TRUTHS

I used to be so smart. About lots of things. But especially about romantic love which for some reason I've been thinking about a lot today. And, all about falling in love, too. I'm pretty much a sucker for every angle of it. 

I've had plenty of practice with all this for indeed I've truly been happily in love a several times in my day. And for that I feel really blessed. But only once... did I REALLY ever fall deeply, madly, crazy ass in love.

Which is why it strikes me as so odd that even to this very day, and apparently not being as smart as I once was... I ache still for the loss the of that one genuine deep love that apparently was never meant to be. What's even odder is I sometimes forget all about the two absolute truths I discovered several years ago regarding love.

One: You'll never have to guess whether or not he's way interested in you. You'll always know it. Because basically... he'll make SURE you know it. 

Two: You'll never have to wonder whether or not he's fallen out of love with you. You'll always know that as well. Because THAT he'll make even plainer than truth number One.  

So it's pretty strange that while intellectually I accept that the single true love of my life will of course never be lived out, emotionally I have never yet been able to totally shake the feeling of disappointment he and I are kaput. That's nuts, right? In fact, they say that time supposedly time heals all wounds, yet I'm kinda thinking... bulls%$^. Especially now since at my age, my days are pretty much numbered. Thus, the countdown to time healing me is, as I see it, becoming shorter and shorter. That SO can't be good.

On the other hand... any love story, any movie about love and/or any love song... trust me... I'm already way into it. It completely knocks my socks off. I've read them all, seen them all and sung them all. Which is why I'm still very much a romantic at heart. I believe in love. I trust in love. I'd even lie for love.

I can't really tell you which book, song or movie is my all time favorite since to be honest, I adore so damn many of them, you wouldn't believe it. I've even cried over some too. And... of course laughed. 

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY was sheer genius in the hilarity department, but oh man... did Harry ever love Sally when he went to chase her down at the New Year's Eve party. Totally up my alley. And seriously... my eyes still well up everytime I see the last scene of YOU'VE GOT MAIL only because both Tom Hanks and I just KNEW ShopGirl was the authentic love of his life. And, those aren't even the classics, either. Oh yeah... go listen to Roberta Flack one day sing FIRST TIME EVER I SAW YOUR FACE and boom. You'll know what loving means to HER, alright. 

I have a theory btw. In my book... if you pass up on your one genuine love, you then probably pass up on life, too. For, to me... that's exactly WHY God gave us emotions in the first place: TO FALL MAD PASSIONATELY IN LOVE. Which btw, IS the strongest emotion in the human species. Second probably being the painful loss you feel when your said love slips away. Which naturally is why Valentine's Day is such a success. A MAJOR success I might add. Besides, you're SUPPOSED to live happily ever after. 

I sort of have to smile when I think about my own personal zest for life and love. Cause when you have zest, you always have a chance for falling in love all over again. Living on memories is great when let's say your parents pass away. When it comes to romance and passion however, it's all about moving forward and being guided by the truest joy known to man. And to woman. 

Which only means maybe it IS time for me to stop pining away for all that which has since passed. Afterall, truth can only set me free. As in: One and Two. 

Yippee. Maybe I'm not so dumb afterall.

OH SO THANKFUL

I'm pretty damn thankful this entire weekend. No wonder. MY KID IS HOME. How much do I love that?? It's just so great when he is around. Even though as we speak... he's taking a time out, screwing up our entire dinner schedule by sitting and watching the Florida/Florida State game in spite of the fact he told me ten minutes ago... OKAY. LET'S MOVE IT. Naturally, I got ready to do so, bundling myself all up given it's 39 degrees outside, only to find out... uh... he's rescheduling the departure time altogether since Florida just scored. Duh... I finally got the message and had to get all de-bundled.

Still... it's fantastic having him here, though. We had a simply delicious Thanksgiving Dinner with 12 of us gathering together and man, was I psyched about the stuffing that I had been looking forward to days before. I don't know what got into me... I was like CRAVING the stuffing this year. Anyway, I ate that and all the other goodies and let me tell you there were goodies gaLORE. I was in feast heaven.

Yesterday my kid and I spent what? Like three hours maybe at the Verizon store?? But it was totally worth it since... Yippee. Thanks to my kid's excellent knowledge of all things techie, I got a fanTAStic new HD phone and I absolutely love it. After dinner tonight, apparently I'm also getting an external hard drive. Naturally, not for me... but for him. However, who cares. I love seeing my kid happy. Which btw, he is right this minute given ANOTHER touch down just occured.

Anyway... we were outside a bit ago, staring at the GREAT job he did in hanging our Xmas lights earlier today. As of three years ago, I never in my entire life, had Xmas lights outside my house. Boom. My son, out of the clear blue sky, then decided one Thanksgiving, he's beginning a whole new tradition. BINGO. HE'S HANGING A BUNCH OF LIGHTS. He does a damn good job, too, I must say. Both of us btw, want to shoot the people across the street, since every year they seem to up the ante by going all out with THEIR lights. You have no idea. Today they added a whole new deal with these two beautiful huge lit potted plants on the sides of the front door. AND they even string lights all up the walkway to the front door. SO NOT FAIR.

Oh yeah... we also had to make a stop this weekend at Piggy's... our favorite ice cream hang out. Since when does he love mint chocolate chip, anyway?? I couldn't even eat my own sundae damnit... was still too full from Thanksgiving dinner AND the lunch that we had yesterday at my favorite sandwich shop. 

OMG... THEY JUST SCORED AGAIN. Don't ask what's doing with the cheering that's going on in the family room. Even I had to go check it out.  

In the meantime, I am just so thankful for soooo many things but I'd have to say... at the top of my list is my kid. I'd kill to have him living back home once again but a.) he'd throw up at the idea and b.) I'd have to stock all 17 of his favorite salad dressings in my refrigerator once again. So not going to happen.

THE KING

Well... this was a pretty spiffy week, if you ask me, which included, amongst other things... my TV debut with my plastic surgeon. I SO can't wait until 12/20 when my brief... but should have been WAY longer... segment will air on our local TV station. The entire deal was amazing. In fact, when I first walked into the station itself, I walked up to the receptionist and said: HI. I'M THE BRAND NEW ANCHORWOMAN. WHERE SHALL I REPORT?? To which of course the lady laughed with a smile saying basically: YEAH, RIGHT. The entire incident made ME laugh right out loud.

I got a major tour of the station, saw lots the TV personalities in a briefing room of sorts and then naturally began to panic that I'd forget all the things I needed to say on air. Oh yeah...due to technical difficulties, literally, we had to tape the segment twice; but that merely helped to ease my nerves so actually... it was to my major benefit.

In the meantime, I've also had company the past few days this week and had a great time. We celebrated their 65th birthday and we did it in style, alright. We even got to see LINCOLN which was sorta new given I can't even REMEMBER the last time I got out of a movie at midnight. Talk about feeling like you're in your 20s once again! However....

The real star of our celebration was probably last night. No wonder. We went to see THE KING. Kind of anyway. We went to a cover concert of Elvis Presley and do I even need to TELL you what a fabulous time I had? Holy Baholy. Probably my ALLTIME FAVORITE rock and roll, ever. There's a picture of the singing star of the night up above, at the beginning of this entry. Nice, right?? 

The guy who did the concert was not trying to BE Elvis. He was merely SINGING Elvis. And boy did HE ever do an astounding job! The theater was going nuts with delight. His voice was spectacular and the band was INcredible! All within like what?? 30 feet in front of me, maybe?? Oh man... talk about being in sheer heaven. Having front row center seats didn't hurt, either. It was kinda like a theater in the almost round, but I did get to stare at the stunning guy singing throughout the entire show.

When first we sat down, I noted right off the bat, a BEAUTIFUL woman, about 40 maybe... sitting in the first seat of the front row to my right... and pegged her as the girlfriend of the pretend Elvis. Man. WHAT a couple they made. 

I thought I would DIE when he pulled her up to the mike to sing DON'T as she stared into his eyes and glowed in his words. I would have too. Now THERE is a song that I'd kill to have the love of my life sing to me. And... when he sang AMAZING GRACE I thought I HAD died and gone to heaven. SUSPICIOUS MINDS, BURNING LOVE and I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU also threw me straight up to the stars. LOVE ME put me right up in the stratosphere altogether.   

Anyway, I just can't begin to tell you how out of my mind I was during this entire performance. It was nothing short of magnificent. And mind you, I HAVE seen Elvis live, when he was at the Hollywood Sportatorium back in the 70's. I was just so happy spending the evening hearing some of my very very favorite music. 

Okay... so the guy sang his heart out and ended the show about two hours later. I wished I could tell you what song he ended with, but I simply can't. With good reason, too. Because... get THIS:

By the time the last song came around, the crowd was pretty much rocking. Including me, for sure. THEN... out of the clear blue sky... I look up and WHOA NELLIE. Right before me is the GIRLFRIEND! The singer's girlfriend!! And what does she do, but, whammo... PULL ME RIGHT SMACK INTO THE CENTER OF THE DANCE FLOOR WHERE SHE IMMEDIATELY BEGINS DANCING WITH ME ALL OVER THE PLACE. I'm telling you... I almost could have switched teams RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Well, not really, but she WAS hot. All I could think was: 

OH. MY. GOD.

It was crazzzzy. She and I were having the time of our lives. Needless to say... the first thing I ask her above the loud music is: HOW LONG YOU TWO BEEN THIS MADLY IN LOVE??? She tells me: four years!! Has GOT to be the best f'ing four years of her LIFE. And... she was a GREAT dance partner, too, btw. Can you IMAGINE?? Which reminds me...

This is the second time in about a year that some stranger and/or actor has come and pulled me right onto the dance floor with them. The other time was when I went to see THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY and the Big Bopper grabbed my hand and HE TOO started dancing all over the aisle with me.

So I'm sorta thinking there's a lesson in all this. First... go listen to some fanTAStic rock and roll. Second... get front row seats, I guess. THEN...sit back and wait. Who knows? Maybe YOU too will rock your ass off while you're dancing all around the room to some of the best music EVER.

Better yet... go with ME. We could BOTH be singing and dancing to our hearts' content. Now... THAT'S what I call living!

FOOTNOTE: For you know who. Just LISTEN to the quality of his clear, deep, OH SO S E X Y voice on this soundtrack. Kill me now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ppm-eFrv0e0

SUNDAY = SHOPPING

So as I've mentioned before I've pretty much declared Sunday as the day I head out to the grocery store. Maybe Saturday, but not normally. Anyway, it is still becoming a real eye opener for me.

Case in point: had Bonnie ever come home telling me they no longer carry caffeine free Diet Coke I would NEVER in a million years have believed her. It's like IMPOSSIBLE that such a product is no longer to be found in this particular store. But, sure enough... THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED. For three weeks straight now, I've marched myself to the Diet Coke aisle and holy baholy... IT'S NO LONGER BEING STOCKED. WTF??

I can't even believe it. To ME that's like saying: SORRY. WE'RE NO LONG CARRYING PAPER TOWELS. What can these people possibly be thinking?? And, to find out... you can be SURE I've spoken to every Ass't. Manager, Manager, stock people, cashier, etc. in the store. Yada yada yada. They all give me some song and dance, but the bottom line is: no more caffeine free Diet Coke. It's gone forever I guess.

Which is pretty disturbing news, if you ask me. I have been a COKE fan for the past 40 years. I snorted it once in my life in fact, in my early 20s maybe, but gave that up lickety split. On the other hand, I do love to drink it. Diet Coke has been my chemical of choice and about 5 years ago I became a devoted fan of the CAFFEINE FREE Diet Coke. Now, they are FORCING me to switch teams and move on over to Diet Pepsi. Thank God I still get THAT sans caffeine.

Granted I COULD go to some other grocery store and get the Diet Coke but what a hassle that would be. It's enough I even get to my closest grocer as is. Drive an extra 9 minutes out of my way?? So not happening. Besides...

How else could I have possibly seen the guy in the parking lot who could barely stand, walking with his walker VERY SLOWLY and hop right smack into his way beat up crappy looking truck... TO DRIVE OFF!! I couldn't believe my eyes. This old geezer can hardly walk, but he's able to operate a moving vehicle?? Almost borders on Al Pacino, playing the blind guy driving the Ferrari in Scent of a Woman. But whatever.

On the other hand, I WAS able to discover that this store sells lobster tails and some great looking prime rib roasts which I'll need for my out of town company next weekend. Who knew?? I'd definitely trade in the caffeine free for THOSE goodies in a heart beat.

JUST DESSERTS

I so love poetic justice. Kinda like: getting what one deserves. Which is funny, now that I think about it... given that just within the past couple of months, I have actually had a situation whereby this entire concept came into play perfectly for me. 

Unfortunately, I had a little personal soap opera going on for a while but lo and behold... what'd ya know. I not only came out of all the crapola, but came out on top too! Yippee. Thus I pretty much feel totally vindicated and happy that once again, poetic justice shone down upon me. Trust me... doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me 

In the meantime, forget about poetic justice. Tonight I'm talking it's counterpart, so to speak. As in: just desserts. LITERALLY. Because get this. I'm soon headed out to possibly my alltime favorite kind of party... DESSERTS ONLY!

Oh man... already my mouth is salivating just trying to imagine what will be on the serving tables. I can almost promise you that I will bypass the puny little vanilla cookies, should there be any, and move right smack over to the decadent chocolate cakes and brownies. And, cheesecake and lemon pie. And, God only knows what else. Mentally I'm almost daring the hostess to serve me something that will knock my freakin' socks right off.

I'm thinking that I'm supposed to have actually eaten dinner first, before I show up at this party. But sorry Charlie. The desserts are damn well going to BE my dinner. Kinda like: key lime pie can be my salad. Chocolate layer cake with butter cream icing can be my entree and oh, I don't know... maybe chocolate covered date nut squares can my veggie?? THEN for dessert... I should only BE so lucky as to find cherry cheesecake! A huge, way oversized, fancy schmancy cup cake perhaps??

I know... I know. The best part of the party SHOULD be enjoying all the other couple dozen guests and mingling and chit chatting with them. All of which I will in fact be doing... but for ME?? The main draw is definitely going to be: just the desserts. Now... if they happen to serve champagne along side all this?? WHOA. A NIGHT IN SHEER HEAVEN.

Indeed, I will miss the host and hostess who are returning to Florida for the winter. And, I'll be really thrilled when they return once again next Spring. But... for NOW?? All I can say is THANK YOU LINDA AND PERRY for this absolutely wonderful Good Bye Evening. Maybe upon your return you can consider a LobsterFest?? Now THAT would be sweet.

I'M GONNA BE FAMOUS!

Oh man... I can't even believe this. FINALLY. My 15 minutes of fame is apparently on the horizon! Well, okay. More like 15 seconds, but who's counting. Matters not for it's going to be great, regardless.

So last night, out of the blue I got an email from my plastic surgeon. Whom I love dearly and for whom I would do almost anything. So when he described his proposition to me, I WAS ON BOARD WITHIN A HEART BEAT. Get this...

Dr. Harley is going to do a couple of very brief interviews on our local TV station. I of course already told him they need to be way longer, but whatever. In the meantime, the first interview will be all about his Biltmore Lift procedure which basically takes crappy looking people like me and then recreates them into the most shockingly improved, almost very pretty faces you ever saw. I'm living proof, as you well know.

So... the proposition Dr. Harley had for me was: if he does the first interview by himself, would I be interested in doing the second interview WITH him?? OMG. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE MY REPLY?? SIGN ME UP. IMMEDIATELY!! This is soooo up my alley.

Apparently I must be the most DRASTICALLY improved face in his practice, for believe me... there are zillions of other people he could have considered. However, Dr. Harley felt I would fit the bill just fine since he finds my personality just the right fit for TV. Let alone for promoting his genius like work. Which believe me, I shall do with sheer PLEASURE. I've raved about this guy ever since my very first consultation.

Anyway... all I know is that a week from Friday, I shall join him at the TV station, sit down and give a three minute interview reiterating all my accolades of the doctor and his procedure... from the patient's point of view. Which I figure should be pretty easy. I'll merely look into the camera, put on a smile and simply say:

HEY... YOU'VE GOT A CRAPOLA LOOKING FACE?? NO PROBLEM. CALL DR. HARLEY IMMEDIATELY AND LET HIM MAKE YOU STUNNING. I DID AND I'VE BEEN ON CLOUD NINE EVER SINCE. NO PAIN. NO PROBLEMS. NO REASON TO WAIT. Boom. Done. That just about covers all the bases, don't you think?

I'm pretty psyched about all this, I must say. I'll probably need heavy meds to calm my nerves, but who cares. I'm with a doctor! Who by the way, I can only pray doesn't hog my air time. HE can be on TV any damn time he wants. I on the other hand, get only a one shot deal.

Besides, I have yet to see my face plastered on every billboard in the city, so I can't really count on THAT venue for my becoming famous. Instead, I'll have to depend upon my local TV station to do the trick. And, yes... I've notified every human being I've ever spoken to, to be on the lookout for this infamous interview. What a life, huh??

IS THIS NORMAL??

So today I was pretty busy. Busy doing something I have been wanting to do for for over two years. As in: Go through my closet. Particularly... go through my black pants and my solid black tops, to weed out the undesirables, so to speak. Thus making things way less cramped.

For years... I have basically color coded my entire closet. Which by the way... I should also mention was one of three main reasons I bought my house in the first place. For the first time in many years, I now have a closet that actually fits all my clothing, which I will admit... is a wardrobe that could easily clothe at least 5 women beautifully. THUS I WAS THRILLED WHEN I SAW THE CLOSET SIZE. It measures 14 feet long and 6 feet wide. You'd think it would be large enough to house all my clothing, right?? Yeah... well guess what... NOT NECESSARILY.

There is about 12 feet of double rods on each side of the closet, double shelving above each rod, about 4 feet of shelving behind the door and then... I had additional shelving built, up against the back wall. Don't even ask.

Yet in spite of this wonderful space just how long you think it took me to fill it with all my clothes, accessories, shoes, handbags, hats, jewelry, nightgowns, etc. etc.?? And, that's not even counting my COATS which I keep in the hall closet. Oh man... I'm totally out of my mind. BUT... I'm also well dressed. So go figure. In the meantime, I have combed through the closet several times in the past six years, TRYing to shed all the unneeded apparel.

Lotta good that did me. BUT TODAY... today's task was to go through the 53 black tops I have. I already went through the 34 pairs of black pants. Unfortunately, when all that was said and done... I was able to discard only about 4. The tops on the other hand... whole other story. 

I LOVE MY BLACK TOPS. You can see them up above, all hanging on a garment rack which I rolled into my bedroom so I could REALLY carefully consider each. STAY OR GO?? I was able to get rid of about 15 tops, maybe. AND THESE aren't even the 10 black tunic tops I have hanging on the other side of the closet!! Nor does this include the 15 black PRINT tops I have, either. ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE IN MY CLOSET. So... back to my original question: IS THIS NORMAL???

Don't answer. I already know. F*$# NO THIS ISN'T NORMAL.

But, it does make it pretty easy to dress for any occasion and to pull an outfit together 1-2-3. And to look pretty damn decent every time I walk out the door. Thank GOD my mother isn't here to see this.

Mainly because these shirts in the picture above are only the BLACK ONES. Doesn't even account for the WHITES, REDS, PINKS, BLUES, YELLOWS, GREENS, and BROWNS... all of which are next in the color coded line of hangers. Oh man... I am soooo outta my mind. I know... it's major crazy ass... but I can't help it. I'm almost sure my Mother would tell me I'm way over the edge in terms of a needed wardrobe. My explanation however would be:

But Mom... I need light weight, heavy weight, dressy, casual, fancy fabric, everyday fabric, long sleeved, 3/4 length sleeve, round neck, vee neck, waist length, hip length... you name it, I need it. And uh... apparently I've got it.

So yippee. I AM making headway. Sorta. Which now only means: in a few weeks from now, I better then go through the OTHER two closets I have in the other bedrooms. Man... I SO have got to get these surplus garments to a woman's shelter lickety split. Or... buy a new house. Talk about separation anxiety.

YESTERDAY I WAS OLD...

Today I'm fat. I SO LOVE THIS! These apps keep me so busy and so hysterical that it's crazy. Can you beLIEVE this pict?? It's like I gained 300 pounds overnight!!

Oh man... I so wished they'd make more apps like this. Actually today I downloaded a new one...  the UGLY APP... so I suspect that pict will be showing up any day now. Can you even imagine what a combination of old AND fat would look like?? OMG... I'm laughing my ass off as we speak.

I know. I know. Most people are downloading the weather, news, movie, whatever apps, but ME? I'm way into the funny and freaky looking ones. Speaking of which, I sent the picture of the old me to my kid... his reply was that he hates these deals. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING?? HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THEM?? They keep me happily occupied way more than I'm  embarrassed to admit.

Now... if only I were high while doing all these. Then I'D really be rolling on the floor. Although I'm tickled plenty as is, believe me. A few years ago, I did a deal on Facebook that showed what I looked like as a high school graduate in about 10 different decades. IT WAS FANTASTIC. They were CRAZY looking. You can only imagine what THOSE picts were like. Me as a graduate in 1950?? 1970?? 2000?? Etc. Etc. You should SEE those hairdo's they put on me.

So all I can say is... for now.... I apparently have to go on a diet pretty quickly and lose my 300 pounds. Mainly because I SO don't want to have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Which they DO make you do if you're obese, btw. Speaking of which... a long time ago I wrote a blog entry about the laugh of a lifetime that I had when I was with my sister at a doctor's visit. The doctor had the NERVE to look at my body mass ratio deal and actually DEEM me obese!! WE BURST OUT LAUGHING given yes... I'm a bit chubby. Okay. I'll buy into that. But OBESE?? Absolutely no way whatsoever.

When THAT happens, I'll be the first to upload a shot of me as a WalMart shopper, I promise. Now THOSE pictures are just plain f-ing freaky! What ARE they thinking when they leave the house, anyway??

OLD ROSE

Remember the lady, Gloria Stuart, who played the old Rose in the movie, Titanic?? She was the one who was basically doing the narrative of the story all about Rose and Jack falling in love. Well... take a look at the old LINDA. Can you believe it?? DO I NOT LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE OLD ROSE DID??

OMG... I so LOVE this pict. I'M AGED 40 YEARS IN THIS SHOT!! Which of course is why I am SO in love with the AGING APP that I downloaded to my smartphone. ISN'T THIS GREAT?? I get to actually SEE what I'll look like as a friggin' oldie goldie lady! Oh man... I could play with this toy for days on end. My friends cant' even get over how much fun I have taking everyone's picture and then bingo. Aging them! They think I'm nuts. Which granted I very well may be, but who cares.

I think I'm merely easily amused, for amused I totally am! Every time I age a new person with the app, I burst out laughing and have the time of my life showing everyone within three blocks of my location. I'm telling you... you have SO got to get this toy. It will make you roar every time you find a new victim. Oops. I mean a new friend to age.

Today I was at a fancy schmancy luncheon when the shot up above was taken. I was dressed in a stunning deep charcoal knitted maxi dress, had on beautiful charcoal stockings, black patent shoes and was all dolled up in pearls. Very much your prim and proper sort of look. Everyone else was also dressed in very pretty outfits but THEY were busy acting lady like and sophisticated. I was busy snapping photos of anyone sitting within ear shot of me, then immediately applying it to my new app and then... busy laughing my ass off like crazy! I can't WAIT to show this to my kid! Oh yeah... I EVEN DID HIM from a picture I already had! TALK ABOUT FREAKY.

The best part is that I tell no one I'm going to age them. I just point my phone camera at them and direct them TO SMILE. These poor innocent people always comply and THEN within moments I get busy at work doing the aging deal and within just a few more moments... I go back over and tell them: HERE... TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR PICTURE. CAME OUT NICE, RIGHT??  hahahahhahaaa DON'T EVEN IMAGINE MY HILARITY. They are ASTOUNDED. I on the other hand, am practically rolling on the floor, simply crazed with delight and amusement. It's soooo sick, I know, but I just can't help it. I LOVE this toy. 

And, you will too... download it NOW. And then of course, send YOUR pict to me so I can once again laugh right out loud. I'm telling you... this will brighten up any bulls%$@^ day you are having in a NY minute. I promise. 

ETHEL

I can not even tell you just how heavy my heart kind of is, right now. Why you ask?? Easy: I watched the HBO documentary about Ethel Kennedy and am just AMAZED with this astounding woman. Just as I am with Robert Kennedy. Who btw, is as much a key character in the documentary as is his wife. 

I am so telling you... PLEASE WATCH THIS FILM. You will walk away with the deepest respect for this couple and an even greater sense of loss that Bobby is no longer with us than you might already feel.

We all know everything there is to know about Jack and Jackie, but I dare say there is still much to be learned about possibly Bobby and definitely Ethel. For me... certainly Ethel was the least known in terms of details about her personal life and her spoken words... and her part in the Kennedy clan at large. Jackie was always the one upon whom I clung to for admiration, for adoration and for familiarity. SHE always has been... and probably always will be... my alltime favorite. That said...

Move over Jackie... you have got some mighty stiff competition going on here. Man... the story of Bobby and Ethel just has me so moved, it's unbelievable. NO one can possibly walk away from this documentary without a well of sadness and perhaps even a tear, at watching the marriage of these two people unfold so beautifully yet ending so tragically. I just can't find the words to describe how mesmerized I was during this entire film. Besides... 11 children??? OMG.. what the hell was she THINKING?? On the other hand, I am thrilled knowing that while she lost her husband when he was only 42 years old... they obviously must have had one hell of a sex life while he was alive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... Bobby, as all the Kennedy men, had affairs outside their marriages. But to me... they were just that. Affairs. Nothing at all having to do with meaningful love and everything to do with mere hot and lustful sex. In the end, the devotion of both Jack and Bobby was such that they were highly committed to... and more importantly... very much in love with their wives. Joe Sr. and Teddy?? Not so much. But whatever.

Regardless... all YOU have to worry about is just how soon you can get to your DVR and record this HBO special. You will not regret watching this, I promise. The film footage is remarkable and plentiful and the continuous narrative of all of Bobby's children is stupendous. Ethel's narrative is sheer inspirational and movingly educational. I loved every damn second of it. 

TISSUE PAPER

And, I'm not talking the wrapping paper kind of tissue either. Nor Kleenex tissues for blowing your nose. I'm talking about the only kind that REALLY counts... toilet tissue!

To me, this could easily be THE most important discovery since caveman days. Yes, I live per the inventions of paper towels, Diet Coke and the computer, but bathroom tissue??? Probably this surpasses them all in the "must must have" department, if you ask me.

No wonder. I have been blessed, damnit, with a crazy ass digestive system, thus I get major stomach aches all the time. Plus, I apparently have a fine tuned bladder, so what can I say. I've pretty much been FORCED into analyzing this particular product like a retail marketing pro.

Over the years, I have obviously tried all the leading brands and have definitely come up with the only toilet tissue allowed in my master bathroom. CHARMIN STRONG AND SOFT. I think that's the name of it, anyway.

So with this in mind... today was Sunday, which btw, I've recently designated as the day to head to the grocery store. (yes, I'm still feeling the pain of Bonnie still recuperating) In the meantime, after all these years, not only have I become reacquainted with the supermarket, BUT ALSO I made a major discovery today! Get this...

While in the paper goods aisle, I went to buy toilet tissue and.. who knew??... there are actually three different sizes of toilet paper rolls!!! I WAS STUNNED. After examining all the Charmin products, so I could figure out which is the one I'm supposed to buy, lo and behold... I find that the rolls themselves come in either: REGULAR, DOUBLE SIZE OR MEGAROLL SIZES!! Omg... I had no clue. I DID know that I'm very particular about what size I want, but only Bonnie would know which to buy. Today however, I had to figure it all out myself.

Need I even tell you which size roll I always use?? Is there like even a question?? OF COURSE NOT... NATURALLY... THE MEGAROLL SIZE, ONLY. And, I get the huge one with about 12 rolls per package. Which is why today was such a discovery for me. I had to REALLY examine all the choices and only then did I realize for the first time ever... I had a choice of three different roll sizes. Man... where have I BEEN all this time, anyway?? 

On the other hand, at least I knew that I didn't want the blue package... that's the ULTRA SOFT. Which in case you care, is what I need for my kid's bathroom. Apparently he's as particular as I am. The color I want is the red packaging. So basically all this just goes to prove: you DO learn something new everyday, afterall.

Man, am I ever beginning to feel like such an educated consumer. Finally. I know... I know... better late than never, right? My mother would be so proud of me. I think, anyway.    

BOO!

I had a pretty good time last night. I went to a Halloween Party and I loved it for a number of reasons. First of all, it was Monica and David's annual party and each year they wear THE most fantastic costumes you ever saw. Tonight they were dressed as if they were nomads in the desert but I mean... not just any nomads... kinda like upscale Sultans of the desert or something. Definitely like those you'd find living in Mideastern Palaces.

Second of all, the folks that come to this party, by invitation mandate, all have to come in real live actual costumes. I can not beLIEVE the ideas people come up with. They are fantastic! Last year I went as a high class call girl. The guy I went with was dressed as my pimp. Boom. We totally had a great time dressing up. THIS year however, I went as that which I only wished I were: A SOCIALITE. You can see a picture of me up above. Talk about EASY. I got dressed in my regular clothes, added a few touches of fabulous bling and bingo. I was comfy and ready to go. Now THIS costume was an easy stretch for me, for sure. Especially since in my fantasies, I'd KILL to have been a famous, filthy rich New York socialite from about the 1900's. Man, now THEY knew how to live, alright. Oh yeah... check out the fascinator on my head. So like Pippa, right?? That and my ring were my favorite accessories, btw.

Third of all, the food selections at these parties are always fantastic... NATURALLY,  a big draw for me. Granted, it doesn't take much to please my palate, but doesn't matter. I love the delicious choices. I myself happened to bring major fudge brownies that I earlier decided I should bring just in case. As in: I wanted to be SURE there was a decadent dessert of sorts. Uh... mission accomplished.

Fourth of all, Monica goes all out in the decoration department. Even the bathrooms had spooky, life sized creatures greeting you. In fact, when you entered the front door to the party, there was like a six foot inflatable spider with fuzzy hair all over it's legs. Kinda freaky now that I think about it. Even the pictures on the walls were tilted with cob webs hanging all over the place. Am telling you... there is never a question what this holiday celebration is all about.

Which begs the question... what the heck will I possibly be, come NEXT Halloween?? I'm thinking: given my new little boy hair cut... maybe I'll just go as: Easy... a Little Boy. White shirt, long pants, red suspenders, saddle oxfords and a big lollipop with stripes all over it. Boom. I'm good to go. Of course, I have to be invited first.

THE BIRTHDAY BOY

Saturday night I went to a wonderful birthday party. Ed's party to be exact. Ed is a fantastic guy and he had this major celebration at one of his favorite restaurants. Thanks to me, I might add.

It went down sorta like this: Often I walk into this restaurant for lunch and boom. I run into Vicky and Ed. One day they were talking about his upcoming birthday and they were lamenting about whether or not they would have a party. WHAT??? I said. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? OF COURSE YOU NEED TO HAVE A PARTY!! IT'S ALMOST MANDATORY! 

Certainly, given Ed's milestone. Certainly, given his good health. Certainly given his love of happy times. And certainly given all the great family and friends he has who would LOVE to celebrate with him. Uh... including me. So... we chatted about it for a bit and while they were checking off all the reasons it might be tough, I was busy listing all the reasons why each constraint could be overcome. I couldn't be sure whether or not they bought into my theory, but I sure hoped so. REGARDLESS...

My seed was planted in their brain afterall... and what'da ya know?? Next thing I know I see a fabulous invitation addressed to me and bingo! PARTY'S ON. It was great, too. Excellent food, all our friends, his kids, her kids, and yippee. Even champagne!! Who could ask for more. The picture posters made by Vicky were outstanding, btw. All I can tell you is... the restaurant that night was all abuzz with fun, frolic and feast. And with all of Ed's gag gifts. 

My favorite being the one which you can see in the picture up above. HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE INFLATABLE WALKER?? Soooo hilarious!! I voted this the best gift of the night, actually. Although I must say I didn't see any of the others, but this one is surely in the top five if you ask me. I don't even know who gave it to him, but man, do they ever get major points.

So do I, come to think of it. For I am SOOO GLAD Ed decided to have a party afterall. He so deserved it and we should ALL celebrate wonderful milestones. Afterall... at our age, we never know how many we'll even have LEFT. Thus... there's a lesson in here somewhere. As in:

Don't ever pass up on reasons to share good times with friends. God knows, I don't. Besides, it's those exact good friends who will surely be by our side when not so good times roll around. And, they will, trust me. Especially at our age. So roll out the red carpet, find a reason to have a party and ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT. I know Ed did. Need proof?? Here he is, during his speech in which he mentioned ME! 

I'M EFFING STUNNED!!!

OMG... I went to the plastic surgeon for my AFTER shot today.... and just a few minutes ago... HE SENT ME THE PICTURES. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the before picts. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CHANGE?? I am soooo stunned that I just may have a heart attack over the difference which naturally, would be such a shame given the astounding make over!! IT'S NOTHING SHORT OF INCREDIBLE. I mean it.

In fact... JUDGE FOR YOURSELF DOWN BELOW. Whoa... soooo scary to imagine I had been walking around looking like this. Granted the before shot was taken about 6:45 in the morning, but still... would ANY man want to wake up with this creature like woman lying next to him in bed?? NOT EVEN I WOULD WANT TO WAKE UP seeing this.

Yet... alas... I did for way too many years, I'm sorry to say. THANK YOU DR. HARLEY FOR BEING THE GENIUS OF THE CENTURY. How much do I love this guy, anyway?? Especially since I signed a photo release form which I can only PRAY will appear on every type of media known to man. Talk about a walking testament to miraculous events. 

Gulp. Ready for the shots?? Uh... news flash: Maybe you should take a shot of hard liquor before you view these. They're not for the faint of heart, trust me. In which case... good luck eyeing these.

So now you TOO can be in total shock, right? Oh yeah... I so have to get the doctor's camera. DOESN'T MISS A MILLIMETER of your skin. 

LITTLE GIRLS

See these four women? The two on the ends are sisters and the two in the middle are sisters. AND... we were all friends when growing up. And I mean GROWING UP. The middle two lived on the street behind Claudia and I and we played together ALOT since we were like five and six years old.

NOW look at us. OMG... it's freakin' amazing. Turns out I got an email about a month ago from of of the girls up above telling me they were going to be in my area this week. IMMEDIATELY I jumped for joy and made plans to be with them when I got their arrival dates. We hadn't seen each other in over 55 years!!! WHOA. Talk about feeling old.

While I had first caught up with the girls the night before last, we all gathered again last night, here at my house before going out to dinner. There was SO much to talk about. Especially about all the OTHER kids we played with on the block... both boys and girls. Life was so easy back then. We actually had play time outdoors and we actually all played.

Tether ball was a huge hit with everyone and that we played in Ricky M.'s driveway. We also played baseball with God knows what for bases. We all figured the Biro family was nuts but I had no clue Chuck's Dad was an alcoholic until about 15 hours ago. Which reminds me... ANYthing you want to know about ANYbody we played with on the block... go to these two sisters. Apparently there isn't a moment they missed in getting all the gossip about the families then OR now.   

Susan... one of the sisters up above... and I played hopscotch four million times, I'll bet, while growing up. I told her I think about her EVERYtime my knees make a creaking sound lately. I'm so serious. There is no way all that jumping from box to box could have possibly been good for my youthful, developing knees! Besides, we never even heard of athletic shoes way back then, so I was jumping every friggin' day of the week in my crappy ass little red Keds, which I am SURE couldn't be so medically hotsi totsi on the pavement right smack in the middle of the street. Which reminds me... I guess I needed the red sneakers to naturally, go with my red 1955 Rollfast bicycle which I also rode every friggin' day of the week. Wasn't until I was 12 that I moved up to a three speed English Racer, but whatever.  

We also talked about how absolutely FANTASTIC the brownies their mother made always tasted. And, get this... their Mom is STILL ALIVE. Like in her 90's! We talked about everyone else's Mother, too. I mean it was like reliving your very own hardcore, REAL childhood right here on my outside deck with people who actually KNEW you as a child in your childhood. Don't even ask how many times I slept over at Susan's house, btw. Who could count???

All I can tell you is that Claudia and I loved being with these girls once again. If even for a couple of days. The memories and/or gossip was simply spectacular. We all remember our parents who must have been in their what?? 30s and 40s way back then?? We all remember the next door neighbors and the people who lived on every house lining the entire street. And NOW we all know what's happened to everyone of those family members in the past 55 years.

I'm telling you... this entire reunion was just so totally incredible. In fact, major suggestion here: I think you too, need to make contact with someone from your old neighborhood. First of all... they'll be thrilled to hear from you and second of all... if they are anything like these two little girls... you'll find out exactly what happened to everyone you ever played with while a still a kid. You're in for some excellent info, trust me.  

EXPIRING

I well remember how tough things were for my Dad once my Mother passed away. He lived two years longer than she did and during those years he was totally lost. Emotionally and intellectually. I would have done anything I could have to help him and I offered. Unfortunately, he was too stubborn to let anyone do for him that which I could see he wasn't able to really do for himself.

Case in point: after he passed away, Claudia and I naturally had to go through all his office papers, mail that had stock piled, etc. etc. We even found checks issued to him that went back a couple of years and which he never opened at all. He was TRYING to take care of everything but man, was he ever in need of secretarial help. He also didn't do so hot in the grocery and/or refrigeration department, either. As in: had my Mother been alive she would have for SURE gotten rid of alot of food in Dad's refrigerator she deemed out of date. Not so for him however. He figured if the food still looked sorta alive then it was still probably perfectly acceptable for eating. Dad apparently had his OWN timing on what expiration dates for food should be. Forget about what the packaging labels had to say. 

Turns out I think Dad was onto something.

Just after my recent surgery, I had to buy a few packs of frozen veggies so I could apply them to the swelling on my face. Which I did. And... given I love frozen peas and corn so much... I eventually wound up eating them myself. And I loved it. I even made frozen corn my total dinner one night, since I gotta tell you... once I took one bite, I needed another and then another and then another. Eventually I got so stuffed, I couldn't even eat anything else. Bingo. Frozen corn was my excellent dinner.

About a week passed and then one OTHER night I thought to myself: man, I'd sure love to have some frozen corn once again. At which point I literally began rummaging through my freezer and LO AND BEHOLD I found one more package of corn!! I was in ecstasy! Yippee! My favorite veggie.

Then I noticed: Oops. The expiration date was... sitting down???... FOUR YEARS AGO! I think something like 2008!!! Shows how often I check the dates in my freezer, huh?? Talk about the apple not falling far from Dad's tree. I IMMEDIATELY thought of him and then I thought: Well... let's say I was in a war zone or something and I was really really starving. And I found this corn, sitting in the freezer all this time... what would I do?? Would I obey the expiration date?? Or, would I eat it given I'd have been so weaken from lack of food for so long?? Boom. I made my decision: DAMN RIGHT I WOULD EAT IT!

Which is when I opened the bag of corn, thought of my Dad and started chowing down in mere seconds. With happy gusto, I might add. And... I was loving it! I was also thinking: if I have to go to the Emergency Room later in the evening from horrible food poisoning, then so be it. For NOW however... I was relishing the veggies. Thus the idea of my possibly expiring was but a faint concern compared to my momentary delight of eating the corn. Plus... as you can see... I'M STILL ALIVE AND KICKING, afterall.

Which goes to the entire point of exactly HOW TRUE ARE THE EXPIRATION DATES, ANYWAY? Granted, I definitely obey the dates on milk and eggs. Especially since they have never been frozen. But I bet there is a HUGE amount of foods that can EASILY go beyond the point of their life expectancies. Even oral medications, too, I bet. Which is good. I apparently just never know when I'll have to go scrounging again... especially in cases of unexpected veggie cravings.  

GUESS WHAT I DID YESTERDAY??

Yep... I cut it off. All off. As in: a little boy's haircut. And... man, do I love it.

I've been wanting to do this for years... and finally... I got up the nerve. Which wasn't easy. No sooner had I made the appointment last week, than my heart began racing. OMG... AM I SURE?? IS THIS GOING WORK?? CAN I REALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS?? Boom. In a heartbeat, I soon put all my doubts to rest by doing what I always do when I become really nervous. I took an Ativan and moved forward.

YIPPEE. Best decision I've made since... well since I made the decision to have my face all cut up I guess. Wait... that's not necessarily true. I also made another decision just a couple days ago, but that's another story altogether. Anyway...

I can't tell you how much I'm loving this. Apparently other people are, too. Especially Angie, who had the hard part. SHE had to actually CUT IT. She asked me a couple times if I was like "ready" for this... and my reply was pretty the same: ABSOLUTELY. I was psyched and ready for a change and luckily neither of us had any regrets.

I even made Angie save all the hair, which I swept up afterwards and put into a pile for a snapshot of the all the cut hair laying on the floor. It was a MAJOR relief for me. NO MORE crapola about what to do with my hair, when to wash it, how to style it, what product to use in it, etc. etc. FREE AT LAST... THANK GOD ALMIGHTY. FREE AT LAST.

When I made the appointment to have my hair cut, I told NO one. Not a soul. Not even when I went to play Canasta last Monday while with a bunch of friends. In fact... I made a conscious effort that day to see just how many others have short hair and it pretty much boiled to: nine of ten women my age go with short! Which kind of bolstered my resolve, actually. Then.. as folks began to see me in person and realized what I did... they bolstered my resolve even more. Turns out I was right on target in making this move. I got rave reviews.

So Yippee. I'm now hassle free and hair free all rolled into one. You think this was EASY to do?? Not in the least. BUT... am I thrilled I did it? Bet your sweet ass I am! Angie is too, since now, every four weeks, I'll be marching right into her salon, laying down my money and bingo... having my hair cut all over again. It's a win-win situation for BOTH of us. Talk about there's nothing to fear but fear itself.

Which reminds me... I'm now reading a biography about the marriage of FDR and Eleanor. I'm so loving it.

A $698K COAT

See this white coat?? That's exactly what it's called: a WHITE COAT. It's worn by doctors, lab technicians, chemists, etc. I'm thinking this particular white coat cost me oh... let's say: about $698 thousand dollars thus far maybe?? And, it's not over yet, either. This coat belongs to my kid... he got it from Physician's Assistance School the other day and man, is he ever thrilled with it. He should be. It's the most expensive article of clothing he'll ever own. Oops. I mean: I'll ever buy for him.  

My son began the P.A. Program last August. Apparently his first degree from the University of Florida wasn't enough. Nor did he have one inkling of interest in his major. Just my luck. THAT alone cost what? About $60k when all was said and done?? Don't ask. He couldn't have figured all that out in his FRESHman year?? Geez. Anyway, he's now in college again for two years, for this new degree and then he'll spend an extra year in Grad School. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. And believe me... that's not the sound of his eventual salary, either. That's the sound of what I'll be paying to help him GET that salary.

In the meantime, I am simply delighted for my kid. First of all, I love him dearly. Secondly, he is as much me as he is his Dad, if not more so. Thirdly, he's got the most fantastic sense of humor you ever saw. Fourthly, his personality knocks my socks off. Well, when it's not pissing me off, that is. Fifthly, he's so damn entertaining, it kills me. He makes me laugh more than anyone else I've ever known. Sixthly, I love being in his company. Especially since as I said... he's so much like me. Seventhly, he loves me dearly in return.

Soooo, as I said, I'm tickled pink for my son. He sounds great, loves the classes and is studying his ass off in all of them. Therefore, when others bitch that they are not willing to fund their kid forever, I take a different view. I'm more than happy to invest in my own child. Especially since I know it means so much to him AND I'll be assured that once and for all... he'll eventually be off my own particular pay roll at long last. YIPPEE. I'LL TAP DANCE FOR SURE WHEN THAT DAY FINALLY ARRIVES. Oh man. I so can't wait.

As for now... I'm pretty damn proud of my kid. Yes, for the fact he is working hard toward a wonderful goal. But even more so... for letting absolutely no price tag whatsoever stand in the way of a really great piece of clothing. See?? He definitely DOES have my genes, afterall. Talk about the apple not falling from the tree.

KILL BILLs

Geez... I'm so going nuts without Bonnie. Today is Monday and normally she's here to help me pay bills, etc. Except she can't come today given she's had knee surgery and as we speak, Bonnie is living in the rehab place for yet another a couple of weeks. Trust me... I'm in way more pain than she is. Well maybe, anyway.

All I know is that today, once again, I had to pay my bills all by myself. It's a total challenge for me, although I will admit it can't get any easier since I do it all online. AND most of the monthly bills are already set up for a re-occurring payment method. THAT I set up with Bonnie weeks before she had her surgery. So basically... yes... I know it's a completely Mickey Mouse chore. However, that still doesn't pacify me, but so be it. 

Anyway, in addition to paying the bills, I especially hate having to make all the phone calls due to bills that need questioning. There's ALWAYS something that is just a bit amiss. Actually, Direct TV and Blue Cross Blue Shield is high on that list. There is ALWAYS a question that needs to be addressed with those two companies thus that is something I let Bonnie do for me for SURE. I have a question, boom. I hand Bonnie the phone. Except today I couldn't.

Today I had to do it myself. Case in point: I had a bill from my florist and I see that on one particular day, I apparently bought eight stems of Calla Lilies. Except I normally only get four. HUH?? WHAT HAPPENED?? THEY DOUBLE CHARGED ME?? HMMMM. So lickety split, I got on the phone with Pam, asked her what the deal was and only THEN did she remind me that the last time I came in, I ALSO bought four stems for a hostess gift I needed for that evening. OOPS. I totally forgot. See?? My memory IS fried. Pam then said: WHAT? I HAVE TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR SOCIAL ACTIVITIES TOO?? To which I naturally said: YES! Man... I need reminding of EVERYthing at this age.

The other thing I hate about bills is that THEY ALWAYS KEEP COMING. Month in and month out! It's not like you can ever say... OKAY, YIPPEE. I TOOK CARE OF THAT AND NOW I CAN MOVE ON. For next thing you know, you turn around and bingo. BILLS ARE THERE ALL OVER AGAIN IN JUST MERE DAYS. I soooo hate jobs like that. This reminds me of way back when, I'd vacuum the carpet because company was coming over or something, and I'd have to tell my family: SORRY. YOU CAN'T WALK WHILE IN THE HOUSE. I JUST DID THE CARPET. SO PLEASE... JUST LEARN TO FLY OVER IT. But whatever.

At least today I did what I had to do. Pay the bills. And with only one phone call, no less. Which meant that when I went to play Canasta today... I went with a lightened heart, knowing my job here was done. Of course now, I have to go do the damn laundry. Now THAT'S a job that needs doing over and over and over again. Talk about never ending! In my next life, I definitely want a staff. And trust me... I'm not talking the kind that Moses used.

MEGA SHOES

Today I went to a shoe store that is pretty much my idea of heaven.

Granted... it's sort of a pain to shop in due to zillions of crowded aisles, but trust me... the HUGE selection way makes up for the warehouse type environment. Man, I've never SEEN so many shoes in one place.

I needed two specific pairs of shoes. To add to my already 4000 pairs, but who's counting. I needed a pretend UGG type of wool lined boot to take with me to Boston and Newport next month. Turns out the temps there could be COLD and I hate when my feet are not nice and toasty. I also hate paying $150 or more a pair when I can easily get the knock off look for a mere $49. In addition, I needed a pretty, feminine styled short suede boot to wear with slacks, skirts, etc. BUT which also have a smooth lining inside. I want to be able to slip my foot right smack into the shoe without screwing up my fancy schmancy thin knee high hosiery.

Sooooo... earlier today I headed out to this shoe mega store, about 20 minutes away. First thing I noticed when I pulled into the parking lot was WHOA. EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE CITY IS HERE? WTF?? I'm telling you... the parking lot was PACKED. This place must make money hand over fist, for sure!

Second thing I noticed was that if you can't find a pair of shoes HERE then you aren't even trying. It's simply unbelievable. There must be thousands of pairs of shoes on these shelves. However... I only needed two. So bingo. I began my mission which took easily, an hour of searching. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

For in fact... I'm thrilled to report I walked away with EXACTLY what I wanted. I got two pairs of black boots, both of which I'll use here this winter as well as on this trip up north. I had checked out plenty of other stores before I went out yet again today, but could not find what I was looking for. However... 'tis a problem no more, I'm happy to say.

And believe me... I could almost use these new shoes TODAY. It's cold as hell here right now. Seriously. The highs are like in what?? The low 50s?? With wind making it feel even colder. Like in the high 40s?? Actually, I am wearing the suede boots as we speak given I'm headed out to the movies pretty soon.

Anyway, it's always such a great feeling to find just what you need and therefore I'm feeling pretty spiffy at the moment. Factor in of course the uh... little extra pair of boots that I bought... and whammo. I'm feeling even spiffier. I know... I only needed two, but had to get three since I am a major sucker for anything black patent and I also found a pair of GREAT black patent boots. SO up my alley. 

The topper to the whole day is not only will I soon be munching on movie theater popcorn, but will also be doing Mexican cuisine for dinner, afterwards. What could be bad? Shoes AND delicious food all in one day. I'm totally smiling.      

SHOOT THIS GUY

Well... okay. Shoot may be a bit harsh but still. I need to do SOMEthing to my next door neighbor.

I live in what is considered a very pretty neighborhood. The houses are modern, lovely and everyone maintains their homes beautifully. Especially the lawns. Whether or not they are slobs inside their homes, I have no clue. But I can tell you this... from the outside, the neighborhood is pristine.

Enter: my next door neighbors. Very nice people, I will readily admit. I even forgave the shiny black pick up truck their teen aged son parks in the driveway since I figured the father wanted to give the kid a really "safe" car as his first vehicle. But NOW? Oh man... now I want to totally shoot the guy.

Turns out my neighbor... and his father and grandfather... went to Clemson University in South Carolina. The son probably will as well. And... all these men are MAJOR Clemson football fans. Which brings me to my being really pissed.

The guy is SUCH a Clemson fan that three months ago, I took a look out my window and lo and behold I see this monstrosity of a VW Van from the 1970s, painted in the most disgusting pea green color you ever saw. HORRIBLE eye sore, for sure! Huh??? How can you even THINK of parking this disgusting car in the driveway of a pretty, upscale neighborhood?? I wanted to throw up.

Little did I know however that the van was a mere canvas, for in about 6 weeks time next thing I know... the van is now painted TOTALLY ORANGE AND WHITE!! As in: Clemson's colors!! From bumper to bumper! To take to tail gate parties during the football season!! The whole f-ing thing is all rigged out in matching curtains, seat covers, throw pillows, spare tire cover, etc. etc. You name it, it's orange and white. I WAS STUNNED. And oh so nauseous. 

Of course the neighbor is on cloud nine. He LOVES his tribute to Clemson. He adored very second of labor that went into developing this crap. I even once asked him: UH... YOU PLANNING ON PARKING THIS IN THE DRIVEWAY??? I was told he was not. It'd go in the garage. 

Unfortunately he lied.

So now, every day during football season, I have to look out my window and see this damn van and I want to kill the guy for ruining my otherwise beautiful outdoor sight. THIS IS CRAZY. Too bad I like the wife, but trust me... several times I've gently let her know it completely sucks.

Only one thing can possibly make me hate this entire deal more. The VOTE FOR ROMNEY sign he now has sticking up on the lawn, by his mailbox! DON'T EVEN ASK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? That's all I needed to make me REALLY want to bitch. Which of course, I did immediately to president of the Home Owner's Association. I now so smell war.