MR. LAS VEGAS

Years and years ago I went to Las Vegas. Way before Seigfield and Roy. Way before the Wynn Hotel. And way before the implosion of the Desert Inn or the Sands. Turns out this was a city that was pretty much up my alley. A lot of glamour. A lot of glitz. A lot of celebrities. And a lot of comfort. As in: my hotel and room. I was at the MGM Grand, which at that time was THE place to stay. Oh man... did I ever love what I felt to be the sheer opulence of this place. Not to mention the food and amenities. This kind of hotel was then, and is now, just the sort of luxury I so adore.

I don't remember a lot of what we did while there, but a few things do stand out in my mind. I ate up the room service but good. No pun intended. I loved the day trip we took to the local ski resort. The gambling was fun too, however I didn't do a lot of it given I hate taking huge risks with throwing money around only to possibly lose it. And I totally loved the entertainment. Which brings me to my reason for writing today.

I remember two shows that I particularly loved seeing while in Las Vegas. One was Paul Anka. Both he and I were way younger then, so the two of us looked pretty damn good at the time. His show was amazing and thankfully, he sang every damn song to which I knew every word. Seriously. It was simply worth every penny we spent on it. 

I also remember going to see a show starring the one and only: Mr. Las Vegas. Better known as:

 I know. I decided I didn't even need to tell you his name since I am hoping you'd have known who I meant right off the bat, the minute I said Mr. Las Vegas. Without actually needing to say: Wayne Newton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Even back then it was kinda weird being in the audience with a huge amount of oldie goldie ladies drooling all over Wayne, but I guess we figured what the hell. The entire world talked about his show, so when in Rome, do as the Romans. Meaning: we went. We saw. We conquered.

And let me just tell you... the show was breath taking beyond belief. Had it been Elton John, Tina Turner or Elvis Presley... all of whom btw, have performed in Vegas, too... I couldn't have loved it more. It was so damn electrifying, you can't imagine. In the meantime, I do have to say that Wayne looked pretty much like his picture up there. Maybe 15 years older but still, pretty much like that. Which brings me to what shocked the shit out me yesterday. Have you SEEN this guy recently?? I am so telling you... were you sitting next to him in an airplane, which of course you can't given he only flies on his private jet, you would never ever recognize him. Seriously. You wouldn't. How do I know this??

Because yesterday, when I saw what he looks like now, I had NO CLUE WHATSOEVER who the hell the guy was. Ready to check him out in 2015?? Sitting down? Get a load of this:

Really?? This is you, Wayne? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? What the hell did you DO to yourself, anyway?? You're a John Kerry wannabe?? Because really. John is the only other guy I know who totally went overboard with his plastic surgery. Well except Michael Jackson, I guess. But YOU, WAYNE, HAVE OUTDONE THEM BY FAR. It's totally borderline FREAKY!! Whoa... even the eyebrows aren't even close to what they used to be. Okay. Look...

I know zillions of people who have had their eyes and/or faces nipped and/or tucked. Myself included. BUT THIS?? Not a one of us have ever turned into a completely different person like Wayne has. Jesus. It's as if I had my own face lift but boom. I went in with my normal face and came out looking like Marilyn Monroe or Catherine Deneuve. Holy f-ing smokes. Talk about no resemblance to my original self whatsoever!  


Which is why I just have to say... man oh man, Wayne. You have gone WAY overboard and turned yourself into one hell of a bizarre looking guy. Why you look so damn happy in the after shot I can't even imagine. Plus... how much you paid for this transformation, I have no idea. But I do know this: you so overpaid. 

Either get your money back or sue the doctor. Just saying.