DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

Now THIS is a diamond ring. OH. MY. GOD. Can you even IMAGINE?? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. This ring is totally not for the faint of heart but as my Mother used to say: There has yet to be a diamond mined that could ever be too big to wear. I dare say Elizabeth Taylor whole heartedly agreed. 

Which brings us to the quiz for the day: Any of these names sound familiar... Harry Winston? Tiffany? Cartier? If you're a woman, then these jewelry company names should totally be on the tip of your tongue at the drop of a hat. For these companies make it their huge business to supply those with wealth, some of THE most outstanding jewels in the world. Often those with MAJOR wealth. Of which there must be plenty because business is booming. 

In that vein... according to Marilyn Monroe, diamonds are a girl's best friend. But according to De Beers, a diamond mining company since 1888, "a diamond is forever". Both thoughts are actually pretty true and to drive home the point, all three of the jewelers listed above, along with HORDES of others, create their diamond designs, often including rubies and emeralds and sapphires and pearls and gold. A home run no matter which the combo.

In my 20s btw, I was totally into all the De Beers campaign ads... I was like their target audience. The ad always included some sort of text whose content always spoke to a kind of poetic love. I adored the simplicity of their ads back then... a full page with some sort of excellent photo... and then naturally, at the bottom of the page was the tagline" A Diamond is Forever". Today's ads from De Beers is often the same idea but in my opinion, far edgier and in many ways, alot more creative. Case in point:

Kinda catchy, right? Which got me to surfing the net recently, searching out stunning diamond jewelry. Alot from Cartier, in particular. Diamonds and gold are my favorite go to pieces btw and while my Mother and/or Elizabeth could afford the real deal, I myself have taken to the love of a top of the line faux jewel. Well okay. Even middle of the line, too. Oh man... I can't even TELL you what stunners you can find in faux settings and/or designs. And, like my mother, nothing can ever be too big for me. Of course in Mom's case, she's thinking something like 8 to 10 real, perfect cut carats. In MY case I'm thinking ten times that amount.

For instance... just get a load of THIS necklace I bought recently. HOLY BA HOLY. 250 CARATS IS MY GUESS!!! Maybe the largest diamond in the entire universe for all I know. SOOOOO fantastic is all I can say. All in a single solitaire setting!

Talk about a statement piece, right? I wanted to wear it to a birthday dinner party at a friend's home last night but even I knew that I had to restrain myself and wait for a dressier occasion. Like tonight actually, when I hosted a little dinner get together at the country club. I was totally thrilled! 

I know... I was probably like one of those old ladies you see where you just have to look at her and say REALLY? IS SHE OUT OF HER MIND? SHE'S ALL DOLLED UP AS IF SHE'S HEADED ON OVER TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE?? SERIOUSLY? But I didn't care. I loved wearing my necklace, regardless. Besides... I ran into Tony, a guy I know, who commented on what he claimed must be the Hope Diamond around my neck. Shows what he knows however, given mine is WAY bigger.

Of course NOTHING is like the Crown Jewels of England. Or Russia, even. Boy do those Royals know how to wear diamonds, alright! Their necklaces, tiaras, bracelets and earrings are worth zillions. And... their rubies and emeralds? OMG. Don't even ask. Cartier has been creating designs for Royalty for ever and I shudder to imagine what their insurance policy costs must be! 

Which reminds me... my Mother had a major sized 6 to 8 carat diamond solitaire I think, and the cost was way too pricey for being insured, so she basically told the jeweler: tell you what. Make up a faux ring just like this to match the real one and that's what I'll wear more often so when I'm robbed it won't be such a big deal, afterall. Hoping of course the thieves don't do her in, in the process. Now that I think about it though, I sort of seem to remember the real one eventually being stolen afterall, but no need to get bogged down with details. Anyway...


For your viewing pleasure, take a look at some of these outstanding creations down below from Cartier. SO beautiful. Turns out I spent a simply delightful couple of hours one afternoon staring at a whole bunch of stunning jewels, and I think these could be the winners of the day. BTW... if you don't know right off the bat for whom Cartier designed the Flamingo Pin then you totally need to brush up on your world famous jewelry information. Just saying.

DON'T BE A DCK

I am far from having a problem with vanity license plates. I actually sort of have one myself. I told the lady what I wanted mine to say and boom. It's been on my cars for the past 10 years. But lately? I swear to God... I can't believe what I've been seeing around town lately. In fact the first time I saw it, I was shocked. 

So shocked actually that although I was driving, I had to whip out my camera immediately, regardless of being in traffic. Bingo. I caught a shot of it. You can see it there, up above. Seriously?? THAT'S a license plate nowadays?? OMG. What's the world coming to, anyway?? Hell. Why not just have a plate that says FCK U. Which believe me... if I could... I so would consider it.

In the meantime, as soon as I got home and settled, I came to the computer and began searching this DCK deal on the internet. I had to. I just couldn't fathom such a plate being an option. I first began with North Carolina since I couldn't imagine in a million years it was possible the state DMV was issuing this. However no such luck in finding it on their site. Nor could I really find it on any other site although Google did get me to some crazy ass locations. 

But nothing pertaining to what I was looking for. I truly wanted info all about this DCK bit. I did come across a Texas license plate however that was rejected 1-2-3. Gee. I wonder why. Get a load of this:

Totally makes me laugh right smack out loud! I also came across some t shirt site that told me these letters stand for DRINKING CAN KILL but I am pretty iffy on that one. Believe me... I am the first one in line to get behind the concept of Don't Drink and Drive but man. This takes things to a whole new level. The BEST laugh I had while on the t shirt site btw, was this one. It SO wins the prize, hands down.

Can you imagine?? I would go nuts with laughter were I ever to walk down the street and see some guy wearing this! It would give me reason in a flash, to stop and have a whole conversation with him, for sure. Anyway...


Okay. So maybe this one license plate was a fluke. But THEN... lo and behold... in the next couple of weeks, I came across two others, also roaming the streets. Again, I had to grab a pict. The shots of those are down below. Which kinda makes me feel maybe my DMV IS in fact selling these plates afterall. 

Really? Am I the only one in the city stunned at this? Wow. I'm just sort of taken aback, but okay. If that's the way of the world right now, then who am I to cause a stir. Besides... if the world today is in a delirious spin over Kim K.'s ass, then I guess it can handle DCK pretty damn easily.

STYLIN' 2015

Well.... it happened once again. I was asked to be a model in an annual luncheon and fashion show and while each year I sorta decide not to do it again, boom. I said okay for yet another time. As in: today. And, as per usual, I actually had a pretty good time modeling the fashions. Besides... this year the clothing came from Chico's so the trending styles were in fact quite decent, if I say so myself.

I remember each summer when I'd come here to visit my Mother, and she and I always went to this luncheon together. Thus I am just so sorry she couldn't have been here for the past eight years to see me modeling. She would have totally been beside herself with sheer delight. Besides... the fashions from today's show are way better than those of when she was still around.  

Last week I had to meet up with the 5 other models at Chico's so each of us could select the outfits we wanted to wear. Well wait. I mean what the salesladies wanted us to wear. Granted I played a big part in nixing some of the items chosen for me but whatever. Regardless... I very seldom shop in Chico's so I was willing to go with the flow. In the meantime, if you think for one minute that putting together a complete look for 3 separate outfits is easy, uh... think again. Man. I must have been there almost three hours. Talk about feeling spent.

I had to gather 3 different looks. One casual. One dressy. One sort of easy-chic. Everything from clothing, tanks, jewelry, whatever. The dressy one was maybe my favorite but I do have to say... the casual chic scarf hemmed skirt was an excellent look on me and I definitely bought it. Besides, everything was 40% off. Oh yeah. I also bought a wonderful big, bold, white ring that I wore with the outfit up above. Which reminds me:

The shot up above is pretty crappy, but it gives you the idea of what my casual outfit looked like. The picture was taken just seconds before I was to walk out amongst all the ladies sitting at their dining tables, to model the clothes. Which in turn is supposed to make them want to run right smack out to Chico's to spend hordes of money on everything they saw. This is my favorite part of the fashion show btw, because it's definitely so much fun walking out from the make shift dressing room, talking to everyone while they're oohing and ahhing over how excellent you look. Even if you don't. 

Although I will say... that wasn't a problem for me given I did look somewhat decent thus I believed them all. On the other hand... I knew everyone there... 120 ladies I'd say... so it was like being with a whole bunch of friends. Sorta like being in your house with lots of girlfriends over and quickly saying: OH WAIT. I HAVE TO SHOW YOU WHAT I BOUGHT TODAY! LET ME GO GRAB IT FOR YOU. So bottom line: I had a wonderful time. As did the other models, too, and trust me... they looked fabulous.

Whether or not I am asked next year to again be a part of the modeling, I don't know. I do know however that they asked me back this year because according to the chairwoman, who told me at a recent BBQ, they think I dress with fantastic taste great styling. Shows what they know, btw. You should only SEE me as we speak, wearing the crappiest dress ever in which to hang around the house. Were someone to ring my doorbell right now, I'd so be humiliated. The dress doesn't even have sleeves and I'd NEVER in a million years go out in public with a sleeveless top or dress. Oh yeah...


In closing let me just say that down below is another shot of me from today. Naturally, getting my food from the buffet. You can even see the steam rising from the absolutely DELICIOUS rice I had on my plate with some even better cream sauce upon it. I'd kill to be eating this right now, in fact. In the meantime, the photographer wanted a pict of me so I obliged. But what I really love about this shot is the fact you can see my slitted long skirt. One which I MADE I might add. I soooo love this skirt. Actually... it has two slits. One in front of each thigh. I know. I think I'm still 35. If only.

"I KNOW IT'S LATE"...

This was the subject/title of an email I got two weeks ago. It was an intro for an invitation that was extended to me and several other couples and I am sure the other people probably looked at these words and thought: Oh. How nice. A last minute party! 

I on the other hand took one look at these words and immediately my heart started to pound. Partly from precious memories of astounding passion and partly from just the sheer beauty of the song itself. It was like all of a sudden the world stopped for one brief moment as zillions of thoughts came flooding right smack back into my head.

For several reasons, Bob Seger's WE'VE GOT TONIGHT, almost more than any other song in history, holds very deep emotions for me. Right from the very first lyrics... I KNOW IT'S LATE. The reason the invitation began as it did btw, was because it came like on a Thursday let's say and the dinner party was maybe about 4 days later. Normally not a whole long lead time for everyone's schedule planning. Regardless... I was indeed thrilled to be invited but as I said... even more important was the fact these opening words alone, held so much weight.

Turns out about 20 years ago I guess, I enjoyed THE most romantic night I ever had in my entire life. Well almost, anyway. And I do have to say much of it was due to this song... We've Got Tonight. It had already been amongst my alltime favorite tunes but man. THAT night? The tune became sort of historic for me. For both of us, actually. In the meantime... no need for me to go into particulars here, but I will say this... to this day, Bob's entire album of Greatest Hits created one hell of an extraordinary change in the Land of Linda. Hence the reason a zillion memories popped into my head.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kenny and Sheena did a great job in covering this song but make no mistake: nothing is like hearing Bob sing it. Besides... can you believe the lyrics?? I mean seriously... DEEP IN MY SOUL... I'VE BEEN SO LONELY. ALL OF MY HOPES FADING AWAY. I'VE LONGED FOR LOVE LIKE, EVERYONE ELSE DOES... I KNOW I'LL KEEP SEARCHING EVEN AFTER TODAY. WE'VE GOT TONIGHT. WHO NEEDS TOMORROW? WE'VE GOT TONIGHT BABE... WHY DON'T YOU STAY. Who the hell even THINKS of these lyrics? Besides... the quiet, rolling rhythm of this melody? Lordy. It's just soooo beautiful. So naturally...

As soon as I closed out the email I went straight to YouTube to listen to the song all over again. I can't even remember the last time I heard it so it was like a major treat. I began with Bob Seger, which by the way was fantastic when hearing the entire arena singing right along with him. Like who doesn't know every word to this entire song, anyway? Then I moved right smack into Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton and then into Kenny and Dolly Parton. THEN... I moved right into anyone ELSE who covered this song and bingo. Man. I was in total We've Got Tonight Heaven.

In the meantime, if you want a perfectly fabulous treat, check this out on YouTube: CLICK AWAY. I dare you not to sing along with it since according to the Linda School of Music, it basically can't be done. You hear the song. Whammo. You have to sing. Thank you Bob Seger, who is now 69 btw, for being the background to some astounding memories for me, many of which continued for yet another 20 years. 

Oh yeah... point of information: lest any of you imagine that Bob was Pete's son... boom. You'd totally be wrong. Just saying.

MY SUMMER SO FAR

I do have to admit... each year I look forward to summer with total dread. First of all, day light savings time downright sucks. Who the hell wants to see sun until 8:45 p.m. anyway?? Besides, that just means the heat of the day lingers on and on and on. And on. Which brings me to my second reason for hating summer... it's just too damn hot. Plain and simple. Seriously... 90+ degree weather is maybe the worst condition for outdoor enjoyment of which I can possibly think. Even for the beach since you burn to a crisp. Sunscreens or no sunscreens. 

Yet I also have to admit... given the dread I feel for 12 weeks each year, THIS summer has been pretty much doable so far. Much better than I would have imagined. Of course I do no errands whatsoever until about 6:00 each evening, but who's counting. I also try not to leave my house before noon and I totally try to be sure I'm home by no later than 3:00. Which basically means that so far, summer has been better than I expected.

One of the things I have loved doing this summer is laying out on my deck at about 7:00 let's say, after the sun has moved over to the other side of my house and thus I get to enjoy the fantastic breezes we've had during the early evenings. It is soooo peaceful and a perfect setting for entertaining. 

I also love looking at my beautiful planters, filled with such great summer flowers. I myself can't take any credit for them btw, since for the first time ever, I had them professionally planted. Talk about easy! I've also been doing alot of socializing with friends for dinners out, plays, movies, etc. so naturally... that's right up my alley. 

Biggest news of all, however is the fact that lo and behold I've even been indulging in downing some of the best cocktail drinks ever... which is way out of my ordinary box. Man. Mixing all sorts of liquid goodies with Vodka turns out to be a most delicious drink, indeed. Nice and icy daiquiris are another favorite. So bottom line: I'm totally loving becoming a part time lush.

Anyway, I still have about 8 more weeks of full on summer and I pray to God the temps stay pretty much where they are now... in the low to mid 80s. Granted... we've had some high 80s but I totally don't have to deal with that since for SURE I'll be inside with the A.C. blaring. It's about this time btw, that I usually begin ticking off each week, knowing that by this time next week for instance, I'll have only about 7 more weeks before autumn is ready to kick in. You have no idea how much pleasure this thought gives me.


In the meantime... in the interest of documentation... I've decided to show some of my favorite summer picts to kind of show you how the past few weeks have gone for me. Thus in no particular order, down below are some of the snapshots. Take a gander and you'll then get a sort of glimpse into the Land of Linda enduring her most hated season. 

Oh yeah...the 4th of July fireworks are needless to say, definitely the highlight of each summer. Well that and hotdogs. In fact there was one weekend where I was invited to 3 different occasions, all of which served hotdogs and beans! Talk about striking culinary gold. Soooooo delicious. Mix that up with corn on the cob... also my favorite... and bingo. I'm in definite heaven. 

So basically... by now I only have only half a summer yet to go and then the REAL heaven begins. Autumn! I so can't wait. On the other hand, if summer continues they way it has, I think I just may make it through with flying colors afterall. 

An excellent cocktail!

Yippee! Day lilies in my front yard garden!

Major relaxation in my favorite lounge chair.

Stunning scene while dining at the country club!

How much do I love having wine named after me!!

Ahhh. A wonderful gift of exquisite double sided orchids!

LOVE my planters!

Uh... erotica in the clouds??? Eeeks.

An orange moon. Breathtaking!

MAMIE

Man... if ever I had to choose which First Lady was my favorite I can promise you Mamie Eisenhower would NEVER be anywhere near the top of the list. True... she was soooo 50s but still... what the fuck was with those BANGS?? I mean. Come on. Had she no mirror?? Ike never said: uh... about those bangs? LOSE 'EM! On the other hand, I do have to admit that as we speak I am listening to my Kindle, hearing a pretty good biography of none other than: Mamie herself.

Why on earth I would ever READ such a book about this First Lady is nuts. But... truth be told it's because I do have to admit she had pretty interesting takes on being a lady. My FAVORITE take is a quote that I read recently and it knocked my socks off.

“Mamie believed that once a woman reached the age of 50, she was entitled to stay in bed until noon.” 

OMG. I could totally be this woman's best friend. In spite of the fact that to me, she was nothing to ever write home about in the least. Once I heard this quote however, I did a complete 180 degree turn in my interest in this woman. All of a sudden I thought to myself: time out. I SO have to learn more about this nothing more than ordinary woman and hence the download of her biography onto my Kindle. Come to find out: while she's no Eleanor Roosevelt or Jackie Kennedy, she did in fact fit into her times pretty damn well. Besides... I'm totally intrigued with her love of the color pink. But I'll get to that later.

Let's first get back to the issue of her belief system regarding staying in bed until noon. You have no idea how wholeheartedly I have to ditto that dictate. And frankly, I'm adopting that concept the best I possibly can, especially in these heated months of summer. Afterall... what the hell does one after 50 even need to DO before noon other than eat breakfast? For the past year, I've even decided that any appointments I have to make are never to be made before 11:30 a.m. In fact... 1:30 p.m. is even better. Any time after that btw, simply cuts into my daily nap time but whatever. All I can say is: what a great credo Mamie came up with. Thank you Mamie for your oh so wise words of wisdom! Which by the way, could very well be her only wisdom throughout her lifetime. Anyway...

There are a couple of other things that intrigue me about her. Case in point: Mamie's adoration of the color pink, as I mentioned above. Turns out everyone of the bedrooms she and Ike ever lived in was decorated in almost the exact same way... with green moss walls and pink decor. Especially her bed linens. In their Gettysburg home even her bathroom fixtures were all pink which is kinda funny given that when my parents built their first home in the early 50s not only was their bathroom in some sort of decorating magazine but get this: their entire bath room was pink and black! To this day I still can see the black and pink tiling of their shower. There must have been a tub, probably pink, too, but I can't picture it in my head anymore... I'll have to ask my sister about that I guess. Bottom line:

Indeed while First Lady, Mamie was well known for loving pink. In fact, her inaugural gown was... naturally... pink with 2000 rhinestones on it. Long pink gloves, pink beaded Judith Leiber clutch purse for which I have to give her points. And guess what? My Mother too, had a stunning beaded pink cocktail dress and the most beautiful pink beaded pocket book you ever saw. Talk about Mom being completely in the style of the 50s. Oh yeah... need I even tell you that every fancy dress I ever wore as a little girl was pink?? To this day, were there never any men in my life, I could so have done my bedroom decor in white and pale pink. Maybe I'll do that for my 75th birthday as a present to myself, men or no men.

Another thing that impresses me about Mamie is that while she came from pretty fancy schmancy beginnings, when she married President Eisenhower she knew right off the bat she'd have to bring her style of living waaaay down. Goodbye high life. Hello army life. And let me just tell you... it was not easy in the least. Were it me... I'd have left the hubby 1-2-3, I think. Seriously. If they moved 21 times, they moved 121 times... to all sorts of Army posts in and out of the country. Of course the big pay off was when they finally moved into the home of all homes... the White House but who's counting. And by the way... who the hell KNEW that after WWII Ike was immediately asked to become President of Columbia University in New York. Which he accepted but he had to give up to uh... become President of a much larger group of people: The United States of America.

And in case anyone is interested in genealogy here's a tip for you. Mamie's son John, had a kid named David who then fell in love with Julie, whose father was none other than the ever popular Richard Nixon. Too bad Julie lost major points in my book, bringing her down to a minus zero since she defended her father to the nth degree during the Watergate crisis. Really Julie? Even I saw right off the bat that your Dad was a lying, conniving, good for nothing lousy anti-semitic prick. But moving on...


I do have to say I've enjoyed learning all about Mamie and Ike and if nothing else, Mamie was a devoted wife and mother. Her signature bangs however are STILL a sad story as far as fashion goes. Who in their right mind curls bangs all the way up to the hairline?? Even her own mother asked: Huh? What the hell?? No wonder the world went crazy over Jackie O. as the next First Lady. Which reminds me... how long you think it took Jackie to switch up all of Mamie's pink bedroom designs? Think: seconds! 

GUESS WHO GOT WHAT

Well the who is easy. ME! The what is even easier. A NEW CAR! Yippee. I'm totally thrilled, too.

I began thinking about a new car several months ago. It was kinda like when you begin thinking about giving the guy you're with the ole heave ho. It may not be the exact right moment at first thought, but eventually you know things are sort of pointing in that direction. That's how I felt about looking for a new car. I wasn't quite ready five months ago, but bingo. 

Once the thought was implanted in my mind... boom. The idea of giving my old car the boot became stronger and stronger. Next thing you know it's four months later and time to get really serious about figuring out which car I wanted as a replacement. No easy feat, I might add.

Plus... come to find out, new cars are really expensive! OMG. Talk about sticker shock. In addition... it took me at least a month and a half to bond with the fact that full sized sedans are no longer even an option anymore. HUH?? WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE NEW SMALLER CARS WITH EVEN SMALLER INTERIORS? Not to mention, so much shorter in height. Like where the hell was I when all these new small designs came onto the market. Especially supposedly full size luxury automobiles. NOWadays full size apparently means: way tinier interiors unless of course you REALLY want to lay out major bucks and hook up with a $70,000 car or something. Which basically means...

The days of my being able to afford a pretend luxury car is way over. Which naturally then sent my search into a whole new direction. Even some pre-owned cars were priced out of my league. Therefore I began looking at, test driving, etc. several different makes/models. Not only that... I had to also become feature friendly given you kinda have to now practically have a pilot's license to figure out the display panel. Oh man. Don't even get me started on the keyless entry bit, btw. Soooo crazy.

In the meantime, while I had some time to kill before an appointment with one salesman, I decided to mozie on in to the Toyota dealer and next thing you know I test drove a brand new Avalon and within the hour, good bye other dealership, hello new one. It took several hours to negotiate the price I wanted, the trade-in I wanted, etc. etc. and by 5:00 that afternoon whammo. I drove away in a beautiful, totally spacious, comfortable brand new car. Hal-le-lu-jah! Of course the fact I settled on a silver car with black interior, still now, absolutely floors me since ordinarily I would NEVER have made that choice. But whatever. I'll live on the edge.

Besides, when I kick the bucket altogether I bet my kid will give a thumbs up to this color choice. Oh yeah... no time was needed btw to negotiate any sort of features to include since this car is pretty much fully loaded and thus has just about anything you'd ever want. Well... other than an ejection seat, maybe.

Which reminds me: navigating your way through all those features?? Don't even ASK. My first clue that things were going to be a challenge was when, five seconds into driving off the lot with my new purchase, BOOM. A HUGE voice came out of nowhere alerting me I had new email and wanted to know if I wanted to ignore it or read it. Are you kidding me?? Since when does THAT sort of alert ever occur? My car can now speak to me about my email?? Talk about hearing voices in my head! Geez. Just what I need.

Anyway... care to guess how many times I've been BACK to the dealer to have them answer my 425 questions regarding all the fancy schmancy features? Let's put it this way: I've owned the car for five days. Hence I've been back to the salesman five times. See a pattern here? All I can say is thankfully by now I've pretty much got a handle on what does what. 

Oh yeah... the best part was that I drove away with my new car four days before I even paid for it. Now THAT'S service, alright. Turns out I bought it on a Thursday, told them I'd have to get monies into my bank account which could take about three days since there was a weekend coming up. Hey... no problem they said and kindly told me: Not to worry. Here. Take the car. It's yours to keep. And we'll just deposit your check in five days, on Tuesday. UH... REALLY?? WELL... UH. OKAY. GEE. THANKS! By the way... I highly recommend your doing business at this place.

Anyway the bottom line is that I've just gotten what could possibly wind up being my very last car for ever. Well, maybe not. But I'll tell you this. Whenever I DO buy my next car, I'm pretty sure it'll have to be a Toyota truck given I'll be way close to 80 years old and I have NO idea what kind of driver I'll be by then. Meaning: in 10-12 years I totally had better have as much protection surrounding me as possible.

NINE YEARS AND COUNTING

Man... how time flies when having fun. Or... when you have a nine year anniversary, which btw I'm having on the 14th of this month. For it was on June 14, 2006 that I published my very first blog entry and lo and behold... here I am, after all this time, still posting bullshit about whatever may be going on in my life. Which is pretty ironic given there is absolutely nothing about my life that would make anyone else on earth give a damn about what I do or what I have to say on any topic whatsoever. Yet... believe it or not... I have quite a little following. From around the world, too. Who the hell KNEW?? I know. Pretty scary, right? In fact... in the past month... I've had 17 page views from China! Seriously?? Like is some Chinese guy actually interested in my garbage or instead... is someone from the Chinese higher ups just plain out to get me?? EEEKS.

I also have followers in several European countries although I do have to admit my biggest following is from right here in the United States which I always guessed was my main target audience, anyway. But hey... if someone wants to make me famous world wide who am I to dissuade them?? My favorite audience location btw, is in the United Arab Emirates, which is where Dubai is located and trust me... I'd LOVE to visit that country, so rich in opulence. Better yet... I'd love to visit the palace of the reader he/she lives in but I have no way of knowing exactly who that reader may be. Damnit. For THAT could be a friendship I may indeed want to embrace. Can you imagine??

In the meantime I totally admit I get a pretty happy spark from of all my readers' emails, not to mention the fun I have while writing my posts. Once in a while I'll sit down here at the computer, go through many of the posts, and get a major chuckle while reading all the postings. Several make me laugh right smack out loud. Some I have no memory of writing in the first place. 

My favorite thing to see however, is how many typographical and/or grammatical errors I have written. Which is so strange given I really do try to polish the posting before it's published. I have a real sequence I follow before I ever publish anything too, including a three time read through to 1.) be sure it all makes sense and 2.) it's written correctly. Thus to actually MISS a mistake all three times hardly speaks well for me, but whatever. Anyway...

I have two announcements to make.

The first one is: OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I am now going white!! As in: goodbye blonde! Hello old lady. I made this decision about two weeks ago and yes the time has finally come. I will not be coloring my hair for quite a while until I see what my natural hair color looks like! I can not even IMAGINE what will be but if it turns out to be a stunning pure white like my Mother's was then I am damn well thinking: I'll keep it white. 

Well that is, unless I look 15 years older in which case then I'll just head on over to Walgreen's in a flash to buy my ever popular Excellence by L'oreal in Champagne Blonde. On the other hand, I really am psyched to see exactly how much white I have (I'm not doing salt and pepper!) and if it's anything like my snow white roots then bingo. I just may be onto something, here. Naturally I check the growth every 30 minutes to see if I'm all white yet, which winds up being nothing different than hours before, but believe me. Patience will totally pay off at some point. DEAR GOD: PLEASE LET THIS BE A FANTASTIC LOOK. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.


The second thing is: I'm a total wreck given I have a colonoscopy tomorrow! OMG. I HATE THIS. Normally people don't have a problem with this procedure and frankly neither do I. The procedure itself is no big deal. No wonder. You're completely knocked out, thank God. It's just the PREP POISON I have to drink later today that's the killer. And for me... I do mean killer. I CAN'T STOMACH THAT CRAP! No pun intended. Everyone else in the world seems to get through drinking this HORRIBLE HORRIBLE solution just fine, but two years ago I thought I would die altogether. And... though I didn't, I WANTED TO. I could hardly get down half of the poison before I began gagging, wanting to throw up. 

Nor did I get much past the halfway mark of the container so basically... don't ask. All of which is pretty funny considering I spend three quarters of my life having to find a bathroom IMMEDIATELY. In the meantime, you can be sure that already I took an Ativan just so I can calm down from the mere THOUGHT of having to drink this prep. 

I'm nauseous already. 

FATS

And no... I'm not talking carbs and calories. I'm talking about the REAL LIFE Fats. As in: Fats Domino. The alltime best rhythm/blues singer ever put here on earth. I could listen to this man sing for ever and ever. And the very first song I'd listen to, will without a doubt ALWAYS be either one of two: WALKING TO NEW ORLEANS or I WANT TO WALK YOU HOME.

In either one of these songs, like so many others... the music/melody literally roll with a basic blues rhythm that almost reQUIRES your body to begin gently moving to a raw, sensual beat. Which by the way is exactly why BLUEBERRY HILL was such a hit back in the 50s. Everybody on the planet began to sing along with that tune the minute you heard the very first three notes of the intro. Then of course throw in Fat's smooth voice and base lyrics and boom. You're in musical heaven.

Where thankfully Fats is not yet resting. Instead, he is still alive and kicking although no longer performing. He lives in New Orleans where he was born Antoine Domino and before he even spoke English, he spoke Creole. He learned to play the piano when he was seven and from that point on... well, the rest is history. Besides Fats has the most gentle looking face I've ever seen...he's got a smile that'll knock your socks off.

As it happens... piano is my alltime favorite instrument. Enter: my love for Elton John and Billy Joel. But still... listening to Fats Domino speaks to an innocence of love and simplicity that is far different than any other pianist. Well, in my opinion, anyway. Which is why I've linked my absolute favorite Fats Domino songs down below. If you have any musical inclination whatsoever then you totally need to listen to each and everyone of them. You will be delighted. You can also thank me profoundly via email.  

What I can't believe is that I am going to kick the bucket without ever having had the chance to see Fats in a live performance. You know those crazy ass girls who screamed and fainted when the Beatles used to perform?? Well guess what. That would ME at a Fats Domino concert. He is in his 80s by now thus he stays pretty close to home nowadays. And basically has, ever since Hurricane Katrina, which pretty much destroyed everything he had. In fact... there is an album called Goin' Home: A Tribute to Fats Domino that has hordes of the best known rock stars ever, recording songs by Fats with proceeds having gone to help rebuild his home.

Actually I myself did a cover song of sorts when I was but 8 years old. I totally remember being a little girl and belting out Blueberry Hill for my family, grandparents included, while once at an outdoor picnic. It was probably the first rock song I memorized and trust me... yes, I was a chubby idiot while performing but also... I was a budding diva. Oh man... if only there were a home movie or something to have documented this crapola performance. It would have been HILARIOUS.

In closing let me just say if you think for one minute that Pat Boone's AIN'T THAT A SHAME is anywhere NEAR a hit sound then not only are you nuts but more importantly... you and I have absolutely NOTHING in common whatsoever. Even all those artists who covered I ALMOST LOST MY MIND should be ashamed of themselves. NO ONE, not a one, can compare to how Fats Domino sings it. Not even Ivory Joe Hunter. 


Okay... so I am now into day three of binge listening to Fats and am loving every minute of it. Take a gander at some of these songs for yourself, to enjoy some of the best tunes EVer. Talk about not being able to get enough. And no... you won't see Blueberry Hill in the lineup below given who on earth hasn't heard it a million times already. 

In the meantime... tonight is dinner and the Patsy Cline musical play. Yes, it will be great. But still and all... it won't be Fats Domino. Damnit.

I WANT TO WALK YOU HOME 
WALKING TO NEW ORLEANS
SO LONG
I HEAR YOU KNOCKING
YOUR CHEATIN' HEART
And... the REAL best of the best, which you need to begin at 2:22...
I ALMOST LOST MY MIND

COULD TOTALLY BE WORSE

Man... time is marching on, alright. In a couple more days can you beLIEVE I'm going to be 67 years old?? Whoa. I don't know whether to be freaked or to be thrilled. I guess I should be thrilled. Better on this side of the grass rather than under it, right?

The other day a friend of mine was over and took this picture you see of me up above there. Which I guess is as good a way as any to show what 67 looks like nowadays. Hence my conclusion: things could look worse. Way worse.

Yet I do have to say that there are plenty of other people my age who still look pretty damn good. I'm not implying that I myself am necessarily one of them, but on the other hand... I can hold my own pretty well, I think. In other words... I'm totally not my Grandmother's 67. Actually I don't even think she lived to be that old. Whatever. In the meantime...

Yippee for me. I think I'll make this shot my official Birthday Portrait for 2015. It is what it is and besides. My sister always says that today we look at ourselves in pictures that were just taken and go: ugh. However ten years from now we'll probably look again at the very same pictures and wind up saying: Hey. Who knew we looked so decent way back then? We could have been so way worse.


In closing... let me just say that while May is my birthday guess what June is? NINE YEARS THAT I'VE WRITTEN THIS BLOG!! Holy ba holy. Granted, nothing I think or say is of any importance whatsoever... but even I am stunned that I had this much about which to write in the first place. Talk about time flying when having fun. Oh yeah... and how cool is it that this was published at 5:19 p.m.??

BIRTHDAY SHOES

Yay. It's May. Which means: yippee. It's  my birthday month! I totally love my birthday month and more importantly, I love my birthday. I also love celebrating it with friends and even more... I love presents! Oh yeah... and I REALLY love birthday cake and ice cream. All in all, my birthday is an excellent event for me each and every year. Besides... who the hell even knows just how many birthdays I may have left.

Which is why I like not only getting gifts from others, but in case those gifts may suck, I always make sure to  buy mySELF a present, too. Kinda like: having a built in precaution to assure I get something outstanding. This year I decided to buy some driving moccasins... exactly like the ones you see in the picture up above. How much do I love the red color!! I adore each time I wear them. 

I saw these in the catalogue so I called my local Talbot's to see if they had the red color in stock and naturally... no they didn't. So I had to order them online which I did last week and yippee. They arrived here within days and I'm am going to love them for summer wear. So much so, btw... that I decided to go for broke and spend big bucks for them. Uh... regular cost: $139.00. Luckily however... they didn't cost me nearly that much. For some reason this Candy Apple Red pair were on sale for $109.00. Then... even better I think I got some sort of a code discount PLUS I was able to use my birthday discount that Talbot's sends me each year. Next thing I know... my wonderful new red shoes come to a total of of about $65 which is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend on myself for such a happy occasion.

The funny thing about this shoe is that I NEVER wear moccasins. Ever. Girlie flats? All the time. Moccasins? Never. Until that is, last March when I couldn't help myself and bought a pair of these driving shoes in blush pink. Totally beautiful. And... they match my blush pink everyday pocketbook that I got last December. I've been wanting a pale pink purse for years and whammo. I finally found one that fits my requirements perfectly. Am thrilled, believe you me. Plus... I'm almost thinking that I can wear these red and pink shoes in winter, too. Just add a pair of spiffy socks and yippee. I'm off to the races. Granted... they can't replace a much needed boot in the thick of winter but still. I should be able to find plenty of days to wear this new look.

Don't get me wrong. I can never possibly give up all my favorite flats. That's not even on my radar whatsoever. But I'm kinda looking forward to breaking outside of my fashion box and going with these driving moccasins every once in while. Totally comfortable, btw! Besides... red? An outstanding color for so many outfits. And speaking of red...

I am utterly heartsick over the fact that Summer is here which means: time to don my adored red framed glasses. The ones I loved wearing for six months last year until it was way into Autumn. It was probably at the beginning of November when I switched up my frames and went back to my tortoise shell glasses only to find that guess what? I put on my regular glasses alright but.... WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH THE RED ONES WHEN I PUT THEM AWAY?? The ones I want to wear right smack NOW! I can not TELL you what sort of searching I've done throughout my entire house, closets, clothing, drawers, cabinets over, under, EVERYwhere only to realize: they are GONE! Forever. Kaput. Ain't never coming back. And trust me...


I am sick over this loss. I mean... yes. They'll be found ONE day alright, but... it will a day after which I am long gone and when someone comes in, removes all my belongings and buys my house. I just can't iMAGine where they are, but it's not for my not trying. After all, wouldn't they look fantastic with my new red shoes??? DEAR GOD... I LOVE THE COLOR RED AND WOULD BE FOREVER GRATEFUL IF YOU PLEASE BRING BACK MY RED FRAMES LICKETY SPLIT. Thank you God. Amen.

YOU CHEATED? BOOM. YOU'RE OUT.

OOPS. NEWSFLASH: THIS WAS WRITTEN EARLIER TODAY BEFORE A SUSPENSION WITHOUT PAY WAS ANNOUNCED. And with that said:

I know that I'm in the minority but I can't help it. My take is pretty much the way I raised my kid. You lied? Cheated? Stole? Boom. That's it. You get punished. And... I also made pretty sure that the punishment fit the crime. In addition... I figure this sort of credo goes for not only child rearing but also for business, politics, relationships, etc.

Which is why I am so disgusted with sports heroes of today. In particular... Tom Brady. I don't care what other people say... he totally knew about the football inflation rules as well as the fact his Superbowl balls were purposely deflated. Thus guess what. Tom Brady is not only lying but should totally just be kicked out of the game forever. HE CHEATED. He cheated in the most important game of the season, too. What's the big argument here? Who cares how many bucks he brings to the game? Who cares what his record is? The guy didn't play by the rules and the guy needs to be punished. REALLY punished. ITS OKAY TO THROW ALL VALUES TO THE WIND, LET ALONE THROW THE GAME ALTOGETHER? IN HIS OWN FAVOR NO LESS? I'm just so damn disgusted by all the lying and cheating that this world today now finds so prevalent and yet sorta acceptable.

You know Ray Rice? The guy who beat up his fiancé in the elevator? Get this... she's still madly in love with him! WHAT? IS SHE OUTTA HER FREAKIN' MIND?? Violence is now an okay thing with women? Like just how low can one's self esteem be that they find it necessary to decide a month after the incident... YOU KNOW WHAT HONEY. I TOTALLY LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE YOUR HAPPY BRIDE FOREVER AND EVER. LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT ALL THE BLOOD OOZING FROM ME, OKAY? BESIDES... YOU PROBABLY HAD A GOOD REASON TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Jesus. This just makes me sick.

Then of course there's Manny Pacquiao who kinda sorta forgot to tell fight higher ups that uh... oh yeah. He had a sore shoulder or something and oops. He forgot to mention it while zillions of fans were shelling out zillions of dollars assuming he'd be in tip top shape to maybe beat Mayweather. Well gee. Isn't that special. Thanks Manny for screwing lots of fans. As for business and Congress... don't even get me started. I'd NEVER be able to find enough time to get on soap box for THAT.

And btw... I've had many discussions with my kid lately about the all the recent police brutality, too. I am sick and tired of the mentality of the police force where it appears to be so okay to shoot black men... armed or unarmed. My kid on the other hand often feels that: Hey... you fuck with the police, don't be surprised if you run into major trouble with their treatment of you. To me... treatment is one thing. DEATH IS TOTALLY ANOTHER. 

And in this vein... this crap of suspension with pay makes me want to throw up. You fucking killed a guy with mere bullshit cause?? GET THE HELL OUT OF THE POLICE FORCE THIS MINUTE. I don't care WHAT the reasoning was. And... I don't believe the policemen for one minute whereby they were scared for their lives. THEY'RE SIMPLY LYING. My take is: in the past few years they've got this killer instinct no matter what, and they're going to let it play out with ease. I submit... killer instincts are pretty much for the Navy Seals only. Not for your neighborhood policemen.

I know, I know. Many will totally tell me I'm off my rocker, but the fact is: I'm not. I'm merely so disheartened that today's society is filled with such anger and hostility and lack of judgment, honesty and values. Our country is going down the tubes but fast as is, but decent behavior and sensible calm appear to have gotten down there decades ago. I mean seriously... STILL we're dealing with rampant racism?? Has NO progress been made since the days of George Wallace? Okay. Granted... SOME progress has surely been made but man. Talk about a mere tip of the iceberg. 

I have always been anti gun and I still am. I have always been for the death penalty, too. I also hate that Congress has long ago decided representing the interests of the lobbyists were more important than the interests of their constituents. Oh yeah... and about this separation of church and state business? WTF is with that?? Who cares what our Congressmen think about rape and abortion unless it's in their own personal lives? Keep religion out our laws! Same goes for gay marriages, too. Let consenting adults live and love legally, already. And as a byline: Congress should TOTALLY be thrown out on their asses! Why? Simple reason: they have no interest nor any clue in compromising whatsoever.


Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm just an old lady writing a blog about getting even older. On the other hand, I've had the pleasure to grow up during the most prosperous age of our nation. I've seen so many wonderful things occur during my lifetime but as I look around NOW... holy ba holy. It's all gone to hell in a hand basket with no turning back, if you ask me. And... stop breaking wholly reasonable laws regardless of what your position, how you earn your money or where you pray. Most of all... stop lying and stop cheating and stop resorting to violence. Oh yeah... and stop hating. So let me close with: 

I admit... I'm no lily white. I've made plenty of decisions in my life with which you may not be thrilled. But then again... they never affected YOU. Thus... don't judge me and don't worry about me. I've lived a perfectly fine, decent  life so far and as for those maybe iffy decisions? Sorry... but I'm thrilled I made each and every one of them, afterall.  

MAKEUNDERS

Ever see those ladies getting makeovers at the cosmetic counters? Or women who have the make up artist arrive two hours early for a bride and her entire entourage? Or even the hostess of a snazzy event have the makeup done at her own house before a fabulous party? Trust me... these artists can take sadly plain women and turn them into MAJOR makeovers. Well... okay. Not always necessarily starlet like makeovers, but still...  totally improved. Which is probably why Glamour Shots was such a fantastic craze back in the 80s. It was way up my alley, btw.

In the meantime, I so loved the other day, when I came across a bunch of pictures about makeUNDERS. As in: some guy who decided to take movie stars and re-create them as normal looking people. It was simply amazing!! I couldn't stop laughing because I see people all the time, walking around everywhere, begging the question: Jesus. Don't these people... women in particular... ever look in the friggin mirror?  Would it kill them to take five minutes and apply some mascara, blush and lipstick? Or how about... get to a hairdresser and figure out a style that's even HALF way becoming?? All I'm saying is okay... we can't all be movie stars. I get that. But at least make SOME effort.


Anyway, who cares. People can either make themselves as attractive as possible or they can't. It's up to them. But regardless... you totally have to check out the samples of makeunders, down below. They make me chuckle but plenty! I think my favorite is Madonna and Paris Hilton. I could name each of the stars for you, but 1.) I'm too lazy and 2.) you should definitely be able to figure them for yourselves. Oh yeah... Scarlett Johansen is pretty good, too. 

SEMI ERECT

Uh... not him. ME!

Granted, not many men love getting to that stage in life where being totally erect is a bit of a challenge, if even feasible anymore. But me??? Uh... I am definitely into proper erect posture and take great pride in doing so. 

Which is too bad given that now, standing only semi erect is pretty much where I am at this point in my recent crisis. Which yes is good, being that at least I'm not bent over like a caveman anymore. But still... I am not completely standing totally erect either, like most other homo sapiens roaming this planet. I detest slouching, in both myself and in others. Unless of course they are suffering from Lumbar Scoliosis, like me. In THEIR case, I empathize with great sincerity.  

In the next couple of days I have full faith I'll be returning to standing straight once again, thank God. Even more importantly however is that... lo and behold... the bone doctor actually knew what the hell he was talking about when he told me that within five days the pain and torture I was experiencing would subside considerably. Oh man... I had so little faith in THAT last Monday. Yet bingo. I'm no longer in major pain... merely constant mild ache. In my thighs, my lower spine and part of my lower back. Last night I figured I was headed into feeling depressed about all this afterall, but frankly I'm now thinking MAYbe I can put that on the back burner for a little while yet. Yippee.

BTW... you should have seen me watching Bill Maher Friday night. So not attractive. It was the end of the day, so naturally the discomfort of my lower back had gradually grown to a not so sweet crescendo. Therefore... I retreated to my 40 year old remedy that I've used many times before, with great relief, actually. I pulled up a dining room chair, faced it towards the TV, laid down on my wooden family room floor, raised my knees so that my calves rested over the seat of the chair, thereby alleviating pressure on my back and laid in that position for an hour. SOOO good in not only numbing the entire lower back area but also in radiating the pain outwards from the central point of discomfort. It's like a miracle procedure if you ask me. Anyway...

Once again I have to thank TV for airing not only Bill Maher, but also Shark Tank AND Beyond Shark TanK. Totally delightful evening for alleviating pain and viewing television. THEN of course... I got the news the Duchess went into labor and I was beyond psyched. Two and a half hours of labor, btw?? Whoever heard of such a thing!! Talk about lucky.


In the meantime, there just may be some light at the end of this tunnel, afterall. Although I still want to make an appointment at the Mayo Clinic to get a REAL diagnosis of this debilitating deal. On the other hand... per usual, I let little stand in the way of my favorite Sunday brunch at the country club, and I definitely headed there today for feast and frolic. Thankfully it was at noon so I totally was able to pull off the walking with some degree of ability to once again become part of the homoerecti species. 

Speaking of which... sorry, fellas... I now feel your pain.