Tuesday, January 17, 2012


So last night, I watched the Golden Globe Awards. For the first time in many years, I might add. Oscars?? Always! Golden Globes? Never!

However, I do have to say I found it quite entertaining. I even loved Ricky Gervais' little comical quips. I also loved looking at all the fashions, which to me was the highlight of it all. Were I only 23 years old, absolutely stick thin and had then been discovered by some incredible fancy ass agent, I'd have had myself signed up as a covergirl supermodel in a heartbeat. I know... quite a few IFs going on there, but what the hell. Why not dream big.

I love looking at magnificent women, particularly when they are wearing magnificent dresses. I boiled the dresses from last night down to about four. Laura Dern's dress was stunning. Not as stunning however as Angelina Jolie's. Whose dress was not as stunning as Nicole Kidman's, though. Whose dress in turn, was not as stunning as Jane Fonda's. Although believe me... they were ALL extremely beautiful. If I had to choose the top two though... I guess I'd go with: Jane first, Nicole second. Oh yeah... and btw... I do believe that Nicole Kidman is perhaps the most gorgeous woman on the planet, but who's counting.

I do have a bone to pick with her however. And with Laura. Bone being the key word. WTF IS WITH THE AUSCHWITZ LOOKALIKE CONTEST?? I am serious... SOOOO DAMN THIN, IT'S SCARY. And, I'm not talking sour grapes here, either. I'm simply talking HEALTHY looking. Man... I have never SEEN such thin women in my entire life. I am astounded that no one loves them enough to say: JESUS. EAT! ALOT, TOO! YOU LOOK FREAKIN' EMACIATED!!

I swear... when these two came on stage I thought to myself... EEEKS. IT'S CONCENTRATION CAMP MEETS DESIGNER CLOTHING!! Honestly... I was bordering on: offended. No WONDER. I myself am a double digit in garment sizes. These woman are wearing like MINUS ZEROs. Actually, it's no laughing matter. I'm old, so who gives a damn what I look like. But for teens and young ladies?? IT'S COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC... let alone unfair. I mean... exactly what diet could you possibly go on that would promise you such a figure??? Oh wait. I know... it's called the STARVATION DIET. Eat as much of NOTHING that you can possibly eat. Man... water?? WOW. YEA. TALK ABOUT SPLURGING!

And, BTW... I don't buy that exercise can bring you to this totally unacceptable look. Not unless it's a 24/7 pastime AND mixed up with a dedicated no eating ever, policy. Granted, the really chubby lady who was in Bridemaids is taking things to the other extreme but at least SHE looks as if she could survive a day or two out in the wilderness. These Hollywood women on the other hand?? Man... they better become carbohydrate friendly immediately.

So basically I'm thinking: devoted purging is what is creating Laura and Nicole's stick thin figure. Believe me... had they had no breast implants to help round out the look, we'd be seeing sunken pancakes on top for SURE. I can assure you... healthy eating and a bit of SPANX is not responsible for tricking the eye into these imaginary feminine figures.

Bottom line: I frankly find it disgraceful to proudly tout such bodies in public. Yes, the dresses are absolutely magnificent... but to think that its okay for the female body to emulate women in concentration camps is absolutely deplorable. What could these women be THINKING? Even Marilyn Monroe was said to be a size 12. And she had SOME figure, believe you me.

So there you have it... my Golden Globes fashion critique. Just wait until the Academy Awards come around. I pray these woman actually become CHUBBY by then. Which of course, will help me to feel right smack at home.