Tuesday, April 30, 2013

BODY STYLE



OMG... I can't believe this... after YEARS of trying to figure out my body type I had an amazing revelation this morning. FINALLY... I can now officially declare that indeed I even HAVE a body type. Sitting down?? I'M BUILT LIKE A SUMO WRESTLER!!! Whoa... now THERE'S a rude awakening, if ever there was!! But seriously...

The more I thought about it, the more it made total sense. First of all, my Mother was of Japanese descent. Second of all, I have a very broad back from shoulder to shoulder. Third of all, my crappy ass belly is WAY bigger and rounder than my ass which unfortunately, is totally flat. Pretty much like God just turned my head around 180 degrees. Fourth of all, like the wrestlers, my sagging breasts are like a nightmare. Fifth of all, I have always been a cubbette. And sixth of all, for most of my adult life, I even wore my hair pulled back into a chignon at the nape of my neck.

BINGO. I'M A FREAKIN' FEMALE SUMO LADY. Oh my Goddddd. Soooo not the kind of news that can be good.

On the other hand, I am completely in love with the entire concept of sumo wrestlers. They simply strike my curiosity from the get go. Can you imagine... you're actually GROOMED TO BE HUGE?? As in: you're deliberately fed to be as fat as you possibly can. Now THAT'S a concept that can be intriguing. Talk about having my name written all over it. Plus, get this... the wrestlers love naps! Now if that isn't me, what IS? In fact, the wrestlers take one after their largest meal just to be SURE they pack on the pounds!

Supposedly sumo wrestling is a "sport" although I'd almost have to say that to align this to a sport would be kinda like saying synchronized swimming is a sport, which I don't care what anyone says... it's not. It's more like fun in the pool, if you ask me. But whatever. Anyway, the REAL meal these wrestlers have eat to stay so "in shape" shall we say, is beef stew with plenty of veggies... which I just have to say... I love TOO! Here... you can learn alot more about the life of a sumo wrestler by clicking on THIS. I love the fact, btw, that all wrestlers live in "stables". I know... crazy, right?

Sumo wrestling began as entertainment for the Shinto Gods, also known as Kami. And oh man, would I ever love to be entertained, alright by actually seeing a match up close and personal. If my Mother were alive, I'd almost have to ask her to please call her relatives and find out if any happen to be wrestlers. That would SO put me over the moon. For now however...

Here I am on Earth, pretty happy that I finally have a defined body type. I'm not lean nor thin. I don't have the Apple or Pear Shape body but instead... I have A SUMO BODY. Believe me... that's way beyond Specialty Sizing in Nordstrom's or Lord & Taylor's. What bright idea will pop into my head tomorrow, I have no clue. I'm just glad that today, I discovered my body lookalike. And of course pray that should I ever reTURN to this world yet again.... I'll then have the shape of a supermodel. If only.  

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