Friday, November 13, 2020

I BROKE THE LAW


Well… not the REAL law, but still… the law of most senior citizens whereby they use their brains, always wear a mask, stay very close to home as much as possible and most importantly…. DO NOT DINE INSIDE A RESTAURANT. I mean really. I look at these a**holes all OVER the country who are out and about, carrying on as if there is no pandemic and of course, infecting as many people as they possibly can as if they were getting paid for it. WHAT TOTAL IDIOTS.

Uh.. guess what. I broke the Law of Pandemics and became one of those idiots this week. I couldn’t help it! 8 damn months of spending so much time at home and I was ready to shoot myself. Granted… several months ago I began hanging with friends outdoors, and also dining outdoors. I even began hanging out with a small group of friends both in their homes and mine. BUT… I have been very discriminating and pretty damn careful.

Of course the ironic thing is: pre-pandemic I hated going out to do errands, leave my house all day long, continually meeting up with friends in all sorts of happy venues for all sorts of happy reasons. Then boom. The pandemic hits and all of a sudden, I can't get out of here fast enough. Go figure. I AM abiding by my beloved rule however, which means I still try to manage my time so that I'm out only between the hours of noon and three. By three, I’m totally ready to get back home for my daily afternoon nap. WHAT? COMPROMISE MY BEAUTY SLEEP? HOW ELSE CAN AN OLD LADY CONTINUE TO LOOK SOMEWHAT HALF DECENT? Besides, by that time I've already been up for a good five hours thus am so ready for a recharge. Anyway…

Back to my criminal activity. Prior to March I bet I dined out 4 times a week... lunch and/or dinner. Since March however, that schedule has been cut WAY back given even I see the value of not dying due to food. And, as I said, I’ve done outside dining only. Enter: illegal behavior. 

I caved. A few days ago I went to lunch and actually dined INside a restaurant! I am sooo ashamed I did this… but uh… I could easily do it again. Mind you, this did not occur without my first giving it great thought. I mulled it over and over in my head for weeks and decided the ONLY place I would consider being inside is the luncheon dining room at the country club which just happens to have opened last week. I haven’t even gone to the main dining room for a fancy schmancy dinner since lock down. Besides… no one would join me anyway, given they are pretty much into staying alive. I HAVE picked up curb side dinners once in a while, but still. Never dined indoors. Soooo….

Okay. I thought things over and felt pretty confident I could do lunch at the country club. They are totally on top of doing everything they can to keep the restaurant safe. Who needs lawsuits, right? All waitstaff are masked, all tables and eating utensils are cleaned over and over, and of course, seating is properly distanced. And most importantly, the monthly newsletters have never once mentioned a member contracting covid from dining in their club. WHAT? THEY COULD POSSIBLY OMIT SUCH INFO?? REALLY?? Oops. I think I’ll just go with: what I don’t know won’t hurt me. Which is exactly why I never went through my son’s drawers or closets when he was in high school. Why find something and ruin my day by having a heart attack right smack on the spot. Plus... I just happened to have spoken to my pharmacist that morning and asked him if HE had lunch at the club yet. His answer: I WENT JUST THIS WEEK! Whoa. Now there's an endorsement if ever I heard.

So bingo…I was out doing all sorts of errands one day this week and decided TODAY’S THE DAY. I’LL TAKE THE PLUNGE AND RISK MY LIFE FOR A CHEESEBURGER AND FRENCH FRIES! Which on it’s own is not an entirely bad way to go. No wonder. Take a look at my order! Sheer heaven, to be sure.

Btw… this could have easily been one my other favorites: a BLT or fried fish sandwich or maybe even a cobb salad, for times when I want to “watch calories”.  Which is pretty rare given I could watch what I’m eating when at home. Out? I totally go with whatever I’m not cooking myself. Anyway… TALK ABOUT MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Sooooo delicious!! And… a huge portion, too. Here... this is the after shot. YIPPEE. ENOUGH FOR DINNER, AS WELL. Naturally, the fries were the first to go.

Man. What a greeting I got from everyone, too! I felt like I was back in high school seeing everyone after a summer vacation. Apparently they were THRILLED I decided to break the law! Naturally, my first question was: AM I GOING TO DIE BECAUSE I’M EATING HERE??? Both Melissa and Jasmin promised me there was no problem at all. Famous last words, right? Besides most of the staff are probably in their late 30s so what the fuck do they know? They’re probably running around hanging out in bars all night long during their free time. BUT… if they tell me I’m okay, then alright. I’ll kind of believe them.

I should also mention that since March I’ve probably lost about 6 pounds. Who wouldn’t given I’m usually cooking for myself. BUT… I can already see that’s probably not going to last too long if I continue to become an outlaw. On the other hand… I just now heard on TV that things are not going well at all as we enter the next few months. Which only means: I so better rethink my dining indoors, after all.

That’s the bad news. The good news is maybe I’ll become svelte, wearing black lycra body suits by losing even more weight. Who knows? I could become the hottest damn old lady one could ever envision! Of course the keyword here is: could. Which translates into: absolutely never going to happen. Damnit. Jeeze... looks like I'm back to my kitchen after all. 

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