Friday, October 5, 2012


Well... okay. Shoot may be a bit harsh but still. I need to do SOMEthing to my next door neighbor.

I live in what is considered a very pretty neighborhood. The houses are modern, lovely and everyone maintains their homes beautifully. Especially the lawns. Whether or not they are slobs inside their homes, I have no clue. But I can tell you this... from the outside, the neighborhood is pristine.

Enter: my next door neighbors. Very nice people, I will readily admit. I even forgave the shiny black pick up truck their teen aged son parks in the driveway since I figured the father wanted to give the kid a really "safe" car as his first vehicle. But NOW? Oh man... now I want to totally shoot the guy.

Turns out my neighbor... and his father and grandfather... went to Clemson University in South Carolina. The son probably will as well. And... all these men are MAJOR Clemson football fans. Which brings me to my being really pissed.

The guy is SUCH a Clemson fan that three months ago, I took a look out my window and lo and behold I see this monstrosity of a VW Van from the 1970s, painted in the most disgusting pea green color you ever saw. HORRIBLE eye sore, for sure! Huh??? How can you even THINK of parking this disgusting car in the driveway of a pretty, upscale neighborhood?? I wanted to throw up.

Little did I know however that the van was a mere canvas, for in about 6 weeks time next thing I know... the van is now painted TOTALLY ORANGE AND WHITE!! As in: Clemson's colors!! From bumper to bumper! To take to tail gate parties during the football season!! The whole f-ing thing is all rigged out in matching curtains, seat covers, throw pillows, spare tire cover, etc. etc. You name it, it's orange and white. I WAS STUNNED. And oh so nauseous. 

Of course the neighbor is on cloud nine. He LOVES his tribute to Clemson. He adored very second of labor that went into developing this crap. I even once asked him: UH... YOU PLANNING ON PARKING THIS IN THE DRIVEWAY??? I was told he was not. It'd go in the garage. 

Unfortunately he lied.

So now, every day during football season, I have to look out my window and see this damn van and I want to kill the guy for ruining my otherwise beautiful outdoor sight. THIS IS CRAZY. Too bad I like the wife, but trust me... several times I've gently let her know it completely sucks.

Only one thing can possibly make me hate this entire deal more. The VOTE FOR ROMNEY sign he now has sticking up on the lawn, by his mailbox! DON'T EVEN ASK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? That's all I needed to make me REALLY want to bitch. Which of course, I did immediately to president of the Home Owner's Association. I now so smell war.

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