Thursday, March 5, 2015

RETIRED FOR THE SEASON


What can I say. All good things must come to an end. Damnit. 

In this case however, it's not something just plain good. It's simply something amazingly magnificent. Well wait... to be really really accurate... it's a magnificent thing that is not necessarily ending; it's merely RETIRING. Big difference. But still... believe you me, I am soooo sad to see it go into hiding. In the meantime, just what IS it that's going away for a bit? Something that I've worn almost every single day since last Thanksgiving. 

IT IS MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION! MY ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND OH SO UTILITARIAN WINTER COAT WHICH HAS KEPT ME WARM FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS! AS IN: MY STUNNING FLOOR LENGTH MINK COAT!

Oh... how I love this winter coat, I can't even tell you. AND... if ever there was a winter when I needed it, THIS winter was it! SOOOO DAMN COLD, IT WAS CRAZY. Days and days and days of temps, probably averaging just about 32 degrees. Granted, many days/nights were way below that but some days/nights were a little above that, too.

Actually I sort of made up a rule, btw. Below 45: Boom. Definitely wearing it. Above 45: be careful about wearing it, so I don't look like an idiot. Thankfully... I got to wear this pretty much every day. Yippee. Yippee.

The best part of the coat is that it was totally gifted to me. I can't beLIEVE how lucky I am! You feel nothing short of an empress whenever wearing it. Just the sort of feeling I'm definitely into I might add. So... okay, yes. Animals lovers may want to shoot me on the spot. Europeans may want to spray paint the coat should they pass by me. The only trouble is: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Afterall, it wasn't me who did the animal in. I merely got the... ahem... spoils of the shoot, shall we say. And am I ever glad I did. Because basically...

THIS IS BY FAR THE WARMEST WINTER COAT I'VE EVER WORN. Forget about how luxurious you feel when you put it on. It totally does the job you need it to do. IT KEEPS THE LITERALLY BONE CHILLING TEMPS FROM MAKING YOU FREEZE TO DEATH. Which by the way is good, since I get cold but FAST in the winter. I also get HEATED but fast in the summer, but alas, my days of wearing a two piece bathing suit are way over. But, whatever. 

In the meantime it is with deep appreciation to this coat that I retire it until next winter. It did it's job for me like a f'ing pro. Let alone being the most beautiful piece of outer wear I've ever owned. People stopped me to admire the coat constantly when I was out and about although I do believe it's the length that makes as much of an impact as the beauty of the design and the fur. I sometimes almost felt I needed to apologize for wearing it but I got over THAT crap lickety split. Especially whenever it was like 22 degrees outside. OH? YOU'RE COLD?? SO SORRY TO HEAR IT. NOT ME, THANKS. AM FEELING PERFECTLY TOASTY IF I SAY SO MYSELF.

Anyway... thank you stunning mink coat for doing your job these past few months. I adored every single second of wearing you. Well, except for when I had to store it while in a restaurant or something. I would NEVER have checked it given it's worth a pretty penny and there is no way I was going to let it out of my sight and have some idiot traipsing away with it. I so look forward to next December when we get to meet yet again. Until then, believe you me... I'll take major good care of it, hanging it in one of my closets, til I get to don it once again. With total pleasure I might add. 

DEAR GOD. PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE ANY TIME SOON, SO THAT I GET TO ENJOY YET ANOTHER SEASON OF ADORING THIS MAGNIFICIENT COAT. THANK YOU GOD. AND OH YEAH... THANK YOU DEANNA AND MARSHALL. AMEN. 


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