Friday, March 25, 2016


Or better yet... what a relief I HOPE it will be. See how happy and smiley I am in the picture up above? Yeah... well, that was shot taken about a week before all this crapola began. 

Man. What a crazy ass thing this deal is. For those of you who remember... at this time last year I could hardly stand and/or walk due to lower lumbar back problems. I was not only in the worst pain I've ever felt... well, except for the kidney stone I had several years ago maybe... but I also totally wanted to cash things in and just kick the bucket altogether. So get this...

Apparently, right smack out of the blue, the same pain has decided to return. Granted not with the same horrible intensity mind you, but still... enough to make me simply miserable for the past three months. And kinda like last year... I almost want to cash things in and just kick the buck once again. 

Month One I just lived with the pain. Month Two I went to the doctor and got some anti-inflammatory meds which did absolutely nothing for me. Finally, Month Three I went to my bone and joint specialist who ordered an MRI. Don't f'ing ask. I totally don't do well going into tubes allowing my claustrophobia to kick in and scare the livin' shit out of me. Hence if I was going to have to do this procedure, I told the specialist to definitely give me calming meds that would render me just short of being knocked out cold. Which he did, and which worked perfectly well as it turns out.

So last week I had the open MRI and today I went back to the doctor to review the results. Uh... they weren't catastrophic but they weren't so hotsi totsi either. Turns out the imaging showed exactly what was going on which boils down to: a protrusion between my lumbar 4 and lumbar 5 discs with some stenosis (whatever the hell that means) which in turn was pressing against a nerve. Thus accounting for the  pain I was experiencing the past 12 weeks. BTW... this is a watered down description of what I think the doctor was saying but whatever. I zoned out after the next part. Anyway...

I of course, simply wanted narcotic pain killers and call it a day. But the doctor said: not so fast. What you really need is a cortisone shot in between the two discs which would 1.) kill the pain for a long time, hopefully and 2.) maybe even reduce the pain for ever. WHAT?? A SHOT IN MY LOWER BACK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WITH A LONG ASS NEEDLE? A PROCEDURE THAT COULD IN MY MIND BE AS PAINFUL JUST IN OF ITSELF AS MY LOWER BACK IS RIGHT NOW?? Omg. Don't even ask how long it's going to take for me to wrap my head around THIS new deal. My heart started pounding immediately from the second the doctor told me about all this crap, right smack up to this very exact moment. It's just crazy. In the meantime...

I eventually said to the doctor: Okay. So I have to have this procedure. But up until the day I have it done... uh... what pain meds can I take NOW to give me some relief? He didn't want to go down the narcotic road unfortunately but he did give me a script for 45 Tylenol with Codeine pills. Thank God. Am happy to say I've already taken two and am totally hoping I'll be walking around much happier in no time at all. Otherwise I just may have to resort to my own personal drug store and search for some Vicodin or Oxycodone. All I know is: I'm so not happy about having shots jammed into my spine. It was some bullshit office visit is all I can say. 

On the other hand, I also happened to have an appointment with my internist later in the day, for my quarterly sugar results and yippee. My numbers are good plus I lost yet another 3 pounds. In fact, I haven't been this weight in God knows how many years and if this keeps up I'll be withering away to nothing. Well... until the shot in the back bit, anyway. Which will be in Month Four, btw. I so will be filling my face with every dessert and french fry known to man to help ease my anxiety. Jesus. Talk about being major freaked. Although there were tons of people in the doctor's office who told me they knew plenty of people who have had this shot bit and it was a complete breeze. Yeah, right.    

By the way... Month Five will be my birthday month and I so would love to have all this behind me by that time. Especially so I can then celebrate with a fantastic white sheet cake with white butter cream icing and a side of chocolate rocky road ice cream! For THAT I totally can't wait. Assuming of course that the spine shot doctor doesn't screw up and render me incapable of walking ever again. Should that God forbid happen, you can be sure this will be the last birthday I'll ever see. I don't do well with pain but I certainly don't do well with immobility. 

Which brings me right back to that happy picture. Memorize it given it could well be the last time I'm walking around thrilled to be smiling. In all honesty however... I do have high hopes for this spinal shot to be successful and to actually do the trick. What I'm not thrilled about is what's going on in my head until the deed is actually done. 

Maybe the high faluntin' restaurant I'm going to for dinner tonight will help to ease my worries. If not... a Junior Whopper with fries and a shake certainly will. I so have to consider eating this sometime next week.            

Tuesday, March 15, 2016


Fridays have certainly been one of my alltime favorite days for ever. No wonder... it's the WEEKEND! Although, once I was in college... and from there on after, I totally decided weekends began on Thursday afternoons. Kinda like: time for the pre-weekend festivities to kick in with mighty gusto. Besides... all my favorite Must See TV sitcoms like Cheers, Friends, Seinfeld, etc. were on Thursday nights. Even Taxi, I believe. So boom. There's proof enough that the weekend was well underway. Getting back to Fridays however...

As many of you may know... I simply adore Bill Maher. Who is on television Friday nights. Along with my other favorite btw: Shark Tank. In the meantime, I watch Bill every week, and trust me... the weeks' he's off are major bummers for me. When he's off for the summer months I want to slit my wrists altogether and I totally await with bated breath his return each autumn. It's kinda like a Xmas morning for me. YIPPPEE. BILL'S BACK. LIFE CAN RETURN TO NORMAL ONCE AGAIN! Besides... now that Downton Abbey is kaput I need Bill more than ever.

Therefore you can only imagine how thrilled I was to hear he was coming to my local indoor arena! Oops. I mean US Cellular Center which apparently is what it goes by nowadays. Regardless... talk about being tickled pink. I had seen Bill Maher when he was there a few years ago and was pretty stoked he was now back once again. Even better was the deal whereby we decided only hours before the show to see him and yet we could still get excellent seats (fourth row, right of center) for a totally reasonable price. Well... if $100 a ticket is in your price range that is, but who cares. I always figure: it's WAY less expensive than flying out to California and paying for hotel, food, transportation, etc. Oh yeah. I almost forgot...

I totally thought I would literally keel over btw, given we parked in a lot behind the arena and I am so telling you... the semi long walk around to the front of the building was completely on an upward slant, getting higher and higher with each step. MY CALVES WERE KILLING ME. Also... it was COLD that night so I had on my heavy winter coat, etc. and by the time I got to the front door I was practically in need of a bed for a nice, restful nap. Not to mention possible resuscitation. Jesus. It was so nuts. Actually... up until that evening I was thinking I should make my annual appointment for a stress test at the cardiologist but man. After that walk... I decided I passed the stress test with flying colors save for the fact I was surely about to expire. Anyway...

As you can see from the crappy cell phone picture up above, I did indeed make into the arena alive and was soooo excited to see the show. What really got me was the fact that this place is obviously HUGE and I am basically living right smack in the middle of the Right Wing Bible Belt... yet the place was packed to the gills. Who knew I was living amongst so many other political liberals? Not to mention highly educated. Seriously... this area is loaded with Southern Baptists. Not at this event, however. Were this a holy roller Evangelical tent event, the place would have been standing room only, with overflow all over the downtown streets, trust me. But whatever. Even more surprising btw, was the fact that sitting right smack behind me sat my eye disease specialist whom I figured would be the last person I'd ever expect to see. Yay Dr. L.! Regardless...

Bill Maher had the arena FILLED with people just craving to hear his take on the political state of current affairs. Which was pretty fortuitous btw, given it was also the day of the Republican South Carolina Primary which if you'll recall, was a landslide for Trump. This was SO up Bill's alley. His entire show was nothing less than brilliant. I cannot TELL you how much I laughed nor how spot on he was in each and every observation of the recent political circus. For a news junkie like myself this was major heaven on earth. 

I am trying to remember my favorite bit of his, but I swear to God, each one was even better than the other so I guess it wouldn't be fair to call out just one. Which is also a polite way of saying: who the F can even remember, given I'm old and the show was like what? A month ago maybe? Just take it from me... the entire show was simply fantastic.     

I guess the only other thing I can tell you is... if ever you're in the mood for some highly intelligent discussions and equally intelligent views via Bill Maher, not only watch his show every week, but certainly be sure to see him if ever he comes to your town. You so won't be disappointed. You'll roll on the floor laughing your ass off and you'll be in an arena with like minded people as brilliant as myself. (I know but I just had to throw that in)

Lastly... while I was with Bill right after the polls closed in South Carolina let me just say tonight the polls in North Carolina closed about 15 minutes ago. I am almost afraid to watch the results although I will so be glued to my TV. I Felt the Bern alright, and voted for Sanders in early voting but I am pretty sure Hillary will take the night. Trump on the other hand? 

OH. MY. GOD. This guy should make you SHIVER with fear in the unlikely event he wins! Holy Fuck. If he wins tonight and then goes on to defeat the Democratic candidate PACK YOUR BAGS NOW. In fact... here's a great educational article I can offer up for us in case we DO have a President Trump. Grab Your Suitcase Scroll down and you'll see just what we need to know about moving to Canada. LOL 

I particularly love the last item we need to know which is: learn French. Which is way too bad given I myself am schooled in Spanish only. On the other hand... if I go to Toronto... that city and a slew of others, are heavy into English. Whew.

In closing: while sitting here, I just heard Trump won Florida over Rubio. YIPPEE. I hate Lil Marco. Although I will admit... he made an excellent point whereby I'd LOVE to know what sort of package each of the candidates are sporting. Takes judging a book by it's cover to a whole new level, right?? However... Lyndon B. Johnson wins that prize, hands down, but whatever.

Regardless, we're major screwed no matter who wins the Republican Primary which makes me only want to be sure to hear Bill Maher even MORE this week. I urge you to do the same.