MOTHER'S DAY

So what a great day this has turned out to be. Well... other than not being able to see my kid, but that will come soon enough. What I did get to see however, was the most stunning day ever.

I knew it would be great the moment I woke up. Get this... the temp was 50 degrees! As we speak, it's in the 30s but earlier this afternoon the wind was blowing and the sun was bright and I just can't get OVER this glorious weather in the middle of May. Better yet...

Today I went to a Mother's Day fancy schmancy brunch that was delicious. Afterwards... sitting out on the fantastic patio, staring at the gorgeous mountains was simply nothing short of amazing. Seriously... some part of nature has struck me so, every day this entire season.  

In addition to all this... I not only got beautiful flowers from my son, but also got to speak to him earlier today. Ahhhh... life is sweet. I even wore one of my own Mother's bracelets today, which I love doing since that way, she can be with me on special occasions. Oh yeah... I was even able to squeeze in a great 1 and 1/2 hour nap today, too. Always a bonus.

NOW I get to get ready for the next major event of the month. My birthday, of course. YIPPEE. A week from today... 65! I am so looking forward to THAT. I get to kick it off btw, with a special luncheon in my honor on Thursday... where I'm pretty much looking forward to a delicious birthday cake with butter cream icing. My definite favorite. Not discounting of course the fact I'll be with some of my favorite people. In the meantime, all I can say is...

I think of my Mother every single day. Mother's Day or not. She taught me so much of what I know and I'll always be so, so grateful. Besides, I have her calves and ankles and they ARE basically the best parts of my body, actually. I also have her flat ass, which unfortunately is not my best body part in the least. But you know the drill... you win some, you lose some. Actually, up above, you see a picture of my Mother holding me when I was but months old. Kinda like me holding my own kid, down below. Along with a shot of my Mother with Claudia and I. And in case you're wondering... I'm the one in the big girl panties.

For now however, Happy Mother's Day to everyone... whether you're an actual mother or not. For in my book, every woman has done some mothering at some point in her life. She's mothered either a relative, a friend and surely a husband if ever she's had one. I mean seriously, men CAN be major babies at times, right?

Therefore... regardless of who it is you've nurtured, loved or cared for... enjoy the day, ladies. God knows I have!

LASTLY... ALL SPRUCED UP

Wow. After 6 days of 24/7 rain FINALLY today there is some blue sky! Although I will admit I LOVE grey, rainy skies as long as I'm indoors, relaxing and happily busy doing all my little projects. Plus, I don't even need a jacket today since I think the temps are in the mid 60s as we speak.

So what has all this rain done to all of nature outside my very own home? Get a load of the picture up above. THAT'LL tell you what's going on with nature. EVERYTHING'S GROWING LIKE WILD FIRE. Which actually, is Mother Nature at her best. Given the fact that Spring is here AND it's been raining everyday, all the buds on every tree, bush and flower are bursting out like crazy. But the buds I love most are the ones in the tree up there.

This tree is a Blue Spruce Pine I planted right smack in front of my bedroom window five years ago. I can't get OVER how many buds there are on this tree! When first planted, you had to look way down my window to see it's top. It was maybe four feet below the window sill. The entire purpose of planting it there, btw, was so that I would be able to make sure that the neighbors bathroom window, directly across from my bedroom window would be totally covered. Thus allowing ME to then be totally UNcovered in my bedroom, anytime I wanted, with complete privacy. It's amazing to me that now, after five years... guess what... NO ONE CAN SEE IN AT ALL! Yippee. Talk about mission accomplished. Which leads me to: how'd all this privacy happen, anyway?? Easy.

See all those buds on the tips of the tree branches?? Every year more and more grew and every year more and more of my window became covered. These baby buds absolutely amaze me. I see them once a year, right about now, and the next thing I know... boom... my tree gets taller and wider and my privacy becomes all the greater. So that NOW... what a delight. I don't have into see the neighbor's window and for sure, they can't see into mine. The way these buds just pop up after Winter is astounding. And... look at how MANY there are.

Even better is that I got this tree for free! For one of my birthdays several years ago, about 10 of my girlfriends got together and bought a gift certificate for me from GROWING CONCERN... a nursery here in town. I was THRILLED with the gift and marched my ass on down to the place, with the exact intent of buying myself a tree instead of plants, bushes, etc. Especially since I KNEW I wanted one right by my bedroom. Bingo. Half hour later the tree was bought, the plans were made for it to be planted and bingo. All I had to do was to sit tight for a few years and voila'. Privacy abounds.

I can't tell you how much I love this. And oh yeah... get a load of the picture below. This is exactly what I saw when I opened my front door this morning. SO fantastic. I TOLD Spring was bursting out all over! Man, I'm so loving this.

AND NOW... FOR THE FRONT LAWN

I've been pretty busy lately focusing on the stunning flowers on my back deck, which believe me... they deserve... but now... oh man, you should see what's about to explode on my FRONT lawn. The two big bushes up above without any blooms are a couple of my several hydrangeas and just WAIT til they flower. OMG. There's nothing like it. Anyway...

The same magic rain that fell on the back deck apparently also fell on the front yard, for all the gorgeous blooms are about ready to pop. The greenery has all returned from after over 5 months of winter type weather and the entire city is just all abloom right now. Including my front lawn which is just now getting it's groove on. There... you can see a picture of it up above. Unfortunately what you can't yet see are all the hydrangea blooms which won't pop out for about another month, but like I said... when they do??? OMG. THAT'S WHEN I FLIP OUT.

The hydrangeas are my favorites for they are BIG and COLORFUL and stay on the plant til almost Autumn. I have white, purple, blue and deep pinks and during the summer you can't IMAGINE how busy I will be snipping off the flower heads to put in my vases all around the house. Even the pink rhododendrons are beginning to bloom and when those whole plants are in bloom it looks amazing. I must have about six or seven hydrangeas, which right now have all gotten their leaves back but damn... it'll be just a couple weeks at least until their flowering begins popping out like corn. In the meantime...

I still can't believe how far all these plants have come in the past six years. I remember well how SMALL everything was when first planted. Now??? Lordy... the front of the house is just so happy looking every time I pull into my driveway. Not only can I see the two gardens... each on opposite sides of the front door... but the colors are astounding. Actually, all this raving about the front yard gardens is also astounding since I am SO not a gardener in the least. I keep it nice and simple... I turn on the spigot, I pick up the hose... boom... I water the flowering plants. I don't even bother with the rest of them. True... every so often I use liquid food for these lovelies, but even that too, I use with an attached hose. Talk about lazy. 

So as I see it... all the greenery is very much coming back after winter. As of yet though... while the azaleas and pansies are out in color, the hydrangeas, the rhodies, the lilies and the roses are apparently going to make me wait it out. Of course the cause for said wait COULD be that here we are, the third day of May and still the temps haven't risen above a daytime high of 64 degrees. How much do I love THAT?? Oh man... you have no idea. As a matter of fact, when I went out tonight, it was 53... I had to wear a coat!! Not my heavy winter one, mind you, but still... a coat!!!

Exactly why I moved here in the first place!! Which, btw, was the best decision I ever made. Oh yeah... here's a picture of the other garden... on the other side of my front lawn. 

Here there are three hydrangeas bushes and two rhododendron waiting to break out. I can't even believe all this greenery is BACK. Thank God. I can not tell you how I simply love the changes of each season... now THIS is a way to brighten your soul if ever there was. 

ISN'T HE BEAUTIFUL???

OMG... I so love this newest find for my Laughing Buddha Collection. Isn't he just stunning?? I was thrilled when I came across him... whom btw, I've named Sumo Tu. I had to. Turns out I THINK I already named either the one in my bedroom or the one in my kitchen dining area Sumo but I can't remember. So boom. This new one has to be Sumo Tu. I decided to rename the other guy Sumo Won. Man... I just wished I could think of the name I gave to the others, but I have no clue. Whatever. In the meantime Sazen, whom I bought a few years ago, is my favorite Buddah but he no longer lives here thus so much for HIS picture.

As it happens, I now have five Laughing Buddhas in my house. One in the five rooms in which I spend most of my time. I adore each and every one of them. Down below you can see a picture of each of them. I love the guy with his hands up in the air since he was my first. Then I found the red one who lives in my family room to greet everyone who comes through my front door. The sleeping baby on the elephant?? Oh man... HE lives on my bedroom dresser so I can happily stare at him all day long. The guy lying on his belly with his head resting in his hands? HE is fantastic and lives on my kitchen side table. As for the three on the ground, they live outside by the steps leading up to my front door.

The best thing about each of my Buddhas are their expressions. Each one has a very different personality. Sumo Tu happens to be the most regal given the detail in his robe. Plus, you should see the BACK of him. The robe is equally detailed with one shoulder covered and the other exposed. I'm so telling you... all of them are fantastic. Granted the three that are kept outdoors are becoming obviously weathered but I'm kinda liking the look. They had started out somewhat metallic looking but maybe one of these days I'll spruce them up. Keyword: maybe.

 In the meantime, I figure that anyone in my house is going to filled with laughter and good times given all the great aura I'm providing. Sort of like: excellent karma is hanging out all over the place. Which naturally is a GOOD thing. I almost feel as if a robber should ever enter my house... Sure. Go ahead. Steal my big TVs and whatever jewelry you want BUT PLEASSSSSSE DON'T STEAL MY BUDDHAS! I really do love them dearly.

So how did I even find Sumo Tu this afternoon?? Get this... for the past couple of weeks, I've been getting ALL kinds of birthday cards from my local stores, offering me discounts to please come in and spend lots of money. Boy do THEY ever have me pegged. Anyway, I got a card from the store where Sumo Tu was and as soon as I walked in, I asked: YOU HAVE ANY BUDDHAS?? Turns out this new one came in just YESTERDAY. I took one look at him and said: BINGO. DONE. I WANT HIM. So I bought him... with a 15% discount, btw. Who could ask for more??

Well maybe me, since I DO need to decide where to now place Sumo Tu. He deserves a place of prominence for SURE. I just can't figure out where quite yet. I mean... I'd hate to kick any of the others out of their place, but man, this is going to be mighty tricky. Plus... I don't want any of them to look tacky by way of overloading any one room. Hmmmmm. This can be a challenge alright, I can see already. And... I am very particular how they are angled in each room. Talk about anal, I know. Case in point:

The wooden guy is facing my bed so that wonderful lovemaking will always take place. Reddie is facing so as to greet guests when they walk in the house and so he can then see us when in the family room. The one with his face in his hands faces me specifically so he can see me as I work in my kitchen. The baby sleeping on the elephant faces my into my entire bedroom. All in all... I'm surrounded with happy serenity wherever I may be.

Anyway... yippee for me. I have the alltime best Laughing Buddhas ever and thanks to my birthday card discount, I have yet another. I totally feel their happy spirit all around me. The only belly I rub btw is the red one. Whenever I REALLY want a wish to come true I run right to Reddie, rub his belly as I make my wish and I'm so telling you... 98% of the time, IT WORKS! And if you ever come to my house, you can rub his belly too! Even better... you'll get to see ALL of my Laughing Buddhas. Here's a quick glance of what they all look like. Trust me... they are all extraordinarily special.

MAY DAY! MAY DAY!

Man... I am a sheer wreck today. And totally depressed. I can't even believe it. What a way to start off my infamous birthday month. Here's how it all went down:

All of a sudden, I decided that rather than wait out the entire month of May, I'll first go meet my friends for lunch and THEN I'll mosey on down to the Division of Motor Vehicles place and take the ROAD SIGNS TEST for renewing my driver's license.

I have had the two sheets of signs... one REGULATORY and one WARNING... on my kitchen counter for a month already, so I could practice should the mood ever strike me. And also, so I could be sure to maintain my nerves and fright over the whole deal for as long as I possibly could. Which IS my favorite mode of operandi in the first place. For some reason, I just KNEW I was going to f*ck up on the test and not be able to pass. Of course everyone ELSE said to me... DON'T WORRY. IT'S EASY... but I just had a bad feeling about it all. Turns out we were both right.  

Get this: I did in fact decide to take a chance that there'd be no lines and I went to take my test today. Besides, this way... should I fail, I'd have plenty of time to retake it. So bingo... I walked into the DMV and lucky me... I WAS THE FIRST ONE CALLED after about a mere five minute wait. The guy handed me the practice card of all the signs which he told me to hurry up and learn since they'd be calling me real quickly.

Sure enough, after just a minute of skimming the card, I was called in by Kimbraugh, a nice lady who btw, in a few weeks will be retiring after 30 years. Which is way too bad since I SO wanted her to be there when I take my test once again in 8 years. In the meantime, I told Kimbraugh right off the bat I was really nervous... and she told me it's no big deal. I should just relax. So I believed her. Come to find out... I haven't relaxed YET.

Anyway... Kimbraugh tells me to look into this machine of sorts and read all the signs. Which I did. I told her I had no clue what the blank round yellow circle meant, which come to find out was: a railroad crossing. Oops. That was the easy part, however. After doing all the signs, THEN Kimbraugh throws me a curve ball and whammo. That's where my troubles began. Now I had to look into this machine once again and then read these ridiculously teeny tiny sized LETTERS AND NUMBERS.

NONE of which I could even read btw, given my eye disease whereby I have gradual sight deterioration with each passing day. Therefore I WAS NOW A FREAKIN' MESS. Because THIS test is the one that tests your distance eyesight, which has been the bane of existence for the past 6 years. Don't even ask. I am at the eye specialist every six months to see how the retinal vascular disease is progressing. But that's a whole story onto itself.

In the meantime... Kimbraugh  then tells me to read the bottom line of these minuscule letters, Line Four. NEVER HAPPENING. I couldn't see shit thus told her no thanks. I wanted instead, to please read the top line, the one with the much BIGGER letters even though those were no walk in the park either. Uh... sadly, she declined my offer. Damnit.

Instead, I had to begin trying to read Line Three. Don't ask. I swear to God... I could hardly make anything out, but I kept on trying; squinting, moving my head a little from side to side, etc. etc. You can't even IMAGine how I was struggling to see these baby characters. My heart was pounding but plenty by this point. I am SURE I got WAY too many wrong and Kimbraugh could have easily failed me, thus  I seriously think she must have taken major pity on me because in the end... guess what?? I PASSED!!

Barely though, if you ask me. The numbers btw, were no easier for me. I am telling you... these letters and numbers were TINY. As it is, I don't drive on out of town big interstates anymore given... what a surprise... I can't read the signs up above until I'm like right smack on top of them. But here in my baby little city?? HERE I can see the streets, cars, etc. perfectly. By memory, if nothing else. So I've decided the bottom line here is several things:

1. Instead of being thrilled I surprisingly passed, I am a total mess thinking of 2020 when I'll have to take this test yet again.
2. I am hoping that come about four years from now, when it's time for my cataract surgery, my eye sight will improve. Although I know already it won't.
3. I'll probably have to lie and simply drive without a license after my next test since that I KNOW I'll fail.
4. I'll have to ante up bucks and hire a chauffeur.
5. I'll be totally depressed for the next eight years.

In none of these scenarios do I find a happy ending, I might add. I am SO screwed and I know it. UNLESS... as I've already told my doctors... they write me a note saying to the NCDMV: Don't worry. This lady will be perfectly fine on the roads around town. Big deal if she can't see names of the streets or stores or whatever... she CAN see the cars, people, yellow lines and traffic lights.

To me that's all that should count, anyway. It's just the DISTANCE stuff I can't see. Which I'm sorry to say... the DMV is pretty big on. Oh yeah... Kimbraugh also told me that to pass the driving test, you need to have a minimum of 20/50 vision. Which is exactly what I have NOW. Can you imagine what I'll have in 8 years?? Plus... I think she said you should be able to see all these signs from at least something like 26 feet away. Which on this test machine... mimicing real life distance... was definitely a stretch for my eyeballs.

THEREFORE... OH MAN. JUST SHOOT ME NOW, PLEASE. I have been so damn crestfallen ever since I came home from the whole experience that you wanna guess what I did about an hour ago?? I DOWNED SIX CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES LICKETY SPLIT!! True, they certainly helped to calm me down somewhat, but I could have SO easily eaten an entire dozen were I not so afraid of the sugar content. Besides... you have any idea how many I'm going to need to eat by 2020 to ease my depression?? Don't ask.

In the meantime, I don't even know what to say. Plus, I don't even know who to bribe, should the time ever come. All I CAN say is: this totally sucks. Talk about where is Morgan Freeman when I need him?? Oh yeah... there WAS one good thing to all this, btw...

The picture on my new license is FAR better than on my old one. Some comfort, huh?

BODY STYLE

OMG... I can't believe this... after YEARS of trying to figure out my body type I had an amazing revelation this morning. FINALLY... I can now officially declare that indeed I even HAVE a body type. Sitting down?? I'M BUILT LIKE A SUMO WRESTLER!!! Whoa... now THERE'S a rude awakening, if ever there was!! But seriously...

The more I thought about it, the more it made total sense. First of all, my Mother was of Japanese descent. Second of all, I have a very broad back from shoulder to shoulder. Third of all, my crappy ass belly is WAY bigger and rounder than my ass which unfortunately, is totally flat. Pretty much like God just turned my head around 180 degrees. Fourth of all, like the wrestlers, my sagging breasts are like a nightmare. Fifth of all, I have always been a cubbette. And sixth of all, for most of my adult life, I even wore my hair pulled back into a chignon at the nape of my neck.

BINGO. I'M A FREAKIN' FEMALE SUMO LADY. Oh my Goddddd. Soooo not the kind of news that can be good.

On the other hand, I am completely in love with the entire concept of sumo wrestlers. They simply strike my curiosity from the get go. Can you imagine... you're actually GROOMED TO BE HUGE?? As in: you're deliberately fed to be as fat as you possibly can. Now THAT'S a concept that can be intriguing. Talk about having my name written all over it. Plus, get this... the wrestlers love naps! Now if that isn't me, what IS? In fact, the wrestlers take one after their largest meal just to be SURE they pack on the pounds!

Supposedly sumo wrestling is a "sport" although I'd almost have to say that to align this to a sport would be kinda like saying synchronized swimming is a sport, which I don't care what anyone says... it's not. It's more like fun in the pool, if you ask me. But whatever. Anyway, the REAL meal these wrestlers have eat to stay so "in shape" shall we say, is beef stew with plenty of veggies... which I just have to say... I love TOO! Here... you can learn alot more about the life of a sumo wrestler by clicking on THIS. I love the fact, btw, that all wrestlers live in "stables". I know... crazy, right?

Sumo wrestling began as entertainment for the Shinto Gods, also known as Kami. And oh man, would I ever love to be entertained, alright by actually seeing a match up close and personal. If my Mother were alive, I'd almost have to ask her to please call her relatives and find out if any happen to be wrestlers. That would SO put me over the moon. For now however...

Here I am on Earth, pretty happy that I finally have a defined body type. I'm not lean nor thin. I don't have the Apple or Pear Shape body but instead... I have A SUMO BODY. Believe me... that's way beyond Specialty Sizing in Nordstrom's or Lord & Taylor's. What bright idea will pop into my head tomorrow, I have no clue. I'm just glad that today, I discovered my body lookalike. And of course pray that should I ever reTURN to this world yet again.... I'll then have the shape of a supermodel. If only.  

LET'S DO BREAKFAST

Basically anyone who knows me well, also knows that I have a huge appetite. On the other hand, I rarely eat more than one full meal a day... the rest of the meals for that day consist of either leftovers, cottage cheese or a huge salad. Case in point: tonight I am going to a dinner party, thus I had nothing to eat but a small croissant about noon, I guess. I'm saving the rest of my appetite for tonight's dinner. And naturally, tonight's dessert.

However the day I really want to focus on is last Wednesday, when I met two friends for breakfast. Finally. The diner we love to go to decided to wise up and serve breakfast all day long. Which is good since I never eat breakfast, my favorite meal btw, before 11 o'clock at the earliest. Which means I practically NEVER get to dine out for my breakfast delights given almost all restaurants stop serving them at just about 11.

Delights which you can see in the picture up above. I just had to take a picture of it, given that in real life, you have never SEEN so much food for one person that it freaked even ME out... the person who actually ordered the meal. On the other hand, this is pretty much my standard meal when I'm out. 

I always start with the cranberry muffin as an appetizer (the top of it only) then I order eggs, grits, sausage and then a side of one blueberry pancake. This is pretty much my morning meal at any restaurant in which I'm dining. Especially diners. Anyway... I had no clue the meal came with a buttered English Muffin so as you can see, I just HAD to have a couple bites of that, too. Man, was it delicious. All in all, I loved the entire meal. In fact, I've included an AFTER picture down below just so you could see how much I downed when all was said and done. In the meantime...

There were three of us there on Wednesday and we had been seated in the little corner of the room, where I have sat often. The table is wonderful... although I must admit there is one drawback; the table faces the only bathroom in the place with a short hallway leading to it's door meaning: you get a pretty good view of who enters and/or leaves. Which I suppose can either be a blessing or a distraction, depending upon one's urgency but whatever.

On Wednesday however, I'd have to say the bathroom turned out to be a distraction. Wanna guess why?? Get this: there I was, chattering along merrily with my friends when I noticed some big guy leaving the bathroom. I looked up and saw not only the guy right by me BUT ALSO... that the guy left the light on AND HE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP. I wanted to throw up imagining ME HAVING TO DO HIS DIRTY WORK should I need the facilities next.

Therefore I IMMEDIATELY I called out to the guy... HEY! HEY! UH... YOU'RE NOT QUITE FINISHED. FORGET ANYTHING?? YOU BETTER COME BACK AND CHECK OUT THE BATHROOM ONCE AGAIN!! I'm telling you why men leave their disgusting toilet seats up is beyond me. Anyway, in a flash, once he got the puzzled look off his face, he did in fact come back, see that the lid was in the up position, put it down with his foot, turned off the light and then strolled right back by me once again. Grumbling, I am SURE: That stupid bitch!!

But I didn't care one damn bit. Why the hell should I have to fix his tasteless bathroom habits just because he doesn't?? I'm telling you... it was crazy. Of course, AFTER he finished, I did begin counting all the people who went in after he did... seven in total... and then I realized: OMG. I HAVE TO USE A TOILET SEVEN F-ING STRANGERS USED BEFORE ME??? Oh man... so not my style. Of course, half the time I have no choice, but still.

Anyway, the three of us got a slight kick out my reprimanding the guy and I have to say I think I'm lucky the guy didn't just shoot me. Like since when was I ever appointed the Bathroom Police? On the other hand I had no regrets whatsoever. In fact, I'm almost thinking of bringing a homemade sign the next time I go there stating: ATTENTION MEN: PUT DOWN YOU F-ING TOILET SEATS SO THE REST OF US DON'T HAVE TO. AND OH YEAH... WASH YOUR HANDS AFTERWARDS, TOO! That's all I need... to know they used their filthy hands to open/shut the door. Oh man... don't even get me started on THAT.

In closing... thanks for letting me vent and as a present, I'll let you see how much I ate. With sheer delight, I might add.

GULP... NOT LONG NOW

OMG... just three weeks from now and bingo. I'll officially be old. Well, according to this latest card I got in the mail, anyway. I have to tell you... when I opened the envelope, I was THRILLED I could now get free membership at the gym although I don't know yet where I'll be able to fit yet MORE exercise into my basically lazy life. True... I do yoga every night and I go to core training each week but NOW... oh man, the powers that be apparently want me to become MAJOR fit. Not necessarily up my alley, but okay. I get it. I realize that reaching 65 IS a major milestone and basically, I am thrilled about it. 

First of all, I could be dead, so reaching 65 is actually a good thing. Plus... being kaput would make it much harder to enjoy yet another birthday cake in my honor. Second of all, I am in pretty good health so that alone is a blessing. Third of all, I have some happy celebratory plans and that's always fun. Although I AM keeping it kind of low key this year, since way more than being in my glory over my birthday... I am FAR more in my glory over the fact I will be saving thousands of dollars each year for medical care. Seriously. And fourth of all... isn't 65 like the new 50?? Bingo. I'm young again.

In the meantime... in honor of my upcoming birthday, a couple of months ago I started a sort of contest. I decided I wanted an official photo of me to mark the big event. Thus... I let everyone I came across have one shot at taking a picture of me and in the end I would choose the winner. Guess who it was. Think: CLAUDIA. 

As it happens... she was here one day... took the camera... snapped off several shots and bingo. One of them was the winner. You can even see it down below here. Now, I'm not saying it's the prettiest picture I've even taken, but something in my face makes me happy. I can't pinpoint the reason exactly, but when you get right down to it... who gives a sh$t. I just know something about it makes me smile. Maybe it's the fact that in a photo of me at 50, I have pretty much the same expression in the shot but whatever.

Okay. So then... I decided I would trace myself back through my 60s and see what the F I looked like all these years. By clicking HERE you can catch a glimpse, btw. It's kinda freaky, given there are several different looks, yet I remember them all. As well as remember the times the pictures were actually taken. Even the very first one which yes, I know... I wasn't in my 60s back then. Think instead: nine years old. Regardless, what gets me even more than anything is the shot from my birthday LAST year... the one with the balloon right behind me. Whoa. What a switch up if you ask me.    

So all in all... as long as I don't kick the bucket anytime before the middle of May, I am kinda tickled that I'll soon be an official Senior Citizen. Especially since that when I began this particular blog, I was merely approaching it. Yikes. Talk about time flying when having fun. All I know is: I'm not my Grandmother's 65. Not even my Mother's, maybe. Although I must say, my Mother WAS a beautiful woman, even at my age. Anyway... without any further ado... ta dum... announcing the official portrait of me as a Senior Citizen. Unless of course, a better snapshot of me should ever pop up.

MORNING GLORY

Oh man... I feel so badly you can't be sleeping at my house right now. Let alone in my bedroom. Why?? Because when I woke up today... I did the same thing I immediately do every morning when I get out of bed. I opened my bedroom door that leads to my outside deck. And today, as SOON as I opened it, having already heard the chirping birds next to my bedside window, I had just one thought in my mind: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LUCKY I AM TO BE WAKING UP TO THIS EVERY DAY. IT'S TOTALLY STUNNING. And it's true. My view is just so glorious. And so very beautiful. It is simply remarkable to me that I am able to begin my day this way. 

So what is this fantastic view that has me so enthralled? Well, remember the Spring flowers I planted all over my deck about 6 weeks ago?? Guess what? THEY'RE ALL NOW SO HUGE AND SO STUNNING it takes my breath away. It's like the rain this month has had some magic water in it or something. I've never SEEN my flowers grow so bold and so colorful and so HUGE. I'm telling you... it's just a shame you can't be here to see this each morning. Or afternoon. Or even at dusk. Of course tonight there ARE frost warnings given the overnight temps will be in the low 30s, but my plants will make it just fine, I am sure. In the meantime....

I just HAVE to post some pictures here for you to check out. You won't believe it. You can see them down below. And... oh yeah. As if it wasn't enough to begin my day with such glory, you should have SEEN the full moon out tonight!! That too, took my breath away. It's huge, it's bright, it's nestled right smack in between my large trees and it's simply amazing. I ran for my camera when I got home tonight but trust me... the shots just don't do it justice. Regardless... I know. I got carried away with taking pictures of the flowers but whatever. I just couldn't help it. 

So what can I say? In the end, I get to start the day with nature's beauty. And I get to end the day with nature's beauty. Thus... seriously... how lucky am I!! Thank you God for all my blessings.

WARNING: HARD CORE PROFANITY

A word to the wise. If you find it difficult to deal with obscenity then I suggest you read no further. You'll surely flip out of your ever lovin' gourd should you decide to proceed.

If on the other hand, you're like me and are little bothered by irreverent four letter words and or concepts, then boom. Have I got something for you tonight. As in: a cartoon from Mr. Fish. Ever hear of him??

Turns out he's a political cartoonist. Not one you'll ever see in the New York Times mind you, but a cartoonist nonetheless. And, pretty filthy at times, too. Which frankly is basically easy for me to handle. Gore?? Blood?? Human slaughter?? Dead people in coffins?? Oh man... I'd rather have root a canal before I see anything like that. EVER. But satirical sacrilege?? I'm usually your target audience. 

Regardless... in the name of educating, here is a direct quote from Mr. Fish's website whereby either he himself or someone else offered up his bio: "Mr. Fish lives in Philadelphia, PA. He never asked to be born. Occasionally, he laughs his head off. His mother has no idea what he’s up to. She cries very easily. For more information, date him."

LOLOLOL How much do I love that?? Short and sweet and very much to the point. After reading this, I'm SO thinking of updating my Facebook profile, trust me. Of course, I'll have to personally name mySELF as the one who cries easily since that describes me to a T. Anyway...

I came across this cartoon the other day... and only WISHED I could send this message to every Republican on the planet. Talk about "I couldn't have said it better myself!" Besides... after you read this, you'll see why I can simply add nothing more. Other than: given the conduct of how our Republican Congressmen legislate for the common good, they pretty much deserve such a succint conclusion. Oh yeah... I just hope I don't kicked off my blog site. That said, here you go. Uh... be prepared.

Yeah I know. The last line in the cartoon is totally unnecessary but whatever.

HOLY MOTHER F

Whoa. WHAT A DAY. I swear to God... I feel like I'm watching a 24 hour movie and I can't believe it's NOT  a movie. Can you beLIEVE what's going on in Boston? Man oh man oh man. This guy is FRIED. Speaking of which, as we speak I'm hearing reports the boat is on fire which may or may not be true.

This was just the most incredible day for Bostonians. Not to mention for me. I never watch Cops and Robbers whether it be TV or film. But TODAY?? OMG... I've been GLUED to the television as I've been busy doing some hand sewing. I even had to cancel plans tonight since I am MESMERIZED by all these reports. I can't even explain it but boy am I ever hooked.

I am also STUNNED that within hours of the bomb explosions at the marathon boom. I see pictures not only identifying the suspects but ALSO have them named. WHOA. Talk about Johnny on the Spot for the law enforcement teams! Simply incredible. Which only goes to show... DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL. The cops will have you in the slammer quicker than you can say: CAN I CALL MY LAWYER, PLEASE??

I love the way, btw, the parents of these two boys say: WHAT? MY KIDS?? ABSOLUTELY NO WAY. Sorry folks. Apparently you have no idea what your sons are REALLY into. Can you even imagine?? From what I've learned these two boys had such promise and bingo. They become terrorists and/or dead. I'm telling you... if I should ever see MY kid on TV for any reason other than he won the lottery, just go ahead and shoot me.

All I know is that 1.) poor Boston has been through hell this week and 2.) don't ever f*ck with the American law enforcement agencies. I totally love that we have such fantastic capabilities to track down the bad guys. I mean seriously.... out of nowhere they find pictures of the suspects (thank you Lord & Taylor) and then bingo they have their names, their address, their computers, their movement, etc. etc.

OMG!! HE'S ALIVE AND IN CUSTODY!! AM OFF TO WATCH TV!!! What an end to such a freakin' remarkable story!! 

THEY SHOULD ALL... UH... BE SHOT

Shameful. Simply shameful.

I know... my title is a bit harsh and kinda overstated, but honest to God... how these U.S. Senators can sleep tonight is beyond me. The Representatives are no better, btw... but for now... it's the Senators of whom I am just so ashamed. HOW DARE THEY not pass stricter background checks for those whose who purchase guns! I could shoot the whole lot of them, damnit. Well, if I were into guns, that is. They so deserve it though.

In the meantime, are they out of their MINDS?? There's a problem for them assuring mental idiots or those with major arrest records don't have access to assault weapons?? Let alone hand guns?? I am just speechless. It also KILLS me that with the Democrats being in the majority WE STILL couldn't pass this very important bill. What?? All of a sudden it's a BAD thing to protect others by checking the backgrounds of those who have no business owning guns?? I am simply flabbergasted. And pretty much devastated.

I could go on and on ranting and raving about how pathetic U.S. Congressmen appear to be. They should ALL be kicked out on their asses and let me and all my friends run this country! Jesus... we could whip common sense back into legislating law in NO time! And save zillion of dollars too. 

YOU'RE GAY AND WANT TO GET MARRIED? Go the fuck ahead. What the hell do we care? Love and be happy. Boom. Done. YOU WANT TO BUY A GUN?? Fine... but first we have a little background check we want to do to be sure YOU'RE STABLE AND RESPONSIBLE. Fine. Done. But nooooooooooooo... this is way too out of the box for our elected politicians. YOU WANT TO BUY POT AND STAYED STONED OUT OF YOUR GOURD ALL F'ING DAY LONG? Sure. Go ahead. Of course, you'll never pass a drug test for a really decent job, but hey. Do whatever the hell you want. Bingo. Done.

Oh yeah.... and when all my friends and I are finally in charge of Congress and YOU'RE A LOBBYIST?? Easy. We'll simply say: Get the hell out of my office NOW. People elected me to legislate for the common good and welfare of all citizens. YOUR BRIBERY IS NOT NEEDED NOR WANTED. Drug lobbyists, gun lobbyists, insurance lobbyists, BANKING LOBBYISTS... they're ALL disgraceful in my book. STOP BRIBING MY CONGRESS TO HELP YOU MAKE EVEN MORE MILLIONS, FOR GOD SAKES. I hate the whole lot of you.

Yeah. Yeah. As you can see, I'm pretty peeved tonight. I hate the fact I live in a country that is going down the toilet faster than any decent civilization I can think of. People can't find work. People can't get medical care. People can't even get an education. People can't feed themselves nutritionally. BUT CONGRESS AND LOBBYISTS?? Oh man. THEY are living high on the hog and laughing all the way to the bank. Uh... right before they stop in at Wall Street that is. I'm pissed and I don't want to take it anymore!

Where are the ethics of these people?? Where is the decency in them? WHERE THE FUCK IS THEIR COMMITMENT TO MAKING THE UNITED STATES THE SAFEST, STRONGEST, FAIREST, HEALTHIEST, BEST EDUCATED PEOPLE ON THE PLANET EARTH?? Not to mention the most financially secure county in the world? Jesus. I am just so alarmed at the direction our country has been going for YEARS now. And basically you should be, as well.

I am just SO DAMN THANKFUL I have only about 20 years left to go in this criminal and crooked society we now find in Washington D.C. By then, I should be kicking the bucket and all I know is: GOOD F-ING LUCK TO MY KID AND HIS ENTIRE GENERATION. They so are being cheated out of innocence, decency and a protected quality of life. And replaced with WHAT?? Greed? Terror? Global Warming? GUNS IN EVERY CLASSROOM???? OMG. Forget about shooting Congress. SHOOT ME instead.  

And btw... as for bringing God into the whole fray of all our legislative process??? Oh please. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. I want to spit on the guy who suggested the RELIGION BILL making Christianity the official religion of our country. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? So much for the first amendment alright. Have they not HEARD of freedom of religion? As in: why our country was even founded it the FIRST PLACE?

When I'll calm down from all this... I have no clue. Just be sure that YOU VOTE EVERY IDIOT OUT OF OFFICE that you possibly can. And uh... if you're smart... elect ME. I'll bring in a SLEW of intelligent, educated, fair, responsible, clear thinking friends in a heartbeat. The only Tea Party WE'LL be thinking about is: the kind of tea that you... uh... don't even have to brew... if you catch my drift. Talk about Making Peace, Not War.    

BOSTON

What a tragedy. I can't even think of words to describe the horrible event of today... so I shan't. I am left feeling simply devastated, conflicted and dismayed. My heart breaks for everyone who expected to enjoy such a spectacular day only to find themselves and their surroundings in such ruins. I am shocked and speechless. Blessings to everyone who was impacted by this terrible turn of events.

AHHH... A WOMAN AGAIN

It's apparent that since my total hysterectomy at the mere age of 39, my chances of ever being a REAL woman again are pretty much remote. Seriously. My hormones left me in 1986 and frankly it always made me feel privately sad since 1.) I knew that should I want, I'd never be able to have any more children and 2.) the female parts of my body began aging pretty damn quickly ever since.

I handled the inward emotional part of it pretty well however, and in fact have been pretty happy with having had just one child. What I haven't been so happy with was the fact that at age 44 I had to basically give up wearing high heels, a shoe that is basically so feminine and so ladylike. I could stand all day long back in those days wearing a slim three inch heel, I'll bet. I loved the ankle strap shoes best, btw. To slide a foot into a beautiful pair of heels, see the calves of a woman's foot so well defined and then tie the straps around a beautifully shaped ankle is simply stunning. And... back then I had both the calves and the ankles to show all this off.

Then boom. One night while walking into a restaurant, while wearing a pair of  wedged espadrilles, I stepped on a stone of sorts and bingo. HELLO BROKEN FOOT BONES. O.M. G. My ankle immediately twisted and I was in such pain it was unbelievable. I wound up going to the ER and then wearing a cast up to my knee for about six weeks and it was totally crazy. It was also the last time I was able to wear high heels.

Until Friday that is. Turns out that I went to COSTCO... major superior to SAM'S, btw. Normally all I ever get to go to is Sam's because that's the only huge warehouse store here in my town. COSTCO on the other hand is about 45 minutes away and I'm way too lazy to usually make that trip. However... I got a call from a friend... said let's do Costco... so I and a couple of others agreed... and the four of us headed out. Man what a treat. Hands down, Costco is far and away head's above Sam's and although I hadn't been there in YEARS, it didn't disappoint. 

Case in point: No sooner had I walked in the store... boom. I saw a display for One Sole Shoes. What a way to greet me, if you must know. Fantastic shoes display? Bingo. I'm there. If you don't know what these are... it's a company that makes about a dozen different designs of shoe soles and about a zillion designs of stretchy, comfy straps that snap across the top of the foot to basically give a hundred different looks. You have to go on a trip? Easy. Pack one sole and a bunch of different straps and whammo. You have 6 different looks for the entire trip. Totally up my alley.

So... Annie was the sales person at this display and immediately I made her my best friend. She started handing me all different types of soles that I could choose from and after making my selection of two styles, I let the party begin. I began choosing my straps. OMG. It was fantastic. But what was REALLY fantastic was the kinda high heeled style I tried on. That's a picture of it, up above. I WAS IN SHEER HEAVEN.

For some reason this particular high heel was A PERFECT HEIGHT FOR ME and immediately I began walking all around the area to make sure I was 1.) plenty steady on my feet and 2.) not dreaming. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I CAN ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE A REAL WOMAN ONCE AGAIN?? ABLE TO WEAR SOMETHING WITH A SORTA SHAPED HEEL?? Oh man... this was a major high for me. Now don't get me wrong.. these casual shoes are far from what a real classy high heel looks like... but regardless, it IS about a 3 inch heel and I COULD walk on them like a pro. IT WAS SIMPLY WONDERFUL. I told the lady I'm never taking them off. And actually... I basically haven't.

In addition to this particular sole, I also got one more style. Much more casual looking in fact, but also about an inch lower, too. Between the two items... my summer shoe shopping is DONE. Wait... YOU want to go shopping, too? Here... Check this out online. You'll love it! Plus you'll get the entire idea way better than I can explain it. Not to mention all the tops you'll get to see in all sorts of categories. All I know is that ever since I made this purchase on Friday at about 1 o'clock, I've worn these shoes all Friday, Saturday and now Sunday. Oh yeah... everyone can't get over how TALL I now am, btw. Always a bonus.

So in a little while I'm off to a concert and need you even ASK what shoe I'm wearing as we speak?? Better you should ask WHAT STRAP? Which I'm happy to show you down below. Of course for tonight... could be a whole different look altogether.

  

LEGS WIDE OPEN

I know. Kind of a weird visual. However thanks to Core Training, I not only have lots more core muscle strength all inside my body, but man... plenty of open leg muscle ability, too. More than I'll probably ever need if you ask me. At least I hope not, but why even go there.

What you see in the picture up above is me at Core Training a couple of weeks ago. We were working with the large Stability Ball. You can't even beLIEVE what sort of exercises can be done with this thing. Case in point: lots of times, we are to lie down on our back... then put the bottom of our feet sorta on top of the stability ball... then raise up off the ground with our ass high in the air... and then with the soles of our feet... ROLL THE BALL UP TOWARDS OUR CHEST. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. You think this is EASY?? OMG. Think again, my friend. Try doing this 30 times is all I can tell you THEN see how f-ing easy it is!! I'm telling you... you'll be swearing up a storm each and every time just like I do. Trust me... rarely do I even make it up to 30.  

In this particular picture however, I'm doing another exercise altogether. In this shot, I'm trying to develop God Only Knows what muscles, and I need to grab the ball between my legs and then lift the ball using my stomach muscles... up and down, up and down from the floor. Can you SEE how far I'm raising it here btw?? THAT TAKES MUSCLES but plenty, I don't mind telling you. I don't know how many inches from the ground I might be in this shot, but I can tell you this. IT HURTS. Thank GOD you can't see the expression on my face while doing this! It SO can't be attractive. And oh yeah.. considering how far I got off the ground the very FIRST time I ever did this...  I'M NOW READY FOR THE OLYMPICS. 

In the meantime, one of the favorite things we do with this ball is major easy. WE SIT ON TOP OF IT. Now that I can handle any day. We get to bounce on it and again... major easy. However to shake things up a bit, all four of us in class sit on a ball, then spread out a bit, get a baby sized ball and then have to pass it overhead to the person on the right and/or left. Sometimes we have to bounce it to the person, other times we don't. Getting all four of us into the same rhythm can be tricky at first, but still... it's pretty easy.

What ISN'T so easy is when we are seated on a bench with the 5-8 pound ball held up above our head, and then bingo. We have to stand up/sit down about 40 times. THIS IS A KILLER let me tell you. Have any clue what this does to you thighs? Have any clue how much you HURT the next day just trying to get up from a toilet?? O. M. G. It's ridiculous. My thighs are like in major pain. Which of course is why I always tell Ansley, the instructor... I NEED TO WALK TOMORROW. DON'T GIVE US ANY HARD STUFF TO DO TODAY, PLEASE.

The best part of the class actually, is when sometimes... as our cool down activity... Ansley actually lets me direct us in some yoga stretching. Now THAT I can handle 1-2-3. In fact, I'm often way more flexible than all the others. I know... surprising, right?? On the other hand... everyone ELSE does all the counting exactly as Ansley instructs. 30 REPS OF THIS. 30 REPS OF THAT. Bingo. Everyone follows the count precisely. ME?? I definitely stop at about 18-20. I feel the pain?? I forget the gain. I like MY way of counting reps much better.      

D. LI. CIOUS.

Whoa. I can't believe what a delicious salad dressing I made yesterday. I simply LOVE it and I am thrilled to no end, believe you me. I made about a quart of it, so yippee. I'm now sure to have plenty on hand.

For years, I have always used my favorite bottled dressings. Well until yesterday that is. I pretty much always used a duo of 1/2 Balsamic Vinaigrette and 1/2 Ranch dressing on my salads. I merely buy a bottle of each at the grocery store and then use a bit of each every night when I eat dinner at home. I just make myself a HUGE bowl of salad for dinner. And I don't mean soup bowl size, either. And then bingo. On go my dressings. In fact when I DO order salad out, I always ask for these same two dressings on the side, as well.

Into my salad bowl always goes diced onions, cherry tomatoes, major amount of garbanzo beans, some feta cheese if I feel like it and lastly... a huge amount of berries. It used to be blueberries, but after years of that, I switched it up a couple of months ago to strawberries, instead. Major delicious.

Then... about three weeks ago... I decided enough of the Ranch already. Which left the vinaigrette which meant: Wait. Forget the bottled guys. Maybe I can make the dressing mySELF since what I REALLY REALLY wanted was a very light Spring like vinaigrette but with LOTS OF LEMON FLAVOR. I don't know what happened to me. One day, out of the blue, I just developed this major hankering for light lemon being splashed all over my salad. And plenty of it, too.

So... the other day I sent Bonnie to the grocery store with a list that included all the things I imagined I'd need for such a home recipe. I sorta made it up in my head and figured I'd give it a whirl. OMG. Don't ask. SO DELICIOUS I can't even stand it.

So... I took out a gigantic mixing bowl and poured in some Garlic Roasted Rice Vinegar and added to that Extra Light Virgin Olive Oil. I wound up using the entire bottle of the Garlic Vinegar, btw. I played around with the ratio until I got just the mix I was after. THEN... I took a bottle of Real Lemon lemon juice ( didn't have fresh lemons given of all things... I FORGOT TO PUT IT ON THE LIST. Duh)  and started pouring it into my vinegar and oil mix until the taste became lighter and lighter which meant it became more and more lemon-y. Oh man... I was on cloud nine, alright.

Then... I went to my spice rack and started adding any spices I thought I would like. I guess Oregano would have been good but instead I used Lemon Pepper and some Garlic Herb Seasoning and bingo. I stirred that right smack into the new fangled experimental dressing bowl. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Turned out it was THE MOST DELICIOUS DRESSING I EVER TASTED. I was nothing short of thrilled!

Add that to my other switch up from a couple months ago... mixed bag of Spinach and Arugula salad... and I am so telling you... I AM IN HEAVEN. Oh yeah... I almost forgot. I even chopped up a nice bit of fresh basil leaves to add to the salad. Seriously... this is just the best combo of everything that I've ever wanted. 

On the other hand... can you imagine dried cranberries, pie nuts, avocado or red grapefruit pieces to add to all this? Yikes. My mouth is watering as we speak. I'm also thinking: adding some Dijon mustard to the dressing can't be bad either. But whatever. It's like salad and dressing fit for a King. Oops. I mean... Queen. I'm totally psyched is all I can say.

So all in all.. I pretty much smell success out there in the world of sales were I to actually bottle this deal for retail. Not to mention the fantastic smell/taste of lemon. Which btw way reminds me... my alltime favorite scent just happens to BE lemon. Well, that and gardenias. Totally beautiful. Totally delicious. Totally Spring like.

ALIVE BUT NOT KICKING

Yippee. I can't believe it. Two days in a row I've actually had the energy to shower. One day in a row I had the energy to put on makeup and look like a human being once again. Finally today... I showered, put on makeup AND lordy lordy... PUT ON SOME CLOTHING. I even love the fact that yesterday I was able to stay up for eight whole hours straight! Man... I never thought that was going to happen again.

Later tonight, I'm going to be BOLD and actually venture out for the first time in almost a week to go to a Board Meeting I need to attend. All I can say is that it better not zap me so much that I'll be depleted for a dinner party I want to be at TOMORROW night. That would piss me off, for sure. What would delight me most however, is if I could find the strength to finally do a load of laundry! I wanted to do it LAST week, but alas I was just too damn sick. So basically for all I know, NOW it's going to be TWO loads I need to get done. Oh man.

In the meantime, I'm not dead, which is always a plus. I've even begun to eat somewhat normal food. On the other hand, the pollen collecting on the deck from the air outside is beginning to make me pretty nervous. You should see the glass table top. It used be clear. Now it's pretty much yellow. Which can only mean the allergens are loading up but plenty outside. I just today opened the doors to the deck for a couple of hours. I'm like starving for fresh air once again, but am being ever so careful. Besides, my lawn was mowed today, so I can only iMAGine what kinds of crap must be in the air NOW. Plus all the bees are buzzing around again, happy as larks given the pollen is providing quite the little feast for them. Jesus. I so hate all this. 

I just can't figure out why THIS year I'm being so affected with allergies compared to all the other years. This is totally nuts is all I can say. And... it's making ME nuts. I sorta thought the coughing spells were behind me but I am not so sure right now. WHEN I'll be back on top of my game, I have no clue. I'm almost wondering if I even feel like playing anymore. Regardless... for now, I'm alive alright. I'm just not kicking back with smiles and pleasure. Instead, I'm into bitching and complaining. Which is pretty much my style anyway... healthy OR sick. 

TOTAL CRAP

I look like crap. I feel like crap. I am crap. Just saying.

Since 4 o'clock last Thursday afternoon, I've been in bed, sleeping at least 18 hours a day. My hair is practically standing up on it's own since I haven't showered in days and when I HAVE eaten, it's basically been junk food. Which is why I've had NO strength at all these past few days. I'm telling you.... I feel like I have the mentality of a 13 year old in the healthy nursing department.

In the meantime, I had to cancel last night's plans. Cancelled them again tonight and already, I called and cancelled tomorrow's plans as well. Being sick all this weekend has put me DAYS behind in things I need to get done and that alone freaks me out. Thank GOD I finally have the energy to bathe this evening. 

Oh yeah... I'm totally craving Matzah Ball soup so maybe I'll have to try to make some tomorrow. OR.... given my 18 hour sleep cycle... maybe I'll now be up all night long in which case I can make it THEN. Everyone else on the planet btw, considers 2 matzah balls in a bowl of chicken broth an appropriate portion. Not me, however. To ME I always consider: 4 matzah balls and very little broth as a perfect portion. Plus the rest of world loves fluffy matzoh balls. But, yep. You got it. I love them heavy. Man... I'm such a pain the ass. Even my own ass.

I would love to use my webcam to show you a picture of what I look like when I'm so sick that I want to shoot myself. However, YOU'D shoot yourself were I to upload a shot. I SO don't look decent. Scarey would be a way better word to describe me.

Anyway... one of these days I'll get back to blogging. Maybe. If I don't wind up blowing my brains out, I guess. Until then... lucky you. You're all feeling jusssst fine. Which is why naturally... I'm totally jealous.