Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Geesh. Talk about looking down upon your flock or something. I can't believe this new picture I had, hanging in my family room. While it's absolutely stunning, I do have to say that I laughed everytime I saw it, given it's so f'ing HUGE. I mean.. waaay huge. Yes... it's totally meant to be a statement piece alright but seriously... this looked far more like an entire f'ing paragraph than a mere statement.

It all began with my learning to eventually hate the previous picture I had of myself hanging above the sofa in my family room. I'd say it was about 6 years old I'll bet, and the whole thing was way too dated for my taste. Besides, I hated looking at it anymore. So boom. I took another picture I had of myself and played with every artistic app I had on my iPad. And yippee. I created THE perfect painted watercolor effect of me that I wanted. Which is totally cool, I might add.

Next thing I know I'm on the website for and I'm going through all my options, choosing the size, the format, the frame design, the everything. This site happens to be fantastic btw, and it only took me a few minutes to make all my choices and another few minutes to place my order. Which meant: in a short five days, they sent it out to me with no shipping costs, etc. Which is good since while it's not REAL pricey it's still... totally way pricier than a simple 16x20 let's say. But who's counting.

Turns out the picture I selected was... sitting down?? .... a 4 foot x 3 foot canvas. EEEKS. I know... big. But I had no choice. In order for me to get the 3' width I wanted, I had to go up in the height department. Yikes. Don't even ask. This is so not your Grandmother's little table top snapshot. On the other hand... I didn't want table top. Instead, I wanted a statement sized picture. Oh I got statement, alright. Huge statement.

Granted, my wall size can totally pull off a maxed out wall painting. But seeing ME in this size is another story altogether. I laughed out loud for two days whenever I saw it. Were this a beautiful fall tree or a mere colorful modern art painting, it would totally work. But this? Holy ba holy.

Now... I WAS trying to get used to it but it just couldn't happen. There was simpy: way too much of me to look at. Even for me. soon as someone ELSE were to see it for the first time... whoa. Would THEY ever be in for a surprise. I feel like my family room was turning into a Buddhist temple with the king of all Buddhas looking down upon my entire house 24/7. On the other hand, if I kicked the bucket next week, this canvas would have been the perfect way for everyone to pretend I'm still alive, knowing exactly what I look like. In oversized 3-D no less. It was totally comical. Which means...

I lived with this for two days and then bingo. I immediately headed out to my local framer and told him: OOPS. KIND OF A GLITCH GOING ON HERE. WE DEFINITELY NEED TO REDUCE THE SIZE OF THIS DEAL. I also told him not to laugh when he sees it. I wanted him to un-staple the back of the canvas that is stretched on the wooden frame and cut about a foot off the bottom of the picture and then I'll have way better sizing. Uh... I hope, anyway. I won't be able to pick it up until Friday but I've already decided that it just can't possibly be worse. ANYthing will be better than this crazy ass gigantic sized picture of me. I mean seriously... so much for those big paintings of the mistress of the house that you see in the living rooms of people living on major estates. 

So basically at this point, it's all a wait and see game. Whether or not I'll be able to use the canvas, even after the size reduction, I just don't know yet. In fact, down below is a picture of what I assume it will look like reduced, but even still... it still looks sorta big. Which only means: Oops. I'll be back to friggin' square one all over again, in figuring out what to hang above my sofa. Actually... I'll know more after my party on Sunday when all my guests will come in and give me their take on it. Or... possibly just freak out. Time shall tell.

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