Friday, July 29, 2016


Talk about a crazy story, alright. It all began when I first moved here 14 years ago last month. Best possible decision of my life, btw, but whatever. When I got here, I started going to one of my alltime favorite little neighborhood restaurants for lunch. I'd maybe go about 3 times a week.

The place was great for lunch. Perfectly excellent choices of salad or perfectly excellent choices of sandwiches or even perfectly excellent choices of soups. Naturally with which, I'd throw in a side of fries. In fact... eventually, the menu read: MISS LINDA'S FRIES. That would be me, btw. Plus, I really liked the owner/cook named Kim. Even better than Kim btw, were the waitresses, but who's counting.

Anyway, Kim and I got along famously for years and years. Uh... until she went bonkers on me, that is. And, I mean bonkers! About four years ago I was with two other friends, we all ordered, my sandwich came but it TOTALLY appeared as if there was no cheese at all on my tuna melt. I kindly told the waitress it looked like there was a mistake, and to please take it back to add the cheese. Okay. No big deal. The waitress happily obliged.

Then... out of nowhere comes Kim who began yelling at me, telling me there WAS cheese on my sandwich and she knows for sure since SHE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE IT. I then explained that the three of us sort of looked and we couldn't even see it at which point Kim got all huffy with me and said: LOOK. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU BUT YOUR SANDWICH HAD CHEESE ON IT AND THAT'S FINAL. Boom. She walked off.

Wow! I was stunned.

So were the two friends I was with. We couldn't beLIEVE the way Kim behaved... so rude and so embarrassing! I mean... it was crazy. Who the hell was SHE to yell at me like that?? Anyway... I swore from that day on, I would never step foot ever again in Kim's restaurant. And I haven't. 

Nor have I missed it one little bit given that it's just as easy for me to get to the country club, go to their Grill/Coffee Shop and bingo. Have an absolutely delicious lunch with tablecloths, superb service and magnificent view. And, if not there... then a zillion OTHER places in which I can happily dine. Thus basically I was able to say: screw you, Kim. Who the F even needs you, anyway?

Okay. So fast forward to February of this year. What do I and every other person in the city who eats, see in the local newspaper?? We see that Kim has been indicted by the Grand Jury on charges that she swindled some elderly guy... who's now deceased... out of a couple of million dollars and the nephew of the guy is PISSED! He wants it back! 

Talk about music to my ears, right?? Oh... I can't TELL you how much I love this story. Of course Kim denies the entire deal and claims it didn't go down like that all ALL and in fact, she'd happily give back all the money if they want. Yeah, right. I had told everyone I've ever met that this trial was totally going to be my entertainment of the summer given I was going to sit right smack up front in the visitor's gallery to watch this trial from gavel to gavel. With delight, mind you.

So in the meantime, get this... I JUST MAY GET TO DO THIS, AFTERALL! From a front seat, no less! Why you may ask?? Sitting down?? 

Because just this afternoon, when I went to my mailbox, what do I get for the third time since I've lived here.... A JURY SUMMONS!!! For August 10th, I believe!! I AM SO EXCITED, I can't believe it. The summons says it could be for a day or for a complete trial, or for the Grand Jury, even. I PRAY it's for me to sit in judgment of Kim!! Can you even imagine?? Of course, if it's NOT for Kim, then I want nothing to do with this summons shit at all. 

But if it IS... color me smiling!   

I've been called twice before to appear for jury duty and twice I was able to dodge a bullet. The LAST thing I want to do is to hear about some drug addict hoodlum who broke into a house and killed off a family of four. Or any other soap opera scenario, for that matter. Unless of course I know the person, in which case, count me in. ESPECIALLY if it's the restaurant owner! 

Oh man. For THAT, I'll dress to the nines and sit in the jury box for days on end if they want. Can you even imagine? Talk about poetic justice! And btw... yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it that I may be excused given I known this lady and been to her restaurant for years, but still. Let me thrill in the possibility of judging her for at least a LITTLE while, please.

Forget about justice being blind, btw. I'll be HAPPY to convict, with no testimony whatsoever. Well... wait a minute. I'll totally do my duty to hear all the evidence and come up with a just verdict... but I SO want to see this lady shiver in her seat. If the evidence does in fact implicate her then YIPPEE. I'll be tickled pink. Besides to my way of thinking, once the Grand Jury brings charges against you.... uh... you're kinda F'ed if you ask me. Not to mention probably guilty.    

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