be really happy I’m doing all this because 1.) he probably doesn’t want any of these treasures, valuable or not and 2.) whatever I don’t get rid of now… he’ll have to do when I kick the bucket! Oh… get this… I even seriously considered getting rid of my house and downsizing! Then of course, I came to my senses. Although I did check out several condos, but I’m so not ready for that YET.

It’s just too bad I’m so lazy for were I to have a garage sale, I could rake in plenty! But even that is too overwhelming for me to even think about. Just tagging the items could take me weeks. Remember: I’m old now.

I’m basically way into the less is more mode right now and as I said… I’m pretty happy about it. My goal is to make my house look much like it did a week after I moved into it. Something here. Something there. Minimal accessories. Whoever said purging isn't healthy needs to think again. For me... it's cleansing as hell.   




Wednesday, May 2, 2018

AM SUCH A LAZY ASS

I know. It’s been AGES since I’ve added to this blog of mine... which many of you call fantastic, btw... and part of the delay has been due to my being so damn busy. Which is totally true; yet an even bigger part of it has been due to my simply being so damn lazy. So lazy in fact, that this is actually the very first entry I’ve added since the end of 2017. So much has been going on that frankly, I don’t even know where to start… let alone what I can even remember. The thought of creating all the posts I wish to upload is so overwhelming to me that… uh… I’m just way too lazy to even attempt it. Therefore…

I’m beginning to think that maybe the best way for me to catch up and remind myself of what I’ve been up to for the past six months is to merely do it by way of pictures. Now THERE’S a lazy-ass way of doing things, if ever there was. Of course I’m going to have to go check which picts I have and hopefully come up with a few that will bring us all up to date in the Land of Linda.

Naturally… the first item to note will be THE big event of 2018. And, no. I don’t mean Michael Cohen heading to the Big House, which of course I pray he will eventually share with the guy who’s now in the White House. Nor do I mean the wedding of Harry and Meghan which is a huge event if ever there was. 

No. I mean, instead, MY TURNING 70 YEARS OLD IN JUST OVER TWO WEEKS FROM NOW!! 

To me, this is THE major wonder of all that may happen in the coming year. I am just so floored over this, I can’t even tell you. Oh yeah… and as a side note… Harry’s marriage happens to occur on my very birthday but trust me, it goes without saying, MY event is way more monumental! Therefore…

I am going to start my picture blog with a shot of my birthday invitation. I loved every minute of creating it… and btw, you’d have thought I was creating the invite to Royal Wedding, but whatever. I eventually came up with something I liked and for all of you who didn’t get one specifically, it's a shame, for I must say, the evening is going to be totally excellent. Besides, like for all major events, I had to have SOME sort of a cut off point.



Granted… I could totally write an entire entry for any one of these photos but as I said, I’m too damn lazy. Anyway, up next is a shot for a friend of mine who decided to become a vegetarian. She even uploads a bunch of videos in which she tests vegan packaged snacks, in real time. Some are apparently pretty decent in the taste department while others totally suck. In her honor, I myself tried a vegetarian dinner one night and I must say it was deLICious. No wonder. Look what I made.



Speaking of food… I don’t know where I was but from the photo, I apparently had ordered breakfast. A damn good breakfast, I might add. Uh… and pretty filling. Again, no wonder. Check out my order which  is pretty much true to form although I must admit I never finish the entire meal. Well, except for this morning. Wow. Some hungry man meal, if ever there was.



So I was in Florida a couple of months ago and had a fantastic time. Most people take photos of all the activites they do and all the people they were with. Not me. I had to shoot a pair of boots I saw in Nordstrom’s which are way up my alley. Uh… minus the pricing. I’m thinking they were around $500 – $600 but now they’re on sale, priced at $300, so never say never. Except: unless I move to Hollywood, I think we’re safe to say never.



This photo is maybe my alltime favorite. I was still in Florida at the time and it’s of a man named Abe who soon became my buddy while I was out on the hotel’s patio, off the pool area. I was totally intrigued by him IMMEDIATELY. Namely because he never put his teeth into his mouth unless he was leaving the hotel. Soon enough he started chatting me up while on the patio each day and don’t ask what I learned about this 90 year old man! After being there for five days, I learned PLENTY. Including the fact he loved every outfit I had worn each day. Huh? He’s sizing up my clothing rather than checking out all the hot young ladies in their string bikinis?? Shows how off his thinking is as he gets really old. Oh yeah… his wife kicked the bucket a couple of years ago, so his daughter wanted him to check out some senior living facilities. You can now see why. He spent hours napping, which actually, is right up my alley. I can't beLIEVE how much this photo... which he had no clue I took... makes me laugh!



So one day recently I decided to make some eggs. I cracked three, thinking I’ll go with an omelet. I was STUNNED to find that I instead, was having five! I couldn’t believe it. Two of the eggs I cracked actually had twins! There were two with double yokes and frankly, I almost cringed at the thought of eating them. On the other hand, I was starved, so I lived on the edge and scrambled them anyway. Like what the hell are the odds of this ever happening??? 3 to 5 maybe???



This may be my favorite photo of all, one which I think I may actually have to frame. I was in Atlanta for a long weekend recently, and we were on the 18th floor. Which in turn gave me excellent views from the huge balcony off the bedroom. What I was most struck with was the building across the way, which was made of glass windows that were sort of all lined up, but catty-cornered to each other. So that basically, each corner was touching the one next to it but at an almost 45 degree angle. Granted, I was far from being able to check it out for size and/or degree verification, but the reflection from these windows, of all the buildings around it, gave it a fanTAStic, amazing architectural design. It totally blew my mind. I zoomed my lens way in, and bingo, this is what I was able to capture! I so deserve a photography award.



Ever go out to dinner, hoping you’ll be safe and sound from any criminal activity? Yeah, well I do too, which is why I was a little startled when I was dining at a downtown restaurant recently and lo and behold what do I see as soon as I walk in? A GANGSTER POINTING HIS GUN!! Seriously. Naturally, I fell in love with him immediately thus had to pose with this guy who I’ll just call Johnny the Thug. I also had to imagine, btw, this is SO not what I call great customer relations, but wtf. I took a picture with him nonetheless. I mean really… in this day and age, and especially my being so anti gun, talk about politically incorrect. A crazy photo op however, right??



I adore this next photo! Man… I simply HAD to laugh right out loud! So the deal is… Zebulon had gone outside to play in the backyard, which he does a zillion times a day, given he has free access to come and go as he pleases. This time however, apparently he went out just after my lawn had been mowed and voila'! I took one look at him when he came back in and grabbed my camera immediately!  Can you blame me?? He is just so adorable, you can't believe it. This is hilarious. Just LOOK at his paws!



Speaking of outside… SPRING IS HERE. Want proof?? Here. Take a look at the flowers you can see when walking downtown. Stunning! Unfortunately this flower remains in bloom for maybe two weeks?? Which is too bad, for it only means one thing: summer is here soon; a season I HATE.



And last but not least… ME AT 70! Also, me with the beginning of permanent wrinkles. EEKS. So not attractive but it is what it is. In the meantime I am, for the first time ever, having a mild meltdown at how old I am! It's amazing to me that I'm so freaked about beginning my 70s, mainly because I can not even IMAGINE reaching my 80s. Also because, you are officially OLD when you are in your 7th decade. I'm even beginning to purge all my worldly goods, unless they are absolutely exceptionally important to me. Even my treasured private biographical library of every member of the British Monarchy, starting with Queen Victoria, is on it's way out the door. Not to mention the purging of my closet, jewelry, DVDs, knick knacks, etc. etc.


  
So there you have it… my life from the past six months in a kind of photographic capsule. Now… if only it won’t take me another six months before I get back into the blogging groove, I’ll be a happy woman. More importantly YOU’LL be a happy reader. Unless of course this lazy ass way of life becomes a permanent life style for me, which is so probable, indeed! YEA! MY BIRTHDAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. Gulp.









Friday, November 24, 2017

THE CLEAN PLATE CLUB


See that picture up there? It’s what I feed Zebulon… my most adorable Havanese dog who frankly…  is good enough to eat , no pun intended. Who knew he’d turn out to be the cutest animal on earth??

Next week he will be a year old and I am so telling you. He is like THE perfect dog. Well.. except on the days he is a bastard dog but that’s only because he’s now old enough to begin“marking” his territory around the house and it will totally be the death of me. But whatever…

Zebulon is so beautiful, so happy, so smart, has such soft fur and is lucky as shit to have such a comfy home in which to live. Let alone to have such a wonderful lady of the house to care for him. Uh… that would be me, btw. What I love best about Zebulon is that he is on a perfect sleep schedule whereby he will sleep in his crate until I wake up… about 10:00 a.m. let’s say. I mean, seriously. This is WAY better than when my own kid was a baby! Plus… whenever I nap, I make the annoucement TIME FOR A NAP and boom. He heads to his crate and naps too.


In the meantime… this dog enjoys THE best meals on the planet. I mean it. He totally eats better than I do. And… he gulps down his meals in seconds flat, given it is as close to gourmet as he’s ever going to get. I’m actually borderline jealous.

For the first 8 months of his life, Zebulon ate some brand or other of really healthy dry dog food. And, he was pretty much thriving. Then about several weeks ago, I happened to pick up a couple of packs of some connoction of wet dog food made by Rachel Rae who by the way… I should only be so lucky as to have her cook for ME rather than for Zebulon. The dog food she makes is like major cuisine and the first time he tasted her food line, Zebulon went nuts with delight! Plus, theres no soy, wheat, corn, etc. etc. thus is supposedly major healthy for him.

It took mere minutes for Zebulon to down his entire food bowl and I was SHOCKED at the excitement this animal felt over his new food. Talk about night and day. He went from really enjoying his meals to: OMG. I’M IN DEFINITE DOG HEAVEN WITH EACH AND EVERY BITE OF THIS NEW DOG FOOD THE LADY OF THE HOUSE IS SERVING ME!

As well he should be! When you open a package of Rachel’s dog food, you can actually SEE that it’s made from real people-like food. Case in point: last night was Rustic Duck night and I was this far from wanting to heat it up for mySELF Seriously… the duck, brown rice and peas looked amazingly scrupmtious.  Way better than the stupid salad I was about to down. And oh yeah… I swear… Zebulon has definitely put on some pounds since beginning this cuisine! About 4 pounds I think and now I’m this far from putting him on a diet! Can you even imagine??

So the lineup basically is: chicken pot pie, beef stew, duck, lamb stew, and a couple of other fantastic choices. All have veggies in them, too. In each of the choices you see all real food and very little gravy thus you can tell right off the bat Zebulon is not being scammed by some company trying to put just a mouthful of beef in a boatload of gravy. I’m telling you… it’s real food! So basically… my dog’s life went from blessed to down right out of this world FABULOUS. Never once, btw, has he ever left a drop in his bowl.

I do have to also say… my sweet Zebulon is by far the most wonderful pet and I NEVER leave a pet store without buying him 4 new toys. I can’t help it. I see the displays and just KNOW he’d love chomping away on them. I even bought some cheapie outdoor play equipment for him, his favorite being this LONG nylon tunnel through which he loves to run a hundred mile per hour. It’s hilarious to watch. Anyway…

In closing, I readily admit I am filled with a huge amount of envy that my dog has a personal high profile chef making his meals and I DON’T! A chef is something I’ve always wanted, for sure. Well, that and a Lady in Waiting. I’m way into personal service and apparently so is Zebulon. His plate is always as clean as a whistle and basically so is mine. Except he’s eating gourmet and uh… I’m not.







Monday, November 6, 2017

ANOTHER SENIOR MOMENT

It was over a year ago that I wrote about my unhappy discovery that I apparently shrunk in height. I was at the doctor’s and much to my chagrin they ALways make me get on the scale, afterwhich they then take my height measurement.

Yes, I had lost weight, but believe me, that did nothing to make me smile about my height being an inch shorter. I remember well how I was TOTally freaked that day. Talk about getting old but FAST. It definitely startled my psyche, proving once again I’m a bona fide senior citizen. EEEKS.

Well guess what. IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

Only this time, it occured while I was in the shoe department of Stein Mart. And… I was as heartsick upon my discovery as I was during the original height discovery. Man. My years are SO so numbered. Regardlless…

There I was, happily browsing Stein Mart, finally making my way to the shoe department. I had to. They were having a sale whereby you could buy one pair of shoes and get 50% off any other pair; an offer I usually don’t fall for, btw. I find it retail offensive given they are basically trying to scam you into spending even more money than you really intended. But whatever.

Turns out this time however, I really DID find two pairs of shoes I wanted so basically, it wound up being a good thing afterall. What wasn’t so good was…

In both cases I selected my normal shoe size. I tried them on and then walked around a moment to test things out. It was then that I thought to myself… hmmm… these are a bit roomy, so I think maybe I should go down a size. Boom I tried on one size smaller and again… a bit too roomy. At this point, I didn’t think too much about it given different manufactures often have different fits. Finally I found a size that fit perfectly. A full size smaller, I might add.

It was when I got to the SECond pair of shoes, and found them ALso too roomy that I began to  become very unsettled. Then it hit me.

OMG. IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN. I’M SHRINKING. I’M BECOMING WAY TOO OLD. SIGNALS ARE COMING AT ME FROM ALL OVER THE PLACE! NOW EVEN MY FEET ARE BECOMING OLD LADY-ISH!!

I am just so shocked at all the signs pointing to my being a full fledged senior citizen. Not even that, actually. A full fledged old lady with only mere years left on the planet! OMG. This is just so disheartening.

Okay. So at 40 I needed glasses. At 50 I needed a list for almost everything. At 60 I needed blood pressure medicine. Now at 70??? I’m fucking losing inches!!  Not to mention the sagging breasts, bullshit thighs, forgetting what I was looking for… and everything in between. Oh man. This is so not a pretty picture.

I will say however, that in spite of my horror, a good thing did come out of it all. I DID wind up with two pairs of beautiful shoes. Granted... shoes way smaller than I've ever worn since high school. Here… check it out for yourself. I happen to love both and they are way comfortable, too. The second pair are not usually my favorite, with the scallops and all, but as it happens… on the foot, it looks really pretty.


Oh yeah… I think I’ll order these online, too. Totally stunning. Afterall, in my book, no one can ever have too many black shoes. Especially not in my closet. 


In closing, I do have to say that a really good thing occurred last week. I had a mammogram and bone density exam and I am thrilled that my bones are pretty much in as good a shape as they were 10 years ago. Apparently, in SPIte of my shrinkage. I guess I can live with all this, certainly because thank GOD my health at large seems to be holding it’s own and is in kinda tip top shape. So far, anyway. BUT….


If too many other things begin to happen as I approach 70, I’ll so not be happy. It’s when I can’t drive anymore, hear anymore or walk any more… THAT’S when I will be closer and closer to considering my planned little end of life cocktail. On the other hand… I’ll have really spiffy looking shoes to wear when headed over to the other side. Which is more important than you might think.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

BEING TALENTED


They say that all of us are born with talents. Some spectacular. Some way, way less so. I totally fall into the second category.

Some people THINK I have talent, but that’s so not true. MAYbe I'm gifted in an area or two, but frankly, what it probably all boils down to is: I just have  chutzpa. I atTEMPT to do great masterpieces, but trust me. Nothing ever comes close. 

Granted... people often tell me that some of my projects are pretty damn outstanding, but in reality, they’re not. It’s just that I at least try. If it works, excellent. If not… no big deal. I throw it out. But even my best results are nothing more than below average.

I will admit however: some of my knitting projects are pretty damn good. Only occasionally, some of my paintings are okay. My photography is probably better than most of my other projects. Even this blog is nothing more than stupid chit chat. Turns out I can create ideas, but executing them isn’t all that remarkable. On the other hand…

I will say I have a DEFinite talent for being able to nap almost anytime, anywhere. This is  probably my favorite accomplishment for there ARE people who say they can NEVer sleep during the day. I so feel sorry for them. An hour’s nap is nature’s best all time luxury, if you ask me.

My other definite talent… are you sitting down??…  is that I can literally eat a 16 ounce steak without even batting an eyelash!  I know, It’s nothing to brag about but, seriously… it’s something I can do that most people can’t and I USUALLY don’t feel all that full afterwards. Talk about being a committed carnivore! And a gifted one at that.

Yet eating a pound of meat is exactly what I did tonight. Not all that long ago, either. And... the kicker is: if you asked me to go take a walk all around the neighborhood moments after I finished, I could probably do it with no problem at all. If I had had a pound of pasta however, I’d be a basket case. If I had even a small amount of ice cream… I’d have to bypass the walk altogether for in no time, I’d have to hit the ladies’ room. Regardless…

I do have to say that I LOVE a good steak. I always have. My sister for instance, served her family chicken 6 nights out of 7. I served mine SOME sort of meat. I never served them fish. Although could I have been able to afford it, I’d have made Florida lobster tails every meal of the day, every day of the week. Case in point…

When my Mother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 83, I distinctly remember bringing her home from the doctor’s, telling my Dad about the office visit and then on the way home… stopping at my local seafood market and buying 3 pounds of lobster tails just to ease my ache. Which naturally, once I got home, I downed EASILY. But whatever.

I guess boasting about my tremendous appetite isn’t neccessarily a good thing. But it IS an amazing talent of mine, so I might as well own it. And oh yeah…

Those fancy schmancy restaurants where they serve you an entree’ that is so small, it really belongs on a mere salad plate?? I totally hate that. The chefs are definitely trying to pass off a child’s portion as haute cuisine and I resent them for doing so. Besides… I love a Whopper with cheese just as much as I love Beef Wellington. Anyway…

Of the many times my friends and/or family may have seen me down a huge portion of steak or even seen me take a nap at the drop of a hat, never once did any of them tell me how tremendously gifted I am. But what do they know? For rest assured… I consider these two items right smack on the top five of my list of true talents. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you the other three.

Well... except for the one whereby I can babble on and on and on about absolutely nothing of import. Now THAT'S a talent alright. I could NEVER do a 1000 piece puzzle. Nor could I even create a drop dead fantastic Halloween costume. But... eat three times more than most women? Boom. That I have down pat.



Monday, October 23, 2017

STAYIN' ALIVE


Given I’ll be 70 years old in about 7 months, I figured it would behoove me to do SOMEthing in the name of health and fitness. Boom. To help me stay alive, I broke down and joined Planet Fitness about 6 months ago.

It’s acually a pretty popular place.  A kinda cool place, too. Naturally I would never consider getting up early in the morning when the hordes of other people go, given I’m still in bed, snoozing and probably in the throes of some sort of a dream. Instead…

I like going anywhere between 5 and 7 in the evening let’s say, when yes, there are lots of people, but it’s not overwhelming at all. Which works out pretty well because this place is HUGE.

With zillions of all kinds of work out machines, I might add. I mean ZILLIONS. Plus… there are alot of different work out areas depending on what type of workout you want.  Weights, muscle building circuits, ellipicals, treadmills, etc. etc.

Me… I take the lazy way out. I find a perfect little spot tucked away in one of the side areas and lay my yoga mat down for about a 40 minute stretching session. Then I go on the treadmill for about 20 more minutes. Plus… I love never having to miss out on my addiction to political news shows since there are hordes of TVs at most workout stations. I pop on my earphones… catch the latest updates and discussions and bingo. I’m excercising up the kazoo while also feeding my need to know.

It’s also kinda neat because after your workout, if you fell for the higher priced membership, which naturally I did, you can go to the special relaxation rooms. As in: a water massage bed, a tanning room, a massage chair, etc. Plus… it’s open 24 hours a day which is a major bonus for me. Of course I totally miss  out on the Pizza Mondays and Bagel Tuesdays since that is served pretty much before noon but whatever. In the meantime…

For a couple of weeks this past summer I went with my out of town guest to Planet Fitness, who by the way, gets to accompany me for free use of the gym as often as we’d like. It’s a pretty good set up, actually. Totally like 2 for the price of 1. In the meantime… of all the excellent features this gym offers what REALLY stunned my friend most of all was: uh… the picture up above. THE KEY BOARD. Not for the computer but rather… car keys. Locker keys. House keys. ANY kind of keys.

The bottom of this board is about 3 1/2 feet up from the floor and is huge. It probably goes up another 2 feet to the top. Which means: it’s also a definite haven for anyone wanting to steal your car. Or enter your house. Or whatever. 

Except for one thing:  NO ONE EVER EVER EVER DOES.

In fact my set of keys are right up there… right at the inner bend of the middle finger. I don’t know… I guess I have about 4 keys and 3 grocery store scanning cards on my ring. ANYone could have access to my entire life. Except: they apparently could care less about me or my keys.

Talk about trusting your neighbors!!! Granted… it’s a major gamble, sort of like a theft just waiting to happen, but in my little town? Man… if I can’t trust my fellow workout folks here, then I can’t trust them anywhere. My friend was aMAZed at my trust. And eveyone else’s trust, too! They were simply astonished that every car in the gigantic parking lot wasn’t being driven away, one by one, by the minute!

And yes. I do have to admit it’s pretty stunning to me too, that crime at this place is basically non-existent. Well… I don’t know for SURE, but it’s definitely pretty safe compared to large ass cities. But to my friend?? Whoa. They thought this trust in each others’ key rings was by far the most astounding occurrence since Americans landed on the moon! For this sort of decency would NEVer occur in their home city.

Which of course why I so love where I live. Drop a wallet somewhere? Boom. You’ve got an 89% chance that you’ll get a call from someone saying HEY. GUESS WHAT? I FOUND YOUR WALLET IN A PARKING LOT! I should know… it totally happened to me. In the meantime… working out at a gym is always a good thing. Working out in a gym where you can trust strangers? That’s a BETter thing.