Friday, March 25, 2016

OH WHAT A RELIEF IT IS


Or better yet... what a relief I HOPE it will be. See how happy and smiley I am in the picture up above? Yeah... well, that was shot taken about a week before all this crapola began. 

Man. What a crazy ass thing this deal is. For those of you who remember... at this time last year I could hardly stand and/or walk due to lower lumbar back problems. I was not only in the worst pain I've ever felt... well, except for the kidney stone I had several years ago maybe... but I also totally wanted to cash things in and just kick the bucket altogether. So get this...

Apparently, right smack out of the blue, the same pain has decided to return. Granted not with the same horrible intensity mind you, but still... enough to make me simply miserable for the past three months. And kinda like last year... I almost want to cash things in and just kick the buck once again. 

Month One I just lived with the pain. Month Two I went to the doctor and got some anti-inflammatory meds which did absolutely nothing for me. Finally, Month Three I went to my bone and joint specialist who ordered an MRI. Don't f'ing ask. I totally don't do well going into tubes allowing my claustrophobia to kick in and scare the livin' shit out of me. Hence if I was going to have to do this procedure, I told the specialist to definitely give me calming meds that would render me just short of being knocked out cold. Which he did, and which worked perfectly well as it turns out.

So last week I had the open MRI and today I went back to the doctor to review the results. Uh... they weren't catastrophic but they weren't so hotsi totsi either. Turns out the imaging showed exactly what was going on which boils down to: a protrusion between my lumbar 4 and lumbar 5 discs with some stenosis (whatever the hell that means) which in turn was pressing against a nerve. Thus accounting for the  pain I was experiencing the past 12 weeks. BTW... this is a watered down description of what I think the doctor was saying but whatever. I zoned out after the next part. Anyway...

I of course, simply wanted narcotic pain killers and call it a day. But the doctor said: not so fast. What you really need is a cortisone shot in between the two discs which would 1.) kill the pain for a long time, hopefully and 2.) maybe even reduce the pain for ever. WHAT?? A SHOT IN MY LOWER BACK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WITH A LONG ASS NEEDLE? A PROCEDURE THAT COULD IN MY MIND BE AS PAINFUL JUST IN OF ITSELF AS MY LOWER BACK IS RIGHT NOW?? Omg. Don't even ask how long it's going to take for me to wrap my head around THIS new deal. My heart started pounding immediately from the second the doctor told me about all this crap, right smack up to this very exact moment. It's just crazy. In the meantime...

I eventually said to the doctor: Okay. So I have to have this procedure. But up until the day I have it done... uh... what pain meds can I take NOW to give me some relief? He didn't want to go down the narcotic road unfortunately but he did give me a script for 45 Tylenol with Codeine pills. Thank God. Am happy to say I've already taken two and am totally hoping I'll be walking around much happier in no time at all. Otherwise I just may have to resort to my own personal drug store and search for some Vicodin or Oxycodone. All I know is: I'm so not happy about having shots jammed into my spine. It was some bullshit office visit is all I can say. 

On the other hand, I also happened to have an appointment with my internist later in the day, for my quarterly sugar results and yippee. My numbers are good plus I lost yet another 3 pounds. In fact, I haven't been this weight in God knows how many years and if this keeps up I'll be withering away to nothing. Well... until the shot in the back bit, anyway. Which will be in Month Four, btw. I so will be filling my face with every dessert and french fry known to man to help ease my anxiety. Jesus. Talk about being major freaked. Although there were tons of people in the doctor's office who told me they knew plenty of people who have had this shot bit and it was a complete breeze. Yeah, right.    


By the way... Month Five will be my birthday month and I so would love to have all this behind me by that time. Especially so I can then celebrate with a fantastic white sheet cake with white butter cream icing and a side of chocolate rocky road ice cream! For THAT I totally can't wait. Assuming of course that the spine shot doctor doesn't screw up and render me incapable of walking ever again. Should that God forbid happen, you can be sure this will be the last birthday I'll ever see. I don't do well with pain but I certainly don't do well with immobility. 

Which brings me right back to that happy picture. Memorize it given it could well be the last time I'm walking around thrilled to be smiling. In all honesty however... I do have high hopes for this spinal shot to be successful and to actually do the trick. What I'm not thrilled about is what's going on in my head until the deed is actually done. 

Maybe the high faluntin' restaurant I'm going to for dinner tonight will help to ease my worries. If not... a Junior Whopper with fries and a shake certainly will. I so have to consider eating this sometime next week.            

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