FIRST TIME

There's a first time for everything and let me just tell you... today was one of my all time favorites! I can't believe it... after all these years, Amber and I FINALLY got to meet face to face! It was fantastic, if you ask me.

Amber and I have known each other for at least 10 years. We have spoken on the phone many times and she has been THE most incredible help ever. WHY do we speak on the phone you may ask? Easy... Amber is my Blue Cross Blue Shield agent!

When I left South Florida in 2002, I came here and naturally one of the very first things I had to do was find new health insurance. Enter: Amber. One slight glitch however... her company immediately bought out the local agent I was using and Amber became my new one. But get this... Amber lives in a totally different city altogether... as in: Hickory NC. Thus, were I heavy into buying furniture several times a year, I could have seen her WAY before today. However, given I didn't need all fancy new furniture... we basically did all our business via phone. For years and years. Seriously... I could have been dealing with some far out and freaky punk rock chic for all I knew.

But such is not the case at all. Amber is a dream to work with and I never once had any problems in dealing with my insurance coverage since a.) we always signed me up for top of the line coverage and b.) Amber was Johnny on the Spot in walking me through any issue I ever had. SHE DESERVES A MAJOR RAISE, BTW. Because trust me, I had zillions of questions in the past 10 years.

TODAY'S questions however were all about getting me signed up for Medicare. Which worked out perfectly, since Amber had an appointment with yet another client in my city thus BOOM. WE FINALLY GOT TO MEET. And, go over everything about Medicare. Kinda like I did with Kenny a couple weeks ago, but he's now history. Amber is the one who's stolen my heart from the beginning. So bingo... I'm sticking with her as my agent. Hickory or not.

All I know is that if I was in love before I met Amber you can't imagine how crazy I am about her NOW. Talk about patient. Talk about knowledgeable. Talk about adorable. Talk about experienced. Man... who could ask for more. Anyway, we were so thrilled about our first time of actually SEEING each other that we had to document the event by taking a picture of us. Which as you can see, is there, up above.

We talked plenty of Medicare but we also yapped about other things as well. I felt like I was hanging out with a great girlfriend, who btw, happens to have an adorable soon to be 10 year old daughter. I can't WAIT to meet her... my favorite age for little girls. Could I ever show her a fantastic day of girlie delights! True... there's a 30+ year age difference between Amber and I but who cares. She still the best.

So all I know is I'm now signed up for excellent Medicare coverage AND I've got the the world's best insurance agent. Which reminds me... 

I find it soooo freakin' crazy that the two things Seniors need most is cost benefits for 1.) hearing and 2.) seeing. NEITHER OF WHICH MEDICARE COVERS. Are you kidding me??? How can that possibly BE? That's like a builder constructing fabulous homes, pricey or not, but ooops... just never includes the cost of a ROOF! For THAT you're sorta on your own. Way crazy ass in my book. But whatever. 

Bottom line: today was a great day in the hooking up department plus YIPPEE. I'm all good to go for Medicare. Given of course I don't kick the bucket anytime before 5/1.

DEEP THROAT

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CITY ADVENTURE

Yeah... I know. You'd THINK I'd be talking about heading out to some big ass city or something, but instead I'm talking about this Hidden Objects computer game to which I'm addicted. Seriously... if left on my own, I could spend hours playing this series of games. It could almost border on pathetic if you ask me.

Which at the moment, I am. In fact, I'm ready to shoot myself. THEY'VE GOT ME OVER A BARREL, BUT GOOD. I've paid and downloaded maybe a dozen of these games and have loved every one of them. Except this San Francisco one. THIS game?? With this game I'M READY TO SUE THE DEVELOPERS, ALTOGETHER. I can't believe they have so totally screwed me over.

Case in point: I'm on level 31 of 60. You have to search out all these hidden objects, which by the way, get sneakier and sneakier in hiding the objects. They should be sued for that alone. Then...once you finish a round, you're not allowed to advance to the next round until you pass a little puzzle of some sort. There are maybe five different puzzles and in each round the puzzles become trickier and trickier.

THE ONE PUZZLE I'M ON NOW?? Oh man... all I can tell you is: THERE IS NO SOLUTION WHATSOEVER. I should know... I've attempted, with no success at ALL, to complete the puzzle ten times already! WTF are these people THINKING????

Well for one... if they think you're going to have fun playing they have SO got that wrong. Rather... having fun at this level, merely constitutes your just wanting to shoot your brains out. Plain and simple.

The task at hand here is simple: You're supposed to click on any two or more objects next to each other so they will fall and allow other objects to come down. Eventually you clear the entire puzzle and boom. You're on your way to the next level. EXCEPT YOU'RE NOT. For some reason, they've programmed this particular puzzle on the 31st level so that YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO CLEAR IT NO MATTER WHAT. Seriously. It's like impossible!!

As if that's not enough, there is no way whatsoever to bypass the puzzle and it's driving me absolutely CRAZY. To add fire to the flames... they also designed the puzzle so that you have to factor in lots of blank spaces where NOTHING can fall down. Geez.. this is SO not fun. This crapola game that I adore for vegging out and having meaningless down time??? Boom. It's now rendered me a total idiot and PLENTY frustrated. Let alone stuck at a dead end. 

I totally don't know what to do any longer. The game has come to a sudden halt and I have no Plan B. Plus... lets say that one day I DO happen to have incredible luck and in fact solve this puzzle... can you imagine what the NEXT level will be like??? Man... don't even get me started.

What games I'll now play for vegging out, I have no clue. Apparently it'll have to be either Free Cell (my alltime favorite) or Scrabble or Spite and Malice or my ole trusty standby... Hearts. At least THOSE won't make me want to slit my wrists. Maybe.

I'M LOST

I can't even believe this has happened. To most I am sure this is nothing, but to me... all I know is that I am so lost it's unbelievable. Others will probably think I'm totally off my rocker, but regardless.... to me... I am just so sad, it's ridiculous.  

I don't want to get into a whole big story here, but basically it began with my being out with friends for a fantastic seafood buffet dinner at the country club last night. Then, as soon as I finished half of my chocolate pie (naturally I got my priorities in order) I decided: Boom. Five hours straight of having constant heart palpitations was enough. IT WAS NOW TIME TO HEAD TO THE ER. 

And of course to make sure I wasn't kicking the bucket altogether. The crazy ass heart beating had been coming and going for the past four days, but last night, they just never let up... for hours no less. Hence... time to take action.

As it turns out, it was no big deal. According to the doctor, maybe some dehydration, maybe some lack of magnesium, maybe this, maybe that, but the bottom line was yes, the EKG showed some rapid heart beating, but the other tests showed nothing major for me to be concerned about. I should just have my cardiologist double check it sometime later this week. Okay... whatever.

In the meantime, while last night my heart felt like it was out of control you should only SEE what's going on now. Apparently, when I disrobed in the examining room, I removed everything from the waist up, including my beloved L necklace surrounded by this fabulous cut out heart. I wear it every day of my life and am lost without it.

Well guess what. I guess I'll now be lost forever and ever given... OMG... when I got dressed today to head out to the movies, I went to put on my necklace and discovered one slight glitch. IT WASN'T HERE. IT'S GONE. FOREVER. NEVER AGAIN TO BE WORN. By me, anyway. By the people who found it, maybe. But by me?? Never again.

Apparently, when I was discharged, I put everything back on EXCEPT the necklace that must have been way at the bottom of a plastic bag. Ergo: I've lost it and am so crushed I can't even tell you. The 36" chain was given to me by mother many many years ago. The 3" L was hand made specially for me by someone I know. And the surrounding heart was a fantastic find I got several years ago. All I know is that in addition to the sentiment the necklace had for me, the value of the gold alone was nothing to smirk about.

Anyway, remember when the psychic told me my Mother wanted me to wear the three initialed pendant she gave me? Well, wanna guess what's around my neck as we speak?? Don't ask. Apparently Mom KNEW that I could be headed for trouble with the L. Oh man... this is just so crazy. It was definitely a signature piece for me; one that I loved wearing each and every day. 

So what can I say? I know it's just a piece of jewelry and it's not the worst thing that can happen to me and it can easily be replaced (which I definitely will) but for now... I just can't believe I've lost it. Which BTW just goes to show... oh, I'm losing it alright. More and more, with each day that passes.

I'M INTO ORAL

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get all exicted. It's not what you're thinking. 

Instead: 1.) I love Oral B products and 2.) I love to be stimulated. And right now, I am way into having my teeth stimulated with this fabulous new Oral B toothbrush that I bought last week. IT'S SOOO GREAT. Plus it does all the work FOR me which as you know is ALWAYS up my alley.

I happened to be in the drugstore the other day and saw this toothbrush. I don't know how long it's been on the market but I do know I've never seen it before. Thus, I read the front and back, checked out the brush itself and decided boom. Man... this is for me, alright. I couldn't wait til that evening so I could actually get to try out the deal. Which I might add was mighty successful.

Per usual, I brushed my teeth before my evening shower. Obviously, I brushed them with this new pulsating toothbrush and I am so telling you... GO OUT AND BUY ONE IMMEDIATELY! You will love it. God knows I do.

Turns out there are two baby buttons on the front and you merely have to press the top one and bingo. THE BRUSH BEGINS PULSATING which in turn not only cleans your teeth in all sorts of crevices but also stimulates your gums too if you want. I loved it so much that I swear... I doubled my brushing time just so I could keep on enjoying the feeling of getting my teeth REALLY clean. I know... takes way too little to amuse me but what else is new.

Anyway... when you finally stop brushing, you push the bottom button, rinse off the brush and then boom rinse out your mouth. I mean it... this brush is inGENious if you ask me. Plus it doesn't take up space on your counter top like the sonic setups do. Everything about this invention just knocks my socks off. I can't wait to send this to my kid. Hell... I may even wind up using this as hostess gifts the next time I have a dinner party. It's just that amazing.

The next time I go to the dentist to get my teeth PROFESSIONALLY cleaned I may just have to tell the hygienist their freebies of the regular Oral B's aren't going to cut the mustard anymore. I WANT THE NEW PULSATING MODEL ONLY. Besides, between this new toothbrush and the new whitening strips I see lately, I may be able to forget about the professional cleanings altogether.

Unless of course Medicare will now pay for them. Oh man. If so...  then for sure I'll be showing off my pearly whites but plenty.

GULP... IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING

Well Lordy Lordy... I'm far from forty. So far in fact, that get this... I GOT MY MEDICARE CARD IN THE MAIL LAST WEEK. WHOA.  HOLY BA-HOLY BATMAN.

I just can't believe it. OMG... 65 here I come. Can you even iMAGine?? I just wished my parents were here to see this. My Mom would be amazed. My Dad would tell me it's not even possible.

But sure enough... my birthday is approaching in a few months and the card is here. There's the proof up above in the pict. No sooner did I receive it than I decided I better high tail it to my insurance agent and actually LEARN all about Medicare coverage. Which is where hillbilly Kenny comes in. Oh man... he knows his stuff alright but seriously... way too much of a twang going on there, for my taste. Regardless... I THINK I got the info correct. I do know I decided to go with the Enhanced Plan F but I have to go back to my notes and see if that IS my drug plan or if I actually have to choose that, as well.

Yeah. Yeah. I know this is supposed to be easy, but I definitely have to visit Kenny once again to solidify all the details. The good news is that my monthly medical insurance cost of $1700?? Boom. Will go WAY down, thank God. Which of course will counter act my measly peanuts of a Social Security check. But whatever. I am just so thrilled to be able to finally be eligible for Medicare, I can't even tell you. Which btw, I totally hope Congress doesn't F up now that I'll soon be a recipient.

Earlier today, I was telling my kid all about the card arriving and he made me laugh right out loud claiming I should so send the card back given my new look has rendered me, according to him, a mere 50 rather than 65. Does this kid have great eyeballs or what? 

On the other hand, I do have to say, I feel pretty damn good for an old fogey. I have thus far been pretty much blessed with no MAJOR medical problems with which to contend. Well, as long as my eyesight holds out, that is. Or as long as I don't have a heart attack somewhere down the road or if I don't God forbid ever have a stroke. Which I decided is all kinda unlikely given what the psychic told me. What?? You mean she doesn't REALLY know what my future health will be?? Say it ain't so.

When I think of my Grandmother at 65 btw, I am stunned that I even look like I do. She looked OLD at that age. While indeed I look oldER, I sorta gotta say I don't really think I look all that ancient. I'm not saying there aren't days when I get out of bed, I don't FEEL ancient, but all in all... I think I'm in pretty good stead. I do have to say however, I've already warned my kid that I think I'm past the babysitting stage for whenever he gets married and finally has a baby.

Which is good news for me. Afterall... I hired babysitters for him so boom. I think I'll do so for his kid as well. Why should I be stuck at home while he's out having a fantastic time somewhere?? Besides, my favorite age for hanging solo with kids is probably about 8 and up. At least then we can do almost anything I already like. As in: dining out, watching movies, hit the stores, and maybe even traveling. Now that's MY kinda babysitting no matter what my age.

Still and all... me at 65? Just so damn mind blowing if you ask me. Goodbye bustiers. And fishnet stockings. And lycra body suits, too. As if that could have ever looked acceptable on me even in my 40s, right??  

I FLEW FOR THE FLU

Oh man... remember that idiot guy on the airplane who was sitting next to me and coughing up a storm?? Well... I have two words for him: F YOU. I swear to God... whether or not it was him who made me so damn sick, I'll never know. What I DO know however, is that I've been pretty friggin' sick for the past six days. Don't even ask.

It all began last Friday. I spent the first four days taking double doses of antibiotics given my major bronchial congestion, with last night being my last normal dosage. I've also been doing an inhaler every two hours even though it says to do it four times a day; and I've also been doing some sort of a steroidal nose deal. Factor in the Extra Strength Tylenol and the 17 billion cups of hot tea and boom. I am now pretty much on the other side of all this. Maybe.

Yesterday I finally went to the doctor. I decided it was time to collaborate on my personal diagnosis and subsequent plan for treatment. Up to this point, I had followed the Linda School of Medicine doctrine and sure enough... I was pretty much on target. Believe me... NO one knows my body like I do. Let's say I'm feeling perfect as 8:09. If at 8:10 I feel even so much as an iota of difference I know IMMEDIATELY wtf is going on and where it will lead. I WASTE NO TIME WHATSOEVER.

So now that I had a pretty good jump start on loading myself up with the meds, I figured the time had come to let the REAL doctor put in her two cents as well. Turns out my faux medical degree had it all down pat from the get go. The worst of the congestion and bronchial infection is kinda over although the doctor did tell me it could be another couple of weeks until I am in tip top shape once again. I can live I guess with just the cough and sneezing.

Plus, I told her to beam me up some new scripts to make up for the meds I just used. Bingo. Done. Oh yeah... I also told her to add in one refill just so I'll have plenty when the next bout or two comes along. I mean seriously... why anyone would waste time going to a medical office for just ONE prescription is nuts if you ask me. Like how hard is it to have them add a 1 on the refill line?? At least that way, if you can't get to the office for a couple of days, you're not suffering more than need be. So basically, I can do the refill any time within the next year. 

Anyway, I'm here and I'm alive. Hard as it is to believe. Oh yeah... to help make my stay indoors a little better, I called Direct TV today and told them I need the updated $400 DVR for free please, so I can now record five shows at a time with WAY more storage capacity than before. And, to please throw in the client box which then allows me to view whatever I've recorded in the bedroom, in the family room as well. BOOM. THEY SAID OKAY.

I knew they would. I began the conversation with: HI... YOU HAVE MY FILES IN FRONT OF YOU, RIGHT? GOOD. THEN PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF HOW LONG I'VE BEEN A CUSTOMER. (from the beginning) AND, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY PAYMENT HISTORY. (pristine) THEN... GIVEN ALL THAT... PLEASE ANTE UP THE NEW DVR GENIE FOR FREE, PLEASE. THANKS! Check. Done. 

So yippee. I'm sort of back to the Land of the Living and I'm getting a new DVR set up tomorrow. Which is good given they expect some slight snowfall tomorrow and plenty of sleet. And the high on Monday is only going to be 35 degrees. Which means three things:

1.) THANK GOD I had my flu shot since I swear... it cut my WishedIWereDead time in half. 2.) Thank God I was sick this past week rather than the upcoming week so I won't be contending with weather issues. And 3.) Thank God Direct TV is so cooperative with me so that I can now fall asleep in either of my two favorite rooms.

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

See this picture??? It shows EXACTLY why I'm never driving on the South Florida expressway systems ever again! Let alone any other, for that matter.

The blue line is road upon which we were traveling. The others?? All I can say is: I was totally FREAKED when I saw these hordes of red intersecting overpass lines on Laura's GPS as we were driving last weekend! The same sort of red lines I saw on my kid's GPS as well, I might add. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SOMEONE CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE ALL THIS OUT?? People can really DRIVE on all these crisscrossing highways?? I would totally be having a heart attack were I behind the wheel... GPS or no. Which of course is why I had to quick, snap a photo of all this to begin with.

I can't even believe that I once knew how to do all this. Of course THEN I could actually SEE the overhead signs but that's another story altogether. For now, all I know is: THIS IS NUTS. Absolutely crazy. And scary as shit, if you ask me. NO WONDER I'm now at the age where I need to ask Generation X to please be my chauffeur. Who btw, is next on my list of: PEOPLE I NEED TO HIRE. 

Plus... if you think deciphering what the hell lane you're supposed to be in... go ahead and factor in the fact everyone is driving at like 75 mph! Then for SURE I'm too old for all this crap. In fact, when my son was driving me to the Ft. Lauderdale airport, there was a huge stretch where all I saw before me was the road and nothing but CONCRETE CONSTRUCTION going on all around the sides of the road. Really. You saw nothing BUT concrete. In fact, I even had to say to him: DOES THE BUILDING HERE NEVER STOP?? I'm so serious. I told him it was DEFINITELY a concrete jungle!! Of nothing BUT ongoing, new construction of RAMPS AND ROADWAYS!! And... to imagine driving these roads during a thunderstorm???? OMG. SHOOT ME NOW. 

Suffice it to say.... a perfect reason if you ask me, to remain forever young. For oldie goldie ME however, thanks but no thanks. I will never drive on freeways, expressways, parkways, whateverthehellways ever again.

Granted... I can handle regular STREETS just fine. Unfortunately, I can't actually SEE the name of the streets until I'm way flush right up next to them, but that's where sheer memory kicks in. And why I love living in my sweet little comfy, slow moving, quiet kind of town. I already KNOW the streets by heart which of course is a big plus. And, if I'm feeling MAYbe just a bit adventurous, I MAY get on the interstate but for no more than perhaps ten minutes at most. After that, I'm a basket case.

Regardless... I am absolutely stunned that the area in which I drove for 50 years is now rendered literally impossible to navigate. Well... unless you take an Ativan first and have a GPS in perfect view and more importantly, have THE LADY ON THE GPS TALK TO YOU SPECIFICALLY as to where and how to proceed. Plus, she needs to give you PLENTY of a heads' up way before you're supposed to switch lanes, turn, etc. Without all that help... you're basically doomed.

Which means... I'm thinking I have what? About five more years before I begin taking applications for that chauffeur I mentioned before? Although I DID tell my eye doctor: I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO LIE TO BE SURE YOU NEVER RECOMMEND TAKING AWAY MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

I figure that's a job only the DMV can threaten to do. And probably will one day, too. Damnit.

TOALLY PSYCHED

So while there are a bunch of reasons why I was so psyched about my recent trip to Florida, I almost have to say that one of the alltime best parts of the trip was... get this... THE PSYCHIC! I swear... she was outstanding. DEFinitely up my alley.

It went down like this: my niece called me a couple weeks ago, telling me about a woman she had just hired for the company at which she works. Enter: Randy. And then... not long after being hired, Randy says to my niece... OH YEAH. I KNOW YOU'LL THINK THIS IS KINDA CRAZY BUT I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M PRETTY PSYCHIC AND BTW... YOUR DAD IS DOING JUST FINE.

Whoa. Hold on Nellie. HOW'D SHE KNOW MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY??? It was startling, to say the least, but indeed, great as well. Randy then went on to tell my niece more stuff and it wasn't long before Laura was on the phone telling me... OMG LINDA. YOU WILL SO LOVE THIS LADY. YOU HAVE GOT TO HOOK UP WITH HER!

Which naturally I did.

SIMPLY FANTASTIC is all I can say. I loved everything she told me... well, except the part about my remarrying... but aside from that, bingo. I had the best hour and a half you can imagine. I can't WAIT til Claudia gets a load of her.

Anyway, Randy filled me in on a whole bunch of things, including the fact that my Dad is always beside me, protecting me and basically telling me: DON'T WORRY. EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS BE FINE. YOU WILL BE OKAY. Like how great is that!! I am telling you... I could have spent hours and hours with Randy since trust me... I love knowing about everything way before it even happens.

In the meantime, I completely got everything Randy shared with me and was indeed comforted to know that life will pretty much be fine for me. YIPPEEE. No major diseases, will live til about 86 let's say and my kid will be excellent. On the other hand, what totally freaked me out was the fact I'm going to remarry. WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? THAT SO CAN'T BE!! I have no interest whatsoever in cohabitating, let alone marrying!! And, I told Randy that. Turns out however, I better be on the lookout for a new dress, for apparently, I just may wind up being a bride, like it or not. WHOA. This is so not what I had planned on.

I didn't have time to delve into this further but you can bet your bottom dollar I WILL. I can't even IMAGine who the man could possibly be, but if he thinks marriage is in the cards, then he better be THE most astounding man on the planet. I should only be so lucky, right?? Believe you me... I'm not marrying just ANYbody.  On the other hand, if he treats me simply angelic, borders on immensely wealthy, looks like an Adonis and treasures the air I breathe... then bingo. I'll begin wedding plans in a heartbeat.  

Oh yeah... another thing Randy told me was that my Mother apparently wants me to wear my beautiful brushed gold pendant, made of my initials which she gave me for my 18th birthday. Or maybe for my high school graduation, now that I think of it. Anyway, I'm thrilled to wear it, and DID everyday for years BUT I now have a huge dilemma given I so LOVE the gold L that I wear every day. Which only means I think I better go over this whole bit once again the next time I speak to Randy since just today I tried wearing the pendant and the look definitely falls short of the L. But whatever.

In the meantime, I feel like Nancy Reagan now. I don't think I'll ever again be able to make a major decision without first checking in with Randy. Who, btw, I only WISHED looked like the lady in the snapshot. 

OMENS

I wonder just how many omens one must need before they say to themselves: TIME OUT... MAYBE THIS IS A SIGN. And, not a particularly good one, at that. Case in point:

I was recently on an airplane. Something I'm not crazy about to begin with, but I do it nonetheless. And then of course, kiss the ground when I once again land, safe and sound. I'm not really a bad flyer, just a potentially nervous one. Which isn't surprising actually, given I'm easily unnerved about almost anything known to man.

So basically, when I have to fly, boom. I fly. And THIS flight I was taking to Florida, I was pretty thrilled about given that FINALLY, it was an absolute DIRECT non stop flight. Something that is VERY unusual from my small town airport. Normally, I have to go from here to the hub of the airlines which is in a different city altogether and then fly out of there. Consequently, I need to do two flights to get anywhere. Except south Florida that is. Which btw, only went into effect a month ago.

Thus I was pretty tickled pink about the trip. It was like the good ole days all over again. Get on a plane. Get in your seat. Boom. Get off in the city you want. On the other hand... as I said before... just how many omens must one have before they decide... uh... tell you what. You guys fly without me. I'll wait for the next flight. Thanks, but no thanks.

As it happens, I had five obvious omens presented to me before I even took off, that ALmost rendered my possibly getting off the plane from the get go. Get this...

First of all, the plane was arriving from a northern city. Bingo. It arrived a half hour late which meant by the time all of us boarded, we left the gate an hour late. That's omen number one.

No sooner had we pulled away from the gate, than the pilot came on the speaker system and made his announcement: OH YEAH, FOLKS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW OUR GPS SYSTEM IS NOT WORKING BUT NO BIG DEAL. WE CAN EASILY FLY WITHOUT IT. NO WORRIES. Whatttttttt?? Are you f-ing kidding me??? In MY mind, that's as good as the pilot saying: I'm totally drunk, haven't slept in days and I just had a HUGE fight with my wife. Just the mind set I want from my pilot, right? But okay. I went with the flow. I mean with: Omen number two.

Okay. So we're on the runway... next thing I know, there's ANOTHER announcement: OOPS. SORRY FOLKS. WE APPARENTLY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY AND HAVE TO TAXI BACK TO THE GATE. Holy sh%t. You have SO got to be kidding me. Whammo. We head back to the gate for this medical deal. My personal take is: the lady heard about the GPS problem and therefore was this far from having a heart attack. Not that I'd blame her, of course. It could have EASILY been me. But alright... so the EMT comes on board and ushers the lady off. Omen number three.

THEN they tell us: SORRY. WE NOW NEED TO UPDATE THE PASSENGER LIST SINCE IT HAS SUBSEQUENTLY CHANGED. Which means... geez. Another 30 minutes on the ground. All in all... it's now two hours after the original departure time. So yeah... you got it. Omen number four.

At which point... the guy sitting next to me... 58 years old and has two kids from two different women, neither of which he ever married and who tells me he just had four beers, GOES NUTS WITH COUGHING AND COUGHING AND COUGHING. As in: I'm now getting friggin' ZILLIONS of his germs spewing upon me and want to absolutely jump out of the damn plane already. Uh... Omen number five???

How long you think his germs were all over me before I immediately hopped out of my seat and ran up front to the flight attendants to tell them.... SORRY. I CAN'T SIT NEXT TO THIS GUY. CAN I PLEASE TAKE THE AISLE SEAT THE EMERGENCY LADY VACATED WHEN I GUESS SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK?? Bingo. I was able to move up about seven rows.

So basically, while I am normally VERY hip to omens, I can not beLIEVE that I allowed five to occur without my actually having gotten off this plane. Like how many signs do I NEED before I begin to smell something rotten in Denmark? I can only imagine the driving force in this case had to REALLY be something pretty powerful, to keep me on this flight.

And, indeed there was. As in: I was FINALLY going to be eating a real live hot pastrami sandwich in a mere couple of hours. Believe me... I wanted NOTHing to come between me and my sandwich! 

Which, as it turns out... wound up being a fabulous dinner at a fantastic Sushi restaurant, instead. A perfectly fine trade off however, given the next day I had a pastrami sandwich for both lunch AND dinner. Ahh... true culinary bliss. 

FLASH DIET

How much do I love watching videos of flash mobs! I would KILL to actually see 100 people gathering in a mall or somewhere... who all of a freakin' sudden break out in a fantastic, choreographed song and dance! Oh man... I'd go absolutely NUTS with excitement. If only there was a Google list of when/where these deals were to be held. I'd be there in... well... a flash!

In the meantime, I have my own sort of flash going on. As in: flash dieting. A term I sort of made up myself years ago, btw. I hate having to lose 30 lbs. in a mere three days, yet indeed, once again, I am on such a quest. The least one can do is give me at least a week's notice, before having to work my magic. However... no such luck this time.

Turns out I"m headed down to Florida in a couple of days for a nice, long weekend. In fact... as we speak, I'm taking a break from packing. It took me two full days to even go THROUGH my closet to pull out that which I thought I'd want to bring. Then of course, I had to go through those items I selected all over again, just to whittle down EXACTLY which outfits I'll take. Bingo. I made the final cut to about five outfits. Plus four pairs of shoes, I think. Plus the accessories. Don't even get me started on the meds, makeup, toiletries, lingerie, etc. Thank GOD I cut my hair since that takes away 3/4 of the work, right then and there.

In the meantime, ESPECIALLY given the holidays just now being over, I now need to get stick thin in a heart beat. Which is where the flash dieting comes in. As in: cottage cheese. For some reason, this is my go to miracle food that okay... might not actually take OFF the 30 lbs., but at least it helps in trying to LOOK as if I had actually made the effort. Growing up I detested eating cottage cheese. It was NEVER on my radar for suggested food intake.

That all changed however about 7 years ago, when I was still teaching part time and couldn't get through the day without stuffing at least 14 different snacks into my purse. Before I left each morning, I'd pack up cottage cheese, vanilla yogurt, an apple, peanut butter crackers and God knows what else. And, naturally, that never necessarily precluded the fact that I just may have to run on over to the cafeteria to grab an ice cream sandwich if need be. Regardless...

Come to find out, cottage cheese was the miracle drug for me. It helped to not only curb my appetite but also to actually help take off a pound or two. WHO KNEW? Thus ever since those days, I have always turned to cottage cheese and Lite Fruit Cocktail as my meal of choice whenever I needed my 30 lb. crash diet deal to kick in. Granted... the weight loss in 5 - 3 days isn't anywhere near 30 lbs, but I must say... it gives the best illusion I've ever come across yet. Can you imagine if I ever DID make this my total diet for two weeks straight?? Oh man... I'd be shopping for a whole new wardrobe two sizes smaller, in a heartbeat. If only.

So starting right this minute, my flash diet is pretty much in full swing. I'm not thrilled about it btw, but... oh... the thought of eating hot pastrami sandwiches with cherry cheese cake at every meal in Florida is definitely easing the pain. I can't WAIT for such scrumptious epicurean delights. Plus the food at the party I'm going to... the reason for this trip to begin with... is going to be EXcellent. TOTALLY up my alley.

But alas... until then, I'm heavy into Breakstone Fat Free Cottage Cheese. Damnit. Besides... whatever that doesn't help... well, maybe yoga will. 

DAY BY DAY

This is the second week in a row that I have no clue whatsoever what the F day it is. I'm serious. I've lived four Sundays already this week. Absolutely no day has yet felt like the correct day. I'm like coming home on Tuesday nights thinking maybe I'll turn on SNL or something. Man, am I ever in trouble.

Plus, if I've asked people once, I've asked them 19 times... WAIT. WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY, ANYWAY? I'm usually off only by a couple. If I'm lucky, that is. I'm telling you... this bit with holidays on weekdays throw me off TOTALLY.

Celebrating all this holiday cheer on crazy ass days other than weekends is indeed making a mess of my mind. And, even looking at my calendar doesn't always help, either. Thank God I remembered to even BUY a new calendar. I can't live without one, even on normal days.

Speaking of which, I begin putting GET CALENDAR on my shopping list way before the end of the year. I need to, given it takes me that long to find the one I want. Which is always a Marilyn Monroe calendar. I'd much rather look at her than say kitty cats. Or cars. Or whatever. And, for the past ten years... bingo. I've always found one.

Thank God. I LIVE by my calendar. I have the monthly one hanging near my kitchen phone and then every Sunday I fill in a weekly kind of calendar that I hang ABOVE the phone, on a cabinet door. This way I know exactly where to be when. Except for weeks like this, however. Case in point: I have on my calendar that there is an Open House I'm invited to on Sunday, Dec. 30th. I so have to wonder what my chances will be that I actually GET there on the correct date, given I'm so outta sync here with what day is what. I'll have to pay extra close attention however, since I'll REALLY be pissed if I miss out on some great food and some great company.

And tomorrow I have GOT to get to the bank. Without fail. I've been meaning to get there ever since Monday, but I swear... every day feels like a Saturday or Sunday to me. It WILL be Friday tomorrow, won't it?? And they WILL be opened, right?? Oh geez. That's all I need. In fact, maybe I'll even stop first and pick up a cookie tray to bring to the bank, since the bank officers there really ARE so nice to me all year round.

In the meantime, whatever the hell the day is tomorrow, I just hope I'm wherever I'm supposed to be. The good news however is that today is Thursday and yippee. There was no Core Training today. THAT of course I got down pat 1-2-3.

IMAGINE THAT

See this picture? I totally love it. It's a picture of me which I've doctored up, but good. In fact, I purposely doctored it so that it would wind up mimicing a painting done with actual WATERCOLORS. One of the features my imaging software offers me.
 
I play around with these features all the time. I also have another program that does the same sort of thing and many times I'll mix the two up. Pictures often come out so damn cool. In fact, I did one of me several years ago... ala LeRoy Neiman... and I have it hanging above my family room sofa. I blew it up to about 4'x3', had it framed, etc. and totally love it, too. But now I'm thinking: maybe it's time to hang something new altogether.
 
Exactly what, I don't yet know. But, I think LeRoy may have already seen it's better days. And, with my new picture, I think I'll even forge the signature of some fancy schmancy artist who is famous for a particular genre and bingo. I'll pass it off a major pricey original. Yeah. I know. What can I say... I'm heavy into scamming if it serves my purposes. But whatever.
 
Regardless... I do have to admit that I could spend HOURS playing around with all the different images I'm able to create from a photograph. I can make it look like a charcoal sketch, an Andy Warhol silk screened painting, or even go for a wildly major saturated colored look. Or with a zillion other kinds of effects. It's SO up my alley and I am telling you...  I get completely lost in whatever effect I'm trying to create.
 
So much so that if ever I'm working on something before I need to head out, I am often in big trouble. Minutes just fly away from me and I have no clue how much time has passed until I happen to see the clock at the bottom of my monitor and then I of course jump right up and say HOLY SH%T. I'M LATE!! Oh man... don't ask.
 
In the meantime, I used several different options for the final picture up above; but I started first, with the Watercolor option. From there, I tweaked, undid, tweaked again, undid again until finally I got to a point where I loved the result. Oh yeah... this sort of deal is definitely only for those who want to spend mindless hours of downtime. Which of course is right up my alley. I've even created some OUTSTANDING images... Oops. I mean paintings... for several friends of mine. THEY LOVE THEIRS, TOO.

So basically... be forewarned. Should you ever walk into my house and see a fantastic signed painting of me... I will DEFINITELY tell you that I in fact sat for a really famous artist. And then I'll even prove it... I'll show you their signature. 

Now imagine that.  

FUN

For some reason, I can't remember whether or not I have already written about FUN... so I figured now is as good a time as ever. And no, I'm not referring to HAVING fun. Instead, I'm talking about the musical group FUN.

I saw them about a couple of months ago on SNL and flipped out when I saw them sing a song called: SOME NIGHTS. I wished I could tell you what about this tune drew me in so completely, but alas... I can't. For, I just don't know. What I CAN tell you however is... it hit me like a bolt of lightning. The energy, the sound, the lyrics... they all made my ears perk up imMEDiately. Which of course then made me run to YouTube, watch the video and then of course read the lyrics.

After which I had completely forgotten about the song.

Until about an hour ago, that is. I saw an ad for an upcoming show on HBO and bingo. I heard SOME NIGHTS playing in the background. Whammo. In a mere heartbeat... I was drawn in all over again.

What also fascinates me about this song is the supposed controversy as to what the hell the song even means. I've Googled several sites and it seems to boil down into two separate camps: 1.) its an anti- war song or 2.) it's about the inner conflict of a man in love. Even maybe about frustration of the band itself, working so damn hard to bring home the bacon via their music.

I myself am not really sure yet into which camp I may fall. I want to say: indeed... it's anti war... yet something inside strongly calls me over to the idea of a man who has loved and lost. I suspect a good argument can be made for either interpretation. On the other hand, if this IS an anti war song, then I'd be thrilled. Musicians of today SO should be putting their feelings of anti war, anti violence and anti corruption out into the musical world. It was such a potent theme in the 60s and 70s and God knows, if ever we need young voices once again... it's now.

However... being the ever romantic that I am... I really do think this song is probably about a conflicted love. Love is strong. It can be hard to address. It can hit you like an emotional bomb and even leave you totally shattered. Yet through it all, nothing on this planet can possibly ever be more treasured than the feeling of genuinely loving someone down to the very soul of your being.

In the meantime... you decide for yourself. Here's a link to the lyrics and see what YOU think. Or I guess, you can decide whether or not the song even speaks to you. 

Either way... then go and figure out some way to simply HAVE FUN tonight! God knows I am!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba0KOw8643s

TOTALLY SMILING

I decided I'm really really lucky. I get SUCH nice compliments almost every day that I almost can't believe it. Whether it's just me or it happens to everyone, I don't know... but regardless, I am really so grateful that each day brings me such lovely smiles. I'm so telling you... total and complete strangers have just the nicest things to say to me. And I mean it... EVERY day.

There are one of four things that I can count on each day of my life about which someone always has a kind word to say. It almost always begins with my necklace. Which btw, I wear every day and have for... oh, I don't know... the past five years at least. It's my big gold initial L around which I happened to have added a fabulous gold open cut heart that I got at a totally different time. I just sort of threw the two together and boom. They've been around my neck for years. The necklace measures about 36 inches and IS one of my alltime favorites. 

The second thing about which I am complimented on continuously is my diamond like pinkie ring. I LOVE THIS RING and there has never been a day I've worn it when SOMEone hasn't told me how just how unique and beautiful it is. Some have even gone so far as to ask me where I got it or even questioned it's authenticity. I had a manicure recently where the lady totally went over the top in the gushing department. I almost had to tell her to hold it down, please, since she was carrying on WAY too much. On the other hand, the people are in fact correct... it IS stunning.

The third thing about which I'm complimented on almost daily are my new eyeglasses. Which I've had for a total of only about four months so far, but which apparently are a real hit with the public at large. Not to mention... with ME, too. I fell in love with them the moment I saw them. Which is good since those too, I wear each and every day. 

The funny thing however is that it's soooo interesting to learn which of the four items people will comment on. Some are really into one of the four, but never any more than one at a time. Case in point....

If no one notices any of the aforementioned, then you can almost BET they will say something about how much they like my black fur infinity scarf. Which I love as much as I love the other three items. And which I double wrap around my neck every daytime in winter. It has some slight sparkle in it's fur too, which although hardly noticeable, does in fact add a baby bit of punch. I'm telling you... these are complete strangers giving me all these great compliments.

It's nuts... I could almost start my own sort of Admiration Society if I wanted. Which I don't, I might add. But I just find it so weird that people have such nice things to say to me. Which brings me to the day before yesterday. YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS ONE.

I had to wait for the lenses in my sunglasses to be fixed, so to kill 20 minutes, I went next door to my favorite sandwich shop and sat down to order a tuna fish sandwich. When I went to pay, the cashier... whom I adore... happened to ask what my Christmas plans were. It took me a minute to work out in my mind just what I was doing on which day so my response was just a bit slow. Which then meant....

OUT OF THE BLUE, the lady behind me... very nice looking woman about my age, I guess.... said to me: IF YOU HAVE NO PLANS, WHY NOT COME FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER AT MY HOUSE. I'M SERVING AN OLD FASHIONED ENGLISH DINNER.... STANDING RIB ROAST WITH YORKSHIRE PUDDING!! Whoa... I WAS SO STUNNED BY THIS VERY KIND INVITATION. Can you friggin' beLIEVE it??? OMG... now THAT'S what I call Christmas spirit! I was seriously flabbergasted.

Turns out she's having 12 people over for dinner and told me she noticed me having lunch because she felt I looked so "well put together", etc. WOW was all I could say. I told her that I thought it was a VERY sweet invitation, but seriously... I DID in fact have plans already and naturally thanked her very much.

Like how often does something like THAT ever happen?? Man... I was this far from blowing off my original plans just so I could taste a fantastic prime rib bone, believe you me! Anyway, add this invitation from a stranger to all the other things that I encounter each day and I'm telling you... I'm totally smiling. And I'm totally blessed.

And I apparently have totally great taste. Or... I simply live in the nicest city on the planet. Take your pick. And oh yeah... let's ALL say nice things to strangers, come 2013. ReGARDless of their accessories. Now... wouldn't THAT be a great resolution for the New Year!

GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD

Okay... so supposedly the entire world, as we know it, ends tomorrow. Which means THANK GOD I got my 24 hours of fame in.... just in time. Get this... I WAS ON TV TODAY!!

Want proof?? Here... click on the link below. You'll see for yourself. Oh yeah... as point of information... I WAS ABSOLUTELY SCARED OUT OF MY EVER LOVIN' MIND. I mean it. Before the tape rolls... I was sorta myself. The second the tape rolls?? OMG... I have no clue whose voice nor words were coming from my mouth. NOW I know for the first time, what the meaning of something feeling surreal is all about. Regardless... check it out.

GULP. HERE GOES NOTHING.


I wished I had more time here right now to tell you all about this, but apparently celebrity has already kicked in. Thus, I have hordes of phone calls to return from those congratulating me on my new found fame. And oh yeah... in case we DO have to meet our maker sometime tomorrow, let me just say:

I have loved almost every minute of my life. It's been fantastic. I have no regrets, no complaints, no heartbreaks. Well, okay. Maybe a couple. But still... life has been wonderful to me and I wish that EVERY one I know could have been as blessed as I have been. You'd be smiling but plenty!

Besides... I have loved and been loved. Who could ask for more?? Oh yeah... one last thing. To my kid... you were always my alltime favorite, bar none. I love you.    


 

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT

Well... America does, maybe. God knows I don't. However, why let a little thing like that stand in the way of some Xmas cheer. Which means:

OMG... are you guys ever in for the shock of a lifetime. Just WAIT til you hear this holiday greeting of mine. And NO. You can't hurl raw eggs at me. I created this with great appreciation for all of you... world wide I might add... who follow my blog and beg to hear instead of just read. This is the second time I've ever done this but who knows? I just may be onto something afterall.   
         

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

SELF PLEASURING

Yesterday I decided to pleasure myself. I know... sounds kinda sexy... but get over it. I'm not talking about what you're imagining. Instead, I'm talking about a decision I made to enjoy myself by going to the big city shopping mall ALONE and spending the day browsing just the stores I wanted, at my own leisurely pace with nary a worry of what others wished. Nor what others needed.. nor what others time schedule might be. It was fantastic.

Basically, I was on a mission. I had a bra to return which as it happens I DID do last weekend. Uh... except one small glitch. I returned the WRONG BRA. What an idiot I am. I had originally bought three, but only wanted to keep two. Therefore, I not only had to return the correct one, but also, buy back the one I returned in the first place. Don't ask.

So the first thing I have to say is: OMG. I WAS IN CULTURE SHOCK. I could not beLIEVE the traffic leading into the mall. IT WAS CRAZY. And... it took me a good ten minutes to even FIND a parking space. Serves me right to begin with however, for even thinking of going into the city so close to Christmas. But... I survived.

Second of all... THE PEOPLE! Whoa. Who ever said there was an economy problem here in the U.S.?? Have they even BEEN to a store recently? I happened to glance into the huge windows of the Old Navy store and there were hordes of people happily in way long lines, willing to wait and wait until they got to a cashier. So much for money woes.

Third of all, I was THRILLED to see on way back to my car, a sign across the street... another mall altogether... that a JO-ANN FABRICS store had opened. Who knew?? I was in my glory. I headed over there, walked in and was surrounded by bolts and bolts of alllll kinds of fabrics! Best of all, thanks to my self pleasuring decision, I could walk around the store, with no need to hurry, eyeing and touching all the fabrics that caught my fancy. It was wonderful. I love the sensuality of feeling the silks, the chiffons and the satins. I also love seeing the glittered, blingy fabrics. By the time I left, I bought a yard and a half of three separate knitted fabrics to make slacks.

Fourth of all, I was then able to head back towards home, stopping first at the Verizon store. Seems as if I needed further instruction on how to upload a video given I was in PENDING mode for over a week. Boom. I met Jonas who told me what my deal was AND he threw in the fact I could call him anytime, night or day. To which you just KNOW I had a comeback. Talk about setting me up for a hilarious reply.

Fifth of all, next I headed over to Moe's Southwestern Grill to retrieve my alltime favorite black fur scarf that they FOUND after all. I was sure it was gone forever. Man... was I ever thrilled. Not enough though, to stay and grab something to eat. THAT I did on my next stop which was SUBWAY. I decided having a turkey sub on whole wheat was better than some sort of burrito with everything known to man layered into it.

I figured I arrived back home maybe five hours later feeling every bit of pleasure for which I had hoped. I meandered anywhere I wanted and did so with having to please only one person... ME. Naturally, somewhere during the evening news, I fell right smack to sleep for at least an hour, but whatever. In fact, I was so alert after my nap that I was up until exactly 2:20 a.m. at which time I fell into a total, complete, happy slumber.

Which was good given today, I was invited to a FANTASTIC Christmas Musical Celebration with dinner to follow. YEA. And tomorrow I'll be with 8 others for a few hours of Canasta. Throw in another four or five more holiday parties on the agenda and boom. I'll be surrounded by all SORTS of people once again. 

So much for going solo in the pleasuring department.

WHERE ARE THE WORDS

I can't even find the words... and nor can you... to imagine what the families of the slain children must be feeling tonight. It's a sheer tragedy and one that will define the parents of these children for the rest of their lives. It's heartbreaking to the core.

I am anti gun. I always have been. I would NEVER have allowed a gun in my home, whether my kids be young OR grown. There is only one purpose for aiming a gun. To kill. And if it's killing you're in to, then for SURE you shouldn't have one. Oh yeah... for those who own a gun for "protection"... here's a heads' up... I can almost promise that you will never be any where near wherever you keep the gun, when the protection is actually needed. You're in the kitchen when you discover you're face to face with danger?? Boom. The gun will be somewhere in the bedroom, with no chance of retrieving it in time. 

If you know anyone who already has a gun, my suggestion is you tell especially them... OKAY. HAVE YOUR DAMN GUN, BUT... DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY to help fight gun control as part of countering your ownership. DO ANYTHING, but do something. This country is in desperate need of winning it's fight for gun control laws. When we need to begin protecting our children while in elementary schools, this is a major sign that we are f'ed but good. Let alone protecting yourself and/or your children when off to a shopping mall. Don't ask. I am simply sickened by this entire bulls^%*t.

No words can describe how I feel. Nor is there any possible argument you can offer up to defend the need of a fire arm. We should be ashamed to be a country known for having more guns than any other country, world wide. Thus... what a surprise... our citizens kill more fellow citizens than anywhere on the planet. 

This is nothing short of a shame. A bloody shame. Bless those children in Connecticut. Bless their teachers. Bless their families.

I'M A SURGEON

See this picture? Know what it is?? Well... I'll give you a clue: it's a transplant of sorts. And I'm really proud my surgical skill, I must admit. MAJOR proud, to be exact. To be clear, this is the "before" transplant. The "after" is way better looking, given it's brand new and correctly installed. 

Turns out, the other day I performed surgery on my sewing machine and I am SHOCKED I figured out how to do it.

Normally, whenever I have a problem with the machine, I'm forced to travel about a half hour away, leave the machine for at least a week, drive back home another half hour, then of course make the trip all over again to it pick up all spiffy and repaired. True... the place does an entire fabulous spring cleaning on my machine but I'm still forced to go this sewing store for even the smallest of troubles. Plus, of course, I have to ante up plenty of bucks.

But, it's worth it. This is a sewing machine my Mother had given me YEARS and YEARS ago, and I love it despite it's age. In fact, after Mom passed away, I took her updated machine, but I never even opened it yet. I'm still sticking with my old tried and true one. Who needs all the fancy schmancy computerized buttons, anyway?? 

Besides... while my mother was a master seamstress, I am nothing but a pretend sort of sewer. I do my own tailoring of ready to wear clothing, yes. But I do it the alltime easiest and/or most simplistic way known to man. My Mother on the other hand, created fantastic, fine styled clothing from scratch. If pressed, she could even sew a gentleman's sport coat for instance. Me?? I'm more into sewing leggings from scratch. They come out damn good, but it's a completely different approach than my Mom's.

In the meantime, my recent surgery was a HUGE deal to me. It's probably Mickey Mouse to most others but who cares. Get this...

I had to change the light bulb above the presser foot! So I could actually SEE the stitching as it was moving right along. I can't believe it... after allllll these years, the light bulb burnt out. EEKS. Enter: surgical procedure.

How in hell DOES one replace that bulb, anyway?? There was absolutely NO WAY whatsoever I could find an opening to allow me to do so. How does one even GET to it?? I was totally stymied. And was totally too lazy to drive a half hour back and forth to find out how.

Soooo... while I was in a fabric store the other day, a light bulb... no pun intended... went off in my head. As in: Ask them if they sold bulbs for a Bernina Sewing Machine and then come home... and Google how to do it myself! Bingo. I was half way through Sewing Machine Medical School.  

I got the correct bulb, came home, indeed Googled the info I needed and THEN... I went to YouTube to watch and learn exactly how how this procedure was to go down . OMG... THIS WAS SHEER GENIUS. Best of all, there actually WAS a video showing me EXACTLY how to perform the replacement... in easy step by step instructions no less!

Talk about being in heaven. I WAS IN MY GLORY. I watched the video... got out the tools I needed to open a part of the sewing machine I'd never even noticed before AND WHAMMO.... SWITCHED OUT THE LIGHTS. It was nothing short of miraculous. I'M A MECHANICAL SURGEON. Who knew??

Which only  means that NOW... I have a brand spanking new light bulb in my machine AND I can see my stitching. WHAT A DEAL. Anddddddddd... best of all??? IT COST ME ALL OF $1.99!!! Oh man... I can't tell you how thrilled I was to see this all work out so well. I only WISHED my Mother could have seen this! On the other hand, I'll bet SHE would have known how to tear the entire machine apart and do all the maintenance ever needed for a lifetime.

No wonder. She was my Mother. She knew everything.

RUN, FORREST, RUN

I swear... I felt like Forrest Gump today. I can't believe it. I could have walked MILES and MILES.

For my core training class today, I left my house about 11:20. Which means... I must have put my athletic shoes on about 11:10. Once I got there, Deanna was talking to me about how comfy our shoes are. I had to agree... but unlike alot of other people, I would NEVER wear these shoes anywhere but to exercising. They may be comfortable as hell, but man, are they ever not pretty looking at all. WAY too un-feminine for my taste.

Truth be told... I have lots of shoes. I love shoes. And I love flats, in particular. Especially since I basically had to give up heels years ago, but whatever. In the meantime, I have zillions of flats and most are pretty damn spiffy looking if I say so myself. My favorite ones are probably the ones I bought at Talbot's about six months ago... made of a black lace like fabric through which you can see the toes. VERY sexy looking. VERY pricey, too, but it was a sheer pleasure spending the bucks since the shoes ARE stunning. Up above you'll see what they look like.

My athletic shoes on the other hand, are way clunky and totally unattractive. BUT MAN, ARE THEY EVER A DELIGHT FOR THE FEET. Which is why Deanna and I were comparing shoes in the first place. Anyway... as it happens I had a lot of places to go after our workout.

Naturally, lunch was first on the list. I hooked up with two friends... had a nice long lunch and chit chat. Then I had to take one of them to pick up their car, so therefore... we all decided to get some dessert and meet up yet again. This time... at the fresh yogurt place almost next door to the car place, to continue our eating and/or our chit chat. THEN, I had to do several errands, and by the time I got home, I still had my ugly athletic shoes still on. SO NOT LIKE ME.

In fact, at some point I sat down to watch the news, and by the time it was over, at 7:00, I noticed the shoes were still on my feet and I thought... OMG... I COULD BE FORREST GUMP. Meaning: given I had worn these shoes all day long, I immediately realized... with THESE??? OH MAN. I COULD WALK AND WALK AND WALK AND WALK FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES AND STILL... MY FEET WOULD FEEL GREAT.. Of course Forrest was heavy into running, but THAT I would never ever consider, even from room to room. Believe me... I don't normally like to break a sweat, if I can ever possibly help it.

Anyway, no sooner had I realized I could be Forrest, than I picked up the phone, called Deanna and told her: from now on, my new name is FORREST. And I told her why. After which we both had a great laugh, but I mean it... these monstrosity of shoes are simply incredible!

On the other hand, they are for core training only. Give me my black lace flats ANY day. Or even my black Anne Klein flats with the beautiful gold initials. Or better yet, my black sequined covered smoking shoe flats which are now all the rage. THOSE shoes may not be made for walking all day long but whoa are they ever pretty! Just the way I like it.