WELCOME ONE AND ALL!

Yay!! I can have friends over once again! Without having to feel as if they are entering a Granny house, too! I am totally thrilled about it. So is my kid since he's the one who first told me about four years ago that we can't ever have people over again given my purchase of a new sofa. In the STORE it looked great. But once I got it home OOPS. Coupled with the two new recliners, all of a sudden I had a Granny type looking family room.

Well... that's all changed now, thank goodness. Ever since I got the new sofa, I had put off a pretty important chore: buy a new rug for under the table and make things look more modern. For a LONG time, I had a color blocked rug with pretty intense colors. Colors that with the new furniture, made everything look sorta dated and crappy. So.... last week I decided to bite the bullet and begin a search for a new sort of monochromatic rug that would work with my furniture.

That's it in the picture up above. Granted, the picture was taken at night, without natural light, so the hue of everything is kinda off. But in real life, it really DOES look like it all belongs together. Regardless, you get the idea, anyway. So... here's how I pulled this off.

First I went to a local store and looked through all their hordes of rugs. No cigar. Then I came home, went online and began searching stores that I figured might have something I'd like. Again, no cigar. Then I decided to just Google ROUND RUGS and whammo. First place that came up was like a RUGS R US type place. Boom. I clicked on it.

The drop down menu had a category called CONTEMPORARY which I figured might work. I clicked on it. One of the first things I saw was this tone on tone type rug in my picture and decided... hmmm.... I think this could work. So I called the place which happened to be in South Carolina. Jeni answered the phone was maybe the most helpful salesperson EVER. She tells me: 1.) it's 50% off 2.) today is Thursday so we can send it out to you tomorrow 3.) you'll get it the day after that 4.) no shipping or handling costs and 5.) if you don't like it, send it back with no charge at all.

REALLY?? TALK ABOUT PAIN FREE SHOPPING. Man. Was I ever thrilled. In the meantime, just as Jeni promised, the rug arrived in like a day and a half and it took me no time at all to switch out rugs and in a flash I LOVED MY NEW THROW RUG. It totally switched up the Granny looking family room to a WAY more contemporary feel! I couldn't believe it. I never saw this in person. I never handled the fabric in person. And I never scrutinized the color lot in person. BUT YOU'D THINK I DID.

BTW... as soon as the rug arrived, I invited some friends to come over on the pretense of having drinks and appetizers. Little did they know that as soon as they walked in I had to tell the men: OH YEAH. I LIED. I DIDN'T REALLY ASK YOU OVER JUST FOR FUN. FIRST, I NEED YOU TO SWITCH OUT MY RUGS SINCE THE GLASS ON THE TABLE IS TOO HEAVY FOR ME TO LIFT BY MYSELF. THANKS. DO THAT AND THEN I'll get to entertaining part. THANKS! Which naturally I did, so we could all then sit and admire my new online purchase. I know... major hidden agenda on my part, right? Yeah, but in the meantime I got rave reviews.

I then quickly took a picture of it so I could text it to my kid telling him: YIPPEE! We can now have people over again! We don't have a Granny looking home anymore! We've finally gotten a new rug! Which he was totally thrilled to hear btw, given he just may wind up calling this HIS home someday.


In the meantime, I couldn't be happier. I love Jeni. I love my new rug. And I love knowing I am not a Granny any longer. The room now has a WAY more modern feel to it and believe me... I'm nothing if not in tune with the times.

POPCORN TO POPSICLES

For some crazy reason, my body is taking over my recent food choices. Case in point: after several years of dining several times a week on chicken and salmon, one day about five months ago... my body simply rebelled. NO MORE OF THAT HEALTHY CRAP, PLEASE. I NEED HARD CORE MEAT ONCE AGAIN!! AND A LOT OF IT, TOO!

So.... starting last January, for three months straight, I ate and/or made every kind of meat possible. From pot roast (my alltime favorite) to beef ribs to steaks to hamburgers. From roast beef sandwiches to kosher hotdogs to skirt steak. (also my favorite)  My cravings were absolutely for carnivorous foods only. Name the beef, I ate it. And with plenty of delight too, I might add. I'm actually still into that particular addiction as we speak.

Then, in addition to the chicken/salmon rebellion... for some inexplicable reason... my body also decided to rebel against my late night addiction to popcorn. THAT'S IT. GET RID OF THAT CRAPPY TASTING POPCORN AND MOVE ONTO SOMETHING HALFWAY DECENT. EVEN IF IT'S BAD. JUST MOVE ON. So bingo. I did.

It all began with the beginning of summer which is not only my least favorite season... that's an understatement at best... but a season which I just simply detest. The heat of summer puts me in a crap ass mood and I just want to sit in my house and veg out for 12 long weeks until autumn arrives. Which btw is the only saving grace of enduring the summer.

That said... to help me make through the summer months, one day in June I decided to buy a box of sugar free Popsicles. Big mistake. I needed THREE  boxes. Who the hell knew I would become SO addicted to these most delicious treats ever. And that I would eat four of them about 4 o'clock every afternoon and then 4 more before bedtime! THEY ARE FANTASTIC! And... they cool you down in no time at all. Oh yeah. Thank God I bought the 20 pack box. 

Bear in mind that when I say 4... I really mean 2. Because unlike when I grew up, when Popsicles came 2 sticks attached to each other, nowadays they come in mere halfsies. As in: individual sticks. But trust me... I am eating way more in a sitting than anyone other than a sumo wrestler should be having. But... I CAN'T HELP IT. THEY ARE SO DELICIOUS I TOTALLY NEED A NICE HEFTY HELPING TO QUENCH MY APPARENT RIDICULOUS CRAVINGS. Honestly... I should be a spokesperson for this company or something.

What I love most are the cherry, grape and maybe the pineapple flavors. But for the pineapple, you have to buy the sugar free TROPICAL Popsicle box. Which naturally I did. I am so telling you... my freezer looks like I'm the Good Humor man readying his stash for the next business day. Believe me... I'd love to go around the neighborhood selling these deals to the kids. The higher cost I would charge for each one, could easily off set the monies I am spending on my OWN consumption.

The best news btw is: they have only 15 calories each, I think. No sugar, no carbs, no whatever else and of course... no nutrition. But who's counting. They DO have however, the best flavor ever and the ability to bring down your body temp in a heartbeat. Until I'm like almost freezing inside, actually. WARNING: try to turn up the a.c. thermostat before you down 4 of these. You'll be glad you did.

Anyway... just how long this new twice daily addiction will be in play, I can't tell you. But I am so going to enjoy this ride til my body begins craving something else entirely. I suspect once the afternoon temps stay in the mid 70s let's say... I'll have to consider some OTHER addiction, I think. 

Which is going to be interesting. I love listening to my body and I'm pretty tuned into it so I'm kinda eager to hear what it's going to tell me next. On the other hand... if my body decides to crave things like daily chocolate layer cake or bowls of rocky road ice cream OOPS. I'll be in way big trouble!


Dear God... please let me become to addicted to sliced granny smith apples next time. Or maybe even raisins. Thank you God. Amen. 

LOVE GONE WRONG

Oh man... I just can't believe it. All my sweet, childhood dreams of romantic love have suddenly all been shot to hell and I'm heartbroken. Dreams that I've loved and enjoyed for over 50 years. It happened last night and I have no clue when I'll be able to actually wrap my head around it all. IT'S CRUSHING.

As many of you may know... I have been enamored with everything Royal ever since I was a 16 year old in high school. It began with a book that I got from my school library all about the Duke of Windsor having given up his throne for the love of a woman. That particular woman being: Wallis Simpson, a twice divorced American, heavy into social climbing. A woman that the British people would never never ever allow to become Queen, let alone even consort to King Edward VIII. Which btw, he never became and is the total reason why we even have Queen Elizabeth II today. Anyway...

Turns out the British needn't have worried for rather than give up Wallis, Edward decided to give up becoming King. Whoa. Now THERE'S a love story if ever there was and I fell for it hook, line and sinker as only a teen aged love struck school girl possibly could. Besides... I was in the throes of my very first true love myself so what can I say. It was just oh so romantic for a girl ruled by her heart and I was a sucker for it all.

And... ever since then, I've thrillingly adored every single word I've ever read about the English monarchy from that day forward. Thus, I've read PLENTY, you can be sure. Then last night... THE FANTASTICAL ROMANCE AND TRUE LOVE BETWEEN EDWARD AND WALLIS CAME TO A CRUSHING HALT FOR ME. To say that I've not been the same since is an UNDERstatement at best.

Granted. Wallis has had HORRIBLE press ever since this love story first came to be known. The Brits hated her. The royal family hated her. The newspapers hated her. The government hated her. HORDES of people hated her. Why? Easy. She was the supposed slut who stole the King from his people. Except: NEWS FLASH:

Come to find out however, WALLIS WANTED TO GIVE UP THE YET TO BE CROWNED KING ALTOGETHER!!! SHE APPARENTLY DIDN'T REALLY LOVE HIM AFTERALL!!

WHAT THE FUCK?? Hoax I say. HOAX! But... alas, the last laugh is on me.

Turns out: as long as he was Prince, Wallis was having a ball. Imagining she'd have to be at his side while King... uh... thanks but no thanks. Apparently Wallis never loved him all THAT much, afterall!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? THE ROMANCE DIDN'T MEAN ALL THAT MUCH TO HER AFTER ALL THE HISTORICAL SHENANIGANS OF ALMOST DESTROYING THE ENTIRE MONARCHY?? Oh my God. WHO THE HELL KNEW??

Certainly not Edward, I'll tell you that. Besides, he had SUCH an obsessed love for Wallis he wouldn't HEAR of her not marrying him and next thing you know... in spite of her saying I'm not really so sure anymore that I want to go through with this... she found herself way too deep into everything, that she basically HAD to marry Edward. Oh man... what a reversal of the greatest love story ever!! Perfect example of: be careful what you wish for! Man... talk about an explosive shock to my romantic system.

So how do I now know all this intriguing new information?? Because lo and behold on PBS last night, I saw a special broadcast showing the actual letters Wallis Simpson had written during this entire historical crisis. Love letters no less, and guess what? THEY WEREN'T TO EDWARD.

Instead they were to MR. SIMPSON who coincidentally Wallis was... with deep regret, come to find out... divorcing at the moment! 

It would take too long to spell out all the details here but suffice it to say yes, both Mr. and Mrs. Simpson moved on to marry others BUT they also had very very tender feelings for each other in 1936. Had the Duke of Windsor known this he would have freaked, I am sure, But nonetheless, I am also sure he'd have married Wallis regardless. Edward's frightening obsessive adoration for the love of his life would have left him no other choice. The man was weirdly, completely, eccentrically, addicted to this woman until the day he died.

Which brings me to the bottom line: Talk about love going all wrong! Oh... it was fine for the Duke but for the rest of the Duchess' life, she sorta treated Edward like crapola. And the more she did, the more he catered to her each and every whim. Go figure.

All I know is that the Duke of Windsor must be rolling over in his grave today given the fact that Prince Charles actually MARRIED his mistress... Camilla. To hell with the Church of England. To hell with the fact that Camilla was also a divorced woman. Let alone the downfall of poor Diana's marriage. Plus... after all the hoopla about Edward wanting Wallis to have a title of Her Royal Highness, turns out there is a good possibility that Camilla could even become a titled Queen. EEEKS. Whether or not she ever WILL become Queen is up for grabs. Half the Kingdom says absolutely not while the other half says OK... what the hell. It's 2014 now. 


Which means: it's almost a totally good thing the Duke of Windsor has already kicked the bucket. Were he to know just how far the British Monarchy and the British people have come since his abdication over Wallis and her title, I can guarantee you... he'd kick the bucket in seconds flat all over again. 

As for me... oh I may be crushed alright but I'll still never give up on authentic true love. It's in my blood. In blue blood, too.

LIVE LIKE A QUEEN

Ahh... if only. For there is definitely something to living life as a royal. You get so many choices and better yet, you get to request that your staff carry out almost any wish that may pop into your head. Including times you might feel like you just want to take a time out from the rest of the world. Kinda like Greta Garbo: I VANT TO BE ALONE. Geez... now THAT'S something I could easily learn to live with.

Being that I am NOT royal however, means that I sort of have to roll with the punches and deal with all sorts of intrusions any time, day or night. Without anyone filtering them for me, either. Could be the phone. Could be friends dropping in at the last minute. Could be text messages. Could be ANYthing. Unless of course...

People would just please obey THIS SIGN! For a variety of reasons, it just knocks my socks off. The fact that I could hang this regal sign up and then know that I've got peace and quiet any time I want, is just fantastic if you ask me. And... to imagine that it is a Queen's directive is all the better.

I got this sign as a birthday present last May. I fell in love with it immediately! First of all... it's a LARGE sign. Second of all, it's a royal command. Third of all, it touts authority. And forth of all, I should only BE so lucky as have people obey my wishes. You're a pain the ass, for example? Perfect... I will NOT be listening to you! You're full of crap? No problem. I will NOT be talking to you, either. You're God forbid lying to me? I have no need for you whatsoever. You get the picture... you simply may not have an audience. End of discussion.

What really gets me however is that this gift was purchased for me way before my birthday! Someone saw it. Someone thought of me. Boom. Someone bought it for me. Knowing of course, I'd be having a birthday in a few months. Talk about knowing your target audience. I opened this gift while sitting out on their deck, sipping wine and then whammo. I jumped for joy when I saw it! How absolutely perfect was this for me! I just loved it.

As I love it today. What's even better is that if I DO want to hang with you then yippee. No problem. All I have to do is remove the inner NOT part of the sign and boom. You're granted my full attention.


Frankly... I think it's a perfect way for a couple to give a heads' up for their romantic intentions for the evening, btw. As in: no need to guess what the likelihood of your scoring may be that particular night. The Queen is accepting an audience? Bingo. You're good to go. She is not... oops. Try again tomorrow night. Actually now that I think about it... I can probably think of a zillion ways this sign can come in pretty handy. Just another perk of living like a Queen. Ahh... if only.  

PATIENCE PAYS OFF

I am not normally a particularly patient woman. I hate waiting. For almost everything. Make me wait too long on line, for my order to appear at the table or be backed up in traffic and I could EASily become one mighty unhappy woman. On the other hand, maybe there IS something to the old saying: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT. In this case, I waited about at least year and a half.

See that ring on my finger up above? It's one of my alltime favorite rings that I wear pretty much every day. Well... I DID wear it everyday until one day BOOM. IT DISAPPEARED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Teresa and I have been looking for it everywhere, for way over a year. REALly looking for it, too! And alas... to no avail, damnit. So basically... I just got used to the idea the ring was kaput and one day when I kick the bucket, my kid will clear everything out of my house and then HE'LL find it.

Then the other day... what should occur but... as I was taking a plastic bag out of my bathroom closet, I found a bag from a department store here in town and GUESS WHAT. I found the ring!!! I was in absolute utter shock and happy amazement. THIS is where the ring has been hiding all this time!! YIPPEE. I CAN WEAR IT AGAIN! I couldn't WAIT to tell Teresa which I showed her as soon as I saw her yesterday. She was as stunned as I was, believe you me. And, just as thrilled. It was like a major miracle occurred for me!

I am assuming what must have happened was: I was at the department store, bought a ring one day, took off this black one, put it in my bag, and whammo. Wore the NEW ring home. Naturally once I got home, I emptied the bag of my purchases, absolutely not realizing the ring was left, still at the bottom of the bag. I put the plastic bag away and next thing you know... I've lost my favorite black ring for ever and ever.

Well... for almost two years, anyway. The lost ring broke my heart, but I must admit, I did have about 50 other fashion ring choices in my jewelry case to help ease the pain. You can check them out in picture down below. Of course I also have other "fine" jewelry rings but those are kept in a different place altogether.  

It's sorta hard for me to decide which my actual favorite is: rings, bracelets or earrings. Given I lost my dearly treasured initial necklace a couple of years ago, I am now somewhat numbed about necklaces but whatever. I guess if I HAD to choose... hmmm.... I suppose I'd have to say rings are my true favorite pieces of jewelry. Kinda like Queen Victoria who trust me... had definite JEWELS. The fact rings have now become huge oversized statement pieces and often filled with plenty of bling is simply icing on the cake for me. Definitely up my alley!


I happen to think that along with shoes... a woman can simply never have too many jewels. You just never know what mood will strike you as you dress each day, thus you basically need to have huge selections to help match mood. Let alone the outfit. Lucky for me however, I not only have plenty of shoes but also... plenty of jewelry, too. ESPECIALLY my favorite black ring once again. Thank you God for making me smile. Amen.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL ALIVE

Because trust me... I totally wanted to die for I just can't beLIEVE how sick I've been, off and on, since May. And as of a week ago, I thought I was pretty much on my last legs. This is the craziest story ever.

So as it happens... ever since May I have been to the doctors umpteen times. My sinuses were infected, my allergies were knocking me out, my breathing was difficult, the coughing alone was this far from doing me in. God only KNOWS what else was going on. 

I had even been to two doctors about five times in total in the past eight weeks, I'll bet. Not counting the trip to Urgent Care one Sunday morning about a couple of weeks ago. I was on all kinds of meds, inhalers and treatments and although I was perfectly fine in Miami, before and after the trip I was simply miserable and oh so sick.

In fact, I was all prepared to go my son's graduation at the end of this month and then immediately high tail it to some sort of specialist after my return, so they could run major tests on me given I was SURE I was sporting some sort of deadly disease. Besides... I've been losing weight out of the blue and the other day I even decided that once I got the bad news of something really bad going on with me... I was not even going to put myself through hard ass treatments and instead would just call it a day without prolonging things.

On the other hand however... today, FINALLY... I think I'm going to be okay afterall which means I can probably forego the horrible diagnosis and/or treatments. Hallefuckinglujah. So what's the secret to my recovery after these past two and a half months? Oh man.. you'll so never believe it.

It began with Ollie and I being out on my deck late last week and he had his paws up upon my knees while we were chit chatting as I was petting his face, etc. Then... when he got down, I noticed there were a couple of dog hairs on my skirt, so I whisked them away and then, right then and there BINGO.

I HAD AN EPIPHANY. A LIGHT WENT OFF IN MY HEAD. I FIGURED IT OUT!! FINALLY I KNEW WHY I WAS ON THE BRINK OF DEATH ALL THESE WEEKS.

Sitting down?? I WAS ALLERGIC TO OLLIE!! His fur. His dander. His EVERYthing! OMG. I've been trying to get well all this time yet it was all for naught since the dog was making me... what else... SICK AS A DOG!! I was STUNNED at my realization. I could not beLIEVE what was going on; how I didn't even figure it out earlier, I'll never know. IT WAS A NO BRAINER.

Which only means: Ollie was in fact the best alltime pet ever BUT... not so fantastic that I was willing to die for him. I simply had to wrap my head around everything and then I just had to face the music: Ollie had to go. I just couldn't live like that anymore. Bottom line??

I am sad to say... Ollie is now back at the Humane Society where I pray some really nice family will adopt him all over again. I felt horrible about having to do this, for I am sure I fucked him up but plenty by his being given up by his first owner, then living at the Humane Society, then living at home with me, then whammo. Bringing him back to the Humane Society all over again. But I just had no choice. I can't die for a dog.

So the moral of this story: GUESS WHAT? I'M ALIVE ONCE AGAIN! I CAN BREATH ONCE AGAIN. MY SINUSES ARE NON INFECTED ONCE AGAIN. I AM COUGH FREE ONCE AGAIN. And... I AM MED FREE ONCE AGAIN, TOO. The difference in my health is like night and day. Even Teresa said this morning she can't get over how much better I look and sound! Granted... I weigh less now than I have in the past five years so for all I know maybe I AM suffering from some sort of ridiculous disease. Although I'm not as convinced as I surely was before I returned Ollie.


In the meantime... yes returning Ollie was a difficult decision to make but man am I thrilled to be alive again. And hopefully... disease free. I will say this however. If I lose another five pounds lets say, then for sure I'm running to some sort of specialist afterall. I'll feel terrific true, but seriously... since when does weight just decide to fall off of me? Uh... think: never! Dear God... please take good care of Ollie and oh yeah. Thanks for taking good care of me, too. Amen.