BREATH OF FRESH AIR

I am totally into breathing well. Which is why six months ago, I made an appointment with my pulmonary doctor for a check up to be sure all is hunkee doree. 

The original appointment could only be made for three months out, but later I had to change it, which took aNOTHer three months before he could see me; thus the six month time frame. Don't ask. It's totally nuts, but whatever.

The problem actually began when my real pulmonologist decided to retire. Which I was really sad to hear, trust me. And... it had been more than three years since I had seen her therefore I was now considered a new patient. Huh?? Are you kidding me? Don't even ask. I basically had to jump through all sorts of hoops to then get back into the office system. Jesus. Talk about crazy. However... yippee. I finally did wind up with an appointment and this morning was the day.

Mind you... I had to set my alarm clock for 8:30 which was no treat but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So off to the new doctor I went. It turned out to be a pretty painless visit. They did take a chest x-ray which was my main reason for going. I wanted to be sure I wasn't developing some sort of horrible, deadly disease about which I had no clue. That turned out to be pretty good thank God. They also took a reading of my pulse and oxygen intake which also turned out pretty good. However...

I'm apparently now at an age where they offer some sort of low dose cat scan tests for senior citizens which are done at the hospital but must first be approved by my insurance. It supposedly lets the doctor see way more clearly that which may not be detected by a mere x-ray, so it made perfect sense to now get a base line image. Plus there's some other breathing tests to be done in the office but at this point I can't even remember what the hell those are. In the meantime.... it almost took me longer to schedule these new bullshit tests than it was to actually visit with the doctor himself. And Kateria... the lady who does the scheduling... was borderline dumbass if you ask me.

Seriously... I was this far from jumping over the counter to grab a look at her computer so I could see for myself just what appointments were available on dates in which I was interested. Talk about s-l-o-w. And we all know how I feel about the concept of waiting patiently, right? Man. One good thing I will say however...

FINALLY all the doctor's offices in my town have indeed updated their new computer systems so that they can all go through the main hospital here to grab all your medical information in one central place. Thus I didn't need to fill out pages and pages of new intake forms. THANK GOD FOR SMALL FAVORS is all I can say. You have no idea how short staffed all the offices were during this data entry process btw, while assistants galore were all working on entering the info for all the patients from the individual medical offices. It was a nightmare for them, alright. Turns out I too, had a nightmare moment, btw and I'm pretty much freaked.

Apparently, once again, I'm now officially old and I'm not pleased about this at all. Okay. I'll deal with senior moments of forgetting why the hell I entered a room looking for only God knows what. I'll even deal with the fact I need to go to the bathroom a zillion times a day or maybe bruising my arms so easily from blood thinners.

BUT.... having to deal with the fact that I'm getting shorter???

OH MY GOD. PLEASSSSE DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN. Although apparently it is happening given they took my height measurement during this doctor's visit and I was horrified. I was this far from making them measure me again, but was way too afraid the second time would render me even shorter than the first go round. This is the first time in my life I'd happily jump onto the scale for weight rather than stand up against a wall to check out my height. THIS IS SO NOT GOOD. 

I mean really... when you begin to see old people shrinking in stature then you can pretty much be SURE they are so way into the winter of their lives. Talk about unsettling, let alone depressing. I can't even believe it. I walked down the office hallway repeatedly asking: WAIT. I'M GETTING SHORTER?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I'M SHORT?? HOLY SHIT. Granted... I was no statuesque sort of woman to begin with but seriously??? I'M NOW GETTING EVEN SHORTER?? This news is plaguing me but good.


Forget about disease doing in my breathing. This new bit of new info is taking my breath away at the mere thought of it. Oh man. I so hate this. On the other hand... I totally hope all my testing will show that given my age, pulmonary complications will be at a minimum. For if it's not... you'll have to shoot me now. I so don't do well with bullshit news.