Sunday, January 13, 2013
LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
See this picture??? It shows EXACTLY why I'm never driving on the South Florida expressway systems ever again! Let alone any other, for that matter.
The blue line is road upon which we were traveling. The others?? All I can say is: I was totally FREAKED when I saw these hordes of red intersecting overpass lines on Laura's GPS as we were driving last weekend! The same sort of red lines I saw on my kid's GPS as well, I might add. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SOMEONE CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE ALL THIS OUT?? People can really DRIVE on all these crisscrossing highways?? I would totally be having a heart attack were I behind the wheel... GPS or no. Which of course is why I had to quick, snap a photo of all this to begin with.
I can't even believe that I once knew how to do all this. Of course THEN I could actually SEE the overhead signs but that's another story altogether. For now, all I know is: THIS IS NUTS. Absolutely crazy. And scary as shit, if you ask me. NO WONDER I'm now at the age where I need to ask Generation X to please be my chauffeur. Who btw, is next on my list of: PEOPLE I NEED TO HIRE.
Plus... if you think deciphering what the hell lane you're supposed to be in... go ahead and factor in the fact everyone is driving at like 75 mph! Then for SURE I'm too old for all this crap. In fact, when my son was driving me to the Ft. Lauderdale airport, there was a huge stretch where all I saw before me was the road and nothing but CONCRETE CONSTRUCTION going on all around the sides of the road. Really. You saw nothing BUT concrete. In fact, I even had to say to him: DOES THE BUILDING HERE NEVER STOP?? I'm so serious. I told him it was DEFINITELY a concrete jungle!! Of nothing BUT ongoing, new construction of RAMPS AND ROADWAYS!! And... to imagine driving these roads during a thunderstorm???? OMG. SHOOT ME NOW.
Suffice it to say.... a perfect reason if you ask me, to remain forever young. For oldie goldie ME however, thanks but no thanks. I will never drive on freeways, expressways, parkways, whateverthehellways ever again.
Granted... I can handle regular STREETS just fine. Unfortunately, I can't actually SEE the name of the streets until I'm way flush right up next to them, but that's where sheer memory kicks in. And why I love living in my sweet little comfy, slow moving, quiet kind of town. I already KNOW the streets by heart which of course is a big plus. And, if I'm feeling MAYbe just a bit adventurous, I MAY get on the interstate but for no more than perhaps ten minutes at most. After that, I'm a basket case.
Regardless... I am absolutely stunned that the area in which I drove for 50 years is now rendered literally impossible to navigate. Well... unless you take an Ativan first and have a GPS in perfect view and more importantly, have THE LADY ON THE GPS TALK TO YOU SPECIFICALLY as to where and how to proceed. Plus, she needs to give you PLENTY of a heads' up way before you're supposed to switch lanes, turn, etc. Without all that help... you're basically doomed.
Which means... I'm thinking I have what? About five more years before I begin taking applications for that chauffeur I mentioned before? Although I DID tell my eye doctor: I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO LIE TO BE SURE YOU NEVER RECOMMEND TAKING AWAY MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
I figure that's a job only the DMV can threaten to do. And probably will one day, too. Damnit.