INCREDIBLY OVERSIZED

I am totally one of those people who believe bigger is better. As in a car, for example. Or a diamond ring. Or even in a slice of chocolate cake. Little bitty entree’ portions that are made for an adult but which really would serve a 4 year old is complete lunacy.

Which is why I love Oreos. Yes… you can eat the really really thin ones, which I have done before, and which have made me perfectly happy. But… Oreos come in all SORTS of sizes and for that, I whole heartedly thank Nabisco for giving me the choice. Besides… there is no cookie on earth that comes in as many flavors as an Oreo… ESPECIALLY the Limited  Edition  ones. You’ve seem them before? The gingerbread flavor. The key lime flavor. The cotton candy flavor. I have one word for those, btw. UGH.

Believe me… I myself am absolutely loyal to the one and only original flavor… the chocolate ones! Red Velvet Oreos? Uh… total loser in the taste department, if you ask me. Granted I have fallen for the golden flavor a couple of times I think, but seriously…. chocolate Oreos are sheer perfection. Here… take a look at some of your choices. Can you even believe it?? Now THIS taste kitchen is definitely where you want to be!

And... as I’ve mentioned, not only do you get zillions of flavor choices but you ALSO get an astounding array of crazy ass size choices. Including the mini bag size which you can basically eat while merely strolling through the grocery store looking for OTHER foods. Check this out.

Given I am a self proclaimed expert on Oreos, I have happily come to the conclusion that the Mega Stuf is the only package to keep in your pantry; I have it in mine as we speak. And btw… you’re welcome for my taking the time to test all the sizes for you, since yes… size matters!

Which brings me to the most unbelievable one yet.

THERE’S NOW AN EVEN BIGGER SIZED OREO  ON THE MARKET! IT’S WAY AMAZING!

Seriously. My eyes nearly popped right smack out of my ever loving head when I saw them! I mean it! It looked like a freakin’ birthday cake sized Oreo! Here. LOOK! Can you fucking believe it?? Man. Hats off to the guy who invented THIS.

Which of course only means… just how long you think it took for me to log into Amazon and buy a bag? Think: SECONDS. It is called the MOST STUF and it’s HUGE. It’s also $30.00 a bag, but who the hell cares. When you see something this astounding you just HAVE to try it. And trust me… I will. On or about Wednesday, I think. I also think I should have some sort of ceremony for the unveiling of this tasty treat. The creation of other dessert possibilities with these are simply limitless, if you ask me. Although I am pretty lazy, so I’ll probably just stick to the cookie as is.

Oh yeah. If you REALLY want to learn about the origins of this cookie and a HOST of other foods… you so have to head on over to the History Channel and set your DVR to FOODS THAT BUILT AMERICA. It’s an oasis of great programming all about the beginnings of true American food. In this particular case, search out COOKIE WARS and boom… you’ll learn all about Oreos. 

Once you’ve seen that episode, totally go check out the shows on candy bars, cereals, fast food hamburger chains, pizza chains, fried chicken, etc. etc. These are perfect shows to watch while folding laundry, btw. Just saying. Talk about a plethora of interesting but useless information, which is so up my alley. It is just ASTOUNDING how all these people persevered in developing these food stuffs when others… like me for example… would have definitely given up in the first 5 days.

What I find interesting about myself is that while I adore fine dining and delicious delicacies of all sorts, I ALso adore pure crap junk food. Hence my love of Oreos. Indeed… French pastries for example are an unbelievably epicurean delight and I down them with pleasure anytime night or day. But… should you invite me to dinner and say we’re going to McDonald’s my first reply would be: GREAT! I LOVE BIG MACS! Which btw, you can totally learn all about in the Foods That Built America series. 

In any case… in the next few days I should be getting my first package of THE most expensive Oreos I’ve ever eaten. Not that I won’t order more mind you, given it IS afterall, a Limited Edition. I’ll hate to be enticed by this amazing cookie only to find out OOPS. THEY NO LONGER MAKE THIS SIZE. Of course why they would ever stop production of the MOST STUF is wayyy beyond me. 

All I can tell you is... stay tuned folks for the actual review. Which I can almost guarantee will be absolutely quite excellent! You can keep your Ginger Snaps or Pumpkin or Cinnamon cookies. Although you can certainly share your chocolate chip ones with me, if you'd like. BUT... make no mistake about it... Oreos are definitely No. 1 on my list. And, should be on yours too! 

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS???

 

You better sit down for this... it’s a crazy story, alright…

So quite accidentally, during the height of lockdown last year due to Covid 19, I met a friend on an online game I play. I knew nothing about this person nor did they know anything about me. Actually, for all I knew I could have been playing with a 14 year old idiot. I was wrong.

Turns out, this person was not only FAR from an idiot, but someone who was my age, someone with whom, come to find out, I shared a lot in common and someone whose brilliance struck me immediately. Their sense of humor was SO quick and so up my alley thus, I spent many a happy hour almost giddy over the pandemic given I was laughing my ass off while playing this online game daily. 

Best of all, we shared a HUGE dislike of Trump, both of us tremendously fearful of his re-election in 2020. Which is the reason we even connected in the first place since the Trump cartoon they used for their avatar was totally irreverent and hilarious. Put all this together and before you know it, we began a most wonderful new friendship. One which slowly but surely, over the year, grew... and soon before you knew it, we began to spark a deeper feeling for each other. Little by little we then began to slowly learn more about each other and well… you can pretty much figure out where all this is leading. Eventually we did email, then several months later, we did phone and by the beginning of this year, we even did FaceTime. 

Finally, this past May, we had both become vaccinated so there was only one thing left to do. You guessed it…

TO FINALLY MEET IN PERSON.

I know. A courageous thing for us to consider, but after all this time, we had high hopes for what could possibly be a happily remarkable adventure. At our age? EEKS. But… we had complete trust in this friendship and in each other, so we took the plunge and decided to make plans to meet. I invited him to my home for a 2 week visit and I can not TELL you what a wonderful time we had together! Really. Am I a brave woman or what? Well… he must be too, but who’s counting. But never for one minute did I think this visit was going to be anything BUT stupendous. And boy, I was right!

In any case… talk about a miracle of miracles. I mean, seriously… at our age, who even exPECTS to find someone about whom you could so become crazy? Certainly I never did nor do I think he did, either. Enter: karma. Talk about God working in mysterious ways.

Anyway, we luckily ended that visit with even richer feelings about this new relationship and lo and behold… guess who will be moving here next spring, so we can live out the rest of our lives in sheer bliss? WHOA. Am I a lucky woman or what? And… want to guess who is here right now as we speak, for yet anOTHER visit? This time for a delightful 5 weeks! Uh… could I BE any happier? Man. This is all just so crazy, but oh so fantastic. Talk about good things come to those who wait. 

Of course we are still pretty much freaked by Covid, for it only seems to be getting worse. Lucky for me however, this gentleman is basically as lazy as I am thus we spend pretty much all day long just hanging around the house with no particular place to go. Well… except to make runs to different restaurants for food pick ups. When we don’t do that, I pretty much whip up a perfectly fine meal here at home. I just can’t get over what a perfect match up this is for enjoying the company of someone who doesn’t require a lot of busyness. Plus... a major bonus: he likes to stay up late and arise even later. So up my alley.

I mean… let’s say this was the sort of person who couldn’t wait to wake up at 7:00, ready to hit the hiking trails. Or hit the gym for a good workout for a couple of hours. Now THAT could have been a deal breaker, alright. Nope. Instead, he is very content to hang out in the recliner, iPad in hand, watching Fear Thy Neighbor which btw… is something I would NEVER before have considered viewing yet happens to be a pretty decent show afterall. At least for the first 20 times you watch it.

The episodes are all true stories and pretty much entails a happy little neighborhood, with happy little people. Until that is, a new neighbor and his family moves in and boom. The new neighbor decides all is not particularly to his liking so bingo. He needs to kill one of other neighbors in just a month or two. I know… for a couple of highly informed and educated people we apparently require very low brow programming.

Another thing I love about this relationship is that it is just so easy. No worries about building a career, no worries about raising our children, now worries about bullshit in-laws, and no need to dress in anything other that that which is comfort clothing. Factor in no real need to actually GO anywhere and whammo. I’m in hog’s heaven. There are zillions of other things I love about this new adventure but who has time to even list them all.

Suffice it to say… I so seem to have struck some sort of gold here. Worth way more than the price of real gold which btw… is now once again headed up to almost $1800 an ounce, for anyone who is interested in such things. Who says I don’t have a wealth of information to pass along? Finances. Fashion. Politics. Food. You name it... I can supply it. I'm just lucky that way, I guess.  

Regardless… the gold I have found in this new relationship brings a much richer value than any ounce EVER could. Hence, the bottom line to all this? Easy... Yay online games!

ARE THESE THE CUTEST SHOES EVER?

So I was going through my bedroom drawers the other day and boom. What do I find but these adorable shoes which made me smile  beyond belief. How many times you think I tied these? Uh… hundreds maybe? No wonder. My son must have been about three years old when he wore them pretty much every day to pre-school. I could eat him up every day during those years… so adorable. So innocent. So trusting. And, probably so often a pain in the ass.

But be that as it may… I could and did kiss him all day long. He was full of spirit and was catching on to what the world at large was all about pretty damn quickly. It actually took years for him to figure out that his father and I were the ones who were in charge of his life and I do have to say, we weren’t always successful.

He was so bright from the get go hence he could totally run my house. He knew exactly where everything was... well, except for my husband's porn tapes... and how things operated on a daily basis. Which is why at the age of 3 I had my first live in help given he could so be my second pair of eyes and ears in case Marie ever wanted to fudge on the rules of the house. She never did, but just in case, my son could set her straight in no time at all. I loved those years.

Of course today, my kid wears a size 13 shoe so you can be sure he still rules the roost. Well… to a degree, anyway. On the other hand, he is way hipper than me and pretty damn brainy. He’s got his pulse on how and what the world is all about in today’s society but, then again, he totally doesn’t have my experience nor wisdom. So basically… it all works out in the end.

Granted, I’m still the rule maker whenever he comes back home for a visit although I will admit that when he does, I’m so thrilled to see him that I pretty much do whatever he wants given I love seeing him happy and smiling. I know. I’m a major sucker for this kid.

I also found a bunch of other things in my drawers. Things that should have been tossed years ago. Talk about separation anxiety. Case in point… I would never wear panty hose. Why would I ever want to  create yet another bulge at my waist line? I wouldn't call that a particularly attractive look. Hence the answer for me for the past 40 years has always been thigh highs. A perfectly excellent invention if you ask me.

On the other hand, why, at my age, would I ever need 40 pairs? I can’t even remember the last time I even wore a pair. Honestly… it was ridiculous. I went through them all and kept about a dozen… all in different shades and textures of black, white and nude but how much you want to bet I don’t even wear those in the next 10 years! Much like the never before worn bunch of leather gloves my Mother bought 60 years ago while on a European vacation which are basically fine for the hands of a 12 year old. Again… out they went.

In the meantime, I would NEVER let go of my son’s first shoes. As I said, I smile every time I see them. I did have his very first pair of sneakers bronzed. He must have been a year old, I bet. Maybe even younger. Nor would I ever throw out all the cassette tapes I recorded while he and I were playing when he was about 1 to 5 years old. Hearing his baby voice once again thrills me to no end. How this kid brings me joy, even to this very day. 

On the other hand… ditching a lot of my OWN shoes is never a real problem. Me? I’ve got zillions so kissing good-bye to a dozen or so at a clip is never an issue. I’ll always have plenty from which to choose. And actually, the ones I do decide to keep, also give me a bit of a smile. As does clearing out several of my dresser drawers. Purging is always a good thing. And at my age… a total necessity. Who needs all this crap anyway? Oops. I mean… all these fine, extraordinary treasures.

I discovered that purging clears my mind and basically... no longer living within a mindset of conspicuous consumption is totally freeing to one's soul. I do not horde but man, it was so time to find a new home for so many items. Naturally, my next hurdle will be to once again go through my 3 closets and my kitchen. Don't ask. 

The bottom line to all this? I suspect I'm just a major sentimentalist. I love enjoying memories of things that touch my heart. And honestly... what could touch your heart more than your own child. Or even pictures of everyone who is or has been someone you love deeply. Talk about making your life richer. Speaking of which...

About a month ago, I decided I wanted to become filthy rich. Thus I decided to buy scratch off cards that have the potential of bringing in loads of money. Now THAT would make my life richer by leaps and bounds. If only. Therefore, if I never again post another blog entry ever... you'll totally know why.   

 

DEAR FUCKED UP IDIOTS...

Yeah. I’m talking to you… you idiots who refuse to get vaccinated. You’re fucked up and you’re assholes and I hope you kick the bucket. Granted this conclusion is a bit harsh. But… unless you’ve got a legitimate doctor’s order why you should not be vaccinated… then you totally don’t deserve for me to be gentle and you certainly don’t deserve to be hospitalized with even the HOPE of recovery. Why medical staff should even waste their time on you is beyond me.

WE TOLD YOU TO GET THE VACCINE. WE TOLD YOU IT WOULD SAVE YOUR LIFE. AND BTW, NO… YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO FORGO A SHOT AND THEN KILL OTHERS IN YOUR HOME AND/OR IN YOUR COMMUNITY DUE TO YOUR STUPIDITY.

It just galls me to hear the reasoning all you idiots are touting, too.

YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY RIGHTS.

I’M WAITING TO HEAR MORE FROM THE SCIENTISTS.

I’VE ALREADY HAD COVID AND NOW I’M PERFECTLY FINE.

THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE VACCINE. 

COVID REALLY ISN’T THAT BAD.

Seriously? So when you are pulled over by the police for either you or your child not wearing a seat belt… you simply tell them… HEY! DON’T TAKE AWAY MY RIGHTS YOU BASTARD! I ALONE GET TO CHOOSE IF I WANT TO KEEP MYSELF OR MY CHILD SAFE FROM DEATH OF A MAJOR HEAD ON COLLISION WHILE ON THE ROAD! Which reminds me btw… you also get to choose whether or not you need auto insurance in case you maim another driver? Yeah. See how far THAT takes you in Traffic Court.   

Since when do YOU have a medical degree? When’s the last time YOU were in a science research lab? When’s the last time you even visited your local morgue? Honestly… your fucked up arrogance boggles my mind. May the variants hit you and hit you badly!

I naturally got vaccinated back in February… just as soon as my local sites were offering them. And guess what. I’M GOING TO LIVE. Even if I come across one of you idiots, I’ll still be able to come home from the hospital just fine. Modern medicine is a miracle to the western world… and the world over, actually. When you were born you got the Chicken Pox vaccine? Polio? Hepatitis? Diphtheria? Whooping Cough? Measles? And a host of others? Damn right you did. Why? BECAUSE SCIENCE WAS SAVING YOUR LIFE, THAT’S WHY. And… you should thank your parents every day of your life for being responsible and astute.

Oh yeah. Another reason you’re an asshole is because not only are you not vaccinated but you ALSO decided you don’t need to be masked. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F’ED UP MINDS?? Have you not heard any news or read any newspapers in the last 12 months?? Let alone the last 12 weeks? THE SURGE IN COVID CASES IS HUGE. This deal will be with us for EVER if we adopt the attitude of your morons! I would NEVER consider going anywhere without a mask. Yet another reason you’ll be deservedly in the ground and I’ll be happy as a lark living my life in perfect health.

Another thing that gets my goat are all these stupid ass Republican governors. They should be shot given they are totally putting all their citizens at death’s door. Do they in fact care so little for their constituents who btw, will so not be around to re-elect them in 2022?? Man. I’d pack up my bags and leave the state so fast it would make your head spin! 

This DeSantis character is someone whom I’m almost willing to bet has a family who hates him as much as I do. Of course he is eating right out of the hand of the biggest crook in history, all in the name of hoping to be elected to some high falutin’ office in the next couple of years. SHOOT ME NOW. Mr. Donald Crook (who HAS had a vaccine), Mr. Ron DeSantis and Mr. Rand Paul (who WON’T say whether or not he’s had a vaccine) should ALL go to hell in a hand basket… only after dying a slow, mean death due to covid. If only.

Anyway, as you can see, I hate all you fucking idiots with a passion. You have no right to compromise me or my loved ones or even YOUR loved ones. You have no sense of intelligent thinking let alone wisdom. You were born into the greatest country on earth and yet you mock your countrymen by your ignorance and arrogance. WEAR A GOD DAMN MASK. GET A GOD DAMN VACCINE. And if not… drop dead and rot in hell before you take someone else’s life. You’ll be doing all of us a favor.