MADAM PRESIDENT

A crazy thing is going on. It happened when about a month ago… maybe less… some guy came to my front door telling me he is from my Homeowners Ass. and is looking for a few people willing to place their name on the ballot for the Board of Directors to replace those whose terms are expiring.

He asked me if I was willing to be a part of this and I must say he was pretty persuasive. So I thought a moment and realized I AM the laziest person in the world but maybe I COULD offer up some time to be a participant on this Board. Afer all… what else do I do, anyway? Apparently they only meet once every 3 months, I think, so decided what the hell. Okay. Put me down to run for Secretary. With the caveat being:

KEEP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WOULD DO THIS INSTEAD OF ME. If absolutely no one else would, then okay. I’ll help out. BUT… KEEP LOOKING!!

Ballots were mailed out to all the residents about two weeks later and sure enough my name was listed to possibly vote me into some office. Bear in mind, btw, I know almost NO ONE in my development. If I had to guess… I know about 18 people MAYBE of about let’s say 125. It may be higher but I totally don’t know.

In the meantime… last week I got an email CONGRATULATING ME ON GETTING THE MOST VOTES OF ANYONE. What?? Who the hell even KNOWS me?? Which got me to thinking: Am I now f’ing President of this assocition by virture of the most votes?? EEEKS. SAY IT AIN’T SO. I DEFintely am not going to be President!! I am NOT going to be answering calls and emails from everyone who has a complaint or wants me do something on their behalf! Because I’ll tell you right now… I will totally tell them… DO WHATEVER THE HECK YOU WANT. I BASCIALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Just don’t call me again.

I know… nice way of leading this group, right?

All I know is that I had better be Secretary rather than President! Which might be hard to know given the annual meeting is next Saturday morning at get this… 9:00 in the morning!! At the local library no less. Are you kidding me? I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN BE UP THAT EARLY!! I am supposed to be turning over for my last hour of sleep at that time! Up, dressed, in attendance by 9?? I’m sooo not feeling it. 

Thus I absolutely do NOT want to go. Which is pretty funny because can you even imagine? If by some stroke of unhappy luck, it turns out I AM President, I am not sure at all that the folks will be thrilled with my absence. My way I guess of protesting this stupid election. Who would even vote for me, anyway? Granted… I can be a pretty unforgettable woman but seriously. Why even vote for me in the first place?? Oh man. This is so not good.

Besides… even if I do get to be Secretary, I wil immediately tell the board I don’t do meetings before 11:30, anyway. Actually 7:00 p.m. would be even better. I am NOT doing early morning get togethers for bullshit. Regardless…

I guess the suspense ends next Saturday. Gulp. I just may be the very first Board member to resign almost imMEDiately after being elected. Man. I must have been out of my mind the day that guy rang my doorbell. Much like I’ll be WAY out of my mind if I find out I’m President. Besides… I can only handle one idiot Commander in Chief at a time.