Monday, September 26, 2016


Eeeks. Tonight is going to be some showdown alright. Frankly... I can't even imagine how it's all going to play out and yes. I'm talking about tonight's first Presidential debate, of course.

My first instinct is to say that Hilary, far more brilliant and far more experienced, is totally going to take down Trump like we've never before seen. I mean Jesus... almost no one on the planet is better prepared for this debate and/or job than she. On the other hand... man, is she ever blah and boring in the delivery of her message. Talk about uninspiring. 

Plus... I am definitely one of those who question her ethics regarding her email bullshit and years of others issues. Hence, Hillary is by no means a lily white candidate in the least. Besides... her hair style sooo sucks, particularly on just regular week days when no one is prepping her look. GET A MUCH SHORTER HAIR CUT FOR PETE'S SAKE. One that can actually make her look modern yet completely able to be blown out in three minutes flat. Granted, I'm no professional but jeez... there are zillions of becoming looks for her if only she'd back away from what I call her Granny Cut. Just saying.

My second instinct is to say that Trump is so way out of his league. He has no clue what it's like to intelligently go one on one for 90 minutes, and specifically being able to address world events. Unless maybe there is a Trump Hotel in a particular country. Donald a Statesman?? So not happening. Yet if he can bring himself to be anywhere near a normal, clear headed debater and fluster the hell out of Hillary, he just may exceed all expectations and bingo. He could, just maybe, come off as having some semblance of decency and knowledge. It'll be a major stretch alright, but never say never.

I am betting on Hillary taking the night, but unfortunately I can't be completely sure. Damnit. I'm already in MAjor shock that Trump's numbers are as high as they presently are. Wholly a neck in neck race. How can this BE? Who in their right mind would have EVER thought he'd get to where he is, anyway??? I'm continuing to be nothing short of astounded at the stupidity of the American voters. Then again... all I have to do is look back to George W. as well as even Mitt. OMG. Those two made me sick to my stomach every time I saw their face.

In the meantime, I actually know personally several people who see Trump as a great candidate to lead our country forward. WHAT?? ARE THEY NUTS?? I just can't believe it! People who are college educated, have a brain in their head and who otherwise make admirable choices in living their lives. WTF are they thinking?? A year ago I'd be thrilled to sit down and make an argument for what a sick choice they are considering, yet NOW?? I won't even waste my breath. Their voting for Trump speaks volumes to me and I am still considering knocking them off my list of acceptable friends. How can I possibly hang out with someone whose voting IQ I don't respect? THEY'RE PROVING THEMSELVES TO BE IDIOTS. I know... I'm just so tolerant, right?? 

I suspect my stomach is all queasy and whatnot because apparently... all Donald has to do is: 1.) show up 2.) not bully 3.) use decent manners and 4.) tell no lies. The bar is just so low that if he can last the entire 90 minutes following these four simple items, boom. He'll be considered a winner and thus fit to become President. Can you even imagine??

I'll tell you one thing... I HATE KELLYANNE. She is totally great and exceptionally experienced but once she came on board, I immediately had to hate her. Why?? Because SHE F'ING SAVED TRUMP'S ASS AND/OR CAMPAIGN, BIG TIME. I was heartsick over this almost the moment I heard she was on board! She astonishingly shaped him into an almost normal human being, no matter how temporarily.

Had there been no KellyAnne, I am convinced Trump would STILL be so damn obnoxious he would have no chance whatsoever. But NOW?? With her having comPLETEly reined in Donald, including having him read all his speeches from a teleprompter, oh man. He so moved way up in the polls 1-2-3 and I'm major sick about it. Wow. Talk about knowing her business, alright. Damnit. 


And... uh... apparently he became her slave in no time at all.

Which means: I'll be GLUED to my television tonight along with the other 100 million folks, probably with my Ativan in hand. Because I have this very sinking feeling Trump will be perfectly fine in his performance... regardless of whether or not he knows what the hell he's talking about. I am also a bit nerved because I pretty much feel the headlines tomorrow could basically be: TRUMP PULLED IT OFF! HIS NUMBERS MOVE HIGHER. Jesus Christ. Shoot me now. 

And, if you ask me... this will all come down to KellyAnne having done her job magnificently. So much so, I now can't help but wonder how close she'll come to being in Donald's Cabinet. Oh God. This so isn't going to be good. Thus in closing...

My final words to Hillary before tonight's debate are simple: PLEASE DON'T BORE ME. Have some umph to your message. Include some humor. Some inspiration. Some EXCITEMENT for God's sake. Yes... I know. You have every fact on every front and you totally deserve to grab the limelight from Trump. Include some PERSONALITY, woman! And oh yeah... bring just a wee tad of sex appeal, even. Especially if it turns out Mark Cuban IS sitting in the front row. It so can't hurt.  


Friday, September 9, 2016


So guess who's back. Hint: my very own flesh and blood.

Yessiree. My kid is here at home and to tell you the truth, I am tickled pink. In my book... thank GOD he is out of Florida, which as you know hosts my most hated weather ever. Thus to say I am thrilled is putting it mildly. It's been almost a month now and for a multitude of reasons, I couldn't be happier. Not to mention when there was a recent possibility of Hurricane Hermine hitting southeastern part of the country. 


As soon as I opened the door when he first got here, I covered my face and said: TIME OUT. UH... DID YOU BRING THE ZIKA VIRUS?? One thing I hate more than the heat in Florida is deadly diseases in Florida. Thankfully I was immediately assured no virus followed him up here. The next thing I said before allowing him to enter was: DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU WILL ONLY BE ALLOWED TWO CHOICES OF SALAD DRESSINGS IN THE PANTRY AT ANY GIVEN TIME, RATHER THAN YOUR PREFERENCE OF SEVEN? Yippee. Again I was assured. Somewhere along the line of my 5 most important questions was assurance about not freezing me to death with the low thermostat settings... and a couple of other items, too. Bingo.

As soon as all answers were to my liking... yippee. I let my kid in the door and gave him and a big hug and a kiss and voila'. We were on the same page, ready to go. I kinda felt like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory who ALWAYS as a zillion pages of agreement documents whenever interacting with anyone on the planet. I on the other hand, was willing to opt for mere oral agreements which I surely hope will prove to be perfectly adequate. In the meantime...

I have always enjoyed being with my kid. Thus having him here is wonderful. He's funny as hell. He's pretty cooperative and very helpful in the muscles department, too. Besides... he's as particular as I am about alot of things, so I can pretty much deal with whatever idiotic quirks he may have given he comes by them pretty honestly. 

He totally made me laugh right out loud earlier today when he told me I really should simply direct the Coca Cola Company to instruct their delivery trucks to include a stop right here at home, rather than at my local grocery store. He decided I could completely cut out the middle man and yet have my weekly supply of Diet Cokes brought right smack to the house. Uh... I'm thinking he feels I drink way too much of the chemicals but too bad. I'm addicted to the crap and have been for years, with no apologies whatsoever. On the other hand... he is soooo onto something regarding a door to door delivery system. If only.

But enough about me being glad my son is such good company. 

What I really love is how he's so brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was an excellent student and has two degrees but who cares. What I love MOST is how he knows every techie trick known to man. Despite his being a total Apple kinda guy vs. my being a devoted Windows and/or Android user. Regardless... I swear to God. On the second day my kid was here he taught me THE best trick known to man and I am forever a changed woman. Granted... the rest of the world has been doing this for years, but I of course had no CLUE. Turns out...

I needed to run to the bank to deposit a check.... a chore I abhor to the nth degree. Also a chore I often put off for weeks on end. So, I grabbed the check sitting on the kitchen counter, grabbed my purse and told him I was off to go make the deposit at the bank. STOP RIGHT THERE he said and the next thing I know, he told me I never again ever have to go to the bank for deposits!

WHAT?? ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? Within 6 minutes he downloaded the bank's app onto my phone, signed me into my account, took a picture of the front and back of the check and whammo. Clicked OKAY. Before I could even say Wells Fargo... BINGO. MY CHECK WAS DEPOSITED RIGHT SMACK INTO MY ACCOUNT AND I DIDN'T EVEN AS MUCH HAVE TO PUT DOWN MY BELOVED GLASS OF DIET COKE. Omg. You have NO idea what a revelation this was to me let alone a sheer miracle!! I was delighted beyond belief.

Pretty much as delighted as I was when two days ago my iPad decided to F me over but good. True... it was totally my own fault given I am old and God only knows why... but I kept entering the wrong pass code for the tablet over and over again. Huh?? I do this code every single day of my life so why all of a sudden was it not recognizing it??? I was crazed. Which is a nice way of saying I myself am the crazy one. Apparently I was entering a code alright, just absolutely not the correct one! Duh. What an f'ing idiot I am. 4 milion times I entered 1234 let's say but two days ago I decided to enter 4321. Jesus. Talk about being this far from the funny farm. Anyway...

Although my son kept asking me if I was using the correct digits, and I naturally kept saying OF COURSE, I eventually entered the wrong code so many times, Apple decided to erase me off the face of the earth and disabled me forever. Don't ask. Lickety split he logged onto iTunes, did some bullshit stuff and FINALLY I realized my big mistake. He got me back on the next day and in spite of his having had to wipe clean the tablet, he was able to recover all my original apps in my original sequence. The cloud bit wasn't going to help at first, but somehow he got everything recovered and once again... I AM NOW SMILING UP THE KAZOO. Which is so why I love young people. They actually KNOW how to fix things.

Then, last night he showed me how to watch all the saved programs from the download list on my DVR right smack on my iPad! I was stunned!! But better than that almost... he also showed me how I can finally actually HEAR my Kindle Fire read to me at a blaring volume if I want, by using a wireless waterproof Blutooth speaker that is no bigger than the palm of my hand. You can see it right there, up above. Holy shit. THIS IS A LIFE SAVER TO SAY THE VERY LEAST! 

Which is why I immediately ran to Amazon to order one and can hardly wait for tomorrow's delivery. I AM JUMPING FOR JOY with anticipation! It will play movies, games, etc. on the Fire loudly for me AND it will sync beautifully to my iPad for the same, should I choose. PLUS... get this... I can even bring it into the shower and then for SURE I'll never miss a rootin' tootin' thing.

The last thing I've discovered is something I've needed for years, probably. Turns out I open a million cans of Diet Coke a day. Not because I drink them all, but rather because I only drink them while they are cold. So if a can lasts me over an hour let's say, I still have to empty it all out because the cola has become too damn warm for my liking. Granted I COULD put it in a glass of ice, but I like the can better. HOWEVER... I now have this amazing invention of a stainless steel tumbler that you fill with ice and your liquid of choice and WHAM CITY. Your drink stays cold without the ice melting for at LEAST 8 hours!!! Can you even imagine?? 

Oh man. Talk about why I'm pretty thrilled my son is back! It's almost as if sure... I'm glad to see him alright, but way more... I'm glad to see him to up my game on all things tech. Well... that and the fact he IS afterall, my flesh and blood. 

By the way my darling A. I finished my very last handful last night. Lasted just shy of a month!! 


I love that most  people go on a little vacation and probably take wonderful little pictures of sunsets, stunning architectural buildings or even some posing in front of major tourist attractions. I've done that a zillion times in my life of travels. But what I love most are the sorts of pictures I took when I was in Florida recently. Granted... I took plenty of playful picts of family and friends but my most favorites are those that capture scenes not ordinarily shot by others.

Take this for example: my most delightful place to shop, ever. Goodbye Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor, even Saks. Enter: THIS store. A store filled with excellent taste, mile wide aisles, outstanding sales help and plenty of trending fashions.

I know. One rarely spends time taking shots of a department store signage but when you live in a baby town like mine, where the Super WalMart is a key draw, one becomes so accustomed to bullshit shopping that it boggles the mind. Comparing our Belks to this Nordstrom for instance, is like comparing rubber made thong sandals to 5 inch Jimmy Choo high heels. Man. Don't even ask. 

I've become so used to crappy shopping choices here that it then becomes practically a major enlightenment when I step foot into a REAL department store. Totally pleasurable, btw. In the meantime...

This is a perfect example. One that makes me want to choke, but whatever. Get a load of this mannequin. I was so AGHAST at it that I just had to take it's picture. Check it out.

Uh... anything look a little bit off base to you? Are you kidding me??? I swear to God... this mannequin is no wider than a toothpick!! Seriously. I look at this and all I see is: malnutrition!! An absolute size 0. I can not beLIEVE people are this size which btw, I totally call the Auschwitz Gas Chamber Look. So not a pretty sight let alone an upscale sizing choice. Wow. Gives a whole new meaning to long and lean if you ask me. 

Of course I myself would kill... no pun intended... to actually be a size close to this mannequin's although I must say... a size 4 or 6 would be a much better choice. Those numbers would then at least be bumped up to a Detention Camp Look which is basically nothing to strive for, either. In any case, turns out I totally don't need to worry given my Plus Size look is pretty much here to stay. Damnit.

So another shot of my trip is Florida is maybe my favorite of them all. I was just outside the entrance door to Nordtrom's and what do I see but THIS. Talk about a chuckle of the century!

Does the landscaper not SEE this as he does his pruning?? OMG. Talk about a crazy ass welcome mat let alone a whole new meaning of fiber optics. One look at this plant and boom. Forget about palm trees. Just think: palm aROUND it! 

I just HAD to snap a shot right then and there. Who could blame me? Like just how often do I come across a garden such as this? With a cutting like this, I'd almost have to render this store Xrated. Except uh... this plant is totally UNcut, so to speak. And speaking of landscaping...

This last shot is one taken right smack outside the front door of my hotel. I was completely intrigued by the juxtaposition of the light and dark and loved looking at it every night. Finally, by the 5th night, I caved and took a picture of it. My photography teacher from long, long ago would give me an A+ lickety split.

Better yet... I'd get an A on the final exam for this next one, given so many really dedicated photographers adore black and whites. I myself however and totally into color but so be it. Kinda interesting however, right??

Which brings me right back to my glorious shopping adventures. Including DSW by the way, which was a MAjor treat. I just can't believe how thrilling it was to have been in a REAL department store once again. Granted... I could go to Asheville and definitely find a MAC counter. I could even find a Chico's or Talbot's. But finding a truly beautiful department store is a complete challenge, for sure. I sort felt like the women of London when to their utter delight, the very first Selfridge's Department Store opened back in the early 1900s. Now THIS is what I call a store!

Man. Talk about a shopping experience, alright. Waay up my alley. Between this and Harrods... a store in which I have indeed shopped, btw... and bingo. You've got heaven right smack here on earth. Let alone a photographer's Garden of Eden. 



I am totally into breathing well. Which is why six months ago, I made an appointment with my pulmonary doctor for a check up to be sure all is hunkee doree. 

The original appointment could only be made for three months out, but later I had to change it, which took aNOTHer three months before he could see me; thus the six month time frame. Don't ask. It's totally nuts, but whatever.

The problem actually began when my real pulmonologist decided to retire. Which I was really sad to hear, trust me. And... it had been more than three years since I had seen her therefore I was now considered a new patient. Huh?? Are you kidding me? Don't even ask. I basically had to jump through all sorts of hoops to then get back into the office system. Jesus. Talk about crazy. However... yippee. I finally did wind up with an appointment and this morning was the day.

Mind you... I had to set my alarm clock for 8:30 which was no treat but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So off to the new doctor I went. It turned out to be a pretty painless visit. They did take a chest x-ray which was my main reason for going. I wanted to be sure I wasn't developing some sort of horrible, deadly disease about which I had no clue. That turned out to be pretty good thank God. They also took a reading of my pulse and oxygen intake which also turned out pretty good. However...

I'm apparently now at an age where they offer some sort of low dose cat scan tests for senior citizens which are done at the hospital but must first be approved by my insurance. It supposedly lets the doctor see way more clearly that which may not be detected by a mere x-ray, so it made perfect sense to now get a base line image. Plus there's some other breathing tests to be done in the office but at this point I can't even remember what the hell those are. In the meantime.... it almost took me longer to schedule these new bullshit tests than it was to actually visit with the doctor himself. And Kateria... the lady who does the scheduling... was borderline dumbass if you ask me.

Seriously... I was this far from jumping over the counter to grab a look at her computer so I could see for myself just what appointments were available on dates in which I was interested. Talk about s-l-o-w. And we all know how I feel about the concept of waiting patiently, right? Man. One good thing I will say however...

FINALLY all the doctor's offices in my town have indeed updated their new computer systems so that they can all go through the main hospital here to grab all your medical information in one central place. Thus I didn't need to fill out pages and pages of new intake forms. THANK GOD FOR SMALL FAVORS is all I can say. You have no idea how short staffed all the offices were during this data entry process btw, while assistants galore were all working on entering the info for all the patients from the individual medical offices. It was a nightmare for them, alright. Turns out I too, had a nightmare moment, btw and I'm pretty much freaked.

Apparently, once again, I'm now officially old and I'm not pleased about this at all. Okay. I'll deal with senior moments of forgetting why the hell I entered a room looking for only God knows what. I'll even deal with the fact I need to go to the bathroom a zillion times a day or maybe bruising my arms so easily from blood thinners.

BUT.... having to deal with the fact that I'm getting shorter???

OH MY GOD. PLEASSSSE DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN. Although apparently it is happening given they took my height measurement during this doctor's visit and I was horrified. I was this far from making them measure me again, but was way too afraid the second time would render me even shorter than the first go round. This is the first time in my life I'd happily jump onto the scale for weight rather than stand up against a wall to check out my height. THIS IS SO NOT GOOD. 

I mean really... when you begin to see old people shrinking in stature then you can pretty much be SURE they are so way into the winter of their lives. Talk about unsettling, let alone depressing. I can't even believe it. I walked down the office hallway repeatedly asking: WAIT. I'M GETTING SHORTER?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I'M SHORT?? HOLY SHIT. Granted... I was no statuesque sort of woman to begin with but seriously??? I'M NOW GETTING EVEN SHORTER?? This news is plaguing me but good.

Forget about disease doing in my breathing. This new bit of new info is taking my breath away at the mere thought of it. Oh man. I so hate this. On the other hand... I totally hope all my testing will show that given my age, pulmonary complications will be at a minimum. For if it's not... you'll have to shoot me now. I so don't do well with bullshit news.