WHITE TRASH

I have always claimed I have more trash in a week than any five families put together. From where it comes, I can't even tell you, but all I know is that compared to everyone else, I have more sh*t to throw out than anyone I've ever known. Which is why it was always such a problem for me when I moved here, since I could not beLIEVE the city picked up trash only ONCE A WEEK. What?? Is that a joke?? What ever happened to the TWICE a week pick up I always had when I lived in South Florida?? Seriously... I was in utter shock when I learned of my new pick up schedule in this little baby town in which I now live. 

Thus, I had to plan accordingly. As in: I had to actually ask the city for a garbage container twice the size of every one of my neighbors! THEY had little baby garbage cans. Me? I needed BIG. Which is what I finally got when I moved to my new house. Which is also why I love this picture below. As you can see, now EVERYONE has big normal sized garbage cans. Yippee. I'm apparently a trend setter, afterall.

In the meantime, I took this picture last Friday before the trash guys came around. And also before the recyclable guys, who come around about a half hour later. The green deal is for all the garbage and the blue is for all the recycling items. 

See those baby sized blue bins?? EVERYONE uses one per week. Once in a while MAYbe two. But ME?? OMG. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. The blue guy is no way NEAR the size I need. Considering I have... I swear to God... three times MORE recycling items than everyone else in the city. Which is exactly why every Thursday night I am outside piling HEAPS of my recyclables way high, one big blue plastic bag on top of another filled with my weekly crap, trying like hell to make it so they won't all topple over altogether. Man... it's a f'ing major challenge. It makes me feel like I'm building a domino house or something.

Which brings me to my doorbell. Last Friday my doorbell rang and after six years, who should it be but the recycling man. He basically said to me... "Uh... lady... how about we give you the SUPER sized recycling bin?? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out YOU NEED ONE." To which I immediately and whole heartedly agreed. In fact I was THRILLED. Who even KNEW I had such a choice? Finally. I won't  have to fight with my recyclable bags any longer! HALLELUJAH!! It's about time I got the size I needed!

So now... you wanna see what MY recycling bin looks like compared to everyone else's? Trust me... it's embarrassing. But BOY do I need it. So far, it's only Tuesday and alREADY I have four huge blue bags filled with stuff that is to be recycled. Here... check out this shot.

Can you beLIEVE the difference?? Oh man... as I write, I can't even stop laughing. And while I should feel totally ashamed, I in fact am jumping for joy. THIS IS SOOOO MUCH EASIER NOW that I almost feel like this is the best present I've ever received. What the hell TOOK them so long, anyway? 

Of course my big challenge now, since I no longer have to build a domino house each week, is to figure out: why the hell doesn't EVERYone have as much crap as I do?? Do they not KNOW what is recyclable and what isn't?? Actually in my book, EVERYthing is recyclable. Well, except for food, that is. In my blue plastic bag, I put all paper products, all canned containers, all plastic containers, all glass containers, all metals, etc. etc. Oh btw... I do have to admit I never rinse out any of the containers, but whatever. They're lucky I do this in the first place. Let them sue me. 

Oh yeah... which they once almost did, too. In fact, the ONLY reason I began recycling to begin with was because I got a letter saying: "Uh...lady. Either begin recycling or guess what. We're charging you an extra $10 a month." So naturally, I called them and basically said: Wait. You're going to charge me $10 for having to make LESS pick ups for me? WTF is THAT all about??

Well apparently it's all about being Eco friendly I guess. Which is too bad since I DEFINITELY subscribe to George Carlin's theory on recycling. Have no clue what his theory is?? Then you have GOT to see this. It's a view I adopted YEARS ago. Naturally... while I was high.  GEORGE'S HILARIOUS THEORY