PINK... THE NEW NEUTRAL

When I was a little girl my Mother always dressed me in pink and my sister in blue. Especially if it was for special occasions. And frankly, I was pretty happy with those color choices. In fact, not until I became blonde and now silver, did I ever wear shades of blue. Thus pink was always a favorite of mine, and so it remains to this very day. Not hideous, garish shades of neon pink... but soft, pale, happy colored pink. Which reminds me...

Have any clue just how many shades of pink there actually are?? Oh man... so unbelievable. Case in point: you want flamingo, salmon, dusty rose, vintage pink, blush, bubblegum, fuchsia, raspberry or even cotton candy maybe?? And if that's not enough, this is a mere short list of the pinks from which you can choose! Seriously. There are hundreds of shades and most of them make me nauseous. I don't want a lavender pink. I don't want a peachy pink. I don't want a major saturated pink. I don't want a frilly, 11 year old girly pink. I just want a stunning soft, pale, sophisticated pink.

I found it in a pair of my shoes. I found it in several of my shirts. I found it in a favorite handbag. I even found it in a soft fur like infinity scarf that I love wearing around my neck to keep it nice and toasty with my winter coat . And then... OMG. I FOUND IT IN A COTTON/QUILTED BEDSPREAD. Don't even ASK. I am so delighted I cannot even tell you! You see it up above in the picture and I just couldn't be happier.

Talk about a total stroke of luck btw, since it was such a fluke that I even walked into the store to begin with. Of course there is a slight glitch I must admit; however I shan't let that stop me from being madly in love. Turns out the only matching shams they have, come in either standard or euro size and no matter how often I search online, I can't find the king sized. Damnit. However I can live with that since apparently I had to sew my own pair of matching shams, but no big deal. I was totally up for the challenge.

This is so going to be a banner year for me btw, given this pale pink is the color of the year. YIPPEE. IT'S ABOUT F'ING TIME is all I can say. Thus my many many thanks to Leatrice Eiseman, from the Pantone Color Institute, who selects the top color each year. Forget about emerald. Forget about orchid. And surely forget about tangerine... all past colors of the year, I might add; let alone 4 million other colors. FINALLY IT'S PALE PINK'S TURN. In fact, the official color is named ROSE QUARTZ but as if that's not enough... 

THIS year they couldn't even decide on just one color... SO THEY WENT WITH TWO!! The other being Serenity Blue but that color sucks in my book. It looks way too much like Wedgewood blue but who's counting. Pair up the pale pink with pale beige or even white sheets and a couple of upscale-y looking throw pillows and bingo. You've got a home run. 

Plus... this pink is also now considered a perfect neutral so as not to comPLETEly freak out men joining you in the bedroom... always a consideration if you ask me. I mean seriously. If Mamie Eisenhower could get Ike to live within HER floral pink bedroom and bathroom, then THIS color will be a breeze for men to live with, trust me. 

Well, as long he's sharing the room with a woman, that is. Otherwise I'd have to think twice about the guy. Just saying. Besides... men should have way more interest in other bedroom concerns than a highly sophisticated pink, if you catch my drift. On the other hand, switching out the pillow color is major easy to help the look more manly if need be. After all, pale pink coupled with a chocolate brown color is considered major stunning.  In the meantime...

I had gone out to dinner tonight and as soon as we were finished I hightailed it right smack over to my local fabric store to see what sort of choices I had for making matching shams and/or pillow cases. I had already ordered some sheets online, and am pretty psyched about them, too. Turns out the pillowcases and the sheets go perfectly with the bedspread am totally sitting pretty in pink. Oops. I mean sleeping.

BTW... don't come over to my house today. All this bedroom linens deal lit a fire under my ass and next thing you know, I went through all my entire linen closet, purging huge amounts of linens. Hence there are old pillow cases and sheets strewn all over my family room as we speak. Case in point: I never use a top sheet... merely my comforter, microfiber blanket, duvet cover or bedspread. 

Consequently I have about 6 or 7 top sheets I need to discard unless I first decide to make extra pillow cases out of them first. I've already cut apart 2 sets so whether or not I do the others will depend on just how lazy I am. Which has a better than good shot at being the end game, believe me. Regardless...

I'm so loving my pink quilted blanket. It makes me smile everytime I enter my bedroom. And yes... I do normally make my bed almost every day. I have to, given I love to get into a well made bed each night. As in: nice shower, nice night gown, nice inviting bed. Boom. I'm ready for lovely dreams. Which is pretty well timed if you ask me given Valentine's Day was just yesterday. Which naturally means: chocolates on the nightstand. It's kind of like a rule, right?


Anyway... just in case you're wondering... here are two pictures of me in pink. The first is at my brother's Bar Mitzvah. I know... don't ask. What totally ass holy little girls Claudia and I looked like. Trust me... we still cringe at what utter dorks we were back then. I was 8 and Claudia was 7. What can I say other than: barf. 

Regardless... the other picture is me as a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. Big difference, right? Talk about thank God for small favors. BTW... how much do I love the gloves!! I still do, to this day.

WHITE HAIR REVISITED

I do have to start off by saying I had a perfectly fine holiday season. I totally love when that happens. I also totally love that... lo and behold... I do pretty much think: mission accomplished! 

I had predicted that by New Year's day I'd have totally white hair. Well... it almost happened, as you can see up above. Case in point: I'm not really white like my Mom. Instead I'm silver. Another case in point... I have about another half inch to go on my longest side, before I can claim absolute victory. I'm not complaining however, given many folks have given the natural color a resounding thumbs up. Not that I necessarily listen to these folks mind you, since I myself know what I like best, I know what looks best and basically I know what best captures my personal fashion sense. Or lack of it, but who's counting.

Okay. So that's the first tidbit I have to say. The next one is that OMG. Winter arrived last weekend and it' f'ing freezing outside! Yesterday I thought I was living in the "Land of Lincoln" state of Illinois with temps like those in the "Green Mountain State" of Vermont. Combine these two places and bingo. IT'S COLD AS SHIT. Not that it's all bad btw, since it totally gives me a chance to wear my alltime favorite mink. 

The third tidbit I have to pass along is: I'm a total idiot. But it's not necessarily my fault since I really blame the keyless entry folks who made my car. For some reason they decided we didn't need actual keys to get into our cars anymore and consequently, we're basically scammed into thinking we turned our car off when in fact we didn't. 

Case in point: last week I went to meet up with a bunch of people for lunch and next thing you know, I find a great parking place, I gathered my coat and purse, got out of the car and then headed on in to the restaurant. I must have been inside for almost a couple of hours and when it was all over, I happily marched back to my car. Even as I approached it I was stymied cause I couldn't figure out why the hell my headlights were on. Huh? WTF?? How'd that happen? Why did it happen? What's going on here, anyway? 

Turns out: MY CAR WAS STILL RUNNING. The entire time I was having lunch no less!!! The keyless entry system in no way let me know that I hadn't turned off the ignintion! I don't think, anyway. Oh man. I can't even believe someone didn't hop right in and totally drive away. Don't even ask. So much for bullshit inventions, if you ask me. In any case...

The fourth tidbit I should mention is kind of interesting. I got out of the shower a couple nights ago and went to grab my beloved white bath robe since I'm always freezing when I step out. Oops. No robe on the hook. Apparently I completely forgot I had washed it and it was still in the dryer which naturally did me no good while hopping out of the shower. So I immediately headed to my closet and grabbed the red, heavy Japanese silk robe that belonged to my Dad and which I just couldn't ditch when he passed away. Talk about warm! I was in my toasty glory. 

Was even MORE in my glory however, when I put it on, tied the sash and then put my hand into one of the pockets. All of a sudden I'm feeling something and was STUNNED when I pulled my hand out only to find I was holding onto... sitting down??... a baggie with at least a half ounce of pot!! OMG. I have no idea where it came from! I laugh even now just thinking about it. Jesus. Can you even imagine?? All I can think of is that I must have hid it there years ago and totally forgot about it ever since. One hell of an after bath body splash is all I can say. Use the splash. Boom. You're mighty trashed.

Which kind of brings me back to my silver hair. Which btw, someone at the vitamin store complimented me on yesterday. Although they used the term platinum to describe it's color. As in: the silver metal. But whatever. My problem now is that while yes, I am almost totally silver... according to my bathroom lights above the sinks... I'm still blonde!! Damnit. The bulbs seem to cast this yellow light upon my hair and after all this time trying to go natural, it pisses me off but plenty. I not only want my silver hair but I also want to SEE my silver hair. Which actually I can do if I take a mere 10 steps to my bedroom's long view mirror. Yippee. No yellow casting light bulbs. 

As a side issue btw, my next project just may be to let my hair grow to chin length so I can once again pull my hair back into a chignon. THAT project however is going to take another freakin' year and I can't imagine my being able to commit to it as of yet.  On the other hand... if I begin now... by NEXT New Years, I will be sporting scrunchies up the kazoo once again. Do they even come in a silver color? Hmmmm. Should I or shouldn't? Anyway...

In closing let me just show you two picts I came across on the internet which turned out to be as good as any to begin my 2016 with a chuckle. Check them out and see if you too, get a kick out them. I just love when my funny bone is tickled and believe you me... these did it a heartbeat. And oh yeah... DEAR GOD: PLEASE LET ME WIN $900 MILLION. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.

Japanese Sale Signs

Wntd: Women and Beer

HAHAHAHAHA. What a guy, right? Besides... I see that at the last minute, he decided to add in the whip. He does however, get points for excellent handwriting. 

YAY! IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Lucky you. Today you get to see a video of me. I know. No great thrill but several of my newer readers this past year have asked to see what I look and/or sound like. Boom. Here you have it: HOLIDAY MESSAGE  Those viewing via computer btw... should have no problem. Those viewing via mobile device... it's apparently hit or miss. 

Happy Holiday Season to all... I hope it's safe and filled with joy.

I myself have some excellent celebrations lined up and I hope you do as well. Am headed out soon for Part II of fun for today and will enjoy Part III and IV tomorrow. Thank you all for reading along with me of my ranting and raving throughout the past year. I've been pretty much thrilled to have been Living as Linda... life is good. I'm also totally thrilled to be able to document it all via this blog. Well... most of it, anyway. 

2016 is but around the corner! Gulp.

   

WATERCOLORS

Recently I was invited to a most wonderful party. I was only told that it was going to be at one of the local art galleries and that I should wear casual, comfy clothing. What we were going to do there, I had no clue. But... I was pretty psyched about it. Well... other than the time, that is. 

Get this. I had to be there at 10:00 in the morning! Oh man. Talk about a challenge, alright. When RSVPing by the way ... I did ask UH... THERE WILL BE DANISH SERVED?? DOUGHNUTS?? SOMEthing?? I mean seriously. How I'd function at that hour without something sweet to begin my day was a whole other challenge. Sad to say... only coffee was served but on the other hand, several of us did go to the nearby Mexican restaurant for lunch right smack afterwards so not ALL was lost.

Okay... in the meantime...12 of us show up at the gallery which had all kinds wonderful art, I might add. Right smack in the middle of the gallery was a long table, all set up with different painting supplies and bingo. Turns out we were all going to have a lesson in painting with watercolors!! Soooo up my alley. I was so excited. Granted... none of us were artists. Nor had any of us ever done art in this medium ever before but it bothered us not. It was a totally cool activity.

We were each given two pieces of art paper thus we could make two paintings in total. Don't ask. The teacher, Miriam, was fantastic and she quickly told us a few tips for creating our art work. Then whammo. 

We were to begin, creating any sort of painting our little hearts desired. Many of my friends were totally excellent at this. I was not quite as excellent, as you can see in the picture up above. But too bad, for tada.... IT WAS MY FIRST WATER COLOR PAINTING EVER. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It may not be a masterpiece but I don't care. I love this first attempt, regardless. I loved it so much actually, that as soon as this first one was done, I moved right on in to my second attempt. I love that one even more. Here.... see for yourself.

Gladiolas

Not stupendous, but could totally be worse, right?? Anyway...

I have always loved watercolor artwork. I love the movement and smoothness it shows and to me, it's AMAZING what artists can do with this technique. In fact... the huge picture of me hanging in my family room is a somewhat nod to this artistic  approach. Regardless, I just can't tell you what a great morning this was. In fact ALL of us thought it was great. And all of us did some really good painting. Most way better than mine but who's counting.

So after our painting class and after our Mexican luncheon, how long you think it took me to race to my local art supply store to buy all the brushes and paints and paper I would need to paint with water colors AT HOME?? Trust me... no time at all. I zipped into the store, bought my supplies and bingo. I was ready to paint up the kazoo while sitting at my dining room table each evening. 

Talk about beginners luck by the way. No painting that first evening was even close to what I created that morning. I just couldn't figure out what the subject of a painting should even be... let alone which method of coloring I wanted to use. It didn't matter though for I was just practicing and eventually, a few nights later, I came up with something sort of acceptable. Of course I also came up with some that went directly into the garbage, but what the hell. I totally loved playing.

Maybe the reason I loved it so was due to the fact that it's been so long since I've actually painted. Despite the fact that I always have zillions of acrylic paint tubes as a staple in my craft closet. I usually have a few canvas' on hand too, just in case the urge to create comes over me. Kinda like having chocolate somewhere in the house. Just in case you develop a major craving. But whatever. In the meantime, it was totally time for me to play with paints once again and these watercolor tubes were just the ticket.

Actually... this is just the sort of ticket that would be PERfect for keeping me from going crazy while stuck in the house during a big snowfall. Slight glitch however. THERE IS NO F'ING WINTER THIS YEAR! Hence not one single drop of snow yet, whatsoever. Seriously. Ever since Thanksgiving the daytime temps have pretty much averaged in the mid 60s. It's like Spring arrived 6 months early. Totally crazy! 

Plus... as I've mentioned before... any hopes I had for wearing my alltime favorite mink coat is apparently down the drain for sure. Granted... this weekend the highs will be in the mid forties but boom. By Monday it'll be right smack back up to the 50s again. Huh? WTF? Regardless, all I know is that painting with watercolors is major fun. Obviously I can't say my paintings have been major successful, but then again, who the hell cares. 

Besides... were I ever so inclined... which I'm NOT... to create a personal gallery of my watercolors here at home, down below are a bunch of my first attempts. I call them: THE FLORAL COLLECTION. Could also easily be called: THE BULLSHIT COLLECTION. Take your pick. Yeah, they suck but... it's still a great way to kill a couple of hours each day. Let alone allow you to get your creative freak on. Take a look and oh yeah... don't be afraid to start the bidding. 

The Forest 

Red Vase

Hydrangeas

Mums

I NEED A LADDER

I try to rarely climb up a ladder. No need to hit the emergency room when I slip and fall right smack on my ass or something. Besides, I'm afraid of heights. The closest thing I come to being on a ladder is when I need to change the time on the clock each Spring and Autumn. The clock is in my family room, on the wall, up above my TV, so I totally can't reach it without my step stool. And that's about as high as I ever want to be. 

Now however, I'm considering a ladder. Not for the clock. Instead... for my new bed. You see it up there in the picture. Granted, it's not my bedroom, but it's the same bed nevertheless.

Turns out, according to the Laws of Bedroom Mattresses, you should totally buy a new bed/mattress about every 10 years. I won't even go into the reasoning, for it creeps me out totally. Just take my word for it. Anyway... I am soooo embarrassed to admit it, but I've had my bed for wayyyy past 10 years. Sitting down? Have a strong drink in hand? Ready for the admission??

I've had my bed for 30 years!!! I KNOW. IT'S HORRIBLE, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I love my bed almost more than any other piece of furniture in my entire house. To me... it offers the best night's sleep EVER. It's nice and firm. And it' so damn comfy, you wouldn't believe it. Besides... it affords me my alltime favorite hobby: sleeping. So... given the scary amount of time I've loved my original bed, for the past two years I've kinda been on the lookout for a new bed. And guess what?

I FINALLY FOUND IT.

And I couldn't be happier! Thank God for small favors is all I can say. I decided, btw, this is the bed I hope I'll be in when I kick the bucket, although I totally think it will be creepy when I do see Heaven and my kid will maybe move right in and then HE will be in the bed, instead of me. Trust me... there is no way I'd have EVER slept in the same bed my parents may have been in when they said their final adios. But whatever. In the meantime... 

I am completely stoked over this new bed. Am also stoked over the sale pricing, too. It's a specially made bed, one that can't be found in retail stores and is the same bed used in many five star hotels. Hotels that need to make SURE they supply excellent sleep for all kinds of people and/or sizes, who pay zillions of bucks for their nightly room. The bed is what they call for "commercial" use. Hence, it's top of the line, lasts for years and years, has a fantastic box spring, head to toe coils, won't sink in the middle nor on the sides, and has a mattress that is made with 21st century materials for sheer comfort. It's a total winner. Plus... because it's made to order, it hasn't been sitting is some disgusting showroom or warehouse for months. And best of all... IT'S NOW MINE.

It arrived Tuesday afternoon. And btw... when this delivery company says they'll be there at 3:00, THEY'LL BE THERE AT 3:00. Like on the DOT.

It just so happened that Claudia was here when the men arrived and took out my old bed and brought in the new. Meaning: no sooner had I closed the doors on the delivery guys than I made Claudia run to my bedroom to do a test run with me. Bingo. We stared at the bed, felt all the fabric, checked out the features, etc. and then lickety split, we plopped right smack down upon it. WE ALMOST NEVER GOT UP. It was stupendous, is all I can say. And... I hadn't even put the sheets on it yet, either. As if that wasn't enough...

We then opened the $15 million dollar mattress topper I had gotten from Bed, Bath, Beyond in honor of my new bed's expected arrival. Talk about a racket, but it doesn't matter. It's pretty much worth it. Or so I thought. It also raised the height of the bed to exactly where the my bellybutton is. Meaning... I'd never have to bend over to make my bed ever again. Well... I mean when Teresa makes it, but whatever. 

THE BED WAS SO TALL FROM THIS MATTRESS TOPPER, I PRACTICALLY NEEDED A LADDER TO GET INTO IT. It was crazy. My feet didn't even reach the floor when sitting on the side! As opposed to any guy 6 and a half feet tall who would so be in his glory! I literally had to slide off the bed until my feet hit the ground. Talk about feeling on top of the world. I kept thinking about the Princess and the Pea... she'd NEVER feel the pea at this rate. She'd squish it just trying to get out of the bed. Anyway...

It matters not for after I finally made my bed that evening and yet again did a test run for blissful sleep, I imMEDiately had to take off the multimillion dollar topper given it not only was an additional 4 inches high, but ABSOLUTELY made my bed look five times larger than all the other furniture in the entire room, put together. Talk about easy come, easy go. So back to the store goes the topper deal. However... now with the just the bed as is, things look far better proportioned in the room and I'm so telling you... I expect sheer visions of sugar plums to be dancing all inside my head when I hit the sack tonight. Plus thankfully when I wake up tomorrow, my feet will dangle only five inches from the ground rather than nine.


And speaking of thankful... I hope everyone had a most wonderful Thanksgiving celebration. Not only did I love my feast and festivities but I am totally thankful for my bed which by the way works out pretty well given every morning since it's arrival, I've awoken anywhere between 10:30 and 11:00. Now THAT'S what I call a great night's sleep. Besides this new box spring and mattress deal? Gives a whole new meaning to: climbing into bed. 

WOMEN WHO LUNCH

You know these women? Well neither do I. Well, not completely, anyway. After years of seeing them while enjoying my lunch, I finally learned their names. And that's pretty much about it. Except that they are also sisters. 

Turns out Delores and Mary Ann lunch at the country club just like I do. And while I am often with my own sister when I see them, I am often with alot of different friends of mine, too. Like I was yesterday when Betsy and I were there. Not surprisingly, so were Delores and Mary Ann.

A couple weeks ago, I even stopped by their table to chat a moment and one thing led to another and somehow I mentioned that I had a blog. Naturally I had Delores give me her email address so I could pass the blog site on to her, warning her that there are in fact times I may get a little racy in my speech... so if that's a problem... then for sure she'd have to pass on it. Being brave however, Delores was up for the challenge.

Anyway... I do have to say these women appear to be two of the sweetest ladies you'd ever want to meet. Always smiling. Always talkative. Always polite. And always enjoying their lunch. Kinda like me, actually, but ten to one... they are way sweeter than I. But who's counting, right?

I have no clue what the three of us have in common other than we love dining at the country club but it matters not. For if you get a chance to chit chat a bit with these sisters, you're guaranteed to have a happy, lively conversation. In fact at yesterday's lunch Betsy was telling me about the neighbors who live above her and how EVERY SINGLE Sunday morning, like clockwork, the people have sex. Which normally would be of no interest to Betsy except for the fact that she can hear each and every moan of these two lovebirds, as well as the banging of their headboard. No pun included. 

Needless to say... this sort of conversation was totally up my alley and I was laughing right smack out loud. Picturing Betsy having to endure this every week simply had me in stitches. And, given the age of the couple, we were trying to imagine exactly which med the hubby must be taking to perform so consistently week in and week out. I myself came up with the theory they must be engaging in oral sex, but Betsy shot down that theory, given the headboard banging bit. Whatever. In the meantime...

I was laughing so much, Delores eventually asked from across the room... what's so funny over there? I must have said something like: Betsy is telling me about her neighbors, alluding to the fact they are "noisy", if you catch my drift. Which I think I'll tell Delores and Mary Ann all about when next I see them. Why hold back on such juicy news, is my thought. Unless of course they KNOW these people, in which case I'll be mighty embarrassed. Maybe.

Anyway... as I said, these two women are so very sweet and probably very kind. Which points to the reason I love my little town so much. You can meet wonderful people all over the place. Everyone is just so happy to be living here. Besides... it's autumn, so who WOULDN'T be madly in love with living here? Oh yeah... tomorrow night... low will be 30 degrees. Yet another reason to be tickled pink. 

Regardless... I think I'll have to make it my business to join Delores and her sister at their table one day for lunch, so I can learn more about them. I'm already planning on a great fabrication all about me, so that my life story can match up to theirs. Case in point: I think maybe I'll fictiously become the personal wardrobe advisor to Heidi Klum. Or maybe the pop culture advisor to Bernie Sanders. Then I'll REALLY have a great bio to lay upon the two sisters and they'll think I'm pretty famous, etc. For... were I to tell them my real life story... they'd be totally bored. And who could blame them?

Regardless, when I decided I was going to blog about these two women, I knew I'd need a picture of them. So last week I pulled out my camera and went running over to their table to grab a shot. "Huh? Why in the world do you want to take a picture of us?" I quickly made up some excuse so this entry could be a surprise to them; an excuse I can't even remember now, but am pretty sure it was lame as hell. In the meantime, boom. There you have it, up above. Delores is in white. Mary Ann is in blue. Don't they look like the kindest sort of people you'd ever see? And, they're funny. Bingo. My kind of women.

So here's to sisters. I can't wait for them to read this blog entry and be totally shocked they made the cut. HI MARY ANN AND DELORES. WILL PROBABLY SEE YOU AT LUNCH NEXT THURSDAY. HOPE ALL IS HAPPY AND WILL GRILL YOU ON THIS ENTRY AFTER OF COURSE, I'VE HIT THE BUFFET. BYE FOR NOW.

And speaking of the buffet... totally my alltime favorite place for lunch.   




  

50 YEARS LATER

For those of you who feel a little lonely, adore the good ole days, want to be in touch with zillions of people or just like being inundated with 7000 emails a week, I have the perfect solution for you. Go to the web site for your 50th high school reunion and bingo. You'll never again have to worry about connecting with others. Oh my God. It's crazy!

I graduated high school in 1966. I know. I'm old. But regardless... I was in a graduating class with over 1000 kids. And those were only the seniors. Although at the time, I do have to say: I never felt lost in a crowd of maybe 3000. Obviously I didn't know every student, but somehow I never felt overwhelmed. Back then I probably recognized everyone I passed walking down the school hallways every day, but naturally now, I have no clue who half the people on the class list are. On the other hand.. the other 500 people are names I sort of recognize and then of course... there are the many people who I totally recognize and/or knew personally. That's the best part, btw. Reconnecting with those who were in your particular crowd.

From the pictures many of us have uploaded, I do have to say that the women seem much more recognizable to me than the men. And many of the pictures totally look like people I've never seen before in my entire life. At that point I have to check out the names attached to the shots, and sometimes even then they look like total strangers. No wonder. It's 50 years later! Talk about a total lifetime ago.

The most shocking part is the IN MEMORY section where you see all my classmates who have passed away. In a list of about 100, two were very close to me until the day they died. Several others were merely those with whom I was friendly in school. It's just totally freaky going down the name list, noting they are gone forever. It makes you feel so grateful that you're still around, still feeling pretty decent, still looking relatively damn good given our age and still able to enjoy life regardless of whether or not you're attending the reunion. Anyway...

I do get a kick out of seeing what so many of us look like 50 years later. It totally brings back memories of all the girls for instance, with whom I was friends since I was in first grade. I  played with so many of them, spent the nights with them, bicycled to their houses and even remember their siblings and parents. Whether or not they necessarily remember ME, I have no clue but it matters not for in reality, I had a perfectly wonderful childhood and youth.

To imagine that 50 years have gone by since high school can be somewhat startling. I must have lived two more lives since then. I graduated college. I married twice. I raised children. I taught. I went through the sex, drugs and rock and roll phase. And then... bingo. Next thing you know, I'm a retired old lady. Meaning I'm totally into the last years of my life. I have no major terminal illness, thank God, but trust me. At this point things only go down hill no matter what state of health you're in. Oh. And by the way...

If you think attending a reunion is inexpensive, think again. I believe the all the festivities run at least $200, if not more. And that doesn't even include hotel, transportation, etc. Hmmm... which means do I want to actually lay out a minimum of $600 see all these people? Regardless, as I said in the beginning, what REALLY blows my mind above all else are the zillions of emails you get for this event.

The first week was pretty interesting. It kind of took you back in time and started you thinking all about your high school days. Which were pretty wonderful for me, I'm happy to say. Even week two of all these emails was kinda fun. But NOW?? Six months later?? Oh my God. Don't even ask. Plus... we still have six months yet to go! This constant contact so takes over your entire inbox. Plus, there's a whole Facebook page so basically... if ever you need to relive your high school experiences because the first time around sucked, then you're so in luck.

You have a perfectly fine chance to relive it all over again with the possibility of making it way better. I do have admit however, that I get a real kick out of viewing all the pictures of everyone. There are so many that look almost the same but then again, there are PLENty who look nothing like themselves at the age of 18. Me, for instance. Here you see me at 17. And then you see me at 67. Big difference, right?

When I think back to high school, I pretty much have only happy memories. Of course it didn't hurt that I met the first love of my life with whom I went steady for about a year and half. In high school terms that's like what? 9 years maybe? Man, were we in love. If you could see the love letters, cards, etc. you'd totally flip. Oh yeah... and by the way, I graduated high school a virgin, no less. I had no clue you could even do otherwise. Naturally I perfected all the other aspects of sexual young love, but still... apparently going to college as a virgin was the only choice of which I knew. In any case... 

Not only did I find my first love in high school, but I also found Linda, my very dearest girlfriend for the rest of my life. In fact, we decided to go to college together and bingo. We were roommates. We were at each other's Sweet Sixteen luncheons, weddings, family gatherings, religious celebrations, etc. etc. Until finally.... absolutely brokenhearted... I gave a eulogy at Linda's funeral several years ago. She was the most wonderful friend ever. Anyway...

Believe it or not... I have no clue yet whether or not I'll attend my reunion. One part of me says yes, the other part says who the hell cares? I'll tell you one thing however... if they keep up this daily delivery of hordes of emails, I just may have to shoot myself way before next April in which case problem solved. 

In the meantime, if you were not able to attend my high school I feel major sorry for you. It was a fantastic school in a fantastic city, with fantastic students. Life was happy and easy 50 years ago and the biggest problem was making sure you could find a parking place given so many of us had our own cars. Well, that and being sure you aced your pop quizzes. Which reminds me... my favorite classes in high school were Spanish 2, 3 and 4. Trust me... by the time I graduated I was this far from being totally bi-lingual.

MOTHER NATURE SINGS

Boo Hoo. Too bad for you.
Tee Hee. Yippee for me.

Oh man... how anyone could not want to live near me is simply unimaginable. Can you beLIEVE this is exactly what I see right smack from my bed when wake up each and every morning??? OMG is all I can say. It is just sooooo beautiful right now you almost have to get down on your knees and say a prayer every day, thanking God for living among the most stunning leaf coloration ever. It takes my breath away each and every year. And THIS year is simply magnificent. 

It also ALmost keeps me from staying on the road as I'm driving down the streets, given all I want to do is stare at the trees all over the city. I mean: like how much better can it possibly get that while you're out and about doing really crappy errands or whatever yet all you see is an amazing blue sky and trees of all colors. Brilliant red, orange and yellow. It's mind blowing is all I can say. Nature's paradise, for sure. I feel badly for those of you who have no idea of what I'm speaking. Let alone who cannot enjoy such beauty on a daily basis. Don't even get me STARTED on the fantastic cool temperatures, either.

Throughout the 13 years I've been living up here, I have taken hundreds of pictures of the autumn trees and/or leaves. I can't help it... it just never ceases to amaze me. Nor can I ever get enough. Even the really really cloudy days are stunning. I think I have one more time for my lawn man to come mow my yard before his break until Spring thus it's usually my clue to go get my annual pumpkins. I love having them on my doorstep outside my front door sort of as a homage to this favorite season of mine. Plus... because of the brisk weather... the pumpkins can easily last for a good six weeks.

Which reminds me by the way: for those of you keeping count, I am proud to say that I still have a good amount of pumpkin pie still left in my refrigerator which means I went way beyond my fear of downing it all before three days' time. Whew. I'm not a gluttonous freak afterall. I think I've had the pie for over a week so far, and I bet there is still about a quarter of it left. Thank God for small favors. Besides... pumpkin pie has fewer calories than lots of others, which is just the sort of news I love to hear. Anyway...

Mother Nature is indeed a powerful woman with powerful songs, alright. Uh... just think of the recent rains in Columbia, S.C. which by the way was but 2 hours away from me. Man... that was totally CRAzy. But while indeed, Mother N does do dramatic damage in all sorts of ways, all over the globe, what she provides in Autumn almost makes up for it all, in one fell swoop. What you see in the picture up above is THE exact reason I left South Florida and have never ever looked back. Plus... the temp outside right now is a fantastic 51 degrees. You just can't get better than that. Of course later this week it will go up to 65 for the high and that too, is meteorological magic.

The fact I can have my windows and doors opened all day long, having hard core fresh air dance throughout my house for a good 8 months of the year just makes me soooo very happy. For as you know... every summer I want to slit my wrists, enduring the heat and having the A.C. on 24/7. Which makes me think about all those hotel rooms that have windows which don't even ALLOW for opening, and how it is nothing short of sheer madness. Why anyone would want to block such a treat is beyond me. I totally can't stay at such a site. Gives a whole new meaning to: throwing your money out the window for being cheated except in this case, you literally CAN'T throw it out even if you wanted to. 


In the meantime, tonight was the first night that I wore my heavy winter coat. Not my mink coat, mind you but still... a heavy coat. 51 degrees afterall, is nothing to take lightly. So there you have it. I get to enjoy this stunning beauty and unfortunately many of you can not. And btw... even when it's 18 degrees outside during winter... I still wouldn't change where I live. Not for a million dollars. Well. Wait a minute. Then and only then would I ever reconsider. Afterall, I'm not a comPLETE idiot. But... don't be surprised if I stay put, regardless.

NEWEST CRAVINGS

So it's goodbye to my addiction to everything beef, seared scallops, tilapia fillets, frozen corn, etc. etc. This past summer was hello to my newer daily obsession of shrimp salad day and night, along with fresh cut up fruit. The kind the store cuts up, not me. Am way too lazy.

Then about late August I began to get a major craving for pie. In particular... pumpkin pie. Which by the way, was absolutely no where to be bought in the entire city.

Apparently the stores consider this a seasonal food thus not even September had pumpkin pies. Not Sam's. Not Fresh Market. Not my regular grocery stores, bakeries and not even WalMart which yes, I did indeed check. Granted, I could have made my OWN pumpkin pie, but why bother. I guess I could have even bought a frozen one, but I wasn't into that either. I wanted a REAL hard core baked pumpkin pie from a store and/or bakery. 

Enter: October.

Thank God for a million reasons, that Autumn is here. The days are stunning and the weather is even more stunning. It was 32 degrees when I woke up this morning, but that was brief and as we speak it's a delicious 65  outside. Then of course, there's the coloration of the leaves, but I will admit it hasn't totally kicked in yet, like it's supposed to. However... who cares given guess what. PUMPKIN PIES HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED.

I am soooo thrilled I can't even tell you! And... when I was in the bakery department of Fresh Market last evening, the lady said: Your lucky day! I just took out a freshly baked pie just 30 minutes ago!! Which is what you see in the picture up above. SOOO DELICIOUS. And HUGE. And oh yeah... as you can see... I just can't stop eating it!! I'm obsessed with it and am simply tickled pink about it, too. My jones'n is finally being quenched! Hallelujah!

The pie got to my house approximately 7:00 last night. 

IMMEDIATELY I took three bites. Then I did my yoga workout and boom. Three more bites. Then midnight. Yep... 3 bites yet again. Woke up this morning... bites for breakfast. And, the tastings have not stopped yet. Frankly, I am in utter FEAR that in a 24 time span I will have eaten more than half the pie ALL BY MYSELF. And trust me... I could easily eat SO much more if I didn't think my Mother would yell at me. Which of course she can't but regardless, I can hear her in my head nonetheless. WHO THE FUCK EATS A WHOLE PIE ALL BY THEMSELVES?? WHO THE HELL DOES THAT? Uh... unfortunately, maybe me. 

DEAR GOD... PLEASE LET IT TAKE ME AT LEAST THREE DAYS TO POLISH OFF THIS PUMPKIN PIE ALL BY MYSELF. I SO DON'T WANT TO BE A BIG FAT PIG, STUFFING THIS INTO MY MOUTH IN RECORD TIME. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.

And by the way... another craving I've been od-ing on for over a month now is Chicken Pot Pie. A food I haven't eaten in 35 years!! But I went to a restaurant a while back and on it's menu was a picture of this fanTAStic looking item... a pot pie. My mouth began watering immediately! I had originally wanted the huge cobb salad yet the pot pie nagged at me uncontrollably. I caved. I ORDERED BOTH DINNERS. I figured big f'ing deal. I'll eat half of each at the restaurant and take the rest home. Excellent decision on my part, I must say. Plus... I've had Chicken Pot Pie three times since! Calories much??

I don't know why I get on all these rolls where I need to binge eat one particular food at a time, but I must admit, it seems to work out just fine for me. It's like I get the craving, I give into it for a month at a time, let's say and then whammo. I'm ready for the next culinary delight to kick in. I'm heavy into hotdogs now, too. I was at the country club for lunch yesterday and even there, I ordered one for lunch. It totally wasn't a Hebrew National, but it mattered not. I downed it with true gusto.

So all I can say is... how long this pumpkin pie will last, God only knows. But I can tell you one thing for sure... this is so not the last one I'm going to buy. I figured I'll be plenty tired of it so that by Thanksgiving, yippee. I'll eagerly be thrilled to binge on delicious pecan pie in its stead! Another great epicurean delight if ever there was. As opposed to sweet potato pie which btw, would never touch my lips in a million years. A total rip off in the pie category, if you ask me. 

Oh yeah... and in closing... in a little while I'm headed out to dinner with a friend tonight and get this... we're going for what else... a PIZZA pie. Apparently I'm an equal opportunity kind of girl when it comes to food being round and can be cut into pieces. Man, I love food. 

T MINUS TEN

Oh boy. This so can't be good. Especially if anything happens within the next ten days. EEKS. So what's this countdown all about? Oh man. Sitting down? Well... hold on. Let me explain this as it happened. Then you can sit. 

So I'm on the phone with Barbara earlier this evening, chit chatting about all kinds of crap. As I'm speaking to her... I like keep scratching my waist, which I happen to see is pretty red. Almost like the sort of rash I used to get when I'd get hives many years ago. Whenever I got unnerved, it wouldn't be unusual for me to get hives but bingo. I'd then take some medicine and all my skin woes would settle down. However... 

Sometime during the phone conversation tonight, I happened to mention that the right side of my waist was all kinda red and itchy but unlike when I'd get hives, there were no raised welts developing. It was then that Barbara sort of mentioned... Oh yeah. Maybe you've got shingles. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

WHAT?? SHINGLES?? ME?? TOTALLY NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANT! DON'T EVEN BREATHE THE THOUGHT. LET ALONE SAY THE WORDS OUT LOUD. So then I got to thinking....

My scalp has been very tender to the touch of my hairbrush the past two days. Plus it kind of stung it a few places. Yesterday I was also pretty tender and itchy behind my ears. Then of course was this evening's waist redness. OH. MY. GOD. Say it ain't so!! Shoot me now!

I couldn't think of anything to which I may have been allergic recently, so this shingles thought was still in my head as I showered tonight, trying not to think about it. But SOMEthing was amiss, since I just couldn't figure out why all these little signs were popping up in the past 36 hours. Like: WTF was going on, anyway? THEN of course...

I remembered how everyone always says: the sooner you catch the symptoms of shingles, the way better off you are. Which got me to thinking even more. As in: if I DO have shingles then guess what. I'll be way better off if I head my ass outta here and get a diagnosis lickety split. The sooner you begin treatment, supposedly the less you'll feel the effects. 

Enter: Hello emergency room. Which is exactly where I headed about 9:30 this evening. I totally didn't want to close out my window of opportunity regarding catching this condition before the pain got really bad and I'd want to slit my wrists altogether. Kinda like: nothing lost, plenty to gain. Sooo... bingo.

I got to the ER and God must have looking down upon me or something because I do have to say... things looked pretty quiet there tonight. Plus... I'll bet I wasn't in my examining room more than 15 before the doctor came in, examined the redness around my waist, checked my scalp, etc. etc and then told me: Well.... true we don't see any blistering yet but things do look suspicious enough for me to give you two prescriptions to be filled tomorrow. And btw, I'm giving you 60 mg of Prednisone to take right now. WHOA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? HOLY MOTHER F-ING SMOKES.

The Prednisone script will act as a corticosteroid and the other script will be an antiviral medicine. All I know is I pray the meds work so that if I DO have shingles, things will be way milder than if I didn't have them. And yes... there is a chance things could become a bit worse pain wise, but frankly... getting this jump start on all this was probably the smartest thing I've done in WEEKS. 

I do have to say btw.... within a half hour of taking the first dose of Prednisone, the itchiness and waist rash is way better than it's been all night long. YIPPEE. Maybe I'll have a  really mild case afterall. If indeed I do have shingles. And yes... I did have the shingles vaccine several years ago, so again, maybe that will help, also. 

DEAR GOD... PLEASE DON'T LET ME HAVE SHINGLES AND IF I DO, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SUFFER WITH THE SORT OF PAIN THAT SO MANY PEOPLE SAY MAKES THEM WANT TO DIE RIGHT SMACK ON THE SPOT. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN. 

Afterall, I know plenty of people who've had this virus and it was absolutely no walk in park, whatsoever. In fact, many have said it was THE worst pain they've ever felt. And trust me... I HATE pain.

So basically... here I am, counting the hours before I can head out to fill the prescriptions tomorrow. AND according to the ER doctor... if pain actually does become really severe, I have to go to my internist and get hard core pain pills. Not that I don't already have some, but what the hell. Can never have too many in your Personal At Home Drug Store. In fact... according to the Linda School of Discomfort, why even wait for pain to kick in? Why not get a jump start on it immediately! This is a perfect case of: being prepared is being spared.

In the meantime, I'll head to bed tonight SO happy I made the decision to get an early start on a possible major problem. I can't wait to see what sort of condition I'll be in when I wake up tomorrow morning. Please keep your fingers crossed I turn out to be okay because I'm so telling you... if this does turn out to be a crappy case of shingles, I will NOT be happy. 

And if I'm not happy... then by all means... feel free to send me plenty of presents please, to naturally cheer me up. Thanks. For God knows I'll need it.    


  

BEN

Don't even get me STARTED on this character, Ben Carson. I so hate him, it's ridiculous. Which is something I alluded to in my last posting. How he ever became second in the Republican polls is beYOND me. Even as a top notch surgeon, I'm not even sure I'd be able to handle him given he speaks as if he's been on downers for YEARS. Add to that the simply ludicrous things he says and boom. You have a total idiot at your finger tips. 

Naturally, I can't get past his creationism, especially since he is a scientist of sorts. Must have been SOME college science course he took, alright. Secondly... really? He thinks we should go ahead and charge towards a mentally disturbed guy holding an assault rifle or semi automatic or God knows what else, pointed right at us and hence stop the massacre?? Is he nuts?? Would not crouching behind or under something that could block his view be a better tactic in such a case? 

On the other hand... were Ben with me when being attacked with gun fire then yippee. I'll GLADLY push him right smack into the aim of fire. As I've noted before... for Carson to imagine the kids at Sandy Hook Elementary should have ran right up to the shooter rather than seek hidden protection is in my mind not only disturbing, but more so, depraved. God almighty. How scary IS this guy, anyway? 

As if that's not enough... what about Ben Carson's latest deal? The Holocaust could have had much lesser evils had the German citizens only had lots more personal weapons. No need to really have done away with Hitler himself. Instead... its gun control that was the problem! I shudder to think: so then, exactly just how many Gestapo police you think would invade a Jewish home in the middle of the night and say... I'm here to steal your art, gold, jewelry, children and lives but oh yeah. You can keep all your guns. Oh man... I am totally this far from wanting to throw up. 

And oh yeah... Carson had the NERVE to compare Obamacare with slavery!! Plus as way of bolstering his point about homosexuality being a choice, he said: going to prison as a heterosexual will totally make you gay by the time you're out. I am telling you... if ONE person in this country votes this man into ANY office they should be shot on the spot. Though be careful. Ben will come right smack at you. Besides I would SO love to see who it is that casts a vote his way. I pray it's only two people. Ben himself and then his wife.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this lunatic. The frightening thing of course is that Carson is SECOND IN THE POLLS. Oh my God. The world HAS gone crazy. Way quicker than I originally thought. Which reminds me.... HOW MUCH AM I LOVING ALL THE CHAOS IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES?? The Republicans are in a complete frenzy and I'm tickled pink. Which I really shouldn't be, given this is all going to prove just how dysfunctional our entire government has become. 

Which can't possibly be a good thing. Remember the days when the House actually got things done to better our lives? Actually passed laws that helped the citizens of the U.S.? Actually understood the concept of working for the people. Let alone understood the concept of compromise?

Given all this Ben bullshit btw, Donald Trump almost looks like Winston Churchill. Or FDR. Even JFK. Granted... each of those men had their flaws but still... they were statesmen, nevertheless. Seriously... you have to go to Google, search crazy Ben quotes and bingo. You won't believe what stupidity this man voices. Case in point: dead bodies are better than gun control. Can you beLIEVE it??    

My only saving grace about Ben is that if you ask me... there is NO way the Republicans would want 2 black men in a row as President. So there. I've ranted and raved all I can for the moment. Besides... in just the time it took me to write this entry, I've been to the bathroom THREE TIMES since my stomach is totally all in knots over this man. Should he ever become the nominee... I can only pray Kim is his running mate and then for SURE I'm packing my bags. And in closing...


Indeed... I took the month of September off from posting any entries. Not intentionally, mind you, but whatever. I totally thank all those who've written to me, asking when the hell am I getting back to my blog. In that vein... bingo. Here you are... 3 new postings! The first two were sitting on the sidelines until I did some proofing, etc. thus I figured I'd wait for the third. 

I'm almost thinking I'll write next about the upcoming Democratic debate but am already pretty bored about it all since not one of the candidates thrill me in the least. In fact... given my huge issue on gun control, unless any of the candidates declare they're for outlawing guns altogether, I just may sit out the 2016 election. They're all fucking nuts.

WHITE CHRISTMAS

So today I figured I'd give you a heads up... no pun intended... about how my journey with my white hair is faring. In case I hadn't mentioned it sooner, I stopped coloring my hair last April. I'm pretty psyched about it, too. I totally decided I wanted to see what my natural hair color would be, way in the hopes I'd have white hair as beautiful as my Mother's.

I do not want salt and pepper and I certainly don't want dull grey. I want WHITE. Or pretty close to it, anyway. And according the Linda School of Probability, I'm thinking that by Christmas, I just may pretty be much there. And this is with SHORT hair, mind you. Had I still had my longer hair... it'd have been 4 years before it'd all be grown out! I cannot beLIEVE how long this project is taking!

In the beginning of this journey I checked ever 10 minutes to see if I yet had white hair. Now, it's only daily; particularly every time I walk past a mirror. Plus... I poll every person I've ever spoken to each time I see them, to ask what color they think my hair is. Many say: it's almost there! Almost all white. Others say I think it's kinda all silver. Which btw, I think might be the correct color. A light silver, I guess. And get this. For just as many who say white/silver, are just as many others who tell me my hair is still blonde!! Which pisses me off completely. I don't want blonde! I want white! Beautiful, stunning white!

Regardless... I have decided it all depends upon what sort of light under which I'm standing while questioning these people. In outdoor sunlight?? White! Indoor yellowish light bulbs? Blonde! Actually it's a mix of both at this point. As you can see in the picture up above, the longer side of my haircut is still blonde, but almost looks washed out by now. Getting this blonde all grown out in the front btw, will take forEVER, I see. What people with really dark roots do, I can't even imagine. At least with me, it blends in SOMEwhat when you see me in person.

So basically, I'm soooo looking forward to Christmas, by which time I'm praying that the blonde will totally be gone. But then again, I may have to make that New Year's at the rate I'm going. Hell. For all I know... it could be all the way to April before I'm all white and/or silver, which is exactly when I beGAN this journey in the first place. Man. Talk about having to be patient. I could have had a baby in this time period!! Well, wait. Time out. I could NOT have actually had a baby given I do believe you need to have a uterus to do so, right? Oops. But regardless, you get my point. I will say this however... whenever I wear black clothing, the light silver hair does sort of look fantastic, if you ask me. Add some incredible diamond earrings and bingo. I'm off to the races.  

In the meantime, you can tell by the picture up above sort of what I'm talking about here. See how f'ing long it's taking me to be rid of the blonde? And... trust me... I'm not a particularly patient woman, so this is a test, indeed. I mean seriously... I need to wait more than six months?? And... I've STILL got a long way to go. My beautician even got me some special kind of shampoo to cut the blonde a bit and bring out the white. It helps, but minimally, if you ask me. Believe me. If I DIDN'T want white... I bet it'd have been down to my shoulders by now. It's totally crazy.

Then of course, once it IS white... or whatever color... I then have decide whether or not I even like it. I'm thinking I will, but never say never. I will admit btw... the back is in fact already all white. I've gotten rave reviews but then again... these are probably the very same people who told me how perfectly fine I looked before I had my nip and tuck. Shows what they know. What I know... is that if this entire process takes this long for me, especially with such short hair, I can't even imagine how people with shoulder length hair even attempt such a journey. It borders on: can't be done! 


In closing let me just say: Ben Carson is a COMPLETE idiot. He expects kindergarteners to charge the assailant? Is he fucking nuts??? I hate you, Ben. And with that... only 80 more days until Christmas! 

@gmail.com

I've decided recently that I am sort of becoming anti-email. I can't help it. My inbox is like WAY over loaded with daily incoming mail, and I don't mean with spam, either. I mean with email from wonderful people who have perfectly wonderful things to say to me but still... my problem is that the amount in my inbox often becomes soooo overwhelming. At which point, most people just go through their mailbox every day, delete what they don't want, and probably even reply right smack on the spot. Boom. Done.

Me however? I get absolutely freaked. I don't even know where to begin in terms of reading the mail thus a lot of times I merely look in my mailbox, see the listings of incoming mail and go HOLY SHIT. I am totally being overtaken by this damn inbox! So F. Y. Gmail. I'm not opening even one email, so there! And then of course I immediately log right smack out of Gmail, wishing I had some sort of anti anxiety med to help me handle it all. 

Well... wait a minute. Of COURSE I have anti anxiety meds... what woman in their right mind doesn't??? ... but to take one due to inbox woes?? So not the purpose for downing an Ativan. I'd rather save it for way more important moments; like when Bonnie or Teresa God forbid can't make it to work one day. Or when I go for a piece of chocolate only to find I already ate the last one two days ago. But whatever.

In the meantime... I totally love that my cell phone gives me a heads up as to incoming mail. At least that way I can prepare myself for sitting down at the computer to open my mailbox. I NEVER do email via phone nor iPad btw, simply because it is sooo much easier to read/write on a 19" inch screen. Both my phone and my iPad are used simply for ease of notifications.

As a side note, btw, it's now at a point where whenever a group of my friends and I are dining together we ALWAYS put an iPad down as part of the table setting for the exact purpose of searching questions we always have during some discussion at the table. Case in point: the other day the big question was: exactly how old IS Meryl Streep, anyway?? Obviously if we're dining out, we totally use our cell phones to immediately Google whatever info it is we need, lickety split. So basically, how we ever socialized withOUT our devices is beyond me. Besides... now we get to say: HEY. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT and hence we have the corrected info at our finger tips within seconds. 

Anyway... back to email. In Gmail, they love to store Spam in a separate folder altogether and every so often I remember to check the folder. In fact, I remembered to do it one day just last week and sitting down?? 339 spammed emails!! Is that a joke???? Btw... I could have had my penis enlarged a hundred thousand times by now were I 1). ever so inclined and 2.) I even had a penis to begin with. Plus... I have more than one email account so don't even ASK how this adds to my woes. One of those accounts I don't even check but twice a year maybe since anybody who really wants to contact me would never send email to that account anyway. And even that collects hundreds of incoming mail. 

All I know is: I'm beginning to become major anti-email.

Well... except for love letters, of course. Or sale alerts from Nordstrom's. But seriously... who can keep up with it all?? I can't possibly be the only person in the world with this problem, right? On the other hand... what to do about the people you really DO want to hear from. As in: let's say you send mail, you're totally awaiting a reply and like me, they take their pretty little time about it. Given one can't hock the shit out of them saying WTF is taking so long to hear from you, it sort of gives me a bit of a problem that not even Gmail can resolve.

But I figure I can. As in: those kind of people immediately go onto my S**t List and I probably will never again bother having them in my life anymore. Boom. Problem solved. Nothing lost, nothing gained. Granted, I rarely have had to take such measures but I must admit... in the 2-3 times I've had to, turns out such a measure works out pretty well for me in the end. And yes, I realize this is hypocritical on my part, but as for me... I'm not stalling due to disinterest. Rather, it's due to being overwhelmed. Big difference.   

In the meantime my best advice for sending email to me is: DO IT NOW. Why? Because just today I cleared all my accounts of bullshit mail thus my mailbox is pretty much all caught up to date. I should be able to easily read, reply and do so within a totally acceptable time frame. As in: mere hours. Yippee. I feel like a new woman again. 

And oh yeah... if I DO find I'm overwhelmed all over again... please be patient. I WILL get back to you. Unless of course you're on that S List.