Saturday, August 4, 2012


First of all, this is possibly my alltime favorite song by Cher. OMG... the outfit she wears in this video is major drop dead sexy. Especially given the fact that the video was made in what?? The late '80s?? Oh man.. was she ever hot. Let alone way ahead of her time. Forget the fabulous song.

The hot,edgy bathing suit is simply to die for. The tattoos on her ass are amazing. Those legs!! The fishnet stockings! The hip chain! THE GARTERS. Plus, you can be sure she's SO got the Brazilian wax going on all over the place. 

And let's not forget the fact that... THE SAILORS IN THE VIDEO ARE BUT MINUTES AWAY FROM NEEDING A PRIVATE MOMENT OF PLEASURE, if you catch my drift. All I can tell you is after watching this, even I may want to consider switching teams. Here... watch for yourself. You can thank me later.

Bear in mind... when this video was originally shown on MTV... they could only air it after 9:00 pm. Way racey for it's day. And WAY up my alley. 

In the meantime, Cher goes on the battleship USS MISSOURI to turn back time. Me?? I go to Dr. Harley. Afterwards I can then go do the battleship gig. Well, okay. That's a bit of a stretch, but get this. I, too, will be turning back time. Like 15 years, maybe? Time shall only tell, although I'll be happy with just ten.

So... what's Dr. Harley's trick?? Easy. THE BILTMORE FACELIFT. Yeah. That's the ticket!! Oh man... I have such high hopes for this deal. Not to mention high fears as well, but what the hell. I was no great beauty to begin with, so if he screws it all up I'll just be less of a not so great beauty. Although I'll have to do him in if I wind up looking really crappy.

But I don't think I will. Turns out I've seen a few of his patients walking around town lately and I have to say... THEY LOOK GREAT. Man, I hope I do, too. And, I should.

First of all, I have to have 30 milligrams of Valium during the surgery. Then I have to sleep sitting upright in my recliner for two weeks. Then I have to be all friggin' bruised and swollen for a few weeks. Plus, I have to keep putting ice packs all over my face for God knows how long. And, of course lastly, I have to pray that the surgery actually takes. DEAR GOD, PLEASE MAKE SURE DR. HARLEY KNOWS WHAT THE F&%$ HE'S DOING AND PLEASE LET ME HEAL PERFECTLY. AMEN.

So while Dr. Harley would have work on me for months and months to turn me into a Cher lookalike, I'm willing instead, to give him three hours to help turn back my facial time clock. Just so long as my neck and chin and eyes are improved... bingo. I'll be headed back to my 50's in no time. Gulp: here goes nothing.