Remember how, in a few posts back, I had mentioned I would make a might fine free lance editor, given I can spot grammatical mistakes in a flash? How I can catch spelling mistakes or refine sentence structure in a in heartbeat? And, how I should definitely get nicely rewarded in payment for this talent of mine? It’s true. I really WOULD make an excellent print editor. Well… guess what. Turns out I’m a total sham. And, I’m none too thrilled about it, either.
The craziest thing happened to me this evening. Shocking, almost. I can’t even believe it. Especially since I’ve been writing this blog for years and absolutely NO one… ever… has brought to my attention what a glaring, unacceptable mistake I’ve been making all this time. I am STUNNED. Not so much over the fact no has ever alerted me about this crazy ass error, but more… the fact I even MADE this mistake in the first place. That I haven’t even caught it mySELF, is nuts. Indeed, I’m an embarrassment to all writers everywhere. Amateurs OR professionals. Talk about flunking Creative Writing 101.
So… I have this friend. We chit chat about all KINDS of things all the time. Naturally, my favorite topic being… that we are pretty much two of the brightest people we know. Why even lower ourselves to discuss weighty topics with others, when the two of us are far and beyond, above all others in the intelligence department. Yeah. Well… so much for our being so damn smart. Especially me. Apparently I am a major loser. Man… how easy the high and mighty fall.
As it happens, this friend of mine has a sister. A sister I am sorry to say, I have never yet met, given it’s hard for me to believe there are TWO of these people running around on the planet. If she is anything like my friend… and I almost want to say they possibly could be two peas in a pod… then I totally can’t wait to perhaps actually meet her in person one day. For from what I know about my friend, and from I’m told about the sister, I will so enjoy her company... laughing my fat ass off but plenty. And trust me… laughing is my third all time favorite thing to do in the whole wide world. You can almost guess my first and second choices. Eating french fries is one. You can figure out the other yourself.
In any case, during a recent conversation between the friend and the sister, in spite of our thinking how fucking intelligent we are, it just so happens the sister is WAY more intelligent. Apparently SHE should be the editor of the written word. Why? Because in seconds flat of viewing this blog, she caught something neither my friend nor I ever did. And by the way… neither did any of you! Turns out…
During their conversation, my name came up, as did my blog. And apparently, the sister, being the astute woman she is, did indeed check out the blog only to discover… you sitting down?… that for about 15 years now, I’VE BEEN MISSPELLING PART OF THE TITLE ON MY BLOG HEADING!!
Are you kidding me??? This must be some sort of joke!! In alllll these years, I’ve never once caught it??? Oh man. Talk about humiliating! I SO have to give this woman a major prize for reading this one time and boom! She sees the mistake in a heartbeat! WTF???
Okay. So here’s the deal. Every time you, my reader, open my blog site, you see the blog title, first and foremost. And btw… the title is an IMPORTANT item, right? Some might even say THE most important item. It tells you exactly what you will be reading, so you get to decide for yourself: should I waste my time reading this crap from an old lady or shouldn’t I? Well… of course, if you ask me… I’d tell you ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD but more importantly, you might even want to find a way to get me published. But whatever. And besides, who ELSE is better at wasting your leisure reading time, anyway?? In any case….
For 15 years, I’ve had this title as my main introduction, only to NOW learn I HAVE ASTOUNDINGLY MADE A HORRIBLE, UNBELIEVABLY STUPID SPELLING ERROR. WHERE YOU ASK? NONE OTHER THAN… IN MY ALL IMPORTANT TITLE HEADER! And… it’s been like that for EVER. Omg. Blogger.com should throw me off the site imMEDiately for bringing them such shame. I would totally deserve it.
Alright, So about the heading. It reads: Living As Linda. That’s header number 1. With the next line, header number 2, reading: Who Is Now… OFFICICALLY… A Senior Citizen! I Know. Totally Astounding.
Okay. That’s the way it has read for YEARS AND YEARS. Until recently, when my friend’s sister INstantly pointed out:
UH… SINCE WHEN IS OFFICICALLY A WORD??
Pronounced: uh-fish-ik-a-lee??? An additional C??
Jesus. I can not TELL you how embarrassed I am! Not to mention how SHOCKED I am. What the hell could I have been THINKING all these years?? Well… basically, I WAS thinking what a brilliant woman I am but NOW? Now I’m thinking I’m totally an asshole. Granted… in spite of proofing my posts 3 times before I upload it, I STILL miss a zillion grammatical mistakes, but seriously. IN THE TITLE HEADING?? Omg. That is SO not a cool thing.
UH… ATTENTION ALL BLOGGER STAFFERS: CHECK OUT THIS IDIOT’S TITLE. SHE HAS NO CLUE HOW TO SPELL EVEN THE MOST COMMON OF WORDS. WE SHOULD REMOVE HER FROM THE SITE ALTOGETHER?? DISCUSS AND GET BACK TO US. THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION... THE BLOGGER TEAM.
Don’t ask. In the meantime…
Hopefully, by the time you read this post, the correction will surely have been made. IF I can go back into the layout pages and figure out HOW. Talk about a feat all onto itself. Seriously… there are plenty of times I would have LIKED to have switched up my page design, but I totally have no clue how to do it without completely screwing up the layout. Just my luck. I make the changes I want, then maybe decide to revert to the original design after all.. and then… boom. I have no idea whatsoever how to get back to the layout I had in the first place. Talk about not fixing what ain’t broke. Regardless…
How happy am I now that I know what a jerk I am, finally finding out my writing skills are down the tube? Uh… not very. BUT… that doesn’t, for one moment, keep me from thanking the sister of this friend for giving me a heads up! Honestly… were it not for her, I would so go to my grave thinking I’m still the most brilliant woman I know. Man. Am I ever living in a fool’s paradise.
Now… all I’ve got to do is one day, meet this astute sister! What prize I will bring to her, I have not yet a clue what it will be, but it SO has to be something special. For me, on the other hand… I apparently have to give mySELF... a dictionary. She obviously doesn’t need one.
And oh yeah… for those of you out there who were thinking you would like to hire me as your editor… uh, you might want to look elsewhere. Unless you are into hiring someone who merely makes up words no one has ever heard of before. If such is the kase… am I ever your gell!
I guess we all need to be brought back to earth sometime. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. After all, it really is too much to ask for beauty AND brains! PS You should have said you knew about it all along and just waiting for someone to point it out! (Better yet- just use the Trump treatment and deny it was ever there)ReplyDelete
Actually your friends sister is a HUGE TRUMP supporter, so you are correct - she is brilliant.ReplyDelete
Ask her if she ever visited Yo-Se-Mite National Park or stood on the Pearl Harbor memorial and asked what ship she was on. She could always take the IQ test- repeat these 5 words: LIAR, CROOK, BROKE, FAT, BALD. No one has ever been able to do that before!Delete