Sunday, July 14, 2019

PRIME

It could be argued that I’m sorta still in the prime of my life. I particularly love prime steaks and I love lots of prime time TV shows, too. But MOST OF ALL… I love Amazon Prime!

It is by far one of THE best inventions ever. Seriously. Ever.

To me… anyone who isn’t a prime member by now, totally has to maybe be… well, let’s see. How can I say this kindly? Uh… maybe be a loser of sorts?? I mean, really. It’s like they are still living in the past century or something… although I will admit the whole Prime deal was launched in 2005 so okay. Perhaps just a partial loser. And btw… for those of you doing a school report, Amazon itself came into being in 1994 so you’re welcome for the info. And btw… I myself have been an Amazon customer since 1998.

Frankly, I am not even sure I can live without Amazon. My first Kindle was purchased in 2007 and I paid major bucks for it, but it was soooo worth it. In fact, again for those doing school reports, the first Kindles were sold out in 5 and 1/2 hours and took another five months to restock it. Now THAT’S what I call a retail winner.

Nor can I live without Amazon Prime. I click a button and it arrives at my doorstep in 48 hours?? What the hell can possibly be BETER? Nothing! That’s what. I use Prime for everything from toilet tissue to vitamins. I love never having to go to a store for non perishables. Like dog food, lets say. Or personal hygiene products. Or my favorite lip stick. Or gift wrap items. Or linens. Or ANYthing. Not to mention, techie toys.

Additionally... I ADORE my Echo Dot. I have two them, actually, and use it almost everyday. Goodbye alarm clock. Goodbye cooking timers. Goodbye radios. Goodbye home weather stations. Goodbye LOTS of things. The best part? Listening to Sirrius satellite TV stations! Plus… Alexa is a pretty kind lady. She’ll tell you to have a nice day if you say Good Morning to her. Or Sweet Dreams if you say Good Night. Okay… those last two make me laugh right out loud but still… she’s a really kind person. What?? Alexa isn’t real?? Talk about living in the Age of the Jetsons. Oh yeah… I love when she give me phone numbers although using a phone book is something I stopped using years and years ago. Oh and get this…

Amazon's Prime Day sales begin tomorrow!  All KINDS  of Amazon Deals for Prime Members are being provided. As if 2 day shipping isn’t enough, right? Already I purchased  four items for my dog from their Early Day offers and guess what. Boom. The  items are sitting here in the house, before Prime Day even begins. Man. What a set up, is all I can say. 

And yes, I get it that Amazon has driven plenty of stores and companies out of  business. And yes, Jeff Bezos probably breaks every privacy law known to man but… would I give up my Amazon accout or Prime Membership??? Absolutely not. I’m not only hooked. I’m grateful, too.

For a lazy ass lady like myself, this concept of online shopping is sooo up my alley. I’m just totally sorry I won’t be around to see what OTHER fantastic technical ideas are coming down the pike. Unfortunately I’ll be on the other side of grass in what? About 10 more years? Which means: I’ll miss seeing some even GREATER inventions. Damnit.

Of course, I’ll also miss seeing Prince William become King which trust me… breaks my heart but PLENTY.


   

Saturday, July 13, 2019

OCD

I think I may have written something about this before but I then figured, if I can’t remember, then I suspect you can’t either. So with that in mind…

It wasn’t until I was about 60… 11 years ago now… that I began to develop crazy ass behaviors that I’d not had before. Case in point… when I turned 60, boom. All of a sudden I became spooked by other people’s germs. Seriously. I would NEVER take a grocery cart today without first wiping it down with those fantastic little sterile wipes they offer us at the cart stands. Actually, it could possibly be THE most perfect invention ever. Before I was 60, no problem. I’d touch every cart in the store if I wanted… all without sterilizing the handles. TODAY however?? No way.

At 60, I also began my first entry into the world of OCD. Like… after my housekeeper leaves my house when she is finished cleaning, if there is even one item not placed exactly as I had it on a table for instance, it takes me no time at all to put it back, facing it in it’s original position. Like my Mother’s photograph, let’s say. I need her frame to be facing at a very specific angle and if when cleaning, my housekeeper puts it in a DIFferent direction, then I have to correct it the moment I see it.

Oh man. This type of deal can go and on in my house for all kinds of things. My eye has to have THE  exact spatial relationship and direction in which I originally placed an item. And, if you think this is an easy behavior to maintain, trust me. It’s not. On the other hand…

I’m not really too too crazy with my OCD. I mean… there are people who are WAYYY into all kinds of bullshit compulsions but luckily I’m not one of those. I don’t go check locked doors over and over again before I leave the house or anything like that. Granted… I won’t put up with men who come to my home and leave the toilet seat up but actually, I suspect that that disorder is covered by my germ phobia, so I’m kinda good to go.  Regardless…

My latest OCD problem??? You will never believe this! It began about 2 months ago and frankly, it’s become a major pain in the ass! Yet now, it’s officially and permanently ingrained in my OCD list of crazy ass everyday funtioning. Want to know what it is?? Sitting down???

As of about 8 weeks ago… I now HAVE to set the volume of my TV on even numbers ONLY! Seriously! IT’S NUTS! Watching a progam set on a volume number of 35?? Absolutely not! It now has to be set at either 34 or 36. Can you even IMAGINE?? Where the fuck did this new behavior even COME from?? For my entire life, I was able to set the volume, happily I might add, at 29 with no problem. Two months ago however?? Jesus. It has to be set at 30. Or 28.

I HAVE by the way, TRIED to do odd numbers, but something in me just won’t allow it. I know. I’M READY FOR THE FUNNY FARM and I’m not particularly pleased about it, either. If someone else had told me they just HAD to do this crazy volume control deal, I’d tell them to check into an institution immediately, But since it’s me, I just tell myself: Hey… do what you have to do and deal with it. End of funny farm worries. Oh yeah. And btw... what's with this every channel having a different volume level altogether?? No wonder I'm going nuts.

Which reminds me. Is the whole country having to go without Directv's CBS at the moment?? It's blacked out all over?? I can't believe I'll have to forego CBS Sunday Morning yet anOTHER week! It's maybe the finest show on the airwaves and bingo. It's gone! 

For which maybe I should be happy. At least there is one show for which I don't have to worry about volume numbers. The only problem is: I'm not happy. BRING BACK CBS, please! My addiction to Sunday Morning needs feeding.  



Thursday, June 27, 2019

URGENT CARE

Not in a lonnnng time have I been as shocked as I was earlier today. It was just so crazy that even now… hours later… I simply can’t get over the conversation I had with my son. I was floored, to say the least.

I’m always thrilled to hear his voice, so naturally, when he calls me, I am tickled pink to hear from him. Especially since he recently moved to a new job opportunity in another city, for a nice pay hike and in a position he is loving.

My son became a Certified Physician Assistant several years ago and for the past few years, he had been working at an orthopedic surgical office; seeing patients, being on call, making rounds each morning and assisting in surgery for legs, hips, etc. He needed to also submit very detailed reports for each of his patients, and during football season, he then had the additional responsibility of being at the local highschool games each Friday night in case there were injuries on the field. Bottom line: a LOT of work and very few hours for down time. Plus… he was on a salary thus, he could never earn overtime for lots of what he did. Anyway….

A couple of months ago, he was eager to move on. His first choice was to work in the Emergency Room but there were no openings at the moment so instead he began looking into Urgent Care possibilities. Bingo. He found a position that offered considerably more money, far less paperwork and MUCH better hours. That’s the good news. The bad news is… it was 4 hours away from me. Regardless… 

My son has been there about a month now, and everytime I hear his voice, he sounds happier than I’ve heard him in a long time. Basically… he is thrilled. I am pretty sad. Then again… when your kid is feeling so damn good, who can complain, right? Okay. So….

When we were talking today, he was telling me all about work, how he’s currently the main medical guy in the place, how the patients are, etc. etc. I then happened to ask him a question and it was at that moment I became stunned beyond belief! Off the cuff, I just happened to have asked what sort of ailments do the patients have, anyway.

OMG. He answers me by saying that for instance: in past couple of weeks, he had to do 3 internal exams on women who had discomfort, infections, problems, whatever.

WHAT?? MY KID IS NOW A  F’KING GYNECOLOGIST??? SINCE WHEN DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN??? HOW DOES HE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO INTERNAL EXAMS?? I could hardly beLIEVE what I was hearing.

You should have HEARD me after that announcement! SERIOUSLY. I piled on question after question, alright! My first question was: WAIT. ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU INSERT A  SPECULUM INTO WOMEN FOR AN EXAM?? To which he answers OF COURSE. To which I immediatlely said: HOW DO EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?? To which he said: I learned in P.A. School. By now, my head is spinning. I asked a hundred other questions about this, and he willingly answered them all, one by one. Throat exams. Okay. Body rashes. Okay. Nail fungus. Okay. Sinus infections. Okay. Prescribe drugs. Okay. Even vertigo. Okay. BUT INTERNAL EXAMS??? What the hell??  

I just can’t get over it. Sometimes I laugh at this newfound information. Sometimes I calmly process this info. But mostly… I FLIP OUT. It’s soooo not what I was expecting his having to do at urgent care. Man. Talk about being naive. I mean really. I would NEVER in a million years have figured he'd have to be THIS invasive with women but then again, I guess if she is in major discomfort and she can't get in right away to see a GYN then boom. My kid needs to help her out. And btw... I didn't even want to get into what he may need to do to help MEN in a critical situation. Don't ask. Oh... plus, he was telling me about how he has to deal with STDs the patients may have! Lordy, lordy, lordy. I can't even. In the meantime though…

My son is just so happy with his new job. He was telling me that this new position is exactly why he went to P.A. school. To be a part of medicine. Versus what orthopedics is about: which is more about bones and physiology. Hence, he is just sooo glad he made this move. And, I must admit… while I miss him alot, I’m am pretty damn proud of him.

Oh yeah. Not only does he love his hours, and salary hike, but he also loves his just built, brand new 2 bedroom loft! Now, that’s a bonus alright.







  



Monday, June 24, 2019

LONG TIME, NO BLOG

Dedicated to Laura: who has waited ever so patiently for me get my ass in gear. Finally.

Geez… talk about time flying when having fun. I mean, seriously… it’s been over a year since I’ve last posted and why it’s taken so long, I have no clue. Other than I just didn’t feel like doing it. Or… maybe I was just too busy watching my bustline getting way too close to my waistline. A great gift from the aging process, btw. Or maybe as I age, I'm just getting way too boring, even for myself. In any case…

A year goes by and then I think: Okay. Here I am, having turned 71 just a month ago, so what the hell. I might as well add an entry. I mean really. Just how lazy can one woman be?? Which means… those like Laura, and a whole bunch of my faithful readers, can rest easy. HERE I AM. Hallef'ingluyah.

Which is kinda good news for you, given many folks have written saying: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, ANYWAY?? Actually… Laura called, but it’s nice to be missed, regardless.

Well… wait no more. Yippee, yippee. Am happy to report all is great despite my being another year older. The first thing that comes to mind to tell you about, is the fact my main doctor… my internist… decided to fire me as her patient after about 6 years together. WTF???

F. HER is all I can say.

Who the hell fires a patient, especially one as cooperative as me?? I mean it… I’ve been with that practice for over 18 years and then all of a sudden I get fired?? Jesus. This doctor can rot in hell for all I care.

I should have gotten the gist of things when my original doctor at this practice, and then 3 more doctors after her, eventually left the practice altogether. Jesus. I so hate this last lady, now.

Turns out, unbeknownst to me, last month I had a bad urinary infection. Plus, I could hardly breathe, to boot. I was even admitted to the hospital and naturally, after I was all spiffy again, I was told to then follow up with my primary doctor. My internist. Which I did, about a week later.

That’s when the Witch Doctor basically got really annoyed with me because I had asked that we do a follow up urine test to be sure the infection was indeed gone. Reasonable enough request, right?? Apparently not.

The doctor got all hot and bothered over my suggesting such a test to which I told her… uh, how ELSE will we know I’m completely okay? I didn’t even have symptoms in the first place, alerting me to said infection, so how the hell will we know it is in fact gone if we don’t retest? What an asshole.

It finally got to the point where the doctor literally started walking out of the examining room and I was forced to say: HEY. TIME OUT. I’M STILL SPEAKING TO YOU. To which the medical bitch says:

I’ve DO have OTHER patients to see, you know.

I was pretty shocked, to say the least and all I could think of to say was: OKAY. YOU WIN. And bingo. She walked out, leaving me to find my way out to the check out desk.

GO TO HELL YOU F’ING DOCTOR. I HATE YOUR GUTS AND HOPE YOU DROP DEAD AND GO TO HELL. Come  to find out btw… about 35 other people have also left this office in the past 18 months, let's say. What a surprise, right?

So anyway… the very next day after this bullshit encounter with the damn doctor, I get a call from her office manager. UH… I’M CALLING YOU TO SAY THAT DR. SO AND SO DECIDED YOU’RE NOT A GOOD FIT AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. Huh??? After years and years?? Is she nuts?? Besides, WHAT other doctor?? The manager suggested I try someone else in the practice and I simply told her: THANKS, BUT NO THANKS. Code for: F you too, office manager. 

I was done. Of course I was also now without an internist and a way to have my scripts written.

Man… I never heard of such a thing!! Seriously… they can all go to hell as far as I am concerned. That’s the good news. The bad news is: you have any idea how hard it is to find a really good internist in this city?? Can’t possibly happen without pulling all sorts of strings. Which luckily, I was able to do. (I love knowing people in high places) So basically it all boils down to: on June 10th I consulted with a new physician, one whom everyone I’ve spoken to, absolutely adores. Granted, she’s about 25 mins. from me, but I can totally see she’s worth the trip.

Getting this new doctor was kinda tricky, btw. She doesn’t normally take on new patients and her desk is FILLED with new patient requests. Yet somehow, yippee. I was able to make the cut and set up an appointment and now, I can happily report the new internist is everything my last one wasn't. Well... unless she takes my Ativan prescription away from me, that is. I will choose to live without blood pressure pills if I have to, or even diabetic pills. But Ativan? Absolutely no way. 

I’m still sort of stunned that I’ve been kicked out of using the old doctor. I swear… I’d been nothing but an exemplary patient. My visits were short and sweet, I was always polite and patient, and once I got all my scripts, I was good to go for the next 3 months. Wow. I guess the lady has this crazy ass attitude about follow up urine tests or something. 

Oh yeah… I forgot to mention: the week before I was hospitalized, I was doing email with this idiot, and she kept telling me she had electronically sent a script to my pharmacist. She said this 3 times and 3 times I told her the pharmacy never got it. That was another argument altogether. Finally I said… I’m not questioning your not having sent the prescription, I’m merely telling you they never got it, despite your 3 attempts. Thus… CALL IT IN ALREADY, DAMNIT. Okay. That last sentence I didn't actually verbalize but doesn't matter. 

You can well imagine how long I dwelt on this latest little experience. And, how often I repeated the story, to make sure everyone I know, learns to hate this witch as much as I do. So far I have to happily admit… I’ve a done pretty damn good job in smearing her name all over the place. Yay me! Now…

On a much happier note let me just say that YIPPEE, I had a wonderful 71st birthday celebration! Friends and I gathered for a delicious brunch, which is totally one of my favorite meals. Especially since it was an upscale buffet which, despite all the germs people probably cough and sneeze all over the fancy food displays, is still my favorite way to down a meal. I totally love looking at a whole bunch of hot and cold entrees and then choosing some of all that I love to eat. I feel like King Henry VIII, feasting on hordes of specialties.

Oh… and by the way… I am pretty much officially now looking like a total old lady. Ugh. I mean it. That youthful glow I had for years and years is SO gone. Don’t believe me?? Here’s the proof:  



Make up and pretty clothing are just not doing their job like they used to, damnit. On the other hand, thanks to Publix FINALLY opening up here in town, I was able to serve a fantastic birthday sheet cake! First time in 16 years!