SHOULD I BE DEPRESSED YET???

I'm kinda thinking I should. I kinda think I want to. And I kinda think maybe I will. We'll just have to wait and see.

Mind you: I'm not normally a person who is prone to a bit of temporary depression unless there is a REALLY REALLY good reason for it. However, I just now may have come across an ENORMOUS reason afterall,  
if you ask me. Sitting down? Ready for this? Remember that old lady all bent over with a cane from my last post?? Well... get this.

Yesterday thank God, I was able to get an appointment with my Bone and Joint doctor. I told him I am almost two weeks into not being able to move in any fashion whatsoever without excruciating pain. I also told him my internist gave me some muscle relaxant meds but they didn't do shit for the pain. Thus now... I'm going downhill fast. Physically and mentally.

Next thing I know the bone doctor took a bunch of xrays and boom. I now know why I couldn't do a thing all these long past days except sleep. My diagnosis?? You won't fucking believe it:

DEGENERATIVE LUMBAR SCOLIOSIS. AND... SOME CURVATURE OF THE SPINE, TOO.

WHATTTTTTTTTT???? Holy Mother F. Is this a joke or WHAT??? Don't even ask. And oh yeah... basically there is really no cure for this crap. Of course I immediately began to wonder: uh... will I be able to at least wear my two inch heels ever again?? Next thing I wondered was: WHAT KIND OF HEAVY DUTY MEDS CAN I TAKE TO RELIEVE THIS PAIN RIGHT HERE AND NOW?? I mean seriously... a half hour after getting up from bed each day, I was right smack back into torture territory.

Turns out I needed oral steroids... Prednisone... which would begin to ease the supposed inflammation and horrific pain lickety split. Of course lickety split to me was: within five minutes. To my doctor it meant: within five DAYS. But why get bogged down with details. In the meantime...

I filled my prescription, raced back home, downed two of the pills and hit the sack. Slept for two hours in fact and you know what?? I totally think these pills just may do the trick for bringing me back to SOME semblance of a life. Not that I may not decide to go the depression route afterall, but still and all... I think there's possibly a tiny light at the end of this scoliosis tunnel in spite of everything that's going on. 

THANK GOD. I DEFINITELY FEEL JUSSST A TAD OF NEEDED RELIEF HERE, BUT STILL... LET'S NOT CALL THIS TOTALLY PROMISING QUITE YET, EITHER. For don't get me wrong...

While there seems to be a tinge of improvement, I'm in no shape whatsoever to hit the town tonight and dance the night away. BUT I almost think I'll be able to just perhaps become a person again. Wow. I'll be tickled pink, alright. 

True... I was able to go about my life today for a full six hours straight without being in mobility hell. Major accomplishment! On the other hand, by midnight tonight, I was again in such a pained, maddening state that I had to take a whole Ativan just to get in the shower. Sort of like for good measure so I don't emotionally collapse altogether over this little crisis. Frankly... I just don't know what to think anymore. But whatever.

Obviously, I guess the real test for me will be to see what happens once the script is complete and I'm off the steroids. Oh man... I shudder to think. 

Frankly... I am holding out little hope but nonetheless I sooo pray the pain will in fact go away comPLETEly. For if it doesn't.... I can almost PROMise you I won't be taking Prednisone for physical suffering anymore. Instead, I will totally be taking Cymbalta for my new major depressive disorder which will certainly kick in within seconds. In which case, be prepared. For this entire blog will then begin to take on a whole NEW flavor, alright.     

As in: shoot me now, please. Oh. And the first one who gets the job done... gets a prize.