Saturday, November 28, 2015

I NEED A LADDER

I try to rarely climb up a ladder. No need to hit the emergency room when I slip and fall right smack on my ass or something. Besides, I'm afraid of heights. The closest thing I come to being on a ladder is when I need to change the time on the clock each Spring and Autumn. The clock is in my family room, on the wall, up above my TV, so I totally can't reach it without my step stool. And that's about as high as I ever want to be. 

Now however, I'm considering a ladder. Not for the clock. Instead... for my new bed. You see it up there in the picture. Granted, it's not my bedroom, but it's the same bed nevertheless.

Turns out, according to the Laws of Bedroom Mattresses, you should totally buy a new bed/mattress about every 10 years. I won't even go into the reasoning, for it creeps me out totally. Just take my word for it. Anyway... I am soooo embarrassed to admit it, but I've had my bed for wayyyy past 10 years. Sitting down? Have a strong drink in hand? Ready for the admission??

I've had my bed for 30 years!!! I KNOW. IT'S HORRIBLE, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I love my bed almost more than any other piece of furniture in my entire house. To me... it offers the best night's sleep EVER. It's nice and firm. And it' so damn comfy, you wouldn't believe it. Besides... it affords me my alltime favorite hobby: sleeping. So... given the scary amount of time I've loved my original bed, for the past two years I've kinda been on the lookout for a new bed. And guess what?

I FINALLY FOUND IT.

And I couldn't be happier! Thank God for small favors is all I can say. I decided, btw, this is the bed I hope I'll be in when I kick the bucket, although I totally think it will be creepy when I do see Heaven and my kid will maybe move right in and then HE will be in the bed, instead of me. Trust me... there is no way I'd have EVER slept in the same bed my parents may have been in when they said their final adios. But whatever. In the meantime... 

I am completely stoked over this new bed. Am also stoked over the sale pricing, too. It's a specially made bed, one that can't be found in retail stores and is the same bed used in many five star hotels. Hotels that need to make SURE they supply excellent sleep for all kinds of people and/or sizes, who pay zillions of bucks for their nightly room. The bed is what they call for "commercial" use. Hence, it's top of the line, lasts for years and years, has a fantastic box spring, head to toe coils, won't sink in the middle nor on the sides, and has a mattress that is made with 21st century materials for sheer comfort. It's a total winner. Plus... because it's made to order, it hasn't been sitting is some disgusting showroom or warehouse for months. And best of all... IT'S NOW MINE.

It arrived Tuesday afternoon. And btw... when this delivery company says they'll be there at 3:00, THEY'LL BE THERE AT 3:00. Like on the DOT.

It just so happened that Claudia was here when the men arrived and took out my old bed and brought in the new. Meaning: no sooner had I closed the doors on the delivery guys than I made Claudia run to my bedroom to do a test run with me. Bingo. We stared at the bed, felt all the fabric, checked out the features, etc. and then lickety split, we plopped right smack down upon it. WE ALMOST NEVER GOT UP. It was stupendous, is all I can say. And... I hadn't even put the sheets on it yet, either. As if that wasn't enough...

We then opened the $15 million dollar mattress topper I had gotten from Bed, Bath, Beyond in honor of my new bed's expected arrival. Talk about a racket, but it doesn't matter. It's pretty much worth it. Or so I thought. It also raised the height of the bed to exactly where the my bellybutton is. Meaning... I'd never have to bend over to make my bed ever again. Well... I mean when Teresa makes it, but whatever. 

THE BED WAS SO TALL FROM THIS MATTRESS TOPPER, I PRACTICALLY NEEDED A LADDER TO GET INTO IT. It was crazy. My feet didn't even reach the floor when sitting on the side! As opposed to any guy 6 and a half feet tall who would so be in his glory! I literally had to slide off the bed until my feet hit the ground. Talk about feeling on top of the world. I kept thinking about the Princess and the Pea... she'd NEVER feel the pea at this rate. She'd squish it just trying to get out of the bed. Anyway...

It matters not for after I finally made my bed that evening and yet again did a test run for blissful sleep, I imMEDiately had to take off the multimillion dollar topper given it not only was an additional 4 inches high, but ABSOLUTELY made my bed look five times larger than all the other furniture in the entire room, put together. Talk about easy come, easy go. So back to the store goes the topper deal. However... now with the just the bed as is, things look far better proportioned in the room and I'm so telling you... I expect sheer visions of sugar plums to be dancing all inside my head when I hit the sack tonight. Plus thankfully when I wake up tomorrow, my feet will dangle only five inches from the ground rather than nine.


And speaking of thankful... I hope everyone had a most wonderful Thanksgiving celebration. Not only did I love my feast and festivities but I am totally thankful for my bed which by the way works out pretty well given every morning since it's arrival, I've awoken anywhere between 10:30 and 11:00. Now THAT'S what I call a great night's sleep. Besides this new box spring and mattress deal? Gives a whole new meaning to: climbing into bed. 

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