GENETICS

My Mother used to be sooo fascinated with genes. It was always amazing to her that they could be so strong in people, from one generation to another. Case in point... supposedly I have my Father's nose. I was told ever since I was baby, that I looked just like my Dad but in particular, that I have his nose. And believe it or not... I almost have to say that my son ALso happens to sorta have my nose. Ergo: the nose genes apparently have indeed flowed from one generation to the next. What's also freaky is that my brother's daughter was always told that she looked exactly like my sister! It was nuts... at times people thought maybe Claudia and Laura were sisters. Which is good, for Claudia and I look absolutely nothing alike. But whatever.

In the meantime, I was at fancy party a few months ago and up above you can see a picture that was taken of me while there. Yes, I was having a fantastic time and in fact I was having SUCH a great time that I even decided to drink a glass or two of wine. Something I RAREly do. But what the hell... I figured it'd be fun to shake things up a bit. 

However... neither the party nor the wine nor the fun is what conjured up any party memories when first I saw this photo. What DID strike me more than anything ELSE was: OMG. MY HANDS LOOK EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER'S!! Honestly. It just totally blows my mind. I have legs like my Mother too, but in this picture it's the hands that startles me. I never ever before would have thought such a clone of Mom's hands would one day become mine.

My take is: age is probably what's responsible for this identical lookalike deal. For when I was young, my hands looked very much like that of a young, happy go lucky sort of woman. But now that my hands... fingers in particular... have begun to be those of an almost 66 year old woman, bingo. MOM ALL OVER AGAIN! It's crazy. And btw... up until the year before my Mother passed away, she had a manicure every week of her adult life. ME, TOO. But eventually, apparently even with manicures, both our skin began to age, both our knuckles began to look older and probably some arthritis even began to affect our bone structure in our fingers. I just think this is SO damn amazing. I would kill to still have my Mom around now so I could actually show her the freakish resemblance.


Besides, my Mom would probably be tickled pink that I got all dolled up for this party. For she too, loved getting all dressed up for happy times. And of course for flirting with hilarious men. Even though now that I think of it... Mom ALSO had a completely flat ass, JUST LIKE MINE. Damnit. Now there's a case alright where genetics did NOT work in my favor. Because in this instance, with the genes of "no ass" going on, who the hell can possibly look good in... uh... a pair of hot rockin', sexy jeans??? Oh man... in my next life I SO pray I have a tight, shapely, round looking ass! And of course, a tiny waist. Oh yeah. And a hard rock belly, too. 

CROWN VS CROWN

How much do I love this sentiment?? Isn't the concept just PERFECT for me?? You can't imagine how thrilled I was when first I saw it. FINALLY. SOMEONE GETS IT. For trust me... if ever there a woman who would love living in an opulent palace with my knight in shining armor, let alone ruling some fantastic realm, it would so be me. DEAR GOD: IN MY NEXT LIFE PLEASE LET ME HAVE SEVERAL WONDERFUL LADIES IN WAITING WHOSE WISH IS BUT MY COMMAND. THANK YOU, GOD. AMEN.

On the other hand in THIS life, I can merely dream. I can also swoon. As in: swooning over the most adorable royal baby ever. I am telling you... I just can't WAIT til Prince George is a couple years older, walking and talking. Am I the only one btw, who thinks he looks exactly like Queen Elizabeth did as an infant? It's uncanny if you ask me. But... I digress.

Getting back to my dentist. The craziest thing was going on with what apparently were problems with my salivary gland a few weeks ago. I spent about a month with my dentist sending me to one doctor who sent me to another who ordered a CT SCAN only to be sent to a final doctor who told me my salivary gland seemed to be clogged and therefore created this disturbing baby bump in my neck. Happily the scan told us the node was benign thus began his pretty easy directions for helping it to subside somewhat in size.

It's still there, but that's probably because of the 5 directives the doctor told me to do, I decided to do only the 2 easiest ones. But who's counting. Oh wait... I did happily suck on the sugar free lemon drops he told me to get and I must say... they were the most DELICIOUS medicine I've ever been prescribed. Regardless, I do have to point out however that... I know, surprising... neither my dentist nor the neck surgeon mentioned the fact I absolutely deserve to be wearing a regal crown. Man. Talk about not knowing their patient, at ALL.

As it happens however, who needs them since I DO have several crowns, not counting the couple I probably have in my mouth. For instance, every year my sister in law buys me a crown pin. I also have a few home accessories with crowns on them. Plus I have a couple actual beautiful diamond like tiaras to wear on my head. That's the good news. 

The bad news is I can hardly think of one event to which I could ever actually wear any of them other than on Halloween, let's say. Unfortunately the English royal court has yet to issue me an invitation to any of their get togethers. Which is totally a shame since I've got my jewels already all lined up for such an event should the invite ever arrive. But whatever.

In the meantime, I so have to get this picture up above framed and hung in my house sometime soon. It makes me smile every damn time I look at it. Of course I'll have to redo the colors in it since purple and pink are not quite what I'm going for in the home decor department. Plus I'm not 12 years old anymore. And even then, purple was never ever a color with which I bonded too well. I DID bond with the queen concept right smack off the bat... just not with her regal purple.


So the bottom line to all this?? Whomever came with these fine words of wisdom, I do have to say a major thank you! The idea that someone totally gets how I surely deserve a crown is SO spot on. Uh... not to be confused with the ones my dentist already put on my teeth many years ago. 

SOS

Okay... so yeah, I know. I look pretty crappy here in my bullshit nightgown with no bra, but that's not what we're going to focus on at the moment. Instead, we're going zero in on the necklace. The necklace that gives my son peace of mind that maybe I won't be found dead, lying on the floor somewhere in my house for hours and hours.

Hopefully, I'll be lying on the floor for only mere moments since THIS necklace is my survival technique of sorts. Actually it's the little black button in the middle of it that may save my life. 

It all started about six months ago maybe when my kid was home for the weekend. We decided maybe it would be a good idea to get one of those alert devices so as to hopefully cut my death chances in half. Also, so I won't be one of those people who've fallen and then can never get up. That's where this cheapo looking piece of jewelry comes in.

It's really kinda cool, actually. Well, since I switched up the alert WATCH to the alert NECKLACE, that is. Anyway... first we searched the web to try to figure out which company would offer the best service for the best cost. It was pretty easy to narrow it down and boom. Next thing you know, about an hour later the monitor and necklace were in the mail and on it's way to me. Of course I waited a few months til the next time my kid was home before we actually set it all up and then tested the deal. But sure enough... it worked. Yippee. Maybe I won't die afterall. So basically here's how it works...

I can be in any room of the house, have a medical emergency and then push the button in the middle of the necklace. Bingo. That's when monitor supposedly kicks in and calls the main station for me, who then calls me back to see if they can hear my voice. If so, then I tell the people what sort of emergency I may have. If they can't hear my voice however, then quick! they send help. Well... if they don't screw up, that is.

It' kinda like a no brainer and as far as I can tell, there is only one possible glitch. That being... my inability to actually hear like I used to. What I mean is: should I fall let's say somewhere in the family room then bingo. I can hear the person on the monitor perfectly fine. But the farther I get from the monitor the less I can hear, which means when the person is yelling to me LINDA. LINDA. ARE YOU DEAD??... I may or may not be, depending if I'm like in my bathroom with my Kindle blaring. In this scenario... my earballs definitely have to struggle to hear whoever is on the phone. Which means I could be kicking the bucket altogether. OR it means: I just can't hear over the Kindle, TV or whatever.

But luckily I still won't die. Why?? Because if they get no response from me since I may not hear what the fuck they're saying... GOOD NEWS. They'll send out an ambulance lickety split! It's kinda like a win-win situation.


Naturally you're supposed to test the system periodically but so far I never have. Maybe to test the battery or something. But testing aside... I do wear this charmless necklace almost every night when I go to sleep. Of course you're supposed to wear it ALL THE TIME when you're home alone, but I just figured my impending death will most likely happen after I take my nightly shower. Besides... talk about unattractive jewelry. Who the hell wants to wear THAT so damn often. 

As opposed to the other little necklace you also see in the pict. That necklace is one I never take off and wear everyday of my life, under my clothing. It's basically what they call a "gratitude necklace" and it's two symbols are to supposedly remind me of how grateful I am for the life I have, given I am "in need of nothing". Which is pretty arguable now that I think of it, but still... I so love it. In the meantime, if the gratitude necklace doesn't kick in, then let's just hope the alert necklace will. Either way... I'm definitely covered. 

Well... except for one of the incredibly stunning necklaces I wear every day on the outside of my clothing. Case in point: as we speak, I'm wearing a beautiful 46" long necklace of huge grey pearls and baby black balls which I made few weeks ago. Looks amazing over by sparkly black sweater!

4/14/14

Just had to blog this title since I totally love the date and wanted to have something for posterity to remember it by. 4 is one of my two alltime favorite numbers and boom. Today's date has it all. My first favorite number, btw, is 2. Which only means... come 2/2/22,I had better high tail it over to my closest lottery dispenser. If only. On the other hand... I said 4 and 2 are my FAVORITE numbers. Not necessarily my LUCKY ones. Anyway... 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I haven't been doing alot of blogging lately and several of you have been getting on my case about it. I've been either so damn lazy or so damn busy. Take your pick. I will say this however... all in the Land of Linda has been mighty spiffy and for that, I am ever so grateful. As soon as I can, I shall be posting the entries that are still in the draft mode and bingo. I'll once again be sharing all the stupid little tidbits of my life.

Yippee. I remembered to call my accountant today to ask for an extension. Whew. 

DISASTER AVERTED

Oh man... I was so on the path of a major fiasco. I can't believe I even had the restraint to nip it in the bud before God only knows what might have happened but thank God I did.

Turns out I'm cheap. Well, sorta. Most of the time I'm willing to pay higher than list but who's counting. Yet when it comes to coloring my hair, I totally cheap out. Everyone else I know pays zillions of dollars to have their roots colored each month and frankly, they're happy to do so. I never was.

Thus for the past 25 years I've always colored my hair MYSELF. First of all, it's easy to do. Second of all, I can do it any damn time I want, day or night. Third of all, as I said... I'm cheap. Which basically means: who the hell needs to pay a hair salon when I've got my own right smack in my own beautiful bathroom. Besides...

Only once in all these years did I ever have a significant color problem in the outcome. Naturally, btw, it was the night before I was heading out on a trip to Myrtle Beach so obviously I just decided to go with the flow and learn to love my charcoal colored hair. A far cry from blonde, I might add.

In the meantime... tonight could have been so much worse. I have no clue what was wrong... the packaging, the expiration date of the color, or what. BUT... what I do know is that when I mixed the color with the developer there was NO way I saw a light colored cream solution. Instead... I saw a color that definitely resembled Lucy Arnez Red! Whoa. Are you kidding me? That's going to make my hair blonde when applied?? I so can't see that happening. Although trust me... I was but this far from taking the chance. 

Forget Lucy... I could have wound up with Kelly Osborne magenta for all I knew. Not at ALL the Champagne Blonde I was going for. I swear... I thought I was looking at a brown brick color that was nothing like any mixture I had ever seen before. You can see for yourself in the picture up above.

So whew. Reality kicked in just in time and I finally decided: STOP. STOP NOW. DON'T EVEN THINK IT. APPLYING THIS COLOR SO CAN'T TURN OUT GOOD. Which of course is too bad, since basically, that was $10 thrown out the window but fast. But I definitely did the right thing. For in no time at all...

I got out yet another box of the same coloring mix and voila`. THIS time the coloring solutions came together in the regular looking light beige sort of color IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE and I knew... bingo. I'd have my normal blonde hair once again. And sure enough... blonde I got. Talk about walking right up the edge of a cliff without going over. Yippee. No disaster, afterall.


So basically I wasted $10 on the first box that was going to for sure, destroy my hair. On the other hand, I saved at least $50 by doing it all at home rather than in a salon. So as I see it... in the end, I saved $40. Nice rationalizing, right? Yay. Now I can go buy something with the money I made.

I'M SO IN LOVE

Geez... I can't even believe I am actually able to tear myself away from the newest love of my life to write this entry in the first place. I can barely stand the separation. It's totally crazy. So what IS this new love of mine??

MY NEW iPAD AIR!!

Seriously. It's so great. I've had an iPad for maybe six years already?? It was the first generation. But this NEW one I have? The iPad Air?? MAjor improvement.

I basically only used my old one for when I traveled and it was perfect for such a need. But this one I'm using everytime I freakin' sit down in front of the TV. I'm addicted! The first day I was downloading new apps up the kazoo. The second day I was learning all the apps. The third day I was practicing everything I learned. Ever since then, I have just been bonding with it, playing and relaxing. For HOURS I might add.

Case in point: I was busy playing QuizUP given... get this... there's a game for DOWNTOWN ABBEY, FRIENDS, AND SEINFELD. Way up my alley. I've watched every episode of each of these shows, over and over and over again on re-runs so boom. I sorta knew what I was doing. Then there is a game for definition of words. And for spelling. Again, up my alley. After a couple of those games, I was then playing with the National Geographic's World Atlas, which could well be my alltime favorite app, and was STUNNED at how fascinating it is. I've always loved maps but this app is like a huge globe that zooms in wherever you want and its truly incredible. I am able to study countries all OVER the place. Countries about which I had no clue who was where.  

I was particularly intrigued with all the countries in the Mid East and or Africa. What really got me was how TINY so many countries that the U.S. has been involved in concerning their wars actually ARE. I was thinking: what?? Are these countries nuts? Croatia, Viet Nam, North Korea, Crimea, etc. are but mere SPECS on the globe. Why the hell are their HUGE neighboring countries even fighting them in the first place??? Leave these baby countries alone, for Christ sake. Have any clue how teeny tiny Israel is?? Plus... I had no idea that New Zealand was divided into two islands... north and south. Duh.  

Then, after God knows how long, I began playing with Photoshop and was having the time of my life. The camera on this iPad has been GREAT so far . But even greater are all the fantastic features I can use with Photoshop to switch up my pictures any way I want them to look. It's ingenious. There are ZILLIONS of choices in this app, too. Basically the only thing that's missing is a feature that will make me look 110 lbs. and about 30 years younger. Anyway... up above you can see one of my older pictures that I sorta played around with to create this super intense color. I totally have to frame it.

I even got brave the other day and actually video taped a monster wind storm that was occurring outdoors. Uh... come to find out, when I recorded and sent it out, I had the whole damn thing upside down, but now I know better. HOME BUTTON - ON MY RIGHT. Whew. Okay. I got that down pat now.

In the meantime, I don't necessarily do email on the iPad but obviously I could. I do check out QVC though, to make sure I'm not missing out on something that I totally don't need. I take this iPad everywhere, too. Today at the doctor's office Claudia and I were busy looking at all kinds of jewelry on Zappos.com. Then we were checking out eyeglass frames. I even logged into Huffpost to be sure the airplane didn't show up somewhere, afterall. Don't even get me started on THAT story, btw.


Anyway, suffice it to say that if you don't have a tablet of SOME sort, definitely go out and buy one immediately. It's absolutely a fantastic toy. Maybe even a necessity at this point for all we know. I guarantee... you will adore it.

DIANE

All I can say is: shoot me now. What a crazy ass bullshit day today was. Oh... it didn't start OUT that way... but man... NOW?? Holy M.F. is all I can say. So get this...

I get up nice and early so I can get to the store to pick up my new iPad Air which the salesman and I were going to set up. Yippee. Mission accomplished. Cesar had things going spiffy has hell for me and I got back home in the early afternoon, naturally having a dandy ole time playing with all sort of items on the new iPad. I was totally loving it. Until about an hour into it, that is. 

It's about then that I got a call from Claudia. UH... I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS... DIANE PASSED AWAY. What??? Diane??? WHEN?? HOW?? JESUS CHRIST. THIS IS CRAZY!! Believe me... I was so startled I could hardly wrap my head around it all.

So it's important to know here that Diane is my first cousin. We were born two days apart. Both our Mothers were in the hospital at the same time and she was born on the 17th and bingo. I was born on the 19th. Which pretty much meant we totally grew up together. All through elementary school Diane and I were best friends forever. In high school we had sorta gone with separate crowds but that really doesn't even matter. What does matter is that as kids we spent zillions and zillions and zillions of hours together. Playing, shopping, sleepovers, shared birthday parties, etc. etc. We were even in several classes together in school. Get the picture?? We were as tight as two cousins could possibly be, with our 60th birthdays being the last time I had spoken to Diane. 

Okay. So anyway... come to find out yet another cousin called Claudia today to say... OMG. I JUST HEARD FROM DIANE'S BROTHER AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. DIANE PASSED AWAY LAST NOVEMBER!! The fact the brother didn't tell any of us way back THEN is another story altogether but whatever. I was simply in a state of shock. I couldn't believe this entire story. Needless to say I hopped right smack on the phone and found out Diane passed away from kidney/liver cancer and other problems. Apparently she had some surgery that uh... I guess... didn't turn out so great. Besides, what the hell does it even matter anymore. In the meantime...

Just how long you think I've been a total mess since I got this little tidbit of news?? Think: all fucking day long!! I mean seriously... it was one thing to find out about this turn of events, but to also learn Diane died SIX FRIGGIN' MONTHS AGO? Is that a joke? The family couldn't have told any of us THEN?? WTF were they THINKing?? Man. So after a couple more calls back to Claudia, I just had to then call Janet, who knew both Diane and I way back when and was even some of our classes together. Thank God Janet was home when I called since I totally needed to get grounded once again.

As I told Janet, what I also can't get over is JUST HOW MANY OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS are kicking the bucket at age 65 or younger!! What the hell is THAT all about?? Man. I am in total shock. Janet keeps me up to date about all the kids with whom we went to high school and way too many have died, if you ask me. It's just all so freaky. And then... 

Things don't necessarily don't get better given what happened next. In hopes of dealing with this latest shock... about two hours after all this occurred... I go back to my iPad thinking yippee. It would help me relax and process things a bit by taking my mind off everything. Big mistake. Big MAJOR mistake. All I can tell you is I am a total idiot because next thing you know... I head to the computer to transfer pictures from my desktop to my iPad and in doing so... sitting down? I ERASED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING FROM THE iPAD!! I mean: Everything! It's totally back to HELLO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP YOUR NEW DEVICE NOW?? What??? Are you kidding me?? I erased everything that Cesar had done for me six hours earlier??? Everything I have no clue whatsoever how to ever do myself??

Oh. My. God. That's all I can say. I am so f'ed it's ridiculous. I have no idea what button I clicked on in iTunes, but man oh man, it was completely the wrong one. Thus... not only do I have no photos but now I also have NO iPAD. So basically... guess where I'll be at noon tomorrow, all over again.  SITTING DOWN WITH CESAR WHILE HE RE- SETS UP MY ENTIRE iPAD!! AGAIN. 

I so wished I drank hard liquor. I would down three shots but FAST. On the other hand, I was on the phone with Diane's brother tonight for maybe an hour and a half and believe it or not, it did bring me great comfort. Meaning: I now need only two shot of hard liquor. Talk about not being able to wait to get into bed tonight and bringing this entire day to an end.

TAKE A SEAT

This latest shopping spree of mine began last weekend when I was at the big mall. Little did I know when I began my day that any kind of financial restraint was apparently going to go right smack out the window.

It began with a beautiful bed cover that matches the exact Spa Blue color that I needed... oops, I mean I wanted... for my bedroom. I saw it and bingo. I basically said wrap it up, not even taking a look at what the price was. I totally overspent, but who cares. I love it on my bed. Yet another reason btw, why it's always good to have your own separate checking account. 

Next thing you know my five year search for beautiful white flats is finally over! Man... I am so tickled I can't believe it. I always began my search in May, given that's when summer basically kicks in for me. Big mistake. Who KNEW that February was the time white flats come on the scene? Thus another great purchase to add to the bed spread. Which now means three new stunning pairs of white flats are now sitting my closet. All three are a bit different yet all are so pretty and comfortable. One even has the perfect amount of bling. So up my alley.

Then yesterday, after my manicure and pedicure, I headed a few doors down and checked out Pier One since I really needed to replace two side tables on my patio deck. Which is also something I normally waited to do in May. Again... who KNEW that they are actually shown in February?? Finally, I'm getting the hint and finally I found just what I needed. Yippee. The deck is now complete other than next month when I can begin placing pretty flowers in all the planters.

Add to that purchase, my yearly addition of a wonderful Buddha. This one is a cream colored ceramic Buddha-like statue which I totally love. It's very delicate looking compared to the others I own since this one is not as big and bulky. Maybe about 10 inches tall but perfect for my bathtub surround. I'm still deciding on what to name him. THEN... as I'm walking out of the store...

What do I see but PERFECT bar height stools for the kitchen counter overhang! I have waited years to find something I really love and yesterday was apparently the day. I am thrilled with this particular purchase, indeed. Not only can I actually sit upon one and watch TV while downing some crappy meal I made for myself, but now I can actually work in the kitchen while someone is sitting there, entertaining me by chit chatting, staring at me as I move all around. Excellent purchase on my part. You can check them out in the picture above. Better yet... come over and sit your sweet little ass on one. I love company. 

The BIG delight however, is tomorrow when I go to pick up my new iPad Air that is waiting for me at the AT&T store. I finally got the hint that my first generation iPad is ready for a replacement when it began taking weeks to download new app updates. Plus my old one doesn't have any of the great features that the new one will. I must say... I'm pretty psyched. Supposedly it's going to be much faster, too... and I AM into speed. No pun intended.


So I'm kinda thinking that this weekend I totally better stay out of stores. Enough already with my spreading the wealth amongst my local shop owners. Besides, I better save the bucks to deal with this little mass I have in my neck which will be scanned on Monday. Just what I need... a deadly tumor to contend with now that I've happily got every materialistic thing I'll ever need. Dear God... please don't let me die. Thanks. Amen.    

50th ANNIVERSARY

As we speak, iTunes is playing on my computer. I decided listening to the Beatles as I write might give me some kind of inspiration although to be frank, I really don't need inspiration. Afterall... we're talking The Beatles here. Oh yeah. I probably should tell you right off the bat btw, that I was always the person who put Elvis in the number slot rather than The Fab Four. What can I say? The King is the king.

Don't get me wrong, however. There are zillions of Beatle songs that I absolutely love. Including zillions of their solo songs once the band broke up and branched out. I mean seriously... the minute I hear the opening chords of Paul McCartney's Jet, I get all psyched and as soon as it starts to move into the song itself, the rocking of the rhythm along with all the instruments has me up and dancing all over the place in seconds flat. I totally love it. And, I played the White Album and Sergeant Pepper a million times over while in college. As for Lennon... he's in a class all his own. But even Ringo and George had a few that I also loved. Which reminds me... did you SEE Ringo at the Grammy Awards? Oh man... he looked way too thin to me which then of course made me want to scream into the TV... GO EAT A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS IMMEDIATELY. But whatever.

In the meantime... 50 years ago today the entire country changed. THE BEATLES WERE IN NEW YORK! ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW! And boy did they ever make an impact. THE PEOPLE WERE SIMPLY CRAZED WITH HYSTERICAL DELIGHT. Don't even fucking ask.  I never saw such a thing. Ever. Not even when I mySELF saw them a week later in Miami Beach. February 16, 1964 to be exact. When I was 15 years old. It was THE hottest ticket in town, but I was not even CLOSE to the raving fanatical girls going absolutely crazy in the audience.

Granted... both Claudia and I loved the hottest Number One records of the Beatles at the time, but neither of us remember being so damn stricken with orgasmic delight as was everyone else in the crowd. It was more like: YIPPEE. ISN'T THIS A GREAT DEAL?? WE GET TO SEE THE BEATLES PERFORM LIVE! It was far from: OMG. I THINK I MAY TOTALLY DIE FROM THIS MOST EARTH SHATTERING, LIFE CHANGING EVENT EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Which I probably felt more of when first I saw Elvis, Elton John or Tina Turner in person. We must have been idiots I guess because we had no clue whatsoever we were basically viewing a MAJOR part of history. A subject which Claudia majored in college, btw.

In the meantime, here we are 50 years later and The Beatles are STILL the most amazing band ever. Their songs are STILL the most beloved of all. Paul and John are considered musical genius's and I can't think of a living human being that can't tell you their alltime favorite Beatles tune. Nor where they were when John was shot.

In fact some of my absolute happiest musical moments were when I was in my mid 20's, at a friends' house, TOTALLY blitzed, head phones on, stereo BLARING and listening to George Harrison and Leon Russell sing BEWARE OF DARKNESS in Bangladesh. I swear... I was so high that this song took me to an entirely different universe EVERY DAMN TIME. Which of course is why I repeated this exact scenario HUNdreds of time back in those days. I couldn't help it. The lyrics and rolling melody carried me away like nothing ever before. Bottom line: don't tell ME that drugs don't help create fantastic artists. Nor that they don't help listening to fantastic artists. It was a total win-win situation. 


Oh yeah... get this. The song for my first dance as Mr. and Mrs. at my wedding?? SOMETHING. Uh... Abbey Road for any of you unknowing Beatles fans out there. And with that... am off to watch the special which naturally I'm recording. No wonder. They are by far... the greatest band of all time. 

YOU GRILLIN'??

I totally loved Dr. Geltzer. He was great looking, knew his craft and DEFinitely helped me to look a hell of alot better. Uh...the huge gap between my two front teeth wasn't adding any too much to my school girl looks. Anyway, I must have known Dr. Geltzer for what? A good 4 years maybe?? I was nine when I first met him. And it was a big deal, too.

So who WAS Dr. Geltzer?? Why MY ORHTODONTIST, OF COURSE! He helped ALL us wide gapped, crooked and/or buck teethed kids by putting braces on our teeth and trust me... this was WAY before tongue rings and even grillz. Teeth grillz like you see there in the picture above. Had he dealt with kids wanting THIS sort of look... oh man... I am almost SURE he'd have flipped.

Which is too bad, for fast forward 55 years and boom. Here's what the world now looks like. TEETH GRILLZ! Omg... I am so sure that were I young once again, I'd be hightailing it over to Dr. Geltzer in no time flat, telling him: hook me up! Man. I mean seriously... diamonds on my teeth?? That would be the ULTIMATE bling if you ask me. And I'm not talking the sort that those in the hood would be sporting. Instead, I'm talking the sort that the today's celebs are sporting!

Case in point... you happened to have caught Madonna at the Grammys a couple of weeks ago? Oh man... she was grilling alright. As in: gold square grillz on her teeth. And her young kid who was with her wants them, too. I do have to admit however that I didn't like Madonna's choice of grill, but who cares what I think. The ones I DO like are kinda like the one up above. Can you even imagine??

Plus, I'm even thinking these grillz, if made and applied correctly, could probably do double duty as the retainers we used to wear on our teeth after our braces were removed. Retainers which if I remember correctly I lost twice and then had to have replaced. Now THAT would be one hell of a good looking retainer, if I say so myself. Pricey, granted, but who's counting.

In the meantime, you ever even HEARD of grillz before this? Turns out it's jewelry for your teeth that came from.. what else... the Hip Hop culture. You're welcome btw, for that tidbit of pop culture education. And like so much in fashion, the look originates from the baser types of trends seen on inner city streets. Totally opposite of haute couture, let's say. However... the influence of the street teens can easily been seen in high fashion. Uh... think: jeans purposely torn on the ass or knee caps. Started out almost as a ghetto fad and bingo. Next thing you know, someone's paying $200 for the look.


Anyway... I totally love the idea of really great looking grillz on my teeth. Even if only for 30 minutes, I'd still get a kick out of it. Naturally everyone I know would gag the minute they saw me, but who cares. I'm going with the celebs. 

7 HOURS AND COUNTING

Man. This is just so crazy. The day began with snow starting to fall at about 10 o'clock this morning. And it was kinda like a sprinkle kind of snow. The sort you wouldn't even imagine would stick. The flakes were like the babiest flakes I'd ever seen and I was sure this would totally be a non event. Although I must admit... the temp must have been about 31 degrees I'll bet.

Thus... I figured no problem. I can go do my errands and be in tip top shape. It was only for a couple hours, anyway. Turns out: big mistake on my part. NONE OF US KNEW WHAT WAS COMING UP NEXT.
In the meantime... I left my neighborhood and started traveling down the main roads and I was pretty much chipper as hell. The roads looked slightly wet, but nothing was REALLY sticking. Besides, I needed to get some things done and didn't want to be a wuzz. So... feeling pretty confident, out I went.

As it happens I'm having a dinner party here for 15 of us on Saturday night, so I wanted to pick up some decorative items before I headed over to my manicure and pedicure. I figured both errands were on my NEED TO DO LIST so why not give it the ole college try. Which I figured would be easy enough. Of course all the while... the tiny sprinkles of snow were continuing to come down but still, all seemed okay. Oh man. Little did I know.

I didn't even think there would be a problem when the loudspeaker in the store came on and said: OOPS. APPARENTLY ALL SCHOOLS WILL BE CLOSING AT 11 A.M. DUE TO WEATHER. I know... whoever thought I'd even be OUT AND ABOUT at 11!! Regardless, even THEN I figured no big deal for trust me... the second I hear of snow coming my way, I'M IN FOR THE DAY. Apparently except for today. Even better... I wasn't even SUPPOSED to get snow today. To my south, yes. To my north, yes. BUT NOT ME.

On top of all this btw, as if my day wasn't freaky enough, someone I know is having MAJOR MAJOR HORRIBLE all day surgery today so I just KNEW I had to keep busy to help keep my head on straight. But anyway... the bottom line here is easy. I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THE WEATHER BEING NO PROBLEM.

I was even looking outside the entire time my feet and hands were being done just to be sure all was okay. Even then I seriously didn't have much concern. And even when I went to my car... which you can see up above... and SAW THE SNOW BEGINNING TO ACCUMULATE ON THE TRUNK I STILL figured I'd have no problem. 

UNTIL THAT IS... I GOT ON THE MAIN DRAG TO COME HOME. Holy ba holy. 

First of all, the traffic on the highway was crawling. No wonder. Because second of all, there were police cars with flashing lights all over the place. As in: accidents galore. Third of all, I could see my original route was going to take forever given there WAS an accident in front of me. In no time at all... I turn around to go a completely other way. Fourth of all, the other way wasn't nearly as ice free as I'd imagined. It wasn't black ice per se, but this time WHITE ice. Uh... I'm thinking sleet maybe?

Fifth of all, by the time I got onto the secondary roads I then knew all wasn't going to be kosher after all. The snow has fallen steadily alllll this time since 10 and I could tell right off the bat... there had been no salting, no plowing, no nothing. NOW I was getting scared. And I was traveling at what? About 10 mph maybe?? Don't even f'ing ask.

Sixth of all, by the time I got on the road that would eventually bring me to my house I saw that it was ENTIRELY covered with this white ice stuff. And I don't even have four wheel drive! Even the cars traveling on the road weren't producing enough heat to keep the street at least just wet. Seventh of all, you should have SEEN what accumulating on my car. By now, btw?? Oh man... I was totally freaking although I must say, I was beginning to think that if I HAD to walk home from there, I probably could have made it afterall.

Okay. So the weather man lied to me. How do I know?? Because I DID get over a couple inches of snow so far. And here I am 7 hours later and it's STILL going to fall for several more hours yet! Jesus. Were the flakes the regular big, fluffy kind I'd so be looking at snow up to my knees. As it is... I'm ready to down Ativan as soon as I finish this entry. Talk about ignorance being bliss.

OMG. NEWS FLASH: AS WE SPEAK, THE CITY'S PLOW TRUCK JUST WENT RIGHT SMACK UP MY STREET!!! FOUR TIMES, EVEN. Talk about timing is everything!!! On the other hand... I can see already that the white ice and/or sleet is so going to be turning to black ice any moment now. Uh oh... new problem. I just looked up and the falling snow has practically RE-covered the entire plowed street all over again.


What a friggin' day.

POP QUIZZES

For weeks now, my kid has been telling me to download this new app... QUIZUP... to my iPad so we can play together. For weeks, I basically forgot the entire deal altogether. Until that is, last night.

Apparently you need an iPhone but even with an iPad you can download the phone version and bingo. It works perfectly. The app will be coming to Android soon enough but until then, I'm using my iPad. Anyway... last night I decided to take the plunge. I downloaded this game and what a surprise... after five minutes of playing... I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. Seriously. I am so the Queen of Addictions thus you can only imagine how long it took me to find that an hour's time passed in what felt like mere minutes. I was playing this game over and over and all I know is:  IT IS SO FANTASTIC I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.

You can either play with a friend or the app will find someone with whom you can play. Each game lasts for about 5 minutes and there isn't a trivia category you can name that it doesn't cover. Immediately I went to the British Royalty topic, one of over 400 topics in all. The Music category is great too. You can do Beatles, 50s, Showtunes, whatever. And... if you are like me... you can lose as many games as you win. I also tried the Fashion category btw and totally loved it.

Plus... when you sign on to the app for the first time, they ask for your full birth date. At first you think: Huh?? Why do they need THAT? Turns out... if you're not playing with a designated friend, the app will instead then team you up with someone about your own age so that in the end, you're not playing with a 12 year old. Excellent move in the development department. Plus, I suspect maybe your age also helps to not ask questions about things which you wouldn't be even remotely knowledgeable. Granted... there is plenty of room on this app for hacking your personal information but my take is: everyone in the world ALREADY has access to God knows what about me so why start worrying now? 

I also got to choose from pre-made avatars or I could select a pict from my own computer. Naturally I uploaded Queen Victoria as my picture and then decided to use Queen Linda as my game name. Boom. I was ready to go. Within seconds I was playing with people all over the country and/or world. We had to win as many points as possible for not only getting the correct answer but also for answering faster than your opponent. Which brings me to....


You know how damn smart I am about a zillion things in this world of ours? Well, here's a News Flash if ever there was: Apparently I'M NOT. Turns out the world is WAY smarter than I am. Damnit. Shocking, right?? I decided the person playing the Royalty topic with me btw, must have been cheating or WAS part of the Royal Family altogether. They knew too many hard questions and FAST too. On the other hand... I easily know as much as several other players and often times, more. But believe you me... it wasn't a slam dunk by any means. 

I also love knowing I'm not playing against teen aged idiots high on dope. Well wait... time out here. Now that I think of it... I could maybe find a new supplier thanks to QuizUp?? Hey. NOW we're talking.  

UH... NO. I'M NOT KIDDING.

For a couple of weeks now, I have been meaning to write about my pearls of wisdom regarding Chris Christie, who is definitely on a downward spiral. But once I saw this new exercise equipment?? Oh man. I had to make a 180 degree turn on that topic immediately and switch to this one lickety split. I mean seriously... THIS IS A WAY TO EXCERCISE?? Uh... apparently so. Many, I'm totally sure, just HAVE to be thinking: WHOA. WAY TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, ALRIGHT.

Naturally one look at this picture and I just HAD to email it to my core training instructor in seconds flat. Why? Because we use these excercise balls ALL the time! Well, wait. Hold on a second. Not THESE particular balls but we do use the non X rated version in lots of classes. For all kinds of exercises, too. As in: laying upon them while doing crunches. As in: laying flat on the floor, body all stretched out and lifting the ball from the floor with our knees to our hands. As in: sitting upon the ball and merely bounce. As in: also sitting upon them and throwing another small ball to our partners, all the while balancing on the big ball. 

BUT THESE BALLS?? THE ONES IN THE PICTURE UP THERE? Oh man. So never going to be used at a gym, I'm quite sure. And thank God for small favors, too. Plus... get a load of the colors used on this piece of equipment! Geez. Oh yeah... you can only imagine one liner I added to Ansley's email, btw. 

On the other hand, SOMEONE is going to use these balls and I guess they're going to be mighty happy after their workout session. Hence the title... No. I'm Not Kidding. Obviously there IS such a workout  item on the market nowadays. Which means: talk about blending the world of a satisfying work out session with the world of working out for a satisfying session. Now THERE'S a tag line if ever I've heard one.

In the meantime, I actually HAVE switched out my exercise program. Get this: I go to core training still, I do yoga still but now... in honor of the New Year... I am trading in two of my evenings of doing yoga for a couple of nights of instead... sitting down??... walking the Mall. Holy shit. MY HAIR IS FRIGGIN' TURNING BLUE AS WE SPEAK. AND I AM AGING AS FAST AS YOU CAN SAY 1-2-3. I am soooo freaked I am doing the old lady Mall walking bit BUT you can't blame me. I have to! IT'S BLOODY COLD OUTSIDE DURING THE EARLY EVENINGS RIGHT NOW.

Apparently five times around the baby Mall near me is equalivant to two miles. Which of course I'm still working on accomplishing. I'm only at the one mile mark so far, thus hopefully by the end of this week, I'll be at two and half, maybe three times around. Needless to say there was NO way I'd ever be doing this switch up at 9:00 in the morning, so this early evening bit is perfect. Plus... you should SEE all the other people walking as well! I was absolutely shocked to see these folks. Families even. I mean really... this walking bit is BIG. Go figure.


Which, after all the health benefits are factored in, is the total reason I'm doing this walking bit in the first place. To sorta help punch up my chubby like figure. The good news however is that should it NOT help my figure... well, at the very least... I get to have some extra time for great shopping sprees. Bottom line: Either way, I win!

LADY VICTORIA HERVEY

Man. Now THIS is a way to make an entrance to a party, alright. This is SOME dress. Or... what there is of it, anyway. I know. I know. I must be one of a dozen women on the planet who finds this dress one hell of a show stopper and believe you me... were I a young Hollywood knockout, I'd be prancing around in this dress in no time flat. Whoa. Totally sexy.

Anyway, as it happens... this lady isn't a Hollywood sort at all. She's a British socialite. Which of course endears me to the dress all the more. Can you iMAGine greeting the Queen wearing this?? OMG. Lizzie would flip out right then and there. On the other hand... Philip would shine like never before.

All I know is... THIS black dress?? Totally an eye catcher. A major jaw dropper. Uh... okay. Let's be honest. An out and out prick teaser. But to me, it can also be the ultimate flirt skirt and personally, I love the Game of the Tease. How much you want to bet in the end however... that this chick is merely shouting: you can look but you absolutely can't touch? Well wait. You're right. Any female sporting this look, DEFINITELY puts out. But I bet she's crappy in bed, so there's the payback, all you horny guys out there. Unless of course it turns out she's totally great, in which case shoot me now. SO not fair. 

On the other hand... I can't even IMAGINE what the justice system might think if... God forbid... a woman in this dress were ever the victim of rape. Granted NO OUTFIT justifies rape but geez. I'll bet a hell of a lot of deliberation is going to go down before a jury nonetheless renders a guilty verdict to the rapist. But by the same token how much you want to bet the judge also kinda reprimands the defendant by stating "Hey lady. Pushing the envelope while in public is one thing. It's quite another to wear nothing more THAN the envelope". 

Thankfully, I doubt however any woman wearing this pretend dress is going to be raped. Afterall... not too many in the social settings where you'd find this outfit are likely to find a man who can't control himself. Would he look?? ABSOLUTELY. Would he want to touch? PRETTY MUCH. Would he go home and fantasize up a storm? COUNT ON IT. But is Victoria thrilled she's teasing him?? Oh man. WITHOUT A DOUBT.


Which is why it takes guts to wear an outfit like this to a fancy ass party. Not to mention the need of a fanTASTic looking body. Guts I have. However... a smoking hot body I don't have. So basically... there goes any chance I'D EVER HAVE of wearing anything NEAR this sort of flirtatious come-on. Not so much for Victoria though. She's headed to a Golden Globes after party, if I read correctly.

And... if you ask me... while all the others earned their well deserved honors that night, I am totally sure the stars are all second best to the buzz that went down about this dress. Seriously. I think this look SO takes the award of the evening. Oh yeah... in case you didn't get enough of it... here are more picts over which to drool. I even threw in an extra shot from some other evening. Some closet this Lady must have, huh??

  

I SURVIVED THE VOTEX

And frankly, I don't even have some stupid little T-shirt to prove it.

Man... that was some crazy ass way to begin a New Year. I can't even beLIEVE how cold it was last week. I mean seriously... with wind chill factored in, my evenings were like -13 degrees. THAT'S NORMAL?? OMG. It was nuts.

In the meantime, I pretty much have to thank God that all I had to deal with were cold temps. Had God thrown snow and/or black ice into the mix, I'd have been ready for the loony farm in seconds flat. On the other hand, during each of the sub zero days, I was in fact able to get out and about to do what I had to, but whoa. You can be sure I hightailed it home lickety split. Talk about running from house to car to building, back to car and then to another building and back to car again and then finally... back to a nice and cozy home.

Speaking of hightailing it home... last night my next door neighbors arrived back home after being away for a couple of weeks. Which of course now means... I am so ready for the soap opera to begin. I'm thinking it won't be so pretty. I think I may have mentioned this before: the wife is well readied to move back to her home state to be near her parents, family and friends once again. I think they've been here for what? 4 years maybe?

Apparently as much as she keeps telling the hubby that moving back is what she wants, the more he keeps telling her sorry. Not going to happen. Which of course has made her miserable for at least over a year . But not as miserable as he's going to be once he finds out that she's moving back, with or without him. While he's away at work, I might add. Hence one day soon the hubby will basically come home only to find the wife is outta there. THEN maybe he'll reconsider her request, but if you ask me this has NC Family Court written all over it.

 The only other thing I can add for tonight is that I am SOOO damn happy the holidays are over so I can finally get back to a NORMAL WEEKDAY SCHEDULE. I get totally screwed up on what day is what and this week was my first chance to have every bit of my routine back in place. It just makes me shudder to no end to imagine how I'm going to possibly keep things straight in my f'ed up head when I'm like in my 80s. Already I see that my caretakers can surely tell me anything they want me to believe and I'll have no mental arsenal at ALL to offer an argument. I just have to pray I'm not so outta my mind that I wind up turning over my bank accounts and safety deposit boxes without batting an eyelash.


And don't for one minute think this can't happen. I am completely a candidate for extreme senior moments. 

END OF AN ERA

Well... okay. Not an era. But certainly the end of a year. 2013 to be exact. Which I have to say was a year way better than the year before. Thank God. And... a year which I hope will not even compare to the one that's coming up. For I sorta have high hopes for 2014. I know... I'm such an optimist. Or a fool. I'm not sure which one just yet. But in any case...

I am trying to figure out what was the best thing that happened in 2013 and I always keep coming back to the times that I spent with my kid. I always love being with him for he makes me so very happy with his humor and smile and even his crapola. So basically if being with him was the best of the year, then I'd almost have to say I guess everything else was pretty much secondary and thus in that tier, probably equal in the enjoyment department.

I do remember, with major happiness I might add, the night I went to a new Italian restaurant about a half hour away from here. Nothing fancy but OMG. The food I had there was just unf'ingbelievable. Seriously... my taste buds were doing a dance all OVER the place. That was definitely a red letter evening.

I also have to say the most recent thrill was creating all my new necklaces for even as they were being made, I was in my glory as I laid out each bead, knowing that in the end it was going to be a knockout.

I was also tap dancing all over the place on the day my Medicare kicked in. Man... just the thought of not having to shell out over $1000 a month put my delight barometer way up in the clouds. I'm telling you... Medicare is one of the all time best inventions ever.

Oh yeah... I also have to say that the first time I heard Robin Thicke sing Blurred Lines I thought I died and went to heaven. I mean it. I was in the car and I could hardly get out because I transfixed to the lyrics and music. Needless to say one of the WORST moments of the year was when stupid ass Miley Cyrus totally screwed up Robin's performance with her utterly disgusting looking tongue but that's another story altogether.

Another thing that stands out in my mind was when I was in Ft. Lauderdale at the beginning of the year and I got to spend so much time with my niece, Laura. Besides... anyone who is so willing to take me out for a hot pastrami sandwich any time I want, is definitely someone you just gotta love forever.

Anyway.... as I said... 2013 was pretty much a decent year. But I am totally hoping 2014 surpasses it by leaps and bounds. I also hope I score big on any one of the major upcoming Power Ball Lotteries. Whoa. Would THAT ever make it bonus year. But most importantly...


I just hope my health remains good. And I hope yours does as well. I hope we all have a safe, loving, hell of a great New Year. I don't know about you... but me?? Holy Shit. I so deserve it. 

I'M AN ADDICT

Holy ba holy. I can't believe how little time I've had to write a blog lately. I feel totally overwhelmed trying to be sure every little detail in my stupid little life is running like clockwork, thus by the time I get to vegging out, with time enough for writing this blog, I'm just way too damn exhausted.

Of course having to deal with an Achilles Tendonitis for a week didn't help. Nor did my being afraid that the Health Department might come and condemn my house the following week, since I had given my total attention to nothing else but to making at least a dozen of the absolutely most stunning necklaces you ever saw. I was obsessed! Nor did it help that I had been sick with swollen glands, chest and head congestion for yet another week after that. Geez... I must have slept for DAYS until I felt somewhat normal again. Factor in trying to keep the rest my regular life in order and boom. Who has time to blog? Anyway...

The part that I'll concentrate on today is: MY NEW ADDICTION. It's totally shameful, too. I can not beLIEVE how this has taken over my life but I have to tell you... am loving every minute of it.

After years of seeing thousands of necklaces that Claudia creates with beautiful beads, findings, etc.... something in me just sprang right smack up into my head out of nowhere and said: GO BUY BEADS AND IMMEDIATELY BEGIN MAKING NECKLACES... AND MAKE THEM ALONG THE LINES OF IRIS APFEL'S LOOK. As in: big, chunky and LONG. EXCEPT MAKE YOURS WITH JUST A LITTLE BLING.

Next thing you know... I'm at the bead store, spending more money on any one hobby than I ever have for 12 other hobbies, combined. I'm telling you... hundreds of dollars! Over and over again; even with the 40% discounts, I might add. That's the price of addiction, I guess. On the other hand, look how much I'm saving by not having to go to Jewelry Making Rehab. 

Because... for all those hundreds, I now have necklaces that could easily bring in MAJOR bucks were I to ever sell them. Which of course I never would. Besides, these creations conSUMED me for at LEAST a week straight at first and even now as we speak... my entire dining room table is totally covered with my beading supplies. That first week has now grown into almost four I'll bet but man, what stunning necklaces I have. And what pretty ones yet to be made.

I can't believe how beautifully they turned out nor can I believe how happily I can sit making these necklaces while also happily listening to my Kindle read every great book I've ever wanted to hear, for hours and hours. It's total heaven. In the meantime, you need to check out the pictures below to get an idea of how they turned out. Granted... the pictures don't even beGIN to do justice to what the necklaces look like in person but you'll get the idea nonetheless. 

I have even worn some twice already and have gotten totally rave reviews each time. Claudia makes much more refined looking necklaces. I make far more bolder looks. Especially since I wear at least two, maybe three at a time. They completely knock my fucking socks off.

Plus.. this little multimillion dollar hobby is just soooo relaxing. And fun. And creative. And totally fits into my love for instant gratification. Seriously. Who could ask for more? Check out the necklaces down below.


In the meantime... yippee. I'm finally back to the real world, feeling as chipper as ever, enjoying fun celebrations for the Holidays. Oh yeah... Merry Christmas everyone. Hopefully you got presents as fantastic as the ones below. Although I can hardly imagine it.

THANKS BUT NO THANKS

I'm a pretty spiritual kinda gal. But George W. Bush would totally hate me. Although I hate him more, but who cares. Anyway... my sort of spirituality is that where I feel tremendous gratitude for the life I've been given and the hopes that I approach mankind with graciousness and compassion. George's on the other hand, is the kind of spirituality where he was supposedly in church one Sunday morning, grappling with the decision of whether or not to run for President... and boom. God magically, specifically, directly speaks to him and supposedly says: YEAH, GEORGE. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE COUNTRY ABSOLUTELY NEEDS YOU TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT. Boom. Done deal. He's gonna run. Well, God said SOMEthing along those lines anyway. Can you f'ing believe it??

Which to me is a perfect definition of who exactly should NEVER run for the highest office in the land. Really, George? God's voice came into church and sent a message just to you, telling you to go for it? Oh man. I can't even stomach the thought. You don't believe me? Here... read a couple of paragraphs of this article and figure it out for yourself. I'm telling you... it's true. Bush really does think God was speaking to him as if in a vision or something. Frankly, I myself say it must have been an after effect of LSD from years past. But whatever. Anyway... check out this link:

God Speaks to Georgie

I take prayer pretty seriously. And very personally. I have no clue whether or not there really IS a God-like figure up there listening to my prayers, but I sorta hope so given I say two personal prayers everytime I do my yoga session. I begin with a prayer to God, and then about half way through I say yet another. Which is exactly why I almost freaked when I saw this license plate a couple of months ago. The one up above there, in the picture I captured a couple of months ago.

Talk about my never doubting whether or not I live in the Bible Belt. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? SOME GUY IS ACTUALLY DIRECTING ME TO PRAY FOR HIM?? AND THEN PRAY FOR MYSELF, TOO?? Jesus. Since when do we go around telling strangers like me, to pray for them when I have no clue who the hell the guy is nor if he even deserves my blessing. Plus... HE PUTS THIS ON HIS LICENSE PLATE?? Whoa. The prisoner who made THIS plate must have felt some sort of redemption 1-2-3. I was totally shocked when I saw this. I still am, actually.

So shocked in fact that you have no idea what I had to go through to get a picture of this deal. Don't even ask. It was crazy. First I had to keep driving my car while reaching over, digging deep into my purse, feeling all around to grab my camera, all the while trying to keep up with the guy in traffic and then, only due to a stroke of luck.. or God's will maybe??... did we finally come to a stop light. And bingo. My chance to begin snapping away occurred! I must admit however, I probably said THANK GOD at that moment, but in truth I wasn't really thanking THE God. If anything... at the very least... I decided THAT ALONE was probably my prayer for the guy who's telling me to pray. THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME GET A PICTURE OF THIS STUPID ASS LICENSE PLATE.

To my way of thinking... this kind of directive on a car is like me walking into the DMV and asking for a specialized plate (which I did do, btw but that's a whole other story altogether) and telling them to please make it say: SND $$ BOX 240. Can you imagine?? Man, would I ever love to do that. YIPPEE. I'D BECOME RICH!

In the meantime, I definitely take offense at people on the roads that I don't even know telling me I should pray for them. Uh... thanks but no thanks. WHO NEEDS YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?? I'LL PRAY FOR THE FOLKS WHOM I SPECIFICALLY WANT TO PRAY FOR! More importantly... I'd like to know exactly what this guy ever did to need so many damn prayers, in the first place. For all I know he could be sporting a freakin' stolen car!

So the bottom line here is: I guess this guy is living the life of Riley. No wonder. THE ENTIRE CITY IS PRAYING FOR HIM. Now granted... something really horrible could be happening in his life and he needs support but STILL. On a license plate?? Besides that... I'm supposed to pray for myself too?? As if I'm in need of some sort of forgiveness? Lordy Lordy. The Messiah better show up real soon because I'm beginning to think the entire Evangelicals are totally turning loony and are headed way off the deep end but FAST. And don't think for one minute this guy ISN'T an Evangelical. Remember: I'm in the Bible Belt.


Oh yeah... don't even get me started on this car being a Jaguar. I was behind Billy Graham?? Franklin Graham?? Any of the Grahams?? They DO live in Western NC, you know.