CALLING ALL PILOTS

Oh man. Don't even ask. You will not believe the state of mind I was in when I left for the airport last week. I was totally crazed. Just this short of a lunatic. Which is a mind set that can actually be pretty easy for me to slip into if given the right circumstance. And Wednesday was a like perfect storm for said lunacy.  

It began as I was headed out to Ft. Lauderdale to visit my alltime favorite niece, Laura, for five days. I was pretty psyched for this trip too, since if you've any brains in your head whatsoever, you will note right off the bat that Laura is maybe the best company you could ever ask for, equal to that of my own kid. Which says a lot.

It all started with a plane voucher I had for a trip to Florida. Which btw, had to be used by the end of the month so boom. I scheduled a trip leaving last Wednesday and coming back the following Monday. Everything was beautifully in place for perfect travel and for a perfect getaway. Until that is... I began to load the luggage into the car. It was then that I got a disturbing email from the airlines. Ready for this??

HELLO. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WE COULD POSSIBLY BE FACING A PILOT STRIKE SO IF YOU PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH THIS TRIP, YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE SCREWED. JUST SAYING. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WITH YOUR TRIP, WE HAVE NO CLUE IF YOUR SUBSTITUTE PILOT COULD TURN OUT TO BE BE A MECHANIC, A RESERVATION OPERATOR OR EVEN A BAGGAGE HANDLER. AND OH YEAH... IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE OPTIONS, WE WILL BE HAPPY TO REFUND YOUR MONEY IN FULL. ON THE OTHER HAND, MAYBE NOTHING WILL COME TO PASS REGARDING THE STRIKE AND THEREFORE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY YOUR TRIP AS PLANNED. OTHER THAN THE FACT, AS YOU ALREADY KNOW, WE ARE NOTORIOUSLY LATE IN DEPARTURE TIMES. THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING US.

Can you beLIEVE this?? Moments before I'm heading to the airport? Me? The one traveler who is alREADY iffy on flying? Also the one who can pretty much go into a tail spin over everything, even beginning while I'm making my online reservations? Do they not know with whom they are dealing?? Is this a joke?? Which come to think of it... this DID occur on April Fool's Day but whatever. Jesus. Totally not what I needed. Therefore... 

Immediately I freak. Who the hell wouldn't, right?? Anyway, I then get everything in the car, and begin calling my son and my niece lickety split, telling each of them: UH. NEWSFLASH. MINOR GLITCH GOING ON, HERE. I MAY HAVE A PRETEND PILOT IN WHICH CASE I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS POSSIBLE STRIKE AND THEREFORE MAY HAVE TO CANCEL THIS TRIP ALTOGETHER. 

Naturally both of them told me everything will be fine, get on the plane and get your ass down here. Although it's important to note neither my kid nor my niece was the one doing the flying. Thus easy for THEM to say. The bottom line however... is that I obeyed their instructions and lo and behold I landed in Ft. Lauderdale just fine. Not without residual mental stress I might add. You should have SEEN me as I boarded. Talk about a harried idiot.

So harried in fact, that when my son and I met up with Laura and Bernie, the moment I sat down at the restaurant I did something I almost NEVER do. I ordered a cocktail! A delicious one as a matter of fact and truthfully... I do have to say it did the trick magnificently, 1-2-3. THANK YOU FROZEN DAIQUIRI FOR BEING SO NICE AND POTENT. I SOOOO APPRECIATED IT. Of course by the next day I had received another email from the airline saying OKAY. WE PRETTY MUCH SOLVED THINGS SO FAR THUS YOU CAN EXPECT ONLY HARD CORE TOTALLY TRAINED PILOTS TO BE FLYING OUR PLANES AFTERALL. Whew. Perfect scenario for... all's well that ends well. Which is exactly what happened.

For I must say the entire five days went perfectly great. I adored being with my son, and Laura was the alltime best hostess. Even in spite of the fact that we had to stop at a gas station to stock up on my beloved Diet Coke and much needed orange juice for morning meds. By the way... Bernie is a caterer thus do I even need to tell you what an outrageously delicious holiday meal we had??? 

OMG. Maybe the best holiday dinner I've ever eaten!! Although he may want to spruce up in the calculations department since the food he supplied for 18 of us was enough to feed maybe twice that amount. But trust me... in the end, I totally love Bernie's way of calculating, given at about 1 in the morning I was delightfully snacking on the world's best leftover brisket EVER.

All our other meals were equally fantastic too, since I was in major restaurant territory there, in So. Florida. Even my bed was exceptional now that I think about it. And most importantly, the temps were perfectly comfy. So basically... put it all together and bingo. I enjoyed a extraordinary trip with pretty happy memories, if I say so myself. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH LAURA AND BERNIE. And yes... I'd be delighted to do this again and again. I know. Just what they want to hear, right?

Oh. And, btw... THANK YOU PILOTS FOR NOT STRIKING AND PLEASE DON'T EVER SCARE ME WITH THIS NONSENSE EVER AGAIN. I totally don't do tense bullshit very well.