Sunday, September 1, 2013

NEED FIBER??

Oh man... what an idiot I am. As it happens, last night the evening just got away from me although where the time went, I really don't know. Nor does it even matter. What DOES matter is that I definitely learned a life lesson. A lesson about fiber, that is. And not the textile kind of fiber, either. I'm talking the kind that can rip your stomach to pieces in just one unsuspecting meal. Which is basically what happened to me. Don't even ask.

I can't even remember exactly what time it was, but all of a sudden, about 10:00 lets say, I realized I hadn't had dinner. Bingo. I was STARVING. Thus... I immediately sort of combed through my refrigerator for something great to eat and lo and behold what should I find but YIPPEE... my alltime favorite. Left over black beans. I had a dinner party recently and I probably made enough for 10-12, so God only knows how much was stored in the leftover container. Which basically meant: I could help myself to as many beans as I possibly wanted, to put all over the rice I had just made. And, I did. Ergo: after heating the black beans in the microwave and topping the rice, I had a fantastic meal to devour and adore.

On the other hand... apparently I've got big eyes when I'm starved because I just kept heaping and heaping the beans right smack on top of the rice until I basically had a portion big enough to probably feed any family of four. Next thing you know however... I sat down and downed the entire plate totally happy and completely full.

AND THEN IT BEGAN.

Oh. My. God. Do THEY ever know what they're talking about when they say beans make you pop all over the place. It was crazzzzzy. POP. POP. POP POP POP. I seriously thought my entire insides were going to explode! And.... if that wasn't enough, a couple of hours later when I did my yoga session... Holy Baholy. You have no idea. Let's just say that apparently yoga practice serves to expel every ounce of extra air and/or beans within your entire body. For a LIFETIME I'm guessing. I was in Black Beans Hell.

Jesus. I just don't know what to say. Other then... get this. I was also up THREE TIMES during the night to go to the bathroom! And even today... my stomach was churning way more than I wanted. All I could think of was that surgical procedure I had seven years ago for bowel re-sectioning. Can you even imagine?? Of course I didn't let any of this stand too much in my way tonight as I downed champagne and delicious cake at a celebration I attended. Although trust me. I bet I"ll pay for it later. In the meantime...


All I can tell you is that if you happen to need any sort of pretend colonoscopy prep, boy do I ever have a meal for you to consider. As for fiber being the secret to good digestive health... I now see there are two sides to the story. Eat a normal portion? Bingo. You're fine. Eat a mother load portion? Uh... good luck with THAT. And oh yeah... try to stay away from people for at least 12 hours. 

So now?? Now all I can do is pray I'll be fine in a couple of days so I can hopefully eat black beans all OVER AGAIN. I so totally love them. Pop or no pop.

No comments:

Post a Comment