Friday, September 28, 2012


So I had a pretty good evening last Saturday. I went downtown for a tribute performance to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.... the Jersey Boys.  Excellent show I might add. I love these kind of deals.

For about nine months of the year, there is a monthly tribute to everyone from Patsy Kline let's say to Elvis Presley. From Motown to the Rat Pack. From The Bee Gees to George Burns in Say Goodnight Gracie. So up my alley. Besides, I know every word to every song any of these people sing. Talk about being from "my era". And, everyone can just jump up and dance all over the place if they want. I particularly love when the oldie goldies... no pun intended... get up and dance to either BENNIE AND THE JETS or NEW YORK, NEW YORK or even SURFIN' USA perhaps. The place does sorta rock out, actually. I think the week after next is a tribute to Eric Clapton, but I'm not sure. Naturally I have tickets to that, too.

In the meantime, I did indeed have lots of fun Saturday but the day didn't quite begin that way. Wanna know why?? Get this... the guy I was seeing... boom. HE GAVE ME THE HEAVE HO. As in: IT'S OVER. NICE KNOWING YOU. WE'LL CERTAINLY BE FRIENDS BUT SORRY, WE'RE NOT A MATCH. Which is completely true but still. Can you believe it?? OMG. I was dumped. Which is pretty unusual since truth be told, it's usually ME who does the dumping. But no big deal. It happens to the best of us. 

On the other hand, maybe dumped is a harsh word. For the fact is: that although I had a lovely time being with him, and we did go out for like maybe nine months, the bottom line is: we just didn't ring each other's bell. And I DO love it when my bell is not only rung, but rung so loudly that it can be heard clear cross the city. This particular match was sorta like a meek ding dong at best. However... in spite of his calling it quits, I did find another who was thrilled to go with me, using HIS ticket of course, and whata ya know. Bingo. We had a great time at the concert!

Plus, we had GREAT seats in the second row, center. Perfect for scanning the adorable songsters to see which is the one that if I were only 30 years younger, I could try to bring home for fun and frolic. On the other hand... who wants anyone THAT age? Man, not me, thanks.

I much prefer men who not only know history but who, like me have LIVED history. As in: actually having LIVED life from the late 40s to the present. I always say that I love being from the era where I lived through the British Invasion, was in Haight Ashbury, was around when the Civil Rights Act of '64 passed, watched Kennedy's funeral live and who basically was there for the sex, drugs and rock and roll revolutions. Now THAT was growing up. None of this bullshit of seeing Sky King and Leave to Beaver and Make Room for Daddy and the Donna Reed Show in reruns only.

Anyway, the Jersey Boys sung a slew of wonderful hits and I sang right along with them. So did everyone else who was there. Now that I think of it, I have BEEN to New Jersey. Several times, in fact. No wonder... one of my best girlfriends live there. Back in the good ole days I even DROVE on the Garden State Parkway... something I wouldn't do now if you paid me MILLIONS. I'd rather just go ahead and have my heart attack right smack there in the parking lot of the car rental place rather than have it on the actual highway itself. I can't even believe I ever DID that, now that I think of it. Ahhh... to be young again. But whatever.

All I know is that the guy who dumped me missed a great show. And that I had a fabulous time, regardless. I know ... easy come easy go as they say. The good news however is that I still have an extra ticket for the Eric Clapton tribute. Anyone free next Saturday night?

Thursday, September 27, 2012


I swear to God... I woke up Tuesday morning feeling as if I had just performed fellatio for like two hours and therefore MY JAW WAS IN MAJOR PAIN. I know... crazy ass description but it's TRUE. I couldn't believe it. Nor could I figure out why the hell I was hurting so much! Nor what could have caused it especially since I can't imagine giving ANYone oral for two hours straight.

But I had to explain the pain SOMEhow. Which is exactly how I did it when I got to my surgeon's office. He of course was outta control laughing when I told him what it felt like, but we DID have to come up with not only an explanation, but certainly a solution, as well. This was just the best way I could explain the feeling. I mean it... I couldn't even open my mouth enough so I could even eat. And trust me, I was hungry. So basically, after the doctor stopped laughing, he sort of got the picture of my pain situation. 

Anyway, we had to first rule out that it could have been caused from my surgery so that I could then run to my dentist if need be, and figure out if this was then a dental problem. Basically, the surgeon luckily ruled out any complication from his end, although to be on the safe side, he did prescribe some antibiotics and pain killers. Which by the way, did help, but only minutely. Therefore my next call was going to be to my dentist.

However a miracle happened. I had a bunch of people over for dinner last night and naturally, I had to tell them of my newest ailment. Then out of the blue, someone came up with the idea that lately I've been under alot of stress... thus maybe I was grinding my teeth at night which of course would then exacerbate any TMJ which I've certainly experienced before.

Bingo. I decided they were on to something. SOOO... to kinda relax myself while asleep last night, I decided to take an Ativan at bedtime. GUESS WHAT?? I woke up this morning and YIPPEE I could eat again! No more lockjaw!! It was gone as quickly as it occurred. I can not TELL you how happy I was to be able to actually open my mouth once again! This was sheer genius on the part of my guest's diagnosis!

I even tested the recovery this morning by trying to eat a bagel and was THRILLED I could! Didn't even have to take baby bites, either. My mouth actually worked again! Man... talk about thanking God for small favors.

On the other hand, I can promise you I STILL won't do oral for two hours. Locked jaw or not. And, btw... I recommend you don't either. There is NO way your jaw will feel good afterwards. HE might love it but you won't.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


What can I tell you... a month ago today I had my face done and here we are 30 days later WITH NO CRAPOLA NECK AND NO POUCHES ABOVE OR BENEATH MY EYES.

It's incredible. I was thinking earlier about those folks who have been kind enough to tell me I look 15 years younger.... I need to tell them... I think maybe I look BETTER than I did 15 years ago! I swear. It's crazy.

There's pretty much nothing more I can possibly add to what I've already posted about this entire experience but suffice it to say... I SO WISHED my Mother were still here so she could see this. It would be SO up her alley.

She had a facelift when she was but 50... 14 years younger than when I did it.... and she was a beautiful woman still, when she passed away at age 84. So according to my calculations, when I kick the bucket, no matter how old I may or may not be... I'll be pretty damn decent looking no matter what.

Until then... yippee... mission accomplished. So many thanks to all of you who were such wonderful friends to me during this entire deal. What a blessing. I thank you and my Mother thanks you. Man... I miss her every day. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012


Yippee. Thank God THAT'S over. I'm back in tip top shape once again. 

For the past couple of weeks or more, I have had to be at my eye doctor's every day and/or every other day. It was becoming a major pain in the ass, but then I finally had no choice and decided: forget about the bitching... which I'm pretty good at actually... and just go with the flow of it all. It's amazing how nicely things can work out once you just say the hell with everything.

Anyway... that's just what I did. Kinda like: if you can't lick 'em, join 'em. Regardless... I have to do all kinds of shit due to dry eyes and one eye lid not having fully closed yet after the surgery. Thankfully that part's over with. So... now with eye lid closing once again, I'm now back to just dealing with the dry eye bit.

Actually, that's a condition all my doctors knew about before going into this face bit so we all figured I'd have to be diligent about the drops, etc. during recovery. However, I also have to use a greasy sort of ointment just before bedtime on one particular eye to be SURE that it is getting enough lubrication. The reason to use it at bedtime only?? Get this...

Once you apply the ointment to the inside of the lower lid... boom, EVERYTHING BECOMES TOTALLY BLURRY. So you're supposed to apply it, hop into bed and boom. Turn off the nightstand light immediately. Well, that's what you're SUPPOSED to do, anyway.

Me? I had to switch things up a bit. As in: once I applied the ointment, I then naturally had to go to the bathroom, then naturally get a drink since I was thirsty again and on yeah... had to watch at least one short show on TV. Which of course I did relying way more of my other eye.

In the meantime, I decided every once in a while to kinda practice for when I become REALLY REALLY old and lose my eyesight altogether. How do I practice, you may ask?? Easy. I VIEW EVERYTHING WITH MY BLURRY EYE ONLY!! OMG... you can't even imagine. I actually now know exactly what it's like to not even come close to passing your Drivers' Test when you turn 90. It's crazy. You can't see shit!

I mean... I can see outlines of things, and can kinda get around my house and I can maybe see people on TV but as for details?? NADA. BLIND AS A BAT. You could never see that sort of thing. As in: DEFINITELY forget about putting on eye makeup or hand sewing or reading anything or probably even cooking. Well, other than MAYBE making a bowl of cereal but even that would have it's challenges. Couple that with the fact I already have macular vascular eye disease, and I'm telling you... I've got to start interviewing chauffeurs in a no time! God forbid.

The good news however is that by morning, the blurriness from the ointment is pretty much gone. Of course I then have to begin my daily regiment of applying liquid eye drops every few hours ALL OVER AGAIN. Geez. Talk about keeping me on my toes.

The other good news is that for now: I can still see! YIPPEE. Thank God for small favors. And thank God for my doctors. Oh yeah... did I tell you I'll need cataract surgery in like five years maybe? I'm so telling you... my freakin' body is aging... right before my very eyes. Literally AND figuratively.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Well, that didn't take long. After having gone on and on last night about needing a vacation... boom. Next thing you know, I think I'm actually going on one! I think, anyway. Whoa. Timing IS everything, I see.

So... as it happens, I got email last night from a friend of mine, asking if I wanted to make definite plans about going on a trip to the New England area in early November. As in: Boston, Nantucket and my beloved Newport which I'm DYING to see, given my sheer adoration of the homes... ahem... I mean mansions... of the Gilded Age that are located there. Maybe even a little of D.C and NYC thrown in, too. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? COULD THIS BE JUST THE FIX I'VE NEEDED??

Wow. Maybe it is. And... the more I heard about this itinerary, the more excited I sorta became. I can't even believe it... I'LL ACTUALLY GET TO SEE NEWPORT. I'll also be freezing my f***ing ass off of course, but what the hell. I'm thinking this could almost be FUN. Although I DID warn this friend that I could EASILY drive them totally nuts within mere hours, by way of my zillions of anxieties alone... but they were willing to take the risk. So what the hell. They've been duly forewarned is my theory.

In the meantime, we're pretty much going to be taking off just after the election. Which could put a wrinkle into my every four year annual election night dinner that I love hosting, but whatever. For now... I'll pretend I have no worries whatsoever. We've already got plans for a Pre-Thanksgiving celebration with their family and plans to make sure I get to eat lobster three times a day, every day. My mouth is watering PLENTY.

All I am supposed to be planning... for the moment, anyway... is the musical hours and hours they want ready to go so we can sing our way through like what? Five states?? While feeling a bit buzzed too, I might add. Always an added bonus, if you ask me. Supposedly we're to pretend we're in our 20s all over again.

Although even with my new "look" I can't really pull that off but who's counting. I'm calling this trip my GILDED AGE ROAD TRIP. With a bunch of Rock thrown in, I guess. I can't wait to sing every word to every song through every town we pass. Of course it should probably be called my GOLDEN AGE ROAD TRIP since as you know... I'm this far from becoming an out and out senior citizen. But I'll worry about all that next May.

For now... I'm just worrying about what to pack for this little jaunt. Geez... I'll need sweaters, warm jackets AND my heavy winter coat. Plus, not only walking shoes but my high and low boots, too. Not to mention all the other paraphernalia of hair products and meds. Man... it could take me WEEKS to pack. But, fear not. I'm up for the challenge. And for the fun.

I just need now to figure out exactly where all the bathroom pit stops are located and THAT my friend could be the biggest challenge of all.   

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Man. Either I'm too damn popular or I've got too many friends or I make way too many social plans or I just jam my calendar with far too many damn things. It's becoming crazy and frankly, and I don't see much end in sight. Unless that is, I just say F*** IT. I'M BECOMING A HERMIT.

Which I very well might do. As I walked in the door tonight from an hour and a half of intense socializing at an Open House, I decided: I'm just way too overwhelmed with all this socializing. I need a break. Or a vacation. Or SOMEthing. Which is when I figured I would back up a minute... like since a week ago, let's say... and I'd retrace exactly what's been keeping me on such overload lately.

It kinda boiled down to this: Last Tuesday: eye doctor, lunch with friends and an evening Board Meeting. Last Wednesday: eye doctor and dinner with friends. Last Thursday: core training class, manicure, and fielding zillions of phone calls all night long. Last Friday: eye doctor again, errands and then evening services. Last Saturday: sleep in LATE and then movies and dinner that night. Last Sunday: brunch with four others at the country club and come home and do all sorts of chores around the house. Last Monday: errands, Canasta and Chinese dinner with friends. Today, the ever popular eye doctor, errand and then the ever popular early evening Open House bit tonight.

Now I know that doesn't sound like alot and I KNOW I did way more running around when I was busy raising my family, but NOW? At THIS age? I'm telling you... I'm worn friggin' OUT. And basically... this wasn't all that much of a crammed week, either! Regardless, I just came home tonight and said: THAT'S IT. I'M BOWING OUT OF THE WINE TASTING PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT. I QUIT. MY SOCIALIZING IS OVER. Well, for a while anyway. 

Especially since tomorrow I've already got to hit the eye doctor, meet Betsy for lunch and then make a 3:00 appointment with my attorney. I'm telling you. I NEED A VACATION. Which is so ironic since I like have the most hum drum life you ever saw, to begin with. Honestly, I am a perfect poster girl for those who do so LITTLE. Is this the craziest thing or what?

Then, I'm thinking: Whoa. Wait. I've got a concert downtown on Saturday night, 6 people coming for dinner next Wednesday night, two fancy schmancy birthday luncheons in like a week maybe, a couple of major party invitations already for October and then of course, Thanksgiving. Not to mention, my regular card game, exercise class, etc. etc. Hence: what's up with all this socializing I do?? I feel like Susan Powter: STOP THE MADNESS. Oh yeah... I need to factor in the fact Bonnie's not even here for a long while.

But what REALLY gets me is the fact almost everyone I know does TWICE what I do in a day. Their calendars are FILLED with stuff. Really MEANINGFUL stuff too. Me? I do crap. Them? They actually ACCOMPLISH sh*t! In ADDITION to all the socializing, no less. Talk about having A personalities. I apparently am much more into the N personality. As in: nonsense.

Yeah... I know, I know. Busy hands are happy hands and I really shouldn't complain at all. I should be happy that I have a wonderful life, with plenty to do and plenty of friends with whom to do it. On the other hand, if I DON'T get some down time soon, how can I possibly find time to relish in my delight by sitting and watching Mitt absolutely screw up his very own campaign royally. For THAT? Man, I could book hour after hour, easily. Seriously... I'm SO getting off on his f*** ups.

Which definitely feeds into my desire to become a HERMITT. Boom. I can kill two birds with one stone. 

Sunday, September 16, 2012


So what can I say? I had a great moment last night and I must admit, I'm tickled pink about it, too. This was just unbelievable. Get this...

Turns out I was in my favorite movie theater here in town. It's an independent theater without seating like in regular ones. Instead, the entire place is dimly lit, totally filled with small round dining tables and two really nice chairs with casters that can lean back a little if you want, and it's like a cozy little restaurant let's say. Two to a table. Thus you make friends with everyone seated all around you plus you get the feeling while being there that everyone else is also happy and friendly and of course, equally psyched for a great movie. Which last night, btw, was ARBITRAGE with Richard Geer. Talk about being sweet on the eyes. I'm so telling you... don't miss this film!

Anyway, there we were seated at our table, chit chatting, having fun while I was major busy gobbling down my excellent pop corn and diet coke. This lady in front of us was enjoying a chicken salad sandwich and the people to our left were enjoying cheeseburgers. So I just happened to ask the lady in front of me... very attractive, well groomed, a couple years older than myself, lovely makeup and hair, etc. etc... what she was eating and next thing you know we were in a happy conversation. No wonder. She apparently took a major shine to me!

She began with asking me where I live. I told her I'm from Miami but have lived here permanently for the past ten years to which she replied: "I KNEW you weren't some run of the mill country girl! I took one look at you and could tell you're a REAL fashionista!" WHOA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? IS THIS LADY ASTUTE OR WHAT? Like how great is it that your date gets to hear a total stranger rave about you? Seriously. Plus whether or not this lady was a complete liar made no difference whatsoever to me... I was in sheer delight over this woman's comments. Which is why naturally, I fell in love with her immediately.

She began asking me where I shopped, etc. which was kind of surprising since I was basically wearing nothing more than a regular end of summer outfit. As in: black lace leggings, a black soft fabric-ed asymmetrical long tunic top with a scarf styled hem and black soft satin like flats. Which makes me think: it must have been the six inch Camellia Flower pin I was also wearing. But matters not. All I know is that after her rave reviews, the next thing to come out my mouth was: OH YEAH... YOU'LL LOVE THIS. TWO AND A HALF WEEKS AGO, I HAD A FACE LIFT!!

She then went wild with THAT news. I told her all about it and she was just so thrilled hearing me lay it all out. I finished it off with... YEAH, NOW I CAN ENJOY MY 65TH BIRTHDAY NEXT MAY FEELING PRETTY DAMN HAPPY, TOO.  Don't ask. That's all she had to hear. I thought I'd have to pick my new best friend up from the floor. WHAT?? 65?? YOU CAN'T BE!! I WOULD HAVE EASILY PEGGED YOU FOR NO MORE THAN YOUR MID 40s!!

Which of course is the exact moment I decided: OMG. IT WORKED! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I DO IN FACT LOOK BETTER!! Let alone younger. Which btw, is ALSO a great thing for your date to hear. Regardless, I think I better mark the calendar with yesterday's date since THAT is the first time since my surgery that an out and out stranger was basically fooled. I can't WAIT to tell my plastic surgeon! Since basically, I look at this like it was two party operation.

I supply the crappy ass hanging skin face and he supplies the perfect surgical procedure. All in all... a major match made in heaven. YIPPEE. IT WORKED.  

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Jesus... this left eye of mine is going to be the bane of my existence. In the past week, I've been to the eye doctor five times and I'll be headed back there once again in about an hour. Don't ask.

Turns out that my left eye lid may still be a tad swollen, thus it doesn't entirely close all the way... about two millimeters from complete, let's say. Which then means air hits my cornea which then means it gets irritated which then means I have to use eye lubricant drops every fucking hour which then means it stings after all day long which then means, I basically want to slit my wrists by oh... I'd say about just before bedtime, I'd guess.

I'm like this far from having a mental breakdown and frankly, I'm not all that sure I can afford cutting things quite that close. I figure I'm on borrowed time as is. In fact last night, I got into bed thinking: OMG. I think I may need a Quaalude for tonight. Ah... the good ole days, right?

Anyway, twice already I've had a clear contact lens bandage put in for a day or two since that basically protects the cornea while the lid is blinking all day long. That's number one. Number two is the fact that my tear duct has yet to reopen completely, which also is not adding to the solution. Given I have never before worn contacts and am pretty sure there is no way I'll actually be able to insert one myself, I have visions... no pun intended... of having to return to the eye doctor every other day. Pretty much like what I've done this past week.

Shoot me now.

It's a good thing I adore my eye doctor and his associate, for I can see already, I'm developing a real buddy buddy relationship with these guys. I'm all but minutes away from having both of them and their wives over for dinner so we can just sorta hang out in the evenings since I'm already pretty much doing that in the daytime. I'm telling you... this is nuts.

Oh yeah... I may have to invite my plastic surgeon too, since I'm on the phone with him almost daily as well. Besides, he gets a real kick out of my personality for some reason. You can check him out, up there in the picture above. He's simply adorable.

Anyway, they all claim my tear duct will in fact come back to life at some point, thus supposedly there IS light at the end of this eyeball tunnel, afterall. Of course that's what THEY say. However, according to the Linda School of Ophthalmology, I say it's but a 50/50 chance. So, I'm giving this deal but one more week... and then of course we shall actually SEE. Pun intended.

For now however... am off to have yet another contact inserted. And, ask for a couple of Ludes. If only.  

Friday, September 14, 2012


... ME!! Oh man... I am so in love with this. Click on this link  and you TOO can hear this fabulous tune. Plus, turns out it's a perfect song just for me.

I can't even believe it... I heard this song and went absolutely wild. You have just GOT to hear it and then you tell me if it doesn't make you also, jump up right smack out of your seat, having you dancing all over the place lickety split. For me? This song totally rocks.

I heard it the first time tonight and immediately I knew, for zillions of reasons, that this song had my name written all over it. This is not the official video, but that's on YouTube also, if you want to go search it out. I just figured I'd do you all a favor and post the one that had the lyrics already front and center.

Which by the way, are fantastic. I mean... all I had to do was hear the opening line and boom. They had me right off the bat. From there on in, I fell for the music, the rest of the lyrics, the incredible sound and definitely the great rhythm in a heartbeat. In fact, as a tribute to Dick Clark, let me just say... I'LL GIVE IT A TEN.

I love when I hear music that gets me in my gut and/or heart within moments. Kinda like: Roger Waters' MOTHER let's say. Took me all of 32 seconds and I was sucked right smack into THAT song, too. And just like Cupid's arrow... whamo. This song tonight struck me in a flash. I can only hope it will strike you too. If not... then, ummm... I'd almost have to think maybe you're not completely living in our current musical world. In which case, what can I say? You're just not on my same rock wave length.

Which is sorta too bad since my personal rock wave length IS pretty fine tuned. Case in point: Janis Ian... a minus four. THIS song? A plus 20. And oh yeah... for those of you who, God forbid, HAVEN'T heard Roger Waters... here you go. Suggestion, btw: Get stoned first.    

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Reality bites. Last night I ventured out into the real world. As in: I actually did my own grocery shopping for the first time in God knows how long. I'm not happy about it in the least, but I do have to admit that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Which is a good thing, since I'm apparently going to have to be doing this pretty often, for next several months. Damnit.

Turns out Bonnie is out of town right now, visiting her daughter somewhere. And, while I normally can handle that pretty well for short periods of time, after Bonnie gets back... she's then headed to have surgery on both her knees. And while I feel absolutely horrible knowing what that must be like to go through all this, I also feel absolutely horrible that SHE'LL NOT BE HERE ON MONDAYS ANYMORE FOR QUITE A BIT OF TIME. Like three months, maybe??? Oh man... so not what I want to hear.

Poor Bonnie has been suffering plenty with her knees the past several years and yippee, this surgery is going to put her in very good stead. Of course it's concurrently going to put me in the funny farm, but I AM trying to cope. In the meantime, amidst my throwing every kind of prepared food known to man into my cart,  I did make a wonderful discovery while shopping last night.

Apparently the store has made a wonderful redesign of the aisles and I was quite thrilled about it, too. There I was, going up and down the aisles and then, all of a sudden, I had a major realization. I noticed that in the center of the store... beginning in paper goods, maybe... boom. I saw that instead of having one looooong aisle running from the front of the store way to its' back wall, they actually cut the aisles in half about mid way through!! Like little baby cross streets that let you go straight through to four rows away if you want, withOUT having to walk allll the way up one aisle to get over to the next.

Thus, I could NOW take a short cut right smack in the middle of the aisle and cut my walking time in half! I could actually walk just half the length of the store, and if I didn't want anything on the rest of the shelves there, boom. I could cut right across and head on over to the Diet Coke shelf lickety split! Sheer genius, if you ask me. Like how long has THAT been going on, I wonder? Well, Bonnie would know, I'm sure. I myself just found out last night.

So it looks like I'm basically going to be living in the real world for a period of time now. I'm going to have to do my own shopping, my own errands, my own everything, etc.... that I totally hate to do. Like calling in and picking up my own meds, like standing in line to mail my own packages, like paying my own bills, and like carrying in my own groceries, which btw, is something I REALLY hate doing. All I can tell you is: while I wish everyone who is dealing with a health issue a speedy recovery, you can bet your sweet ass there is NO one for whom I hope it's speedier than for Bonnie.

Believe me... I this close to calling Kelly Girl Temporary office services.      

Thursday, September 6, 2012


I swear to God... this is the most amazing thing I've ever done. And... I've done quite a few in my time, I'm happy to say. But THIS? Oh my God. I'm thinking of now joining a college sorority. 

Why not?? Today is Day Nine and the transformation has been reMARKable. I can't even believe it. And, I can not TELL you how thrilled I am. Well, I was that is, until I got to the doctor's office today to have my stitches removed.

Get this... I just happened to nonchalantly ask him: Uh... like exactly how much WAS removed from my neck? His answer?? ABOUT A POUND OF FAT!!! Holy Shit. I THOUGHT I WOULD THROW UP RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Are you fucking kidding me???? I was simply flabbergasted. See? I KNEW it was time to do something about my neck!!! Man o man... is that the craziest ass thing or what? Anyway, the Man of All Miracles said that everything went like clockwork and YIPPPEE. I CAN NOW SLEEP IN MY BED ONCE AGAIN! HalleluJAH.

Anyway... that shot up above was taken just before I left for my doctor's visit. There was absolutely no pain in having the baby bandages and stitches removed and I can now wash my face with soap and water and I can have a haircut and I can stop taking the bruising pills and I can even begin wearing makeup again. Of course I first have to FIND my eyelashes once again but the the doctor told me they ARE there. I have to go back in six weeks and THEN he'll do the real before and after pictures so we can both ooh and ahh. Seriously... every major penny I spent on this facelist was SO worth it. The bruising and swelling will continue to subside and then WHAMMO. My job here is done.

For now, I just have to thank EVERYONE who has been such a great help and/or such wonderful encouragement for me. Your love and good wishes have meant SO very much. And yes... I know... it's time I shut up about this entire deal and move onto something else. And believe me, I'll try. I really will.

BUT... my astonishment at the total improvement just so freakin' knocks my socks off. Thus I can make no promises. I CAN'T HELP IT. I'm way too high in seventh heaven for God sakes. Which reminds me... Thank You God for letting all of this go down without a single hitch! Amen. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


It's really crazy... everyone I know joins a group. Book clubs maybe. Bridge games. Maj Jongg. Volunteering. Scrabble. Whatever. Me?? I never join.

First of all... how the hell do I know what I'll feel like doing on a particular day? What if I want to do something else? How I can I possibly commit to a scheduled day at a scheduled time? What if I want to just sleep until ten and take my sweet ass pretty little time getting ready to head out? I'm telling you... I'm exactly the kind of person you DON'T want in your group.

Until two weeks ago, that is. I don't know what came over me. All I know is... I got a call: MEET US AT THE JAVA PLACE. WE'RE LEARNING TO PLAY PARTNER CANASTA. Boom. Next thing I know I'm in a weekly Canasta game. HUH? I JOINED SOMETHING? Oh man... I'm in utter shock.

Turns out however, it was FUN. I DID have to tell everyone right off the bat though: BTW... I PLAY FOR FUN AND I JABBER ALL THROUGHOUT THE GAME. AND I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THE SCORES AND IF WE NEED DO-OVERS, THAT'LL WORK FOR ME, TOO. So it's kinda surprising they didn't kick me out lickety split.

As in: THE GIRLS TAKE THE GAME REALLY SERIOUSLY. Oops. And, they follow the rules of the game to a major T! Thus, being quick on the uptake, I decided I better get in to the expected mode but fast, and play like I've got $500 rolling on every play. Bingo. Mission accomplished. I played Canasta for the first time in 55 years!! And, I played with all the cooperation and sportsmanship I could possibly muster. I had to. We play with partners.

In the meantime, due to my face lift... I told the girls last week, come to my house Monday and I'll serve lunch and then we'll play Canasta afterwards. Which I did. However... good thing I made PLENTY of lunch! I was expecting five of us, I think but next thing I know... my door bell kept ringing and ringing and ringing and yippee! Who knew... extras arrived! Apparently one friend spoke to another who spoke to another and bingo. There was eight of us in no time at all. Talk about pushing the limits of my kitchen dining table!

In the end, I have to say I had a ball. First of all, it was great having everyone here yet again and second of all, I got to eat a perfectly fine lunch and third of all, I loved playing Canasta for a couple of hours. Which only means... EEKS. I CAVED. I JOINED A GROUP. I COMMITTED TO A SCHEDULE EVERY MONDAY AFTERNOON. Whoa. Now THERE'S a switch up I never saw coming.

I can promise you however... I'll never join a book club. I love choosing my own books to read and I like to take my time in doing so. Unless of course every book the club chooses is about the British Monarchy. For THAT?? Boom. Count me in, no questions asked. Besides, for that club, I wouldn't even have to read. I know everything about everything on that topic ALREADY. Can YOU name all of Queen Victoria's children? Trust me... I can.   

Saturday, September 1, 2012


Aren't these flowers BEAUTIFUL??? I swear... I love looking at them all day long. The colors are just STUNNING. Apparently this is the upside to not only having surgery, but also having really great friends.

I can't figure out which of these are my favorite but it matters not. They're all magnificent. Oh yeah... I was also given a potted plant of Mums; but they have yet to fully bloom. However, once they do... they too will be stunners. Actually, I would LOVE to plant the Mums in the ground so I can enjoy them every year, but according to the doctor, I'm not allowed to bend down, so hmmmm. That's a problem. But maybe I'll cheat and do it in a couple of weeks. 

In the meantime, I don't normally have a green thumb, I'm sorry to say. Which is why I fill my house with basically "care free" plants. I'm heavy into putting plants in a pot... watering them every week or so... and then: DO NOTHING. Kinda like letting Mother Nature do the rest. Man... how lazy can one person get?? On the other hand, during the Spring and Summer I WILL put effort into my gorgeous Hydrangeas which are planted in several places around my front yard.

THOSE I definitely try to take care of since they absolutely knock my socks off once the flowers start popping out. For them, I even go all out and feed them plant food. Trust me... that's a huge step for me. But they're SO worth it. I have maybe seven different colored Hydrangea bushes all planted in strategic areas and every time I look outside I'm in heaven watching them grow. The BIG payoff of course is when I get to cut the blossoms to fill my vases and place them in every room of my house. Oh man... so outta this world.

In any case... for now... I'm loving all the flowers I've recently received as gifts. I'm also loving watching the bruising on my face gradually disappear. For as the color of my face fades, the colors of the flowers are exploding. Talk about it's a beautiful life!


That's exactly what I told the doctor when he removed the bandages the day after my facial surgery. IT WAS TOTALLY AMAZING. Even now I can't believe it and it's only Day Three. By tomorrow the HORRIBLE bruising and swelling will sure to be down to a dull minimum and already, no can believe how fantastic my face it beginning to heal. Even my kid said, and I quote: SERIOUSLY. YOU LOOK LIKE ALMOST 20 YEARS YOUNGER. Now did I raise an astute kid or what??

So here's how it went down. I got to the doctor's office by 6:30 in the morning. By 7:00 he gave me my medical cocktail which included 40 milligrams of Valium, btw. What could be bad, right? Next thing you know we walked into a room where there is a most comfortable, wonderful leather chair... kinda like a dental chair... placed in the center of the room. Luckily, I can't tell you what happened next, for boom. I was out like a light 1-2-3. For the next three hours the Genius of All Men then worked on my eyes and my sagging neck and finally, wrapped my head with all kinds of gauze or whatever. BOOM. DONE. Painless and miraculous. And best of all... this prince of all miracle makers told me the procedure went PERFECTLY FINE!

Next, Claudia brought me straight home. I then set up my bedroom quarters right there next to the recliner in my family room and I proceeded to lay out all my meds etc. Granted, I looked absolutely horrible but hour by hour I was beginning the remarkable recovery process. That night Denise, the woman I hired for two evenings, came and stayed with me and helped me with whatever I needed. Who could ask for more? 

The next morning I went back to Dr. Genius' office, he took the bandages off my head and right smack off the bat, Claudia exclaimed: OMG... YOUR FACE LOOKS HEART SHAPED AGAIN. Which naturally gave me the courage to check it all out for myself. I was handed a mirror and immediately the first words out of my mouth were: IT'S A F-ING MIRACLE!! I LOVE IT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! OMG. I'M IN SHOCK. THIS IS JUST SOOOOO INCREDIBLE! Bottom line: I could not thank the doctor enough is all I can tell you. I may have to put his kids through college, now that I think about it. HE DESERVES IT. For the first time in 30 years I NOW HAVE A NECK. AND A PROFILE. AND I HAVE NO POUCHES UNDER OR ABOVE MY EYES. Man... this is just the greatest experience ever!

I have pictures documenting each day's progress, beginning from when I first arrived back home. By tomorrow I just MAY be able to post one here. YIPPEE. I'll have to wait to see though, exactly how much I want to scare everyone. Therefore, proceed at your own risk. Although I will admit... whatever I put up, will be FIVE THOUSAND PERCENT BETTER THAN WHEN I FIRST STARTED OUT.

In the meantime, I've had lots of friends stopping by to check it all out and EVERYONE of them are as amazed as I am. In fact, several came over tonight, bringing in Chinese food and we all sat around eating and having a fabulous time. Am I blessed or WHAT??  I'm thinking that if I wait another month or so, I just may be able to register in high school all over again.

So basically... to anyone who is even THINKing of having some plastic surgery call Dr. Harley IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. You too can look four million percent better. I am SO thrilled I did! Whoops. Sorry... time for me to run take just one more pain killer now, just to be on the safe side. Trust me... those meds are as miraculous as the procedure itself. Which I'm already thinking I may need to take again when the stitches come out Wednesday. Talk about psyched!!