Sunday, June 18, 2017


A crazy thing is going on. It happened when about a month ago… maybe less… some guy came to my front door telling me he is from my Homeowners Ass. and is looking for a few people willing to place their name on the ballot for the Board of Directors to replace those whose terms are expiring.

He asked me if I was willing to be a part of this and I must say he was pretty persuasive. So I thought a moment and realized I AM the laziest person in the world but maybe I COULD offer up some time to be a participant on this Board. Afer all… what else do I do, anyway? Apparently they only meet once every 3 months, I think, so decided what the hell. Okay. Put me down to run for Secretary. With the caveat being:

KEEP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WOULD DO THIS INSTEAD OF ME. If absolutely no one else would, then okay. I’ll help out. BUT… KEEP LOOKING!!

Ballots were mailed out to all the residents about two weeks later and sure enough my name was listed to possibly vote me into some office. Bear in mind, btw, I know almost NO ONE in my development. If I had to guess… I know about 18 people MAYBE of about let’s say 125. It may be higher but I totally don’t know.

In the meantime… last week I got an email CONGRATULATING ME ON GETTING THE MOST VOTES OF ANYONE. What?? Who the hell even KNOWS me?? Which got me to thinking: Am I now f’ing President of this assocition by virture of the most votes?? EEEKS. SAY IT AIN’T SO. I DEFintely am not going to be President!! I am NOT going to be answering calls and emails from everyone who has a complaint or wants me do something on their behalf! Because I’ll tell you right now… I will totally tell them… DO WHATEVER THE HECK YOU WANT. I BASCIALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Just don’t call me again.

I know… nice way of leading this group, right?

All I know is that I had better be Secretary rather than President! Which might be hard to know given the annual meeting is next Saturday morning at get this… 9:00 in the morning!! At the local library no less. Are you kidding me? I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN BE UP THAT EARLY!! I am supposed to be turning over for my last hour of sleep at that time! Up, dressed, in attendance by 9?? I’m sooo not feeling it. 

Thus I absolutely do NOT want to go. Which is pretty funny because can you even imagine? If by some stroke of unhappy luck, it turns out I AM President, I am not sure at all that the folks will be thrilled with my absence. My way I guess of protesting this stupid election. Who would even vote for me, anyway? Granted… I can be a pretty unforgettable woman but seriously. Why even vote for me in the first place?? Oh man. This is so not good.

Besides… even if I do get to be Secretary, I wil immediately tell the board I don’t do meetings before 11:30, anyway. Actually 7:00 p.m. would be even better. I am NOT doing early morning get togethers for bullshit. Regardless…

I guess the suspense ends next Saturday. Gulp. I just may be the very first Board member to resign almost imMEDiately after being elected. Man. I must have been out of my mind the day that guy rang my doorbell. Much like I’ll be WAY out of my mind if I find out I’m President. Besides… I can only handle one idiot Commander in Chief at a time. 


Sunday: Woke up feeling pretty hungry so decided to make breakfast. Went to refrigerator and found just enough eggs for a delicious omelet. Added cheese, onions, tomatoes and mushrooms. Looked incredibly mouth watering. Came time to flip omelet… which I’ve done a zillion times before. Did the flip and boom. Entire omelet landed on the floor! Next time I’m totally going to Denny’s.

Monday: So after rainy day after rainy day it was time for the lawn man to finally arrive. He did so. I asked him about the several circular brown spots on my backyard lawn. Turns out it’s caused by Zebulon’s urine!! OMG. Am I eventually not going to have any green lawn left at ALL?? Actually it doesn’t much matter. The dog loves making on my floors as much as he does on the grass. It’s totally 50/50… he could care less where he goes. Bottom line: I’m so screwed.

Tuesday: Had to go to the bone and joint doctor because hard core of pain. Turns out... from having to literally climb up into my bed, my right knee cap is kinda compromised. IT HURTS. ALOT. Don’t need any procedure YET but already I’m smelling: SOMEthing having to be done somewhere down the road. Dear God… PLEASE don’t ever let me have to have a knee replacement. Shoot me now. I am so not a candidate for physical therapy which is mandatory for recovery. Am way too lazy.

Wednesday: Went to the skilled nursing home place to visit Bonnie who hasn’t been here in over 3 months. She had foot surgery caused from a staph infection and her recovery is still a far way off. Am barely hanging on in doing all my chores alone. Which reminds me… if ever I DO have to have a knee replacement I will NEVER go to a skilled therapy nursing place. Feeble old people in wheel chairs all over the corridors who have no clue which way is up.  Depressing as shit. Even the lovely dining room and ice cream shoppe offer no draw. 

Thursday: Yay. Went to the last of my birthday celebrations at my favorite Japanese resturant. Ordered a fantastic meal which I downed with sheer pleasure. Finished half of it then and brought the rest home. Finished the leftovers by 1:00 a.m. There simply are times when leftovers can be totally as mouth watering delicious as the first time around.

Friday: Woke up and sadly, found that Trump was still President. WTF is WITH this man? Does NO Republican care about his constant lying? Have ALL ethics and integrity left the Congressmen? Apparently. F these people. I hate them. Was devastated to hear about the baseball practice. For about 6 hours there was total unity in Congress. Talk about easy come easy go. Oh yeah... went to see WONDER WOMAN and loved every second of it. Who knew?? Also loved the popcorn.

Saturday: Woke up with horrible urinary infection. Won’t go into details, for which you should thank me. Started meds immediately since I didn’t want to miss a luncheon I had planned to attend. Made it to the luncheon although I felt totally crappy. But not so crappy that I’d miss my manicure appointment afterwards. Decided if I was going to kick the bucket, might as well have fine looking nails.

Sunday: Made reservations for brunch at the country club. No need to repeat last Sunday’s omelet fiasco. Excellent call on my part.