Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Six weeks ago, for the first time in 30 years, I made an appointment for a professional pedicure. I had to. After all these years, I just had to face the music and realize... eeeks. I can no longer bend over as easily as I used to, to work on my toes. Which you see up there in the picture. NEWS ALERT: if ever you see these tootsies sticking out from a body bag, boom. You'll know it's me. Or... WAS me. Anyway...

I broke down and finally let a professional do the pedicure instead of myself. Which is too bad since I normally love doing my feet here at home, about 10:00 at night, naturally wearing my favorite nightgown and sipping on diet coke. It's a whole big production too, because I use only professional tools, let my feet soak in lovely hot water and have a slew of under coats, over coats and nail colors all lined up, ready to go. All in all, I have basically every item known to man to help give myself one hell of a fantastic pedicure.

Eventually however... not only did I begin needing my special glasses so I could actually SEE my toes, but I also realized... this bending over for an hour bit, is going to basically break my back almost any day now. Whoa. Am I ever aging, but fast. And, to complicate matters, I am VERY particular about my feet. I like them to look absolutely spiffy 24/7. It's a fetish I have and I proudly own up to it.

So... given this new realization, bingo. I called Golden Nails, made an appointment with Kelly and yippee, I was on my way. In fact, Claudia and I made back to back appointments, so I had excellent entertainment during the appointment as well. So much so that we made NEW appointments for six weeks later. Man, I was in heaven.

Until that is... I realized my new appointment came and went! OOPS. One thing I know is that hand and feet operators do NOT like people who screw up appointment times! Besides, I couldn't beLIEVE I forgot I even had one! Especially since I'd been counting down the days until my feet would be treated to such luxury all over again. Yet sure enough, my brain was fried and the entire deal went completely out of my mind.

Until the next day, that is. I looked at my calendar and thought WHAT?? I MISSED MY PEDICURE?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WHAT WAS I THINKING?? OH MAN... I SO HATE THIS. Where upon I immediately picked up the phone and began calling the salon, ready to apologize, ready to probably be yelled at, and then hopefully be ready to make a brand new appointment. Which would have worked well, if only someone would have picked up the freakin' phone!!!

How many times you think I called this place anyhow??? THINK: HUNDREDS. Over and over. Days and days. And STILL no one ever answered the phone. Which is when I decided.... EEKS. I've been blacklisted. Here's my take: they saw my name on caller ID, remembered I was the one who screwed things up and then made up their minds they'd never let me come into the establishment ever again! Thus... why bother answering the phone if the bitch ever calls back??

Trust me... I was just shy of being major intimidated. So much so that you won't believe what I did next. I was like on my 7th day of calling the place and still getting no answer. Bingo. I decided it was time to actually drive over and see just what the hell is going on there. In fact, I even brought some gift left over from the holidays... a canister of cookies... figuring if I had to bribe the people into forgiveness, yippee, I'd be all prepared. So... I get to the place, walking closer and closer to the front door and sure enough. There's a sign telling me: SORRY. CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS. Come back on the 17th!!!

WHAT?? YOU DON'T EVEN TELL YOUR CUSTOMERS YOU'RE CLOSING DOWN?? IT WASN'T ME WHO FORGOT, AFTERALL? IT WAS YOU WHO JUST SHUT DOWN THE SHOP WILLY NILLY??? AFTER ALL THAT, I'M NOT REALLY BLACKLISTED??? Don't ask. I freaked. And, totally amazed that I wasn't given ANY heads' up whatsoever about this closing. Geez. Way to feel like a total idiot. Nice way of doing business don't you think? 

Plus, when I finally DID call the place today, the receptionist had this rather cavalier attitude... Oh yeah. Sorry. We were closed. Chuckle. Chuckle. Now we're open. I of course felt like saying: Yeah. Well now you suck. But believe me... I needed the appointment way more than he needed a customer. Thus I held my tongue. 

So, in the end  I guess alls well that ends well. As in: next Monday at 2:30 I have an appointment. That's the first bit of good news. The second is: I now have not only a scheduled pedicure, but also... an unopened excellent canister of delicious cookies to enjoy. Talk about win win.