I'M SUCH A BABY

First of all, given the right situation, I cry easily. Secondly, I eat on demand. Third of all, I love to nap. And fourth of all.. most importantly... I normally like to go to bed on a somewhat full stomach. Kinda like a baby.

Enter: Popcorn. Man, I've got such an addiction going on here, it's crazy. Just the other day I was telling Janet, who btw I've known since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!! that I love going to the movies. But even MORE, I love popcorn. How ANYone could enter the theater withOUT first buying a bag popcorn is beyond me. Turns out Janet loves popcorn, too.

Oh yeah... point of information: I hooked up with Janet a couple of years ago on Facebook and its' been totally great being in touch with her again. She was a knockout in high school and is a knock out to this day. Long blond hair, fantastic figure, bright and funny and absolutely loves her dog. Or dogs. I can't remember which. Besides, I just got email from her today saying she loved my plaid slacks. So definite bonus points for THAT Janet! Anyway...

I developed a horrible habit about nine months ago, I guess. Get this. It all began one night, when I was looking for a low cal snack to eat before I called it a day. I searched all through my pantry and bingo. I found SMART BALANCE LIGHT BUTTERED POPCORN. I compared labels pretty carefully when I was buying it and decided this brand had the least carbs, etc. Anyway, it turned out to be a perfect fit for my late night feeding needs that fateful night all those months ago. I popped the bag into the microwave... no pun intended... and in exactly one minute and 43 seconds boom. I had an excellent food choice to gobble down as I watched the 11:00 news.

So excellent in fact that it's like NOW I can't even THINK of watching the news without first having my popcorn! I'M SO ADDICTED IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. I can't even believe what's happened to me. Man... just one night and all of a sudden whammo. It turned into an alltime mandatory munchie in mere seconds. WTF?? In fact, it's now gotten to the point where having popcorn in my pantry is all of a sudden as important as having staples like toilet paper, Diet Coke and bags of salad in the house. It's crazy!

Granted, I have an addictive personality, so I guess it was kinda easy to get into this crappy habit. But still and all, it's a habit I have no clue whether or not I can even break. Which is why I should be ever so thankful I never tried coke. And I'm not talking Diet Coke, either. That I'm ALREADY addicted to... WAY before the new popcorn bit kicked in. Trust me; had I ever put my nose to the line, I could have SO been the target audience for many a dealer.

Which I guess is good news that it's popcorn that's now my go to snack. Of course that doesn't necessarily rule out my mandatory edict whereby I begin each day with a sugar free cookie and go to bed with one, also. THAT I've done for years. I just need a couple of bites of something a little bit sweet and yippee. I begin and end each day perfectly happy. Unless of course I'm just too full from popcorn.

Oh yeah... and get this. I'd have to imagine a bag of this microwave popcorn is supposed to feed at least two people, if not more. Keyword: supposed. For me?? You can SO  be sure I down a full bag but easily. In fact, one day the store only had MINI BAGS... four baby bags to a box... and I figured OK, I'll fall for it. I'll eat the mini bag. Big mistake. How long you think it took before I told Bonnie...  Eeeks. I want the box with big bags ONLY!

Basically, I'm thinking the Mini Bags were probably for individuals alright. But in my book... individuals who were probably like five years old. Which only points to the fact that indeed, I'm a major baby. A baby wants a full bottle before hitting the sack. But me? I want a full bag of popcorn. And then of course I want to climb into bed and actually SLEEP... like what else... A BABY!

PLAID

See this picture?? I so love it. Well, actually it's not the picture I love so much but rather it's the PANTS. No wonder I love them. I MADE THEM.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Plaid pants aren't real hot on the runways at the moment but who cares. I still love these. I'm just kinda crossing my fingers that I'm not too OLD to wear plaid. But whatever. In fact, I NEVER wear printed slacks. Always solid and if I wear print, it's always in my top. This time however I switched it out and I must say... I seem pretty okay with it.  

In the meantime, I had this fabric and decided a couple weeks ago that I was in the mood to see how this print would sew up. Oh yeah... get a load of all the lines and/or seams... notice anything?? THEY ALL MATCH. PERFECTLY, I MIGHT ADD. Just like The House of Chanel, right? Man, would my mother ever be thrilled to see this. Anyway, what I love even more is get this... I DIDN'T EVEN USE A PATTERN! That's right... I bet even Calvin Klein can't say that.

Instead what I did was grab a pair of slacks from my closet... a pair whose fit I adored... and bingo. Used THOSE as my kinda pattern. You know... the ole trick of taking one pant leg and putting it inside the other pant leg and then bingo... you lay it out and there's your pattern all ready to go! My take was: Geez. If little 12 year old girls in Indonesia can do this, then so can I. Oh yeah... if you think laying out the pretend pattern was easy so that the stripes would all match up... think again. Granted it wasn't all THAT hard, but the fact everything came together just as I wanted was happily shocking for me. I love when my plans actually work out.

In the meantime, I've worn these slacks twice already I think, and each time I've been happy as a lark. Talk about easy! Talk about comfy! Talk about fast! I mean seriously... I sewed the seams together, added an elastic waistband (but of course), did the hem and next thing you know... I'm dressed for the day. Add a heavy pashmina and boom. I'm ready to go almost anywhere.

As we speak, I have fabric laying on my dining room table waiting for me to cut out my next pair of pants... well, actually leggings if you want to get technical. Once again, I'll go to my closet, find a favorite of the 20 pairs of leggings I have and within an hour and a half I'll have yet ANOTHER pair of pants. Also printed, I might add. But that's a totally different look. Whatever.

BTW... about two months ago I bought a stunning eggplant colored tunic that I love but didn't have the right colored slacks for them. So guess what... I was at the fabric store and lo and behold what do I find?? COLORED FABRIC IN THE EXACT SAME EGGPLANT COLOR!! I was absolutely tickled pink, no pun intended. Boom. Made THOSE pants in no time and now I have a beautiful monochromatic outfit that is simply great, if you ask me. And once again, absolutely totally comfy!

Which IS my watchword when it comes to clothing. And/or shoes.  

IN HOT WATER

Actually, I should only BE so lucky. As we speak, I am awaiting Adam, the 24 hour plumber guy to head on over here. Bear in mind, it's just after one in the morning. Don't ask. All I know is that 1.) I tried getting into the shower a half hour ago only to find I have no hot water and 2.) when I went to the garage to check out the hot water heater, pretending I have a clue as to what it's all about... boom. I see water leaking from it all over the floor. Jesus... SO not what I want to see.   

The funny thing is... I swear... my next blog was going to be all about the shower, too! In which case I'll just go ahead and tell the story now. So listen to THIS.

My take is that unless you're five years old, you never ever forget to shower for two days. Unless of course.... sitting down???... YOU'RE ME. OMG. I can't believe that four days ago... I went two whole days without showering. At all! I'VE LOST MY MIND COMPLETELY??? I BELONG LIVING IN THE WILD?? Apparently so.

Turns out that due to Claudia's edict 15 years ago, I began showering at night rather than in the morning. I wasn't totally crazy about it, but on the other hand, her command has really worked out much more to my liking, given it EASILY takes off 25 minutes of prep time when I brush my teeth, put on makeup, do my hair and dress for the day. It was like an ingenious switch up... and one that I've followed ever since Claudia made me do it. Her take was that not only does it cut dressing time in half but more importantly... who would get into bed each night withOUT being freshly showered?? Point taken.

However... come to find out.. about four days ago, I got just so busy that night that I was totally exhausted and eventually hopped right smack into bed... and slept like a baby, I might add. In the meantime when I woke up the next morning I literally said to myself: OMG. I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SHOWER LAST NIGHT!! Which I figured was no earth shattering deal, since I would do so in about an hour. Okay. That should work. That was also day one without bathing.

BUT... said shower never even came to pass in that hour since I had gotten a phone call, was told I was to meet with someone lickety split, so had to hurry up to do my teeth, makeup, hair, etc and head right smack out the door. Again, I figured it was no earth shattering deal since once I got home a couple hours later, I would just shower THEN. Seemed do-able enough.

HOWEVER... as the day rolled on by I then began to think: HEY... HALF THE DAY IS ALREADY GONE SO WHY NOT JUST WAIT TIL TONIGHT, WHICH IS MY REGULAR SHOWER TIME ANYWAY, AND SIMPLY GET BACK ON SCHEDULE, THEN?? Which is exactly what I did. Lived my entire day and night, doing all the things I normally do and eventually get to my shower bit.

Just one glitch though. I got done with my yoga really late that night and I was starved afterwards so had a really late dinner and then watched some late night TV, etc. etc. until boom. Before I knew it... I just HAD to get some sleep. I was completely bushed. Which only meant: Sitting down? EEKS. DAY TWO WITH AGAIN, NO SHOWER.  

Holy crapoly. I AM a good for nothing wild beast of a woman afterall!! TWO WHOLE DAYS AND NO BATHING WHATSOEVER. I was totally embarrassed for myself. AND praying that I didn't have to run to the ER or somewhere that night where I'd be humiliated that someone would find out what my personal hygiene practices REALLY are. Oh man... I can't even believe this happened.

The good news however is that FINALLY... on day three, as soon as I woke up... YIPPEE. I HOPPED RIGHT IN THE SHOWER AND FELT LIKE A NEW WOMAN IMMEDIATELY. And best of all, I got back on schedule. Thank GOD for small favors.

The bad news is... uh oh... I'm apparently going to bed without a hot shower yet AGAIN tonight. Totally screwing up my entire bathing practices all over again. So much for cleanliness being next to Godliness. Which believe it or not IS my normal guiding principle in life.

Now... off to go greet Adam. Whom I'm sure is freshly bathed. For which I'm way jealous, too. 

GUITAR LOVERS UNITE

I am so telling you... last night I was in sheer HEAVEN as I watched SNL. I had to be. ALABAMA SHAKES PERFORMED! And they were nothing short of astounding. You've heard of this band?? If so then you know what I'm talking about. If not, then you're mighty welcome for my introducing you to them right here and now. They win didn't a Grammy this year, damnit... but man they should have. On the other hand, I can't be too upset given my other favorite... FUN... did. If you remember correctly, I gave you all links to two of their best songs which are simply fannnnn-tastic.

So today I'm now offering up two more links... from last night's show. You will flip. Too bad you couldn't see the ACTUAL performance for the replay loses alot of it's umph, but regardless... you'll get the message. Plus, you can always go to YouTube to see the uncensored version and better sound clarity. The top video is the first song they sang and the bottom one is the second. Which was better?? It's impossible to tell... choosing your favorite kid would be easier, if you ask me. And oh yeah... in case you didn't know... parents DO have favorites, regardless of what they tell you. Putting that aside, however...

Check this out. And then you too will agree: Now THIS woman knows how to rock. And definitely knows how to play the guitar! In fact all the musicians do. But Brittany seems to be especially one on one with hers and all I know is that the next time I toke... I SO have to listen to this band but good. My musical delights will surely explode. Just wait til you hear the second song... OMG. So knocks my socks off in that one. Man I could watch them playing it over and over and NEVER tire of it. 

It's kinda funny because I used to have a friend who adored the guitar and until they REALLY turned me on to it, my alltime favorite rock instrument was the piano. The drums were a very very close second. Yeah, yeah. I know. Pianos weren't necessarily made for rock but go tell that to Elton John. NO one plays a piano like he does. Anyway... when you see Alabama Shakes play THEIR guitars, man oh man will you ever be thrilled. Plus, the rhythm in the two songs I gave you up above is simply stupendous.

What is really freaky to me is that as I approach 65, I basically have no clue who is who in the rock world nor who sings what songs. I hear names bantered around all the time, but I have no idea what they look like or what they sing. I did however, pick up on Pink's GET THE PARTY STARTED lickety split as well as Kelis' MILKSHAKE. Whoa. If only my Mother were alive to hear some of these tunes... she'd so think the world's gone nuts. Which it basically has, but why get bogged down with details.

In the meantime, try to get into Alabama Shakes. There is no way you can regret it. They have become major famous and have played great venues and my take is: you ain't seen NOTHING yet. Granted... I may be late to their party, but late is better than never. Will they thrill me like Mick Jagger singing START ME UP? Definitely. As much as Rob Thomas though and BRIGHT LIGHTS or BACK TO GOOD?? Uh... only maybe. But who can blame me? It'd be like having to choose your favorite kid. 

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE

I love proverbs. I always have. Some of them are just so potent and so very true and even better, so many times there is simply no way for me to express my feelings better than with the use of a proverb.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE is one that I love for it says just what I mean and it means just what I'm saying. Kinda like: Nice try but it ain't going to cut the mustard, you flaming a**hole. That said... my very FAVORITE proverb and the first one I've ever taught my kid is: GOOD THAT COMES TOO LATE IS LIKE NO GOOD AT ALL. It conjures up an image in my head that basically says: F YOU and your flimsy lame excuses. Which as you might imagine is a simply PERFECT way for me to express myself to anyone who deserves it.

For my purposes here, however... I'm sticking with the too little too late bit. Because that is EXACTLY what I thought the minute I saw that tonight... FINALLY... here in mid February... we got our very first snow fall!!! There's a pict of it, up above. February?? First snow?? Are you kidding me?? Plus... that was it?? Like an inch maybe?? It's over? In half an hour? Oh man... this is SO not a real snowfall, if you ask me. It's more like a baby pretend tease. Besides, according to the Poor Farmer's Almanac, it was supposed to be a mean winter here this year. As it turns out however... a beautiful, perfectly mild, easy to do winter ever since December 1st.  

True, I shouldn't be bitching cause a couple years ago we had so much snow that I swear... I felt like I lived in New Jersey! Seriously... there was snow piled up on the curbsides on every street in the city for MONTHS. And I didn't even have my generator then, either. Nor James, my alltime favorite snowplow guy who replaced Jimmy. Granted... Jimmy indeed plowed my driveway well enough, but was also kind of an idiot. But whatever.

The good news is: Yippee. I have now have beautiful snow all over my lawn and deck. And, the flakes were fat and stunning as they fell. The bad news however is: now that I've complained about all this... watch. God is going to punish me with like 6 or more inches of snow sometime between now and the beginning of April. EEEKS. THAT amount screws up my getting out of the house altogether. At least with just an inch of snow I can still drive and go play with friends, dine out somewhere or shop or do whatever the heck I'd like.

Which now merely begs the question of a totally DIFFerent proverb: BE CARE WHAT YOU WISH FOR. I could SO be headed for trouble.  

THE DAY OF LOVE

Ahhh... the holiday of love. Totally up my alley, right? And happily, I must say that I enjoyed several special holiday messages from several special people. One of my favorites is here in this picture. Did you ever SEE such a beautiful array of colors??

As it happens these 2 dozen roses were waiting for me when I pulled up into my driveway yesterday. Talk about a great surprise. Even better... while there are a few folks from whom I could have imagined these would have been sent, come to find out... THEY WERE SENT BY MY KID. Oh man... does HE ever know how to wrap me right smack around his finger. Seriously... what Mother wouldn't smile when she saw such a bouquet? And then wouldn't want to give her kid anything he ever desired. Mission accomplished on that front, by the way.

In the meantime, I enjoyed a lovely Valentine's Day lunch and then realized oops. I totally forgot to wear even a hint of red or pink today. Which everyone else at the restaurant did. But okay. So I'll have to remember green for St. Patty's Day or something. I did however come home and enjoy a simply wonderful treat.

Sitting down?? TWO OF MY ALLTIME FAVORITE VARIETY OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!! Oh man... now THAT is something I love, alright. I wouldn't dream of eating any other kind but the CARAMEL DELIGHTS. Which used to be called SAMOAS, btw. Nice try on the switch up but trust me... I don't fool easily. Man I love this time of year. I was even given two boxes of Thin Mints the other night, which if ever pressed, could possibly win my Number Two slot.

In the meantime, I'm all about lace, flowers, hearts, chocolates, and romantic cards. Apparently so is everyone else on the planet. Seriously... you have any idea how much money this holiday brings in?? Think: zillions and zillions. And then think more zillions. Boom. You have your final total. I'd almost have to say Valentine's Day could easily go head to head with Christmas. Which is also an excellent holiday now that I think about it. Holidays with presents?? You can SO count me in.

All in all however, I'd have to say my REAL favorite gift giving holiday is by far: MY VERY OWN BIRTHDAY. Which as I like to remind everyone is but a few months away. I even love the date upon which I was born. Even more, I love the fact I am a Taurus. Definitely a fantastic sign and it pretty much describes me to a T. And while Valentine's Day is all about the color red... on my birthday? I almost always wear white. Simply my alltime favorite color.

But for now... while I'm awaiting the big event in May, let me just say to all the lovers and dreamers out there in the land of love... I hope you too had a wonderful holiday today. I hope you love someone dearly and that someone dear loves you in return. 

And as for anyone who came home today saying... OH.. I'M REALLY SORRY. I  MEANT TO BUY YOU SOMETHING BUT I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME: Uh... you're SO a major loser.

HI MONIKA...

Welcome. Well, okay, I'm not at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or anything, but still. I was totally thrilled yesterday, when I got email from Monika saying that thanks to Laura, she was now my newest follower of this blog. Boy... is SHE ever in for a treat. Besides, what could be bad... just look at how gorgeous Monika is, there in the pict.

I basically met Monika what? 8 years ago maybe? I can't even remember. I met her when she married my nephew, Jeffrey and trust me... ever since then he's been in 7th heaven. Kinda like the rest of the family now that I think of it. Never once have I ever heard an unkind word spoken about Monika from ANYone. Not that my hearing is all that good nowadays, but you get the drift.  

Unfortunately, I don't get to see Monika any too often given she's in South Florida and I'm up here. I'd say maybe the last time she and Jeff and Olivia were here was maybe a year ago?? Believe me... I get all abuzz when I'm told they are heading up this way. Yeah... I know I may not be first on their A List of People to See... but it doesn't matter. I still love every minute I get to spend with them.

I also love every minute I get to spend with Laura as well. Which I'm happy to say I did just last month when I was in Ft. Lauderdale for a couple of days. If you remember correctly, SHE was the one who introduced me to Randy... uh... the psychic. I know. I know. I'm not SUPPOSED to believe every word Randy says, but too bad. I love the info she offers up, regardless.

In the meantime, I've known and loved Laura for almost 47 years. Both she and Monika are just the sort of women who make your day happy as hell. Very girlie, very hip, very funny, very happy, very grounded, always smiling and most importantly... very loving. SO up my alley. I do have to say btw, that while I'm indeed way over Facebook... I'm sick of the posts completely about dogs, politics, freebies, etc... I do love seeing all the picts and info about these two women. THEY know what Facebook is SUPPOSED to be about. As in: giving me a frequent heads' up as to what's doing in their lives and naturally, the pictures to prove it. Unlike me of course, who merely posts crapola every once in a while, about whatever I may be thinking at the moment. Plus... from what I can gather on Facebook, both Monika and Laura are apparently wild about the men in their lives and trust me... I am heavy into that.

So on this Valentine's Day I do have send my love to both Laura and Monika. Not only are they excellent women to adore but best of all... they are apparently mighty astute. They'd have to be. THEY FOLLOW MY BLOG!     

MEDICARE MAIL

See this picture?? Don't ask.

As I've written before, I am totally psyched that beginning 5/1 I'll be a full fledged Medicare recipient, able to FINALLY kiss my $1700+ monthly insurance payments goodbye forever. Man... it'll almost be like I'm getting a brand new baby paycheck each month, especially when you factor in my measly stupid little Social Security payment. Hallef'inglujah! I'm thinking the total of the two will at least cover the costs for all my house help each week and some of my many tabs from dining out. Two things which actually hold the highest priority in my life. Well, that and STILL putting my kid through school. But whatever. All I know is that I am now for sure... officially a senior citizen. EEEKS.

That's the good news about Medicare. The bad news is OMG you should so see the crazy ass stack of Medicare information that has piled up since I met with Amber the two weeks ago. IT'S NUTS. Even if I WANTED to read all the crap, I wouldn't know where to begin. Plus, I'm thinking this stuff is kinda IMPORTANT to read but too bad. I won't. I'm serious. I figure now that I've got the Supplemental Plans in place... thanks to my hero, Amber... who needs to now be bogged down with all the minutia of details? So not my style. I'd have to shoot myself before I settled down with all this reading material.

Which only points to my self diagnosis of MENTAL BLOCKS. I have several, actually. Case in point... anything to do with numbers and/or money. I hate dealing with all that. As in: tax preparations for example. ME??? DOING MY OWN PREP WORK?? So not going to happen. No wonder. I have a true and serious mental block about it! 

So much so that even when I play Canasta each week, I NEVER tally up all my points! I'm telling you... so many points for this, so many points for that, so many points for each Canasta and on and on it goes. Hell... I'd be just as happy never tallying ANY points. Just play for the fun of it all, if you ask me. Thus this is a job I hand right smack over to my partner. Making bank deposits on the other hand?? Definitely up my alley.

In the meantime, another thing about which I have a mental block is: important documents with zillions of written details. Like my Will and/or Trust for instance. I would NEVER sit down and read that. My take is: HEY. THAT'S WHAT I HIRED THE ATTORNEY FOR! Let HIM read that crap. Besides, he WROTE it. When we did go over the finished papers, you can so be sure I had him read it TO me as I followed along. And basically, I've never picked up the document ever since. 

Kinda like this Medicare bit. I am DEFINITELY having Amber gloss over all this mail, the pamphlets, etc. with me, after which you can be sure I'm basically planning on tossing most of it out. Who the hell can even house all these papers?? Yes, I have my home purchase papers, my car title papers, important medical and/or hospital papers and all my banking statements. Other than those, do you REALLY need anything else? I know.... I know. I'm totally lazy. But I sorta like it that way. 

Oh yeah... good luck to my son btw whenever he has to settle my estate or something and goes looking for all my papers. Which is where my assistant Bonnie comes in, actually. I've told her a million times... if I kick the bucket YOU tell my kid where everything is stored. Besides, she'll know in a heartbeat given she's the one who's filed it away for me in the first place. Thank God for small favors.

All I know for now is that I'm almost afraid each day to go to my mailbox. If any MORE mail arrives regarding Medicare I'll totally freak. If however any checks for deposit should arrive... boom. All of a sudden I'm not only reading it but will turn into a numbers kind of girl... uh... 1-2-3.

READING CIRCLE

I learned to read via the Alice and Jerry basal readers. In the early 50s I might add. I sorta enjoyed the mandatory reading circle in elementary school but I didn't always love reading itself. No wonder. For the first 21 years of my life, I was busy reading whatever the hell the required books for school were... from Junior High to College graduation, at the very least. Plus... I wasn't a particularly fast reader.

However once I graduated college, boom. I was able to read whatever I wanted AND I could take my sweet little pretty time about it, too. One of my favorites from way back then was Prizzi's Honor and somewhere along the line came The Godfather. The story that REALLY set my pleasure reading in motion however was definitely A King's Story... the biography of the Duke of Windsor giving up his throne for the love of a woman. Oh man... talk about capturing the heart of a love struck 16 year old. A guy giving up his kingdom for some stupid ass woman?? SO up my alley.

Anyway, when raising my kids, I would escape but plenty, for heavy private relaxation time in my bedroom with a fantastically wonderful book. I read in my bed, while every once in a while peeking at the kids in the pool though my sliding glass doors which apparently was my method of "keeping an eye on the kids". Thus this is the period during which I became a really voracious reader given it helped mellow me out whenever the kids were screaming and yelling and having a bunch of fun playing. And/or swimming. And/or fighting. Well... that and grass, but who's counting. Before falling asleep each night, I also could read way late into the wee hours of the night only to of course want to shoot myself the next morning when I had to be up and at 'em bright and early. Bottom line: my voracious reading went on for decades.

Until that is, the deaths of my brother, my mother and then my father. I just couldn't stand the silence of the room whenever I read, and I certainly couldn't read with any background noise as in: TV or the radio or whatever. Basically I was screwed. 

Not so fast, however. Enter: THE KINDLE. To be more exact: THE TEXT TO SPEECH FEATURE ON THE KINDLE.

I totally fell in love with this new toy IMMEDIATELY since I could now not only read book after book after book, but even better... THE KINDLE BOOK COULD TO READ TO ME. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Boom. I could hear all KINDS of stories and I never once had to worry about any deafening silence. I was like THE target audience for this new eBook reader deal.

Which means... my Kindle can now read to me all day long if I want and even better... it can read me to sleep every night. That alone is a God send. Five minutes of reading aloud to me... bingo. I am fast asleep for the entire night. Until I have to wake up to go to the bathroom but that's another story altogether. Anyway... without my Kindle I'm lost. Which is why this morning, when like every morning, I got up, plugged in the charger and began to put on my makeup only to find... OOPS. NO MORE CHARGE WORKING ON MY KINDLE... I freaked. Huh? WTF is THAT all about? What happened?? HELP... I NEED MY KINDLE RECHARGED.

Lickety split I got on the phone with Amazon... spoke to a technical guy and tried all the fixes he suggested. Turns out... sure enough, something with the cable cord and/or charger is kaput. At which time... yippee... the guy said he'd send me the two equipment replacements for no extra charge. Bless his heart, right? Especially since I have the first generation of the BIG sized Kindle DX from years and years ago. And... he'd sent it overnight so I'll have it by tomorrow! This guy DEFINITELY deserves a raise if you ask me.      

Regardless, to this day, I do have admit I adore Alice, Jerry and Jip. Jane, Dick and Spot come in second. Besides, who the hell names a little boy Dick in the first place? I mean seriously... really?? But okay. Whatever. All I know is that even more than Alice and Jerry I love my Kindle. Which will be here in the morning. Until then... I'm going back to the good ole days when I listened to REAL people reading to me via my iPod.

Tonight's bedtime story btw?? Fairy Tale Interrupted... the biography of JFK Jr. Now THERE'S a face to smile about when one is dozing off in sweet slumber and/or sweet surrender. Trust me... either one'll work.

THE KEY TO IT ALL

I just find this picture so amazing. I've been noticing it for about a couple of weeks let's say, and each time it just knocks me out. Study it closely.

It's a picture of my computer keyboard. Notice anything weird about it? Think maybe it's time I should buy a new one?? Well... maybe YOU would need a new one but ME?? Apparently not. I don't have to since I NEVER look at my keyboard as I'm typing. Instead, my eyes are always on the monitor as I merrily go along pressing each needed key. But seriously, is this NORMAL??

Does EVERYone have HALF THEIR LETTERS  TOTALLY MISSING?? Something tells me it's just me, right? Can you believe it??? I find this simply hilarious. Besides, I guess it's a good way to keep others away from even using my computer when I don't want them to. Without any letters they probably won't even know what the hell they're typing in the first place. Thanks to Mr. Napoli's typing class in high school however, I do.

So as best I can tell... I no longer have an E, R, A, S and L. Plus... check out the W, I, O, D, F, G, H, V, B and N. They too, don't have much time left in this world. What the hell do I DO to these letters, anyway?? I have never seen anyone else have THEIR keyboard disappear right before their very eyes. What's the deal with ME? I have freaky fingers or something? Besides, my fingers never even touch the keyboard... I TYPE WITH THE TIPS OF MY NAILS.

The funny thing is... I've never yet even thought to replace this keyboard. I never even SAW the missing letters until two weeks ago. Like how long has this been going ON anyway?? I can't even imagine how long it's going to take for all the other letters to disappear altogether, but you can bet your bottom dollar, I'm sure going to be on the look out from here on in. Typing without any letters whatsoever? Now THAT'S gotta be interesting, alright.

Speaking of keys, did you ever see an accountant type all the numbers on the right hand side of a keyboard? WITHOUT ONCE LOOKING?? To me that is one of THE most amazing talents ever. My accountant NEVER looks as he's keying in numbers and I find it sorta frightening, actually. Like how does HE know whether or not he's made a mistake on my tax returns?? His eyes are planted right smack onto a sheet of paper and his fingers are flying a mile a minute thus he has no way of cross checking, if you ask me. Well, unless all of a sudden I happen to be due a refund in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. In which case, I should only be so lucky. 

In the meantime, I have no clue when I'll have to eventually break down and buy a new keyboard. I am kind of fascinated actually to see just how long it's going to take for me to eventually have a completely blank keyboard. I'm like having a silent little bet with myself. Three months?? 9 months? Never?? Maybe by then I'll even have my new Mac computer anyway, which btw is the only computer my kid says I should buy. And even then I'm not so sure that after more than almost two decades with Microsoft, I CAN break away.

Talk about separation anxiety.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE

So beginning two weeks ago I was in the unbelievable throes of having major irregular heartbeats and/or palpitations. I'm telling you... it was crazy. For all this time, these crazy ass heart beats would come for fifteen minute clips and then go away for about about a half hour let's say. It was actually kinda freaky. Anyway, last Saturday night I finally high tailed it over to the ER to see what's what.

I was tested, told I won't die, then released soon enough and was told to see my cardiologist ASAP. Therein lies the rub.

This past Monday morning, lickety split I got on the phone, called the doctor's office and TRIED to get an app't. Don't ask. It was like pulling teeth. I so could have f-ing kicked the bucket by the time I saw the doctor. Which BTW I SILL HAVEN'T.

Instead I was finally seen by an office nurse on Thursday and only then did they give me a 24 hour heart monitor to wear. Which I did. And which for point of information... NEVER EVER ONCE RECORDED A FUNKY HEART BEAT!! At all! Why not??

Because get this... by the time I got this medical help... after two weeks  of problems... ALL OF A SUDDEN MY HEART BEATING DECIDED TO BECOME ABSOLUTELY NORMAL AGAIN! Can you believe it?? For 14 days I was this close to dying. By the time they decided to monitor me?? Boom. No palps whatsoever! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??? Man, am I ever pissed.

So basically this entire episode has gone by totally untreated and completely not recorded. Well, unless the ultra sound from yesterday showed anything but I don't see how it could given my heart was definitely back to normal by then. On the other hand, the fantastic nurse, also named Linda, and I became such excellent friends that maybe it was worth it, afterall. In fact we became such fast friends that I even brought her five fabulous black lace sheer nightgowns from my closet, for her to choose from for an annual Valentine's dinner she's making for her husband. SIDEBAR: I also instructed her to wear absolutely nothing underneath, unless it's a black g-string and whoa is SHE ever psyched.

But... forget about her. I'm way more concerned with THIS Linda. Who 1.) was given a prescription of low dosage beta blockers should the heartbeats go nuts again and 2.) will FINALLY be able to see the doctor come this Tuesday to go over my results. Which as I said, can't be anything alarming, given the office didn't actually see me while this entire crapola was actually taking place. Geez... who the hell made these receptionists God, anyway?

In the meantime, here I am happy as a lark, and of course feeling just fine. What the heck was actually going on the past couple of weeks, I'll never know. What I do know is that come Tuesday I SO better not hear... according to the ultra sound...  that I've got heart troubles. I'm telling you right now... that kinda news will break my heart, for sure. Pun intended.

Exactly how I'll tell the doctor that the receptionist is a Nazi Wannabe, I have no clue. I did get a great tip however from Valentine Linda: speak to the nurses, instead. Forget the telephone receptionist. Trust me, mission accomplished on that one, alright. Since as it turns out... she did too little too late if you ask me. The Little Bitch.

FIRST TIME

There's a first time for everything and let me just tell you... today was one of my all time favorites! I can't believe it... after all these years, Amber and I FINALLY got to meet face to face! It was fantastic, if you ask me.

Amber and I have known each other for at least 10 years. We have spoken on the phone many times and she has been THE most incredible help ever. WHY do we speak on the phone you may ask? Easy... Amber is my Blue Cross Blue Shield agent!

When I left South Florida in 2002, I came here and naturally one of the very first things I had to do was find new health insurance. Enter: Amber. One slight glitch however... her company immediately bought out the local agent I was using and Amber became my new one. But get this... Amber lives in a totally different city altogether... as in: Hickory NC. Thus, were I heavy into buying furniture several times a year, I could have seen her WAY before today. However, given I didn't need all fancy new furniture... we basically did all our business via phone. For years and years. Seriously... I could have been dealing with some far out and freaky punk rock chic for all I knew.

But such is not the case at all. Amber is a dream to work with and I never once had any problems in dealing with my insurance coverage since a.) we always signed me up for top of the line coverage and b.) Amber was Johnny on the Spot in walking me through any issue I ever had. SHE DESERVES A MAJOR RAISE, BTW. Because trust me, I had zillions of questions in the past 10 years.

TODAY'S questions however were all about getting me signed up for Medicare. Which worked out perfectly, since Amber had an appointment with yet another client in my city thus BOOM. WE FINALLY GOT TO MEET. And, go over everything about Medicare. Kinda like I did with Kenny a couple weeks ago, but he's now history. Amber is the one who's stolen my heart from the beginning. So bingo... I'm sticking with her as my agent. Hickory or not.

All I know is that if I was in love before I met Amber you can't imagine how crazy I am about her NOW. Talk about patient. Talk about knowledgeable. Talk about adorable. Talk about experienced. Man... who could ask for more. Anyway, we were so thrilled about our first time of actually SEEING each other that we had to document the event by taking a picture of us. Which as you can see, is there, up above.

We talked plenty of Medicare but we also yapped about other things as well. I felt like I was hanging out with a great girlfriend, who btw, happens to have an adorable soon to be 10 year old daughter. I can't WAIT to meet her... my favorite age for little girls. Could I ever show her a fantastic day of girlie delights! True... there's a 30+ year age difference between Amber and I but who cares. She still the best.

So all I know is I'm now signed up for excellent Medicare coverage AND I've got the the world's best insurance agent. Which reminds me... 

I find it soooo freakin' crazy that the two things Seniors need most is cost benefits for 1.) hearing and 2.) seeing. NEITHER OF WHICH MEDICARE COVERS. Are you kidding me??? How can that possibly BE? That's like a builder constructing fabulous homes, pricey or not, but ooops... just never includes the cost of a ROOF! For THAT you're sorta on your own. Way crazy ass in my book. But whatever. 

Bottom line: today was a great day in the hooking up department plus YIPPEE. I'm all good to go for Medicare. Given of course I don't kick the bucket anytime before 5/1.

DEEP THROAT

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CITY ADVENTURE

Yeah... I know. You'd THINK I'd be talking about heading out to some big ass city or something, but instead I'm talking about this Hidden Objects computer game to which I'm addicted. Seriously... if left on my own, I could spend hours playing this series of games. It could almost border on pathetic if you ask me.

Which at the moment, I am. In fact, I'm ready to shoot myself. THEY'VE GOT ME OVER A BARREL, BUT GOOD. I've paid and downloaded maybe a dozen of these games and have loved every one of them. Except this San Francisco one. THIS game?? With this game I'M READY TO SUE THE DEVELOPERS, ALTOGETHER. I can't believe they have so totally screwed me over.

Case in point: I'm on level 31 of 60. You have to search out all these hidden objects, which by the way, get sneakier and sneakier in hiding the objects. They should be sued for that alone. Then...once you finish a round, you're not allowed to advance to the next round until you pass a little puzzle of some sort. There are maybe five different puzzles and in each round the puzzles become trickier and trickier.

THE ONE PUZZLE I'M ON NOW?? Oh man... all I can tell you is: THERE IS NO SOLUTION WHATSOEVER. I should know... I've attempted, with no success at ALL, to complete the puzzle ten times already! WTF are these people THINKING????

Well for one... if they think you're going to have fun playing they have SO got that wrong. Rather... having fun at this level, merely constitutes your just wanting to shoot your brains out. Plain and simple.

The task at hand here is simple: You're supposed to click on any two or more objects next to each other so they will fall and allow other objects to come down. Eventually you clear the entire puzzle and boom. You're on your way to the next level. EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT. For some reason, they've programmed this particular puzzle on the 31st level so that YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO CLEAR IT NO MATTER WHAT. Seriously. It's like impossible!!

As if that's not enough, there is no way whatsoever to bypass the puzzle and it's driving me absolutely CRAZY. To add fire to the flames... they also designed the puzzle so that you have to factor in lots of blank spaces where NOTHING can fall down. Geez.. this is SO not fun. This crapola game that I adore for vegging out and having meaningless down time??? Boom. It's now rendered me a total idiot and PLENTY frustrated. Let alone stuck at a dead end. 

I totally don't know what to do any longer. The game has come to a sudden halt and I have no Plan B. Plus... lets say that one day I DO happen to have incredible luck and in fact solve this puzzle... can you imagine what the NEXT level will be like??? Man... don't even get me started.

What games I'll now play for vegging out, I have no clue. Apparently it'll have to be either Free Cell (my alltime favorite) or Scrabble or Spite and Malice or my ole trusty standby... Hearts. At least THOSE won't make me want to slit my wrists. Maybe.

I'M LOST

I can't even believe this has happened. To most I am sure this is nothing, but to me... all I know is that I am so lost it's unbelievable. Others will probably think I'm totally off my rocker, but regardless.... to me... I am just so sad, it's ridiculous.  

I don't want to get into a whole big story here, but basically it began with my being out with friends for a fantastic seafood buffet dinner at the country club last night. Then, as soon as I finished half of my chocolate pie (naturally I got my priorities in order) I decided: Boom. Five hours straight of having constant heart palpitations was enough. IT WAS NOW TIME TO HEAD TO THE ER. 

And of course to make sure I wasn't kicking the bucket altogether. The crazy ass heart beating had been coming and going for the past four days, but last night, they just never let up... for hours no less. Hence... time to take action.

As it turns out, it was no big deal. According to the doctor, maybe some dehydration, maybe some lack of magnesium, maybe this, maybe that, but the bottom line was yes, the EKG showed some rapid heart beating, but the other tests showed nothing major for me to be concerned about. I should just have my cardiologist double check it sometime later this week. Okay... whatever.

In the meantime, while last night my heart felt like it was out of control you should only SEE what's going on now. Apparently, when I disrobed in the examining room, I removed everything from the waist up, including my beloved L necklace surrounded by this fabulous cut out heart. I wear it every day of my life and am lost without it.

Well guess what. I guess I'll now be lost forever and ever given... OMG... when I got dressed today to head out to the movies, I went to put on my necklace and discovered one slight glitch. IT WASN'T HERE. IT'S GONE. FOREVER. NEVER AGAIN TO BE WORN. By me, anyway. By the people who found it, maybe. But by me?? Never again.

Apparently, when I was discharged, I put everything back on EXCEPT the necklace that must have been way at the bottom of a plastic bag. Ergo: I've lost it and am so crushed I can't even tell you. The 36" chain was given to me by mother many many years ago. The 3" L was hand made specially for me by someone I know. And the surrounding heart was a fantastic find I got several years ago. All I know is that in addition to the sentiment the necklace had for me, the value of the gold alone was nothing to smirk about.

Anyway, remember when the psychic told me my Mother wanted me to wear the three initialed pendant she gave me? Well, wanna guess what's around my neck as we speak?? Don't ask. Apparently Mom KNEW that I could be headed for trouble with the L. Oh man... this is just so crazy. It was definitely a signature piece for me; one that I loved wearing each and every day. 

So what can I say? I know it's just a piece of jewelry and it's not the worst thing that can happen to me and it can easily be replaced (which I definitely will) but for now... I just can't believe I've lost it. Which BTW just goes to show... oh, I'm losing it alright. More and more, with each day that passes.

I'M INTO ORAL

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get all exicted. It's not what you're thinking. 

Instead: 1.) I love Oral B products and 2.) I love to be stimulated. And right now, I am way into having my teeth stimulated with this fabulous new Oral B toothbrush that I bought last week. IT'S SOOO GREAT. Plus it does all the work FOR me which as you know is ALWAYS up my alley.

I happened to be in the drugstore the other day and saw this toothbrush. I don't know how long it's been on the market but I do know I've never seen it before. Thus, I read the front and back, checked out the brush itself and decided boom. Man... this is for me, alright. I couldn't wait til that evening so I could actually get to try out the deal. Which I might add was mighty successful.

Per usual, I brushed my teeth before my evening shower. Obviously, I brushed them with this new pulsating toothbrush and I am so telling you... GO OUT AND BUY ONE IMMEDIATELY! You will love it. God knows I do.

Turns out there are two baby buttons on the front and you merely have to press the top one and bingo. THE BRUSH BEGINS PULSATING which in turn not only cleans your teeth in all sorts of crevices but also stimulates your gums too if you want. I loved it so much that I swear... I doubled my brushing time just so I could keep on enjoying the feeling of getting my teeth REALLY clean. I know... takes way too little to amuse me but what else is new.

Anyway... when you finally stop brushing, you push the bottom button, rinse off the brush and then boom rinse out your mouth. I mean it... this brush is inGENious if you ask me. Plus it doesn't take up space on your counter top like the sonic setups do. Everything about this invention just knocks my socks off. I can't wait to send this to my kid. Hell... I may even wind up using this as hostess gifts the next time I have a dinner party. It's just that amazing.

The next time I go to the dentist to get my teeth PROFESSIONALLY cleaned I may just have to tell the hygienist their freebies of the regular Oral B's aren't going to cut the mustard anymore. I WANT THE NEW PULSATING MODEL ONLY. Besides, between this new toothbrush and the new whitening strips I see lately, I may be able to forget about the professional cleanings altogether.

Unless of course Medicare will now pay for them. Oh man. If so...  then for sure I'll be showing off my pearly whites but plenty.

GULP... IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING

Well Lordy Lordy... I'm far from forty. So far in fact, that get this... I GOT MY MEDICARE CARD IN THE MAIL LAST WEEK. WHOA.  HOLY BA-HOLY BATMAN.

I just can't believe it. OMG... 65 here I come. Can you even iMAGine?? I just wished my parents were here to see this. My Mom would be amazed. My Dad would tell me it's not even possible.

But sure enough... my birthday is approaching in a few months and the card is here. There's the proof up above in the pict. No sooner did I receive it than I decided I better high tail it to my insurance agent and actually LEARN all about Medicare coverage. Which is where hillbilly Kenny comes in. Oh man... he knows his stuff alright but seriously... way too much of a twang going on there, for my taste. Regardless... I THINK I got the info correct. I do know I decided to go with the Enhanced Plan F but I have to go back to my notes and see if that IS my drug plan or if I actually have to choose that, as well.

Yeah. Yeah. I know this is supposed to be easy, but I definitely have to visit Kenny once again to solidify all the details. The good news is that my monthly medical insurance cost of $1700?? Boom. Will go WAY down, thank God. Which of course will counter act my measly peanuts of a Social Security check. But whatever. I am just so thrilled to be able to finally be eligible for Medicare, I can't even tell you. Which btw, I totally hope Congress doesn't F up now that I'll soon be a recipient.

Earlier today, I was telling my kid all about the card arriving and he made me laugh right out loud claiming I should so send the card back given my new look has rendered me, according to him, a mere 50 rather than 65. Does this kid have great eyeballs or what? 

On the other hand, I do have to say, I feel pretty damn good for an old fogey. I have thus far been pretty much blessed with no MAJOR medical problems with which to contend. Well, as long as my eyesight holds out, that is. Or as long as I don't have a heart attack somewhere down the road or if I don't God forbid ever have a stroke. Which I decided is all kinda unlikely given what the psychic told me. What?? You mean she doesn't REALLY know what my future health will be?? Say it ain't so.

When I think of my Grandmother at 65 btw, I am stunned that I even look like I do. She looked OLD at that age. While indeed I look oldER, I sorta gotta say I don't really think I look all that ancient. I'm not saying there aren't days when I get out of bed, I don't FEEL ancient, but all in all... I think I'm in pretty good stead. I do have to say however, I've already warned my kid that I think I'm past the babysitting stage for whenever he gets married and finally has a baby.

Which is good news for me. Afterall... I hired babysitters for him so boom. I think I'll do so for his kid as well. Why should I be stuck at home while he's out having a fantastic time somewhere?? Besides, my favorite age for hanging solo with kids is probably about 8 and up. At least then we can do almost anything I already like. As in: dining out, watching movies, hit the stores, and maybe even traveling. Now that's MY kinda babysitting no matter what my age.

Still and all... me at 65? Just so damn mind blowing if you ask me. Goodbye bustiers. And fishnet stockings. And lycra body suits, too. As if that could have ever looked acceptable on me even in my 40s, right??  

I FLEW FOR THE FLU

Oh man... remember that idiot guy on the airplane who was sitting next to me and coughing up a storm?? Well... I have two words for him: F YOU. I swear to God... whether or not it was him who made me so damn sick, I'll never know. What I DO know however, is that I've been pretty friggin' sick for the past six days. Don't even ask.

It all began last Friday. I spent the first four days taking double doses of antibiotics given my major bronchial congestion, with last night being my last normal dosage. I've also been doing an inhaler every two hours even though it says to do it four times a day; and I've also been doing some sort of a steroidal nose deal. Factor in the Extra Strength Tylenol and the 17 billion cups of hot tea and boom. I am now pretty much on the other side of all this. Maybe.

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor. I decided it was time to collaborate on my personal diagnosis and subsequent plan for treatment. Up to this point, I had followed the Linda School of Medicine doctrine and sure enough... I was pretty much on target. Believe me... NO one knows my body like I do. Let's say I'm feeling perfect as 8:09. If at 8:10 I feel even so much as an iota of difference I know IMMEDIATELY wtf is going on and where it will lead. I WASTE NO TIME WHATSOEVER.

So now that I had a pretty good jump start on loading myself up with the meds, I figured the time had come to let the REAL doctor put in her two cents as well. Turns out my faux medical degree had it all down pat from the get go. The worst of the congestion and bronchial infection is kinda over although the doctor did tell me it could be another couple of weeks until I am in tip top shape once again. I can live I guess with just the cough and sneezing.

Plus, I told her to beam me up some new scripts to make up for the meds I just used. Bingo. Done. Oh yeah... I also told her to add in one refill just so I'll have plenty when the next bout or two comes along. I mean seriously... why anyone would waste time going to a medical office for just ONE prescription is nuts if you ask me. Like how hard is it to have them add a 1 on the refill line?? At least that way, if you can't get to the office for a couple of days, you're not suffering more than need be. So basically, I can do the refill any time within the next year. 

Anyway, I'm here and I'm alive. Hard as it is to believe. Oh yeah... to help make my stay indoors a little better, I called Direct TV today and told them I need the updated $400 DVR for free please, so I can now record five shows at a time with WAY more storage capacity than before. And, to please throw in the client box which then allows me to view whatever I've recorded in the bedroom, in the family room as well. BOOM. THEY SAID OKAY.

I knew they would. I began the conversation with: HI... YOU HAVE MY FILES IN FRONT OF YOU, RIGHT? GOOD. THEN PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF HOW LONG I'VE BEEN A CUSTOMER. (from the beginning) AND, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY PAYMENT HISTORY. (pristine) THEN... GIVEN ALL THAT... PLEASE ANTE UP THE NEW DVR GENIE FOR FREE, PLEASE. THANKS! Check. Done. 

So yippee. I'm sort of back to the Land of the Living and I'm getting a new DVR set up tomorrow. Which is good given they expect some slight snowfall tomorrow and plenty of sleet. And the high on Monday is only going to be 35 degrees. Which means three things:

1.) THANK GOD I had my flu shot since I swear... it cut my WishedIWereDead time in half. 2.) Thank God I was sick this past week rather than the upcoming week so I won't be contending with weather issues. And 3.) Thank God Direct TV is so cooperative with me so that I can now fall asleep in either of my two favorite rooms.

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

See this picture??? It shows EXACTLY why I'm never driving on the South Florida expressway systems ever again! Let alone any other, for that matter.

The blue line is road upon which we were traveling. The others?? All I can say is: I was totally FREAKED when I saw these hordes of red intersecting overpass lines on Laura's GPS as we were driving last weekend! The same sort of red lines I saw on my kid's GPS as well, I might add. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SOMEONE CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE ALL THIS OUT?? People can really DRIVE on all these crisscrossing highways?? I would totally be having a heart attack were I behind the wheel... GPS or no. Which of course is why I had to quick, snap a photo of all this to begin with.

I can't even believe that I once knew how to do all this. Of course THEN I could actually SEE the overhead signs but that's another story altogether. For now, all I know is: THIS IS NUTS. Absolutely crazy. And scary as shit, if you ask me. NO WONDER I'm now at the age where I need to ask Generation X to please be my chauffeur. Who btw, is next on my list of: PEOPLE I NEED TO HIRE. 

Plus... if you think deciphering what the hell lane you're supposed to be in... go ahead and factor in the fact everyone is driving at like 75 mph! Then for SURE I'm too old for all this crap. In fact, when my son was driving me to the Ft. Lauderdale airport, there was a huge stretch where all I saw before me was the road and nothing but CONCRETE CONSTRUCTION going on all around the sides of the road. Really. You saw nothing BUT concrete. In fact, I even had to say to him: DOES THE BUILDING HERE NEVER STOP?? I'm so serious. I told him it was DEFINITELY a concrete jungle!! Of nothing BUT ongoing, new construction of RAMPS AND ROADWAYS!! And... to imagine driving these roads during a thunderstorm???? OMG. SHOOT ME NOW. 

Suffice it to say.... a perfect reason if you ask me, to remain forever young. For oldie goldie ME however, thanks but no thanks. I will never drive on freeways, expressways, parkways, whateverthehellways ever again.

Granted... I can handle regular STREETS just fine. Unfortunately, I can't actually SEE the name of the streets until I'm way flush right up next to them, but that's where sheer memory kicks in. And why I love living in my sweet little comfy, slow moving, quiet kind of town. I already KNOW the streets by heart which of course is a big plus. And, if I'm feeling MAYbe just a bit adventurous, I MAY get on the interstate but for no more than perhaps ten minutes at most. After that, I'm a basket case.

Regardless... I am absolutely stunned that the area in which I drove for 50 years is now rendered literally impossible to navigate. Well... unless you take an Ativan first and have a GPS in perfect view and more importantly, have THE LADY ON THE GPS TALK TO YOU SPECIFICALLY as to where and how to proceed. Plus, she needs to give you PLENTY of a heads' up way before you're supposed to switch lanes, turn, etc. Without all that help... you're basically doomed.

Which means... I'm thinking I have what? About five more years before I begin taking applications for that chauffeur I mentioned before? Although I DID tell my eye doctor: I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO LIE TO BE SURE YOU NEVER RECOMMEND TAKING AWAY MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

I figure that's a job only the DMV can threaten to do. And probably will one day, too. Damnit.

TOALLY PSYCHED

So while there are a bunch of reasons why I was so psyched about my recent trip to Florida, I almost have to say that one of the alltime best parts of the trip was... get this... THE PSYCHIC! I swear... she was outstanding. DEFinitely up my alley.

It went down like this: my niece called me a couple weeks ago, telling me about a woman she had just hired for the company at which she works. Enter: Randy. And then... not long after being hired, Randy says to my niece... OH YEAH. I KNOW YOU'LL THINK THIS IS KINDA CRAZY BUT I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M PRETTY PSYCHIC AND BTW... YOUR DAD IS DOING JUST FINE.

Whoa. Hold on Nellie. HOW'D SHE KNOW MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY??? It was startling, to say the least, but indeed, great as well. Randy then went on to tell my niece more stuff and it wasn't long before Laura was on the phone telling me... OMG LINDA. YOU WILL SO LOVE THIS LADY. YOU HAVE GOT TO HOOK UP WITH HER!

Which naturally I did.

SIMPLY FANTASTIC is all I can say. I loved everything she told me... well, except the part about my remarrying... but aside from that, bingo. I had the best hour and a half you can imagine. I can't WAIT til Claudia gets a load of her.

Anyway, Randy filled me in on a whole bunch of things, including the fact that my Dad is always beside me, protecting me and basically telling me: DON'T WORRY. EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS BE FINE. YOU WILL BE OKAY. Like how great is that!! I am telling you... I could have spent hours and hours with Randy since trust me... I love knowing about everything way before it even happens.

In the meantime, I completely got everything Randy shared with me and was indeed comforted to know that life will pretty much be fine for me. YIPPEEE. No major diseases, will live til about 86 let's say and my kid will be excellent. On the other hand, what totally freaked me out was the fact I'm going to remarry. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? THAT SO CAN'T BE!! I have no interest whatsoever in cohabitating, let alone marrying!! And, I told Randy that. Turns out however, I better be on the lookout for a new dress, for apparently, I just may wind up being a bride, like it or not. WHOA. This is so not what I had planned on.

I didn't have time to delve into this further but you can bet your bottom dollar I WILL. I can't even IMAGine who the man could possibly be, but if he thinks marriage is in the cards, then he better be THE most astounding man on the planet. I should only be so lucky, right?? Believe you me... I'm not marrying just ANYbody.  On the other hand, if he treats me simply angelic, borders on immensely wealthy, looks like an Adonis and treasures the air I breathe... then bingo. I'll begin wedding plans in a heartbeat.  

Oh yeah... another thing Randy told me was that my Mother apparently wants me to wear my beautiful brushed gold pendant, made of my initials which she gave me for my 18th birthday. Or maybe for my high school graduation, now that I think of it. Anyway, I'm thrilled to wear it, and DID everyday for years BUT I now have a huge dilemma given I so LOVE the gold L that I wear every day. Which only means I think I better go over this whole bit once again the next time I speak to Randy since just today I tried wearing the pendant and the look definitely falls short of the L. But whatever.

In the meantime, I feel like Nancy Reagan now. I don't think I'll ever again be able to make a major decision without first checking in with Randy. Who, btw, I only WISHED looked like the lady in the snapshot.