Wednesday, March 13, 2013

ENGLISH GARDEN WANNABE

I swear to God... last Friday morning, the day before we were to set our clocks forward an hour, the birds automatically KNEW that Spring was here! I woke up totally stunned... all because I woke up to their totally BEAUTIFUL CHIRPING AND TWEETING SOUNDS after MONTHS of sheer silence. It was just so uncanny! How did THEY know it's time to get ready for Spring?? Man... talk about knowing your job description!

In the meantime, I LOVE waking up to the sound of birds and I get to do it all Spring and all Summer. Which I might point out was a YEAR ago already. Thus it's about TIME these birds came back if I say so myself.

As it happens I'm having about 8 to 10 people here for a fancy schmancy sit down dinner next week. It's supposed to be for six, but I changed the rules; that I'll have tell you about at some other time. For now however, all I know is that I love when I have dinner parties for it SO gets me up off my ass and gets me way into a major sprucing up mode. My house is normally pretty much okay in the clean department, but I had a LOT of work to do with my dreary winter leftovers on my outside deck. And especially the planters! What a job. I can't even believe it. By the time I finished with the finale to it all, whereby I hosed down all the dirt, the leaves, the furniture, etc. etc. I felt like I prepped the entire city for God sakes.

I not only had all my deck planters to fill, but also the two bigger ones sitting at my front door, as well. You'll see pictures of the finished product at the end of all this but let me just tell you... it took me three long days to complete everything. AND... while the temps were in the low 50s, all of a sudden, the day I go to begin this project, the BLUSTERY WINDS DECIDED TO KICK IN but good. Thus I was then working with temps in the mid 40s! You should have SEEN my gardening outfit. I looked pretty much like an Eskimo planting Spring flowers. A major visual oxymoron if ever there was. Oh yeah... on the first two days, there was also light rain falling. But whatever.

In the meantime, I decided that this year, I wanted to shake things up a bit, thus I wanted to add alot more variety of flowers so it would give the illusion kinda like that of an English garden. I find English gardens just sooo damn beautiful. In the end I just gotta say... I feel I sort of actually in fact, accomplished my mission pretty damn well. But you can judge for yourself further down. However... bear in mind that if you DON'T agree with me... then boom. You have no clue wtf you're talking about. Me? I decided I get to be the only judge whose opinion matters in this particular case but so be it.

Oh yeah... I guess I don't have to tell you that I was WAY bushed when I got into bed each night. This was no easy job if you ask me. Especially since I filled planters all OVER the place on the outside deck. I also have zillions of flowers left over that never even made it into the pots... which is crazy since I DID have to make a second run to the nursery since the first run wasn't enough. Duh. I missed my calculation balance completely I see. Anyway...

Here's my favorite part however: After I was back and forth from the plant store, to get all my favorite plants, I THEN decided I'm going to do the additional plants in each pot the major EASY way. As in: head over to Michael's, buy some faux fakes and then plant some of THOSE flowers right smack into the same pots, right along side nature's own. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??

I created a friggin' masterpiece here! With only half the pieces, no less. WHAT A GENIUS I AM. And trust me... unless you put your nose smack dab into the pot, there is no way you'd ever know its not ALL real. Well, sorta. All I can tell you is: WHOA. I TOTALLY LOVE THIS FLORAL SCAM I'VE PERFECTED. I can't WAIT til my dinner guests arrive and then hear them oooh and ahhhh over my amazing green thumb! Seriously. That alone will set the mood for my fabulous menu.

Of course I'll never once MENtion the fake out bit. Why should I?? I'll be too busy receiving all kinds of compliments for my SUCH pretty Spring flowered potted plants! Instead... I'll smile very coyly just like a perfect lady and simply say WHY, THANK YOU. I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE THEM. I DO, TOO.

And now... drum roll please... here are some shots from the Linda School of Final Floral Faux's. For your viewing pleasure of course. And remember... if you think they suck... then you leave me no choice but to... uh... reply with: OH YEAH? WELL YOU SUCK, TOO. I know. I'm strict with authentic reviews on my fake endeavors. In the meantime... YIPPEE... Spring is here!














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