Monday, June 8, 2015

NINE YEARS AND COUNTING


Man... how time flies when having fun. Or... when you have a nine year anniversary, which btw I'm having on the 14th of this month. For it was on June 14, 2006 that I published my very first blog entry and lo and behold... here I am, after all this time, still posting bullshit about whatever may be going on in my life. Which is pretty ironic given there is absolutely nothing about my life that would make anyone else on earth give a damn about what I do or what I have to say on any topic whatsoever. Yet... believe it or not... I have quite a little following. From around the world, too. Who the hell KNEW?? I know. Pretty scary, right? In fact... in the past month... I've had 17 page views from China! Seriously?? Like is some Chinese guy actually interested in my garbage or instead... is someone from the Chinese higher ups just plain out to get me?? EEEKS.

I also have followers in several European countries although I do have to admit my biggest following is from right here in the United States which I always guessed was my main target audience, anyway. But hey... if someone wants to make me famous world wide who am I to dissuade them?? My favorite audience location btw, is in the United Arab Emirates, which is where Dubai is located and trust me... I'd LOVE to visit that country, so rich in opulence. Better yet... I'd love to visit the palace of the reader he/she lives in but I have no way of knowing exactly who that reader may be. Damnit. For THAT could be a friendship I may indeed want to embrace. Can you imagine??

In the meantime I totally admit I get a pretty happy spark from of all my readers' emails, not to mention the fun I have while writing my posts. Once in a while I'll sit down here at the computer, go through many of the posts, and get a major chuckle while reading all the postings. Several make me laugh right smack out loud. Some I have no memory of writing in the first place. 

My favorite thing to see however, is how many typographical and/or grammatical errors I have written. Which is so strange given I really do try to polish the posting before it's published. I have a real sequence I follow before I ever publish anything too, including a three time read through to 1.) be sure it all makes sense and 2.) it's written correctly. Thus to actually MISS a mistake all three times hardly speaks well for me, but whatever. Anyway...

I have two announcements to make.

The first one is: OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I am now going white!! As in: goodbye blonde! Hello old lady. I made this decision about two weeks ago and yes the time has finally come. I will not be coloring my hair for quite a while until I see what my natural hair color looks like! I can not even IMAGINE what will be but if it turns out to be a stunning pure white like my Mother's was then I am damn well thinking: I'll keep it white. 

Well that is, unless I look 15 years older in which case then I'll just head on over to Walgreen's in a flash to buy my ever popular Excellence by L'oreal in Champagne Blonde. On the other hand, I really am psyched to see exactly how much white I have (I'm not doing salt and pepper!) and if it's anything like my snow white roots then bingo. I just may be onto something, here. Naturally I check the growth every 30 minutes to see if I'm all white yet, which winds up being nothing different than hours before, but believe me. Patience will totally pay off at some point. DEAR GOD: PLEASE LET THIS BE A FANTASTIC LOOK. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.


The second thing is: I'm a total wreck given I have a colonoscopy tomorrow! OMG. I HATE THIS. Normally people don't have a problem with this procedure and frankly neither do I. The procedure itself is no big deal. No wonder. You're completely knocked out, thank God. It's just the PREP POISON I have to drink later today that's the killer. And for me... I do mean killer. I CAN'T STOMACH THAT CRAP! No pun intended. Everyone else in the world seems to get through drinking this HORRIBLE HORRIBLE solution just fine, but two years ago I thought I would die altogether. And... though I didn't, I WANTED TO. I could hardly get down half of the poison before I began gagging, wanting to throw up. 

Nor did I get much past the halfway mark of the container so basically... don't ask. All of which is pretty funny considering I spend three quarters of my life having to find a bathroom IMMEDIATELY. In the meantime, you can be sure that already I took an Ativan just so I can calm down from the mere THOUGHT of having to drink this prep. 

I'm nauseous already. 

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