MINT JULEP, ANYONE?

So guess where I was last Saturday. Uh... about 6:00 in the evening, let's say. Need a hint? Think: women's hats. Give up? 

I was at a KENTUCKY DERBY PARTY, of course! 

Which naturally meant: a festival of hats. Actually, the only rival I can think of where hats take center stage is probably: on Easter.  

Unfortunately you can't see my entire hat here, but no big deal. It wasn't anything to necessarily to write home about although it was perfectly acceptable and maybe even sorta pretty. Regardless... what I love about the picture up above is how the shot is framed. You know... with just the rim of the hat showing. Something about it just knocks me out.

What I loved even more  however, is... as we walked up to the entrance of the party, boom. A lady was there handing out champagne!! Now THAT'S what I call a fantastic way to begin a party, alright. In the meantime, I'm going to guess that there were what? Maybe a couple hundred people there? Well... maybe not that many but whatever. In the meantime, I'm thinking that then, half of the folks were women and pretty much all of them had on their own hats. Which makes me wonder... if there were almost a hundred hats... why wasn't there at least ONE that absolutely just took my breath away??? Why no out and out to die for's? I don't get it. For the truth be told... I don't remember even one hat simply screaming: TOTALLY FABULOUS. Including my own, I might add.

But it all matters not. For it happened to be a pretty happy party anyway, beginning of course with watching the Derby itself. We all had a chance to wager our bets, but I decided... Hey. If I can't win at bingo, why the hell would I imagine I'd win at the Kentucky Derby? Although way before the betting was closed, the guy next to me DID tell me the number five horse was going to win. SHIT. IT DID WIN! Which means I could have easily gone to wager on it and then come home with some nice bucks in my purse. Talk about the story of my life. Anyway...

After the race was run, then yippee. Time for dinner. Which as you know, takes very little to please me. But I will admit the tenderloin was pretty damn good and the desserts were pretty damn tasty. As it happens, btw... I never did taste the mint juleps but that's only because it's made with bourbon and never in my life could I ever down bourbon. I did have some other icy type concoction however... made with vodka maybe??... and it was totally delicious.  

Okay. So the first leg of a possible Triple Derby has been run. And I have to admit I have ALways loved watching these particular races. Especially when watching the owners go nuts seeing the chances of their own horses winning, going higher and higher as they round the final part of the track. Talk about an adrenalin rush.

For now... I just have to wait until the Preakness and then the Belmont Stakes are run. If all this turns out to actually have a Triple Crown winner then... YIPPEE. I'LL BE SO DAMN THRILLED. Not to mention: shocked. I mean seriously... I was out of my mind watching Secretariat. 

Oh yeah... in case you're interested... the year I was born, Citation won all three races, too.

LET'S PLAY BARBIES

You can't imagine how many times a little girl might hear this happy suggestion up there in the title, when playing with another little girl. I had a Barbie at some point and of course I had little girlfriends. However I must also admit I myself rarely invited a friend to play Barbie since I never really got into the Barbie Doll craze all that much in the first place. Even when Ken came onto the scene, it was a non event for me.

In reality I never got all much into playing with dolls of ANY kind. Crayons and bike riding, yes. Hopscotch definitely. But Barbies? Man... I bet that held my attention for all of 15 minutes at a clip. I never collected lots of doll clothes either. I don't know what was wrong with me but I just never felt much like sitting on the floor, bouncing a doll all over the place pretending she was a princess off to the ball. Too bad I don't have my 1950's Barbie anymore btw, given I am pretty sure that mine would probably have brought in some mighty nice bucks nowadays.

ON THE OTHER HAND...

Okay. So I wasn't a Barbie freak. But just take a look at the "other" Barbie up there in the picture... although I'm sure many of you have already seen it. It's kinda like an updated version to match the 21st century. Now THAT Barbie I can relate to! Hers is a figure that pretty much resembled what I looked like as an 8 year old. As round as I was tall. Although I can almost promise you my mother would have never bought such a doll for me since she'd never want to actually promote my life long battle of carrying an 20 extra pounds. Just what she needed. TWO chubbettes in the family.

But then again... for little girls today who are as chubby as I was? Man... they must be thrilled to have a Barbie lookalike such as this. Not that I'm even sure they're on the toy store shelves, but still. Besides... according to all the current statistics, Barbie's measurements are like impossible for any human woman to even begin to mimic. The chubby Barbie on the other hand... bingo. Many a little girl can identify.  

The funny thing is that while I spent SO much of my youth trying to have a "figure" it was when I turned 40 that I decided once and for all FUCK IT. I wasn't born with a hot body and I'm never going to have a hot body. Unless of course for the times when I would down amphetamines for 3 months straight. Which I did and whose fantastic effects lasted maybe just another 3 months. Thus.... I completely called it quits in the dieting department and haven't looked back since. Now I'm not saying I purposely TRIED to put on weight, but I simply decided that I'm not going to waste time and energy any longer in starving myself to have a look that wasn't me in the first place.

Also... don't get me wrong. I totally try to eat healthy... french fries being my down fall... but if I put on an extra 3 pounds I don't go crazy in working to take them right off within days. Eventually I get back to my normal weight and I'm happy as a lark once again. Seriously. Women my age who STILL count every single calorie that goes into their mouth are nuts if you ask me. In my mind... eating whatever the hell makes you happy is an absolute right of passage at this point. I DO try to exercise properly mind you, but again... if it means fanatical work outs, then forget it. I'll totally stay chubby.


Which brings me back to the two Barbies. The glamorous one and the realistic one. If you fall into the glamorous category then lucky you and you're probably a major bitch. If you're more like me though, and fall into the realistic one then yippee. Call me up and maybe I'll suggest "let's play Barbies". For trust me... I'll have plenty of goodies on the side table to keep us and our dolls perfectly happy. 

SPOT THE PROBLEM

EVERY damn time I see this picture I laugh right out loud. I mean... really?? This speaks well for the store?? I can only imagine that you too, can spot the problem in a heartbeat... much like I did. Jesus. Talk about crazy.

So here's the deal. I had to go to Pier One a few weeks ago to pick up some large sized items. Which naturally meant I had to drive around to the back of the store to meet the salesperson at their delivery/pick up door. Which I did.

As SOON as I got there and had my car in position for the loading, I noticed a problem imMEDiately. You do see it, right??

WHAT?? AN EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLE RIGHT SMACK OUTSIDE THEIR DOOR?? THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL A COFFEE BREAK NOWADAYS?? You so have to be kidding me!

Which is why as soon as I saw it and way before I rang the button there on the wall, I grabbed my camera and snapped this picture. That way I'd have no problem bitching to the home office should I encounter any trouble from the help, if you catch my drift. I was just so damn SHOCKED when I saw this. And... the bottle's EMPTY. Which of course I have imagine can only mean one thing: SOMEone in the store is plenty drunk. And I guess... SOMEone inside is making a major mess in sales for the day. Can you imagine??

When I rang the bell to have my items loaded in the car, I can't even remember whether or not I even told the salesperson about their slight problem sitting there against the wall. For which I'm pretty sorry about, for now THAT would have been one hell of a conversation, alright. Regardless... the fact that someone had even left such evidence way out in the open just makes me giggle like you can't imagine. And... makes me very uneasy. I'm what? Dealing with drunks while shopping?? Holy shit. On the other hand... NO WONDER all the sales help in Pier One are so very accommodating!

Which is totally true, btw. You've shopped in this store before? I've been there plenty over the years and I can honestly tell you... there is almost NOTHING the people there won't do to make you a happy customer. It's a total pleasure when shopping there. Of course now I know why. What I REALLY should have done is run right out to a liquor store and REPLACED the bottle with a brand new full one. Only to then see... how long it would take for it to become empty again! Just the thought of it makes me laugh.


In the meantime, all my items got loaded into the car perfectly fine so I have no reason whatsoever to complain. Nor do I have anyone I need to turn in to the higher ups. However... should I ever FIND the person who has taken to the bottle so openly, I will definitely make sure I get them to write up my sales ticket. I swear... in addition to their wishes to make my shopping such a happy experience, I bet they will also definitely give me the best pricing possible. Talk about win/win.

THE GLORY OF SPRING

So I have a friend who decided to make the big move a few months ago... he opened his own flower shop! I was really psyched for him and for his Grand Opening he asked me to take pictures of all the festivities. And trust me... there were festivities, alright. Way better than I could have ever imagined.

I had not seen the shop until the day of the opening and when first I walked in I was totally blown away. I swear... I thought I was in Manhattan or something. The shop was SO STUNNING I couldn't believe it. I fell in love with it immediately. There is simply nothing like it here, in our little baby town in Western North Carolina.

First of all, the shop is decorated just so beautifully. Kinda like Paris meets elegant rustic mountain living. There are lots of home accessories but most of all, the flower selections are to die for. And as for my friend's floral arrangements?? Don't even ask. THE most stunning colors and varieties you've ever seen. Which naturally means the store's opening was a huge success. And... the pictures came out GREAT if I say so myself. Plus... the food?? OMG. I downed some of the most delicious foods ever that day. So up my alley. Oh yeah... there's a picture of me up above there, taken at the party. Nice flowers, right?? My friend brings a whole new meaning to: GORGEOUS. You should have SEEN what he created for Valentine's Day and Easter! In the meantime...

A couple of weeks after the opening, my friend then asked me to please do him a huge favor for a wedding he was doing two days later. The favor was easy as pie... to please sew the seams to six long table runners that he would then use on some black pillars at the event. I naturally said I'd be happy to help so I then quickly figured out the easiest way to tackle this and bingo. The job was done.

The whole time I was working on the runners, I kept thinking about how exciting it must be to be a part of such happy occasions since as you know... weddings are by far my favorite celebrations. Therefore, when I brought the finished items to him, I told my friend I'd be happy to help any time he needed an extra pair of hands. For seriously... what could be better than working amongst beautiful flowers for beautiful occasions. Boom. I've been helping out ever since.

The entire set up is PERFECT for me. I don't have to be there at any special time. I don't have switch up play time with my friends and most of all, I don't even have to miss my happy nap time if I don't want. I mean seriously... what could be better for me? So... for the past several weeks, I've been going into the flower shop for a few hours a day and have been learning just what great planning, projects, etc. goes into being a florist. A FANTASTIC florist I might add. I totally love when the customers come in and hear them rave about how absolutely magnificent the work is. And get this... I even swiped some credit cards for their purchases! Well... wait a minute. Let me rephrase: I've even helped to complete their credit card orders. Whew. Big difference. Anyway...

I've also been able to help out on some of the display preparations for the store even though granted... any 10 year old could definitely do what I did. It's not like anyone would EVER confuse my contributions with my friend's creations, but who's counting. I've also helped to edit the website which will be up and running by next week I believe.

The bottom line is: I'm actually having a great time lending a helping hand. It kills plenty of time for me in the afternoons and I'm getting a chance to see a master at work. Plus, I get to go help with setting up the arrangements for events although I do have say... Mother's Day weekend there is a huge affair coming up and uh... I may be out of town for it. I know... just when I may REALLY be needed, I bail. But so be it.


For now... all I can say is it's simply a totally wonderful way to help someone out and enjoy a part of my day as well. Plus... the Spring flowers now are just so stunning, it takes my breath away. The community here has embraced this new store so enthusiastically and for that, I'm so thrilled. Oh yeah... I Googled LILIES the other night. Have any clue how many varieties there are?? Oh man... don't even ask. I will ask this however:

How'd YOU like to receive an arrangement like THIS one?? Outstanding, right?? Didn't I tell you??

GENETICS

My Mother used to be sooo fascinated with genes. It was always amazing to her that they could be so strong in people, from one generation to another. Case in point... supposedly I have my Father's nose. I was told ever since I was baby, that I looked just like my Dad but in particular, that I have his nose. And believe it or not... I almost have to say that my son ALso happens to sorta have my nose. Ergo: the nose genes apparently have indeed flowed from one generation to the next. What's also freaky is that my brother's daughter was always told that she looked exactly like my sister! It was nuts... at times people thought maybe Claudia and Laura were sisters. Which is good, for Claudia and I look absolutely nothing alike. But whatever.

In the meantime, I was at fancy party a few months ago and up above you can see a picture that was taken of me while there. Yes, I was having a fantastic time and in fact I was having SUCH a great time that I even decided to drink a glass or two of wine. Something I RAREly do. But what the hell... I figured it'd be fun to shake things up a bit. 

However... neither the party nor the wine nor the fun is what conjured up any party memories when first I saw this photo. What DID strike me more than anything ELSE was: OMG. MY HANDS LOOK EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER'S!! Honestly. It just totally blows my mind. I have legs like my Mother too, but in this picture it's the hands that startles me. I never ever before would have thought such a clone of Mom's hands would one day become mine.

My take is: age is probably what's responsible for this identical lookalike deal. For when I was young, my hands looked very much like that of a young, happy go lucky sort of woman. But now that my hands... fingers in particular... have begun to be those of an almost 66 year old woman, bingo. MOM ALL OVER AGAIN! It's crazy. And btw... up until the year before my Mother passed away, she had a manicure every week of her adult life. ME, TOO. But eventually, apparently even with manicures, both our skin began to age, both our knuckles began to look older and probably some arthritis even began to affect our bone structure in our fingers. I just think this is SO damn amazing. I would kill to still have my Mom around now so I could actually show her the freakish resemblance.


Besides, my Mom would probably be tickled pink that I got all dolled up for this party. For she too, loved getting all dressed up for happy times. And of course for flirting with hilarious men. Even though now that I think of it... Mom ALSO had a completely flat ass, JUST LIKE MINE. Damnit. Now there's a case alright where genetics did NOT work in my favor. Because in this instance, with the genes of "no ass" going on, who the hell can possibly look good in... uh... a pair of hot rockin', sexy jeans??? Oh man... in my next life I SO pray I have a tight, shapely, round looking ass! And of course, a tiny waist. Oh yeah. And a hard rock belly, too. 

CROWN VS CROWN

How much do I love this sentiment?? Isn't the concept just PERFECT for me?? You can't imagine how thrilled I was when first I saw it. FINALLY. SOMEONE GETS IT. For trust me... if ever there a woman who would love living in an opulent palace with my knight in shining armor, let alone ruling some fantastic realm, it would so be me. DEAR GOD: IN MY NEXT LIFE PLEASE LET ME HAVE SEVERAL WONDERFUL LADIES IN WAITING WHOSE WISH IS BUT MY COMMAND. THANK YOU, GOD. AMEN.

On the other hand in THIS life, I can merely dream. I can also swoon. As in: swooning over the most adorable royal baby ever. I am telling you... I just can't WAIT til Prince George is a couple years older, walking and talking. Am I the only one btw, who thinks he looks exactly like Queen Elizabeth did as an infant? It's uncanny if you ask me. But... I digress.

Getting back to my dentist. The craziest thing was going on with what apparently were problems with my salivary gland a few weeks ago. I spent about a month with my dentist sending me to one doctor who sent me to another who ordered a CT SCAN only to be sent to a final doctor who told me my salivary gland seemed to be clogged and therefore created this disturbing baby bump in my neck. Happily the scan told us the node was benign thus began his pretty easy directions for helping it to subside somewhat in size.

It's still there, but that's probably because of the 5 directives the doctor told me to do, I decided to do only the 2 easiest ones. But who's counting. Oh wait... I did happily suck on the sugar free lemon drops he told me to get and I must say... they were the most DELICIOUS medicine I've ever been prescribed. Regardless, I do have to point out however that... I know, surprising... neither my dentist nor the neck surgeon mentioned the fact I absolutely deserve to be wearing a regal crown. Man. Talk about not knowing their patient, at ALL.

As it happens however, who needs them since I DO have several crowns, not counting the couple I probably have in my mouth. For instance, every year my sister in law buys me a crown pin. I also have a few home accessories with crowns on them. Plus I have a couple actual beautiful diamond like tiaras to wear on my head. That's the good news. 

The bad news is I can hardly think of one event to which I could ever actually wear any of them other than on Halloween, let's say. Unfortunately the English royal court has yet to issue me an invitation to any of their get togethers. Which is totally a shame since I've got my jewels already all lined up for such an event should the invite ever arrive. But whatever.

In the meantime, I so have to get this picture up above framed and hung in my house sometime soon. It makes me smile every damn time I look at it. Of course I'll have to redo the colors in it since purple and pink are not quite what I'm going for in the home decor department. Plus I'm not 12 years old anymore. And even then, purple was never ever a color with which I bonded too well. I DID bond with the queen concept right smack off the bat... just not with her regal purple.


So the bottom line to all this?? Whomever came with these fine words of wisdom, I do have to say a major thank you! The idea that someone totally gets how I surely deserve a crown is SO spot on. Uh... not to be confused with the ones my dentist already put on my teeth many years ago. 

SOS

Okay... so yeah, I know. I look pretty crappy here in my bullshit nightgown with no bra, but that's not what we're going to focus on at the moment. Instead, we're going zero in on the necklace. The necklace that gives my son peace of mind that maybe I won't be found dead, lying on the floor somewhere in my house for hours and hours.

Hopefully, I'll be lying on the floor for only mere moments since THIS necklace is my survival technique of sorts. Actually it's the little black button in the middle of it that may save my life. 

It all started about six months ago maybe when my kid was home for the weekend. We decided maybe it would be a good idea to get one of those alert devices so as to hopefully cut my death chances in half. Also, so I won't be one of those people who've fallen and then can never get up. That's where this cheapo looking piece of jewelry comes in.

It's really kinda cool, actually. Well, since I switched up the alert WATCH to the alert NECKLACE, that is. Anyway... first we searched the web to try to figure out which company would offer the best service for the best cost. It was pretty easy to narrow it down and boom. Next thing you know, about an hour later the monitor and necklace were in the mail and on it's way to me. Of course I waited a few months til the next time my kid was home before we actually set it all up and then tested the deal. But sure enough... it worked. Yippee. Maybe I won't die afterall. So basically here's how it works...

I can be in any room of the house, have a medical emergency and then push the button in the middle of the necklace. Bingo. That's when monitor supposedly kicks in and calls the main station for me, who then calls me back to see if they can hear my voice. If so, then I tell the people what sort of emergency I may have. If they can't hear my voice however, then quick! they send help. Well... if they don't screw up, that is.

It' kinda like a no brainer and as far as I can tell, there is only one possible glitch. That being... my inability to actually hear like I used to. What I mean is: should I fall let's say somewhere in the family room then bingo. I can hear the person on the monitor perfectly fine. But the farther I get from the monitor the less I can hear, which means when the person is yelling to me LINDA. LINDA. ARE YOU DEAD??... I may or may not be, depending if I'm like in my bathroom with my Kindle blaring. In this scenario... my earballs definitely have to struggle to hear whoever is on the phone. Which means I could be kicking the bucket altogether. OR it means: I just can't hear over the Kindle, TV or whatever.

But luckily I still won't die. Why?? Because if they get no response from me since I may not hear what the fuck they're saying... GOOD NEWS. They'll send out an ambulance lickety split! It's kinda like a win-win situation.


Naturally you're supposed to test the system periodically but so far I never have. Maybe to test the battery or something. But testing aside... I do wear this charmless necklace almost every night when I go to sleep. Of course you're supposed to wear it ALL THE TIME when you're home alone, but I just figured my impending death will most likely happen after I take my nightly shower. Besides... talk about unattractive jewelry. Who the hell wants to wear THAT so damn often. 

As opposed to the other little necklace you also see in the pict. That necklace is one I never take off and wear everyday of my life, under my clothing. It's basically what they call a "gratitude necklace" and it's two symbols are to supposedly remind me of how grateful I am for the life I have, given I am "in need of nothing". Which is pretty arguable now that I think of it, but still... I so love it. In the meantime, if the gratitude necklace doesn't kick in, then let's just hope the alert necklace will. Either way... I'm definitely covered. 

Well... except for one of the incredibly stunning necklaces I wear every day on the outside of my clothing. Case in point: as we speak, I'm wearing a beautiful 46" long necklace of huge grey pearls and baby black balls which I made few weeks ago. Looks amazing over by sparkly black sweater!

4/14/14

Just had to blog this title since I totally love the date and wanted to have something for posterity to remember it by. 4 is one of my two alltime favorite numbers and boom. Today's date has it all. My first favorite number, btw, is 2. Which only means... come 2/2/22,I had better high tail it over to my closest lottery dispenser. If only. On the other hand... I said 4 and 2 are my FAVORITE numbers. Not necessarily my LUCKY ones. Anyway... 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I haven't been doing alot of blogging lately and several of you have been getting on my case about it. I've been either so damn lazy or so damn busy. Take your pick. I will say this however... all in the Land of Linda has been mighty spiffy and for that, I am ever so grateful. As soon as I can, I shall be posting the entries that are still in the draft mode and bingo. I'll once again be sharing all the stupid little tidbits of my life.

Yippee. I remembered to call my accountant today to ask for an extension. Whew. 

DISASTER AVERTED

Oh man... I was so on the path of a major fiasco. I can't believe I even had the restraint to nip it in the bud before God only knows what might have happened but thank God I did.

Turns out I'm cheap. Well, sorta. Most of the time I'm willing to pay higher than list but who's counting. Yet when it comes to coloring my hair, I totally cheap out. Everyone else I know pays zillions of dollars to have their roots colored each month and frankly, they're happy to do so. I never was.

Thus for the past 25 years I've always colored my hair MYSELF. First of all, it's easy to do. Second of all, I can do it any damn time I want, day or night. Third of all, as I said... I'm cheap. Which basically means: who the hell needs to pay a hair salon when I've got my own right smack in my own beautiful bathroom. Besides...

Only once in all these years did I ever have a significant color problem in the outcome. Naturally, btw, it was the night before I was heading out on a trip to Myrtle Beach so obviously I just decided to go with the flow and learn to love my charcoal colored hair. A far cry from blonde, I might add.

In the meantime... tonight could have been so much worse. I have no clue what was wrong... the packaging, the expiration date of the color, or what. BUT... what I do know is that when I mixed the color with the developer there was NO way I saw a light colored cream solution. Instead... I saw a color that definitely resembled Lucy Arnez Red! Whoa. Are you kidding me? That's going to make my hair blonde when applied?? I so can't see that happening. Although trust me... I was but this far from taking the chance. 

Forget Lucy... I could have wound up with Kelly Osborne magenta for all I knew. Not at ALL the Champagne Blonde I was going for. I swear... I thought I was looking at a brown brick color that was nothing like any mixture I had ever seen before. You can see for yourself in the picture up above.

So whew. Reality kicked in just in time and I finally decided: STOP. STOP NOW. DON'T EVEN THINK IT. APPLYING THIS COLOR SO CAN'T TURN OUT GOOD. Which of course is too bad, since basically, that was $10 thrown out the window but fast. But I definitely did the right thing. For in no time at all...

I got out yet another box of the same coloring mix and voila`. THIS time the coloring solutions came together in the regular looking light beige sort of color IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE and I knew... bingo. I'd have my normal blonde hair once again. And sure enough... blonde I got. Talk about walking right up the edge of a cliff without going over. Yippee. No disaster, afterall.


So basically I wasted $10 on the first box that was going to for sure, destroy my hair. On the other hand, I saved at least $50 by doing it all at home rather than in a salon. So as I see it... in the end, I saved $40. Nice rationalizing, right? Yay. Now I can go buy something with the money I made.

I'M SO IN LOVE

Geez... I can't even believe I am actually able to tear myself away from the newest love of my life to write this entry in the first place. I can barely stand the separation. It's totally crazy. So what IS this new love of mine??

MY NEW iPAD AIR!!

Seriously. It's so great. I've had an iPad for maybe six years already?? It was the first generation. But this NEW one I have? The iPad Air?? MAjor improvement.

I basically only used my old one for when I traveled and it was perfect for such a need. But this one I'm using everytime I freakin' sit down in front of the TV. I'm addicted! The first day I was downloading new apps up the kazoo. The second day I was learning all the apps. The third day I was practicing everything I learned. Ever since then, I have just been bonding with it, playing and relaxing. For HOURS I might add.

Case in point: I was busy playing QuizUP given... get this... there's a game for DOWNTOWN ABBEY, FRIENDS, AND SEINFELD. Way up my alley. I've watched every episode of each of these shows, over and over and over again on re-runs so boom. I sorta knew what I was doing. Then there is a game for definition of words. And for spelling. Again, up my alley. After a couple of those games, I was then playing with the National Geographic's World Atlas, which could well be my alltime favorite app, and was STUNNED at how fascinating it is. I've always loved maps but this app is like a huge globe that zooms in wherever you want and its truly incredible. I am able to study countries all OVER the place. Countries about which I had no clue who was where.  

I was particularly intrigued with all the countries in the Mid East and or Africa. What really got me was how TINY so many countries that the U.S. has been involved in concerning their wars actually ARE. I was thinking: what?? Are these countries nuts? Croatia, Viet Nam, North Korea, Crimea, etc. are but mere SPECS on the globe. Why the hell are their HUGE neighboring countries even fighting them in the first place??? Leave these baby countries alone, for Christ sake. Have any clue how teeny tiny Israel is?? Plus... I had no idea that New Zealand was divided into two islands... north and south. Duh.  

Then, after God knows how long, I began playing with Photoshop and was having the time of my life. The camera on this iPad has been GREAT so far . But even greater are all the fantastic features I can use with Photoshop to switch up my pictures any way I want them to look. It's ingenious. There are ZILLIONS of choices in this app, too. Basically the only thing that's missing is a feature that will make me look 110 lbs. and about 30 years younger. Anyway... up above you can see one of my older pictures that I sorta played around with to create this super intense color. I totally have to frame it.

I even got brave the other day and actually video taped a monster wind storm that was occurring outdoors. Uh... come to find out, when I recorded and sent it out, I had the whole damn thing upside down, but now I know better. HOME BUTTON - ON MY RIGHT. Whew. Okay. I got that down pat now.

In the meantime, I don't necessarily do email on the iPad but obviously I could. I do check out QVC though, to make sure I'm not missing out on something that I totally don't need. I take this iPad everywhere, too. Today at the doctor's office Claudia and I were busy looking at all kinds of jewelry on Zappos.com. Then we were checking out eyeglass frames. I even logged into Huffpost to be sure the airplane didn't show up somewhere, afterall. Don't even get me started on THAT story, btw.


Anyway, suffice it to say that if you don't have a tablet of SOME sort, definitely go out and buy one immediately. It's absolutely a fantastic toy. Maybe even a necessity at this point for all we know. I guarantee... you will adore it.

DIANE

All I can say is: shoot me now. What a crazy ass bullshit day today was. Oh... it didn't start OUT that way... but man... NOW?? Holy M.F. is all I can say. So get this...

I get up nice and early so I can get to the store to pick up my new iPad Air which the salesman and I were going to set up. Yippee. Mission accomplished. Cesar had things going spiffy has hell for me and I got back home in the early afternoon, naturally having a dandy ole time playing with all sort of items on the new iPad. I was totally loving it. Until about an hour into it, that is. 

It's about then that I got a call from Claudia. UH... I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS... DIANE PASSED AWAY. What??? Diane??? WHEN?? HOW?? JESUS CHRIST. THIS IS CRAZY!! Believe me... I was so startled I could hardly wrap my head around it all.

So it's important to know here that Diane is my first cousin. We were born two days apart. Both our Mothers were in the hospital at the same time and she was born on the 17th and bingo. I was born on the 19th. Which pretty much meant we totally grew up together. All through elementary school Diane and I were best friends forever. In high school we had sorta gone with separate crowds but that really doesn't even matter. What does matter is that as kids we spent zillions and zillions and zillions of hours together. Playing, shopping, sleepovers, shared birthday parties, etc. etc. We were even in several classes together in school. Get the picture?? We were as tight as two cousins could possibly be, with our 60th birthdays being the last time I had spoken to Diane. 

Okay. So anyway... come to find out yet another cousin called Claudia today to say... OMG. I JUST HEARD FROM DIANE'S BROTHER AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. DIANE PASSED AWAY LAST NOVEMBER!! The fact the brother didn't tell any of us way back THEN is another story altogether but whatever. I was simply in a state of shock. I couldn't believe this entire story. Needless to say I hopped right smack on the phone and found out Diane passed away from kidney/liver cancer and other problems. Apparently she had some surgery that uh... I guess... didn't turn out so great. Besides, what the hell does it even matter anymore. In the meantime...

Just how long you think I've been a total mess since I got this little tidbit of news?? Think: all fucking day long!! I mean seriously... it was one thing to find out about this turn of events, but to also learn Diane died SIX FRIGGIN' MONTHS AGO? Is that a joke? The family couldn't have told any of us THEN?? WTF were they THINKing?? Man. So after a couple more calls back to Claudia, I just had to then call Janet, who knew both Diane and I way back when and was even some of our classes together. Thank God Janet was home when I called since I totally needed to get grounded once again.

As I told Janet, what I also can't get over is JUST HOW MANY OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS are kicking the bucket at age 65 or younger!! What the hell is THAT all about?? Man. I am in total shock. Janet keeps me up to date about all the kids with whom we went to high school and way too many have died, if you ask me. It's just all so freaky. And then... 

Things don't necessarily don't get better given what happened next. In hopes of dealing with this latest shock... about two hours after all this occurred... I go back to my iPad thinking yippee. It would help me relax and process things a bit by taking my mind off everything. Big mistake. Big MAJOR mistake. All I can tell you is I am a total idiot because next thing you know... I head to the computer to transfer pictures from my desktop to my iPad and in doing so... sitting down? I ERASED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING FROM THE iPAD!! I mean: Everything! It's totally back to HELLO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP YOUR NEW DEVICE NOW?? What??? Are you kidding me?? I erased everything that Cesar had done for me six hours earlier??? Everything I have no clue whatsoever how to ever do myself??

Oh. My. God. That's all I can say. I am so f'ed it's ridiculous. I have no idea what button I clicked on in iTunes, but man oh man, it was completely the wrong one. Thus... not only do I have no photos but now I also have NO iPAD. So basically... guess where I'll be at noon tomorrow, all over again.  SITTING DOWN WITH CESAR WHILE HE RE- SETS UP MY ENTIRE iPAD!! AGAIN. 

I so wished I drank hard liquor. I would down three shots but FAST. On the other hand, I was on the phone with Diane's brother tonight for maybe an hour and a half and believe it or not, it did bring me great comfort. Meaning: I now need only two shot of hard liquor. Talk about not being able to wait to get into bed tonight and bringing this entire day to an end.

TAKE A SEAT

This latest shopping spree of mine began last weekend when I was at the big mall. Little did I know when I began my day that any kind of financial restraint was apparently going to go right smack out the window.

It began with a beautiful bed cover that matches the exact Spa Blue color that I needed... oops, I mean I wanted... for my bedroom. I saw it and bingo. I basically said wrap it up, not even taking a look at what the price was. I totally overspent, but who cares. I love it on my bed. Yet another reason btw, why it's always good to have your own separate checking account. 

Next thing you know my five year search for beautiful white flats is finally over! Man... I am so tickled I can't believe it. I always began my search in May, given that's when summer basically kicks in for me. Big mistake. Who KNEW that February was the time white flats come on the scene? Thus another great purchase to add to the bed spread. Which now means three new stunning pairs of white flats are now sitting my closet. All three are a bit different yet all are so pretty and comfortable. One even has the perfect amount of bling. So up my alley.

Then yesterday, after my manicure and pedicure, I headed a few doors down and checked out Pier One since I really needed to replace two side tables on my patio deck. Which is also something I normally waited to do in May. Again... who KNEW that they are actually shown in February?? Finally, I'm getting the hint and finally I found just what I needed. Yippee. The deck is now complete other than next month when I can begin placing pretty flowers in all the planters.

Add to that purchase, my yearly addition of a wonderful Buddha. This one is a cream colored ceramic Buddha-like statue which I totally love. It's very delicate looking compared to the others I own since this one is not as big and bulky. Maybe about 10 inches tall but perfect for my bathtub surround. I'm still deciding on what to name him. THEN... as I'm walking out of the store...

What do I see but PERFECT bar height stools for the kitchen counter overhang! I have waited years to find something I really love and yesterday was apparently the day. I am thrilled with this particular purchase, indeed. Not only can I actually sit upon one and watch TV while downing some crappy meal I made for myself, but now I can actually work in the kitchen while someone is sitting there, entertaining me by chit chatting, staring at me as I move all around. Excellent purchase on my part. You can check them out in the picture above. Better yet... come over and sit your sweet little ass on one. I love company. 

The BIG delight however, is tomorrow when I go to pick up my new iPad Air that is waiting for me at the AT&T store. I finally got the hint that my first generation iPad is ready for a replacement when it began taking weeks to download new app updates. Plus my old one doesn't have any of the great features that the new one will. I must say... I'm pretty psyched. Supposedly it's going to be much faster, too... and I AM into speed. No pun intended.


So I'm kinda thinking that this weekend I totally better stay out of stores. Enough already with my spreading the wealth amongst my local shop owners. Besides, I better save the bucks to deal with this little mass I have in my neck which will be scanned on Monday. Just what I need... a deadly tumor to contend with now that I've happily got every materialistic thing I'll ever need. Dear God... please don't let me die. Thanks. Amen.    

50th ANNIVERSARY

As we speak, iTunes is playing on my computer. I decided listening to the Beatles as I write might give me some kind of inspiration although to be frank, I really don't need inspiration. Afterall... we're talking The Beatles here. Oh yeah. I probably should tell you right off the bat btw, that I was always the person who put Elvis in the number slot rather than The Fab Four. What can I say? The King is the king.

Don't get me wrong, however. There are zillions of Beatle songs that I absolutely love. Including zillions of their solo songs once the band broke up and branched out. I mean seriously... the minute I hear the opening chords of Paul McCartney's Jet, I get all psyched and as soon as it starts to move into the song itself, the rocking of the rhythm along with all the instruments has me up and dancing all over the place in seconds flat. I totally love it. And, I played the White Album and Sergeant Pepper a million times over while in college. As for Lennon... he's in a class all his own. But even Ringo and George had a few that I also loved. Which reminds me... did you SEE Ringo at the Grammy Awards? Oh man... he looked way too thin to me which then of course made me want to scream into the TV... GO EAT A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS IMMEDIATELY. But whatever.

In the meantime... 50 years ago today the entire country changed. THE BEATLES WERE IN NEW YORK! ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW! And boy did they ever make an impact. THE PEOPLE WERE SIMPLY CRAZED WITH HYSTERICAL DELIGHT. Don't even fucking ask.  I never saw such a thing. Ever. Not even when I mySELF saw them a week later in Miami Beach. February 16, 1964 to be exact. When I was 15 years old. It was THE hottest ticket in town, but I was not even CLOSE to the raving fanatical girls going absolutely crazy in the audience.

Granted... both Claudia and I loved the hottest Number One records of the Beatles at the time, but neither of us remember being so damn stricken with orgasmic delight as was everyone else in the crowd. It was more like: YIPPEE. ISN'T THIS A GREAT DEAL?? WE GET TO SEE THE BEATLES PERFORM LIVE! It was far from: OMG. I THINK I MAY TOTALLY DIE FROM THIS MOST EARTH SHATTERING, LIFE CHANGING EVENT EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Which I probably felt more of when first I saw Elvis, Elton John or Tina Turner in person. We must have been idiots I guess because we had no clue whatsoever we were basically viewing a MAJOR part of history. A subject which Claudia majored in college, btw.

In the meantime, here we are 50 years later and The Beatles are STILL the most amazing band ever. Their songs are STILL the most beloved of all. Paul and John are considered musical genius's and I can't think of a living human being that can't tell you their alltime favorite Beatles tune. Nor where they were when John was shot.

In fact some of my absolute happiest musical moments were when I was in my mid 20's, at a friends' house, TOTALLY blitzed, head phones on, stereo BLARING and listening to George Harrison and Leon Russell sing BEWARE OF DARKNESS in Bangladesh. I swear... I was so high that this song took me to an entirely different universe EVERY DAMN TIME. Which of course is why I repeated this exact scenario HUNdreds of time back in those days. I couldn't help it. The lyrics and rolling melody carried me away like nothing ever before. Bottom line: don't tell ME that drugs don't help create fantastic artists. Nor that they don't help listening to fantastic artists. It was a total win-win situation. 


Oh yeah... get this. The song for my first dance as Mr. and Mrs. at my wedding?? SOMETHING. Uh... Abbey Road for any of you unknowing Beatles fans out there. And with that... am off to watch the special which naturally I'm recording. No wonder. They are by far... the greatest band of all time. 

YOU GRILLIN'??

I totally loved Dr. Geltzer. He was great looking, knew his craft and DEFinitely helped me to look a hell of alot better. Uh...the huge gap between my two front teeth wasn't adding any too much to my school girl looks. Anyway, I must have known Dr. Geltzer for what? A good 4 years maybe?? I was nine when I first met him. And it was a big deal, too.

So who WAS Dr. Geltzer?? Why MY ORHTODONTIST, OF COURSE! He helped ALL us wide gapped, crooked and/or buck teethed kids by putting braces on our teeth and trust me... this was WAY before tongue rings and even grillz. Teeth grillz like you see there in the picture above. Had he dealt with kids wanting THIS sort of look... oh man... I am almost SURE he'd have flipped.

Which is too bad, for fast forward 55 years and boom. Here's what the world now looks like. TEETH GRILLZ! Omg... I am so sure that were I young once again, I'd be hightailing it over to Dr. Geltzer in no time flat, telling him: hook me up! Man. I mean seriously... diamonds on my teeth?? That would be the ULTIMATE bling if you ask me. And I'm not talking the sort that those in the hood would be sporting. Instead, I'm talking the sort that the today's celebs are sporting!

Case in point... you happened to have caught Madonna at the Grammys a couple of weeks ago? Oh man... she was grilling alright. As in: gold square grillz on her teeth. And her young kid who was with her wants them, too. I do have to admit however that I didn't like Madonna's choice of grill, but who cares what I think. The ones I DO like are kinda like the one up above. Can you even imagine??

Plus, I'm even thinking these grillz, if made and applied correctly, could probably do double duty as the retainers we used to wear on our teeth after our braces were removed. Retainers which if I remember correctly I lost twice and then had to have replaced. Now THAT would be one hell of a good looking retainer, if I say so myself. Pricey, granted, but who's counting.

In the meantime, you ever even HEARD of grillz before this? Turns out it's jewelry for your teeth that came from.. what else... the Hip Hop culture. You're welcome btw, for that tidbit of pop culture education. And like so much in fashion, the look originates from the baser types of trends seen on inner city streets. Totally opposite of haute couture, let's say. However... the influence of the street teens can easily been seen in high fashion. Uh... think: jeans purposely torn on the ass or knee caps. Started out almost as a ghetto fad and bingo. Next thing you know, someone's paying $200 for the look.


Anyway... I totally love the idea of really great looking grillz on my teeth. Even if only for 30 minutes, I'd still get a kick out of it. Naturally everyone I know would gag the minute they saw me, but who cares. I'm going with the celebs. 

7 HOURS AND COUNTING

Man. This is just so crazy. The day began with snow starting to fall at about 10 o'clock this morning. And it was kinda like a sprinkle kind of snow. The sort you wouldn't even imagine would stick. The flakes were like the babiest flakes I'd ever seen and I was sure this would totally be a non event. Although I must admit... the temp must have been about 31 degrees I'll bet.

Thus... I figured no problem. I can go do my errands and be in tip top shape. It was only for a couple hours, anyway. Turns out: big mistake on my part. NONE OF US KNEW WHAT WAS COMING UP NEXT.
In the meantime... I left my neighborhood and started traveling down the main roads and I was pretty much chipper as hell. The roads looked slightly wet, but nothing was REALLY sticking. Besides, I needed to get some things done and didn't want to be a wuzz. So... feeling pretty confident, out I went.

As it happens I'm having a dinner party here for 15 of us on Saturday night, so I wanted to pick up some decorative items before I headed over to my manicure and pedicure. I figured both errands were on my NEED TO DO LIST so why not give it the ole college try. Which I figured would be easy enough. Of course all the while... the tiny sprinkles of snow were continuing to come down but still, all seemed okay. Oh man. Little did I know.

I didn't even think there would be a problem when the loudspeaker in the store came on and said: OOPS. APPARENTLY ALL SCHOOLS WILL BE CLOSING AT 11 A.M. DUE TO WEATHER. I know... whoever thought I'd even be OUT AND ABOUT at 11!! Regardless, even THEN I figured no big deal for trust me... the second I hear of snow coming my way, I'M IN FOR THE DAY. Apparently except for today. Even better... I wasn't even SUPPOSED to get snow today. To my south, yes. To my north, yes. BUT NOT ME.

On top of all this btw, as if my day wasn't freaky enough, someone I know is having MAJOR MAJOR HORRIBLE all day surgery today so I just KNEW I had to keep busy to help keep my head on straight. But anyway... the bottom line here is easy. I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THE WEATHER BEING NO PROBLEM.

I was even looking outside the entire time my feet and hands were being done just to be sure all was okay. Even then I seriously didn't have much concern. And even when I went to my car... which you can see up above... and SAW THE SNOW BEGINNING TO ACCUMULATE ON THE TRUNK I STILL figured I'd have no problem. 

UNTIL THAT IS... I GOT ON THE MAIN DRAG TO COME HOME. Holy ba holy. 

First of all, the traffic on the highway was crawling. No wonder. Because second of all, there were police cars with flashing lights all over the place. As in: accidents galore. Third of all, I could see my original route was going to take forever given there WAS an accident in front of me. In no time at all... I turn around to go a completely other way. Fourth of all, the other way wasn't nearly as ice free as I'd imagined. It wasn't black ice per se, but this time WHITE ice. Uh... I'm thinking sleet maybe?

Fifth of all, by the time I got onto the secondary roads I then knew all wasn't going to be kosher after all. The snow has fallen steadily alllll this time since 10 and I could tell right off the bat... there had been no salting, no plowing, no nothing. NOW I was getting scared. And I was traveling at what? About 10 mph maybe?? Don't even f'ing ask.

Sixth of all, by the time I got on the road that would eventually bring me to my house I saw that it was ENTIRELY covered with this white ice stuff. And I don't even have four wheel drive! Even the cars traveling on the road weren't producing enough heat to keep the street at least just wet. Seventh of all, you should have SEEN what accumulating on my car. By now, btw?? Oh man... I was totally freaking although I must say, I was beginning to think that if I HAD to walk home from there, I probably could have made it afterall.

Okay. So the weather man lied to me. How do I know?? Because I DID get over a couple inches of snow so far. And here I am 7 hours later and it's STILL going to fall for several more hours yet! Jesus. Were the flakes the regular big, fluffy kind I'd so be looking at snow up to my knees. As it is... I'm ready to down Ativan as soon as I finish this entry. Talk about ignorance being bliss.

OMG. NEWS FLASH: AS WE SPEAK, THE CITY'S PLOW TRUCK JUST WENT RIGHT SMACK UP MY STREET!!! FOUR TIMES, EVEN. Talk about timing is everything!!! On the other hand... I can see already that the white ice and/or sleet is so going to be turning to black ice any moment now. Uh oh... new problem. I just looked up and the falling snow has practically RE-covered the entire plowed street all over again.


What a friggin' day.

POP QUIZZES

For weeks now, my kid has been telling me to download this new app... QUIZUP... to my iPad so we can play together. For weeks, I basically forgot the entire deal altogether. Until that is, last night.

Apparently you need an iPhone but even with an iPad you can download the phone version and bingo. It works perfectly. The app will be coming to Android soon enough but until then, I'm using my iPad. Anyway... last night I decided to take the plunge. I downloaded this game and what a surprise... after five minutes of playing... I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. Seriously. I am so the Queen of Addictions thus you can only imagine how long it took me to find that an hour's time passed in what felt like mere minutes. I was playing this game over and over and all I know is:  IT IS SO FANTASTIC I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.

You can either play with a friend or the app will find someone with whom you can play. Each game lasts for about 5 minutes and there isn't a trivia category you can name that it doesn't cover. Immediately I went to the British Royalty topic, one of over 400 topics in all. The Music category is great too. You can do Beatles, 50s, Showtunes, whatever. And... if you are like me... you can lose as many games as you win. I also tried the Fashion category btw and totally loved it.

Plus... when you sign on to the app for the first time, they ask for your full birth date. At first you think: Huh?? Why do they need THAT? Turns out... if you're not playing with a designated friend, the app will instead then team you up with someone about your own age so that in the end, you're not playing with a 12 year old. Excellent move in the development department. Plus, I suspect maybe your age also helps to not ask questions about things which you wouldn't be even remotely knowledgeable. Granted... there is plenty of room on this app for hacking your personal information but my take is: everyone in the world ALREADY has access to God knows what about me so why start worrying now? 

I also got to choose from pre-made avatars or I could select a pict from my own computer. Naturally I uploaded Queen Victoria as my picture and then decided to use Queen Linda as my game name. Boom. I was ready to go. Within seconds I was playing with people all over the country and/or world. We had to win as many points as possible for not only getting the correct answer but also for answering faster than your opponent. Which brings me to....


You know how damn smart I am about a zillion things in this world of ours? Well, here's a News Flash if ever there was: Apparently I'M NOT. Turns out the world is WAY smarter than I am. Damnit. Shocking, right?? I decided the person playing the Royalty topic with me btw, must have been cheating or WAS part of the Royal Family altogether. They knew too many hard questions and FAST too. On the other hand... I easily know as much as several other players and often times, more. But believe you me... it wasn't a slam dunk by any means. 

I also love knowing I'm not playing against teen aged idiots high on dope. Well wait... time out here. Now that I think of it... I could maybe find a new supplier thanks to QuizUp?? Hey. NOW we're talking.  

UH... NO. I'M NOT KIDDING.

For a couple of weeks now, I have been meaning to write about my pearls of wisdom regarding Chris Christie, who is definitely on a downward spiral. But once I saw this new exercise equipment?? Oh man. I had to make a 180 degree turn on that topic immediately and switch to this one lickety split. I mean seriously... THIS IS A WAY TO EXCERCISE?? Uh... apparently so. Many, I'm totally sure, just HAVE to be thinking: WHOA. WAY TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, ALRIGHT.

Naturally one look at this picture and I just HAD to email it to my core training instructor in seconds flat. Why? Because we use these excercise balls ALL the time! Well, wait. Hold on a second. Not THESE particular balls but we do use the non X rated version in lots of classes. For all kinds of exercises, too. As in: laying upon them while doing crunches. As in: laying flat on the floor, body all stretched out and lifting the ball from the floor with our knees to our hands. As in: sitting upon the ball and merely bounce. As in: also sitting upon them and throwing another small ball to our partners, all the while balancing on the big ball. 

BUT THESE BALLS?? THE ONES IN THE PICTURE UP THERE? Oh man. So never going to be used at a gym, I'm quite sure. And thank God for small favors, too. Plus... get a load of the colors used on this piece of equipment! Geez. Oh yeah... you can only imagine one liner I added to Ansley's email, btw. 

On the other hand, SOMEONE is going to use these balls and I guess they're going to be mighty happy after their workout session. Hence the title... No. I'm Not Kidding. Obviously there IS such a workout  item on the market nowadays. Which means: talk about blending the world of a satisfying work out session with the world of working out for a satisfying session. Now THERE'S a tag line if ever I've heard one.

In the meantime, I actually HAVE switched out my exercise program. Get this: I go to core training still, I do yoga still but now... in honor of the New Year... I am trading in two of my evenings of doing yoga for a couple of nights of instead... sitting down??... walking the Mall. Holy shit. MY HAIR IS FRIGGIN' TURNING BLUE AS WE SPEAK. AND I AM AGING AS FAST AS YOU CAN SAY 1-2-3. I am soooo freaked I am doing the old lady Mall walking bit BUT you can't blame me. I have to! IT'S BLOODY COLD OUTSIDE DURING THE EARLY EVENINGS RIGHT NOW.

Apparently five times around the baby Mall near me is equalivant to two miles. Which of course I'm still working on accomplishing. I'm only at the one mile mark so far, thus hopefully by the end of this week, I'll be at two and half, maybe three times around. Needless to say there was NO way I'd ever be doing this switch up at 9:00 in the morning, so this early evening bit is perfect. Plus... you should SEE all the other people walking as well! I was absolutely shocked to see these folks. Families even. I mean really... this walking bit is BIG. Go figure.


Which, after all the health benefits are factored in, is the total reason I'm doing this walking bit in the first place. To sorta help punch up my chubby like figure. The good news however is that should it NOT help my figure... well, at the very least... I get to have some extra time for great shopping sprees. Bottom line: Either way, I win!

LADY VICTORIA HERVEY

Man. Now THIS is a way to make an entrance to a party, alright. This is SOME dress. Or... what there is of it, anyway. I know. I know. I must be one of a dozen women on the planet who finds this dress one hell of a show stopper and believe you me... were I a young Hollywood knockout, I'd be prancing around in this dress in no time flat. Whoa. Totally sexy.

Anyway, as it happens... this lady isn't a Hollywood sort at all. She's a British socialite. Which of course endears me to the dress all the more. Can you iMAGine greeting the Queen wearing this?? OMG. Lizzie would flip out right then and there. On the other hand... Philip would shine like never before.

All I know is... THIS black dress?? Totally an eye catcher. A major jaw dropper. Uh... okay. Let's be honest. An out and out prick teaser. But to me, it can also be the ultimate flirt skirt and personally, I love the Game of the Tease. How much you want to bet in the end however... that this chick is merely shouting: you can look but you absolutely can't touch? Well wait. You're right. Any female sporting this look, DEFINITELY puts out. But I bet she's crappy in bed, so there's the payback, all you horny guys out there. Unless of course it turns out she's totally great, in which case shoot me now. SO not fair. 

On the other hand... I can't even IMAGINE what the justice system might think if... God forbid... a woman in this dress were ever the victim of rape. Granted NO OUTFIT justifies rape but geez. I'll bet a hell of a lot of deliberation is going to go down before a jury nonetheless renders a guilty verdict to the rapist. But by the same token how much you want to bet the judge also kinda reprimands the defendant by stating "Hey lady. Pushing the envelope while in public is one thing. It's quite another to wear nothing more THAN the envelope". 

Thankfully, I doubt however any woman wearing this pretend dress is going to be raped. Afterall... not too many in the social settings where you'd find this outfit are likely to find a man who can't control himself. Would he look?? ABSOLUTELY. Would he want to touch? PRETTY MUCH. Would he go home and fantasize up a storm? COUNT ON IT. But is Victoria thrilled she's teasing him?? Oh man. WITHOUT A DOUBT.


Which is why it takes guts to wear an outfit like this to a fancy ass party. Not to mention the need of a fanTASTic looking body. Guts I have. However... a smoking hot body I don't have. So basically... there goes any chance I'D EVER HAVE of wearing anything NEAR this sort of flirtatious come-on. Not so much for Victoria though. She's headed to a Golden Globes after party, if I read correctly.

And... if you ask me... while all the others earned their well deserved honors that night, I am totally sure the stars are all second best to the buzz that went down about this dress. Seriously. I think this look SO takes the award of the evening. Oh yeah... in case you didn't get enough of it... here are more picts over which to drool. I even threw in an extra shot from some other evening. Some closet this Lady must have, huh??

  

I SURVIVED THE VOTEX

And frankly, I don't even have some stupid little T-shirt to prove it.

Man... that was some crazy ass way to begin a New Year. I can't even beLIEVE how cold it was last week. I mean seriously... with wind chill factored in, my evenings were like -13 degrees. THAT'S NORMAL?? OMG. It was nuts.

In the meantime, I pretty much have to thank God that all I had to deal with were cold temps. Had God thrown snow and/or black ice into the mix, I'd have been ready for the loony farm in seconds flat. On the other hand, during each of the sub zero days, I was in fact able to get out and about to do what I had to, but whoa. You can be sure I hightailed it home lickety split. Talk about running from house to car to building, back to car and then to another building and back to car again and then finally... back to a nice and cozy home.

Speaking of hightailing it home... last night my next door neighbors arrived back home after being away for a couple of weeks. Which of course now means... I am so ready for the soap opera to begin. I'm thinking it won't be so pretty. I think I may have mentioned this before: the wife is well readied to move back to her home state to be near her parents, family and friends once again. I think they've been here for what? 4 years maybe?

Apparently as much as she keeps telling the hubby that moving back is what she wants, the more he keeps telling her sorry. Not going to happen. Which of course has made her miserable for at least over a year . But not as miserable as he's going to be once he finds out that she's moving back, with or without him. While he's away at work, I might add. Hence one day soon the hubby will basically come home only to find the wife is outta there. THEN maybe he'll reconsider her request, but if you ask me this has NC Family Court written all over it.

 The only other thing I can add for tonight is that I am SOOO damn happy the holidays are over so I can finally get back to a NORMAL WEEKDAY SCHEDULE. I get totally screwed up on what day is what and this week was my first chance to have every bit of my routine back in place. It just makes me shudder to no end to imagine how I'm going to possibly keep things straight in my f'ed up head when I'm like in my 80s. Already I see that my caretakers can surely tell me anything they want me to believe and I'll have no mental arsenal at ALL to offer an argument. I just have to pray I'm not so outta my mind that I wind up turning over my bank accounts and safety deposit boxes without batting an eyelash.


And don't for one minute think this can't happen. I am completely a candidate for extreme senior moments.