7 HOURS AND COUNTING

Man. This is just so crazy. The day began with snow starting to fall at about 10 o'clock this morning. And it was kinda like a sprinkle kind of snow. The sort you wouldn't even imagine would stick. The flakes were like the babiest flakes I'd ever seen and I was sure this would totally be a non event. Although I must admit... the temp must have been about 31 degrees I'll bet.

Thus... I figured no problem. I can go do my errands and be in tip top shape. It was only for a couple hours, anyway. Turns out: big mistake on my part. NONE OF US KNEW WHAT WAS COMING UP NEXT.
In the meantime... I left my neighborhood and started traveling down the main roads and I was pretty much chipper as hell. The roads looked slightly wet, but nothing was REALLY sticking. Besides, I needed to get some things done and didn't want to be a wuzz. So... feeling pretty confident, out I went.

As it happens I'm having a dinner party here for 15 of us on Saturday night, so I wanted to pick up some decorative items before I headed over to my manicure and pedicure. I figured both errands were on my NEED TO DO LIST so why not give it the ole college try. Which I figured would be easy enough. Of course all the while... the tiny sprinkles of snow were continuing to come down but still, all seemed okay. Oh man. Little did I know.

I didn't even think there would be a problem when the loudspeaker in the store came on and said: OOPS. APPARENTLY ALL SCHOOLS WILL BE CLOSING AT 11 A.M. DUE TO WEATHER. I know... whoever thought I'd even be OUT AND ABOUT at 11!! Regardless, even THEN I figured no big deal for trust me... the second I hear of snow coming my way, I'M IN FOR THE DAY. Apparently except for today. Even better... I wasn't even SUPPOSED to get snow today. To my south, yes. To my north, yes. BUT NOT ME.

On top of all this btw, as if my day wasn't freaky enough, someone I know is having MAJOR MAJOR HORRIBLE all day surgery today so I just KNEW I had to keep busy to help keep my head on straight. But anyway... the bottom line here is easy. I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THE WEATHER BEING NO PROBLEM.

I was even looking outside the entire time my feet and hands were being done just to be sure all was okay. Even then I seriously didn't have much concern. And even when I went to my car... which you can see up above... and SAW THE SNOW BEGINNING TO ACCUMULATE ON THE TRUNK I STILL figured I'd have no problem. 

UNTIL THAT IS... I GOT ON THE MAIN DRAG TO COME HOME. Holy ba holy. 

First of all, the traffic on the highway was crawling. No wonder. Because second of all, there were police cars with flashing lights all over the place. As in: accidents galore. Third of all, I could see my original route was going to take forever given there WAS an accident in front of me. In no time at all... I turn around to go a completely other way. Fourth of all, the other way wasn't nearly as ice free as I'd imagined. It wasn't black ice per se, but this time WHITE ice. Uh... I'm thinking sleet maybe?

Fifth of all, by the time I got onto the secondary roads I then knew all wasn't going to be kosher after all. The snow has fallen steadily alllll this time since 10 and I could tell right off the bat... there had been no salting, no plowing, no nothing. NOW I was getting scared. And I was traveling at what? About 10 mph maybe?? Don't even f'ing ask.

Sixth of all, by the time I got on the road that would eventually bring me to my house I saw that it was ENTIRELY covered with this white ice stuff. And I don't even have four wheel drive! Even the cars traveling on the road weren't producing enough heat to keep the street at least just wet. Seventh of all, you should have SEEN what accumulating on my car. By now, btw?? Oh man... I was totally freaking although I must say, I was beginning to think that if I HAD to walk home from there, I probably could have made it afterall.

Okay. So the weather man lied to me. How do I know?? Because I DID get over a couple inches of snow so far. And here I am 7 hours later and it's STILL going to fall for several more hours yet! Jesus. Were the flakes the regular big, fluffy kind I'd so be looking at snow up to my knees. As it is... I'm ready to down Ativan as soon as I finish this entry. Talk about ignorance being bliss.

OMG. NEWS FLASH: AS WE SPEAK, THE CITY'S PLOW TRUCK JUST WENT RIGHT SMACK UP MY STREET!!! FOUR TIMES, EVEN. Talk about timing is everything!!! On the other hand... I can see already that the white ice and/or sleet is so going to be turning to black ice any moment now. Uh oh... new problem. I just looked up and the falling snow has practically RE-covered the entire plowed street all over again.


What a friggin' day.

POP QUIZZES

For weeks now, my kid has been telling me to download this new app... QUIZUP... to my iPad so we can play together. For weeks, I basically forgot the entire deal altogether. Until that is, last night.

Apparently you need an iPhone but even with an iPad you can download the phone version and bingo. It works perfectly. The app will be coming to Android soon enough but until then, I'm using my iPad. Anyway... last night I decided to take the plunge. I downloaded this game and what a surprise... after five minutes of playing... I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. Seriously. I am so the Queen of Addictions thus you can only imagine how long it took me to find that an hour's time passed in what felt like mere minutes. I was playing this game over and over and all I know is:  IT IS SO FANTASTIC I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.

You can either play with a friend or the app will find someone with whom you can play. Each game lasts for about 5 minutes and there isn't a trivia category you can name that it doesn't cover. Immediately I went to the British Royalty topic, one of over 400 topics in all. The Music category is great too. You can do Beatles, 50s, Showtunes, whatever. And... if you are like me... you can lose as many games as you win. I also tried the Fashion category btw and totally loved it.

Plus... when you sign on to the app for the first time, they ask for your full birth date. At first you think: Huh?? Why do they need THAT? Turns out... if you're not playing with a designated friend, the app will instead then team you up with someone about your own age so that in the end, you're not playing with a 12 year old. Excellent move in the development department. Plus, I suspect maybe your age also helps to not ask questions about things which you wouldn't be even remotely knowledgeable. Granted... there is plenty of room on this app for hacking your personal information but my take is: everyone in the world ALREADY has access to God knows what about me so why start worrying now? 

I also got to choose from pre-made avatars or I could select a pict from my own computer. Naturally I uploaded Queen Victoria as my picture and then decided to use Queen Linda as my game name. Boom. I was ready to go. Within seconds I was playing with people all over the country and/or world. We had to win as many points as possible for not only getting the correct answer but also for answering faster than your opponent. Which brings me to....


You know how damn smart I am about a zillion things in this world of ours? Well, here's a News Flash if ever there was: Apparently I'M NOT. Turns out the world is WAY smarter than I am. Damnit. Shocking, right?? I decided the person playing the Royalty topic with me btw, must have been cheating or WAS part of the Royal Family altogether. They knew too many hard questions and FAST too. On the other hand... I easily know as much as several other players and often times, more. But believe you me... it wasn't a slam dunk by any means. 

I also love knowing I'm not playing against teen aged idiots high on dope. Well wait... time out here. Now that I think of it... I could maybe find a new supplier thanks to QuizUp?? Hey. NOW we're talking.  

UH... NO. I'M NOT KIDDING.

For a couple of weeks now, I have been meaning to write about my pearls of wisdom regarding Chris Christie, who is definitely on a downward spiral. But once I saw this new exercise equipment?? Oh man. I had to make a 180 degree turn on that topic immediately and switch to this one lickety split. I mean seriously... THIS IS A WAY TO EXCERCISE?? Uh... apparently so. Many, I'm totally sure, just HAVE to be thinking: WHOA. WAY TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, ALRIGHT.

Naturally one look at this picture and I just HAD to email it to my core training instructor in seconds flat. Why? Because we use these excercise balls ALL the time! Well, wait. Hold on a second. Not THESE particular balls but we do use the non X rated version in lots of classes. For all kinds of exercises, too. As in: laying upon them while doing crunches. As in: laying flat on the floor, body all stretched out and lifting the ball from the floor with our knees to our hands. As in: sitting upon the ball and merely bounce. As in: also sitting upon them and throwing another small ball to our partners, all the while balancing on the big ball. 

BUT THESE BALLS?? THE ONES IN THE PICTURE UP THERE? Oh man. So never going to be used at a gym, I'm quite sure. And thank God for small favors, too. Plus... get a load of the colors used on this piece of equipment! Geez. Oh yeah... you can only imagine one liner I added to Ansley's email, btw. 

On the other hand, SOMEONE is going to use these balls and I guess they're going to be mighty happy after their workout session. Hence the title... No. I'm Not Kidding. Obviously there IS such a workout  item on the market nowadays. Which means: talk about blending the world of a satisfying work out session with the world of working out for a satisfying session. Now THERE'S a tag line if ever I've heard one.

In the meantime, I actually HAVE switched out my exercise program. Get this: I go to core training still, I do yoga still but now... in honor of the New Year... I am trading in two of my evenings of doing yoga for a couple of nights of instead... sitting down??... walking the Mall. Holy shit. MY HAIR IS FRIGGIN' TURNING BLUE AS WE SPEAK. AND I AM AGING AS FAST AS YOU CAN SAY 1-2-3. I am soooo freaked I am doing the old lady Mall walking bit BUT you can't blame me. I have to! IT'S BLOODY COLD OUTSIDE DURING THE EARLY EVENINGS RIGHT NOW.

Apparently five times around the baby Mall near me is equalivant to two miles. Which of course I'm still working on accomplishing. I'm only at the one mile mark so far, thus hopefully by the end of this week, I'll be at two and half, maybe three times around. Needless to say there was NO way I'd ever be doing this switch up at 9:00 in the morning, so this early evening bit is perfect. Plus... you should SEE all the other people walking as well! I was absolutely shocked to see these folks. Families even. I mean really... this walking bit is BIG. Go figure.


Which, after all the health benefits are factored in, is the total reason I'm doing this walking bit in the first place. To sorta help punch up my chubby like figure. The good news however is that should it NOT help my figure... well, at the very least... I get to have some extra time for great shopping sprees. Bottom line: Either way, I win!

LADY VICTORIA HERVEY

Man. Now THIS is a way to make an entrance to a party, alright. This is SOME dress. Or... what there is of it, anyway. I know. I know. I must be one of a dozen women on the planet who finds this dress one hell of a show stopper and believe you me... were I a young Hollywood knockout, I'd be prancing around in this dress in no time flat. Whoa. Totally sexy.

Anyway, as it happens... this lady isn't a Hollywood sort at all. She's a British socialite. Which of course endears me to the dress all the more. Can you iMAGine greeting the Queen wearing this?? OMG. Lizzie would flip out right then and there. On the other hand... Philip would shine like never before.

All I know is... THIS black dress?? Totally an eye catcher. A major jaw dropper. Uh... okay. Let's be honest. An out and out prick teaser. But to me, it can also be the ultimate flirt skirt and personally, I love the Game of the Tease. How much you want to bet in the end however... that this chick is merely shouting: you can look but you absolutely can't touch? Well wait. You're right. Any female sporting this look, DEFINITELY puts out. But I bet she's crappy in bed, so there's the payback, all you horny guys out there. Unless of course it turns out she's totally great, in which case shoot me now. SO not fair. 

On the other hand... I can't even IMAGINE what the justice system might think if... God forbid... a woman in this dress were ever the victim of rape. Granted NO OUTFIT justifies rape but geez. I'll bet a hell of a lot of deliberation is going to go down before a jury nonetheless renders a guilty verdict to the rapist. But by the same token how much you want to bet the judge also kinda reprimands the defendant by stating "Hey lady. Pushing the envelope while in public is one thing. It's quite another to wear nothing more THAN the envelope". 

Thankfully, I doubt however any woman wearing this pretend dress is going to be raped. Afterall... not too many in the social settings where you'd find this outfit are likely to find a man who can't control himself. Would he look?? ABSOLUTELY. Would he want to touch? PRETTY MUCH. Would he go home and fantasize up a storm? COUNT ON IT. But is Victoria thrilled she's teasing him?? Oh man. WITHOUT A DOUBT.


Which is why it takes guts to wear an outfit like this to a fancy ass party. Not to mention the need of a fanTASTic looking body. Guts I have. However... a smoking hot body I don't have. So basically... there goes any chance I'D EVER HAVE of wearing anything NEAR this sort of flirtatious come-on. Not so much for Victoria though. She's headed to a Golden Globes after party, if I read correctly.

And... if you ask me... while all the others earned their well deserved honors that night, I am totally sure the stars are all second best to the buzz that went down about this dress. Seriously. I think this look SO takes the award of the evening. Oh yeah... in case you didn't get enough of it... here are more picts over which to drool. I even threw in an extra shot from some other evening. Some closet this Lady must have, huh??

  

I SURVIVED THE VOTEX

And frankly, I don't even have some stupid little T-shirt to prove it.

Man... that was some crazy ass way to begin a New Year. I can't even beLIEVE how cold it was last week. I mean seriously... with wind chill factored in, my evenings were like -13 degrees. THAT'S NORMAL?? OMG. It was nuts.

In the meantime, I pretty much have to thank God that all I had to deal with were cold temps. Had God thrown snow and/or black ice into the mix, I'd have been ready for the loony farm in seconds flat. On the other hand, during each of the sub zero days, I was in fact able to get out and about to do what I had to, but whoa. You can be sure I hightailed it home lickety split. Talk about running from house to car to building, back to car and then to another building and back to car again and then finally... back to a nice and cozy home.

Speaking of hightailing it home... last night my next door neighbors arrived back home after being away for a couple of weeks. Which of course now means... I am so ready for the soap opera to begin. I'm thinking it won't be so pretty. I think I may have mentioned this before: the wife is well readied to move back to her home state to be near her parents, family and friends once again. I think they've been here for what? 4 years maybe?

Apparently as much as she keeps telling the hubby that moving back is what she wants, the more he keeps telling her sorry. Not going to happen. Which of course has made her miserable for at least over a year . But not as miserable as he's going to be once he finds out that she's moving back, with or without him. While he's away at work, I might add. Hence one day soon the hubby will basically come home only to find the wife is outta there. THEN maybe he'll reconsider her request, but if you ask me this has NC Family Court written all over it.

 The only other thing I can add for tonight is that I am SOOO damn happy the holidays are over so I can finally get back to a NORMAL WEEKDAY SCHEDULE. I get totally screwed up on what day is what and this week was my first chance to have every bit of my routine back in place. It just makes me shudder to no end to imagine how I'm going to possibly keep things straight in my f'ed up head when I'm like in my 80s. Already I see that my caretakers can surely tell me anything they want me to believe and I'll have no mental arsenal at ALL to offer an argument. I just have to pray I'm not so outta my mind that I wind up turning over my bank accounts and safety deposit boxes without batting an eyelash.


And don't for one minute think this can't happen. I am completely a candidate for extreme senior moments. 

END OF AN ERA

Well... okay. Not an era. But certainly the end of a year. 2013 to be exact. Which I have to say was a year way better than the year before. Thank God. And... a year which I hope will not even compare to the one that's coming up. For I sorta have high hopes for 2014. I know... I'm such an optimist. Or a fool. I'm not sure which one just yet. But in any case...

I am trying to figure out what was the best thing that happened in 2013 and I always keep coming back to the times that I spent with my kid. I always love being with him for he makes me so very happy with his humor and smile and even his crapola. So basically if being with him was the best of the year, then I'd almost have to say I guess everything else was pretty much secondary and thus in that tier, probably equal in the enjoyment department.

I do remember, with major happiness I might add, the night I went to a new Italian restaurant about a half hour away from here. Nothing fancy but OMG. The food I had there was just unf'ingbelievable. Seriously... my taste buds were doing a dance all OVER the place. That was definitely a red letter evening.

I also have to say the most recent thrill was creating all my new necklaces for even as they were being made, I was in my glory as I laid out each bead, knowing that in the end it was going to be a knockout.

I was also tap dancing all over the place on the day my Medicare kicked in. Man... just the thought of not having to shell out over $1000 a month put my delight barometer way up in the clouds. I'm telling you... Medicare is one of the all time best inventions ever.

Oh yeah... I also have to say that the first time I heard Robin Thicke sing Blurred Lines I thought I died and went to heaven. I mean it. I was in the car and I could hardly get out because I transfixed to the lyrics and music. Needless to say one of the WORST moments of the year was when stupid ass Miley Cyrus totally screwed up Robin's performance with her utterly disgusting looking tongue but that's another story altogether.

Another thing that stands out in my mind was when I was in Ft. Lauderdale at the beginning of the year and I got to spend so much time with my niece, Laura. Besides... anyone who is so willing to take me out for a hot pastrami sandwich any time I want, is definitely someone you just gotta love forever.

Anyway.... as I said... 2013 was pretty much a decent year. But I am totally hoping 2014 surpasses it by leaps and bounds. I also hope I score big on any one of the major upcoming Power Ball Lotteries. Whoa. Would THAT ever make it bonus year. But most importantly...


I just hope my health remains good. And I hope yours does as well. I hope we all have a safe, loving, hell of a great New Year. I don't know about you... but me?? Holy Shit. I so deserve it. 

I'M AN ADDICT

Holy ba holy. I can't believe how little time I've had to write a blog lately. I feel totally overwhelmed trying to be sure every little detail in my stupid little life is running like clockwork, thus by the time I get to vegging out, with time enough for writing this blog, I'm just way too damn exhausted.

Of course having to deal with an Achilles Tendonitis for a week didn't help. Nor did my being afraid that the Health Department might come and condemn my house the following week, since I had given my total attention to nothing else but to making at least a dozen of the absolutely most stunning necklaces you ever saw. I was obsessed! Nor did it help that I had been sick with swollen glands, chest and head congestion for yet another week after that. Geez... I must have slept for DAYS until I felt somewhat normal again. Factor in trying to keep the rest my regular life in order and boom. Who has time to blog? Anyway...

The part that I'll concentrate on today is: MY NEW ADDICTION. It's totally shameful, too. I can not beLIEVE how this has taken over my life but I have to tell you... am loving every minute of it.

After years of seeing thousands of necklaces that Claudia creates with beautiful beads, findings, etc.... something in me just sprang right smack up into my head out of nowhere and said: GO BUY BEADS AND IMMEDIATELY BEGIN MAKING NECKLACES... AND MAKE THEM ALONG THE LINES OF IRIS APFEL'S LOOK. As in: big, chunky and LONG. EXCEPT MAKE YOURS WITH JUST A LITTLE BLING.

Next thing you know... I'm at the bead store, spending more money on any one hobby than I ever have for 12 other hobbies, combined. I'm telling you... hundreds of dollars! Over and over again; even with the 40% discounts, I might add. That's the price of addiction, I guess. On the other hand, look how much I'm saving by not having to go to Jewelry Making Rehab. 

Because... for all those hundreds, I now have necklaces that could easily bring in MAJOR bucks were I to ever sell them. Which of course I never would. Besides, these creations conSUMED me for at LEAST a week straight at first and even now as we speak... my entire dining room table is totally covered with my beading supplies. That first week has now grown into almost four I'll bet but man, what stunning necklaces I have. And what pretty ones yet to be made.

I can't believe how beautifully they turned out nor can I believe how happily I can sit making these necklaces while also happily listening to my Kindle read every great book I've ever wanted to hear, for hours and hours. It's total heaven. In the meantime, you need to check out the pictures below to get an idea of how they turned out. Granted... the pictures don't even beGIN to do justice to what the necklaces look like in person but you'll get the idea nonetheless. 

I have even worn some twice already and have gotten totally rave reviews each time. Claudia makes much more refined looking necklaces. I make far more bolder looks. Especially since I wear at least two, maybe three at a time. They completely knock my fucking socks off.

Plus.. this little multimillion dollar hobby is just soooo relaxing. And fun. And creative. And totally fits into my love for instant gratification. Seriously. Who could ask for more? Check out the necklaces down below.


In the meantime... yippee. I'm finally back to the real world, feeling as chipper as ever, enjoying fun celebrations for the Holidays. Oh yeah... Merry Christmas everyone. Hopefully you got presents as fantastic as the ones below. Although I can hardly imagine it.

THANKS BUT NO THANKS

I'm a pretty spiritual kinda gal. But George W. Bush would totally hate me. Although I hate him more, but who cares. Anyway... my sort of spirituality is that where I feel tremendous gratitude for the life I've been given and the hopes that I approach mankind with graciousness and compassion. George's on the other hand, is the kind of spirituality where he was supposedly in church one Sunday morning, grappling with the decision of whether or not to run for President... and boom. God magically, specifically, directly speaks to him and supposedly says: YEAH, GEORGE. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE COUNTRY ABSOLUTELY NEEDS YOU TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT. Boom. Done deal. He's gonna run. Well, God said SOMEthing along those lines anyway. Can you f'ing believe it??

Which to me is a perfect definition of who exactly should NEVER run for the highest office in the land. Really, George? God's voice came into church and sent a message just to you, telling you to go for it? Oh man. I can't even stomach the thought. You don't believe me? Here... read a couple of paragraphs of this article and figure it out for yourself. I'm telling you... it's true. Bush really does think God was speaking to him as if in a vision or something. Frankly, I myself say it must have been an after effect of LSD from years past. But whatever. Anyway... check out this link:

God Speaks to Georgie

I take prayer pretty seriously. And very personally. I have no clue whether or not there really IS a God-like figure up there listening to my prayers, but I sorta hope so given I say two personal prayers everytime I do my yoga session. I begin with a prayer to God, and then about half way through I say yet another. Which is exactly why I almost freaked when I saw this license plate a couple of months ago. The one up above there, in the picture I captured a couple of months ago.

Talk about my never doubting whether or not I live in the Bible Belt. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? SOME GUY IS ACTUALLY DIRECTING ME TO PRAY FOR HIM?? AND THEN PRAY FOR MYSELF, TOO?? Jesus. Since when do we go around telling strangers like me, to pray for them when I have no clue who the hell the guy is nor if he even deserves my blessing. Plus... HE PUTS THIS ON HIS LICENSE PLATE?? Whoa. The prisoner who made THIS plate must have felt some sort of redemption 1-2-3. I was totally shocked when I saw this. I still am, actually.

So shocked in fact that you have no idea what I had to go through to get a picture of this deal. Don't even ask. It was crazy. First I had to keep driving my car while reaching over, digging deep into my purse, feeling all around to grab my camera, all the while trying to keep up with the guy in traffic and then, only due to a stroke of luck.. or God's will maybe??... did we finally come to a stop light. And bingo. My chance to begin snapping away occurred! I must admit however, I probably said THANK GOD at that moment, but in truth I wasn't really thanking THE God. If anything... at the very least... I decided THAT ALONE was probably my prayer for the guy who's telling me to pray. THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME GET A PICTURE OF THIS STUPID ASS LICENSE PLATE.

To my way of thinking... this kind of directive on a car is like me walking into the DMV and asking for a specialized plate (which I did do, btw but that's a whole other story altogether) and telling them to please make it say: SND $$ BOX 240. Can you imagine?? Man, would I ever love to do that. YIPPEE. I'D BECOME RICH!

In the meantime, I definitely take offense at people on the roads that I don't even know telling me I should pray for them. Uh... thanks but no thanks. WHO NEEDS YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?? I'LL PRAY FOR THE FOLKS WHOM I SPECIFICALLY WANT TO PRAY FOR! More importantly... I'd like to know exactly what this guy ever did to need so many damn prayers, in the first place. For all I know he could be sporting a freakin' stolen car!

So the bottom line here is: I guess this guy is living the life of Riley. No wonder. THE ENTIRE CITY IS PRAYING FOR HIM. Now granted... something really horrible could be happening in his life and he needs support but STILL. On a license plate?? Besides that... I'm supposed to pray for myself too?? As if I'm in need of some sort of forgiveness? Lordy Lordy. The Messiah better show up real soon because I'm beginning to think the entire Evangelicals are totally turning loony and are headed way off the deep end but FAST. And don't think for one minute this guy ISN'T an Evangelical. Remember: I'm in the Bible Belt.


Oh yeah... don't even get me started on this car being a Jaguar. I was behind Billy Graham?? Franklin Graham?? Any of the Grahams?? They DO live in Western NC, you know.

SEAFOOD FEST

I just may have to stay up all night so I can eat all the most delicious foods in the world that I just happened to buy tonight. I can't even believe this. I went out on THE coldest night of the year to pick up some cherry pie filling and shrimp... and walked away having spent over $200. Oops. That's pretty damn pricey cherries and shrimp, if I say so myself.

So it sorta went down like this: After a lovely afternoon of working with Deanna on an invitation she needed for her New Year's Day Open House... I woke up from a long nap all spiffy and raring to go once again. So... I then began working on making an excellent pearl bracelet that I'm sporting as we speak. Man.. threading those pearls is way harder than it used to be given my eyesight is now basically fair at best. But whatever. I'd say that took me about an hour and a half and then... I was beginning to feel antsy.

Therefore I toyed with the idea of should I or should I not go to Fresh Market. Normally I'd elect to stay put given the cold temps, etc. but... I decided the hell with it. I've already got my wooly lined boots on, I've already got my jeans on and I've already got my fleece tunic on, so basically all I'd need to do was boom. Throw on my winter coat and head out. Which I did. Especially since I figured that I'd almost bet the closer it got to Thanksgiving, the better the chances of the store not having what I wanted. Bingo. I braved the elements.

Oh yeah... the pre-bonus to this little shopping trip was that next to Fresh Market is SteinMart so naturally I had to stop in there first to check out the shoe department. And the chunky jewelry, too. Astonishingly, I walked out when I realized OMG... the grocery store is going to close in about a half hour. No need wasting my time on shit I didn't need in the first place. So I hightailed it over to the grocery store. Anyway....

I walked into Fresh Market and headed straight to the pie baking department. Mission accomplished. Got the cherries. However... on the way to the seafood department I noticed: STANDING RIB ROAST - $6.99 A POUND - TODAY ONLY. About two seconds of decision making went into it and next thing you know, the roast is in my basket.

Finally I walked over to the shrimp. But THEN I remembered: the alltime best deluxe crab cakes are there, so yep. You guessed it. Three of those went into my cart. As did 4 lobster tails that were on sale, also one day only. Add to that, the 4 packages of pre cooked huge lobster bits that I like having in my refrigerator for quick snack emergencies. Eventually I got around to the 2 pounds of shrimp and I was then merrily on my way.

Until that is, I passed the deli and saw the baked chicken wings and drumettes that I totally adore. Believe me... my basket was piled up to the hilt. WITH A SEAFOOD DELIGHT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Not to mention the chicken and beef. Oh man... my mouth was watering just thinking about the fantastic shopping I had just done. No wonder. I was STARVING.

Which means: just how long you think it took me to get home, grab the chicken wings, pull up a chair and DOWN 10 OF THEM LICKETY SPLIT 1-2-3. I swear. I just couldn't stop! I devoured those deals in mere minutes, not even having put away any of the groceries yet, either. Ahhhh... the glories of delicious food.

Needless to say, my refrigerator is now stuffed with all this food that looks like I'm feeding a family of eight. And, apparently it's going to be that way for a few days yet, given that tomorrow night I'll be going out to my alltime next best type of dinner... Chinese. I can only hope my Fortune Cookie will include something about six more people soon moving in so I can clear out the fridge and share the feast of a lifetime all in one fell swoop.


Bottom line: I'm apparently the only woman in American not stocking her home with Thanksgiving food. I'm doing seafood instead. On the other hand, I sometimes like living outside the box. Uh... the ice box that is.

HAPPY ALMOST THANKSGIVING

Man... I've sported several looks in the past month and this one is the latest. It was also the one into which I put the least amount of work. I have to assume it's because its enough already with the parties that require me to don SOME sort of costume.

Besides... I'm running out of simple ideas. I am certainly not going the purchased costume route, so I basically have to draw upon whatever happens to be in my closet. Which is no easy feat, actually. Case in point: each year I know for sure that I'll be invited to at least one Halloween party. This year however, there were two.

Over the past few years I've gone as an upscale call girl, a Grande Dame socialite, a Japanese Geisha girl and then last weekend... well you see it up there in the picture. I was so over costumes that for this latest party I merely took a black hat I had around the house, taped on a white Pilgrim buckle that I made out of card stock and added a white lace scarf around my neck. Oh yeah... I also wore a pair of leather square toed boots to which I had had already added great pretend baby diamonds covering the entire toe box.

Anyway... viola'... I was a Pilgrim. Not a great costume for sure, but at least everyone knew what I was going for, when first I walked in. And trust me... this look couldn't have been easier. Unfortunately, I had to go easy on the jewels given Pilgrims were pretty blah in the bling department. You know. Puritan and all. Anyway....

I actually had a pretty good time at the party. And it just knocks my socks off seeing what everyone ELSE puts together. IT'S AMAZING. The creations of adults 65 years + are fantastic. Some are pretty ingenious, if you ask me. Of course as much as I loved seeing everyone, equal to that, is always the food. I totally loved the huge container of cooked pasta with 3 choices of toppings. I personally went for the fettuccine on half of my pasta, then the meat sauce on the other half. Absolutely excellent.   


In the meantime... down below are a few of the looks I think you've already seen. The last one however is the look I think I'll go for, for the NEXT costume party I ever have to attend. I got the idea just tonight actually, and I've to imagine it's a pretty easy look to capture. No wonder... again, I can just grab something from my closet. Seriously... like just hard can this be?? Wig... eyeliner... red lipstick. Boom. Done. 

And with that my good friends... I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.

DEAR DIARY...

Well today started out pretty good. No wonder... I woke up at almost noon. What could be bad about THAT?? Got up, got dressed and spent the entire day at home. Which was also good since I had all kinds of papers to sort through with the hopes of ditching 3/4 of them. Mission pretty much accomplished on that front.

I also had to tailor the shoulders of a new dress I got, but unfortunately the finished work turned out to be a dud. Bingo... I had to rip the seam apart and decided: the hell with it. I'll wear it as is. THAT WAS EASY.

Got lots of phone calls and chit chatted for a bit before I went on my two searches. WHERE THE HELL IS MY WILL, ANYWAY?? You can't beLIEVE how I tore apart the drawers, cabinets and file folders. It's totally not here. I did find the codicil of the will however, which was done about 10 months ago, I bet. Anyway... called Evan's office and lo and behold... the original is in his office safe! Finding that out however, didn't do much to calm my pounding heart so boom. Downed half an Ativan.

Then I began my next search... the hunt for my new pair of Issac Mizrahi jeans that I was in the midst of tailoring a while ago and quickly put away somewhere when company was coming. WHERE THE HELL DID I PUT THEM? I still have no clue in spite of my looking through every closet in the house. They've been missing for about a month now. Man... for someone as organized as I am, I can find nothing around this place.

I then toyed with the idea of taking a nap, but figured that can't be good for someone who woke up at noon. So... I went through all the papers I wanted to file away and yippee. Found my AFLAC POLICY which I had not seen in two years, I'll bet. I also found the WARRANTY POLICY for my car which I think is only good for another two years at most. Ooops.

Then I tried to find something decent to watch on TV but as usual, found nothing. Totally boring shit although I did spend about 15 minutes of channel surfing. Evan called me back and I got sick to my stomach again hearing how his young daughter is going through all kinds treatments for her leukemia and who will soon have to head over to Duke University for a bone marrow transplant. Talk about heart breaking.

To ease my concern for her, I decided to have a fantastic dinner... a huge bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup on top. It definitely eased my broken heart to some degree. It also did a number on my caloric intake.

Was pretty happy when my son called. Unlike ME, he was able to get Sirrius Radio to renew my subscription at half the price they quoted me. I had called them twice in the last two weeks, but they would give me no such fantastic pricing. Which naturally is when I got my kid to take over since I've long ago figured out that it is indeed a man's world out there. Sorry Gloria Steinem but it is what it is. 

I considered going over to my next door neighbor's house but was afraid her husband my be there. He's a pilot and has been out of town on his new schedule and it's been about 3 weeks since he was home. I love going there though, because their baby will soon be about a year old even though the wife is already making plans with her attorney to leave the husband after January, taking the baby with her, to live at her parents' house in a different state. Thus... I'm sort of expecting a nuclear war to go down when the hubby returns one day to find wife and kid kaput. Now THERE'S a soap opera waiting to happen.

I did get a kick out of George Zimmerman being in front of a judge once again. I love watching his misery piling on over and over and over. Geez... this guy had GOT to be the biggest joke of all time. For someone who wanted to be a part of law enforcement, he's involved in the law alright. Just on the wrong side of it. What an idiot.


So that was pretty much my day, Dear Diary of mine. I guess I better go wind down now so I can shower and get ready for bed since tomorrow Susan, Claudia and I will head over to Old Navy and then grab some lunch. Best part of tomorrow will be that Teresa will be here when I wake up. YAY. Better yet.. NEXT Wednesday I'll wake up to go pick up my kid from the airport! Have already got my Manly List of Things To Do pretty much completed. Of course I just hope I'll be able to find it. 

PIE IN THE SKY

I totally love pies. Most of them anyway. I'd never do a potato pie nor a kidney pie however, since in my book, they aren't even pies to begin with. On the other hand, I do love chicken pot pies. 

But... if I could choose from some REAL sorts of pies, my alltime favorites would include either a cherry or a chocolate or a lemon or a pumpkin or a pecan pie. A couple of weeks ago, I chose cherry.

It went down like this: I originally wanted to make an apple pie since I had so many fresh apples in the house. I was just going dice them all up and add them to a store bought apple filling product, mixing it all together until boom. I'd bake a sorta semi-fresh homemade apple pie. Already I was smelling the aroma filling the house. Except for one major glitch, however.

When I got to the gourmet grocery store, there WAS no apple pie filling in the aisle. There was only cherry. And... pretty much fancy schmancy cherry too, given the packaging. Not to mention the pricing. Soooo... 1-2-3 my mind thought: HMMMM... APPLE CHERRY PIE. NOW HOW BAD CAN THAT BE?? Pretty good, right?? So bingo. I bought two jars of the cherry filling and raced home to my kitchen to make the delight of the century.

OMG. WHAT A GREAT DECISION I APPARENTLY MADE. I brought home the jars of cherry filling, chopped up the apples, mixed them together and zippo. I added this mixture to my pie tin that I had already lined with pie dough. Store bought of course, but it doesn't even matter. AND... to make sure the top layer of dough was equal to the fancy cherry/apple filling, I even did an egg wash on top before I pinched the sides and vented the top. Whoa... IT LOOKED SO GREAT.

Next I popped it into the awaiting oven and the next thing I know... not only was it done BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY it was by far THE BEST cherry pie I've ever ever tasted!! OMG. I was in sheer heaven. I was also HORRIBLY ADDICTED. I could NOT stop eating this delicious pie! Totally in my glory. No wonder. Just LOOK at the finished product up there in the picture. Well, what was left of it, anyway. 

My biggest fear of course was that I'd finish the entire huge pie in mere MINutes. Seriously... I so could have. Thank GOD for restraint. In fact, I deserve an f'ing medal for stringing it out to 6 days before I downed the entire treat. It was like every damn time I walked past this pie I just HAD to take at least one bite. Which I did for each of the 6 days it lasted. Seriously... I just couldn't get enough of it.

Man was this so damn delicious it's crazy. I so have to make another for Thanksgiving even though I'm not even dining at home that night. Just having it around will make my holiday even happier. The cherries were just the right tartness, the apples were just the right sweetness and the crust was astounding. In fact, when Claudia saw it she didn't even believe I made it, given it was so professional looking. I could SO make this my meal 3 times a day... plus my midnight snack... if only the Calorie Gods would let me.   


Now that I think of it... this cherry pie might even have to take precedence over the Famous Chocolate Wafer log cake I make and trust me... THAT is pretty damn delicious as well. On the other hand... yippee. Just a couple more weeks and I get to taste... tada!... some pumpkin and pecan pie, too! Come the New Year I should be plenty roly poly for sure. As if I even care.

THE KILLING MACHINE

See that machine up there? It's what they call an elliptical training machine. Totally opposite of my core training class btw, given that in core, our bodies ARE the machines. We use our OWN core muscle strength. Which is an idea I totally love, but who's counting.

In any case... on Tuesday I decided I wanted to use my free Medicare Silver Sneakers membership card at a local gym so I could build up some cardio, endurance, stamina, etc. etc. Walking on a treadmill would probably be just as good, but my according to my kid, the elliptical is even better. Given I'd never been on the elliptical, I had no clue how to use this machine and needed some instruction. Bingo. Turns out even an idiot could figure it out but whatever.

And... to make it even better, Betsy is at the gym on Tuesdays since she has a yoga class there. Thus I told her PERFECT. YOU DO THE YOGA CLASS. I'LL LEARN HOW TO DO THE ELLIPTICAL AND WHEN WE'RE FINISHED WE'LL WALK ACROSS THE STREET TO HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER. Yippee. It would be great. Uh... until I wanted to die, that is.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? YOU THINK I CAN POSSIBLY LAST ON THIS MACHINE??? OMG. It was killing me! I wanted to die, and I said so the entire time I was on it. Which by the way was MERE MINUTES. I was absolutely EXHAUSTED within seconds. I mean it. It was crazy. Plus... during those mere minutes? Trust me. I must have taken four breaks, easily. I was STUNNED at apparently how totally out of shape I am, cardiologicallly speaking. Especially since I do core each week AND yoga almost nightly. 

According to the Linda School of Fitness I need to go use this machine every three hours just to build up to a five minute workout! Seriously. If YOU think you're in tip top shape, I highly recommend you go try this out as a complete test of how you, like me, might be totally living in LaLa Land, fooling yourself. Who KNEW I could be this short of passing out altogether? Anyway...

While Betsy was in the yoga class, I was on this machine. And so was Hildie... a gray haired lady of about 75 who was in the row behind me, watching me pant and suffer. It was only after Betsy's class did Hildie come up to me and say: OH GUESS WHAT. YOU WERE ON THE HARDEST ELLIPTICAL IN THE WHOLE PLACE. YOU NEED TO GO TO THE ROW I WAS ON AND USE THOSE MACHINES INSTEAD. Now she tells me. Not only was SHE going a hundred miles an hour but so was the guy next to me and now that I think of it, so was EVERYONE there. Plus... they all were on it for a minimum of about 25 minutes. I was a complete LOSER in this entire gym of oldie goldie grey haired Silver Sneakers. Talk about embarrassing.

So that was last Tuesday. THIS Tuesday I will try this again, but I can see already it won't do shit for me unless I go almost every day, every three hours. I WANTED to go more often last week, but I was so busy that I just never got around to it. Which only means: by the next time I get to the gym, it's possible that I'll want to pass out even SOONER than last week. VERY possible, in fact.


Man. Whoever made up this machine was either THE fitness guru of all time or the most f*ucked guy on the planet. But give me time... I'm pretty sure I'll work up to a six minute workout eventually. It's the SIXTY minute workout that I'll never see. Ever.

JUANITA

If ever you've read THE HELP then you'd pretty much know Juanita. Except of course that my Mother would NEVER tell her not to eat from our dishes, use our silverware or to not use a bathroom inside our house.

Juanita worked for my mother for what? 35 years maybe?? Five days a week she'd come to our home and when she first became a part of our family I'd say I was about 13 years old. First there was Ada, then there was Hazel and then there was Rosalie and then finally there was Juanita. I remember Rosalie mostly because she'd always say to me while I was in the family room watching TV: UNFOOT THE TABLE. Meaning: get my dirty feet off the cocktail table that she probably just cleaned. I also remember she cooked the alltime best fried chicken you'd ever want to eat. And while I always liked Rosalie...

I loved Juanita. We all did. As did all our children, too. She was a part of three generations in our family: my parents, then my siblings and then all of our children. In fact maybe four because she also knew Laura's children. Juanita was simply the kindest housekeeper you could ever ask for. Except when she told my Mother I swore like a sailor, but whatever. She was so loved in fact, that way back when, when my parents moved from Miami, they gave Juanita a bonus of about $10,000 for all her years of working for them.

In the meantime I loved Juanita so much that when Hurricane Andrew struck and Juanita's house was left practically in smithereens, I had her move in with my family and myself for about six months and Bob, Claudia and I helped her to get the house rebuilt. I will never forget the work Claudia and I did filling out all the insurance papers, following up with contractors, etc. etc. so we could be sure no one scammed a single, uneducated black woman.  I just wished to hell I had a picture of Juanita that I could show you but I wouldn't even know where to begin to look for one. I will tell you however that Juanita is now 85 years old.

And... I spoke to her this morning. I couldn't beLIEVE how strong her voice sounded. Nor how absolutely thrilled she was that I had called. I was equally thrilled, too. I speak to her maybe every 10 months or so. She loves hearing all about the family, our kids, and now the kids of our kids. From Laura to my son... and every child in between, Juanita was there.

In fact, after I finish writing this, I have to scan a zillion pictures to send to her so she can see an updated version of us all. BTW... when Juanita first asked how everyone was I of course had to tell her: FORGET ABOUT THEM. THE BIGGEST NEWS IS THAT CLAUDIA AND I HAD A FACE LIFT!! So naturally, that's the first picture I'll have to scan. I know... priorities, right?? 

I keep telling Juanita I'll pay for her ticket to come up and see me but I just know she won't. Even if I went down there to get her, I bet she still wouldn't come. Damnit. I guess I'll just have to get my ass back down to South Florida and visit her myself. Besides... I remember taking Juanita out to dinner and she was always self conscious, not realizing race relations in the 90s were not those of the 50s. She'd never tell me that but I pretty much sensed it anyway.

I have no clue how much longer Juanita will be alive but I can tell you one thing... whenever she does pass away, I'll be sadder than you'd ever think. I've lost my brother, my Mother, my Father and even my best friend for 45 years, Linda. Who by the way Juanita surely knew. But... when I lose Juanita then that'll sadly, pretty much clear out a huge portion of my life.


I miss so many people who have left me that it makes me cry. And I just so don't want to cry yet again whenever Juanita is gone. On the other hand... I'll bet Juanita herself won't be all that broken up given she truly believes she'll be back with her Maker. Man... talk about a silver lining. Well... for her... certainly not for me. 

I'LL KEEP THIS SIMPLE

Every Republican is basically a racist.
Ted Cruz is an arrogant, fanatical egotist.
Mitch McConnell is a manipulative, frightening liar.
John Boehner is a fucking pussy.

The End.

QUICK. CALL JACKIE!

I'm pretty horrified. Have you SEEN Caroline Kennedy lately?? Granted... Cher has her plate filled but plenty what with Chaz becoming a HE and all. But if you ask me... Jackie would also have a full plate in the Caroline department. As in: WHAT?? WTF IS WITH ALL THE WRINKLES TOTALLY FILLING CAROLINE'S FACE?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This is nuts especially since this is one the milder shots of her. I'm telling you... in eight more years she'll be Eunice Shriver all over again. So not a pretty picture.

First of all... when the hell did Caroline Kennedy get old enough to even HAVE wrinkles?? I'm utterly stunned. Second of all... since she DOES have these all these completely unattractive wrinkles... OMG. GET RID OF THEM IMMEDIATELY. Jackie would never have allowed this look were she still alive to see them. She'd never have allowed them on herself thus she'd never allow them on Caroline either. Which of course is where I come in. A johnny-on-spot substitute mother who needs to give Caroline a heads' up on: OOPS. TIME FOR DR. FIXIT, MY SWEET. I mean seriously. Why would Caroline even opt for such a look?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. She's famous and wealthy and brilliant and all that. But still... does she not own a mirror? I mean I'm sure if Jackie were around I could almost guarantee you that she'd be hauling Caroline off to a plastic surgeon in a New York minute. Especially since Caroline's body is still so great looking. The poor thing is 10 years younger than I am and my face is not even CLOSE to having these sort of wrinkles. My ass and thighs? Absolutely. They both look pretty much like a Chinese Shar-Pei but my face is basically wrinkle free. And it was even BEFORE Dr. Harley.

Anyway, I'm thinking that especially now, since Caroline is our new Ambassador to Japan, this would be a great time to rid herself of looking so damn OLD. God knows... given her reported worth of over $250 million dollars... she could well afford such a nip and tuck. Not even her husband Ed Schlossberg can guide her in this matter either, since they've supposedly pretty much lived apart for years now. But whatever.

All I know is that I was shocked when I saw this and other picts. For obviously.... if Caroline is looking so old you can only imagine what that means for my own particular look. And age. Jesus... this so can't be good news. I really do wish Maria Shriver would just call Caroline and give her some good 'ole cousin-ly advice.


Oh. By the way... I'm tickled pink that Caroline will be our liaison to Japan. My Mother would have been too, given Mom's Japanese heritage. Although I can tell you right now... Mom's best advice for our new ambassador would definitely be: QUICK. GET TO A DOCTOR.      

BLACK IS THE BEST REVENGE

I'm sure most women have one fantastic black dress in their wardrobe. If not... they absolutely should. Man... this one little item can carry you to a zillion places for a zillion reasons. Anywhere from a quiet little cocktail party at home to a major dinner party at the White House. Not to mention all the events in between. Mine can actually be dressed up or dressed down and can go to not only dinner parties but also to a happy matinee or even a sad funeral. In fact, I have about 5 black dresses and I wear them all. I totally love them.

Apparently Princess Diana had a little black dress that she loved as well. Granted HERS was pretty damn  formal and frankly there is no way whatsoever she could dress this one down. THIS one was strictly for fancy schmancy. It's drop dead gorgeous and I don't even want to tell you when she wore this number up above because to me... anyone who doesn't already know where, must be living under a rock. A big rock, too. Boy... did Diana ever pull out all stops that night.

NO WONDER THE MEDIA CALLED IT THE "REVENGE DRESS".

And man were they ever right on target. This is definitely one of the alltime best revenge dresses EVER. Diana deserves a fucking medal. Why? Because basically.... while Diana had had this dress for a long time, she never wore it until THE night she needed it most.The night she was seeking total revenge. As in: THE night Charles went on TV and publicly admitted to his entire empire he was having an affair. With Camilla, of course. You'd have thought THAT would have been the headline of the century, right?

But oh no... not so fast. Timed with absolute precision, while Charlie was busy confessing to the entire world he had been cheating on Diana for years... that was practically the exact moment Diana donned this dress for the first time, to attend a Vanity Fair party. THAT my friend was the headline the next morning. And whoa did she ever look spectacular in it. This was SO an F YOU CHARLES sort of dress!! I was in crazy ass glory for Diana that night.

Mainly because once again... Charlie was upstaged by this glamorous, stunning woman. Something that Charles HATED. Always. YEA DIANA. YOU GO GIRL. Granted. I totally get it that many many people have affairs and fall in love, etc. etc. BUT... I have heard of NO one who was ever in the throes of all this deceit the night right smack before his wedding to a new bride. Let alone while on their honeymoon, as well!! Is he out of his fucking MIND?? Man. He couldn't even wait til the marriage was at least on the rocks or something?? He just had to jump right smack into it all during the engagement?? F YOU CHARLES AND I WASN'T EVEN THE ONE MARRYING YOU.

Anyway... Charles makes me sick to my stomach for pulling such crap on Diana, thus I can't even waste time talking about him. Instead... I hail Diana for sticking it to him, but good. The entire world went NUTS when they saw her in this black dress and I was filled with sheer delight for her. I'm telling you... the right dress for the right moment for the right reason... bingo. You score a home run IMMEDIATELY. Talk about waving you right on into home base.

Which reminds me... there are some other dresses I also totally love. A couple of these, you have already seen, btw. I mean... you SHOULD have already seen. Again... show stoppers. Stunning. Home runs. Right dress for the right reactions. I also threw in a couple you may not recognize but knock my socks off as well.  

Now... if only I had a body and/or if I were totally famous boom. I'd buy these in a heart beat. Hoping to then of course make some dashing, tall, handsome man's heart REALLY start to beat.

MAIN FOCUS

Care to guess what Marlene Dietrich, Doris Day, Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett... just to name a few.. have in common? Basically it all boils down to: at some point in their lives they decided to do their photos in SOFT FOCUS. To sorta hide the fact they were aging, had imperfections or whatever. 

These women never considered a soft lens when they were young. They didn't need to. But when they became MY age? Oh man... they so turned soft. So to speak.

In the meantime... get this. MY TIME TOO, HAS COME. Seriously. Soft focus is definitely the way to go with this recent photo of me! Check it out up there and see for yourself. I'm telling you... I do believe it makes a major difference. EEEKS. Yet another reason proving I'm no longer a spring chicken. On the other hand... I totally love this concept.

First of all... I am ALWAYS on a perpetual quest to have a really pretty picture taken of myself. And the reason the quest is always ongoing is quite simple: I have yet to ever actually have had one taken. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are plenty of so called decent enough snapshots of me to be found but not necessarily a fantastically beautiful one. Second of all however... until I do, I am now so sticking with this soft focusing bit for SURE. It's definitely a fanTAStic temporary solution to the aging process. Third of all, I always say... until the day comes that I begin to look like Nicole Kidman... I'll simply have to continue on my personal photo journey. And believe me. I have no visions of grandeur here. I totally know I'll never be a Nicole lookalike. Ever. Damnit.

No wonder. I'm getting old. Don't even ask. Granted... the pretty photo search of myself is WAY down on my list of items that prove I'm now 65. There apparently is far more weighty proof at hand. For instance... I basically remember nothing anymore. HUH? WHAT DID I COME IN HERE FOR?? Better yet... WAIT. WHAT WAS I JUST TELLING YOU?? Worst of all... REALLY?? WHEN DID I SAY THAT?? Or even NOW WTF DID THEY JUST TELL ME AGAIN?? I'm telling you... my mind is either filled with such garbage or I'm headed to the looney bin but fast.

Another way in which I know I'm 65 is that I accomplish way less in a day than I did in my 30s and 40s lets say. Back in those days, I could wake up at eight in the morning and go all day long filling the time with hordes of activities. NOW however? Geez. It's crazy. Three or four tasks and bingo. I'm ready for a time out. Let alone a nap. In the meantime however... it's becoming more and more clear. I'M GETTING OLD.


Although the good news is: I now see I think I can maybe fake my aging a bit thanks to the soft focusing feature in so much software. I don't even need a soft lens anymore in a camera! I want to look younger? Boom. I'll just import the picture and yippee. I'll simply soften it myself and suddenly 1-2-3. I'm years younger! Well, kinda. 

Oh yeah. Here's another pict of me from the other night also done in soft focus. Something tells me however that everyone I was with that evening had a pretty good idea I was definitely in my mid sixties. No wonder. They were looking at me BEFORE I became artifically focused. Which is too bad since try as I may... I can only fool some of the people some of the time.