Saturday, September 15, 2012


Jesus... this left eye of mine is going to be the bane of my existence. In the past week, I've been to the eye doctor five times and I'll be headed back there once again in about an hour. Don't ask.

Turns out that my left eye lid may still be a tad swollen, thus it doesn't entirely close all the way... about two millimeters from complete, let's say. Which then means air hits my cornea which then means it gets irritated which then means I have to use eye lubricant drops every fucking hour which then means it stings after all day long which then means, I basically want to slit my wrists by oh... I'd say about just before bedtime, I'd guess.

I'm like this far from having a mental breakdown and frankly, I'm not all that sure I can afford cutting things quite that close. I figure I'm on borrowed time as is. In fact last night, I got into bed thinking: OMG. I think I may need a Quaalude for tonight. Ah... the good ole days, right?

Anyway, twice already I've had a clear contact lens bandage put in for a day or two since that basically protects the cornea while the lid is blinking all day long. That's number one. Number two is the fact that my tear duct has yet to reopen completely, which also is not adding to the solution. Given I have never before worn contacts and am pretty sure there is no way I'll actually be able to insert one myself, I have visions... no pun intended... of having to return to the eye doctor every other day. Pretty much like what I've done this past week.

Shoot me now.

It's a good thing I adore my eye doctor and his associate, for I can see already, I'm developing a real buddy buddy relationship with these guys. I'm all but minutes away from having both of them and their wives over for dinner so we can just sorta hang out in the evenings since I'm already pretty much doing that in the daytime. I'm telling you... this is nuts.

Oh yeah... I may have to invite my plastic surgeon too, since I'm on the phone with him almost daily as well. Besides, he gets a real kick out of my personality for some reason. You can check him out, up there in the picture above. He's simply adorable.

Anyway, they all claim my tear duct will in fact come back to life at some point, thus supposedly there IS light at the end of this eyeball tunnel, afterall. Of course that's what THEY say. However, according to the Linda School of Ophthalmology, I say it's but a 50/50 chance. So, I'm giving this deal but one more week... and then of course we shall actually SEE. Pun intended.

For now however... am off to have yet another contact inserted. And, ask for a couple of Ludes. If only.  

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