Friday, September 9, 2016

HE'S BAAAAACK

So guess who's back. Hint: my very own flesh and blood.

Yessiree. My kid is here at home and to tell you the truth, I am tickled pink. In my book... thank GOD he is out of Florida, which as you know hosts my most hated weather ever. Thus to say I am thrilled is putting it mildly. It's been almost a month now and for a multitude of reasons, I couldn't be happier. Not to mention when there was a recent possibility of Hurricane Hermine hitting southeastern part of the country. 

DEAR GOD... PLEASE DON'T EVER TELL ME MY KID IS MOVING BACK TO HELL. THANK YOU, GOD. AMEN.

As soon as I opened the door when he first got here, I covered my face and said: TIME OUT. UH... DID YOU BRING THE ZIKA VIRUS?? One thing I hate more than the heat in Florida is deadly diseases in Florida. Thankfully I was immediately assured no virus followed him up here. The next thing I said before allowing him to enter was: DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU WILL ONLY BE ALLOWED TWO CHOICES OF SALAD DRESSINGS IN THE PANTRY AT ANY GIVEN TIME, RATHER THAN YOUR PREFERENCE OF SEVEN? Yippee. Again I was assured. Somewhere along the line of my 5 most important questions was assurance about not freezing me to death with the low thermostat settings... and a couple of other items, too. Bingo.

As soon as all answers were to my liking... yippee. I let my kid in the door and gave him and a big hug and a kiss and voila'. We were on the same page, ready to go. I kinda felt like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory who ALWAYS as a zillion pages of agreement documents whenever interacting with anyone on the planet. I on the other hand, was willing to opt for mere oral agreements which I surely hope will prove to be perfectly adequate. In the meantime...

I have always enjoyed being with my kid. Thus having him here is wonderful. He's funny as hell. He's pretty cooperative and very helpful in the muscles department, too. Besides... he's as particular as I am about alot of things, so I can pretty much deal with whatever idiotic quirks he may have given he comes by them pretty honestly. 

He totally made me laugh right out loud earlier today when he told me I really should simply direct the Coca Cola Company to instruct their delivery trucks to include a stop right here at home, rather than at my local grocery store. He decided I could completely cut out the middle man and yet have my weekly supply of Diet Cokes brought right smack to the house. Uh... I'm thinking he feels I drink way too much of the chemicals but too bad. I'm addicted to the crap and have been for years, with no apologies whatsoever. On the other hand... he is soooo onto something regarding a door to door delivery system. If only.

But enough about me being glad my son is such good company. 

What I really love is how he's so brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was an excellent student and has two degrees but who cares. What I love MOST is how he knows every techie trick known to man. Despite his being a total Apple kinda guy vs. my being a devoted Windows and/or Android user. Regardless... I swear to God. On the second day my kid was here he taught me THE best trick known to man and I am forever a changed woman. Granted... the rest of the world has been doing this for years, but I of course had no CLUE. Turns out...

I needed to run to the bank to deposit a check.... a chore I abhor to the nth degree. Also a chore I often put off for weeks on end. So, I grabbed the check sitting on the kitchen counter, grabbed my purse and told him I was off to go make the deposit at the bank. STOP RIGHT THERE he said and the next thing I know, he told me I never again ever have to go to the bank for deposits!

WHAT?? ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME? Within 6 minutes he downloaded the bank's app onto my phone, signed me into my account, took a picture of the front and back of the check and whammo. Clicked OKAY. Before I could even say Wells Fargo... BINGO. MY CHECK WAS DEPOSITED RIGHT SMACK INTO MY ACCOUNT AND I DIDN'T EVEN AS MUCH HAVE TO PUT DOWN MY BELOVED GLASS OF DIET COKE. Omg. You have NO idea what a revelation this was to me let alone a sheer miracle!! I was delighted beyond belief.

Pretty much as delighted as I was when two days ago my iPad decided to F me over but good. True... it was totally my own fault given I am old and God only knows why... but I kept entering the wrong pass code for the tablet over and over again. Huh?? I do this code every single day of my life so why all of a sudden was it not recognizing it??? I was crazed. Which is a nice way of saying I myself am the crazy one. Apparently I was entering a code alright, just absolutely not the correct one! Duh. What an f'ing idiot I am. 4 milion times I entered 1234 let's say but two days ago I decided to enter 4321. Jesus. Talk about being this far from the funny farm. Anyway...

Although my son kept asking me if I was using the correct digits, and I naturally kept saying OF COURSE, I eventually entered the wrong code so many times, Apple decided to erase me off the face of the earth and disabled me forever. Don't ask. Lickety split he logged onto iTunes, did some bullshit stuff and FINALLY I realized my big mistake. He got me back on the next day and in spite of his having had to wipe clean the tablet, he was able to recover all my original apps in my original sequence. The cloud bit wasn't going to help at first, but somehow he got everything recovered and once again... I AM NOW SMILING UP THE KAZOO. Which is so why I love young people. They actually KNOW how to fix things.

Then, last night he showed me how to watch all the saved programs from the download list on my DVR right smack on my iPad! I was stunned!! But better than that almost... he also showed me how I can finally actually HEAR my Kindle Fire read to me at a blaring volume if I want, by using a wireless waterproof Blutooth speaker that is no bigger than the palm of my hand. You can see it right there, up above. Holy shit. THIS IS A LIFE SAVER TO SAY THE VERY LEAST! 

Which is why I immediately ran to Amazon to order one and can hardly wait for tomorrow's delivery. I AM JUMPING FOR JOY with anticipation! It will play movies, games, etc. on the Fire loudly for me AND it will sync beautifully to my iPad for the same, should I choose. PLUS... get this... I can even bring it into the shower and then for SURE I'll never miss a rootin' tootin' thing.

The last thing I've discovered is something I've needed for years, probably. Turns out I open a million cans of Diet Coke a day. Not because I drink them all, but rather because I only drink them while they are cold. So if a can lasts me over an hour let's say, I still have to empty it all out because the cola has become too damn warm for my liking. Granted I COULD put it in a glass of ice, but I like the can better. HOWEVER... I now have this amazing invention of a stainless steel tumbler that you fill with ice and your liquid of choice and WHAM CITY. Your drink stays cold without the ice melting for at LEAST 8 hours!!! Can you even imagine?? 


Oh man. Talk about why I'm pretty thrilled my son is back! It's almost as if sure... I'm glad to see him alright, but way more... I'm glad to see him to up my game on all things tech. Well... that and the fact he IS afterall, my flesh and blood. 

By the way my darling A. I finished my very last handful last night. Lasted just shy of a month!! 

No comments:

Post a Comment