EVERYBODY LOVES LINDA

It's totally true that many, many people DO love me... but I'm like a mere drop in the bucket. You wanna know who they REALLY really love?? They apparently love Raymond! Big time, too! 

Including my Mother, btw. It was one of her favorite sitcoms and everytime I was with her while she was watching this show, I used to think: Jesus. Talk about way too much damn noise and commotion in this deal. Trust me... Raymond's entire household is none too quiet, in the least. Sorta like REAL home-lives where there are parents, three kids and especially, major busybody grandparents who just happen to live directly across the street! Don't ask.

In the meantime, I can't believe it for get this: I've yet again turned into my Mother! What the hell is happening to me, anyway?? 

I think it began with the fact I can no longer watch late night talk shows anymore given I am so old, I have no clue who is who. I also realized I could no longer watch even Stewart or Corbert since THEIR shows made me just too damn wired before bedtime. Which is why I had to then begin doing reruns of old sitcoms, most of which I now already know by heart. Which brings me to: 

EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND. A sitcom which I began watching a few weeks ago. Which then happened to recently escalate since my back is giving me medical issues which btw, aren't over yet. Hence I was in bed a lot the past 10 days, let's say. The next thing I know, in no time at all, this Raymond show caught my eye and I must say... it was making me chuckle QUITE a bit. It became the perfect bullshit to watch while in bed for hour after hour. So...

Given I rarely watch regular broadcast TV, I decided to stock up by recording all the showings of this particular sitcom so I'd have plenty to view while resting my back. Plenty?? Let me rephrase. I mean HORDES. For within a couple of days of recording this TV show, I looked at my playlist today and WHOA. I NOW HAVE 41 NEW RAYMOND SHOWS YET TO WATCH! How the hell did I accumulate SO DAMN MANY IN SO SHORT A TIME?? It's beyond crazy.

And oh yeah. All I can think of is that the cast from this TV show is making ZILLIONS AND ZILLIONS OF DOLLARS, for I swear to God... I never SAW so many reruns being played in a weeks' time. I'm totally jealous of them too, btw. I wanna make that kind of money, damnit.

Anyway... thanks to these hordes of playbacks, I have now been able to laugh aplenty while being indoors this week. Yes, there is still crazy ass noise and shenanigans going on in the show, but overall I do have to say: I'm totally loving the story lines! Much like my Mother did. This show has been THE perfect company for me. I mean seriously... I'll bet I've watched a good 10 per day and by the next morning... boom. Another five has been recorded. Well, sorta.

I love the dynamics of Ray and his TV wife, Debra. I get a kick out of Ray's totally intrusive Mother who puts her two cents into EVERYthing. Plus... she SO makes it obvious that her favorite kid is Raymond, much to the chagrin of his older brother. I am not into the Father too much but no matter. I am SO getting a real laugh out of these shows is all I can say. I've become addicted in one short week!

Which reminds me: it's a good thing I have this Raymond diversion because I am sorry to say that in spite of my being a complete News and/or Political junkie, I don't think I can watch the nightly 6:30 evening news any longer. It's become THE MOST DEPRESSING SHOW ON TELEVISION, EVER. I mean it.

Have you SEEN the news in the past three years?? NOTHING but horrible disasters, horrible weather reports, horrible terrorism, horrible Congressman, horrible finances, horrible crimes, horrible EVERYthing. It's making me utterly sick to my stomach!! Christ. WTF is going ON in the world lately?? 

Man. Am I ever glad I'll be kicking the bucket in the next 10 years or whatever. I'll be checking out JUST in time, believe you me. Even in his new book coming out next month, all about New World Order, Henry Kissinger basically tells us we're doomed. As in: "The concept of order that has underpinned the modern era is in crisis." Are you kidding me? Just what I need to hear. NO WONDER my f-ing back is all stressed out. It's the fall of the Roman Empire all over again!

Which is why I'm glad I'll have the next decade to simply finish watching all the Raymond reruns. First... it'll take me that long to see all the episodes and second... at least I'll be laughing my sweet little ass off. To hell with the Huffington Post. To hell with the nightly news shows. To hell with political nonsense. I just don't think I have the stomach for ANY of it anymore.


Except: a slight glitch. Without any news organizations, how the hell am I going to find out what's the latest with Joan Rivers? Or with baby Prince George? Ooops. Maybe I need to rethink this, afterall. 

THE ROYAL BAKER

I have this theory which I've mentioned often.... why walk when I can ride? Or... why drive when I can fly? Or... why go up steps when I could use an elevator? Or basically... why do anything that would expend unnecessary energy when I could easily opt for a much lazier way to get the task done? Like when my kid was born and all these hippie-dip Mothers were pureeing their own baby food mixtures or juicing their own fruits and veggies for the kid. Me? I totally took the easy way out, figuring Gerber Baby Foods already had the entire deal all down pat. Who am I to compete with the pros??

Which is pretty much how I feel when it comes to baking. Man... baking is hard. It's way more a timed and measured science than regular cooking is, often including a huge amount of steps and ingredients which in turn then mandates your having to clean an entire kitchen when it's all over. MUCH better... to my way of thinking... is to head out to the closest upscale bakery in town and let THEM do the baking! They have the whole process DEFinitely down to a proven science and besides... their stuff is ALWAYS delicious! No muss. No fuss.

Except... a few weeks ago, when I saw something on Pinterest that totally knocked me out. It's up there in the picture... QUEEN ELIZABETH COOKIES!! Oh man... was I ever thrilled. Immediately I decided I'm going to have a whole bunch of women over, make it for a 3:00 Tea Party, serve Royal Cookies and dainty Tea Sandwiches and boom. A regal celebration! 

Plus... you should SEE what these people on Pinterest do to the cookies. All KINDS of colored shiny, royal (no pun intended) frosting and decorations up the kazoo. It's amazing! These decorations too, piqued my interest but already I could see I've got a LONG way to go before I perfect THAT sort of little touch. Case in point... here's a picture of the OTHER cookie cutter I bought, but showing what OTHERS have done to spruce up the finished look.

Anyway...

In keeping with my theories of ease, I went to the store and naturally bought PRE-MADE cookie dough. Seriously... why the hell make a dough from scratch with all the ingredients AND letting it rise or whatever the hell you need to do first. Pre-made? I'm definitely their target audience. Oh yeah... I bought the Sugar Cookie dough and decided it would work perfectly.

Oh really?? Perfectly?? You SO have to be kidding me. What an f-ing idiot baker I am. A five year old could have done better!! Don't believe me?? Just you wait. 

I rolled out the amount of dough that I thought each cookie would require (the cutter was huge) and bingo I put each Queen shaped dough onto the parchment paper, and then onto the cookie sheet. THAT part was fine. I figured I could fit six Queens per sheet. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WANNA SEE HOW THEY TURNED OUT?? SITTING DOWN??

OMG. A royal DISASTER is how they turned out! What?? These DON'T look like the Queen?? Oh man. Don't even ask!

I can't TELL you how shocked I was to see how these cookies turned out! I had to burst out LAUGHing at the utter MESS of a shape these became! WTF HAPPENED? God only knows other than... were I teaching the five year old what shapes look like, I'd have had a GREAT LOOKING SQUARE GOING ON HERE. Sorta. Can you even believe this??? Where the hell is the QUEEN? Talk about a total melt down.

Of course the bullshit shape didn't keep me from tasting the huge cookies, but who cares. But seriously... I was STUNNED at the total flop my cookies turned out to be! Which then made me Google how to use store bought dough with cookie cutters. Apparently I should have put them in the refrigerator after they were on the cooking sheet so they could kinda get cool first or something. Yeah. I could do that next time, alright or...

I could just take the cookie cutter shapes and head right smack out to my favorite bakery and say: HERE. MAKE THESE SHAPES INTO SUGAR COOKIES PLEASE AND CHARGE ME WHATEVER THE HELL YOU'D LIKE. THANKS. Which is exactly what I think I am going to do, considering I'd still love to have a Tea Party. 

SMART CAR

So this is what it's like to live in the big city. You don't have to worry about public transportation. You don't have to worry about hitching a ride with someone. You don't have to worry about car payments. Plus you don't even have to worry about parking. THAT'S what I call smart.

While in Miami I was noticing all over the place cars like the one in the picture up above. Some were in traffic and some were parked on the street. Naturally at first glance, I decided that these cars were THE most definite way to make sure you get killed while driving on I-95, but then my kid told me all about it's REAL purpose. You totally won't believe it.

Turns out.. these cars, called CAR2GO... are at the disposal of anyone who has a driver's license but no car with which to use it. So... instead of your having to actually buy a car, all you have to do is walk down plenty of streets in Miami, agree to a payment of 41 cents per mile via your cellphone I think, find yourself one of these parked cars and bingo. Transportation problem solved. You now have an actual car to use for getting yourself anywhere you damn well please! It's totally easy as pie. Plus... a fantastic idea.

AND... even better... no insurance is needed. No reservation is needed. No late fees are needed. No cash is needed and best of all... gas is included!! IT'S CRAZY. Who ever HEARD of such a thing?? What you DO need however, is to find a place where you see one of these cars parked on the street and boom. You hop right in it and drive it to wherever your little heart desires. Well... after you tell the company what your preferred method of payment will be, that is.

Once you get to the place you want... you have two options. Park it so it'll be there when you finish whatever you're doing or... find a designated CAR2G0 spot on the street and park it there so the NEXT person who wants a car in the area will have access it. WHOA. What a concept! Apparently LOTS of big cities have this going on and I'm so telling you... it's ingenious.

It's also... as I said before... a sure fire way to scare the shit out of you while on the Interstate, given the car is LITTLE. Of course I would never consider driving a vehicle like this in traffic unless I was merely going to around the block or... looking for a reliable way to commit hari kari. I myself drive a full sized luxury automobile and even then I'd still never do the Interstate. So given that this CAR2GO is way more along the lines of being in a bumper car at a carnival, I'd ALMOST feel safer riding a bike. But whatever. Apparently there are plenty of people willing to chance it, thus this car lending deal is pretty popular. 

What is an even BETTER idea however is that you never again have to have find change for a parking meter in Miami! WHOA. TOTALLY EXCELLENT IDEA. All my kid ever does is hold his cell phone up to a meter, let it scan something and boom. You're all paid up. Talk about the way of the future! At first I gave up saving quarters for washing machines, then I gave up saving quarters for pay phones, and NOW I can give up saving quarters for parking! Well, in big cities, anyway.


Besides... I'll bet parking meters in major metropolis' probably now only take dollar bills in today's market. IF you even need to use cash for meters anymore. Man... I'm getting old.

FERNANDO

Fernando is a common enough name, granted. But what isn't so common at all, is Fernando BOTERO. That's him in the picture up above.

He's my alltime favorite artist and I just marvel at his HUGE, monumental, stunning creations. For 20 years I've had this particular framed print of his that you see below, hanging above my bedroom dresser and I love it everytime I look at it. Botero is known for larger than life shaped people. I'd say this is maybe 38"x 28". Doesn't matter though, for what's way more important is that...

Botero is a wildly world famous artist, having had shows in the most prestigious of art museums world over. At first glance you might think they are sculptures or paintings of really fat people. But you would be wrong. True, Botero's works are of major full bodied, exaggerated people (and animals) but when you look at the details of his paintings you notice how delicate these people are. Case in point: the red colored finger nail tips on his women. The detailed clothing of his men and children, etc. etc. The nudes are big, but shapely and evenly proportioned. Well kinda, anyway. 

Botero's sculptures have traveled to every corner of the world, often times lining the main streets of a city. The Champs Elysees in Paris for instance, all over Medellin, Colombia (from where Fernando himself hails) Park Avenue in New York and even all along Michigan Avenue in Chicago, which is where I personally saw hordes of this astounding outdoor art. It was breath taking, is all I can say.

When he isn't exhibiting an entire collection let's say, Botero's art pieces are ALL OVER THE PLACE in famous museums, buildings or parks throughout the world. Anyway... why am I telling you all this?? BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS...

When in Miami recently, my son and I spent a couple of days in the downtown Art District and while we were moseying down one of it's streets, WHAT SHOULD WE F'ING SEE BUT AN ENTIRE EXHIBIT OF BOTERO'S STATUTES!!! We both freaked with utter delight!!

HOW THE HELL DID THEY KNOW I WAS IN TOWN AND WOULD LOVE SEEING THESE?? Not only were there about ten statutes all lined up outside one of the galleries, but INSIDE were hordes of smaller sculptures... all so exquisite and all so amazing. I can't even tell you how much I thought I had died and gone to heaven. THANK YOU GARY NADER GALLERY FOR THIS MOST BEAUTIFUL EXHIBIT EVER!!

This whole unexpected delight was totally a major highlight of my trip to the City Crapola. Such a delight in fact, that I am happy to show you some shots I took of some of the artwork I enjoyed that day. Most of the pictures can't possibly do justice to the works, nor can you appreciate the size of the pieces. Case in point: the red high heel is larger than I am!


Regardless... in spite of all the artwork I saw, I can only promise you at one thing. If ever you're walking down a street or in a museum and you happen upon a gigantic, beautiful sculpture made of bronze (I think) and you go WHOA. HOLY MOTHER F... bingo. You'll know in a heartbeat, you're viewing art by Fernando Botero. There's just nothing like him.

Oh yeah...hard as it is for me to believe... some of you may not recognize these two folks... so let me just say: Coco Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld, who took over as chief designer for Chanel in 1983. See Coco's logo on each of these? The paintings were BIG and beautiful.

Lastly... for those of you who, like me, can't get enough... click on this link and check out other Botero works: They're simply fantastic.  YIPPEE. MORE BOTERO!

I WENT. I CONQUERED. I LOVED IT.

Well. Well. Well. Ain't this a kick in the ass. My kid graduated! Post graduate degree, I might add. I am sooooo damn happy for him, I can't even tell you. I just spent a fantastic week with him and it was simply wonderful. Particularly the Pinning Ceremony where my son finally became CERTIFIED. Not certifiable, mind you. Certified. BIG DIFFERENCE. As in: a Certified Physician Assistant!

I can't believe it but once again, I ventured down to Miami in the thick of summer. I could go on and on all about THAT but who has the time? In the meantime, I had great fun being with my son and I felt great pride for his accomplishment. Naturally I felt equal happiness of course, for the fact he's finally on his own, financially. But... whatever.

Granted, I was ready to slit my wrists over the length of the ceremony given there were only 47 slots for this program, but once it was over it was time to celebrate. I hosted a dinner for 12 of us that night and I was thrilled. The next evening was a quieter dinner with just 4 people. Plus I got to see my kid with his sister and brother all together once again. It's been years since we've all hooked up in once place at the same time for a totally happy reason. Anyway...

I also spent a particularly couple of fantastic days with my son taking me to the amazingly built up Art District of Miami which I definitely have to blog about at another time. I got to see friends and family. I got to actually shop in Nordstroms. And yippee... I got to eat real bagels, lox and cream cheese, hot pastrami and superb dinners. The only thing I didn't get to down, was a hard core slice of cherry cheese cake but seriously. Who had the room?? In the meantime...

As soon as I arrived, my son and I went straight to the uniform store to pick up his monogramed white coat which by the way, reminds me. He chose ME to have the honor of putting the coat on him during the ceremony and you can only iMAGine the smile on my face. See the coat up above? See the C after the PA? Yay. It means: Physician Assistant Certified! Which in turn means: this coat is longer in length than his other white coat which has an S, signifying: Student. Basically only the officials can wear the longer coats.

I took a zillion pictures and one of these days I'll upload them to a web album. Oh yeah... one of the shots will be that of a hand made, hand decorated card made by one of the hotel agents, Katrine, who was tickled pink that I had returned for yet another visit. IT WAS SO GREAT walking into the room and finding this welcome treat on my bed! 

I also took a zillion pictures of... get this!... an art exhibit that we just happened upon of my alltime favorite artist, Fernando Botero!! It was an unbelievable surprise for me which is a whole other blog altogether. Talk about timing is everything.

For now all I can say is the Physician Assistant program in no easy feat in the least. Only 50 candidates out of hundreds were selected to participate. Thus, I particularly loved all the shots that were up on the jumbo screen of the students during the entire two year program. Especially the ones of MY KID!

Oh yeah... I totally hated the shot of him working with a cadaver given I have always made him obey my law of NEVER viewing anyone who's already kicked the bucket. I did love however, seeing picts of his team winning the big national PA Conference jeopardy type bowl in Boston last March. A team trip which I'm happy to say, my son organized given he had been elected as the school representative to the American Academy of PAs.


In closing... I am SO happy I was able to share my child's success but I can SO tell you just as I told him: it'll be a LONG f'ing time before I ever see Miami again. Oh man... that city is now just way too intense for me. On the other hand... Thank you God for all the pride I felt for my son. Now... please let him pass the state exam and then help him find a JOB. Thank you God. Amen. 

"I AM NOT A CROOK"

I assume everyone is familiar with this quote. At least I hope so for if not, then you've been living in a cave and it's time you came out. Or at least become educated. Anyway...

This quote was stated by Richard Nixon while in the throes of the Watergate hearings... which by the way I watched live, from gavel to gavel. It was by far the most riveting show I had ever seen in my life and I couldn't bear to miss a minute of it. For me... Bill and Monica were NOTHING compared to this. Besides... who doesn't love sex? In the meantime...

Apparently Nixon was WAY crooked when he uttered this sentence. And he was horribly anti-semitic. And he was bigoted. And he was most of all... A LIAR. Don't even ask. There is nothing in the world that I can think of to admire about this man in any way whatsoever. I felt this while he was President and I still feel so today. Now... all my feelings have been totally confirmed. How so you may ask???

Because last night, I was riveted once again as I watched an HBO special: NIXON ON NIXON. PLEASE DO NOT MISS THIS. We get to see Nixon talking in his own words during all his days' work, with all the tape transcriptions shown on screen. Basically: visual and audio.

Hopefully you already know that come to find out, Nixon had a hidden tape recorder in the Oval Office, thus lo and behold everything we ever needed to know about his shenanigans were saved for posterity. All the tapes have finally been released in total and man o man are THEY ever priceless. Let alone a fantastic way to document not only his crookedness but also his hatred.

Hatred for the Press, hatred for the Jews, hatred for the protesters of the Viet Nam war, hatred for all religions other than his own, hatred for almost every God damn thing possible. Plus, as I mentioned... he LIED. About everything, if you ask me. You should HEAR Nixon's slurs. It's so damn deplorable. 

When I saw the footage of what was going on in North Viet Nam, I was stunned. Mainly because Nixon was totally more interested in his own political gain rather than interested in the fighting men who were carrying out his orders. It's heartbreaking... especially if you know anyone who actually fought in that war. He absolutely lied about the Peace Talks and it infuriates me to no end.

I love history and I love politics. But whoa. THIS documentary marries the two in the most insulting, frightening way possible. Thank God all the tapes have now been released for they show without a doubt how deserving Nixon was in being the first and only President to have resigned from office.


The only other President to even come close to how disturbing Nixon was, is naturally...  George W. Bush. And believe me... were HE to have had tapes recording his each and every word, he too would be shown as reprehensible as I've always thought. 

Bottom line: congratulations John Dean. F.Y. Dick Nixon. Sympathies Julie and Trisha.

WELCOME ONE AND ALL!

Yay!! I can have friends over once again! Without having to feel as if they are entering a Granny house, too! I am totally thrilled about it. So is my kid since he's the one who first told me about four years ago that we can't ever have people over again given my purchase of a new sofa. In the STORE it looked great. But once I got it home OOPS. Coupled with the two new recliners, all of a sudden I had a Granny type looking family room.

Well... that's all changed now, thank goodness. Ever since I got the new sofa, I had put off a pretty important chore: buy a new rug for under the table and make things look more modern. For a LONG time, I had a color blocked rug with pretty intense colors. Colors that with the new furniture, made everything look sorta dated and crappy. So.... last week I decided to bite the bullet and begin a search for a new sort of monochromatic rug that would work with my furniture.

That's it in the picture up above. Granted, the picture was taken at night, without natural light, so the hue of everything is kinda off. But in real life, it really DOES look like it all belongs together. Regardless, you get the idea, anyway. So... here's how I pulled this off.

First I went to a local store and looked through all their hordes of rugs. No cigar. Then I came home, went online and began searching stores that I figured might have something I'd like. Again, no cigar. Then I decided to just Google ROUND RUGS and whammo. First place that came up was like a RUGS R US type place. Boom. I clicked on it.

The drop down menu had a category called CONTEMPORARY which I figured might work. I clicked on it. One of the first things I saw was this tone on tone type rug in my picture and decided... hmmm.... I think this could work. So I called the place which happened to be in South Carolina. Jeni answered the phone was maybe the most helpful salesperson EVER. She tells me: 1.) it's 50% off 2.) today is Thursday so we can send it out to you tomorrow 3.) you'll get it the day after that 4.) no shipping or handling costs and 5.) if you don't like it, send it back with no charge at all.

REALLY?? TALK ABOUT PAIN FREE SHOPPING. Man. Was I ever thrilled. In the meantime, just as Jeni promised, the rug arrived in like a day and a half and it took me no time at all to switch out rugs and in a flash I LOVED MY NEW THROW RUG. It totally switched up the Granny looking family room to a WAY more contemporary feel! I couldn't believe it. I never saw this in person. I never handled the fabric in person. And I never scrutinized the color lot in person. BUT YOU'D THINK I DID.

BTW... as soon as the rug arrived, I invited some friends to come over on the pretense of having drinks and appetizers. Little did they know that as soon as they walked in I had to tell the men: OH YEAH. I LIED. I DIDN'T REALLY ASK YOU OVER JUST FOR FUN. FIRST, I NEED YOU TO SWITCH OUT MY RUGS SINCE THE GLASS ON THE TABLE IS TOO HEAVY FOR ME TO LIFT BY MYSELF. THANKS. DO THAT AND THEN I'll get to entertaining part. THANKS! Which naturally I did, so we could all then sit and admire my new online purchase. I know... major hidden agenda on my part, right? Yeah, but in the meantime I got rave reviews.

I then quickly took a picture of it so I could text it to my kid telling him: YIPPEE! We can now have people over again! We don't have a Granny looking home anymore! We've finally gotten a new rug! Which he was totally thrilled to hear btw, given he just may wind up calling this HIS home someday.


In the meantime, I couldn't be happier. I love Jeni. I love my new rug. And I love knowing I am not a Granny any longer. The room now has a WAY more modern feel to it and believe me... I'm nothing if not in tune with the times.

POPCORN TO POPSICLES

For some crazy reason, my body is taking over my recent food choices. Case in point: after several years of dining several times a week on chicken and salmon, one day about five months ago... my body simply rebelled. NO MORE OF THAT HEALTHY CRAP, PLEASE. I NEED HARD CORE MEAT ONCE AGAIN!! AND A LOT OF IT, TOO!

So.... starting last January, for three months straight, I ate and/or made every kind of meat possible. From pot roast (my alltime favorite) to beef ribs to steaks to hamburgers. From roast beef sandwiches to kosher hotdogs to skirt steak. (also my favorite)  My cravings were absolutely for carnivorous foods only. Name the beef, I ate it. And with plenty of delight too, I might add. I'm actually still into that particular addiction as we speak.

Then, in addition to the chicken/salmon rebellion... for some inexplicable reason... my body also decided to rebel against my late night addiction to popcorn. THAT'S IT. GET RID OF THAT CRAPPY TASTING POPCORN AND MOVE ONTO SOMETHING HALFWAY DECENT. EVEN IF IT'S BAD. JUST MOVE ON. So bingo. I did.

It all began with the beginning of summer which is not only my least favorite season... that's an understatement at best... but a season which I just simply detest. The heat of summer puts me in a crap ass mood and I just want to sit in my house and veg out for 12 long weeks until autumn arrives. Which btw is the only saving grace of enduring the summer.

That said... to help me make through the summer months, one day in June I decided to buy a box of sugar free Popsicles. Big mistake. I needed THREE  boxes. Who the hell knew I would become SO addicted to these most delicious treats ever. And that I would eat four of them about 4 o'clock every afternoon and then 4 more before bedtime! THEY ARE FANTASTIC! And... they cool you down in no time at all. Oh yeah. Thank God I bought the 20 pack box. 

Bear in mind that when I say 4... I really mean 2. Because unlike when I grew up, when Popsicles came 2 sticks attached to each other, nowadays they come in mere halfsies. As in: individual sticks. But trust me... I am eating way more in a sitting than anyone other than a sumo wrestler should be having. But... I CAN'T HELP IT. THEY ARE SO DELICIOUS I TOTALLY NEED A NICE HEFTY HELPING TO QUENCH MY APPARENT RIDICULOUS CRAVINGS. Honestly... I should be a spokesperson for this company or something.

What I love most are the cherry, grape and maybe the pineapple flavors. But for the pineapple, you have to buy the sugar free TROPICAL Popsicle box. Which naturally I did. I am so telling you... my freezer looks like I'm the Good Humor man readying his stash for the next business day. Believe me... I'd love to go around the neighborhood selling these deals to the kids. The higher cost I would charge for each one, could easily off set the monies I am spending on my OWN consumption.

The best news btw is: they have only 15 calories each, I think. No sugar, no carbs, no whatever else and of course... no nutrition. But who's counting. They DO have however, the best flavor ever and the ability to bring down your body temp in a heartbeat. Until I'm like almost freezing inside, actually. WARNING: try to turn up the a.c. thermostat before you down 4 of these. You'll be glad you did.

Anyway... just how long this new twice daily addiction will be in play, I can't tell you. But I am so going to enjoy this ride til my body begins craving something else entirely. I suspect once the afternoon temps stay in the mid 70s let's say... I'll have to consider some OTHER addiction, I think. 

Which is going to be interesting. I love listening to my body and I'm pretty tuned into it so I'm kinda eager to hear what it's going to tell me next. On the other hand... if my body decides to crave things like daily chocolate layer cake or bowls of rocky road ice cream OOPS. I'll be in way big trouble!


Dear God... please let me become to addicted to sliced granny smith apples next time. Or maybe even raisins. Thank you God. Amen. 

LOVE GONE WRONG

Oh man... I just can't believe it. All my sweet, childhood dreams of romantic love have suddenly all been shot to hell and I'm heartbroken. Dreams that I've loved and enjoyed for over 50 years. It happened last night and I have no clue when I'll be able to actually wrap my head around it all. IT'S CRUSHING.

As many of you may know... I have been enamored with everything Royal ever since I was a 16 year old in high school. It began with a book that I got from my school library all about the Duke of Windsor having given up his throne for the love of a woman. That particular woman being: Wallis Simpson, a twice divorced American, heavy into social climbing. A woman that the British people would never never ever allow to become Queen, let alone even consort to King Edward VIII. Which btw, he never became and is the total reason why we even have Queen Elizabeth II today. Anyway...

Turns out the British needn't have worried for rather than give up Wallis, Edward decided to give up becoming King. Whoa. Now THERE'S a love story if ever there was and I fell for it hook, line and sinker as only a teen aged love struck school girl possibly could. Besides... I was in the throes of my very first true love myself so what can I say. It was just oh so romantic for a girl ruled by her heart and I was a sucker for it all.

And... ever since then, I've thrillingly adored every single word I've ever read about the English monarchy from that day forward. Thus, I've read PLENTY, you can be sure. Then last night... THE FANTASTICAL ROMANCE AND TRUE LOVE BETWEEN EDWARD AND WALLIS CAME TO A CRUSHING HALT FOR ME. To say that I've not been the same since is an UNDERstatement at best.

Granted. Wallis has had HORRIBLE press ever since this love story first came to be known. The Brits hated her. The royal family hated her. The newspapers hated her. The government hated her. HORDES of people hated her. Why? Easy. She was the supposed slut who stole the King from his people. Except: NEWS FLASH:

Come to find out however, WALLIS WANTED TO GIVE UP THE YET TO BE CROWNED KING ALTOGETHER!!! SHE APPARENTLY DIDN'T REALLY LOVE HIM AFTERALL!!

WHAT THE FUCK?? Hoax I say. HOAX! But... alas, the last laugh is on me.

Turns out: as long as he was Prince, Wallis was having a ball. Imagining she'd have to be at his side while King... uh... thanks but no thanks. Apparently Wallis never loved him all THAT much, afterall!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? THE ROMANCE DIDN'T MEAN ALL THAT MUCH TO HER AFTER ALL THE HISTORICAL SHENANIGANS OF ALMOST DESTROYING THE ENTIRE MONARCHY?? Oh my God. WHO THE HELL KNEW??

Certainly not Edward, I'll tell you that. Besides, he had SUCH an obsessed love for Wallis he wouldn't HEAR of her not marrying him and next thing you know... in spite of her saying I'm not really so sure anymore that I want to go through with this... she found herself way too deep into everything, that she basically HAD to marry Edward. Oh man... what a reversal of the greatest love story ever!! Perfect example of: be careful what you wish for! Man... talk about an explosive shock to my romantic system.

So how do I now know all this intriguing new information?? Because lo and behold on PBS last night, I saw a special broadcast showing the actual letters Wallis Simpson had written during this entire historical crisis. Love letters no less, and guess what? THEY WEREN'T TO EDWARD.

Instead they were to MR. SIMPSON who coincidentally Wallis was... with deep regret, come to find out... divorcing at the moment! 

It would take too long to spell out all the details here but suffice it to say yes, both Mr. and Mrs. Simpson moved on to marry others BUT they also had very very tender feelings for each other in 1936. Had the Duke of Windsor known this he would have freaked, I am sure, But nonetheless, I am also sure he'd have married Wallis regardless. Edward's frightening obsessive adoration for the love of his life would have left him no other choice. The man was weirdly, completely, eccentrically, addicted to this woman until the day he died.

Which brings me to the bottom line: Talk about love going all wrong! Oh... it was fine for the Duke but for the rest of the Duchess' life, she sorta treated Edward like crapola. And the more she did, the more he catered to her each and every whim. Go figure.

All I know is that the Duke of Windsor must be rolling over in his grave today given the fact that Prince Charles actually MARRIED his mistress... Camilla. To hell with the Church of England. To hell with the fact that Camilla was also a divorced woman. Let alone the downfall of poor Diana's marriage. Plus... after all the hoopla about Edward wanting Wallis to have a title of Her Royal Highness, turns out there is a good possibility that Camilla could even become a titled Queen. EEEKS. Whether or not she ever WILL become Queen is up for grabs. Half the Kingdom says absolutely not while the other half says OK... what the hell. It's 2014 now. 


Which means: it's almost a totally good thing the Duke of Windsor has already kicked the bucket. Were he to know just how far the British Monarchy and the British people have come since his abdication over Wallis and her title, I can guarantee you... he'd kick the bucket in seconds flat all over again. 

As for me... oh I may be crushed alright but I'll still never give up on authentic true love. It's in my blood. In blue blood, too.

LIVE LIKE A QUEEN

Ahh... if only. For there is definitely something to living life as a royal. You get so many choices and better yet, you get to request that your staff carry out almost any wish that may pop into your head. Including times you might feel like you just want to take a time out from the rest of the world. Kinda like Greta Garbo: I VANT TO BE ALONE. Geez... now THAT'S something I could easily learn to live with.

Being that I am NOT royal however, means that I sort of have to roll with the punches and deal with all sorts of intrusions any time, day or night. Without anyone filtering them for me, either. Could be the phone. Could be friends dropping in at the last minute. Could be text messages. Could be ANYthing. Unless of course...

People would just please obey THIS SIGN! For a variety of reasons, it just knocks my socks off. The fact that I could hang this regal sign up and then know that I've got peace and quiet any time I want, is just fantastic if you ask me. And... to imagine that it is a Queen's directive is all the better.

I got this sign as a birthday present last May. I fell in love with it immediately! First of all... it's a LARGE sign. Second of all, it's a royal command. Third of all, it touts authority. And forth of all, I should only BE so lucky as have people obey my wishes. You're a pain the ass, for example? Perfect... I will NOT be listening to you! You're full of crap? No problem. I will NOT be talking to you, either. You're God forbid lying to me? I have no need for you whatsoever. You get the picture... you simply may not have an audience. End of discussion.

What really gets me however is that this gift was purchased for me way before my birthday! Someone saw it. Someone thought of me. Boom. Someone bought it for me. Knowing of course, I'd be having a birthday in a few months. Talk about knowing your target audience. I opened this gift while sitting out on their deck, sipping wine and then whammo. I jumped for joy when I saw it! How absolutely perfect was this for me! I just loved it.

As I love it today. What's even better is that if I DO want to hang with you then yippee. No problem. All I have to do is remove the inner NOT part of the sign and boom. You're granted my full attention.


Frankly... I think it's a perfect way for a couple to give a heads' up for their romantic intentions for the evening, btw. As in: no need to guess what the likelihood of your scoring may be that particular night. The Queen is accepting an audience? Bingo. You're good to go. She is not... oops. Try again tomorrow night. Actually now that I think about it... I can probably think of a zillion ways this sign can come in pretty handy. Just another perk of living like a Queen. Ahh... if only.  

PATIENCE PAYS OFF

I am not normally a particularly patient woman. I hate waiting. For almost everything. Make me wait too long on line, for my order to appear at the table or be backed up in traffic and I could EASily become one mighty unhappy woman. On the other hand, maybe there IS something to the old saying: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT. In this case, I waited about at least year and a half.

See that ring on my finger up above? It's one of my alltime favorite rings that I wear pretty much every day. Well... I DID wear it everyday until one day BOOM. IT DISAPPEARED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Teresa and I have been looking for it everywhere, for way over a year. REALly looking for it, too! And alas... to no avail, damnit. So basically... I just got used to the idea the ring was kaput and one day when I kick the bucket, my kid will clear everything out of my house and then HE'LL find it.

Then the other day... what should occur but... as I was taking a plastic bag out of my bathroom closet, I found a bag from a department store here in town and GUESS WHAT. I found the ring!!! I was in absolute utter shock and happy amazement. THIS is where the ring has been hiding all this time!! YIPPEE. I CAN WEAR IT AGAIN! I couldn't WAIT to tell Teresa which I showed her as soon as I saw her yesterday. She was as stunned as I was, believe you me. And, just as thrilled. It was like a major miracle occurred for me!

I am assuming what must have happened was: I was at the department store, bought a ring one day, took off this black one, put it in my bag, and whammo. Wore the NEW ring home. Naturally once I got home, I emptied the bag of my purchases, absolutely not realizing the ring was left, still at the bottom of the bag. I put the plastic bag away and next thing you know... I've lost my favorite black ring for ever and ever.

Well... for almost two years, anyway. The lost ring broke my heart, but I must admit, I did have about 50 other fashion ring choices in my jewelry case to help ease the pain. You can check them out in picture down below. Of course I also have other "fine" jewelry rings but those are kept in a different place altogether.  

It's sorta hard for me to decide which my actual favorite is: rings, bracelets or earrings. Given I lost my dearly treasured initial necklace a couple of years ago, I am now somewhat numbed about necklaces but whatever. I guess if I HAD to choose... hmmm.... I suppose I'd have to say rings are my true favorite pieces of jewelry. Kinda like Queen Victoria who trust me... had definite JEWELS. The fact rings have now become huge oversized statement pieces and often filled with plenty of bling is simply icing on the cake for me. Definitely up my alley!


I happen to think that along with shoes... a woman can simply never have too many jewels. You just never know what mood will strike you as you dress each day, thus you basically need to have huge selections to help match mood. Let alone the outfit. Lucky for me however, I not only have plenty of shoes but also... plenty of jewelry, too. ESPECIALLY my favorite black ring once again. Thank you God for making me smile. Amen.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL ALIVE

Because trust me... I totally wanted to die for I just can't beLIEVE how sick I've been, off and on, since May. And as of a week ago, I thought I was pretty much on my last legs. This is the craziest story ever.

So as it happens... ever since May I have been to the doctors umpteen times. My sinuses were infected, my allergies were knocking me out, my breathing was difficult, the coughing alone was this far from doing me in. God only KNOWS what else was going on. 

I had even been to two doctors about five times in total in the past eight weeks, I'll bet. Not counting the trip to Urgent Care one Sunday morning about a couple of weeks ago. I was on all kinds of meds, inhalers and treatments and although I was perfectly fine in Miami, before and after the trip I was simply miserable and oh so sick.

In fact, I was all prepared to go my son's graduation at the end of this month and then immediately high tail it to some sort of specialist after my return, so they could run major tests on me given I was SURE I was sporting some sort of deadly disease. Besides... I've been losing weight out of the blue and the other day I even decided that once I got the bad news of something really bad going on with me... I was not even going to put myself through hard ass treatments and instead would just call it a day without prolonging things.

On the other hand however... today, FINALLY... I think I'm going to be okay afterall which means I can probably forego the horrible diagnosis and/or treatments. Hallefuckinglujah. So what's the secret to my recovery after these past two and a half months? Oh man.. you'll so never believe it.

It began with Ollie and I being out on my deck late last week and he had his paws up upon my knees while we were chit chatting as I was petting his face, etc. Then... when he got down, I noticed there were a couple of dog hairs on my skirt, so I whisked them away and then, right then and there BINGO.

I HAD AN EPIPHANY. A LIGHT WENT OFF IN MY HEAD. I FIGURED IT OUT!! FINALLY I KNEW WHY I WAS ON THE BRINK OF DEATH ALL THESE WEEKS.

Sitting down?? I WAS ALLERGIC TO OLLIE!! His fur. His dander. His EVERYthing! OMG. I've been trying to get well all this time yet it was all for naught since the dog was making me... what else... SICK AS A DOG!! I was STUNNED at my realization. I could not beLIEVE what was going on; how I didn't even figure it out earlier, I'll never know. IT WAS A NO BRAINER.

Which only means: Ollie was in fact the best alltime pet ever BUT... not so fantastic that I was willing to die for him. I simply had to wrap my head around everything and then I just had to face the music: Ollie had to go. I just couldn't live like that anymore. Bottom line??

I am sad to say... Ollie is now back at the Humane Society where I pray some really nice family will adopt him all over again. I felt horrible about having to do this, for I am sure I fucked him up but plenty by his being given up by his first owner, then living at the Humane Society, then living at home with me, then whammo. Bringing him back to the Humane Society all over again. But I just had no choice. I can't die for a dog.

So the moral of this story: GUESS WHAT? I'M ALIVE ONCE AGAIN! I CAN BREATH ONCE AGAIN. MY SINUSES ARE NON INFECTED ONCE AGAIN. I AM COUGH FREE ONCE AGAIN. And... I AM MED FREE ONCE AGAIN, TOO. The difference in my health is like night and day. Even Teresa said this morning she can't get over how much better I look and sound! Granted... I weigh less now than I have in the past five years so for all I know maybe I AM suffering from some sort of ridiculous disease. Although I'm not as convinced as I surely was before I returned Ollie.


In the meantime... yes returning Ollie was a difficult decision to make but man am I thrilled to be alive again. And hopefully... disease free. I will say this however. If I lose another five pounds lets say, then for sure I'm running to some sort of specialist afterall. I'll feel terrific true, but seriously... since when does weight just decide to fall off of me? Uh... think: never! Dear God... please take good care of Ollie and oh yeah. Thanks for taking good care of me, too. Amen. 

MY FAVORITE SOCIAL MEDIA

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Social media today normally refers to information shared over networks either virtually or digitally. I myself decided however, that in the olden days, social media was probably done best via the television, telephone or even the U.S. Mail... all of which I still use in today's world regardless of the digital age. And yesterday... I discovered that the U.S. Mail may well be my alltime favorite way of sharing information. Why? Easy. Because get this...

Today who should I get a letter from but the Social Security Administration and believe you me, I was tickled pink from the information they shared with me. No. Wait. A better way to describe it is: I WAS ECSTATIC. Who the F knew??

First of all I must say I totally love Social Security. In fact, combine that with Medicare and I'm in hog's heaven. These two organizations totally make being in your mid 60s a major treat. And today I have to say that it became an even better treat!

All I know is that today I very innocently opened two letters from the Social Security Administration and guess what! THEY WANT TO TRIPLE THE AMOUNT OF MY MONTHLY BENEFIT!! I was in SHOCK. Happily in shock mind you, but still... in unbelievable shock. For a good long five minutes all I can tell you is that I stared at the letters and kept saying aloud: OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH, SOCIAL SECURITY! You're the best damn organization EVER. Well... except for Hospice Care, maybe.

I am so telling you... I couldn't believe it. I saw the numbers and my eyes bulged aplenty. I so never saw this coming. It's like one of those moments you almost think: Whoa. I'm not telling anyone one damn thing about this unexpected present for fear it could turn out to be a lie and I'm not REALLY supposed to be getting this increase. Yet in this case, I AM SUPPOSED TO. Which only means: Yipppeee hallelujah! Thank you ever so much Social Security! I love you! 

As you might imagine, I simply didn't know who to call first to rave about my extraordinarily good fortune. I decided two things right off the bat though: 1.) I would tell my kid last and 2.) I'll call my accountant first. Afterall... why let my kid know I have extra monies I could maybe spend on him if I wanted (which I don't want, btw) and yet I better clear this with my accountant to be sure it's not a lie. (turns out it's not) I mean seriously... due to both the postal service and Social Security... I am thrilled to no end.

And, in neither case did I have to go to a chat room, a web site, my mobile device or ANYwhere in the technological world. All I had to do was go outside to my own personal mail box at the front of my house! Now how easy was THAT? The least stressful social connection ever, if you ask me.  

Factor in the fact that I LOVE happy surprises and I LOVE presents of any kind so boom. Today was a red letter day all over the place. As it happens I know now exactly why I got the increase in my Social Security but that doesn't take away the thrill of it all in the least. I especially love the speed with which this organization got it's numbers tallied and got the adjusted info sent to me. SOMEone at this place is way on top of their game.  


Bottom line: granted... digital social media is here to stay. But the oldie goldie method of transmitting info is apparently working just as well for me at the moment. Besides, I adore the computerized automatic direct deposit I set up for all my Soc. Sec. checks. Basically meaning: who said you can't mix the old with the new? 

Dear God: thank you ever so much for this unexpected treat. I will spend it wisely. Maybe. Amen.

RED IS THE NEW BLACK??

Who knew great minds thought alike?? Talk about like Mother, like son. 

Meaning: how much did I love it when I was wearing my own pair of new red glasses, only to find that my kid was sporting a pair as well! What a great coincidence. And, I totally love his as much as I love mine. See? I KNEW summer was the time to bring out a splash of color for the season.

You can only imagine how glad I was to see my son again, regardless of his fine taste in frame selection. Although, seeing his color choice definitely upped my respect for him even more. I treasure every minute being with my kid which is nothing new, really. I ALWAYS love being with him. And... even better... I do believe he loves being me as well.


Not enough to want to move closer to NC, mind you, but whatever. Which is way too bad given I'd happily bribe him with pocket change aplenty, were he to reconsider. In the meantime, I'll settle for just seeing him happy.  

DON'T EVEN THINK IT

I'm so telling you. Don't go. Well... unless you absolutely have to, but even then, try NOT to go. Unfortunately, I myself HAD to go. So sure enough... I went. It's crazy ass hectic. It's oppressively hot. It's crowded as hell. It's the last place on earth I ever want to be. So where is this place of which I'm speaking??

Uh... it's Miami. Oops. I'm sorry. No. It's not Miami. It's SUPPOSED to be Miami, except it totally isn't. Instead... it's Latin American. Seriously. That's Miami now.

Within the 12 years since I've left for good... for much the same reasons I've just listed above... I can't beLIEVE what changes have occurred in the city of my birth and many many years of my youth and adulthood. Now don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against Latin America. It's perfectly fine for those wishing to visit Brazil, Columbia, Argentina, Venezuela, Ecuador, etc. etc. You'll see some of the most beautiful, vibrant countries in the world there.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO VISIT MIAMI... you basically can't. You'll have to instead, visit the pretend Miami since... as I've already said... it is now totally: Latin America. It's NOTHING like the real Miami in which I grew up. The architecture is Latin. The food is Latin. The shops are Latin. For SURE the language is comPLETEly Latin. In fact, several years ago, even TIME magazine called Miami the capital of Latin America. And trust me... IT IS. Man... it just blew my mind.

And.. get this. To drive home the point even further for me, I had to go to Miami at the height of the soccer World Cup deal no less! You have no idea what's doing down there. I was in the Brickell Village area on Saturday night and I'm telling you... it felt exactly like entire Latin America met Times Square on New Year's Eve! It was completely unbelievable.

I even had to whip out my camera over and over again to simply take in the entire scene. Processing all the restaurants, all the outdoor bars, all the zillions HUGE high rises that were under construction, all the cars, all the PEOPLE, all the noises, all the EVERYTHING was an onslaught to one's senses. Granted, an energetic, happy onslaught, but a LATIN AMERICAN onslaught nevertheless. What happened to the Coral Gables, South Miami and/or Miami Beach in which I grew up, I can't begin to even tell you. Other than it decided to basically not be a part of the United States anymore. It decided to be Latino.

By the way... speaking of how many people are living there now, you should SEE the size of the airport nowadays. I had to walk MILES before I got to baggage claim. I mean it... getting through that airport took actual miles to maneuver by foot. I WAS EXHAUSTED by the time I got from the plane and walked away with my one stupid little checked bag. Granted every Latin American who helped direct me, spoke English but I swear. I thought the walk to the claim rounders would never end.


Anyway... I went to Miami because I had to and in spite of it being a difficult reason, I must say: I had a fantastic time. I totally loved everything I ate. I totally loved seeing everyone I had to. Most of all, I totally loved being in a pool once again. Oh yeah. Heads' up: if you DO have to go to Miami... sorry, I mean Latin America... you SO have to be sure you hop into the pool for a couple of hours every day just to bring down your body temp. No wonder I was in my pool everyday when I lived there. IT'S CRAZY ASS HOT outside.

Just looking around at all the things, whether it be traffic, people, buildings, signs, whatever... is like major visual excess. On the other hand...

I better learn to live with it because in six weeks... guess what. I have to GO BACK THERE YET AGAIN. Oh man. I can't believe it. Granted, the next time will be for a happy reason indeed, but still. The entire experience gives a whole new meaning to sensory overload. Including your sense of taste for I do have admit... the food was absolutely superb. Exceptionally pricey, yes, but totally worth it.  

VICTIM OF THEFT

Omigod. You won't believe this. Guess what! Today some people stole my shopping bag!! THE BASTARD THIEVES. I can't even TELL you how upset I am. Of course it was sorta my fault for having mistakenly left the bag in my cart but still. THEY STOLE MY BAG OF PERFUMES, COSTING ME $108.89 FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NOW!!

F.Y., YOU FILTHY THIEVES.

Man. What a crazy ass experience. So it all began this morning when I saw I had no more back up perfumes in my bathroom cabinet. Which meant: I better stock up and SOON. Thus after I got made up and dressed this morning I figured what the hell. I'll run over to the mall and hit the department store to buy what I needed. The department store which btw, no long sells my REAL perfume of choice: Opium. Don't ask. That's another story altogether.

In the meantime, the bottom line is I have to now buy my second choice of scents which is Youth Dew and just like Opium, it has a very strong, intense, beautiful scent. Oh yeah... I'm totally into strong, long lasting perfumes so that basically not only do I smell absolutely fantastic when near you, but more importantly, way after I walk away from you. Talk about leaving a lasting impression, right??

Anyway... it sorta worked out in my favor given Opium perfume... oops... I mean PARFUM... is now about $120 a bottle and Youth Dew is only $35. Okay. So I go to the store. I buy 3 bottles of perfume and bingo. The deed is done. Until that is... I spot a perfectly great handbag that I figured would be excellent for traveling, etc. I think and think and next thing you know, I'm paying for the bag, getting a nice little 30% off I might add. Then I head out of the store.

This is when the troubles begin. I approach the exit door, take my purse out of the cart, then the bag with the new purse in it and I leave the store. LIKE A STUPID IDIOT, FORGETTING TO TAKE THE BAG OF PERFUMES WITH ME, DAMNIT. I can't beLIEVE what an asshole I was but what can I tell you. I'm old.

Naturally, when I get home I realized IMMEDIATELY I've left a bag behind and in no time at all I call the department store and tell them: HELP. I'M AN IDIOT. I LEFT THE STORE WITHOUT MY PERFUME AND I'M FREAKING OUT AND THEREFORE PLEASE REVIEW THE STORE'S HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERAS AND FIND OUT WHERE THE HELL I LEFT THE BAG, PLEASE. Which they do, given I am sure they heard the pleading in my voice which totally sounded like a crazed lady who's completely lost her mind.

So while the Lost Recovery Manager is kindly doing that little chore for me, I hightail it back to the store hoping of course he'll find my bag. Oh... he finds it alright. For on the security camera what should he see but a nice looking older couple who saw my cart and looked into my bag AND THEN STOLE MY THREE PERFUMES!! Without a fucking care in the world the wife happily walks out of the store just KNOWING she's going to be smelling like a queen for the next friggin' three months or so. I TOTALLY HATE YOU, LADY.

Anyway to make a long story short: the security guy tells me the store can't really file a theft report to the police given it was no longer their property after I purchased the goods. So I should call the police, file the report, and then have the Sergeant call him for details on the thieves. (they had made a purchase with Mastercard so Mr. Security has their names) Sure enough the Sergeant came to my house, took down all the info for a report and boom. Mission accomplished. Maybe I'll get my perfume back, maybe I won't. I may even have to show up in court depending upon how things play out but whatever.

All I can say is: as soon as the officer left, I went BACK to the store to re-buy my perfume by which time, btw, they only had two bottles left. Bottom line? I wound up paying about $180 dollars for perfume today... two bottles of which I have, three of which I had stolen. Man.... talk about a comedy of errors.


Now... all I'm PRAYING for is that when/if the rotten people are found and they wind up being people I actually KNOW... yippee. I'm going to spread this story around town like WILDFIRE. And... I know exACTly which couple I pray is the culprit. For I would LOVE to make them out to be thieves, making their lives as miserable as possible given I truly hate them. But yeah... I know... I have way too much downtime if THIS is my fantasy, right? 

For now... the Sergeant will be getting on the case on Wednesday morning given what? My perfume ISN'T the most important criminal issue in the city?? After that I can't wait to see what happens. Besides... who wants another woman running around this town smelling as fabulous as I do? In closing let me just say: To Be Continued!!